Undetected Narcissist

The Porcupine Queen: Healing Beyond the Bad Bitch Persona

• Angela Myer/Kerie Logan • Season 4 • Episode 98

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The journey from wounded warrior to sovereign woman lies at the heart of this transformative episode that explores how many of us adopt a "bad bitch" persona as protection against a world that has shown its teeth.

Through the enchanting Tale of the Porcupine Queen, we discover how protective armor develops in response to pain – each quill representing a boundary erected to prevent further injury. While this armor serves a crucial purpose in our survival, it was never meant to be our forever skin. The episode compassionately unpacks why so many women rebuild after trauma using emotional detachment, ruthless independence, and aggression disguised as confidence rather than embracing their inherent strength and vulnerability.

What makes this exploration particularly powerful is the distinction between wounded power and healed power. Wounded power manifests as control-seeking behaviors, using sexuality for validation, dismissing softness as weakness, and proudly declaring total independence. In contrast, healed power stands in sovereignty, embodies sensuality as sacred, recognizes softness as strength, and chooses interdependence over isolation. This framework offers a roadmap for recognizing when behaviors stem from wounding rather than wholeness.

The practical tools shared provide concrete pathways for moving beyond armor into authenticity – from naming your inner protector to reclaiming the body through movement to seeking community rather than competition. These practices support a gradual transition from defensive posturing to genuine empowerment, addressing both mind and body in the healing process.

Remember – you don't need to kill the bad bitch. She was never your enemy but your bodyguard. Now she can rest as you reclaim your throne, embracing the truth that softness isn't weakness but a different kind of strength. Visit undetectednarcissist.com for the supporting blog post, visual resources, and a guided meditation for healing the warrior woman within.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Undetected Narcissist. So today I want you all to sit back. I'm going to be talking about the woman who became a bad bitch to survive. We were told we had to be a bad bitch to survive, to walk through the fire with heels, hustle and a don't fuck with me face To blur our softness so deep that no one could ever use it against us. And so many of us did. Because we had to, we put on the armor and we sharpened the edges. Over time we learned how to win battles, to feel safe in our own skin. But what if that version of you, the one who's always had to be the strongest, loudest, the most untouchable in the room, isn't the truth of you but a survival spell? Let me tell you a story, the Tale of the Porcupine Queen.

Speaker 2:

Once upon a realm not so far from our own, there lived a creature known across the lands as the Porcupine Queen. She was fierce, stunning and untouchable. Her quills sparkled like obsidian daggers. Her gaze could silence a room. She walked tall, never flinching, never faltering. No one dared cross her, and that was the point. She hadn't always been this way. Long ago she was soft, curious, a luminous being. She giggled with moonbeams and sang to dandelions. But one day the world showed her its teeth. The softness got her burned, her tenderness mocked, her truth shattered. So she built her armor one needle at a time. Never again, she whispered as the last quill settled into place. And for a while it worked. The world backed off. She became respected, desired, feared.

Speaker 2:

But late at night, in her quiet den, the porcupine queen would press her paw against her chest, trying to remember the feeling of the heartbeat not guarded by spikes. One day a butterfly arrived, fragile, glowing. One day, a butterfly arrived, fragile, glowing, utterly unbothered by the danger. It landed on her nose. She froze. Why aren't you afraid of me? She asked. Because you're not dangerous, said the butterfly. You're wounded and you're beautiful, but I miss her, the you beneath all this. The porcupine queen didn't answer. But that night something cracked. A single quill loosened and fell, and when it hit the ground and didn't shatter, it grew into a flower. One by one, the quills began to fall, not because she was weak, but because she remembered her true strength was never in her armor but in her ability to rise again and still choose to feel. She didn't stop being powerful. She became whole. The world now saw not just the survivor but the sovereign. Not just the survivor, but the sovereign.

Speaker 2:

Unpacking the armor from protector to sovereign. The porcupine queen isn't bad, she's brilliant, she's a survivalist. She was born the moment the world became too sharp, too cruel, too unsafe for softness. Her armor did what it was designed to do protect the tender, sacred self within, and for that we thank her. We bow to the version of you who clawed your way through heartbreak, betrayal, abandonment and injustice just to stay standing.

