Dealing with Challenging Team Members at School

Do you have a coworker at your school that just really irritates or bothers you? I’m not talking about the coworkers that are outright mean or offensive, but the sort of coworker that just gets under your skin.

I bet you have at least one person coming to your mind! We all have them. It can definitely be a challenge working with someone who you struggle to get along with, but many times we have to!

In this episode of Real Teacher Talk, I’m sharing six things you can do to help you deal with those difficult team members. I talk about things I’ve tried that have worked for me, what to do if the work environment becomes too toxic, and ways to recenter if you’re feeling challenged or triggered by a coworker’s behavior.

Resources Mentioned:
www.easyteachingtools.com/fallpurgepodcast

Additional Resources:
Follow the Podcast
Follow Along on Facebook
Follow Along on Instagram

I would also appreciate it if you would leave me a review on Apple and a rating on Spotify!

I read each of them, and they help me make sure I am providing the content that you love to hear! Plus, you get to pay it forward because it will allow other teachers like you to find the podcast!

Click here to review, then select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”.

Kristen Donegan 00:01

Hey, hey, welcome back to real teacher talk, today we're talking about what to do, if you have a hard team member, you know, they're difficult to work with, maybe it's a coworker, if you've had one of those, raise your hand, I'm sitting here thinking, I don't have enough hands. If you've been teaching long enough, you've probably encountered many, right. And if we're being honest, I gotta own up to it, I have probably been that difficult team member at one time or another. And when I look back on that, it depends on whatever I was going through in my life.

So I want to be realistic about it. But we're going to talk about six things you can do today, if you're dealing with that, and we're not talking about, you know, the super, super toxic team member environment, I mean, we will hit on that. But this is kind of just like your everyday stuff that maybe irritates you, bothers you, you don't really look forward to interacting with them. You know, the ones you know, there's, there's lots of different types, you know, maybe it's the one who's always questioning everything that your team decides to do, or maybe the one who really doesn't do much, they just show up, but don't pull their own weight and team meetings.

Maybe there's like the tattletale, or, you know, the one who really sucks up to the principal, whatever it may be, whoever it is for you, it's that person who just makes your day a little bit more challenging. So let's talk about it. My mind stopped working back to that. So here's what I want to do. So we talked about there's different types, okay. So it's kind of recognizing the different type and getting really, really clear on that that type of teacher and they're bothering you.

Right. So that's number one. Number two, is to get clear on what exactly it is that they're doing, or that's happening that's challenging. And does it actually interfere with your ability to teach and to do your job? And what I mean by that is, are they just annoying? You know? Are they? Are they just annoying? Well, that's probably not affecting you and your teaching, you know, your day to day. Because we can't control everyone. You know, maybe there's that person who you know, cooks’ fish in the microwave every day at lunch. And it's just disgusting.

I'm sorry, if that's you. But you know that that's annoying, okay, sure. But we're talking more about maybe it's the one who maybe isn't pulling their own weight when it comes to you guys are planning a field trip, and they're supposed to do something and they're consistently missing deadlines. Or they're consistently not volunteering for something and you're doing it, whatever it may be, but get clear on what it is. That's challenging you. And then here's what I would do. Step three, is to Once you're clear on it, look at am I taking this personal, that is something if I could go back to my 13 years in the classroom, I would do differently.

I've shared this before, I have a tendency to take things personal, or something may happen. And I create this whole story in my head about it. Can you relate to that at all? Like I remember, one time an email went out, and everyone was going to be eating or they were we were having some meeting in the parking lot some union thing, right? And I suggested, hey, what if everyone, you know, pitches in and we buy some donuts? And they're like, no. So I asked other people, Hey, if you want some donuts, let me know I'm gonna pick some up in the morning, we'll come to find out that same person went and bought doughnuts for everybody, and was like, here's some donuts. You don't need to pay for these ones.

And maybe it was petty. Maybe it was, at the time, it really hurt my feelings. I felt really embarrassed. And I thought of that person differently going forward, and I even brought it up to them. But I also could look at it is a big deal, Kristen. Maybe it wasn't the nicest thing. Maybe there was another backstory to it. Who knows? Is it affecting my teaching? Is it affecting what I'm doing in the classroom with my students? No, it's not. So I gave up my power and really let it ruin my day. And really let it ruin I guess my perception of this person. when really they just ended up buying doughnuts. That's really what happens and I put this whole thing to end if I didn't take it personal, I think are relationship would be different.

And I look back at other relationships with people, same thing. So if there's that person who maybe continues to question your ideas and your PLC meetings, or what you're doing in your classroom, Is it annoying? Yeah. Would you rather than not probably. So I know it takes a lot of practice, but don't take it personal. That may just be who they are. So here's what you can do. If it is annoying, or it's bothering you. Step four is kind of look at those triggers. Why is it bothering you so much? Or what? When does it bother you, like anticipate, kind of plan for it, like, Hey, I know we got this PLC coming up. I know, no matter what I bring up, typically they question it.

So here's what I'm going to do, my game plan is going to be I'm going to stay calm. I know it's probably coming. So I shouldn't be surprised or annoyed. It just is what it is. Don't let it bother me and move on. Because there's so much other things you know, to worry about are going on. Or if that doesn't work for you, because that's not the kind of person I am. I like to I like to get clear on things when they're bothering me. And I don't want to give away my power. But what you can do step five is to maybe have a conversation with that person. And oftentimes, we you know, dance around the topic, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, it's can be uncomfortable.

