Shifting to Growth Type if Mind!

In this episode of Mama Needs Me Time, host Molly Ryden discusses the concept of a growth mindset, particularly in the context of motherhood. She explains the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, emphasizing the importance of resilience and self-improvement for moms. The episode provides practical applications for adopting a growth mindset, strategies for developing it, and ways to teach children the value of persistence and effort. Molly encourages listeners to embrace challenges and view setbacks as opportunities for growth, fostering a supportive community for moms.

takeaways

• A growth mindset is the belief that skills can improve through effort.
• Moms often have a natural growth mindset but can feel stuck.
• Shifting to a growth mindset helps reframe challenges as opportunities.
• Comparison on social media can trap moms in a fixed mindset.
• Overcoming mom guilt is essential for personal growth.
• Setbacks are stepping stones to learning and progress.
• Self-awareness is the first step in developing a growth mindset.
• Adding 'yet' to your self-talk can change your perspective.
• Surrounding yourself with growth-oriented people is crucial.
• Teaching kids to value effort over results fosters resilience.

titles

• Embracing the Growth Mindset in Motherhood
• Transforming Challenges into Opportunities for Moms

Sound Bites

• "You deserve it, girl!"
• "It's about progress, not perfection."
• "Praise effort, not just results."

Chapters

00:00
Welcome and Introduction to Growth Mindset

11:54
Developing a Growth Mindset: Self-Awareness and Gratitude

17:34
Teaching Growth Mindset to Our Children

21:45
outro2024.mp4

Transcript

Molly Ryden (00:00.792)
Hello, hello and welcome back to Mama Needs Me Time, the podcast by a mom for moms where we talk about all things to help moms because girl, you deserve it. As always, I'm Molly and I'm so glad you're here with me today. I wanna give you a quick update before we dive into this episode. So not next episode, but the following. So two episodes from now, I am.

Finally ready to start sharing these incredible interviews with all of these amazing women that I've been collecting and these women are just like you They've taken their journey of being a mom and made it their career I'm so stoked to start sharing these with you. So little celebration. Hooray So keep an eye on all the socials for when those are gonna start coming out. I'm polishing up the first couple They're gonna be two-part interviews. So two half-hour

It's going to be great. I'm so stoked. Anyway. Let me corral my squirrels and get back on track. So today's topic is one that took me a while to get control of, but we all need to hear about it. Today, we're going to tackle the concept of the growth mindset. Now, if you've ever felt stuck or doubted your abilities as a mom or thought, I'm never going to get this right, then you are absolutely not alone. And this episode

is for you. So whether you're sipping on a lukewarm coffee, folding your laundry, or sneaking a break in the car before heading back inside, stick with me. By the end of this episode, you're not only going to understand what a growth mindset is, but you're also going to have actionable steps to make it happen in your own life and even pass it down to your kids. So let's get started.

Molly Ryden (01:55.744)
Okay, so let's start by defining what I mean by a growth mindset. So the term comes from Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist who studied how people approach challenges. So a growth mindset is the belief that you can improve your skills and abilities and learn new skills through effort, persistence, and embracing challenges. So it's the idea that we are not fixed in our abilities, that we have the

capabilities of growing and evolving. Does it sound like anyone you might know who often has to put in extra effort, be persistent, and embrace challenges? Because to me, it sounds like moms are already preset and pre-wired to have a growth mindset. However, I feel often we get stuck and that's where we stay and that's the opposite. So the opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset.

And a fixed mindset makes you think, ugh, I'm just not good at this or this is the way I've always done it or I've always been so it can't possibly change, which also sounds incredibly familiar, right? I know it does for me and it was a process for me to get out of that path, especially when we're tired, we're stressed, we're overwhelmed.

and it's so easy to fall into this trap of feeling like nothing is ever going to get better. So here's an example. Let's say you're struggling to get your kid to clean up after themselves. It's age appropriate for them to be doing it. And this is, of course, hypothetical. I'm not pulling from any examples in my house. You might think, he's just messy. he's disorganized. he's distracted. And there's nothing I can do to change it.

But if you shift your mindset to a growth mindset, you start to think, he's learning and I can help him to understand the importance of cleaning up and build habits that are going to stick. Basically, when we are teaching our kids, we are often in a growth mindset. But we don't have it for ourselves. Because the beauty of the growth mindset is that it opens a

Molly Ryden (04:14.594)
door for possibilities. It says, maybe I don't have the answers right now, but I can figure it out. And let's be honest, figuring out is basically what a mom does every day. So you're already on track. So why is it important for moms to have a growth mindset? Because let's be real, motherhood is already so full of challenges, it's easy to feel like we're failing at every turn.