Speaker 2:

But armor was never meant to be your forever skin, the bad bitch, the one who never cries, who slaps back with venom, who needs no one. She's the guard dog, not the goddess. She's the fortress, not the flame. She got you here, yes, but she can't take you home, because home is softness. Home is power rooted in self-worth, not defense. Home is sovereignty, the knowing that you don't need to perform, prove or protect your value anymore. You, you are valuable. The truth is, you were never too sensitive, you were never too much. In fact, you were never weak for wanting to be loved. Those weren't flaws, those were soul traits, and reclaiming them, that's your return to the throne. So here's your invitation not to kill the bad bitch, but to integrate her. She is your aspects of your shadow self, waiting to be healed and integrated for the wholeness of your spirit and soul. For the wholeness of your spirit and soul, we, you. I am here to thank her, to release her from constant duty and to let your true self, the radiant, intuitive, powerful heart of you lead, because the feminine does not need to be feared to be respected. She just needs to be to remember who the hell she is.

Speaker 2:

Before we further dive into this topic, I must speak this truth If your armor is necessary to survive in an environment with a high risk of domestic violence and any form of abuse, then I fully, 100%, support the armor you must wear. You are a warrior. The good thing is that there will come a time in age when the warrior within no longer wants to fight, live a fearful life and desires a life of peace. So this information is both for the bad bitches, the ones that are ready to change and the ones who want to understand themselves better. I am here only to shed light on this subject matter, which I am being called to do for you, dear listeners and readers, today. So hear my words To the woman who became a bad bitch to survive. I see you and I get you. Today, we're going to talk about you so that others can understand you and you can better understand yourself. Currently, being a bad bitch is being promoted and celebrated all over the internet, on social media and various musical artists.

Speaker 2:

What concerns me is the misconceptions and misunderstanding of why women who decided and make the choice to become a bad bitch when there is a better way of living and existing, yet I get it. If I came from a home where the women around you were all bad bitches and daily you heard and saw why these women needed to live this way, it would become commonplace to follow in their exact footprints and footsteps. You might have tried to break free from your toxic home, environment, community and friends in order to find yourself, but, like most people, you want to fit in and be accepted. So, instead of believing there was a better way, you gave in as the people around you dragged you down into dark places. Your sense of self may have become lost as you entered puberty and transitioned into a woman. People around you were cruel and unkind. Fear lingered around every corner. Doing your best to avoid the violence, abuse and trauma hell. Maybe everyone around you in one way or another experienced trauma. Growing up, because your parents wanted to beat some sense into that thick head of yours. You quickly learned that you needed thick skin to live in your environment. I get it.

Speaker 2:

It is not just about appearing badass or strong to gain approval from others. The misconception is that it is a wall and a mask that hides your real, authentic self, trapped inside behind closed doors. The light within you is still there, patiently waiting for you to remember who you are, what you are and why you are here. It can be lonely and a sad place to be at the end of the day, pretending to be someone you are not. It can be exhausting. Will you ever have peace? Can you ever embrace a peaceful lifestyle? Do you have the courage to break free and discover what is your truth, not your parents' truth or society, your truth, your meaning and your purpose in life? And yes, eventually pretending day after day becomes the person you are today A cold, distant and living a life with a false sense of happiness because the power and control you have earned and acquired over time.

Speaker 2:

I'm not trying to be mean or cruel. I'm simply stating a fact there were many options and choices available to me, and perhaps only one or two for you. I could have walked in your shoes and allowed my heart's desires to become just a dream. I did have moments growing up in a home of domestic violence and abuse. It did not take me long to learn how to pretend to be like you when I felt threatened and needed to survive. Yet I had to be true to myself. Who did I genuinely want to be? How did I want to think and feel day after day? What was more important to my heart than my wounded ego? How can I get to the place where I care less about what people think about me and start caring about myself? People are a mirror reflection of me.

Speaker 2:

It hit home for me when I realized that I cannot truly love myself unless I can truly love others. I was tired of the hate, so I had to remember that when I hated someone, a part of me myself hated me as well. I hated what I was doing to myself. There was so much unhappiness and sorrow buried deep behind my walls of armor. I disliked how I was not setting healthy boundaries or speaking my truth. I hated that I chose to hide behind a wall that I no longer needed to exist.

Speaker 2:

Can you feel me? Do you hear me? Can you comprehend the battle and struggle from within? Can you comprehend the battle and struggle from within? I know you can. We all can. One part of you can struggle with needing compassion, kindness and comfort when the heart is fragile and suffering. Then the other part of you fights off the truth that your heart desires more and needs more from you. Your heart longs to be open again one day, but this attitude of being a bad bitch keeps your heart locked away, unable to be touched or felt by another.

