Aubrey Pruneda: The cost of being good // #41

When Aubrey Pruneda was 21, she made a decision she believed was right. A heavy decision shaped by faith, family, duty, and a deep desire to do what she thought was best. Months later, she found herself fighting to reclaim the very thing she had been told to let go.

What unfolds in this conversation is a story of identity, belonging, faith, loss, resilience, motherhood, and the slow construction of an inner authority she was never taught to build.

From growing up in a high-control religious environment to building a wildly successful life that looked perfect from the outside, Aubrey shares the moments that cracked everything open ... and the unexpected path that followed.

This is one of the most powerful conversations I've ever had on the podcast, and I have a feeling you'll be thinking about it long after it ends.

In this episode, Aubrey shares:

•  The life-altering decision she made at 21 and the ripple effects that followed.
• What happens when your deepest knowing conflicts with everything you've been taught to believe.
• Growing up inside a high-demand religious system where obedience was celebrated and questions came at a steep cost.
• The impossible weight of carrying shame that was never yours to hold.
• Why losing your place within a system can feel like losing your identity.
• The courage it takes to listen to your heart when every voice around you tells you you're wrong.
• How spiritual awakening can dismantle the life you've spent years building.
• What it cost to spend a lifetime living someone else's definition of a "good" life.
• Why she walked away from a version of success most people spend their lives chasing.
• The difference between performing who you've been taught to be and discovering who you truly are.
• Why trusting yourself can feel terrifying when you've been taught to trust everyone else first.
• The long, messy, beautiful process of finding your own truth.
• What it means to become your own source of authority.
• The full-circle realization that changed the way she sees her entire life story.

About Aubrey Pruneda:
Aubrey is a brand strategist, creative director, and intuitive guide who helps women navigate seasons of identity evolution and trust who they are becoming.

Using intuitive insight, astrology, and brand strategy, she helps women see themselves more clearly, reconnect with their inner authority, and bring what is emerging within them into authentic expression.

She's the founder of Sovereign Alignment Frequencies (SAF), a private community for women moving through transformation, integration, and becoming.

When the timing is right, Aubrey helps women translate that inner alignment into the outer world through brand design, creative direction, and a presence that feels deeply true to who they are.

Connect with Aubrey:

• Work with her branding + strategy genius
• Hang out with her on Instagram and TikTok
• Sovereign Alignment Frequencies private community
• Mini Soul Reflection Reading

Disclaimer: 
This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Please consult with your doctor, therapist, or financial advisor for medical, mental health, or financial advice.

Transcript

Ashley Mondor: I have my beautiful, magical friend Aubrey Pruneda here with me today, and we have been jamming for, I think, a few months, honestly, but it feels like we've been friends for my entire life.

So you are doing really cool things, and because I know your story and I have been absolutely enamored with learning more about your process, what you've walked through, what you're doing right now, I was like, "Aubrey, please, for the love of all things holy, I need- to chat with you on the Free Your Heart podcast."

So Aubrey, welcome, and where are you joining us from around the world?

Aubrey Pruneda: Yes, I'm so excited to be here. I'm tuning in from the Salt Lake City, Utah area. I'm just a little bit north of Salt Lake, and it's still a little chilly out but, you know, we're, we're excited for the summer. It's beautiful here and yeah, just I'm happy to be here.

I actually was just gonna tell Ashley I was... You know, I'm in the shower this morning and I'm like, "Girl, I feel like I haven't... Even though I, I talk to you regularly at this point, I feel like there's so much to catch up on." I'm like, "I feel like I'm running [00:01:00] to grab a cup of coffee with you and just catch up on all the fun, exciting things that are going on," 'cause it's happening quickly, so.

Quickly. Yeah, I'm excited. I mean...

Ashley Mondor: so I, because I know your story, right? I'm wondering if you can take me to the before times, before I met you, when you were deep in it, because I think a lot of people will resonate with your story.

But tell me a little bit about, what you grew up in and what that process was like, and then I'd love to know what was the catalyst for you to shift?

Aubrey Pruneda: I actually was just having a conversation just this morning actually with someone about this as I was reflecting.

Just kind of she was sharing, you know, what really sparked her... I'm always fascinated, right? Like, what sparked your, evolution or your spiritual journey or... You know, obviously that sounds so cliché but really I feel like those of us who have all gone through something so transformational and deep, there is often that like, yeah, I thought I was, spiritual and, you know, in tune, but then you [00:02:00] have this catalyst moment it seems like where it's like, oh, I'm now aware of it, right?

So I was just telling her that it feels as though my journey to all of this has really been a slow burn. Even as young as I-- I can honestly remember being, like, seven, eight years old having experiences where, yeah, like, just I don't know. There's something deeper here or, you know, whatever it is. So a- and I just was taught that that was kind of a scary thing to think about or to go down that path.

And so, so much of my life and experience was just kind of blocking off, I guess, curiosity. To the things that I was always so drawn to, and it was because I was born and raised in a very high-demand Orthodox religion. I was born in the LDS religion and come from deep pioneer ancestry when it comes to the founders of the church.

And, I was taught to wear just a, a badge of honor [00:03:00] about that. And so it was so conflicting, even as a young girl who would have experiences with friends or those that have... you know, were in other faiths, and they were such good people, like better than most people that I knew. And so I was experiencing, cognitive dissonance at a really young age, and just not even having the language for any of that, right?

Couldn't necessarily talk to my parents because it always would take me back into the loop of, "This is what we believe. This is what we do. This is what we think," right? And so I just feel like most of my life I was being course-corrected and leaning on everyone's authority but my own. And so that was just my journey.

I'm the oldest of five, and, um, didn't grow up in Utah, so I didn't grow up in like the LDS bubble or like this big religious bubble. It was kind of one of those things where wherever we lived, it was, "Oh, you're different. Like you are... You're [00:04:00] not like everyone else." Like, that was the vibe that we were grow- And so I was like, "Aw," but like, "I wanna go hang out with these people," and, you know, "I wanna go do this thing."

And I just kind of have always had a wild spirit and just curious heart. And I understand all of it now, and I can just see it all, all the puzzle pieces coming together. But yeah, so my teen years had a lot of friction like with, you know, being that rebellious first child, black sheep of the family, living in, this, hardcore LDS family.

And my parents were always in leadership positions within the church, and so there was this need to essentially perform a certain way, right? I was born into a very large family, and when I was, um, just an, a little girl, like five I think, my grandmother, who was obsessed with, um, all of like Hollywood- Like old school Shirley Temple and Disneyland would.

So essentially all of her granddaughters were, like little dolls and would be put on stage and were [00:05:00] performers. And she put me in tap dance lessons so that I literally could learn Shirley Temple dances and perform them. And I would perform. I literally would perform at boat shows and like at church events and danced my whole life.

And so I've just been really good at knowing what my role is and what my script is and how to perform. And we would do... I just even remember-- And at the time it was like, "Oh, we're learning how to be good people. We have good values, we have good morals." And so it was always from this place of our intentions are so good, we want you to be successful.

And, and so I, again, I, I... So I, I knew that I could do really well and, and as I got into high school and things, like everyone was happy to bring me home to their family because I could be that good. Like I will perform and I will be the most polite friend, and I will help with the dishes. And I'm that loyal, trusted friend.

And then, behind the scenes, my friends and I are sneaking out and, doing [00:06:00] knows- who knows what. Like my poor parents had like spies on me, like trying to track me down. But then I'd show up to church. And so again, it's like on one hand, I looked like those people who were absolutely like contradicting, you know, "Oh, well, she's a member of the church.

Well, she doesn't act like it on the weekends." Or, you know, and I was like that because I was so confused about my own identity, right? And, and it came with a lot of shame because, you know, then it was as I, would get caught for doing silly things like my mom would come pick me up from school and I had just skipped and like gotten high in the car in the parking lot instead of, I don't know, going to tutoring session and pretending that I w- you know, just little things.

And it would just be these conversations hours long of what will happen now in the afterlife because of these choices. And I didn't resonate with any of it, but there was obviously a lot of shame that was being embedded, right? And it was like if I would be [00:07:00] caught doing something with a boy or whatever it was, no one's gonna wanna marry someone who's, essentially a chewed up piece of gum.

Those kind of narratives, right, would be essentially. But it was always from this place of- But we love you so much, and, we just wanna be a family forever. And so it's just so confusing, right? As you're, like, this young girl who's, like, trying to understand even, like, her curiosity, her sexuality, just, like, I don't know, whatever, being a normal kid, and just feeling I, I do f- And I'm not knocking anyone, but I do feel like it just carried a lot of shame.

It embedded a lot of shame obviously. And so yeah, as soon as I was free to leave, I left. And as you can imagine, most young Christian girls will be the craziest and wildest once they have freedom. And so yeah, I just was like, "I'm gonna spread my wings." And I moved to Hawaii and just played and, was like a beach bum and worked as, like, a, a, a [00:08:00] magician's assistant at, the Waikiki Hilton.

What? I know. It's so random. And we didn't do that very often. We mostly called in sick. Like, "We're, we're sick again. Like, off to go run to the beach and go cliff jumping or something with all the cute surfers." And anyway, so I was just living the dream, and then I ran out of money, and I'm like, "Well, I guess I better get serious about my life."

You know, I was 19, and a- all of the girls that, I'm going to school with or that are members, they're dating seriously, considering marriage. You know, that's kinda what you do in the culture. Like, "Ah, I'm getting old. I'm now 19. I better figure out what I'm gonna do with my life." And so I was like, "You know, I don't really have plans, so I'm going to move to Utah."

And 'cause my parents had a home. My father graduated from BYU, and at, when he attended the university in Utah, he, um, bought a little home, and that was, like, my childhood home when he was going to school. And so they had a home, [00:09:00] just a little home that my cousin and her family were living in. So it was like, "Okay, well, I've got basically somewhere to live for free, and I don't really know what I'm gonna do with life.

But, um, I don't know, doing hair sounds fun." So I was like, "I'm gonna just go to Paul Mitchell Cosmetology School in Provo, Utah." That was honestly just my plan. I didn't have any other plans. But I knew, I mean, if I'm going to, you know, follow the path of the good LDS girl and settle down eventually, I guess finding a boy in Utah is my best odds, you know?

So I headed to Utah and, um, went to Paul Mitchell Cosmetology School, and within a couple months I met Bobby. So, uh, probably within, like, the first month or two I was there. And yeah, and then we started dating, and we weren't dating very long and I got pregnant. And as you can imagine, being, again, a, an LDS girl, a bishop's, a bishopric daughter's, you know, uh, who, who actually is the second person in the family to have gotten pregnant [00:10:00] before marriage, it was like this scandal, right?

Like- Oh no, my family was in a situation where we're like, "Oh, we're doing this again. We can't handle this again." And so it was very much on the DL and on the hush-hush. And I, I don't know if it was a combination of, um, I, I don't know. It's kind of a blur. I don't know if it was my parents so overwhelmed with going through it again.

