Week Two

Have a listen to this weeks humorous podcas.  Get an update on the Badger situation.  Find out exactly why Jon calls perfect Pippa AZBO dog, find out what the teenager has been doing this week.  Hear about Merlin the Fell pony and what he has been up to this week and find out just how terrible this weeks round of golf was   

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:27

Hello everyone and welcome to this week's edition of Catherine Lorma's Guide to Life Podcast. How are you guys doing? You okay? You all good? Um, yeah, I hope you had a fantastic week. And thanks for the feedback for week one. Yeah, all really positive, so cool. No one said, Oh my god, that was terrible, don't stop. So I'll just carry on. Um, so I got some great social media. I I was like, I messaged my friend, I was like, I've got like a thousand people that have like liked my my um my in the gardens, me with Pippa and the blue plastic train corset. And she's like, and I'm kind of thinking, oh no, this is pretty normal. And she goes, Wow, you're an influencer. And I was like, No, I'm not. If I'm an influencer, you have to have like thousands of views. And she's like, Do you know how many views I get on my Instagram reels? Three. I'm like, am I okay? So thanks very much for everybody who's kind of looking at my Instagram reels. It's awesome. I've got another one to do. I did do one and I was like, Oh no, that looks that looks a bit because you judge yourself, don't you? I was like, you haven't got any makeup on, Laura. You look terrible. You're 52, approaching 53 at a rapid pace. You definitely need to go and put some makeup on. So I haven't done it yet. Friday afternoon, three o'clock, guys. Um, yeah, lastminute.com for the podcast because it's all change, isn't it? We're doing week two. This is week two of my new podcast, comedy podcast. Let's be a little bit more cheery, shall we? Uh so um yeah, after taking Perfect Pippa, as I call her, um, taking her urine sample to the vets last week. Uh, there's nothing untoward in it. I think I mentioned she's having issues with urinary incontinence. And it's really sporadic, okay? Um, it seems to be on a Thursday. I have no idea um what objection she has with Thursday. She's been fine today. Uh it's just, and no, it is it is a little bit more than that, but it's not all the time, it's just every now and again, and it's a bit strained. So uh the vet said, right, we tested her, tested a wee. Um nothing, no sort of nothing to do with the kidneys, no urinary tract infection. Um, however, the bad news for me is um they think that she's gonna have to take one tablet a day, a hormone tablet a day for the rest of her life, and 14 of them were 23 pounds. So I'm like, okay, that's great, isn't it? Thanks, Papa.

unknown 2:38

You know.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Uh anyway, she seems back to her normal self. Um, and she's been sh shredding the remains of a dodo toy quite happily on John's lawn and then chewing up bits of red plastic bone. Uh bless him. John the legend spent 20 minutes with the grass rake clearing up bits of red plastic and toy stuffing. It's he's awesome though, isn't he? Yeah. Uh it did make me laugh though, because two OAPs um called her Black Beauty. That's a Black Beauty. Look at that dog, Maureen, whatever whatever the woman's name was. This was on our walk, and uh and uh and it just goes to show you, doesn't it, that you should not judge a book by its cover. Okay, because not only is she peeing all over John's carpet and John's sofa, um, yeah, right. So uh there's a few other things that she does, which is why um I call her perfect pippa, because she's great for me, she does what I say. Um, and this is not the first time, but John calls her Asbo Dog, right? And it's not the first time this has happened. When I break my leg, we had to swap dogs, my neighbour and I, the person that bred her. And uh and she was on the windsill, broke all the blinds, um, uh pedrolled over her carpet as well. So it might be just a kind of new house scenario thing. I'm not really sure. Um, but anyway, yeah, yeah. So it was worse than ours, but I can't repeat on the radio or on the podcast exactly what the person I've read and called her, but it wasn't very nice. Uh so so what does she actually do? Well, let's see. Um, this week's ball thefts from other dogs. Okay. Uh I think there's probably well, I definitely had one, and John usually has one a week, although he didn't mention it, but he's got used to now. Um, yeah, that takes a ball with him. Um, but he has to have one in his pocket because she can fit two balls in her mouth at the same time. So if she's