Week 3

This weeks podcast probably isn't so humorous, but that's life isn't it, sometimes we have good weeks and sometimes we have bad weeks.  One thing that I have learned is not to tolerate the people in your life, who say they want to be involved in your life, try and get your attention then use silence as a form of emotional abuse, to make you doubt yourself. 

People who start criticising things you are doing, making people close to you see you in a different light just because they are jealous that you are getting more of that persons attention.  They make you feel like you have done something wrong, when actually its them, you are the person who is going out and doing it.  This type of behaviour causes anxiety in people, the person experiencing it will worry about what they have done to upset you, it is a manipulative form of behaviour and should be recognised as such. If your partner is an anxious person, a sign will be that they keep asking you if you are ok, when they are actually projecting their feelings onto you which is a sign of anxiety.  Look out for people taking advantage of them and treating them in this way and don't be afraid to call out the behaviour and make a thing of it.  It's not acceptable to be treated in this way and if you want someone's friendship or support this is not a genuine behaviour, a genuine person will say something to your face, not to someone else behind your back.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hi everyone and welcome to this week's edition of Catherine Arma's Guide to Life Podcast, week three. Woohoo! Hope you guys are okay. Um, how's it all going? Hope you've all had an amazing week. So it's being slightly more organised for me. Um I actually have notes on a laptop, okay, and I'm doing this on a Thursday night, so it's not lastminute.com. Okay, so where did we leave last week? Uh so Pippa, poor Pippa, seemed to have a urinary incontinence issue at four. Okay, so it's to do with like muscles around the whole area. Okay, uh, and she's got some hormone tablets, which has kind of worked. Um, there's it's not quite right, so we're back off to the vets again tomorrow morning um for yet another bill. Yeah, 80 pounds plus plus that was about 100 pounds last week. Yeah, not that I'm counting or anything, Pippa. Hey, we better get savings. I don't think you've got that much money in your savings account, have you? Never mind. Um, but these things happen, you know. Do you know what? If you have pets, you've got to be prepared to look after them properly. Um, she does have insurance. I don't know if it'll cover it, I haven't let them know yet. We'll see what it is. Um, but you know, as I say, at the end of the day, uh you have to get the vet out and you have to take them to the vets and look after them if they're not very well, and then you just find a way to pay for whatever medication or you know treatment that they need, um, because that's part of your responsibility of having an animal. Um, I did actually, I saw something on Facebook which really annoyed me. And um yeah, it was uh somebody had like a rescue, it was a setter, a rescue English setter, and the rescue actually got a phone call from the people who are looking after it saying, if you don't come and pick up this dog tomorrow, we are taking it to the vets to have it put down. I mean, what sort of person does that? That is just absolutely awful. Um, so bless a heart, my friend Liz, who I did a podcast with um quite some time ago, um she um about running a marathon. Uh, she uh got in a car, razzed down, picked up the dog, and she said the dog's lovely. It's nine, but it's lovely. There's no issues with it whatsoever. So, you know, well done, Liz. Hang on. And you know, if there are more people like Liz in the world, then the world would be a much better place, wouldn't it? Um, so yeah, I'm quite happy to sort of name and shame. I don't know, I don't know the name of the person, but I'm happy to shame that person because it's just disgraceful behaviour. It really, really is. Um, yeah, so you know, we'll just see what happens. Um, I think it was in the uh video that I put up on social media, shoved it on Instagram yesterday and it'll be going up on Facebook uh tomorrow. Uh yeah, it's uh Pippa jumping up at the tree, or is she looking at the tree? I'm pretty sure that she kind of like shakes the tray, jumps up at it and knocks it and tries to get some apples off it because she really loves apples. Um, you know, I think apples are okay for dogs. Uh carrots certainly are. So uh yeah, it's uh, you know, that's fantastic. Uh what does she do this week? Not too many asbo things. She's only all she's done this week is mugged, okay, other dog walkers for treats. What she does, she does is she can smell them on her, and she's there shuffling along, walking along to heel to this random person. Can I have a treat, please? Inevitably she just tends to get one. Uh she's a bit naughty, but you know, you know, that's kind of that's it for for what Pippa does. So this week I thought I'd uh focus a little bit more about Merlin. Um, because I got I kind of like I, you know, because I was I did some I did some social media, I did like a video which I'll shove up this week and this next or the next week. Um I sent it over to the teenager and I said, right, what do you think of this video? And she's like, oh yeah, that's really cool. And I was and I was thinking, oh right, okay then. And I thought, well, it's because I take horse riding for granted and think, yeah, it's a bit mundane and interesting what I'm doing because I've been doing it for so long, but I don't appreciate that most of you guys out there don't