Sometimes bringing things up, you know, a lot of teachers tend to be peacemakers or people pleasers. So we just, you know, don't say much. I'm not most teachers, I typically would. So if there is you know, someone who maybe you don't enjoy them consistently, you know, questioning what you're doing in your classroom, or anytime you have an idea there, they have a reason why it's their idea is better, or one up or whatever it is, be direct and say, Hey, let's have a conversation. Do you have some time, you know, after school tomorrow, When's good.

So we can have a quiet place to talk, and just be direct, and really point out, Hey, I'm noticing this is happening. Is there a reason why or maybe this is how it makes me feel. Or it makes it harder, you know, to communicate whatever it may be, but be direct, be really honest, and be really, really respectful. Because sometimes we forget where the other person's coming from, and maybe, maybe that person is just, that's their personality, right? And there's going to be those people that maybe you just don't mesh with. So if that's the case, then and you know what conversations going to do nothing. Just take a deep breath, you know, give yourself a treat, after that PLLC, bring a piece of candy, something to make you happy.

And just, you know, do what you can to let it slide off your back. Now, the last thing, I would suggest maybe you've tried all these things, maybe it is some sort of toxic environment, maybe it is affecting your teaching, because maybe it's your co teacher, and maybe they're really negative, and they're unhappy, and they've got a lot of things going on in their life. And it's impacting the day to day of you guys working together, or of your students. And maybe you've tried these different things, and it's not working, that's when for me, I would seek out the support of someone on my team, and not where it's, you know, gossip. But like, Hey, here's the challenge I'm running into, what are some ideas? What are some things that you think I can do, because oftentimes, it's really interesting, because I've been in many different types of schools.

The team you're on I have found or the work environment, whatever it may be, can either be really empowering and positive, and I don't mean toxic positivity, but the positive or it can be really toxic. And if you've been in an environment that's really toxic, you know, it affects your mental health. It's, you know, where you're dreading going to school, or you don't want to be in the lounge or at a meeting because, you know, the people aren't nice, and I've been at those places too. So you kind of have to sit and step back. But if you have that support from a team member, or like I said, if it's, you know, your co teacher, and it's just not getting better. That's when I would reach out to admin and that's not being a tattletale, but it's saying, Hey, here's what I'm noticing.

Here's what I've tried to do to remedy the situation and Here's the impact it's having on the students. And as frustrating as it is, I found that whenever it impacts students, action happens quicker than if it's impacting me. Right? Do you notice that at your school, too, so say, Hey, this is what's happening? Let's problem solve, let's work together, what can we do to make it better for everyone involved. And some things that you can do is you're going through this process, if you're noticing, you know, I said, you know, what are the triggers. If it's, you know, stuff that's happening in the teachers’ lounge, or a certain group of teachers don't sit by him.

Or what we used to do sometimes is we would go sit outside with me and a coworker, and we had space where we can do that, or Sundays, we would go eat in each other's classrooms, just to kind of get away from sometimes have all the teacher talk, and to just kind of hang out. So if you can remove yourself from some of those situations, do it for your sanity, for a break in the day. And for your mental health, I'd have days, even if it wasn't because you know, someone was bothering me, or whatever it was, but I just needed a, you know, quiet moment, where I would just sit in my room, loved having the lights off, I wouldn't even play music, but you could.

And just the silence, the silence is my favorite sound. So just doing that to kind of recenter reset for the second half of the day. So I want to send you massive hugs, because I know dealing with a challenging team member or coworker, colleague can be tough. And I know in a perfect world, you're like, Well, if I just didn't enough to deal with you, everything would be better. But there's always going to be something right every year, there's always, there's always something so if you can do whatever you can to take your power back, a therapist talks to me all the time, because there's a million things I'd love to change about my husband, as I'm sure he may say the same about me. But at the end of the day, you can't control them, you can only control you, and how you deal with that situation powerfully. So you can choose to let it bother you let them irritate you.

Or you can choose to be like, Hey, this is who they are. And go on with your day being the boss teacher that you are. So you got some choices. But I'm totally here to tell you, I also get those situations that are just really, really tough. And it feels really hard to reclaim your power. Because, you know, there's such a pain to work with. So I know you can't have it, you know, your ideal situation every single year. So I hope those tips are helpful for you.

To recap real quick, we went over six things. So the different types of teachers getting clear on what's challenging for you, and recognizing you can't control everyone. Three, don't take a personal easier said than done. I know for what triggers you and how can you plan for it. Five, have an honest, direct conversation. And six, seek out support if you need it. So you don't feel like you're on this lonely little island by yourself. All right, I'd love to hear how you are using some of those tips. So make sure to tag me on Instagram at easy teaching tools and let me know how it's going. Now it's time for you take a deep breath. Relax the shoulders and go do something for yourself today or make sure you schedule something this week just for you. So you can bring some of that balance back into your life. You work hard and you are worthy of it. And see you next week.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS
bothering, teacher, person, talk, co worker, team member, work, tattletale, classroom, noticing, affecting, teaching, plc, challenging, happening, doughnuts, plan, situation, impacting, meeting

Real Teacher Talk

Dealing with Challenging Team Members at School

Listen to this podcast on