running around with her ball and then she sees another dog's ball and thinks, yeah, I want that ball, you know, spying it, especially if it's an orange one. She has a thing for orange balls, nearly orange ones with the blue bits on. Yeah, she loves those balls. Uh, so she goes next to them and she can fit two bulls in her mouth at the same time. That's gonna sound that that just sounded so wrong coming out of my mouth. We'll carry on regardless, right? So she does that. She's a ball thief, okay? Oh, yeah, she's a bit of a nightmare, and she kind of she kind of clamps her jaws down on it, you know, she won't let go. It's a bit of a nightmare. And you're going to the person, eh? I I have actually there's been one situation where I was like, I just couldn't get it off her. And they went, Oh, don't worry, it's an old one. We'll just, we'll just no, you can just have it. I was like, thank you. Um, but if you got some treats, that doesn't always work though. She doesn't always drop things for treats. She's not your stereotypical Labrador. Um, honky pond dipping events one, she's done that once this week. Uh usually rolls in fox poo as well. Um, I I could I thought she had, John wasn't sure because I haven't got a sense of smell. And I was sitting thinking, I can definitely smell something. Something, it's not the dog we know, it's uh it's no, it's not the pond. I'm sure it's fox poo. And he's like, he went up. He's like, no, she's fine, it's definitely the pond, it's not the fox poo this time. She's got a hose in the back garden. Fortunately, she likes being bathed and hosed down in the back garden, she'll just stand there perfectly. Um, and you just spray her down without even holding on to her, and then you get the shampoo out and shampoo, and then you just rinse it all down. She doesn't move, she's absolutely fantastic. Uh, what else has she done? Oh, yes, she's got a thing. This it's stick munching, okay? I don't know what what it is. She's all of a sudden decided that she likes sticks, so she keeps nicking sticks and munching them. And I'm put that down, Bippa, leave that. That's usually our walk. Pippa, come here. Oh, yeah, kind of um questionable recall events that were one a day. Pippa, come here, leave that. And then she is a bit of a she is she can be a little bit challenging, which is why John calls her Asbo Dog. Okay. So I did, I gave him a break. I got up at 10 to 5, 5:50 this morning after doing my run. Did you see I put a little run? I did like a little run after work. So, you know, 10 past eight, I'm there running around a park that's quite local to where I work. Bit of a run round, it was quite good. Um, I did uh was it about two nearly 2k, not quite 15 minutes worth because I need to build it up quite quickly. Uh, you may have seen that I I think I mentioned it. Um, let's have a quick look. Do I mention it? Do I talk about it? Actually, I haven't even got it on here. I'm I must have it on my I've actually got some notes, you know. I've been doing notes and everything. I know, professional or what? Um yeah, I have actually I can see now it's down the bottom. I am doing it, so I'll tell you about that in a minute. But quite happy to be back up and running. So this morning I did um yeah, an hours dog walk with the two dogs, says uh Pippa and Flash, just in case you're wondering, um, John's lurcher dog is called Flash, and he's very, very fast. Hence the reason he's called Flash. And uh, what else is uh oh, something else Pippa's done. Um yeah, caught licking the table. That was this week, and also um John's neighbour has cut back part of his hedge, right? Okay, and he's had to put some screening in place. Uh one to stop her getting through the hedge, and two to stop her barking at them every time they're on the patio. So, yeah, asbow dog. And uh, in fact, what did she do? She did something this week, and I actually messaged John and said, Yeah, Pippa's Asbo's in the post. I can't think what it was now. Um so yeah, so I rode um the pony Merlin out with a couple of friends um this morning, and I've been riding most mornings. Usually it's either it depends on what work I'm doing, but I've been getting up really early. Uh poor old John. Used to be seven o'clock start. Now some mornings it's 5 45. He didn't know that time existed, okay, until I moved in. And I slowly creeped it up. I was I started, I thought I'll start him off at half six. Let's get up at half six. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I can do half six because that's only half an hour earlier than I would have done previously. And then it got to like, oh 6.15. Yeah, and then it was six o'clock, and now it's 5.45.