have a horse or a pony, so you don't know what we do until you find it interesting. So I'm yeah, so I'm gonna focus a little bit more about Merlin um this week. I've got a cracking social media post um which I haven't shown to the teenager yet, uh, and it's really quite funny, and basically that's quite often my morning, okay. And when you see it on social media, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. So, how does you know, life of equestrian, okay? How does it work? What do we do? Well, um, and I've said I've said it before, but a lot of equestrians are actually um we're NHS people. I've got, I think I met I met a couple, there's a couple of NHS people at the yard that I'm on now. Um, and the previous yard I came from there's another NHS person. So it is something that NHS people do tend to do. We do go horse riding, and it takes our minds off um the tough parts of the job because it's you know, some parts are dealing with people being really, really poorly and you know dying. So you have to have the kind of you know, the kind of outlet to to kind of get yourself through it and to focus on it, it's sort of kind of a form of mindfulness. Um so what does my day look like being the question? What do I do? Well, um it's usually uh at the moment, so obviously my routines change because I've I've moved in with John, but it's um it's a six o'clock start, okay, sometimes 5.45. And at the moment, um the day is kind of it will be um go down to the yard, get the pony in, um, brush him down, say we'll call grooming, that is, pick his feet out, you get like a little hoof pick and you pick his feet out to make sure he hasn't got any stones in his hooves, and then you tack him up, okay, and you go for a ride, we're going for a hack. If I was doing a major schooling session with him, so say, imagine um, so that kind of a hack's maybe an equivalent of like going for a walk with a dog, you know, a sort of a stroll in the country. If I was doing what they call a schooling session, so if I was making him work quite hard, say lots of canter, maybe some jumping, then imagine that you were kind of like you've just been eating your breakfast, okay, and then half an hour later you take yourself off for a run or a big gym session. You're gonna feel a little bit ill, aren't you? So it's the same, same principle with horses. If I was doing that, then I would have to leave them in this stable for probably about an hour at least, um, so an hour at least off the grass, so that you know I could then actually just actually ask him to do a little bit more. So we're going out, we're going out, we'll go out on the fields. Um, I did so I did do like a little riding session. There's a big flat hay field that um you know I kind of doing doing some what they call transitions in. So that will be walking, okay, trotting and cantering. So whenever you change from walk to trot, trot to canter, then that's called a transition. So we're doing the working on these transitions, um, and what does it do? Um, well, if you have a little bit of a lazy horse, which Merlin is, you know, make going sort of quickly is well, he will do it, but it's like it's it requires a bit too much of an effort for him. But it's always easier, in my opinion, to get a lazy horse to go forward than it is to get a really fast forward horse to stop. Um, in my personal opinion, you're safer with a lazy horse. And what we're doing is we are so, but the way to get him going forward is to do lots of transitions, okay? Because it kind of wakes you up. Imagine if you were kind of like walking and you're kind of walking along the pavement and then you jogged a few steps and then you walked a few steps and you jogged a few steps and you walked a few stops, you'd slowly start to wake your body up, wouldn't you? All the muscles and everything would like slowly start to kind of come alive and you'd feel a bit more yeah, and you'd probably do maybe run for a little bit longer. Well, it's exactly the same principle when we're kind of warming a horse up and we're kind of asking it to work and we're kind of loosening it up a bit and doing doing some transitions and kind of getting it to go forward and and to move quite a little bit. Because then I do that in walk, and at the moment I am concentrating on steps. So for example, I'm doing like 10 strides of walk, then asking him for trot, 10 strides of trot, then asking him to go back down to walk. And it's the kind of so when you when you're sitting on the horse, okay, right? When you come to change trans change gear, so you know the top riders, they they all they change gear, um, you know, and that you can't see anything happening, okay. So, what is happening if you're on a horse? Um, so you're pushing your stomach muscles out, um, you're squeezing with the top of your thighs, all sounds a bit dodgy again, doesn't it? Um, and then you're squeezing with the reins and you're stopping your pelvic movement, okay? And that's how you actually it's called engaging the brakes, and then you squeeze the reins and they should drop and do and go into a transition down or a halt. And it's working on the accuracy of that. That's something I've not been able to do. I did about 15 minutes of it, and I was in quite a bit of pain actually afterwards, to be fair. Um, which is is fortunately it's going away quite quickly, which is great. I used to be able to do this all the time, but now I say with my all the issues I've had with my um SI joints and my um piriformis muscles, um, you know, it's been a little bit tricky doing that, but actually that was okay and it worked okay, and it was absolutely fine. So that's really, really good news. So then