Start Up, Start Over, or Just Start With Katie Jordan

Victim mentality can feel like protection, but over time it keeps us stuck, waiting for someone else to fix what hurts. In this episode, I sit down with Katie Jordan, a coach and community builder who helps divorced women find freedom and fulfillment after the shock wears off. Katie shares a truth I think all of us need to hear: pain is real, but so is our power to choose what happens next.

Katie opens up about her own journey through deep grief, a major life transition, and the decision to stop living in the “woe is me” spiral. Together, we talk about the mindset shift from “this happened to me” to “what am I going to do about it?” and the practical tools she uses to help women move forward.

We discuss the power of “I am” statements, building self-trust through small, consistent actions, how fear often disguises itself as paralysis or worry about what others think, and why having the right community can make all the difference. Katie also shares how her Butterfly Tribe Blueprint gives women a safe place to be honest, supported, and encouraged as they rebuild.

Whether you're rebuilding after divorce, navigating grief, facing an unexpected life transition, or simply ready to take ownership of your next chapter, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don't have to have everything figured out. You just have to be willing to take the next step.

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Transcript

Victim Mindset Vs Ownership

Jennifer Johnson 0:00

Too many of us get stuck in victim mentality, blaming circumstances or other people or bad luck as to where we're at in life. But here's the truth. Staying in that mindset keeps us powerless and prevents us from creating the changes that we desperately want to see. Sometimes we need to start something, start up, start something new, start over after a setback, or just start moving in any direction. The key is to take ownership and action instead of waiting for someone else to fix our problems. Today I have the pleasure of speaking with Katie Jordan. She helps divorced women find freedom and fulfillment after the shock has worn off. We're going to explore her book, which is titled Start Up, Start Over or Just Start, and the Butterfly Tribe that she created to help people break free from the victim mentality and take control of their lives. Welcome, Katie.

Katie Jordan 1:01

Thank you. I am so excited to be here today. Lots of exciting things happening.

Jennifer Johnson 1:08

Absolutely. And there's this is just so great to talk about because so many times people do get stuck in the, oh, well, this happened and this happened. And the more they tell that story, the more they believe it, the more it feeds on itself. And then it becomes this giant monster and this giant reason why I can't do anything. Because I am a victim. Yes. We have all seen it. We've all had somebody in our lives or met someone or had some dose of reality with that. First of all, I want to know. I love this the name of your book. I want to know what inspired you to write your book. It's called again Startup, Start Over, or Just Start. What inspired you to write that book?

Katie Jordan 1:56

So this book is really a compilation, and it started out. So there's 13 women in the book, and it's about their journey in entrepreneurship. But my journey in entrepreneurship started when I was probably 11 years old. I was that kid that came from a family where if you wanted it, you had to work for it and buy it yourself, right? So I sold everything from wrapping

Why Katie Wrote The Book

Katie Jordan 2:30

paper to i babysit to buy that cheerleading uniform in high school, you know, all of those things, but not realizing where that would take me until later in life. So fast forward to 2017, I was seven months pregnant with my daughter, and my grandmother passed away. Okay. She it's one of those situations that she was this amazing woman. She worked at the nursing home. I remember in the kitchen, and I remember her baking cookies and stuff like that. So we would always go see her there, but she had dementia. So the grandma that I knew and remembered was gone mentally before her physical body was. So that's a whole interesting thing in itself because you're saying goodbye twice. Then you just fast forward another year. And in May of 2018, I actually in April, I lost my father. And you know, you're like, okay, I can deal with this. We're gonna make it through that. I will never forget the morning that it happened. He had been sick, but he was doing really well. So, you know, you just kind of, I don't want to say almost take for granted, but you kind of do. That was the last phone call I expected one morning while I was at work. And I will never forget, you know, it's it's one of those moments you never forget where you're at, what you are doing. It was first thing in my day, and my sister, my oldest sister, called, and she was with my mom at that time, and you know, she was like, Hey, dad has passed. Okay, there's some more heartache to add to the pile, right? Yeah, then you fast forward about seven months from there, that same sister that called me began having seizures.

Jennifer Johnson 4:58

Oh my goodness.

Katie Jordan 5:00

She was diagnosed with brain cancer.

Jennifer Johnson 5:03

Wow.