unknown 8:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

It's just he's he's coping well with it, bless him. But I say, yeah, I've moved Merlin to this new yard, and there's a lot more people to ride out with, which is great. Um, we can go razzing around the field, although the ground's a bit too hard, so we can't really do that at the moment. But when it softens up a bit, we can and we we will be able to. Um, and we've yeah, so we we do an hour's hat an hour's ride every single morning. So Merlin's actually lost weight, uh, which is great. I don't think he's particularly happy about it, but no, to be fair, he's really behaving well because that's the key to having a horse, one of the keys, anyway. If your horse is you is misbehaving, sometimes there are behavioural issues with horses, and there are some horses a bit like people who are particularly unpleasant beings. Um, but in in you know, this sort of horses, it's uh it's a little bit more like well, okay. The two of the main issues are like if a friend of mine was saying, I'm having real problems with my horse, it's behaving a bit of it, it's being a complete nightmare, it's full of itself, it's just being really naughty. So actually, there's probably three things, well, but two are sort of linked. One is what you're feeding it, okay? Because quite often horses are overfed, um, a bit like us, feeding, overfeeding ourselves, me myself included. I've got better recently. Um, you know, and have too much food, they've got too much energy, and the energy comes out as an explosion when you're on board. Second thing is um not enough exercise. So, you know, it's like when you know, if you can't sleep properly and people but the thing is, and that's a vicious circle, really, because if you can't sleep properly, you don't want to do any exercise. But actually, if you went out and got some fresh air and did some exercise, then you'd sleep a lot better because you'd be a bit tired and your body would be a bit tired, and also it's a really good way of kind of managing stress, lots having lots of exercise. And then the third thing is schooling in the school. Um, because most people, some well, not most people, but some people just kind of let them plod along the lane with a like a washing line rain, but that's not really teaching them to do anything apart from stroll in whichever direction, following the horse in front if they're in front. What you need to be doing is, and this is what um my friend Ruth and I were practicing in the fields. We were up, going up a slope, and we were doing six strides of canter, six strides of trot, six strides of canter, six strides of strot, trot. I can't say that strides of trot. That's really difficult one to get out, that is. Uh, yeah. So we were kind of like doing this, and it's kind of, you know, so that's kind of that's our mornings. That's why I spend most of my mornings. One, two, three, four, five. And you then you push your stomach muscles out and shove your pelvic bones on the horse, and then they're they're equivalent to the brakes. It's a four-breaking, you know, you know, like um ABS, they've got each wheel. So it's the same with horses, you don't just pull the reins, okay? You push your stomach muscles out, engage your state seat bones, stop them, squeeze with the reins. It's a it's a full that that's how you do it properly. Um, yeah, so we do that. Um so we've been doing that. It's been having great fun. I got him down to three at one point. We were quite tired by the time we were doing that, and then we went out. We so we were escorting a couple of baby riders, not baby riders, but baby horses. So they're any sort of six or seven. Um, and we, you know, there's a two people we we are sort of two different people we were kind of out with, and it was great, you know, it was a really nice little uh hack. Did a road hack as well, and um bless him. I popped his new boots on, which you may have seen in the social media. I put a picture of that on him, and um so he'd only been out on the roads. Uh we've got a really great little village to hack round. I wouldn't want to hack round if it was really busy, but you know, early on a sassy or Sunday morning, it's good. And so we had kind of hacked round that, and um, you know, I was really good because I it took me a while to get these boots on, right? And I've I did I have used hoof boots on horses before, um, but it was a long, long time ago. It was we're talking, I don't know, this is where I go, oh my god, I'm really old, but it was so 2004 plus a bit, maybe 2015, yeah, 14, maybe 13, possibly. That was before Steve was shoeing them. So when did I move? So before 13, so about 2012. Well, that's a good way to work it out. Yeah, about 2012, horse I had at the time, he kept removing shoes, right? This horse even managed to take a shoe off and it's stable, right? Twice. No idea how he did it, okay. It would be come, you'd come down and there'd be a shoe out there front of the stable, you know, lying there in front of the stable door. No clue how he'd taken it off. But anyway, um to sort of counteract this, I kind of got some hoof boots, so I used to shove them on him. So I thought, right, okay. So it's been a while, but you know, since I've actually put hoof boots on them. I was kind of like, right. I mean, to be fair, the pony's really, really