Surviving Divorce - The Power of Travel

This week I talk through what I did in the month of May 2022, going to London, seeing Tom Cruise, travelling to Milan to see James Blunt, then going to a music festival all on my own.

Transcript

I decided that I needed to go and spend some time with my friends in May.  The thing about living on a farm in remote Ayrshire is that you don’t really see anyone, you spend all your time working on the property and you lose all your friends.  I was involved in the riding club committee but my soon to be ex husband encouraged me to give it up as he thought it was too much, but I should have continued to do it as I lost contact with people and the important socialisation aspect that you need to have in your life.  

When I was living in Cheshire I kept my horse on a yard with 22 other people, the yard was awesome, everyone got on really well and we had a great social life, we held BBQ’s there and went out for meals and went to events on the horses.  It was a great life and looking back it was the happiest time of my life to date.  Then the equestrian property that had been rented for three generations was wanted back by the estate and we all had about 6 weeks to find somewhere else.  We moved our horses to the yard of the sister of the yard manager, but it wasn’t the same, the roads were really busy there and we had been used to having a 350 acre cross country course to ride through.  We moved to a couple of other yards then my husband and I were made redundant within 6 months of each other, a really tough time and the reason we ended up in Ayrshire.  

I enjoyed keeping the horses at home, its great to be in control of everything, but my husband stopped riding so I had no one to ride with which was the whole point of moving there.  In hindsight maybe I should have, moved the horses to a local yard in Ayrshire with another cross country course run by a very eccentric lady called Mugs, I think that would have worked better, but with the benefit of hindsight we could all make different choices and different decisions.  

I have lost touch with most of my old horsey friends, they have moved on so I find myself back in Chester not really knowing anyone apart from my best friend Caroline who is isn’t very well and doesn’t want to go anywhere.  She has never been great at being ill, when we were at College she had something wrong with her toe and refused to go out or complained about how much it hurt when she did go out!  When I was still living with my parents, I used to have loads of groups of different friends, I even went over to Derby on occasion and went out with my Uncle Pete and his friends, he still sees some of them, so I sent the obligatory my parents are driving me mad and I come over to yours and catch up with a few people.  He has a long term partner, she was part of the group of friends, they have been together for over 20 years but still live in their own houses which seems to work for them.  I drove over to Derby on Friday afternoon Uncle Pete is retired, he used to work in the Derby parks department and he started up a hydrangea collection there with is now a National Collection based in Darley park.  Uncle Pete is my hero, he does want he wants and if he doesn’t want to do something he wont do it. He was a hippy and spent most of his teenage and twenties going to see bands all over the place, going scuba diving and driving around in a series 3 Landrover.  He has done Glastonbury eighteen years on the run, two as a punter and the rest volunteering for the red cross, so he could get in for free and had access to decent showers!  He understands the importance of nature and fungi, he also recycles and is very environmentally conscious.  

We picked up Lyn, got pizza from their favourite pizza shop and then went to his local for a few beers and met up with an old friend Ian, it was great to catch up with Ian and we spent the evening chatting about the bands that they had all seen at festivals and stories about how great those days were.  He told us a great story about the sound guy at a pub in Derby with has always had live bands called the Flowerpot and how the guy was deaf and the music was always too loud. My uncle Pete always used to take ear plugs with him.  This is how long these guys have known each other, they were not always close friends but they have been in the same pubs and clubs throughout their lives and when Uncle Pete got divorced he got chatting to Ian and formed a close group of friends. Derby is that kind of place.  

On Saturday we went for a walk in Darley Park then had lunch at the little café in the park.  We then met up with Maggie the punk ex schoolteacher and her husband Paul.  Maggie reminded me what a nightmare I was going out and how I always wanted to stay out and would cry late bar late bar and drag all of them, or at least Ian there anyhow and sing loudly to Rage against Machine F**k You I won’t do as you tell me, Ian used to be a punk.  I wonder what happened to that girl, she disappeared for a while but slowly she is coming back with her crazy ways and her infectious laugher and her ability to smile at everything and make fun of herself.  Those were such great times, filled with fun and laughter, no responsibility, I was still living at home and it was these guys who encouraged me to buy my first home at little 2 bedroom maisonette in Minera, 38 Aldergrove Place.  I did the decoration work and renovation work myself, it was my first attempt at putting in laminate flooring, it was not a great job and I got a bit cross with it, chucked stuff about a bit, I was a bit more angry in those days. I moved in February 2002, having met my soon to be ex husband on 26th January that year.  It was great having your own space, there wasn’t much happening in the small village I was living in, it was peaceful on the edge of the countryside and it was great to have my own little space.  I remember painting the kitchen a yellow colour, the living room had a cream leather M&S sofa with one terracotta feature wall, I had a pine TV unit with a little television on it, the bedroom had a black frame bed, orange walls and deep red bed linen and curtains.  The bathroom was grey with a bath and no blind in the window but there was only a car park behind, so I didn’t think it needed one.  I loved living there on my own and it was one of the best years, I hadn’t over stretched myself financially, I still had money to go out and enjoy myself, visit my friends, in Derby and go out with friends in Nantwich.  

