Why Do Only Half of Women With Sexual Pain Tell Their Partners?

• Journal of Sexual Medicine "Fulfilling His Needs, Not Mine."

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Transcript

Intro New and seasoned voters are finding their calling in Pelvic health. After all, what's more ADL than sex, peeing and poop? But here's the question What does it take to become a successful, fulfilled and thriving O.T. in Pelvic health? How do you go from beginner to seasons and everything in between? Those are the questions and this podcast will give you the answers. We are inspired, OTs. We are out of the box OTs, we are Pelvic health OTs. I'm your host Lindsey Vestal and welcome to the OTs and Pelvic health Podcast. 

Lindsey Vestal Why do only half of women with sexual pain tell their partners? This is the question that was in my mind when I recently came across a journal article published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine. The purpose of this study was to examine women's reports of painful intimacy, including where the pain was, whether they shared this experience with their partner. Factors associated with not talking about it and their reasons for not doing it. So again, the questions were, was it painful? How painful was it? Did you tell your partner? And if not, why? Of those reporting pain, only 51% told their partners. Many of the people in the study grew up believing that sex should hurt and that they should basically be subordinate to the pleasure of their partner. Women who experienced little or no pleasure were three times more likely to not tell their partner about pain. Some felt their partner's enjoyment was a bigger priority than their own. One particular woman said, I didn't want to stop his pleasure. Another said I felt a little pain. I was on top, so I was being careful. I knew my partner wanted it because we had not had sex in two weeks. The article went on to say that many women and men are are not taught how to have open, honest and broad minded conversations about sex. And they're socialized based on the education or quite frankly, the lack thereof received during childhood and adolescence and therefore in adulthood. Accept or expect mediocre sex. I quite frankly, was floored by the reports of this article, and I really felt a strong call to action to jump on the podcast today to remind us as pelvic floor practitioners that we are often in the front line with having these intimate conversations with our clients. We are often the first person to give people permission to talk to us, to talk to a stranger, even if we're building that therapeutic rapport. We're having these conversations when we are strangers with our clients and we're often giving them that power in that permission and that therapeutic rapport to talk about these things, things that they may not even be sharing with their most intimate of partners, people. They share their lives with, people they share their house with, their finance, with their family with. And I think this is a great privilege. I think this is a great privilege because providers in general should ask about painful sex, should talk about if you continue intimacy despite the pain and how the person feels about this as a means of social pressure. Right. Why is it okay that they're not communicating and sharing this experience with their partner? I want to shout from the rooftops. Painful intimacy is not okay. There is hope. Let's talk about sex more. Let's talk about the fact that knowledge is power and communication is power. And I think that when we lead by example, when we get out there, we offer community workshops, we talk to as many people as we possibly can about the fact that there are things that we can do. There is so much we can do to help these clients. Let people in your community know we're out there. Let the community directly know that we can help them with this and that. Putting up with this is not a solution. We can talk with our partners. In fact, we can build intimacy with our partners by sharing these experiences and by working together to get to a solution that works not only for the individual experiencing pain, but for the couple as a whole. I want to share some important background about this study. The data was based on 2018 survey of sexual health and OTsavior. There were 382 women between the ages of 14 and 49 who reported painful sex, and most of the women were heterosexual. Now, all of this to say, let's get out there, let's talk and share and support everyone out there who doesn't feel like they have a voice because pain is supposed to be pleasure. In fact, the main jobs of the pelvic floor are pleasure. So let's get back to making intimacy pleasurable and the experiences as a touchpoint for building a stronger foundation within ourselves, our needs, our advocacy, and our deep connection with our partner. 

Outro Thanks for listening to another episode of Ateez and Pelvic health. If you haven't already, hop onto Facebook and join my group OTs for Pelvic health, where we have thousands of OTs at all stages of their Pelvic health career journey. This is such an incredibly supportive community where I go live each and every week. If you love this episode, please take a screenshot of this episode on your phone and posted to IG Facebook or wherever you post your stuff and be sure to tag me and let me know why you like this episode. This will help me to create in the future what you want to hear more of. Thanks again for listening to the OTs and Pelvic health podcast.