They had just walked through my sister getting pregnant, and she's given me permission to tell any parts of her story. But m- they had just had my sister, get pregnant, and she was only 16, 17, and it was a really hard experience, and she ended up placing her son for adoption. And I got pregnant. I found out I was pregnant literally while I was in town visiting her for her birth.

And so that was cool. Oh. Just how we roll around here. And it was such a painful thing for my family to go through, such a [00:11:00] traumatizing thing, and for my sister to go through, that when I was at home visiting in Washington, I remember finding out and, like, I cannot, I cannot put my family through this.

I'm home to visit my sister as she's going through the most, horrendous thing ever, right? And so I remember feeling awful, feeling like the worst person. Who does this? Who does this to their family? I couldn't even concentrate on my health or the wellbeing of the baby because I was just like, "I've ruined everyone's lives.

This is what's going through my mind. And obviously, that seems dramatic, but it does feel that dramatic at the time. And Bobby was not raised in the same environment, and so he's like, "Sweet." Like, "Yay, this is amazing." And I'm like, "No, you don't get it. You do not get it."

And so again, I just found myself in a situation where my intuition was screaming at me on what I should do. Or like, you know, there's that cognitive dissonance again screaming at me, [00:12:00] where it's like this, you're being told or you're being taught that this is the worst thing ever, but is it the worst thing ever, you know?

And so there was so much, disconnection and fracturing within myself. And so I just, again, lots of blurred memories, but it just became this whirlwind of, like, how do I get out of this situation and hurt as little amount of people as possible? And that meant absolutely severing my own inner authority, which...

'Cause I was taught that if I couldn't provide, an eternal home for this child, or an eternal life for this child as far as, like, eternity, forever, live with God again, because I wasn't providing a sacred home and I hadn't done it in, you know- through the temple and being sealed for all time and eternity through the power of the priesthood, I was doing it wrong.

And so therefore, my son wouldn't be sealed to me. And so that was like, if I can't give that to him, I [00:13:00] was taught that I, I needed to give him to a family that could. So obviously, for whatever reason, I think I've kind of been protected, honestly, from a lot of the memories because it was just so painful. Like, I don't...

Sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I truly look back at them like, I don't really know how I was getting through that, honestly. So I'm grateful that I kind of have some amnesia when it comes to that situation. But I will say that like I do remember feeling such desperation of, I mean, it, it, when you-- This is me, but obviously I know I'm not alone in this experience, but when you suddenly find yourself in a situation where it's not about you, right, it's about someone else, and because you love that person so much and you're literally the only person in that moment that can tend to them and care for them, and you would do anything to protect them, and it has been embedded since birth, since before birth, right?

Especially with learning and understanding like how we're passing so much down through [00:14:00] generations. I'm learning that like this, this fear of like I have to do anything at all costs to protect my children, to protect my family, to protect our own, to protect what we've built. I realize now that that is a wound that is very layered, right?

That is not just mine to carry, that there have been things that have happened in my family's past experiences, especially with the women. I don't, I can't speak to the men, but I do feel very strongly that there have been situations for years and years where women have had to stay silent.

Sometimes I, I do get frustrated with myself, like why would I ever believe that, you know? And, and so when people listen to other stories and they're like, "Well, that's stupid," like, "You're in a cult," or, "You're brainwashed," it's like, yeah, you are. And I remember people telling me that.

Even in high school, I had a really dear friend in high school, and he was just so, so kind and like would... He was just [00:15:00] really respectful. He wasn't like all the other boys that I would hang out with that were just like off to have a good time. He was just deeper and so insightful, and he would ask me deep questions, and there would be times when he would say things.

He was the only one that would be like- "I challenge you to look into this a little more," or, "I challenge you to... Like, you, you know you're a good person, right?" Like, he would just say those things, and I would just, you know, giggle and probably flirt or something. But, like, in my heart, I'd be like, "I'd like to think that.

I'd like to think that I'm a good person." But when you're told that, like, if you're doing anything that's contradictory to what you're taught, that you are so deceived, and that you're weak and your testimony's not strong enough. And so when I'm faced with a situation where it's like, oh, suddenly all the things that I've been warned about my whole life, right?

If you dress immodestly, then a boy's gonna maybe think about th- Like, all these different layers of, you know, conditioning, and all these [00:16:00] different things. And I realize that the, the, the LDS community is gonna hear me say this and probably think, like, that's so, you know, like, dramatic. Like, we are given our own, you know, um, agency.

And so I just wanna speak on that note, I actually had a thought about this. In the church, it's very common, it's a common practice where the first Sunday of every week, members of the congregation are invited to come and share their testimony, share their thoughts about why it is that they truly believe in the church, in the gospel, and, and what...

almost just, you know, I think about your podcast. This is why I love what I do. Look at this amazing experience that I had with this person, this client, and it's so transformational, and people's hearts are touched, right? And it's moving, and you're inspired, and there's that energetic exchange.

Well, you know, they have something called testimony meeting where the goal is to evoke those same feelings through storytelling, through shared emotion, right? But at the [00:17:00] time, you just think, oh, these people are just standing as witnesses to the gospel, right? And they're just sharing their testimony of the gospel, and that everything in their life is confirming to them that this is the path.

Every time a miracle happens, it's because this is the path. Every time I have this, this sign, this, oh, you look for angel numbers, well, we look... I- it's a sign that the church is true and that this is the way. And so these meetings are basically there for members to share their, their testimonies, and then the congregation is moved.

They're filled. They're like, "Oh, yeah, I can relate. That's touching," right? And people will get up, and they will share a story that maybe doesn't resonate with you, but you're like, "Oh, that's sweet," you know? And they're so moved, right? And they are, tears are flowing, and you believe them that they feel that.

You're like, "I know you're not, like, making it up. Do I agree with you? Not necessarily, but I believe you." That's, like, the only thing that I can [00:18:00] think of is when it's like I truly felt in my core that if I chose to keep my son, if I chose to, oh, what, you know, if we get married, it's okay if we do.

If we don't, I'm okay to like I could be a single mom. That kind of conversation was never even a part of our vocabulary. At least, and I'm, people might be like, "Well, that's dumb. You should have said, 'No, I, I'm gonna be a single mom.'" Yeah, I get that. But again, I was under the belief that it was so true that if I were to keep my son because I loved him, and that I would just figure it out and trust that I was good and trust that I'd be guided, that I was severing my eternal life with him, and that he was just gonna be, his spirit would not be connected to a family, and therefore I was doing him a disservice, and he couldn't truly live with God again because he wasn't...

You know, and all these different things. It's very deep. And so of course I'm gonna choose to sever my heart in two. Of [00:19:00] course I'm gonna choose to kill myself to save my son. That's ultimately how it's framed, right? You're doing the best thing you could ever do for him. You're giving a family, an eternal family, and because of this, one day you'll be able to get married in the temple, and you'll be blessed with an eternal family.

Good job, Aubrey. Like, good job. And so the, like, the betrayal for yourself is unimaginable. And I didn't have anyone to talk to about it because my parents were just, I think, happy that it could kinda go away. Because if I was in a place for adoption, nobody would know really that it happened, or unless they needed to.

You know, it was like a very small circle of people who knew. And so I was, I, I was brought back to Washington, and my s- younger siblings at the time, only my sister, who had just given birth and gone through something similar, she was the only one that knew. And I couldn't live at [00:20:00] home because I had younger siblings, and the narrative was that it would be too hard on my younger siblings.

They wouldn't understand it. They wouldn't understand why their sister was pregnant even though she wasn't married, and that would be too disappointing and too confusing for them. And so I was put in an apartment, like a little, um, apartment. It's like a room under a garage of a detached home.

It was in some town maybe, like, 20 minutes away from where my family lived, and it was because essentially, I would be seen less, you know? And so I just remember I would spend my days, getting fat, pregnant, all alone, and watching reruns of Friends. My roommates in Utah ship me a little box, like a care package, and they're like, "Sorry you're, like in a room by yourself.

But here's some magazines, and here's..." 'Cause they were all, they were all just, like, young 20, 19-year-old girls, you know? And they were, they were in the same culture. They were in the same [00:21:00] community, you know? And so although they're like, "Dang, that's kinda messed up," they like, they got it.

Anyway, I just remember it being such an isolating time, and I'm going through all these emotions, and again, I'm all alone. And I just keep thinking, "I'm hurting everyone. I'm hurting my family. My family's embarrassed of me. I'm hurting my sister who's just gone through this, and it was so traumatic for her.

I'm hurting this child. He's gonna be so confused. I'm hurting his father who just wants him so bad. I'm hurting everyone." And I, I don't ever think I ever once thought, but like, again, what do I want? And so anyway, if you wanna know what my core wound was, or as I've reflected on, you know, where did all this start, I think, there was a part of me that when that happened, when I ended up placing my son, [00:22:00] I just remember thinking like, "I don't know why that had to happen.

It doesn't make sense to me." And actually, I do remember later on asking my father, "Why do you think that happened? Why do you think I had to go through that?" And I guess maybe my mistake was asking him because he just has very much limited knowledge and understanding and is doing his best, right?

But his response was along the lines of, "Oftentimes God just needs to test us to see if we'll be obedient," and, and, and, you know, relates it back to, when Abraham was tested to sacrifice his son. A- and it's like they relate it back to the scriptures, And so again, you're just like, "Okay, maybe, yeah, maybe.

Maybe you're right." So here I was, I don't know how, again, how deep we wanna go here, but essentially if I look back, I think that was probably the first time where I realized, something died in me, I think, and I was like, [00:23:00] "Wow, um, I don't know what I'm doing because I just made a choice that doesn't feel very good, even though I'm told it was the best choice I could ever make."

So that was hard. But I was told everything will work out, and I believed that it would. And I think that, like, I've always had that- There's just that stubbornness in me where I'm like, I don't know sometimes how I'm as resilient as I am, but I know it'll be okay. I know I'll be okay. And so fast-forward a little bit, so this was an open adoption, and I remember, after giving birth, I went back to the empty little apartment alone.

Aw. And I remember sitting there like, "I'm lactating. I have no baby. I'm alone." And I remember the woman that I chose to place my son with, [00:24:00] she was doing her best, and so sweet, and was reaching out. Um, but the baby was struggling, and he was, you know, colicky and was not happy very often, and they just... I remember them being like, "Was your, was your pregnancy hard?"

And I just remember thinking, "Well, if you wanna talk about just maybe trauma." Oh, no. But, like, they were looking for, "Did you fall? Did you, did you s- use any substances?" And I was just like, "No, I was... I literally did everything I could. And so it was just very interesting because it was rough...