Katie Jordan 5:04

And we lost her in 2020. And it's amazing how it's been five years and it's still like really kind of raw. Right. Um, and then I'm like, okay, surely that's gotta be my fair share of grief. Right. Right. Fast forward to a year later. We do a lot of fast forwarding here, right? When you're in it, it seems like an eternity, right? 2021. We decide to separate and sell our house.

Jennifer Johnson 5:50

Yeah.

Katie Jordan 5:51

Our daughter had just turned four. I was like, okay, I think I've had more than my fair share of stuff. I will never forget one of those first pickups when she's in the car seat getting buckled in. And we say, we always said see you later. We didn't ever want to say goodbye.

Jennifer Johnson 6:19

Right.

Katie Jordan 6:20

Um, and I just remember the pit in my stomach. And I'm like, how am I going to go on? What is you know? And at that point I knew that I had two choices. I could stay in that pit of despair and the woe-me, or I could get up and do something about it. And that's when I really decided, okay, does this suck a thousand times? But I am not going to stay here and play that victim. You know, um at that point, that's when I really kind of decided that, and as I went through this divorce journey on the back of all this other f grief of physically losing people, I was like, you know what? If I felt alone through certain things in this, there are other women out there going through similar things. And you should never have to go or feel like you're going through those things alone.

Jennifer Johnson 7:46

Right.

Katie Jordan 7:47

And that is where Butterfly Trag Blueprint was born out of. The butterfly portion is not the fun portion because it's

The Butterfly Tribe Blueprint

Katie Jordan 8:00

that cocoon, the breakdown, the tears in the middle of the night, the oh my gosh, all I want to do is call him and share with him what happened at work today, or all of these things.

Jennifer Johnson 8:14

Right.

Katie Jordan 8:15

You know, but that caterpillar doesn't stay there. They go through the process, right? So you go through that process and you come out with these amazing wings.

Jennifer Johnson 8:32

That is your butterfly.

Katie Jordan 8:34

Yeah. And then the tribe portion of it is surrounding yourself with people who will be supportive.

Jennifer Johnson 8:43

Did that the did the tribe happen first, or was it the book? The tribe happened first. Okay.

Katie Jordan 8:51

I because I never really thought I would be an author.

Jennifer Johnson 8:56

Sure.

Katie Jordan 8:57

Nobody ever does. I've heard you in one of the other podcasts too. Um, and that is, you know, that's it's an amazing thing. You're like, you know what? And especially when you do get to surround yourself with amazing women. So I was so embarrassed and ashamed because in my family, my parents had been married 40 plus years. Like, you know, people didn't get right divorced. I did not even tell my family that we had sold the house until like three months later.

Jennifer Johnson 9:40

Wow.

Katie Jordan 9:41

Because I knew I wanted to be in a more emotionally stable place. I for some crazy reason thought I had to carry a lot of this stuff on my own. And I was in a coaching group at the time of some amazing women from Canada and the US. And yeah, they hadn't been divorced. We'd never met in person, but they were such an amazing support and my tribe.

Jennifer Johnson 10:14

There you go. There's your butterfly tribe.

Katie Jordan 10:17

Yep. And then, you know, the blueprint is that working through different steps to propel yourself forward, you know, whether it's just getting out of bed every day and making one little step with forward momentum.

Jennifer Johnson 10:36

So how do you actually help? Because you coach people and help people through this, I know, and you also speak on this topic, but how do you shift people from this happened to me thinking to what am I gonna do about it? The actual taking action step. How do you coach them through that?

Katie Jordan 10:56

Well, a lot of that, and you know, just like in business, it starts with an awareness. Okay, I know that I am here, but I don't want to stay here. So for me, that started with, and this is what I've helped women through too, that mindset shift instead of saying, Oh, poor me, I don't have anything to give. How of us, what is

Affirmations That Reset Your Mind

Katie Jordan 11:30

my life gonna look like moving forward? I can't have the things that I wanted to have or that I thought I would have. And taking and changing those into a positive interpretation, and that's where I incorporate the I am statements, and it helps to reset your mind. So I started with simple things like I am bold, I am beautiful, I am confident, because sometimes you don't feel those when you're saying it. Right, right, but you continue to say those, right? And then you're like, Yeah, I am. Why do I have to walk into a room? Yeah, why do I have to walk into a room and shrink? No, I can walk in and hold my head high and be like, you know what? This moment in my life sucked. But look at this new thing that I'm starting to create. So those two things are a part of my daily routine.