Back to Derby we ended up in a pub called The Golden Eagle it’s a locals pub, but I was made to feel welcome the moment I arrived, the barman through I was related to Maggie as its their local.  It had quite a few your students in it, many of who knew Maggie as she had been their teacher.  The Golden Eagle has live bands on some nights, they squeeze themselves into the space underneath the stairs, there was a paper with all the live gigs coming up, it was a nice pub with a nice vibe in it.  On the Sunday I rushed back to Chester for a shower and change as I had tickets to see Brett Eldredge a Country singer in Manchester.  One thing I noticed after spending time with my friends was that it had affected my confidence.  I chatted this through with my personal trainer during my first session and he wondered if it was because I felt uncomfortable because I was envious of their situation.  I have thought about that alot and I don’t think that is the case.  I think it is because when I am with a group of people, I let them do the talking and sat quite happily listening to them.  I was not always like that, I would be the one laughing and joking and making conversation. I have lost that skill, I have been working on it.  I am now back to falling out with Mother all of the time, which is a good thing as it shows that I am getting back to my old self and I am ready to move out again.  I don’t want to buy a house though and just live in it, I did that before and it was the wrong pathway for me, I am going to roam about a bit until I find my way to where home is. 

I did not feel confident as I drove to Manchester, I found a car park near to where I had parked for the other concerts, familiar is comforting. Now I am ok with just getting in a car and driving somewhere it doesn’t matter if I haven’t been there before, its just a road and another place to be for a while.  I had no idea what to expect and I had no idea just how popular country music was over here, the place was packed, a few people looked a bit worried and were wearing masks but by the end of the night everyone was relaxed and seemed to have remembered how to start enjoying life again.  I went the whole hog and bought a pint of Pepsi max.  I loved the gig Country music has a positive vibe to it, I was singing along and I could feel myself starting to enjoy life again.

This Monday was Paul Heaton’s 60th Birthday and to celebrate he had chosen a few pubs and to leave money behind the bar at these pubs so people could have a drink on him.  I headed over to the nearest pub, being a dan of Beautiful South, though I have not had chance to see them live.  The Coachmakers arms was close to The Victoria Hall the music venue in Stoke, where I have seen James Morrison.  It was a working mans pub and filled with regulars, I put on my brave pants, went in and ordered my diet coke and started chatting to the locals about music and things that they had seen there.  I was told about how the Victorian Hall had been extended to accommodate large stage sets and artics arriving at the back it was nice to sitt chatting with people who had all been there to see someone at one time or another.

On Wednesday 18th May I got a train to London after work and I stayed at my cousins house in the same road where Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once stayed.  My cousin is great he just says yes you can stay but there is still no food.  The shop is a short walk across the park that is behind his house. I wanted to see Tom Cruise appear for the premier of Top Gun.  I was booked on a 6.35am flight to from Manchester on 20th May as I had tickets to see James Blunt in Milan.  So I had all my stuff packed for my Milan trip.  I headed into London on the 19th I went to Trafalgar Square to see Nelson’s Column, the headed into Waterstones to buy a book.

There was a shop assistant tidying the shelves 

“Can you recommend a book by a new author” I asked

“We are promoting this book, its book of the month, it’s about mental health” 

She held up the book, I liked the cover it was called Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason, I bought it. 

I had previously spent eighteen years in the book production and publishing industry and I really enjoyed my work in it, only leaving after being made redundant when the company got into financial difficulties after Past Times went under, but my interest in the industry remains.

“How re book sales” I enquired, sales had been declining in recent years.

“They are picking up and doing well” She replied

“That’s great news” I went onto explain my previous industry experience.

“Have sales been affected by the Pandemic?” 