It was a really rough go for them. And so this w- made my healing process hard because I'm like, "Oh, he's not even happy." You know, I'm like, "He doesn't... He's not at peace, and I'm not at peace, and they're not at peace. Like, this sucks, you know?" Okay, and then just to fast-forward a little bit, I get a phone call when it's been about five and a half weeks, I believe, and I was [00:25:00] with his father, so...

even though I had placed him for adoption, like, I still loved his father so much. We had just gone through this. I couldn't believe that he still loved me after what I had done. And when people would ask him, "Why didn't you fight her?" Like, "Why didn't you take her to court?" He just told me that he already knew that this was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, and he didn't wanna make my life harder.

And he told me that he just, he trusted me.

And so even though everyone in my life told me, "This is your opportunity to run from him. You obviously weren't supposed to be with him," in my heart, I was like, "But I don't know, I kinda feel like I am." But it didn't make sense, 'cause I was like, "Well, if I'm not supposed to be with him, then why would I do this?

Why would I think, this was the right choice?" And it was just so confusing. And so then [00:26:00] I get a phone call from, I believe... I can't remember if it was from the birth family or the adoptive family, sorry, or the hospital, but I got a phone call saying that- He had been life-flighted to the Children's Hospital in Salt Lake for, um, multiple seizures, and he, he had to have emergency surgery because he had blood on his brain.

And, they didn't know why, and it was really traumatic because I couldn't do anything. I had given up all my rights, and so I was nobody in the system. And his father, because he didn't contest it, his rights were also severed, and so there was nothing we could do. But because it had not been even six months, or even, I, I mean, he was teeny tiny, that he wasn't officially adopted yet.

So he was in that limbo period where he [00:27:00] became, a ward of the state essentially. And while he was in the hospital recovering, it was determined that he would not be able to be placed with that family because there just was so much going on. And so he was put in foster care. Well, he was in the hospital for a long time, but then he was in foster care, and kinda bounced around in foster care.

And, and here I was, I was trying to, to heal, and I was trying to go to school, get my cosmetology license, and try to navigate a relationship with someone who it was just, it was so confusing, and challenging, and heartbreaking. And I remember also, I didn't mention this, but something else that was a little confusing through this whole process was, this event was so earth-shattering for me, and I was doing everything I could to be good, to make the right choices, to repent of my sins, [00:28:00] to make it all right, to be forgiven.

And so I would work with the bishop, and I, I remember when they told me that... I remember when I confessed, right? I had to go confess when this all happened, when I was pregnant. And I remember they treated my case very seriously, and they told me, "Well, you know, since you're not married, and, and you've obviously had sex, like, you're gonna have to go through a disciplinary court where we'll decide, if you need to be excommunicated or if you need to go through this, like, disciplinary process."

And again, I just was like, "Here I am. I'm all alone. I'm a young girl. I'm in an office with a bishop, who's supposed to be connected directly to God, who's telling me, 'I'm gonna have to talk to God to see if, like, you're gonna be okay to stay in good standing with Him bec- because of this sin that you've committed.'"

And I just remember thinking, "Really?" Like, I don't know, God's telling me, like, "It's okay. You're [00:29:00] good." But my father standing outside of the door, almost, like, guarding the door, I can't come out un- Like, and it was just interesting. My father was in the bishopric at the time, so he was one of the counselors of the bishop, and so they're kind of the right-hand man to the bishop.

And so it's like my father knew everything. He was talking to... It's like it felt very much so, like, let's kind of counsel, and then tell Aubrey what, what to do, right? And so, and I just remember doing what I was told, even though I hated it. I hated every second of it. And I, again, I look back and I'm like, I don't know why I, I...

'Cause I officially was an adult. I, I was 20 when I got pregnant. I was 21 when I ended up... I was, like, just turned 21 when I gave birth by, like, a month. And I just remember looking back, I'm like, I could have literally just walked out. But that's just not how it worked. I thought that God was watching me in that room.

And so I just remember thinking, I was so nervous. I had to go through this disciplinary court where I had to [00:30:00] relive all of my sins and tell them all my sins, talk about details of things, and then that they would get together and decide if I could attend church or what my standing in the church could be.

And I remember I was so nervous, and then they were like, they came to me, and it was like I was supposed to be really happy. I remember the bishop being like, "Okay, so we prayed about it, and we do think that you are sincere in your, you know, repentance, and, but this is a serious act, and because of that,

We're not gonna excommunicate you. We feel like..." And so I'm, like, supposed to be like, "Yes, thank you." But I just remember, being annoyed, kind of like, it wasn't actually on the table. And then, but they told me that I needed to be, like I needed to have a disciplinary, I needed to be on probation, essentially, where I couldn't take the sacrament, which is the reason why you go to church.

But I had to go to church, couldn't take the sacrament, couldn't pray in public, So basically, I know. It sounds kinda like, oh, so the scarlet letter, essentially. Because if you're not taking the sacrament and you're at church, it's [00:31:00] usually because you've done something that would permit you from taking the sacrament.

So the whole congregation kind of can judge to see, oh, so Sister So-and-So didn't take the sacrament. So here I was again, all alone, sitting on a back pew, pregnant, no one with me, and I can't take the sacrament, and I can't pray for anyone. Like, I can't... So I just remember kinda thinking, while I was on this probation, maybe this was the most rebellious thing I did, but I was kinda like, "Why am I doing this?

Why am I... I don't feel close to God. I don't feel better. I don't feel... I feel awful. All I can think about is my son. I hate this. I don't wanna be here anymore." And yet I just went through the motions. And so it was funny because then when I would talk to, his father on the phone and kinda be like, "So what, what's going on?

Did you talk to your bishop?" And he'd be like, "Yeah, I did." And he was like, "You know, it's all good, brother." Like, "Let's get, let's get you to the temple. Let's get you a calling. Let's..." Uh, the whole thing was [00:32:00] so different. I was like, wait, why was I treated so... Like I did the worst thing ever, and you were treated like, "Thank you for being so brave."

"Let's get you into leadership." You know? And at the time, again, we're just so, like, blindsided to it. My husband was a convert, and he had joined, only a few years before, so for him it was just such a different experience. And anyway, so all this to say, I just think that if I look back and I remember feeling like, wow, I have no power.

I have no say over what ha- is happening right now to my son. I can't control... Like, I've tried to do the right thing, but now what happens? Is God punishing me? Like, all these things were swirling through my mind. And anyway, long story short, I eventually just decided...

This was, like, months later, 'cause there was a lot of details in between. But eventually I just decided, something in me was like, "You are a good mom, and [00:33:00] you are his mother, and there's no one there for him right now, so maybe you should actually just, go fight for him." So

What had happened was I got notified that he was going to be placed permanently with a family, and I wouldn't h- know who they were, and I wouldn't have contact with them. And I was like, well, the whole reason I even agreed to this was because I was able to pick a very specific family, a very specific person, and she's the only one I want.

So if it doesn't work out that way, I don't wanna do it. I panicked. I think the adoption was gonna happen in, like, two days, or the placement was gonna happen in, two days, all of a sudden that fire in me was just, like, roaring, and I was like, whatever I gotta do.

I remember, this is crazy, but I remember I was getting resourceful. I was reaching out to girlfriends that I was going to hair school with, and I was like, "They're gonna come do a home check. Can I..." Like, we set up a beautiful nursery in one of my friend's, like, um, h- a rooms. Like, she had such a beautiful apartment, and she lived alone at the time, [00:34:00] and she was like, "Come, let's, like, get the whole apartment all nursery ready."

And she threw me a baby shower. I didn't even know if I was gonna get a baby, but she threw me a baby shower. She stocked me with everything because I suddenly had to go from telling them, like- I, um, like basically giving my authority away, and like they didn't even ask me anything really as far as like, "Are you sure you wanna place?

Are you sure? Are you sure you wanna do this? This is big. Do you need to take some counseling? Do you wanna do some ther- do you wanna talk to someone, anyone?" But as soon as, so it's like they don't ask very many questions when it's like, "Oh, we trust your decision-making when it comes to this." But when I'm like, "Actually, I am fit.

Actually, I do want him. Actually, I know that God would be cheering me on right now," suddenly it was very challenging, right? It was, I had to jump through all the hoops, Suddenly I was like being treated like a criminal who had to like plead that I was, you know, a fit mom. And I just was like, "I don't care what it takes.

I'll do whatever." And so I just remember, I got a phone call, and I was [00:35:00] told, "The baby is with the adoptive family or the foster family right now. And if you want to come see him, you can." And so, and this was like the first time that his dad was able to even see him in person, and by this point he was, like, eight, nine months.

And I just remember we walk in, and it was, like, the most beautiful experience. And I was like, "I'm never, not letting him, I'm not letting him out of my sight." I didn't know what was gonna happen. I remember it was so weird. They invited us to sit down and have spaghetti with them, and I was like, "Can we just leave now?"

But anyway, the whole point is, is I was, like, fighting, fighting, and I had to meet with church officials. I had to meet with members of the apostles of the church leaders, and basically plead with them, like, "I'm a good mom." And my dad, finally, I had to call my dad and say, "I know you guys don't agree with me, but, like, I need help.

I'm all alone. I don't have lawyers. I can't fight the church. They have millions and millions of dollars." [00:36:00] Anyway, long story short, my father did end up coming, and I remember we sat in this, boardroom with all of the church lawyers and all of their, apostles and, and basically it was so intimidating, and they just were kinda like, "Well, why would you think that you would be fit now?"

You know? And I'm like, I just remember, like, this stirring within me. Like, fit now? I think I've always been fit. There was just a different part of me that was speaking. And I just remember feeling like, "I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving here because, you didn't even ask if I was fit before."

Like, are you fit to make a decision to give him for adoption? So anyway, I did remember being told that this had never happened in the history of the adoption agency with the church, and so they had to take it to the prophet, essentially, is what I was told. And that the prophet apparently, at the time, it was Gordon B.

Hinckley, that he, um- [00:37:00] prayed with his apostles, and they counseled on whether or not that they would allow a reversal to happen, 'cause it had never happened apparently. So we get this phone call that we can go visit him, and we're there, and we're trying... I'm trying to pretend like I'm eating spaghetti.

And all of a sudden we get a knock on the door, and there's a lawyer at the door with, like, some silly stapled two-page typed up thing that was, like... I don't even know what it said, honestly. I don't remember. But it was like, "If you sign this, like, you can take him now." And the whole thing was just bizarre and weird, but I was like, "Hell yeah, where's the pen?"

We didn't have anything. We literally had just the clothes he was wearing, and a couple diapers, and a little diaper bag that this foster mom gave us. And we left, and we went to the courthouse, like, two days later, and we got married. And anyway, that's the story that how our family began. So Champy, my oldest that you just [00:38:00] met, that's...

Yep. And Bobby is his dad. And anyway, we're all here together now. What's so crazy is, he just turned 21, and so that was... That's been... I was 21, right, when this all happened. And so it's just been a really interesting full circle where I've had so much shame for so many years about all of it.

And then, 'cause then the shame turned into how could I have abandoned myself so much to where I would have ever have thought that that would be okay? And I just have to also remember, this is why I keep telling you too, that, like, even though I've known it, there's been so much happen recently, and you've been a big part of that, where it's like I know I'm...