then what happens? Then he goes back in the stable. Um, if he's um got really hot, I'll just sponge him down just to cool him down a little bit. And if he was saying he'd worked really, really hard and it was quite cold, and I um had actually had to shower him down, then I would shove a what they call a sweat rug on him. Okay, so that basically it means that all the kind of moisture and they they're cool the way these things work, okay? Because like the horse is wet, and then what the the the kind of rug it wicks away all the moisture. So when you take the rug off, the rug is soaking wet and the horse is dry. It's they're fantastic things, they're great things. So I'd shove like a fleece on him and a cooler on him and um leave him for a bit to cool down, it might take a couple of hours. Then I I've given him his hay net as well, so he merlin. So you can feed hay dry, or you can feed halage, which is slightly wetter and it's got different properties, and it's maybe more calorific than hay. Hay's better to feed a native pony, and then I but I soak his hay uh for two reasons. One, he's prone to something called colic, he's had it a couple of times, and basically that's where he um you know he has like gastric issues. The first time it was because he'd come off the fells and he had halage, which was too rich for him, didn't agree with him, and he was colicking and he's stable. So that's a veterinarian kind of call out, find out what's going on, take some things out, um, and you know, and and give him some injections. Unfortunately, he recovered from that quite quickly. And then he has sort of had mild colic again, where he had um too much dry hay, there was not enough grass for him to eat, okay. So what he did is then he then came and gorged his hay net. And if you're and it's it's a thing with like felt with like um so they're kind of native breeds, some of them are obese and they're prone to something called laminitis or um EMS, equimetabolic syndrome. I've talked about these before, which is equivalent of um diabetes and metabolic syndrome in in people. And the way to sort of prevent it is to kind of like restrict their grazing and what they eat, but if there's quite if they're out in a herd, it's difficult to manage that. So the but the best way that I've found to do it is to take them off the grass for part of the day and just give them a small haynet, which is soaked to soaked to remove all the sugars, um, and also you know, soaked because of the potential colic issue. Because if they do go out and they are really hungry, and then that you don't give them anything, there's nothing for them to eat in the field, then they come in, they'll be starving and they will just gorge themselves. And it's quite a good test because he's only getting a small haynet at the moment and he's not really eating all of it, and he's in for a fair amount of time. Um, again, to just make sure that he kind of rests and then make sure that everything's kind of going through, shall we speak? Um, there's lots of different types of horse poo as well. Yeah, I've talked about that before. You what you're looking for kind of so for him, if he's doing really big piles of fairly sort of loose stuff, that's good. Okay, if he's doing small, bullet-sized things, that's not so good, okay, because that's more likely um to end up being colic. The poo should actually go be in round, kind of round form, and when it hits the ground, it should break apart slightly. That's the perfect poo, okay. Perfect horse poo, that's what you're looking for. You know, if it's all runny and sloppy and stuff like that, then hope no one is actually listening having their breakfast while listening to my this week's podcast. But if it's all runny and sloppy, then they've got too much protein in their diet because um again, you know, horses like humans, we all need protein, don't we, to survive? Um, and you know, so it there's too much protein, so you'd have to kind of cut it down. Okay, so then what would happen, right? Well then I would kind of leave him, I'd go about and do whatever it is I'm doing with my day, and then pop that down a bit later on, um chuck his fly rug on or whatever rug for the this time of year, he's got uh what they call a sweet itch hoodie, and basically um it just means that he's it kind of like it it is fully enclosed, okay, and and people might be like, why has she got a rug on him? Well, basically because um fell ponies are prone to getting something called sweet itch, which is where um they have an allergic reaction to um the kind of like um the mid mid-bite, it's like the salava in it. They have some kind of allergic reaction to it and it makes them scratch and itch. Um, so he does kind of have that. He has like, you may have seen pictures of him, he's got sort of dark bits by his eyes. That's because we have he has some kind of allergy and we're still trying to work out what it is. Vette thought it might be sweet itch. I'm now beginning to think that it's tree pollen. Um, learning to manage that properly. And I'm hoping because of where we are now, there aren't really that many trees. He seems to be a lot better, he's not scratching the same way. I've got a different, two different types of facial masks for him. They seem to be working. So I'm hopeful that next year I'll be able to show him because I haven't been able to do it. Um, you know, because of this kind of whole issue with like him losing his fur around his face. So, teenager, what she's been up to? She's been away this week, actually. Um, the house had been strangely empty without her, so I thought, do you know what I'm gonna tell her a message saying actually, do you know