And a growth mindset gives us a way to reframe those challenges. And instead of seeing them as proof that we're not good enough, we can start to move into a place where we see opportunities to learn and grow. So let's talk about some common scenarios where a growth mindset can be super helpful. Number one, comparing yourself to other moms. Now, raise your hand if you've ever scrolled through social media and thought,

my gosh, this woman has it all together and I'm over here just like barely surviving. I'm on day four of dry shampoo and like I'll never be as put together as her. And here's the thing, a fixed mindset is a trap. Like it focuses on what you think you lack instead of what you're capable of accomplishing. When a growth mindset would say,

What can I learn from her? What is she implementing? What is she doing? And how can I apply that in a way that works for me? For example, I have a really good friend who's running multiple successful businesses. She's incredible. And I will often look at her and be like, how are you doing this? Like how I can barely get my act together just doing a podcast and pocket coaching. And she's running multi-figure businesses.

Well, she's got kind of behind the scenes help. She's been able, you she's she's built these businesses, but she also isn't doing it by herself. And that's the thing. Social media is a trap and it pushes us into a place of comparison and feeling less than because it is a highlight reel.

Molly Ryden (06:30.136)
I've tried to create a space with Mama Needs Me time where I'm honest about things and talk about the things I don't like and share the messy spaces and the messy moments. And more people are doing that these days because social media is so present and prevalent. But we're still, you know, I'm not showing you guys when I'm crying because my toddler bashed me in the face with the remote and then my six year old is crying because she tore up his

9 millionth created cat picture. But and maybe I should, I don't know. But we often just see the good parts. So when we start comparing ourselves, it's going to make us feel less than second big step in shifting into a growth mindset is overcoming mom guilt. It's along those same lines. Let's say you're starting something new, like exercising or journaling or podcasting if you want.

But the minute you carve out time for yourself, there's part of you in your head that's saying, you should be folding laundry. Have you gone grocery shopping yet? The kids ran out of milk this morning and if they come home, blah, blah, blah. With a fixed mindset, you see this as a failure that you can't balance everything. Whereas if you're in a place with a growth mindset, you're thinking to yourself, I'm learning to take care of myself and that's a win for my family. So

Handling setbacks is another place where being able to shift your your brain into a positive place is gonna happen or going to be very positive for you because life doesn't always go as planned. Maybe you're trying something new with the kids and it completely backfired or you burned dinner after a long day and someone colored on the wall and it just makes you feel crazy. With a fixed mindset you're gonna be saying to yourself, I'm just not cut out for

being successful in parenting and multitasking. But in a growth mindset, setbacks are gonna remind you that you're learning and that stepping, they're stepping stones to figuring things out. Because it's not just about perfection, it's about progress. And that is the why it's called a growth mindset. You are progressing, you are evolving, you are growing. I know that one of the biggest places where I benefited from

Molly Ryden (08:55.768)
learning these techniques and learning this shift was when I went from having one kid to two. I didn't feel like I did anything right with my son because he had all these, you know, I knew, I knew, big finger quotes there, what it took to be a mom. I read the books, I went to the classes, I did all these things, and then my son showed up and gave me that big loop of NICU.

Medical complications constantly questioning. Am I doing the right thing? Should he be going to the doctor all this different stuff? And I just felt like I never Measured up to where I should have been as a parent and over time I realized that being a good mom meant not having all the answers it meant showing up and learning and being willing to learn and That's when with my daughter when she showed up

I basically realized and acknowledged I knew nothing. This was going to be a second kid and a whole new ball game. We were in a different place in our life. We were in a different place in our marriage. We had a kid. We had been through things one way. That was not the way we planned. And so I just knew that this one's going to be different and we have to be ready to adapt and pivot and learn along with her.

And it's been working out so far. mean, she's two and a half and she's still a challenge every day. But we learn together. I read a book not too long ago and the author stated that every day you're parenting, if you think of it as the first day, because it's the first day that you have a two year old, like a two year.

two-year, three-month, and 14-day-year-old. It's the first day that you are a 40-year, six-month, and four-day-old. If you think of every day as being the first day of this level of experience, then things throw you for less of a loop. It's a way to pivot your mindset on...

Molly Ryden (11:11.52)
motherhood and not being perfect and not understanding because every day is a new day and you learn something the day before and now you move forward. So let's talk about that. How is it that you develop a growth mindset? So you have to start with self-awareness. Now I notice, like I say this a lot, self-awareness and self-care.

I think that self-awareness and self-compassion is where we actually start with self-care. So when you have a fixed mindset, you're going to be like, I can't handle this. I can't do this. Or I'm never going to figure this out. I'm never going to get ahead. And that's when once you start to recognize those moments within yourself, you challenge them. You think about, if my best friend talked to me that way, what would I respond to with? So you ask yourself.

What would it look like if I changed the, I'm never going to be able to flip pancakes to, you know, if I keep practicing, I'm going to get there or, my God, this kid is never going to take a nap on the weekends. You know, maybe maybe we change up the routine. How can I change up the routine to improve nap time transition? How can I what systems can I put in place? You know, and it really starts to challenge you to think of different ways to make things easier for you.

and how you can grow into that. I've said it once, I'll say it again, gratitude, baby. Take a moment every day to reflect on one way that you've grown and learned recently. I mean, it can be super small, figuring out a new snack that your kid loves, or as big as learning how to advocate for yourself at work, at home, or communicate with your partner. And you have to celebrate those wins because they do add up.