good, but he does kind of like scrape his foot along the floor a bit, a bit of like a stallion sort of pose sometimes. Um but yeah, I managed to get the foot in. One boot would look fitted really, really well, but the other one wasn't quite right, and it worked out, it was twisted. So I kind of did that again. So I had a couple of tents and they were looking really, really good, and he's like waving them, going, what are these things that are on? And he was kind of like, when I got on him, it was sort of tentatively, you know, walking along, going, I'm not quite sure I'm wearing some sort of boot, you know. He wasn't really sure. Um made a big difference though, because going over this stony track, he'd you know, he risked bruising his soles, and and he was a lot more sure-footed, which was good. And bless him. So I shoved these boots on him for the first time, um, and then made him lead the hack out because there was two other people with us, the same people that I rode out with today. Um, and do you know what? He was awesome. I'm so proud of that pony, all the work that Jane and I and and Fiona as well have put into him because he trotted in his boots, they're kind of like I could feel him going, Yeah, these are quite cool, actually, quite bouncy, like I wear trainers, yeah. Um and uh, but as I say, you know, he was he was great, he was so just so well behaved. We saw loads of different things, and he didn't even sort of look to look twice at things, you know, different roads he'd hadn't really been down before. And I was just like, Come, Ellen, off we go. And he's like, Okay, mummy. So he was just that he was just he's just awesome. He's such a fantastic pony, you know. And I kind of kind of leapfrog on him when I get on now. Um, and you're supposed to put your foot in the stirrup and carefully swing your leg over. No, not me. I kind of like vault on him from the top of a mountain block, land quite lightly, don't worry, don't like plonk down on or anything like that. Um, but you know, just sort of like it's just it doesn't mind, it doesn't do for me if he just stands there. He's absolutely fantastic. Opening all the gates on him, he's just been a little legend. And so I took him around the fields on his own as well. Um, and he was just, yeah, like opening gates on a horse, it can be a bit difficult because it you know you have to kind of line them up, and then you've got to lift up the gate thing, or if it's like a so these aren't um all horse gates. So horse gates are basically you've got like a big rod, and you pull, you walk up to them, you pull the rod, which is sticking out quite a long way, maybe about 30 centimetres up, so it's easy to get hold of. You pull the gate open, you go through, you shut it behind you, it's quite easy. But these ones he was doing, you know, like a proper field gate where you actually have to, you know, struggle to do it up from the ground. Well, I actually did one of those on him. I had to lean and bend over and lean down, but it was just awesome, just kind of like did that, pulled it back, it was great. And then also there's the ones where um you kind of lift up um the thing and it kind of keeps the two gates together. Again, we lift that and it makes the right racket, although um uh someone's gonna get someone to take oil it for us, but lift up that, pull it down, and just open that and shut it out. I don't honestly, you know, a lot of horses you can't do this on, but he's just like he's just so good. Now, badger update for you, okay. So we started putting nuts out and mealworms now for the badgers, okay. The two badgers that were caught on CCTV, and there were no more raids, but uh but actually well when I wrote this there were India Raids, but actually there had been, you know, kind of a couple of little bits um sort of coming out and and uh and and uh one bowl of food had been put out, and the person who's doing it all, um she's like she was watching them last night and she's on CCTV, and she's a bit addicted to this badger, badger watch is um she's like she couldn't believe it because um instead of the two that we'd had, which were last year's cubs, right? She said they just kept appearing, and there were um five five baby cubs, okay, from this year, and the mum all came down to feed, right? So it's just like they're clearly starving because they ate everything, so that they clearly are really hungry at the moment. Um, so but one thing, uh so she was back onto the rescue place, and one thing that rescue play says, Well, if they're coming into you know the barn in close proximity, they must be really hungry and fairly close by. She said usually they wouldn't risk doing that, and you don't really want them because badges can get quite aggressive, so we don't really want them, okay, in the same space as the horses. So bless her. She's going to come along and find out where the set is and then help um sort of feed them around the set so that it's more a natural environment and they're kind of away from everybody and away from all the stuff. So, you know, that's great that the rescue person's coming out, and it's quite exciting, it's quite interesting. They're so intelligent, these animals. Um, but they they've got two balls for this evening, so we'll see. We can get these little updates to your CCTV of all these badges that are appearing