what? It's been a bit empty, weird with you not being here. So I sent her a message and I said, This is my new number. Um I told her, you know, I'm kind of missing you a little bit. Um and she instantly messaged because I've changed phones and she didn't know and she didn't have my new number. She instantly messaged her dad and said, I've got this really weird message, I think it's a scam, which really made me laugh. Um, so shoes, right? You know, I'm kind of having a look at shoes, and I did take a picture of like she's got like a large collection of shoes. Is that a teenage thing? Large collection, it was a woman thing, large collection of shoes. I don't have that many shoes, okay. Uh, and now I've got to the stage where I have to wear trainers all the time anyway. And she kind of leaves them in a hall. Um, and I thought to myself, and first of all, I thought, well, no, tidy them up a little bit, but then I realised actually, do you know what we sometimes we can be too fixated, can't we? On like whether something has to be neat and tidy, and does it really, really matter anyway, at the end of the day? So what I've started doing is I've started um rivaling the teenage teenagers shoe pile, okay, and I'm kind of like trying to create something that kind of looks like a little bit like artistic with my shoes, and I'll I'll show you what I was doing. Childish and mature, but I'll show you what I did. It'll be on um it'll be on Instagram in the week. Um, but it kind of like it got me thinking about people who mow their lawns, you know, the ones that are kind of they've got to have exact size stripes, you know, green and white going one way. And they almost like kind of like measuring it with a set square to see whether or not it's like accurate and you know, and the corners at a 90-degree angle. And they and they kind of look down the noses, don't they, at the people next door with kind of the weed wooden driveways and knee-high grass. And you're kind of thinking, and that you know, yeah, okay, their stuff looks neat, but they've used electricity, they've used um or petrol um to kind of to cut it all. They've probably used water to water it all, and maybe some kind of um, you know, fertilizer as well. Whereas the person next door hasn't really used any kind of energy at all, and all the insects are there gathering round. So you kind of think, well, actually, what is right? Is neat and tidy? Actually, have we just become too obsessed with being neat and tidy? You know, should we not be coming more the other way and saying it doesn't really matter that what matters is the planet, and what matters is all the insects and everything in it, and we need to encourage more of those into our garden. So why are we just so obsessed with making everything, you know, neat and tidy? Because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, does it? Now I went to a gig on Saturday, okay. I went to see a band called Star Sailor, it's one of my partner's favourite bands, um, and it was in the old market square in Warrington, okay. And I shoved some um social media up on this, and it's kind of like a uh a big kind of like um building. Uh it's difficult to describe, it's like on stilts, and it's yeah, it's an old market. You can go and have a look at social media, and it's an open-sided building, so great from protection from the sun and rain, easy to close a square off. There's loads of pubs and restaurants in the square, so you could kind of book a meal and listen to the band if you wanted to, and you can go and get your drinks from the the pubs. Um it was just I thought this is a great space. What a fantastic use of this space, and a great way to kind of get people back into you know, the kind of um well, kind of town centre, you know, which is which have kind of been a little bit struggling, haven't they? Um, pubs and stuff for the town centre, and it was great, fantastic. Uh, last warm-up act was a young guy called Ollie Hobson, and he was amazing. And Star Sailor had personally picked him to play, he's a local lad. And what a fantastic experience for him to play and sing, you know, his own music for that audience. And then he went back, you know, back was back on stage for Star Sailor's last song, which was just great. And you just saw you he was actually loving the experience, and what a lovely thing for the band to do to kind of really promote this teenager. And I really hope that we see him at some more festivals again uh this year. So, just going back to um meeting up with friends, okay. Um, what have I been doing? Well, I've I popped Mill in the trailer, okay, and I'm realising that I've just been moaning about using diesel and petrol, and you know, and I'm I am, I'm guilty of that because I used quite a bit of diesel to take meal in off to fray with my friend Bev. Uh, we went around the farm ride and we spent an hour and a half just riding and chatting because the ground was really, really hard. Um, good news is it was a bit windy and there weren't too many flies. Um, say uh you know, and it I thought that was fantastic. And it kind of made me laugh though, because we were kind of like, oh, the ground's really hard. We can't really, you know, we can't really trot. It's too hard to trot. Is it's far too hard to canter? And then I saw I saw a post from Fran McNichol. Um, she's a lady I've also interviewed her on my podcast, and she's emigrated to Australia, and she was doing a three-day event, and she's like, right, say guys, um, anybody from England who's reading this post um who's and worrying about cantering your horse or jumping your horse on the hard ground out here, right? It's rock with a small covering of mud.