I flip through my gratitude journals or my gratitude documents on my phone and like, my God, the road I have traveled and the things that used to be so important to me that now I'm like, my God, never did. That's just like old hat now. It's just habit. It really adds up. This is the biggest aspect for me on understanding and shifting to a growth mindset.

Molly Ryden (13:34.518)
When you catch yourself saying, I'm not good at this or thinking I'm not good at this, add the word yet. Y-E-T, add it. I'm not good at meal planning yet, but I'm learning. I'm not good at flipping pancakes yet, but I'm learning. You can't tell I struggle with making pancakes for my children.

That little word, that three-letter word is so powerful and such a powerful reminder that growth is always possible. I haven't potty trained my kid yet or my daughter's not potty trained yet. My son can't spell his last name yet, but he's practicing and every day at school he's learning more letters and he's learning more things.

And that's a thing that I think we lose. We stop challenging ourselves to learn. And we stop seeing progress in things. And so we think we're stuck and we're fixed and this is the best I'm ever going to get. And that's just not true. It's not. Like the more you practice, the more you implement, the more you grow. And that's like my last big tip for shifting to a growth mindset is surround yourself with growth oriented people.

I talk about it all the time. You are the average of the five people you spend the most amount of time with. If you are hanging out with people who are constantly negative, never want change, never change problem behaviors, allow other people to belittle, bully, and make them feel less than, you are going to get sucked into that void. So I don't care if it's other moms, it's friends around you who don't have kids, or you find a mentor on social media.

or listen to podcasts or do whatever to encourage you to grow. That is the reason that this community and this podcast and this space exists. It is to share a space, connect, support each other and help moms grow. I know that I scream this from the rooftops, but the reason I started and went after a coaching certificate and started this business, started this podcast is because I never wanted another mom to feel

Molly Ryden (15:58.008)
trapped and stuck and feel alone. And so that is what this is. This is a non-judgmental space where we learn together, we grow together, we share resources, we have conversations, and we build a safe place for moms to have honest conversations about being a mom. Because I'm tired of the narrative of it. being a mom

such a wonderful thing and like, just you're so blessed. Yeah, I know, but it still sucks sometimes and we still need to talk about it. And that's the thing too is remember your kids are always watching you, right? So when they see us embracing challenges, learning from mistakes and picking ourselves off, dusting ourselves off and keep going, they're going to learn to do the same. So how do we teach this to our children?

I see this challenge a lot with my fellow mom friends and it's that we are teaching our kids to rely on other people all the time. And so one of the best ways to help them develop a growth mindset and to face that challenge and that resilience is praise effort, not just results. So instead of saying, you're so smart.

try saying, I'm really proud of how hard you worked to do that, or your drawings are really improving. Keep going. This teaches your kids to value the effort and persistence over just being gifted to do it. I was, I always wanted to be the best at everything. I wanted to be the best drawer and the best athlete and all these things. And I wasn't.

Like I wasn't, but I always put in a lot of effort. And I remember at times my parents saying like, you just got to keep trying. You're getting faster. You're getting stronger. You're getting bigger. You're improving. Just keep going. And it paid off for me in the long run because now I don't give up. I don't lay down and just accept results that I could improve upon. And it has made a huge difference for me. Encourage problem solving. This is another one. If your kid says, I can't do this.

Molly Ryden (18:18.642)
Resist the urge to fix it for them. Instead, you say, what's a thing you can do to try to make this easier? My son would often struggle with picking out his clothes. Like, I know that that sounds simple, but he didn't know what the weather was going to be, so he was worried he wouldn't be dressed appropriately. So, every morning he asks his Google

what the weather is going to be. And then he's he has he now has an understanding of what weather looks like. And at first, before he had a Google Home in his room, he would step on our scale and we have a smart scale and it would show him the weather. So he solved he figured out how to solve his dilemma of what to wear. And it's been amazing watching him grow into that space. And it's also sharing your learning process take time to talk about how you used to struggle

withdrawing animals or writing your name or doing things like that or you know, you weren't the best athlete on the field, but you kept trying. Or, you know, I used to talk about how I wasn't a good cook and how I didn't know how to prepare things appropriately, but then I just kept trying and now we're eating pretty good, if I do say so myself. So there's lots of different ways that we can model a growth mindset to teach our kids that it's okay to struggle.

The world isn't always going to hand them exactly what they want when they want it, and they need to know that they're capable of overcoming those challenges. So I've rambled at you long enough today about what you can do to shift your mindset and walk into a better way of understanding who you are and how it can transform your life. But not only yours, your family's too.

And the thing is, is remember that these kind of things shifting into a growth mindset is a journey. It's not a destination. The whole point is that you're going to continue to work and evolve and learn and give yourself the grace to do so along the way. I would love to hear about how this episode landed with you. So feel free, take a screenshot, share it on Instagram.

Molly Ryden (20:38.146)
tag me at mamaneeds.me time. I really wanna keep this conversation going. I wanna keep creating a safe place for moms to experiment and learn and have a good time because you deserve it. So be kind to yourself. You're gonna make it through whatever's thrown at you and just keep growing and I'll see you next time.