“A little but not as much as other brands.  I used to work as a buyer and the high end brands have not suffered at all as everyone has been having lockdown parties and selling goods.”  Another instance of how the elite have been spending their money and keeping busy I thought, highlighting the substantial gap between the rich and the poor. Remembering my time working in test and protect and speaking to the man on Christmas Eve who lived as his Mothers carer who had caught COVID, and his mother who was dying of cancer and dealing with the reality that he will probably have given his mother COVID and that she would not likely survive and he would have to live with that yet he was still keen to assist with the contact tracing to prevent the spread of the virus. The pain and hurt in his voice, will never leave me.

She wished me a good day and I went upstairs to the bright café to enjoy my free drink, I went fo a Cappachino my third one this year, having weaned myself off caffeine completely. If you are in London and are looking for a new author this Waterstones has a large shelf dedicated to new authors and there is a write up review of some of the books to help you choose.

I didn’t have a take, I was a size 16 and the start of this journey, now down to a size 14, although the dress I am currently wearing is a size 12. Being of the enhanced chested variety, it is a challenge getting dresses to fit the top half without looking complete stupid, although I think I might to be onto a winner with the White Stuff brand.

I finished my coffee around 12pm and headed outside, I heard a band like noise and headed in the direction of the noise and ended up at Horsegaurds, where my old Farrier Steve Newman and his former Captain James Blunt were stationed at one time.  I was excited to see that there was a military parade about to start, I took a clip of them for my Instagram account.  A nice grey horse caught my attention and I thought of my pony Merlin, hoping he was ok, but not wanting to ask in case he wasn’t.

I was still listening to Virgin Radio but mainly to Chris Evans, for 3.5 hours, in the morning and Jayne Middlemiss at the weekends 6am – 12.30pm and the occasional in between and I have them on all day when I am working, it helps me focus with my headphones on.  I really like Eddie Temple Morris and his positive good news stories and at 1pm Tim Cocker comes on with his northern whit.  If you feel alone, I recommend listening to them as they are a constant in your life and you reply on hearing their voices everyday, they are positive and funny, and the music is really positive which is really helpful if you are in a bad place and your mood is low.  

I remember seeing Gabby Roslin who is on in the afternoons, in Chicago in London in October 2002, when my husband and I were dating.  He was still living in Glasgow with his parents, and I was living in North Wales on my own.  Its my birthday on the 26th October so I we had tickets to go down at the end of October at the weekend, it was Battersea Bonfire night display as well, which was unexpected to we went to see that as well, it was October 30th, we came home the next day on October 31st.  

After watching the military display I headed to Leicester Square where the premier of Top Gun Maverick was due to take place.  Tom Cruse was due as were the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  I waited with some hard core film buffs, who had been at a few premiers before this. My train was booked for 9pm from Euston to Manchester, so I decided that I would wait until 8pm, it was a really nice day to be stood out in the sunshine.  I had booked a hotel near Manchester to park my car in, I needed to pick my car up from Crewe station and drive the 50 mins to Manchester, straight to the hotel, where I would need to be up at 4am to get my early flight.

The film premier guests started arriving and it was nice to see the people and dresses on the red carpet.  I an not really up to date on who is who in the celebrity world, its never really been something that I have been interested in but I did recognise Anton De Beck and Rachel with her sone Tom from the Virgin Breakfast show.  When you see premier photo’s, everyone looks really glamours, but when you see stars in real life, they look normal and if I am honest a bit pale and tired.  Some really did not look happy to be there and a couple looked a bit thin rather than healthy.  I could always see through the celebrity world and being famous, it is never something that appealed to me at all, drug fuelled parties where never really my thing, I was more at home in my skinny jeans on my horse, shovelling some kind of horse substance.  I liked to party when I was young and people would see me having a good time and say

“I will have what she is having” to which I would reply 

“I am high on life can’t you tell”

I am a good way back to being that person, I know I will never be exactly the same, but the new me is more positive, has a sense of fun, is happy to go off on my own to do things, I just need to work on my sense of humour.  I really used to enjoy making people laugh and I was known for my sense of humour, which is still lacking.