everywhere. Yeah, so you may have seen my um my social media this week. I um I twisted my ankle. This always happens to me, right? Okay, I've got I've got a wedding and a ball coming up, right? Wedding's on one night and the ball's on the next night, so I'm gonna be knackered that weekend, but um, I can guarantee the week before, even if I wear trainers all week, which I do pretty much anyway, I'll twist my ankle because it's just something that I always do. When I've got to wear a nice pair of shoes, I twist my ankle. Actually, I'm not sure I've got a nice pair of shoes. I'll have to have a look at that, actually. Um, so so the day before I'm due to do my 3K race for life. I twisted my ankle. I actually went and I was like, uh, hit the deck. Um, so I wasn't quite sure how I was gonna go, and I thought it was a bit swollen, I'll be honest with you. Um, but fortunately it was the one that I didn't break, so it kind of evened the two of them up a little bit. Um, I didn't run very fast. I you may have seen me, I was really sort of shuffling. Um, and I I shoved an ankle support on. I just took it really, really easy, and I just did like 30 seconds run, 30 seconds work. Came in first, okay. Don't get too excited. I'm pretty sure I was probably the only person in the race. I don't know, maybe so everyone else was sort of doing 5k. But one thing I really like about running is you always kind of chat chat to people and get them stories when you meet them on the run. And there's this one lady who was running with her friend, and her friend was recovering from breast cancer, and she was there. Um, and you know, you just get some you know really inspirational stories, and poor old John. We we took Pippa with us, but it was it was too hot to run with Pippa, but she did come and watch. Um, and John nearly ended up in the race as well because she was apparently so desperate to come and run with me. She was like pulling him, going, I want to run with mummy, I want to run with my mummy. I can't even I want to run with mummy. What's going on with my words today? Can't get them out. Uh right. So, but it was just yeah, it was just too warm to run with her. Uh, but you know, I was really happy on the run. I felt fantastic afterwards, and it was easier, and my ankle hasn't been too bad, which is why I've managed to do another run. Uh, and it was, you know, it's all really good fun, it was a great atmosphere. Um, and as I say, no, so I've been doing my swing as well this week, twice a week, and Pilates as well that I do once a week. We have a good laugh in Pilates as well. Um, if you if you're a serious Pilates person, okay, one person was chucked out, right? She took, I well, we weren't there. There's a woman called Ruth who I go on, we've been on holiday twice together to the Pilates retreat thing. We were actually missed this week. We're gutted we missed this week. Because apparently the woman said, Right, will you just be quiet? I'm trying to concentrate. My Pilates instructor actually messaged her after the class and said, I'm really sorry, you know. Um, if you don't want to chat in Pilates, you're clearly in the wrong group. Gave her money back for the session, the next session that she'd booked. It was quite funny. Um, if she hadn't been there, Ruth or I would have probably said something because um Ruth's quite a senior senior manager person, um, and I'm just quite outspoken. So the pair of us are usually next to each other, and we would have probably said something. I didn't know what it'd have been polite, but we'd have said something. Um right, so what else? Golf, right? I was terrible, terrible round. Um, but the issue I've been having with the driver, however, I hadn't used the driver, I've been having this issue with the driver, right? I keep hitting the ball right. Um, and I spent a bit of time kind of on the range doing bits, and John's like, Well, you're holding it at this you know strange angle, that's possibly why. So I didn't use it for the start of the golf round I did last week, which I should have done, because actually, when I got to the point, I'd you know what, it can't really possibly go any worse than it already has been. Let's just use the driver um and hit it kind of, you know, and see how we go. And actually, it was good, it was fine. I hit it straight, and I was like, seriously, could have done you know, so that's that's the positive I'm taking from that. And there was also um one ball that was okay after about 50. And uh the plus side of also hitting the ball in the gully. As well. I did find four of the balls, okay. You know, which was quite good, but it wasn't a great round. Um, definitely need to kind of work on that. The good news is John's back on form again, and he came second the other day in in the competition, and he played really, really well today. So that's fantastic because you know it's all about kind of helping him improve his golf and you know, you know, work towards him in getting a better handicap. So that's good. Okay, so the teenager's got on holiday with their friends to the caravan, uh, which is yeah, no, so that's that should be going okay. But she's doing a festival this summer, okay? Um, camping first time, bought a tent, right? Going to a festival. It's a big one. I'm not saying which one, but it is a big one. Um, and I've been to a few festivals, okay. And