I've been divinely guided the whole time, and I know that, like, it's okay that it, it had to be that way. I know that sounds crazy, but, like, it just did. And There are parts of the story that obviously I haven't even shared that involve other people. But when I look back now on everything, it's like every single piece of it, as much as [00:39:00] it's been painful and as much as it's been, like, you know, even all the parts of it that are just so ridiculous to think back on, I am grateful for.

I am, and I really do realize that it has been part of the process, part of my journey to get to where I am now. I don't think I could have learned the lessons that my soul needed if I had not walked that very specific path. And I know, again, that sounds very dramatic, but I had to surrender my authority or give my authority away for so much to realize- Like how much it means to me, or what it means to reclaim it.

Or just, again, how divinely guided I am. Or how much my life has just been this constant unfolding in perfect timing. You know? I couldn't have orchestrated it better. And so in the times when we're going through things or even there's been challenges in our marriage or challenges with parenting, it's like, dang, for whatever [00:40:00] reason, our family's had to go through a lot to be a family.

And so if we're gonna give up, like I remember Bobby and I would have a lot of these conversations. We're like, "Okay," like, "Is this where we are?" Like, "Okay. Well, that was a good run. That was a, that was a lot and we've learned a lot, and our family went through hell and high water." And be like, "Okay, so is that it?

Are we done now?" Like, "Can we close that chapter?" And so far it's always been like, no, the chapters are still being written. It's okay, and they're hard, and they're not always pretty, and there's a lot of chapters that are messy, and painful, and hard to recall, and I don't wanna go back on all the time. But again, now that all this is coming, you know, in full circle, my whole journey, even getting to where I am now, I feel, as though that that was probably the catalyst for most of it.

So then I kind of still went through the motions, right? Like that stirring was there within me where I was like, "Okay, I think God is leading me more directly and I think I can listen in, and it's okay if I maybe don't [00:41:00] subscribe to all of these things", but I was still kind of in that middle ground of the conditioning is just so deep, right?

And then I had, my daughter, who's my baby, but in the church, when you turn eight you get baptized, and she had just turned eight and I was preparing for her baptism. And actually, I'll rewind it a little further back. I was called to, work with the young girls in our ward, so this was like a position, a service position that I had dreamed about 'cause I was like, "I would be so fun with the girls."

As a young girl I was always like, "One day, that's the calling I want. I'm gonna be so fun and I'm gonna do all the fun activities and I'm gonna teach them cool stuff, and our activities are never gonna be boring." And so it was always a dream of mine to work with the young women.

And then I got called to work with the young women and I had to teach them lessons, right? I had to go and I had to read the curriculum, and I had to get lessons prepared, and I had to go turn to things, and I had... 'Cause you prepare and you plan. And, and I remember I would, I was like, [00:42:00] "Ew." I would be reading some of the lessons and I'm like, "I'm not talking about that.

I'm not saying that." And I'm like, "Well, but usually the teachers just read from the manual. You just read from the manual and then you ask the girls the questions." And so whenever it was my turn to teach, I was starting to Leave things out or twist some things, or I'd be like, like slip in, "Oh, actually, girls, I wrote a poem this week."

And I would just start sharing things. And I, I, I know that that was like kind of risque or whatever, but I just remember thinking, "I literally can't teach these girls some of these lessons." There was just too much cognitive dissonance happening at that moment, and it was getting stronger and stronger.

And around that same time is when I was preparing for my daughter's baptism. And when you're baptized, it's like you're basically, making this important, very sacred promise, covenant, commitment with the church, with God. And I just remember thinking like, "She is eight. She has no idea what she is covenanting to, what she is promising, [00:43:00] what she is stepping into."

And I'm, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. I'm just like she's only eight years old. And I just remember I started feeling really protective of... 'Cause that's when they start having interviews with the bishopric, with the leaders of the church. And again, she's a little girl.

I remember when I would have bishopric interviews as a little girl, always feeling uncomfortable. I never wanted to be there, but that's what you do. That's how you do it, right? And so I just thought, was like, "If she doesn't wanna go, she doesn't have to go." Or, but that was, again, a little too rebellious, so I'd be like, "Well, then, I'm gonna sit in there with her."

And at the time, that was kind of not the thing. Now, they require, a parent, which is good. But at the time I'm like, "No, I wanna be there." Or I would start saying, "Well, I don't want her to go to that activity," or, "I don't want her to learn that lesson." And so I started realizing with a different lens, what it was that my daughter was actually learning, what she was absorbing, all these lessons that I had been learning my whole life.

And it was just very clear to me that that's not how I wanted to teach my daughter. And so I think that that finally gave myself permission [00:44:00] that like what you've known all along kind of, that like if you didn't have the confidence or the courage or the understanding to be that voice for yourself, right, when you were younger, you didn't have the language, you didn't have the understanding.

And even though you don't quite understand what it is that you're stepping into or stepping out of or what this even means, can you be curious about it? What does it mean if you allow yourself to just ask the questions finally that you've been, not allowing yourself to ask forever? And so that was, around 2019.

And then when the world shut down, in 2020, it was kind of that excuse. We weren't going to church. Everybody was at home. And so I was able to take my time that I would, normally be at church studying or communing or whatever, doing lessons, and I was like, "What do I wanna learn?

What do I wanna teach my children? If they're not going to church now, if we're not- Going to church as a family like we've done their whole lives, like marched in and sat in the rows and been so [00:45:00] polite. If I'm not doing that anymore, then what am I gonna teach them?

And I just remember feeling like this need to slowly bring in different teachings, different traditions, different cultures, different lessons, and I just, my craving for knowledge just really expanded. And I remember, what we used to do as a family that the church teaches you to do, which is called family home evening, which it's one day a week, usually Monday night, you have a lesson and you have prayer and you study scriptures, and I didn't wanna do any of that anymore.

It didn't feel aligned, and so I started doing my own. I was like, "We're gonna do meals with a message." And I started like tying in Buddhism, and I started tying in like just other teachings and more of nature and, and I remember my husband kind of being like, "Okay, girl." But at the same time, again, like Bobby, I think there's a theme that maybe you're starting to even pick up on, where he, even if he doesn't always agree, he's like, "I trust you.

Like, I trust you." And that means so much to me because we've just really been through a lot where there's been times where I feel like, "Oh man, here I go again. [00:46:00] Aubrey's uprooting everything, and Aubrey's dismantling everything, and Aubrey's causing contention and chaos again." And I used to be like, "Who am I hurting?

I'm hurting everyone." My decisions hurt everyone even if I'm trying my best to make the right choices, I always hurt people, and that's been a wound of mine, right? And so not only that, but I've also had this wound of if I've ever tried to speak up about like questions or, "That doesn't really resonate with me" or, "But Dad, what about so and so whose dad is a priest at that church and they're so good?"

Like, whenever I would just have big questions, it was just always either brushed off or... I kind of got this sense that I wasn't really taken seriously. And so when you had asked me, about my first time, being under hypnosis, that's actually what the core kind of theme was for that a few years ago when I had a session.

It was that I have this wound of not really feeling like I'm taken seriously [00:47:00] or that my voice kind of matters, that I'm just kind of like, "Oh, Aubrey's being Aubrey again." You know, that's this theme of mine. And so when I started to have these big epiphanies or awakenings or like, "Yeah, keep going.

Keep going, Aubrey. You're on the right track. You're on the right track," and as I'm feeling so guided that I'm on the right track, my life is collapsing, right? External world is collapsing. Suddenly my identity is shifting so much to where- I can't show up online like I used to. I can't show up in spaces where I'm meant to or I'm expected to lead a Zoom call of 100 people.

All of a sudden, I'm like, "I don't know who the hell I am anymore," because I've only been performing as this one person, as this one version. And all the parts of me that, you know, are me, I've had to keep hidden because if I show up as me, it's like I'm just either making mistakes, I'm lost, I don't know what I want.

It's always like the one who's [00:48:00] making the messes that people need to clean up after. That's what I feel like my life has been. And so I had this theme running through my mind, my subconscious, that was like, "You're just this wild child essentially." And I'm learning, like no, actually the truest parts of me are very grounded, and very structured, and very settled, and very in tune, and very, guided.

And, and I am confident in a lot of things, and I just didn't know that part of me because that part of me was the only part that she would only show up in private, you know? And it's just been a very interesting awakening, so to speak, to realize that actually the parts of me, those wounds with- of that were like, "Oh, people don't take me seriously," it's because I wasn't actually taking me seriously, right?

I wasn't taking that internal authority seriously. I wasn't taking the true direct divine guidance that I've been instilled with. I wasn't taking that seriously. And so now that [00:49:00] I'm like, "Oh no, I'm just gonna tap into that and anchor into that," and if it looks like my life is imploding, yeah, because this is the only way to get to where I actually wanna go.

And I was just telling Bobby last night, I was like, "It's interesting," because I- I'll be real about this. So when I first was showing up online back in I don't know, 2016, 2017, and I was looking back on some of my old reels and stuff, and I wanted to throw up at the like,"Hi! I'm Aubrey!" the voice.

I was like, "Who's, who's that voice? What is... what are you doing, girl?" Like the high-pitch performative ... high-pitch performative. I was like what the heck. Nails on a chalkboard, and I didn't even realize. And then, and I would always just say, yeah. And people even- With the company that I was with, they would be like, you're really good at performing, and you know how to, like, light up the stage." And so then I'm like, "Oh, if I'm performing, they like me. [00:50:00] If I'm performing, I'm getting more followers. If I'm performing, I'm getting put on this pedestal as a leader within a company. I'm... Oh, suddenly I'm a top earner because I'm performing like a top earner."

And I was getting rewarded for it, right? I think this is important to touch on, just to paint a little picture. So you are still in the church, and you also are running a business within the church, and I want you to speak a little bit to that because there's pieces of why you were doing what you're doing now that we'll weave in later.

Yeah. But you, you hit it, girl. Like, you were in it successfully. Yeah. Well, and that's the crazy thing is when you're taught if you live your life a certain way, if you follow certain guidelines, if you stay true to the covenant path, you will be blessed. You'll be financially blessed.

You will be blessed with love and community. And so, again, speaking briefly, a- as I don't wanna speak for him, but, my husband's always [00:51:00] expressed that that's one thing that really drew him to the church was the structure because he grew up in an environment where there was no structure, where there were no, "Hey, if you make this choice, this positive thing could happen."

There just really wasn't any of that. And so when he found some type of structure, it was like, sweet, if I follow A, B, C, D, I get X, Y, Z results. Sweet. And so for him, logically, he's like, "But it's working," right? And so, again, that was huge for me is I had created a persona, an identity, this business woman who was like, boss babe, whatever.

And I had a lot of people relying on me and looking to me for guidance. And so suddenly when... I would say probably around 2021, 2020, 2021 is when I was like, oh, I can't keep performing anymore. I literally could not force myself to show up in certain spaces the way that I was.