Jennifer Johnson 12:39

So the interesting part of this is it sounds like like the butterfly tribe. That's a community. Yes. And how about how community can help foster that in someone, that confidence and help build that up?

Katie Jordan 12:55

Well, that one's always fun because it is so important for us to surround ourselves with people who are not willing to stay in the yuck as well. You know, they may only be two steps ahead of you, but they're giving you that safe place to say, you know what, I can't do this today by myself. But we can do it together.

Jennifer Johnson 13:30

And that I'm glad you said that because I was kind of going into my next portion of like question was about what role surrounding yourself with the right people, what what what effect that has on you going through a transition or going through a rough patch? It's pretty important.

Katie Jordan 13:49

It gives you hope. You know, like, okay, I can do this. Right. Um, I think the other portion of it that is so important too is you also could start to see yourself out of where you're at, like steps forward and where you want to go.

Jennifer Johnson 14:13

Do you think any of the lessons that you've learned through this whole process apply to the business aspect? Because you have a business where you're working with people and you're speaking and you're doing all the things. Has any of this applied to business setbacks? Can you use the same tools?

Katie Jordan 14:36

Of course, of course. Um it's, you know, I laugh when I look back at the things that I have done, you know, because you're like, oh, well, this sounds good. I might try this.

Jennifer Johnson 14:50

Oh my gosh, I didn't even think about it.

Katie Jordan 14:54

That's why it's funny when I do think about it, right? Because I'm like, I've been the Mary Kay lady, I've been the Pamford Chef lady, I've been the right, I'm the Katie the Bling lady. Because I was jewelry, and um there's so many because I think one of the biggest lessons, right, that goes hand in hand from the business side and the personal side is that resilience. Because, and I've gone through this, there are days in your business you don't want to go live, you don't want to do the things that you know you need to do to propel yourself forward, but you still have to do them.

Jennifer Johnson 15:45

You do the hard stuff, yeah.

Katie Jordan 15:48

But when you help and you see somebody else have that aha moment, it's like that's what it's about. Or for me, my daughter turns to me and says, Mom, that's pretty amazing. Or she's like, Why don't you practice? She's eight. She's like, Why don't you practice speaking in front of me? And I was like, Oh, okay, we can change that. The hardest critic of them all, right? I well, she's, you know, kids see us in such a different light than we see ourselves. And when I was working on I am statements, one day I just turned to her and I was like, Hey, what would you add to this? And you talk about those aha moments, you're like, whoa, you know, yeah.

Jennifer Johnson 16:42

Right.

Katie Jordan 16:42

She was like, she was the one that started the I am bold or I am beautiful and I'm bold.

Jennifer Johnson 16:50

So that is cool. When somebody is feeling overwhelmed by the situation that they're in or circumstances, how would you suggest that they decide whether they start up something new or they start over, or they just take the first step?

Katie Jordan 17:11

Hmm. It's funny that you say this because I feel like this situation kind of happened to me yesterday. Um, I just felt overwhelmed by a lot of things. And I was like, you know what? I just need to step back.

Overwhelm, Self-Trust, And Small Steps

Katie Jordan 17:30

And I think that is part of it, is we have to step back. And, you know, now all the big rages, all the self-care and everything like that, but self-care also comes from self-trust, and I feel like it has taken me a while to trust myself to make decisions on my own now that are I never would have done before, you know.

Jennifer Johnson 18:02

Big ones, the big decisions.

Katie Jordan 18:05

Yeah. Um, you know, it is when you're ready to go all in on something and you know this is gonna have an impact in other people's lives, it can be scary. But what we have to do is we have to take it in small pieces. So stepping back and saying, okay, I'm not there right now, but these steps that I'm gonna take will get me there. I know what that feels like, helping people, you know?

Jennifer Johnson 18:42

You just mentioned fear. What part of how does fear play a part in all of this? Because I'm sure it does, I'm sure, but wow, how do you see that in how it's shown up in your life or with the people that you're coaching and working with?