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Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Like that's the ground out here. She said, absolutely fine. We're not having any issues whatsoever. And so I was kind of like having a bit of a rethink about the whole thing. So I have cantered Million a few times on the hard ground when I probably wouldn't have done after seeing her post. Because I kind of what I do is I kind of like trot him up. And if he wants to canter, he'll sometimes do a few strides, then go back into trot, and you're kind of thinking, no, he doesn't, he's not really very happy, he doesn't happy with the surface. Um, and then there are other times where I'll trot him and he loves going uphill. So I'll trot him and I'll canter and push him into canter up the hill. And if he goes, zom, right, yeah, let's go. I'm like, right, okay, yeah, and then that's definitely fine. He's okay to canter, um, which is absolutely fine. That's great. I've got to do a badger update for you as well. Okay, so uh those were badgers coming, they're all telling their mates and sending them down to get some food, fighting over the food. But a fox came down with a baby badger on night, um, and we had no idea that foxes and badgers actually live together, but apparently they do. But it kind of makes sense, doesn't it? Because they're because foxes can make an awful racket, and clearly they have learnt because of what we humans have been doing to badgers to live together as in a social kind of environment so that if there is any kind of um thing going on, the foxes can just make a right racket because badgers don't really make that much noise, then foxes make horrendous noise to warn the badgers what's going on. Genius, how genius, how amazing is kind of wildlife like that, that it does evolve, you know, to do that kind of thing. Okay, and something I I didn't mention as well, and I'm just looking at my notes, they're a bit disjointed. I'll do better next week. Um, I'm gonna have to change it as well to comedy podcast, to humorous podcast, aren't I? Because there's not that much humour in it this week. Uh, but you know what? Sometimes that's you know, you white we your week maybe hasn't been humorous. I've had issues to deal with uh this week, which perhaps I haven't had. you know, as as much fun or as much laughter as I probably want to. Um and I have, you know, so I one thing that I really do like about horsey horse riding is you'll have a chat with a group of people and you'll find out about their past experiences and you'll share experience and say knowledge. And I like it when you can chat to somebody who's maybe going through a different difficult time with their horse or they've had an accident or something. And you can kind of say well I understand that and that happened to me so don't worry about it too much because X I did and you just give them advice on on how to kind of proceed and how you felt and it and I think sometimes just somebody else you know hearing that and saying do you know what she's right actually um you know because quite quite because what happens is if you have an accident on a horse you do it knocks your confidence massively so because you kind of be you're really acutely aware um when you're an adult in particular of actually you're no longer you're not immortal which we is what you you thought you were as a child you know um you're not immortal you can get injured and it really hurts okay and quite often you break something and so that obviously affects your confidence and it takes a lot of courage then get back on the horse and it takes a lot of work in progress to you for you to get back to where you were before on that particular horse even if the accident wasn't necessarily the horse's fault like for my leg break I'd really lost my confidence quite a lot on Merlin and James riding him quite a lot. Every time I tried to ride I was in considerable pain and I do think that it definitely you know it definitely impacted on my quality of life or massively so I don't tend to feel sorry for myself though. I'm one of these people I just get on with it I don't moan too much I don't feel sorry for myself I just get on with life and I think that's always a really good way to be and then I like to try and help others to help them through things that I have been through with my experience which is part of the reason why I do my podcast and then as I say I'm moving to the farm ride with my friend Bev and then I'm just riding all the time and now I've got to the stage where I am riding uh six or seven days a week pull Merlin he hadn't had a day off in two weeks I was like this pony feels tired and he's like yeah that's because I haven't had a day off mother so um so it's important to give HR I do give him but I'm having so a day off but I'm having so much fun that we're actually going out and doing it. And I think that's another thing when you haven't been able to do something you're kind of like I haven't been able to do it right I've got to go I've got to do it now because you're kind of conscious that you know summer's nearly over and you might injure yourself again and he might injure himself and you might not ever have that chance again to go and do these things. So it's really important to just kind of go and do them isn't it while we still have time to do them um but but saying that I have been doing a little bit less okay I have been I've had time um I've actually been starting picked up the book that I've been writing again I've got two books