It just, it felt so misaligned. Like, I couldn't even fake it anymore, and my [00:52:00] body was getting sick when I would try. That's when I began to go into this, like, cocoon of sorts. But yeah, my identity was so tied to not only the church, but within that church- Not that this is a bad thing, but because of the company that I w- am with, I mean, I still love their product, and I still love their mission.

It's not that. It's not anything about the actual company. It's just that energetically what I had become inside of that company and my relationship with the owners and the founders, who by the way, are all members of the same church, right? That became almost like if I begin to change, it is so exposing that I think I maybe thought anyway I would be rejected.

Because I had actually seen it happen. I'd seen it happen. I had been in the spaces where you're at the tippy top, and you're in the private conversations, and they're talking about the people who leave. They're talking about the people. And, and I was, uh, [00:53:00] again, there's always these moments where I'm like, "Ugh, it doesn't feel right," because I think subconsciously I kinda knew that maybe I was on my way out before I knew.

You know what I mean?

Ashley Mondor: And I just wanna speak to this business that you're in at the time, and I know you're still in it, but the reason why this is such a big deal is because you built this, and you built it within the church. And I think, I don't know if they are allowed to call it that, but it's like MLM, right?

Like, you are bringing in uplines and downlines and all this stuff.

Aubrey Pruneda: It's a network marketing company, yes. Right. And your livelihood relies on, you know, like you have to maintain a certain position or a certain rank every month. You have to sell a certain amount of product every month obviously to stay at the level that you're at.

And so there's a lot of pressure. And, and I'll say it brought the most amazing experiences, and travel, and some of the closest friends. I don't regret it for one second. But, uh, looking back, again, I'm like, dang, it... I was just in this grind that I didn't [00:54:00] realize I was in. And that's okay because it was like I was energetic.

It was fun. It was, like, free-flowing at the time. But then as I have shifted and as I've grown, I've realized that because I didn't have, one, s- a super solid, steady foundation within myself, first of all, and second of all, I didn't have a very solid, steady foundation when it came to, like, what I could maintain because

There did come a point where I was feeling like I had to run it all by myself, and it was like... And, and then when, your livelihood depends on it, you just shift from, this is fun, and this is expansive, and this feels good and aligned to when all of a sudden it's not, but this is your livelihood.

And you're just trying to, like, fake your way and force your way. And I was like, "Well, this is what I've been doing my whole life, I think, is faking my way and forcing my way." And so it was so challenging because again on one hand it's like- You've created your dream life. You've retired your husband.

You've bought your dream home. You've just put in a pool. [00:55:00] This is a lifestyle now, right? And all of a sudden, I have this massive identity shift, and I'm like, "I can't show up as that person anymore. .. I love the product. I use the product, but I cannot, I can't do that anymore. I can't do that anymore."

And I felt like a failure... and I remember actually a girl that was one of my core, partners a couple years prior to me. She was a member of the church, and she had her own spiritual awakening, and she came to me and said, "Aubrey, I love you so much, but because I love you so much, I don't think I have the capacity to lead this anymore, and so I want to step aside and, like, let you fill it."

And that was so gracious of her 'cause some people just stay in their position and get paid forever. But what was so... Well, at the time, I was like, "I don't get it. What does that have to do with anything?" 'Cause, uh, she... Lesson learned on me. She's going through her spiritual awakening. She's deconstructing.

She's like, "I don't know what's up or down. I don't know what I believe. I don't know." And I'm like, "But what does that have to do with your business? What do you mean?" Like, you [00:56:00] know? And I didn't get it at the time, obviously. And I just remember thinking, "No worries, girl. Like, come back when you're ready.

Taking your little break." You know? And I didn't realize like, oh, no, if you go through that, you go through it, and oftentimes you don't come out at all recognizable or the same. And your passions change, and your priorities sometimes change. And, life brings you different opportunities, and it evolves, and that's okay.

And it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with what you were doing before. And I just didn't get that at the time. And then of course, as always, God had my back in that too because then when I kinda had my collapse or my crumble, my expansive, you know, life-altering awakening, I had to humble myself and be like, "Girl, I'm sorry that I, didn't get it.

And I... It's not that I was mean about it. I just didn't get it, you know?" And I'm like, "Thank you for being honest, and thank you for putting into words what, I don't think I would've even been able to articulate myself as I [00:57:00] noticed myself not being able to show up the same way when it came to my business."

All of a sudden, when I used to love jumping on and teaching classes or jumping on and sharing online and it was so fun to see new followers every day. And it's just so interesting because, as I've been, like, slowly coming out of my cocoon and emerging a little bit and being a little more, vocal or showing up a little bit more, I'm, I'm not gonna lie, my main account was so dead and I hadn't touched it for probably majority of that like awakening.

I would pop in literally maybe once a month. It was bad. Where I was showing up every single day, all day long, right? Building a community. And so when I started to emerge a little bit, it was interesting because I finally was like, "Okay, so I'm gonna start sharing a little more of what I'm doing now over on this, this new place, this new space."

And so some people, uh, from my past life, you know, it's just been so funny 'cause they'll pop in, they'll pop in, [00:58:00] and then they'll check me out for a couple days, and then they'll pop out. You know, 'cause I think they're like, "Wait. Oh, yay, what's Aubrey up to?" And then they see what I'm up to now, they're like, "Who is this and what are you doing?"

And I was telling Bobby last night, I was like, "You know what's funny is me being me actually." People probably think that I'm like faking this, that all of a sudden I'm trying to be like, "Oh, hey, guys," "it's Aubrey here. It's the new me. It's the Scorpio version." Like, you know, they probably think I'm so annoying.

Someone reached out to me the other day 'Cause I, I love dancing, okay? I've danced my whole life. I told you my grandma put me in tap when I was five. I've just danced my whole life, but I've n- yeah, I love tap, but I actually really just love to dance, and for so long I've just been like, "Oh, I'm old now.

I c- whatever." So stupid. So I really... Dance is a, a huge part of my life. So sometimes I freaking will dance a little bit and post it, and people have been like, "We don't get it." And I'm like, "Yeah, well, but my friends do." 'Cause like my friends like that part of me. But [00:59:00] it's just funny because they think I'm faking this when actually this is just real.

This is real, but they're like, they don't know how to they don't know how to deal with the real me, so they're like, "Oh, we thought... Mm, nah, no, uh, we're out. We're out." And it's actually the people mostly like family, right, that are like, "Oh, Aubrey." You know, A- sweet Aunt Suzy, but yeah, Su- Suzy's not ready for what I'm gonna be sharing.

So it's actually good. It's been helpful because as they've been popping in I'm like, "Oh, no. Oh, no. Can I still be me? Can I still be me? Can I still practice being this new version of me? Can I still practice, being visible out of my, uh, becoming, you know, my emergence, so to speak?" And it's been a real practice, for sure.

I know that I'm disappointing people, and that's okay. And I know that people don't understand, and that's okay. And I'm still doing it, and it's actually been... Like, I'm not joking when I say it's kind of like a challenge at this point where I'm like, if I see these things happening, "Okay, all [01:00:00] right, nervous system, where are we at?"

Like, check in, right? What am I feeling? Is this even mine? So much, you know, that I've even learned from you, and so it's just been really cool to see it all come together. And honestly, truly, I don't know h- where you wanna go as far as like where I'm at now kinda came to be, but- I just- what are you thinking?

Ashley Mondor: I just want all of our wonderful people who are listening to understand that Aubrey grew up in this worldview and had all of these... I mean, the rage that I felt while you were sharing your story, the audacity of these men, I swear to, ugh.

But then to shift to you became very, very, very successful. Your life was built on this specific business, and you were doing so well that you retired your husband, you got your dream home. Like, you're doing all these things, right? You have the beautiful stuff in your home, and then you have this awakening, and it's, like, literally so earth-shattering that the sand is, like [01:01:00] underneath you.

But the thing that I, I see as the through line, because you know I know you, but also what you just shared, is that it's always been about women. It's always been about girls for you. That's why you love the business, right? It's because you loved having them, learn skills, and to have, a voice, and to follow their passion, and you love supporting them.

You wanted to support the little girls in the church, man. So I wanna weave that all the way to now you do very, very, very aligned work.

Aubrey Pruneda: Well, that's a good point, because I think you're right. At the time, so I was a stay-at-home mom. You know, at the time I'm like, "This is the dream.

This is all I wanna do. This is all I've ever wanted to do." Because again, I didn't really think that there w- I just didn't really think there was another way. I'd seen my mom do it. I'd seen her mom do it, and yes, I had lots of friends who went off to college and became, like, business career women who were members of the church, but that just wasn't my reality, that I didn't...

Like, my parents were never like, "Hey, so what are your grades like? What do you [01:02:00] wanna do after school?" Like, you know, it just wasn't really a topic. So that's on me, So anyway, my point is as I was in the thick of motherhood, right? I get married really young. I'm married by 21. I s- once, you know, we're a little family, I was like, "Okay.

Well, I guess we're just, we're doing it now." So we start having babies, like one does in the church, and I had four kids. I believe I was 28 by the time I had four kids, right? So I was, like, literally in the thick of motherhood. That was... It's just all a blur, right? We were doing the diapers, and the double car seats, and, and my life just revolved around caring for my babies.

And so when an opportunity truly landed in my lap where I viewed it as, one, 'cause I've always been into more of, the natural options, living more of that crunchy lifestyle. I'm not as hardcore as I used to be where you feel like you have to only... Like, especially when that's your livelihood, and you promote a company, you're like, "You have to buy everything from here because it's all safe."

I'm not so crazy anymore, [01:03:00] and I know better. But my point is, is I've always been interested in, more holistic options. And so when an opportunity landed in my lap where I could care for my kids, and I could meet with other moms, and we could hang out at the park, and we could talk about, how cool it was that we could help our kids stay safe and healthy and all these things, I just suddenly...

Like, this spark was lit, and I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, I just love this." But it was... You're right. It was not so much the product. Yes, I loved it, but it was that I got to help other women become empowered. Because the women that I began to attract were... I remember the very first women that began to, do the business with me, they were...

One of them was a single mom who had little kids at the time, and She was like, "I was praying for an opportunity to maybe make some extra cash." That to me was like, "Oh, my gosh, this is amazing. We can do this together. We got this." And then, another mom would tell me, "Oh, my gosh, I was on my knees praying for you because I was looking for ways to leave my corporate job and care for my children at home."

And so At the time, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, you guys, [01:04:00] women, we can do this. We can be home with our babies, and we can be empowered. And oh, did you know, actually, I can help you earn enough money to buy enough groceries so you don't have to be stressed?" Or, "Oh, do you wanna..." Like, for me, I was like, "Wait.

So wait, I can put my kids in extracurricular activities and not be stressed? I can just have this, little cash pile for my kids to do all the sports, and, like, have fun?" And so, I was motivated by, empowering other mothers to, like, "Hey, you can go to the grocery store and not be stressed.