Katie Jordan 19:05

If we let it, fear can be it can paralyze us, right? We can't move. And it goes back to like what I was saying about the fear of this part's funny because um the fear of what will other people think? The fear of, oh my gosh, now I'm doing this by myself. You know, I had always had this amazing parenting, and I still do, I guess I should reword that co-parenting relationship now with my daughter's father. And I'm like, but I don't have that now. When she is with me on Wednesday to Saturdays, she is with me. It's not like I can say, hey, I'm running to the store. She can't stay by herself, right? You know, that fear in the beginning, because there's so many things that come with you, come with it, you know, the financial side. Am I gonna be able to do this on my own? Can I, yeah.

Jennifer Johnson 20:21

A lot of realizations. For sure. But then we become fearful if we let them because it's sometimes you look at you know, past things too, and that plays a part into how you're looking forward to the future. Oh my gosh, well, that happened to me in the past, it's gonna happen again.

Katie Jordan 20:42

Um, I think for me, part of that was it goes back to the awareness, knowing that I'm afraid of these things. And this is I've done a lot of like different releasing things, and I I will never forget in my first apartment, I wrote down all these things, you know. I had to like break this bond because it's hard when you're letting go of what you thought would be. So I'm writing all of this stuff down, and I wrote fears in there too. I am not suggesting to light this paper on fire on your patio in your apartment. Please don't save your house and burn it down, people.

Jennifer Johnson 21:31

No. Safely, this should only be done by professionals. Yes.

Katie Jordan 21:38

So, but that was such a great way to release and let go. And you know, there are days, and a lot of days in the beginning, it is just baby steps. Absolutely, and we all need that person in our life that is going to support us, but. Also give us the tough love in a way that we understand.

Jennifer Johnson 22:03

Right. So how do you keep that momentum going forward so that you don't fall back on the old beliefs or the old patterns, the old blame game? How do you keep it moving forward?

Katie Jordan 22:17

I had this experience just a few days ago. I got a text message. It said something in old me would have been fired up and you know wanting to respond really quick and be like, and I was just like, hmm, no. That does okay. Thank you for that information. And I don't need to respond.

Jennifer Johnson 22:45

Yeah.

Katie Jordan 22:46

So this is where it's really important for surrounding yourself with those people that are where you want to be. Because they're gonna give you that love and support. And sometimes, let's be honest, we don't always have all the energy to do all the things, right? And trusting and listening to yourself.

Jennifer Johnson 23:12

And that is very true. So as we wrap up, what would you tell somebody who's listening today who recognizes that they've been playing the victim, but they don't know how they're gonna break free from the pattern, or perhaps they know of somebody who is playing the victim. What would your advice be to them for that other person if it's not them?

Katie Jordan 23:39

Well, part of that is they have to want to not be the victim anymore. Because it's just like when

Taking Power Back After Divorce

Katie Jordan 23:50

you see somebody in a bad relationship, right? And you can see all the red flags, and we're the ones on the outside, right? And you're like, don't do it, don't do it. But when you're in it, you don't always see that, right? Right. So it is like getting to that spot, right? You're like, okay, I am maybe three years post my divorce, but why am I still having these feelings or these thoughts? And when you stop letting someone else take up the space or the control in your life, you're like, oh, I have some more room.

Jennifer Johnson 24:36

Yes.

Katie Jordan 24:37

I can start to discover the things that I like. One of my favorite things, and this is the funniest thing ever, because when I was little, we had to take baths all the time. As an adult, I hated baths. I don't even know why, but I think maybe it's because I had to take baths as a child, right? One of the things I discovered within probably that first year is I love a good bubble bath. You know, isn't that funny when you're like, I used to not like this? Or you know what? You can now buy the food you want to eat. It's a circumstance, you're you're in control of it now, and that's where we have to believe in ourselves and take that control to, you know what? What do I want my life to look like now? And allow yourself to dream.

Jennifer Johnson 25:43

Right.

Katie Jordan 25:45

Because I think as women in general, we get so caught up in this. Society says, oh, you gotta be this way or you gotta be that, and you gotta do things a certain way, right? Right. I don't know. I'm done with society because I'm ready to take my power back and do it how I want to. You know?

Jennifer Johnson 26:06

That's that's a wonderful message, right? It's a wonderful message, very much so. We're moving into the final four, which is I do this with every guest. It's four final questions, and so excited to hear what your answers are to this. What is your favorite book that you've read and what has made it stick with you?

Katie Jordan 26:29

Okay, so I may have brought some props. So if you're listening, I'm sorry, you will have to go watch the video.