Speaker 2:

Maybe growing up, being a bad bitch was modeled to you by your parents, siblings, relative, friends and people within your environment. It became second nature because all women had to do it to survive. That is generational trauma right there, passed down from generation to generation. Never discovering, becoming or embracing the light and love within your heart, you who you truly are, at the core of your existence and why you're here on earth. All of this is calling you now, so an open call to the hurting and the healing. This is my open call to the hurting and those seeking help, to the ones who got out and the ones still trying, to the women who armored up to survive, to the men who locked their hearts away and to the children within us all still wanting to be chosen.

Speaker 2:

This is for you, not the mask you wear, not the role you play, nor the performance you've perfected to keep the world from seeing where it hurts. This is for the part of you that tried and is tired of pretending, tired of proving, of pushing through the pain and calling it power. You're not broken, you're not weak and you're not the persona you created behind the mask. In fact, you are becoming someone who is not genuine. I get it. You did what you had to survive and there's no shame in that, but survival is not your final form Today. This is your permission slip to lay down the armor, feel what you were told to ignore, rest without guilt, cry without apology, heal without asking for permission. You don't have to be cold to be strong. This is a false belief. You don't have to be silent to be respected. A strong, confident voice holds power when we believe in ourselves and we set healthy boundaries. And you don't have to hide your truth or wear a mask of armor to be loved. There is meaning and purpose behind these words. The path forward isn't found in perfection. It's found in presence and returning, piece by piece, to who you were before the world convinced you to be someone else. This is an open call to rise, not as someone hard, but as someone whole. We are rewriting the story now, one heart at a time, and yours is worthy of being heard. Welcome home. The open call to the hurting and healing is now complete. It's a heartfelt invitation for all who are navigating the sacred path of becoming not harder but whole. The sacred path of becoming not harder but whole.

Speaker 2:

After women have experienced abuse from a man, they recover, but become a bad bitch and are proud to be a bad bitch. To me, it is wrong. They just become mean, cold and shallow. What I'm doing right now takes a lot of courage and shallow. What I'm doing right now takes a lot of courage. Some women will not appreciate my boldness and want to cut me down. Yet I will speak my truth because I am brave and resilient. I am your friend, not your enemy. I was on the fence about this subject, but too many women said yes. Therefore, I'm willing to name what so many feel, but don't know how to say out loud. I do that a lot, don't I? This is sacred ground, because beneath that bad bitch persona is often a wounded woman who is trying to never feel powerless again. So so enlighten, love. Let's unpack this with compassion, not criticism, so we can help them remember that true power doesn't need to be hardened, it needs to heal the bad bitch mask, why it rises After abuse.

Speaker 2:

Many women rebuild, but instead of soft power. Many women rebuild, but instead of soft power, they choose armor, roofless independence, emotional detachment, aggression dressed as confidence, control disguised as empowerment. Hypersexuality is used as validation rather than expression. Why? Because being soft once got them hurt, so they swung to their extreme. If I can't be loved, I'll be feared. It's a trauma response dressed in trend. What's underneath the mask? Here's what bad bitches' energies often hide A heart still afraid to trust, grief that never got expressed, self-worth tied in appearance, status or dominance, fear of vulnerability being mistaken for weakness, an inner child screaming. Never let that happen to us again. And, honestly, they did rise, but they rose into a fortress, not a home.

Speaker 2:

So on the blog post, I have an image that split on two sides. Okay, I'm going to read this out loud. So on one side of the chart is Wounded power. The bad bitch On the other side is healed power, the sovereign woman. So let's go down. I'm going to go side by side. Bad bitch, healed woman, empowered woman. Open the heart with discernment. It's actually equal on both sides. A bad bitch and a healed woman needs to open their heart with discernment. The wounded power is where you seek control. The opposite is you stand in sovereignty.

Speaker 2:

The next one uses sexuality for validation Instead embodies sensuality as sacred, instead embodies sensuality as sacred. Next, dismisses softness as weakness. The opposite sees softness as a superpower. Next one competes to prove worth versus collaborates from knowing her worth and lastly says I don't need anyone Versus I choose inter-independence. I decided to write a letter to the bad bitch to maybe support her in shifting her wounded perspective into finding the courage to grow and change.