I say that I'm trying to write I've nearly finished both of them um and I so I I'm determined to get them done so I've I'm kind of back I'm having to reread the one that I the first one I did um because I can't really remember what happened and and then they've kind of been altering that as I go along but I need to reread them go through them all and then edit them and then add bits to them. So we are getting there it is a work in progress but at least I do have time to do that now which is great. I'm giving art a break for August because I think it's important to give yourself a break that's something that my art teacher said as well because if you're kind of doing something you know you need to give yourself time to kind of re-energise yeah so a break from art apart say apart from maybe going and doing some sketching with some friends in art class we're thinking about going to local pubs saying can we sketch in your garden please you know that's the kind of kind of plan whether or not it'll come off I don't know but that's what we're going to be doing going and stretch sketching out and about around Cheshire because it's quite good because you kind of look about shadows and shading and stuff um is it plain plain plan air plan air or something like that it's called painting out it's got a special name painting outside uh so we'll go and do that but um there is something I do want to say I'm not gonna talk about my podcast because it is kind of like a personal issue that I'm having to deal with this week and it's to do with um someone's behaviour and quite often I know I've in the past I've been really forgiving of people and I've kind of gone yeah that's okay you've done that and and do you know what I've kind of got to a stage now nearly approaching 53 and I'm like do you know what I'm not really prepared to accept that behaviour anymore um it's not right okay it's not right to treat somebody in that way um and and I think as a you know we need to be kind of more aware of of people's behaviours because actually they can really really affect somebody because like for example um you know it's like the silent treatment so I'm gonna mention this because my my mother's um she has not really done the silent treatment but she has done the withdrawing um physical contact and emotion she's definitely done that to me um I remember trying to hug her once um when I was a teenager and it was the last time I tried and she just pushed me away from her and she was upset about something it was and it was nothing I had done I was trying to comfort her and to get that kind of rebuff from a from a mother figure was really quite awful actually um and and and you kind of think and you you kind of think well what did I do about you know what did I do um and it was nothing that I had actually done it was something that somebody else had done um and that was quite difficult for me to deal with and then so consequently I have really been analysing people's personalities and their personality traits and if I do see things now where I'm thinking right okay I know that behaviour it doesn't really seem normal to me I'll do a bit more research do a bit of research on it okay there's a great website called psychology today and I would actually and so if you are in the situation where you kind of you're thinking you know you're thinking over getting really anxious about something that you know thinking you've done because this person is not responding to you in the way that you think that you know they should okay it won't be you it will be them and my advice would be go and do some research on it go and have a look at the psychology today website and actually say right okay and I I know and I've it's on my Facebook page okay um you know so silent treatment from Mr. Blunt okay and I am frustrated with him okay I know why he's doing it because he wants to try and improve his personality but I'm getting frustrated with him okay that and he needs to build his confidence and that's why he's going out and doing all these things. I can see that because of who his personality type is um because he's a narcissistic he has a narcissistic personality type and they actually lack confidence so he or that despite the fact that he is a superstar um they quite superstars quite often have fragile egos um say they lack confidence so he's going and doing all these things to get confidence and he doesn't want to meet me until he's at the stage where you know he thinks that he's not going to be in a situation where he can't actually speak to me which is what happened last time. So it's fair enough but I just get really frustrated with him right okay but you know that message is out there for anybody and you know a silent treatment you know it's I just I find it really frustrating as I say I know why he's doing it but it is really annoying um that's just the way I see it okay but that's I know I know the reasons behind it but I'm a very impatient person um so there we go the situation will resolve itself in one way or another at some point in time anyway that's enough for me and just to say don't forget if you're in that situation we're kind of thinking right is this this behaviour normal go and do some research on it okay because it's all out there on the internet now and you can do because chances are it won't be you and you might have a bit of a wake up call and think wow I hadn't noticed that before and don't put up with it don't tolerate it is all I'm saying. Have an amazing week everyone and I'll catch you next time