Jennifer Johnson 26:40

You can listen or watch the video, yes.

Katie Jordan 26:42

Yeah, you'll still get it, but there are two, and one I'm not even done with yet,

Favorite Books, Habits, And Closing

Katie Jordan 26:50

but I think it's the transformation that this woman has given me out being in her community, and this is gonna make you smile. So the first one is be sing by Jen. I knew it was gonna make you um tickle you. I don't even know. So she really has been some of the basis for going into speaking and giving me that confidence, and like you guys have said in past podcasts, this is the coffee date, right? So there is that one that is more of like me personal growth in business side and that, but then there's this one, and this is the mom side because this has been transformational, and it's called the good inside, and it is an amazing book about parenting because if you think about it, our children are born and have no tools with how to cope with the emotions or what they are, how you're supposed to respond, and not in ways that will hurt others, right? Right, so there have been days that I've opened this book up, and my daughter and I have read some of these things together. So it's for both of you, yes, and Dr. Becky has just been an amazing asset in my parenting journey. Um, so I would say those are two of my favorite books.

Jennifer Johnson 28:39

I know the one, I don't know the other, but I will have to definitely check that out. That is wonderful. Do you have a favorite quote or piece of advice that you find yourself coming back to time and time again?

Katie Jordan 28:54

It it's really, you know, we're all stronger than we think. We just have to allow ourselves to be that.

Jennifer Johnson 29:06

It's very true. It's true in many things.

Katie Jordan 29:08

Right? Because when you're in the middle of something, yeah, I don't know. When I was going through, you know, losing grandma, losing my dad, losing my sister, losing my marriage, like in the middle of it, you know, I wrote my sister's eulogy. And it's very interesting, like we talked through about when other people say things like, I never could have done that. Yeah. And I'm thinking I wouldn't have had it any other way, you know? What a way to honor her, you know.

Jennifer Johnson 29:48

That's how I would see it. But others would be like what you said. Exactly. So what is one habit or practice that has genuinely changed your life andor your business?

Katie Jordan 30:08

I don't know. And I thought I was ready, right? Um, I really think part of it is in parent in my parenting, right? And that is not reacting in the moment. Taking a step back and saying, okay, what is she trying to tell me with this? And you guys, I'm so amazingly blessed because my daughter is so emotionally intelligent. Like now she can tell me most of the time, like, mom, I was not happy, and that was because of you know, X, Y, and Z or whatever. And I was just like, okay. Wow. You know, yeah, she's very wise beyond her years.

Jennifer Johnson 31:11

Wow. That emotional intelligence is a huge piece to a lot of things. That is that is certain. If you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be and why?

Katie Jordan 31:26

I this is has been for a while. Okay, so it's so funny how it just seems not even coincidental, but I would have dinner with pink.

Jennifer Johnson 31:40

Oh, that's random. I love that. I love pink.

Katie Jordan 31:44

I mean, not just I well, and I thought, oh my gosh, this is fun for not only the podcast, but just in general.

Jennifer Johnson 31:54

I've never had anyone ever mention her. That is why.

Katie Jordan 31:58

And the reason for this is she is such an amazing role model, role model for so many people across all different walks of life. And she, oh, I'm getting chills. She empowers people to embrace who they truly are and live authentically. And I'm just like, I would just like to hang out with her, you know. I watched the I watched her documentary and just the way she treats her crew and bringing her family along on tour, and it's just amazing because then her kids don't know anything but kindness. And I think we all could use a little more kindness. Yeah.

Jennifer Johnson 32:56

I think pink was a good choice. I do. Thank you so much, Katie, for joining me on my podcast today. Lots of great little nuggets for our listeners. If our audience wants to get a hold of your book or reach out to you, how can they do so?

Katie Jordan 33:14

So the book, Startup Start Over Just Start, is on Amazon. Um, I still have some copies too. You know how that is when you it's like you always have this little stash. Um and to get in contact with me on oh my gosh, you know how that when you just sometimes forget words. That's what happened. Instagram is at butterfly tribe blueprint. Um Facebook is just Katie Kune Jordan, and that is where the community of Butterfly Tribe Blueprint lives. Is it's uh um it is a Facebook group where women are at and come and help each other and support each other as well.

Jennifer Johnson 34:05

Fabulous. Thank you again so much, Katie, and thank you to all of my guests. Thank you.