So it was, like, empowering women, right? And then I just became obsessed with talking about the business with the women and like, " If we can strategize on this a little bit, like, you can start earning $1,000 a month. And oh, my gosh, like, you guys could pay off your car payment."

It was so exciting for me. So then I wanted to talk about strategy, and then I was like- I realized that these women had such beautiful talents and gifts, and one woman would be, like, incredible at teaching because that's what she did. She was, a high school teacher. Another [01:05:00] woman was so, incredible with giving other types of life tips, and, movement tips, and hormone tips.

And we... I was like, "Oh my gosh, you can specialize in the baby stuff, and you can..." Like, my brain was always just like, "Oh, and then we can form this community where we're all shining in our own way." And so that's what we did. We created a really beautiful, thriving community for our essential oil business, and it was global, and we had women all over the world, and we met weekly, and it was so...

it was amazing, and I got to travel the world and to speak, and it was everything. And at the same time, I do believe that my passion, even before all of this happened, my passion for really just helping other women with their personal brand and their business, 'cause I began to realize, I'm like, "Oh, I'm actually kind of good at the business side.

I'm actually kind of good at helping them with, like, strategizing. Oh, I'm actually kind of good at this or that." And then I realized, oh, because we're all selling the same product, [01:06:00] we gotta find ways to, set ourselves apart, right? What's gonna set our community apart? So I just started to think in that way, and I found myself really just wanting to work with the women and, help them create a personal brand.

I was like, "Let's help you..." But I didn't really know what that was at the time, right? This was like 2017, 2018. I'm like, "I don't know what I'm doing, but let's make a personal brand for you." So I started playing in Canva with, little logos and, cute graphics for our team or for them.

And I just realized, wow, I really like making beautiful things, and I like helping women to stand out and to help their gifts shine. And so it really kind of developed, yeah, through mentoring and coaching these women with my network marketing company. And so yeah, you're right. It's not so much been about the product.

It's always been about, how can I help these women to feel empowered, to have a voice, to be seen, to feel like they're, they're just contributing to not only their family and their lives. But, like, I started to coach more on, like, oh, we're creating our reality. [01:07:00] Oh, and when we put it out into the universe, and we're writing, we're scripting.

And so it was like I was tying all these things in that I was learning about life, and I was applying it to the business. And at the time, not a lot of people were doing that, right? Like merging... At least in the company I was with, nobody was really doing that, where they were merging that, like, spiritual, energetic, law of attraction type of thing into, your business strategy.

And for a long time, it worked really well, and we expanded, and we grew and- we had a team, a global team of I think that at one point it was, like, 25,000. It was a big team. And- Whoo. I know. I know. But here's the thing. I didn't have the systems or the capacity to, to keep it afloat all by myself because I...

That's just a hard lesson that I had to learn. And then when I had my identity shift, it kind of did all collapse because I took a step back and nothing was really functioning without me, right? Once I stepped back, it was like, "Oh, well then everything goes to shit because you're [01:08:00] not there to keep it afloat."

The pyramid. Yes. And I also realized that so much of what was magical about what I had created wasn't the fact that I had 20,000-plus people underneath me. It was the fact that women would tell me, they were like, "Aubrey, you don't do calls anymore. Aubrey, like, we miss seeing you.

Aubrey..." And I was like, "Oh," like they, maybe they like my energy, but I just didn't realize that, it was actually me and it wasn't the fact that I was helping them make money with this one specific thing. Because now that I'm, stepping more into myself and I'm like, "Oh, no, actually I am good at this and I am good at that," and it has nothing to do with that one business model.

I'm just good at helping other women, other business owners shine and to get their message out there and to do it in a way that feels contained and structured so they can expand, right? Because it goes hand-in-hand. And I'm confident in that now, but at the time I would downplay it so much. So I would pretend like I had to have this, perfect pitch, but then really I just wanted to, geek out [01:09:00] over all the energetics and, like, the, you know, like, expansive fun.

And it can be that way, but I just didn't realize it, you know? Mm-hmm. So I didn't understand at the time that it was just me, and that's what I try to teach other women now. I'm like, " You can do anything, honestly. It's you that is pouring this energy, this magic, this essence into whatever offer you decide to bring into reality,"

it's you. And I, it took me a really long time to be like, "Oh, okay, so it's just been me all along and I can trust that if I just lean into that, the right ones will resonate with that," right? And that's been a big process learning for me because when I was performing, it was like rapid fire growth. And when I'm me, it's like people are kinda, like, testing the waters a little bit more like, "Who's this?

What are you doing?" You know? Yeah. So it's interesting. But it's cool 'cause it's helped me to really sink into just better self-love, self-trust, and I guess commitment, right? Like, I'm not, I'm not letting that go again. I'm not gonna [01:10:00] sever that relationship anymore. Well, and I think this is why it's so profound the work that you do, and even how we found each other.

So just, like, a little snippet- I had, done some TikTok video, and I wasn't even gonna do TikTok because I had heard so much stuff about it, and I was like, "Eh, not for me." And then I get on there, and I'm like, oh, wait, you actually can learn really cool things from people I would have never, ever met in my life because they're- Right

only on this app, you know? So I have this video, and I don't think anything of it, and I get this message from Aubrey, and she's basically like, "I really appreciate your energy, and I can tell, you're living your work, and, can I send you a message?" And normally- Relating ... because I've been in business, because it's May now, 2026, I've been in business for nine years, and when you're in it this long, you see patterns, and for me, it was always people being transactional.

Right, pitchy. It was like... Yeah, pitchy. They're like, "I want to, like, work with you. I want your money. I want your business." And I am completely and totally relational [01:11:00] based. That's why I have Aubrey on the podcast, is because I know her heart. Like, I'm not gonna have people on here that I haven't either worked with or I d- don't have a friendship or a connection with because then it's performative, and I don't want to perform.

I want it to be fun, right? And, like, deep and raw and all this stuff. And so she messaged me, and at first, I was like, "Ugh, what does she want?" Like, not- And I wa- I ... not a crazy lady. Right. But, but I was like, " what does she want from me?" And then I sat with it, and there was, like, this s- there was this thing in my heart, and I was like, "What if I just give it a shot?

And you know what? If it is transactional, it'll just compound and be like, 'See? You knew.'" And it wasn't. I don't even know if I have words to explain the joy it has been getting to learn more about you and, what you stand for and your story. So we started, like, jamming back and forth, and I start hearing about, like, her stuff, and she's sharing what she's learning from me, and I'm like, "Oh my God, you [01:12:00] have the most insane story."

And then I find out that she does, like, branding, and so we are... Now we're, like, working together. So I held, a hypnosis session for her that was so effing vivid and so beautiful and so wise. And I'm like, "I freaking knew it. I knew." Ugh, 'cause your subconscious is amazing.

But then she helped me, candidly, so I have this website. And I have been feeling the itch to redo my website because it doesn't, like, reflect me, but I'm not gonna do it because on this platform you gotta do the work twice, and baby, I'm a Projector.

I don't do double the work. Like, I wanna just do it. Yeah. And so I come across Aubrey's website, and th- we'll speak about this community she's building, but I was like, "Everything is so beautiful. Oh my God." And she was like, "Can I fix something on your website?" And I was like, "Oh, I've never-" "... needed something more in my whole life."

And then the next thing I know she, adds one thing to my website and I'm like, "What? That looks amazing." And then, I swear to you, so she redid my whole landing page, [01:13:00] and I showed my mom because, you know, you gotta tell your mom things if they're around.

And I was like, "Mom, look at what Aubrey did." And her jaw was on the floor, and she's like, "How did she capture your multidimensional nature?" And I was like, "I freaking don't know, but she is a goddess, okay?" And I've been showing everyone in my life. I'm like, "Look at my website," because it looks like me. It's like you captured me in such a way where I feel so seen, Aubrey.

And so I'm just like, I'm, I'm so grateful that I didn't let my ego, kick in to, like, block off this connection because, like, like I said, I feel like we've been friends for a really, really, really long time, but we're actually just, like, newer in the game, you know? Yeah. But I'm like, "Oh, thank God."

Well, that's why I know I'm in alignment, and I can look back, right? We're talking about patterns. I can look back and I can realize that there were definitely times that I was in alignment when I was creating my first business, when, when things were like I don't know what I'm doing, I don't have any business experience, but, like, I'm really h- having fun reaching out to these women and [01:14:00] connecting with women and learning together.

And because I was in that state, in that energetic state, there really was flow and abundance, and it was like everything was clicking. And I remember telling the women, like, "You guys, it gets to be a game. We get to literally create whatever we want," and I remember thinking that. And so it's, interesting because I see that I was, like, at this peak, so to speak, but there was still so much of me buried, right?

And so I'm grateful because the thing that I'm learning about myself is, when you're like- Saying it captures who you are, it helps you feel seen. I'm like, that's what's so interesting is... And I'm getting more confident in this, but when I first jumped on my own and started realizing, okay, I love the product, but I really wanna just work with women and I wanna help them feel seen.

I wanna help them feel empowered. I wanna help to bring some type of structure and a path forward, some type of rhythm for them to really feel like they can express their work because they're so brilliant. Like, how is it that I get to connect with such brilliant [01:15:00] women who have such beautiful gifts? And oftentimes where I would see the disconnect was like they would have this such magic, and then all of a sudden when it came to the structure and the business stuff, it's like there would be this disconnect and they'd be like, "Ugh, I can't go any further," or, "I can't quite get it out there."

And you've done a really great job at that. So it wasn't that you weren't already... I mean, look, I reached out to you because I just felt your energy, right? Alone. On one video. I didn't even finish the video. I saw a video pop up. I gotta tell this story really quickly. I know we're jamming out for a long time.

But I kind of forgot how it even came to be, but I went and looked this morning. This happened in January, okay? So this has been a while, right? And I knew that stepping into... At the end of last year, I had a lot of clarity around, okay, coming into this new year, like you, you have to step into action. You have to start embodying.

You have to just start. You already know enough. You've deconstructed enough. You've been learning enough. Now you gotta just, like, take some action. And so I've known that. So anyway, I was in this space where I'm like, every day I'd [01:16:00] check in and I'd be like, "Okay, guide me. What do I need to do?

What conversations?" I know I'll be guided. I know I'll be guided. Anyway, I was asking for some specific guidance on something particular that I was thinking of bringing to life, and I didn't understand how it would come to be. And I just kept getting these little downloads that was like, "Just start doing it and the answers will keep coming.

Just start doing it." And so that's what I would do. And I was in the shower one day and I was, talking to God, having my moment, and just being like, "Okay," like, "Guide me," whatever. And I got this, this message that was very clear that was, "By the end of today, you're going to have better clarity around what direction you need to head in or what this might need to look like."