Speaker 2:

So here we go, to the women who became a bad bitch to survive. I see you, you weren't always this way. There was a time when your laughter was unguarded, when you believed love meant safety and you didn't have to armor up to walk through the world. But somewhere along the way someone hurt you. Maybe they broke you and shattered the version of you who still believed softness was safe. So you rose and you told yourself I'll never again need anyone, I'll never cry over a man again. I'll become so strong that no one will ever wound me or touch me again. And you did. You became the bad bitch. There was no other choice. You built your walls, you sharpened your tongue when you walked into rooms like no one could touch you and no one could see you either.

Speaker 2:

But here's the truth. That isn't your healing. That was your shield, and maybe it served you for a time, but now it's keeping you from what you deserve most not control, dominance, superficial level admiration, but real, soul rooted connection, the kind that doesn't require performance and doesn't ask you to be cold, to be respected, because deep down, you don't want to fight, you want to feel. You don't want to win, you want to be met. You don't want to prove you're enough, you want to remember that you already are. The world lied to you when it said you had to be hard to be powerful, that your femininity was weak, that if you cried you crumbled. But I'll tell you what's actual powerful A woman who can stay open without being taken, a woman who can be soft and still sovereign. A woman who can hold both her fire and her heart and not apologize for any of them either. So if you're tired of performing strength, come home, let your armor fall. Not everyone deserves your tenderness, but you do. You are allowed to be both the lioness and the lamb, the storm and the stillness. Not a bad bitch. A healed woman, a whole woman, and that that's unstoppable From someone who sees your truth beneath the mask. Someone who sees your truth beneath the mask. Tools, tips and embodiment practices for moving from armor to being your authentic self. So here we go. Here are the tools. Here are some sacred practices, soul tools and inner shifts to help you release the need to perform or protect and start leading with embodied feminine power.

Speaker 2:

One name your protector. Get honest. What's the bad bitch? Persona protecting you from Rejection, vulnerability, being seen as weak, abandonment Could be betrayal. There's a list. Journal it out. Trail. There's a list. Journal it out. Name the wound. Naming her gives you power, because behind every hardened edge is a soft story that deserves compassion. It's your pain story waiting for you to heal it.

Speaker 2:

Embodiment practice Sit with your inner protector, place your hand on your heart and another on your belly, your solar plexus. Ask her what she's afraid will happen if you let down her guard. Breathe with her, thank her, let her be heard. She's trying to keep you safe. Two to speak to yourself like a sacred lover. The bad bitch thrives on external validation, praise, power, control, but the Queen is internally resourced. She knows who she is. Embodiment practice, mirror work. Look into your own eyes and say I see you, I honor you. I no longer need to be hard to be worthy. I can be soft and still be safe. Do this daily until your inner girl starts to believe it again.

Speaker 2:

Number three let your body lead. The bad bitch often lives in the head strategy, defense, dominance but the feminine lives in the body. She flows, she feels and, most importantly, she trusts her senses. Embodiment practice, dance, sensual move, not choreography. Just feel, let your hips speak, let your chest open, let yourself be seen by you. This is reclamation. You're reclaiming yourself, you're coming back home. This returns home to the body you once felt you had to hide.

Speaker 2:

Four reclaim softness as strength. We were told soft equals weak, but softness is sacred. It takes massive courage to stay open in a world that taught you to shut down, and I got to tell you I know a lot about that Soul tool. Try using gentleness and movement you'd normally armor up. The next time you're tempted to clamp back or shut down, pause, take a breath, ask yourself is this really me speaking or my fear? Then choose a response that honors your heart, not just your defense.

Speaker 2:

Number five call in sisterhood, not competition. The bad bitch was raised in the cage of comparison. The sovereign woman rises in community Women healing together creates quantum shifts. Embodiment practice. Create or join sacred space, a circle, a sisterhood, a mentorship. Share your truth, let yourself be held. Healing happens in connection, not isolation. And final reminder you don't have to kill the bad bitch. She was never your enemy, she was your bodyguard. But now she's tired, she's ready to lay down her sword and let the real you, the loving, wise, divine feminine force, come home to the throne. You are allowed to be both soft and powerful, wild and wise, fierce and forgiving. You are not too much, you are exactly enough. So I have crafted a meditation for you, badass bitches. It blends guided visualization, nervous system relaxation and soul remembrance. I've made it poetic and healing, like a lullaby for the warrior woman finally ready to rest. So enjoy and love and light. Angela Meyer, keri Logan Bye.