Tom Cruise arrived, he is a happy smiley person, and he was running around the place with seemingly endless energy, like a child who had maybe had one too many e numbers.  From outside appearance he looked like the kind of guy who was loving life, but its sometimes hard to see through people’s masks to who they really are.  I am not like that, what you see is what you get, I can’t pretend to be happy if I am not.  The royal couple arrived at 8pm I caught a glimpse of them then as it was 8pm I headed off to Euston, caught my train, picked up my car and found myself in bed at the Holiday Inn by Manchester airport at midnight.  I set my alarm for 4am and sank deeply into the comfy mattress and dozed off.  As it happens, I woke up just before my alarm, had a shower, grabbed some continental breakfast on the way out at 4.30am at this hotel.  I did begrudgingly have to pay £10 to park my car in the hotel car park for 5 hours.  Because of my new healthy eating regime, exercise and all the water I am drinking I was finding that I had a lot more energy, so I didn’t feel tired at all.  

I flew to Milan with Ryan Air, a straightforward flight on arrival I was at a notice board trying to locate the train station, when a nice lady approached me and asked me.

“Do you know what coach it is?”

“I was going to get the train” I replied.

“But there is a rail strike” she informed me.

“Oh in that case it looks like I will be getting the bus then” I said with a smile.

A few years ago, something like that would have sent me into a bit of a meltdown, now, I just looked to see where I got the bus from.  I took a photo of the bust stop number and set off to find it with the couple who had told me about the train strike.  They were outside and there was a bus waiting with one space left on it, we had to wear face masks on it.  I had no idea where it was taking me in Milan, but I would work it out when I got there.  We arrived near the main station, normally I would have found the tube or just walked, but I was tired and it was very hot so I did something that will come as a shock to people who know me, I got a taxi to the hotel as king “Quanta costa” as I showed him this address, and he quoted EUR 12, which was fine.  

The receptionist at hotel 38, spoke excellent English, and it was the best tourist guide sales information that I had been given so far, she gave me a map, circled where I should go and where not to go.  The old part of the town would be closed for an event, so I decided to go there today.  The room was very nice and it was the first I had stayed in that had a balcony, although the mattress was a tad hard for my liking, the room did have a fridge though and the lady had told me where the supermarket was, so I headed off to get some water as it was very hot outside and its important to keep hydrated.  I always find that I don’t eat as much when its sunny and warm, if its grey and cloudy I want to comfort eat.  My soon to be ex husband had always told me I hated the heat and maybe I did once, but not now, I love the heat, I love feeling hot and warm.  If it is cold grey and cloudy I am very grumpy and this time travelling I have gained a greater understanding of myself and being warm in the sunshine is fundamental to my happiness and wellbeing.  

I headed off to the old part of the town, I went through a magnificent old castle, filled with an array of different tourists, different clothing, different colours, all mingling as one looking at the historical site.  There was an amazing fountain at the entrance to the castle and it was that hot I really wanted to jump into it.  I came across a stage and a local radio station had put it up in the town centre, a similar idea to the Virgin Radio Big Thank you tour, artists were singing in Italian I did a bit of a dance in the street with the younger crowd and then sat on a step in the sunshine I was really enjoying sitting there enjoying the music when an Italian man asked me if I had a light.  

“No” I replied

“Ahh you are English”

“Congratulations do you want a medal” I thought before replying “Yes I am”

He then sat down next to me, rather too close for comfort, invading my personal space, looking at my legs.  Making me fee conscious that they needed shaving as I have forgotten to take a razor with me to my cousins. 

“Are you married” he asked “What the fuck” I thought, being aware I was no longer wearing a wedding ring and regretting no knowing the Italian for “Piss off I am not interested”.

“I have a partner he is a musician he is working at the concert” I lied, I am not a liar, I was not convincing.

“Are you married” he asked again and I could see this going one way

“I have a partner” I lied

“Are you married” he asked again

I am afraid I don’t have much patience when it comes to being annoyed by men, so I raised the palm of my hand towards in in a stop sign stood up and walked off.  After about a 100 meters, I turned just to double check he was not following me.  I couldn’t see him but I am not the most observant of people.  On more that one occasion people have said they have seen me in the street, waved at me and I have ignored them.  I have then apologised and explained that it was not that I was ignoring them but that I did not see them, having been caught up in my own little day dreams.  

I headed back to the hotel, a bit annoyed that my relaxing afternoon had been disturbed, I didn’t ask for that man’s attentions, what made him think it was ok to bestow them on a stranger. I called into another larger supermarket and bought some croissants for breakfast.  I went back out a bit later on when it was slightly cooler and I sat in the park, where an elderly couple were performing to anyone who was passing by.  He was playing the guitar and singing and she was dancing, they must have been singing classic Italian songs, as people were joining in with them.  It was a truly beautiful scene to behold, they were providing their music as a gift to others. I sat and listened to them for a very long time, watching people walk by singing along to their songs, it was one of life’s perfect moments. I headed back to the hotel about 8pm feeling tired after the previous days travelling and I had an early night.