And so I was like, "Okay, cool." And then I get out of the shower and I'm getting ready and I, jump on my phone and, and the... Literally I think I scrolled maybe two videos and Ashley's cute face pops up. I'd never seen her before. And she just starts to share this story about abundance. I can't even remember exactly which video it [01:17:00] was.

We should find it, 'cause I would wanna watch it again. But I just remember literally watching her for two seconds and a voice was like, "She's a freq keeper." And I was like, "What does that mean?" What's that mean? But then it just kind of came to me where it was like This isn't performative.

She's living. She is someone who's living- living what she preaches, who's following the frequency, who is at a vibration of just, like, she gets it. I don't know exactly how to articulate it, but it was this moment of she is someone who, like, yeah. This is basically like an archetype of someone who is just living life the way that you...

And in alignment with the type of women that you wanna just do life with, right? I think that's essentially what the message was. And so I remember my heart was, like, pounding because it was very clear to me. It was like, "You need to just reach out to her. Cold DM her and literally be like, 'I know I look crazy, but I think we need to [01:18:00] talk.'"

Was something like that. Yeah. "Can you please talk to me?" Like a psychopath. But it was one of those things where it's like I couldn't argue, and I had promised myself that I wasn't gonna argue when, those deep intuition that, like, "No, this isn't me 'cause I don't know you. I've never seen you before.

This isn't fun. You look like a crazy person." So I'm not gonna make that up. I don't wanna do that. So I just had to lean in and trust, and I had had enough happen in my life to when I have done that, even in my old business, when I would visualize, like, what does this person look like? For instance, if I'm, looking for another person for my team, it was like I started to train myself, right?

What do they look like? What kind of personality do they have? What are they into? And I would visualize it, right? So this time it wasn't like that. It was just, I know I'll know. I'll know I'll know when I know. And that's all it was. And so yeah, I reached out to Ashley, and I look back on my energy at that time, and it was very much so [01:19:00] I had just kind of, like, had a lot of clarity around my gifts were really coming online big, big time for me.

And I didn't realize at the time what it was. And so when you're saying like, " How did she capture... How does it feel like you," I'm like, I'm realizing that as I'm working with women now, 'cause now I've really branched into helping women to develop their personal brand, whether that is through aesthetics or a website or, you know, visuals for their social media, or it might just be messaging or structure for their offers.

Whatever it might be, it's just like, can we use our skills together to co-create something where you really can shine and not have to worry about all of the details maybe that, that block you from, really just putting yourself out there and staying in the flow of your own zone of genius.

And so anyway, I realized through working with more women and their branding and in... I was looking at, um, astrology more because suddenly once I gave myself permission to lean into my intuition, it was like, "Okay, girl. [01:20:00] Now that you're listening to your intuition, let's, let's finally be curious about all the things that you've been drawn to forever, right?

That you've been hiding under the covers looking at your whole life. Let's just, like, own it. If you're into astrology, just own it. And so after I'd been diving into astrology in secret for years,

I'm like, "I'm gonna do my own business where I help women with their personal branding." And at the time, I was like, "I'm just gonna make pretty websites for people. That'll be so fun. I'll be a web designer." And I realized that it was so much deeper than just the websites. It was like we were getting deep.

I was learning about branding and astrology. And so then I was like, "Oh, well what if I applied astrology to my branding? What would happen?" And it was something as simple as, like, my messaging, aligning my messaging with, like, cer- certain placements where I'm like, "Oh, I can lean into that because that's what the energy is asking of me.

I don't have to be ashamed of it. I don't have to hide that part. Oh, actually, there are parts in my chart that say if you lean into that part more, your voice will be amplified." And so I was, like, almost kind of [01:21:00] testing it out in theory, like, well, what would happen? Because my business has kind of crumbled.

I can't show up that way anymore. I'm pivoting this way, right? I feel called to pivot. I feel called to work with women and their brands more directly. And so I was like, "Let's just try it out." And so I started trying to apply my own astrology and branding to just, like, this emergence of my own pivot in my brand.

And what I realized was, like, whoa, it was working. I was starting to show up differently online than I ever had before, and although it wasn't this massive virality that I was getting prior, right? Where I would post something like, "Hey, guys, buy this set of oils," and I'd get, 30 people purchasing a $300 kit.

You know, it went from that to I'd post and it'd be like crickets, right? And so it was very much disorienting for a while, but then I'm like, "Okay, well, that's because I'm still trying to show up in a certain way after my identity shift. I'm still trying to be like, 'Okay, I've learned a lot, and I'm totally different.

All right. Let me see. How can I show up as this other new polished version of [01:22:00] me?'" And that's where it was, like, this big disconnect. And so I realized, oh, if I can maybe tweak some things and go deeper and, and make this little edit and this little edit, what will happen? And I just started getting a lot of- The right type of aligned clients, and the people that were...

It was like a different type of stream of abundance, right? It was more intentional. It was just deeper work. And I was like, "Oh, there's more here. There's more here." And so as I was working with clients, I'm realizing more and more, especially this last year, every single time I've had a, a brand client or whatever, it's like we're barely scratching the surface.

Because at the time that we start working together, they're in these big moments where their lives have shifted, their businesses have shifted. Maybe they've changed and evolved, and so it's like they need a different structure to hold this expansion, right? Or different visuals to really articulate and express.

So it kind of just depends, but it was deeper work, right? We're looking at their birth chart. We're looking at transits. We're looking at, oh, that's why you are [01:23:00] feeling called to do this. Like, why don't we create an offer around this right now because it's so expansive. So it's, it's incredible because

It just feels like really intentional, really, like, beautiful co-creation. I couldn't be more thrilled. And essentially, it's like how can we hook up and co-create and just bring your brand and business to life, basically? So it's like anything from systems, messaging, visuals, really.

So, like, with you, when you would show up on your TikTok or when you would show up on a video, I could see...

It sounds crazy, but I could, like, see your aura. I could see your energy. And so when I would go, and then when I see that and I feel it and I'm like, "Oh, wow." And every time I'm having these interactions with you I'm like, "She's so, like, so much beauty." And I'm like, and I love your... Your website was great, and it obviously did what it needed to do.

But I'm like, but she's so magical though. Like, can I sprinkle a little bit of more magic in there? And so when you were like, "Oh, I feel seen," I'm [01:24:00] like, good, because I, I see you with just so much, like, so much vibe and aura and magic and beauty and all the, all of it. And so you're so generous too with your compliments because, um, I feel like I barely made small little tweaks just for fun.

You know? Girl, what? It's like- It's crazy what a little sparkle will do, right? I'm like... I think also not only that, but what's been really interesting is as I show people my website, it's one thing to be like, Aubrey is amazing at what she does, but to show them. And then I'm like, she literally works with your astrology chart because your astrology chart is so unique.

Like, there won't be another person with your exact astrology chart for millions of years. Right. If that doesn't make you feel like- There is untapped divine cosmic potential just that I can start weaving into myself and my energy to be received in that way, I think is such a big deal. Just even, like you're saying, awareness of oh, how my essence and my aura is [01:25:00] perceived.

Like, I can show up with more confidence in this, right? Right? Yeah. 'Cause some of my clients, I'm like, "Oh, your MC is a, is a Scorpio. Like, your audience wants to see you go really deep on certain topics", but they're, like, thinking that they need to stay light and on the surface, right? And I'm like, "No, no, no.

If you go deeper on, more of the taboo topics or whatever, just see what happens." And they'll test it out and they'll be like, "Wait. Okay, Aubrey. I was really scared, but you know, I get it." And it's really cool, too, when you work with the women who they get it.

Like, some people are like, "Well, I don't understand. Like, my website, who cares?" As long as it functions and as long as it gets people where they need to go, that's fine. And some people view it that way. For me, that's just never how it's been. I'm like, it is an extension of my work, right? It is an extension of what it is that I do, and I need it to articulate that.

And so that's why I would spend months refining things and, and then I finally was like, girl, it's because I also am very multidimensional and I'm like, I want to be creating, and I didn't wanna be stuck in one, set design. So I was like, oh, this is how I'm gonna scratch [01:26:00] that itch. I'm like, I'm gonna design for this, and I'm gonna design for that, and I don't...

I can kinda get that out of my system because I was realizing I was, like, refining my own stuff a million times. And it's like, oh, that's because you want to be in creation. You want to be helping others to really fine-tune what it is- Mm ... that they're supposed to share, right? And so it's all that. It's learning.

And I only discovered that because I have a lot of Virgo in my chart, where before I think I blocked myself off from that. And I'd be like, "No, I'm not the organizer one." And it's not about that. It's that you like to bring structure and meaning to something. It's not just that you're organized and detailed.

Yes, it's that, but you know, it's like I need it to have meaning for people. I want them to feel confident in the work that they're stepping into. I want them to feel so excited to express their magic because they know that, like, they're supported with their visuals and their messaging, and they have at least a plan, right?

So that's been really fulfilling for me. And as I've been tapping into that and I'm working with very specific set of women where [01:27:00] honestly, it's just one, they get that, they understand that, they respect that, and they want that for their own business, but two, they've been on a similar journey, right?

Where it's like, oh yeah, I'm evolving, I'm changing, I'm realizing, I wanna share more of me or I wanna maybe pivot in this direction. And so as I'm working with those women, oftentimes what I was discovering is the shifting and the changing and the identity, evolution, it's a very isolating place, right?

And it's, it's a place where- While I was sitting in the middle of my goo phase, my cocoon, you're so in the thick of it that I'm just like, "Nobody's gonna understand what I'm going through. No one could ever understand." And I would look at my story, right? Like you hear stories and you're so good at pulling the thread and the shared wisdom that anyone can extract from these stories, which I, I love so much.

But ... 'Cause when I listen to your podcast I'm like, "Oh, what?" I was like, "That's happened to me. Oh, what, what? I totally get that." So I'm like, as I'm k- kind of maybe having a pity party for myself when I'm [01:28:00] like, "Well, yes, it's isolating because nobody could possibly understand. Nobody will ever understand what I'm going through," on one hand, sure, maybe the exact experience nobody's gonna have.

Like it's a pretty unique experience. But the feelings, the lessons, the, feeling as though you are literally dead and don't know how you're gonna survive, that feeling is something that many people can relate to. Many people can relate to the feeling of disconnecting from their own inner authority for years and having to kinda navigate what it looks like to discover what that is again, or for the first time ever, right?

Or maybe there are other people who can deal with the understanding and the processing of what it means to make choices that do have an effect, but still know at the core of what it was that it was the right choice for you, whether that's me not being able to keep up with the position that I was with my work, right?

Knowing that I understand that this is really hard on our family, and it's [01:29:00] stressful, and that means my husband's going back to work, and that means that, we might not be able to go on all these family vacations for a while. And so the shame that comes with that, right? And I'm not the only mother, I'm sure, or woman, or person who's had to deal with those kinds of things and saying, "I'm so sorry that it's affecting you, but like I cannot ignore what I need anymore.

