When Our Hearts Are Heavy | A Virtual Pilgrimage of Incarnation Reflections for Advent - Week 3

Paula reflects on grief during Advent, encouraging those who mourn to honor their limits, be gentle with themselves, and trust that God meets them tenderly as they wait and take heart.

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Transcript

Advent blessings to you.

This is a piece from the Taizé community: “Wait for the Lord, whose day is near. Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Take heart.” We are waiting for the Lord in this Advent season. The song also says, “Be strong. Take heart.” Sometimes that is so difficult to do when you are in the midst of grieving, or when you have suffered a loss, or are in pain of some kind.

It’s difficult to be strong. When my husband passed, I remember it being such a busy, busy time. There were so many tasks to accomplish — planning the memorial service, sending out thank-you cards, and then going through piles of paperwork, trying to find bank accounts and insurance policies, because they weren’t where I thought they would be. It was a lot of hunting and figuring things out. There were meetings with a lawyer. It felt like such a busy, busy time.

When Rory — the man I had been dating for four years — got sick, I remember being angry with God. How could this happen to two men I loved? How could this happen, both around the same age? My scream of why was really, Are you kidding me? This can’t be happening. I wrestled and struggled with God during his illness.

In this time of lights and joy and holiday frenzy, tasks can be especially difficult for those of us who grieve. I remember that Christmas when Rory got sick. I struggled with whether or not to decorate my house and put up a tree. It felt like a monumental task. Decorating used to be something I looked forward to, but that year it held no joy for me. So I chose to honor that feeling and not put up a tree or decorations.

I didn’t send Christmas cards that year — and I still don’t to this day. However, I have begun to put up a tree again and decorate my house. The circle of friends I chose to communicate with during that time became very small. I let in only a few people — certainly my immediate family, and a small number of friends. I didn’t have the energy for much else.

I would text people now and then, but I didn’t have the energy for full conversations. I had to honor that, too. Holiday gatherings and events with large groups of people gave me a lot of anxiety, so I didn’t go out much.

I was invited to a wedding the following summer, and all I could manage was staying for the service and the meal. I left right after dinner and didn’t stay for the dancing.

So what I would suggest is this: honor the feelings you have. Honor what you can and cannot do — because it’s perfectly okay. It’s perfectly normal. Be gentle with yourself.

Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Take heart.

Praying for you this Advent season.

God bless you.