I never used to be a morning person; as a teenager 8.00am was wake up time, then when I started work it was about 7.30am, then when I got a horse, it was 6am, I think your body clock gets used to it and you don’t need as much sleep when you get older, I seem to wake up at about 5.30am, it was 4.30am until I got some thicker curtains.  I got up early the next morning and wandered about taking snapshots, I bought an ice cream, sat in the park and ate it I read some more of the book that I had brought with me, then I headed to the venue early.  I had been to locate the subway station earlier that day, so I knew where I was going. I had bought a subway ticket, in Italy you validate it before you travel.  I arrived at the convert venue an hour early again the whole being early as part of the new me, is so much less stressful, I can highly recommend it.  I fly a day early for every concert to allow for any travel issues as I know there will be some sometime.   I met an English couple from Chesterfield, the lady had not been abroad before, they had free tickets to the concert because per partners sister was friends with the support act Soloman D.  It was the first time that he had played a gig in an arena this size as the Milano Forum and what a place to do it.  The one thing that I have noticed going to all these music events is that they are different types of people who watch different bands and on the whole James Blunt fans are really lovely people, very friendly to you they unite as if to say to the world we love James and we don’t care what you think about him.  I stayed with the couple and chatted to them about different places that the guy and myself had travelled to and where we wanted to go.  I also shared stories of the different places that I had been to see James Blunt this year.  We went into the stadium early and we were sat in the same row on the righthand side.  I even got to meet Soloman D, introducing myself as the random stranger that I was, just tagging along.  

It was an amazing concert and James Blunt looked very happy on stage, bouncing about very energetically, he was outstanding as he performed his performed his array of magical hits perfectly from his Greatest Hits album.  It was over, all too soon and I found myself back at the subway station and on a subway back to  # the hotel and it was an early start at 5am the next day to get the subway to the main train station and a coach back to the airport. I was lucky to get one straight away.  I arrived back and chatted to my solicitor about the farm sale before going for a walk.  I didn’t feel sad about selling the farm, which tells a story in itself, I just wanted it to be over so I could move on.  I am like that once I have made my mind up about something, I just do it, life is to short if you are not happy with it then change it.  I then headed off to Chester Zoo for a walk around, it’s an hour to  walk around the whole site and it’s a nice place to walk.  I then headed off on my own to watch Top Gun Maverick on the release day.  It was amazing and I laughed out loud most of the way through it.

On 27th May I headed down to Devon to the Springclassic festival called Wavelength a tip here is you use Google on your phone as a sat nav make sure that you haven’t turned the volume down, as I did this and ended up in Exeter then got a speeding ticket as I have been travelling for 7 hours instead of 5 and was desperate to get there and get my tent set up before it got dark. Like most festivals the weather does play an important factor in how much you enjoy the experience.  When I have been to festivals before I haven’t always enjoyed them as much as I wanted to.  I went to V in Staffordshire twice and the image of girls openly peeing at T in the Park is one that has unfortunately stayed with me.  I have done smaller festivals such as Car Fest and Off the tracks and really enjoyed them but I haven’t been for a long time.  The British Weather was on our side for this festival, it was really warm and sunny and the location was simply outstanding, usually when I have been at concerts or festivals I have been at the back or middle edge of the stage, but I plucked up the courage to stand at the frout of the stage at this concert. Joe Wicks came on in the afternoon on Satrurday and got us to do lots of silly moves including pelvis thrusts to break inhibitions down.  It reminded me of my theatre studies A’level we did something similar that involved standing on peoples thighs balancing, it wasn’t as wrong as it sounds.  

The bands at the festival were awesome and I found myself in a field with a load of strangers dancing.  I had no alcohol at all and I haven’t had much just the odd glass of wine and a couple of beers since the beginning of the year.  Alcoholism runs in my family so if I am going through an emotionally challenging event I always make a point of not drinking any alcohol.  I drove back o Sunday as the weather looked like it was about to turn, two nights in a tent was enough for me and there is nothing worse than having to pack a wet tent then trying to find somewhere to dry it when you get home.