Otherwise, I won't survive anymore. And I won't be a good mom, and I won't be a good wife, and I won't be a good friend, and I won't be honestly taking advantage of the things that I'm here to do and learn if I'm not first in alignment with myself." And so the biggest lesson throughout all of this has just been connecting myself back to my own alignment and my own direct alignment with source, with God, with my intuition, discernment, and trusting myself first and foremost.

Like for the first time ever really, like I'm learning to finally trust myself. And yeah, I'm [01:30:00] 42, and I'm learning how to finally trust myself, and it feels good, and it's working. And in addition to doing branding and design and helping women with their business structures and systems, it became deeper and I was like, I feel like I'm meant to create a space where women can even just come and learn from each other. Because when I was going through all of this, all my identity shifts and deconstructing or, learning about my body and how different things were changing when I was awakening, and so my body was even changing.

I was like, "What is happening?" I was losing weight and I wasn't doing anything but just clearing out emotions. And you know, I was, doing womb healing and then I was working with plant medicine and I was being called to do all of these things, and I didn't really have anyone to talk to other than tiny snippets of the women that I felt called to reach out to.

So I would feel called to reach out to someone when it came to, plant medicine, or I'd feel called to reach out to someone about, hormonal stuff and, syncing my body and my nervous system. I would feel called to learn more about heart healing. So I would start to be [01:31:00] called to reach out to certain people, but they were little pockets everywhere, right?

And so then all of a sudden I was like, "Oh, I'm having the most incredible conversations in these, private memos or private texts or private, like..." Where we would be sending mini podcasts back to each other. And I'm like, oh my gosh, Can you imagine if, a woman going through what we're going through could even just hear our conversation right now?

Can you imagine, how empowering or how, healing that would be? And so suddenly I was like, wait. I'm like, maybe we can create a space where women can just take a peek of, like, I don't necessarily have to come in and be like, "All right, guys, here's my story. Here's all my whole life." But if you could just be like, "Let me peek behind the curtain of what it might look like to be held in a community where, we're all becoming and discovering ourselves," and it is safe.

And if you're angry and you're processing things, that is safe. And if you are like, I've had my awakening, and now I'm just, like, ready to find my tribe, my people. It doesn't matter.

I would see comments all the time on these threads and things where it's like, " Oh, I wish I had a special chat group for this." And I'm like, [01:32:00] "Yeah." Because again, I was trying all these little pockets of women and circles, and they were beautiful.

I was in this little group, and I tried to do this little women's circle, and again, amazing. But there were still pieces that were missing for my soul, and it's obviously because there were still parts of my journey that weren't being touched on in these spaces. Because a lot of times it was very niched down.

Oh, this space is for hormone health and, this space is for, women who take this ascension course, and this group. And so I was just like, "But where are the people who are just, like, doing life and just need a safe place to land while we're becoming, while we're tuning into our own sovereign alignment and knowing that we don't have to do it alone?"

And it's just been in those conversations that have been so healing. And so that honestly was what... I didn't know what it was, but I definitely feel like I was called to create some type of container, some type of space, some type of frequency, a field where women could just become and not perform, and not feel like they have to learn a specific [01:33:00] way or resonate with everything, but that they could come and find pockets of wisdom, where they could find little nuggets in a conversation that lit their soul on fire that are like, "Oh, wait.

Me too." And so that container was built before I even realized what it was. I thought I was creating a space where I could just come and practice being vulnerable and authentic and me, and really it was, like, so much more. It's for other women who are looking to do the same. And I'm so excited. To see, like, the conversations that are unfolding now, and the women that are like, "Wait. Me too. Wait. Oh my gosh, I had this experience. I'd never met anyone that has gone through this before."

And they're learning from each other. And it's not, performative. There's no hierarchy. It's just like, "Hey, this has helped me. Let's walk it together. Take what serves." And I felt so strongly when I first saw Ashley on my TikTok feed, my For You page. I didn't know... I don't even know if there was an actual fully formed space yet, but that download came to [01:34:00] me that like, she's a freq keeper.

She's holding the frequency for those that are searching. She's doing the work. She is medicine. Her work is medicine. I was like, "I don't know her, but I need her energy for these women because-" And it's wild to even see the synchronicities keep unfolding, where I'm like, I didn't even know, I didn't even know what you did.

And now that we've even had a few different interactions, I've done hypnosis with you now. Everything that you have co- h- every portal, every avenue, everything you've said, uh, your podca- all of it, I'm like, "Mm, okay, I couldn't have, I couldn't have scripted or strategized that any better."

And so that's again where I'm like, "Confirmation. I can trust myself. Confirmation." We can trust ourselves, right? Like, we can, and the most perfect opportunities and people will come into our lives. And sometimes it's timing, and that's okay. And it's just cool because this has now been unfolding for us for a few months.

We didn't dive in. We weren't like, "Tell me all the [01:35:00] things. I need to know everything about you. I don't know if I can commit." It was like, we're gonna test it and we're gonna lead with energy. We're gonna follow the frequency, right? We're just gonna see what happens. And the most beautiful things have been happening, and I feel so privileged that, Ashley has decided to, link arms and come share some of her wisdom with this community that I felt really called to create.

It's called Sovereign Alignment Frequencies, and it's just basically, how can we learn to tune back into our own alignment? Because it's such a personal journey, and one that we have to anchor into. But we don't have to walk the entire process all alone, right? And we can extract wisdom from others who are walking a similar path.

And so I'm just so honored that she has agreed to, share some of this, this wisdom with the group and pour in... I mean, I geek out every time Ashley has a new post up. I'm like, "Pause. I gotta go read what she has to say." 'Cause it's so inspiring and empowering, and so relevant for what so many of us are going through.

And then to [01:36:00] read the comments and to see the people being like, "Wait. Yes." It's just, it lights me up so much. I could just get stuck in that portal all day long if I would allow myself. But anyway. Thank you. You are s- God, you are a goddess, okay? Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And I think what's really cool about Sovereign Alignment Frequencies is, like, it is this container for your remembering, your becoming.

And so, Aubrey is teaching from her wisdom, and she's sharing astrology stuff that can help you on your journey. And I'm teaching about heart coherence and nervous system regulation and, like, abundance, and whatever else is flowing through. She has other freq keepers or frequency keepers who live in alignment with their work, and they're sharing their medicine.

And so what I appreciate is it's a circle. Mm-hmm. It's a circle of connection and community and magic. And it's so interesting because you were in the pyramid, of that business you were in before. And when you were like, "I can't do this," obviously, right? Because you were the one holding it.

But when it's a [01:37:00] circle, that's how we're meant to be, is to receive and share with each other. Well, and with women, I'm like, it is kind of a sad... I, I see it now, 'cause it was framed as like it is empowering, right? Like, we're empowering each other. But really, I saw firsthand how competitive it got, right?

And, women that were, lifelong besties don't even talk anymore because of things that happened and, and it's just the structure's built that way unfortunately. And, and it can be beautiful, and I'm so grateful for it, but yes, you're right. So when I was like, "Oh, well, I don't wanna do that again," like, I don't wanna be in charge of, like, a, a, a group, but the- it's so, it's not that.

And you're right, and I love that you speak to that because that's one thing that I feel like I'm having to retrain some people, where I'm like, "But I promise, there's no hierarchy." It is... This is just, I felt called to create a space. That's it. And besides that, if you wanna come and pour your wisdom when it comes to, yeah, like somatic healing, womb healing, Christ consciousness, [01:38:00] Mary Magdalene, plant medicine, heart coherence, astrology, gene keys, whatever, all these things where I'm like, I was excited and passionate about, but I was, like, having to find a little bit here and find a little bit here.

And yes, that's great. Let's, like, expand our knowledge and learn from all the sources, but where can we go to then learn about it and then have all the deep conversations, right? Like, oh my gosh, you guys, I read this. I don't know how I feel about it, but, like, it kinda got me curious. What do you guys think?

Have you guys ever heard of it? Like, where can we have those conversations? 'Cause I couldn't have them with the ladies in my neighborhood that were you know, from my church. They'd be like, "Oh, no, we need another intervention for Aubrey." So, you know, so I just was like, I need those spaces because part of w- the way that I process things and the way that I feel like, some of my medicine works through me is in the speaking and is in the communicating and is in, like, you know, you speak to...

You're such a writer, and obviously your voice, your podcast, this is your medicine, right? And so for so many women, they have [01:39:00] so much wisdom and nowhere to share it because they haven't yet, truly tapped into that confidence as far as in their most aligned identity. And that's okay because it's such a process for everyone.

And I just want them to know that, like, there is no rush because it has been a lifelong journey for me. But if I were to have had at least a space where I didn't feel like I had to hide or that I didn't have to quiet myself or dim myself or keep searching, like kinda be sort of in with one foot and out with the other because there's still, like I maybe can find more acceptance over here or maybe I can find more love over here.

Um, I don't know. I guess that's my intention is just to really create a space where people can feel like they can breathe, that they can feel like they actually are safe. I love that, sovereign alignment frequencies can kinda be like safe circle because it really is just like this place for women to come and come home to self, right?

And I want that to be something where they do feel seen. And when I was doing this [01:40:00] massive business, it was like, I got stuck in the performing of it all where I kind of lost touch with oh, it's still about women and their journey to becoming. And so to be able to almost have the opportunity to do it again but to do it in a way where the foundation is really solid and the home is prepared, the rooms are prepared and I will meet you when you're ready- Like that feels really good to me because I'm having beautiful conversations with women in that group, even in private.

But at least they know, hey, they have somewhere to go, right? So thank you for even, being willing to be like, "I don't really know what this is yet either, but, like, let's do it."

Ashley Mondor: So thank you ... this is everything to me. And this conversation is filled with so much wisdom. Like, I know that you're like, "We could talk all day, da, da, da."

But it's like you gotta understand the metaphors you wove in, the living experience you have of learning surrender, learning how to live with uncertainty, learning how to trust the flow of your life, your sovereignty, your intuition, all those things that have been [01:41:00] literally programmed out of you in a way where you had to walk the journey with embodiment is incredible.

So I wanna say, Aubrey, thank you for reaching out to me and following your heart to me, and using that courage to fuel you beyond what your ego is trying to tell you. Thank you for being willing to share so vulnerably and openheartedly and beautifully what you have walked through because I know women are gonna see themselves in certain parts of your story.

I just know it because I see parts of myself in there. And so thank you, thank you, thank you. And if you are curious, again, um, Sovereign Alignment Frequencies, you are going to have teachings in there that are going to land for you, and some may not. Or maybe you're just meant to, receive something here or a conversation here or whatever it is.

But no matter what, like she said, it's a safe circle, and we're all in this together at the end of the day. And that's what I find to be so beautiful. So Aubrey, thank you for sharing your wisdom and your magic with us today. I'm so grateful, and I love [01:42:00] you.

I love you. Thank you, Ashley. I love you. Okay. Okay. Talk to you. Talk to you soon.