I usually take my two-man tent and you're kind of squeezing you all in it, aren't you? And you know, you and you have to carry stuff a long, long way, right? So uh the tent arrives, okay, and it apparently is big and heavy. And I'm like, okay, like, have you got a festival trolley? No, you probably need to get one then because you're gonna have to carry this stuff a long way, and it's really, really heavy. And um, but you know, so I've I've I've given the messages there, okay. I've suggested that she gets a festival trolley, right? To put all the stuff in. Because there are four of them, right? They've ordered an eight-man tent because apparently there's never enough room to four. I was just like, okay, thinking you need to get there really early, then otherwise you won't be able to find a space to put your tent up. Um, because also she's picked like the quiet campground. And I had, do you know what? It's great because I had this conversation with with the lady I was out riding, who's also she's got an 18-year-old daughter, so the same age. And um, and and apparently they went to a festival last year, and the very same thing happened. Um, certainly she sort of dropped them off. They went to Kendall Cawley, which was quite a nice one, um, and they kind of dropped them off. And she said the same thing. She said, Um, you need a festival trolley. And they were like, No, we don't need a festival trolley, don't be ridiculous, right? So she took a picture of them with all their stuff, they had loads of stuff, far too much stuff. Because you travel light, okay, at a festival. You don't really take much stuff, you know, maybe a change of t-shirt, two t-shirts, another pair of shorts, some underwear, whatever. You really travel light. Um, anyway, they got there, and everybody else had a festival trolley. And apparently they had to, because they were in a client campsite, they had to carry it a long way, it was all the way over past the entrance, probably about a mile at least. So I'm just going, hmm, yeah. Um, I've also suggested that they take a rubber mallet because otherwise they're never gonna get the pegs in the ground at the moment. But there we go. We shall I shall update you on how that all goes. As I say, uh, the one thing that um so I am fairly new to this whole teenager thing, and it's actually quite nice that I'm riding out with somebody who's got a bit of experience because I'm like, I'm like, do they usually like wake up at three o'clock and then moan about everything? She's just like, yeah, that's pretty normal. It's right, right? Okay, that's all right then. Although, to be fair to her, um, to the we've got like I uh when I used to be living at home, I had like a you know, the little kind of food waste bin. Um and I was like, Johnny, I haven't got a food waste bin. Oh, can't cope with it. Neither of them can cope with a food waste bin, can't cope with it all. And they're like, can't cope with all the maggots and everything. I'm thinking, how long are you leaving this food waste bin? It just goes out once a week or maybe every couple of days if it really starts to punk. You know, there shouldn't be like maggots crawling in and everything. It doesn't like, you know, so I was spying. So we've now got okay, a food waste bin. Hang on. Okay, forgot this morning, put my banana peel in the bin, but there we go. It's gonna take a little bit of getting used to. And I noticed there were some eggshells as well, so somebody else had forgotten as well, but that's fine. It's a work in progress, we'll get there. Um, but one thing the teenager did say was um she was opened up the door, and I remember doing this as a child. There's no food in the house. I mean, there is, there's loads of food in the house, and she could easily make something. I was like, why don't you make an omelet? I hate omelets. It's like okay, then well that's my suggestion, isn't it? There's no eggs, there are eggs. There's one of my eggs. Well, there's eggs on there. Anyone can use them, they're just eggs. We'll just get some more if we use some more. It's quite entertaining. It's like watching myself um as a youngster. But one thing she did come up with an idea, because actually, you know, um, to be fair, she has got some good ideas. She vipes up. Um, do you think uh we could instigate food labelling of boxes going forward? Okay, because um my partner has a habit. He'll make something, okay, he'll make too much of it like a pasta dish, and then he'll shove it all in like a plastic Tupperware box, and then it'll go in the freeze without a label on. So he doesn't mind it. He quite likes the kind of like, oh, I'm not quite sure the mystery meal aspect. I don't, I always put labels on everything. So I was like, that's a sharpie pen upstairs, and I'm thinking I've got quite a few of them at home, along with my box of labels. So I just I like to know what it is that I'm eating. I mean, technically speaking, if you're putting stuff in the freezer, then you should actually um put like the date on it because you're only supposed to keep food in the um freezer for about three months. So yeah, just just putting that out there. Okay, so that's kind of me done. That's that's my week so far. Um, hope you guys have an amazing weekend, everyone. Um, take care, and I will catch you next time. Press the wrong button. There we go.