Undetected Narcissist

When Trauma Hides in Clutter and Compulsion

• Angela Myer/Kerie Logan • Season 4 • Episode 98

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What if that cluttered bedroom or maxed-out credit card isn't about laziness or lack of willpower, but something much deeper? The truth hiding in plain sight might surprise you.

Trauma leaves fingerprints everywhere – especially in our physical spaces. When life shatters our sense of safety, our environment often reflects that broken inner landscape. The woman whose spotless home slowly fills with clutter after her husband's betrayal. The shopaholic whose purchases provide fleeting moments of worth in a world that's taken too much. These aren't random behaviors; they're sophisticated protection mechanisms crafted by a wounded nervous system.

Through compelling real-life stories, this episode demonstrates how our spaces become external manifestations of our internal wounds. You'll hear about Sue, whose home transformed from welcoming to severely cluttered after taking back her unfaithful husband, silently screaming what her voice couldn't. And another client whose perfectly decorated living room stood in stark contrast to her chaotic bedroom – a deliberate fortress keeping potential partners at bay after heartbreak.

We explore how trauma becomes an invisible architect drawing blueprints in the unseen corners of our psyche, instructing us to "stay small, it's safer" or "keep everything, you might need it." These patterns aren't character flaws – they're adaptive responses to emotional wounds that haven't found proper healing channels.

Most importantly, you'll discover how to approach these behaviors with curiosity instead of criticism, asking "what happened to you?" rather than "what's wrong with you?" Through gentle guidance and practical suggestions, you'll learn how to reclaim your space not through force but through compassion, treating each object as a question: "Does this bring me into remembrance of who I truly am?"

Ready to transform your relationship with your space – and yourself? This episode offers not just insights, but a pathway toward liberation and healing. Because you are not your clutter, nor the architecture of your trauma. You are the soul who can now redesign.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Undetected Narcissist. Today I will unpack when trauma hides in clutter and compulsion. I want to shine my light on how negative behavior changes often stem from unprocessed trauma when it comes to hoarding and clutter, because people's first knee-jerk reaction is repulsion, judgment, shock and disapproval. People usually don't discuss this topic, but I do. I care about my clients as well as you, and I want people to understand the why factor so that they can have more compassion, understanding, sympathy and patience. What I will do is guide you out of 3D habits and behaviors of judgment and into the 4D states of wisdom and reasoning. Therefore, I will gently dismantle judgment and invite you listeners into a space of curiosity and compassion With all the clients I've helped over the years. Around this delicate subject matter, there are always several layers of shame, guilt, regret. Several layers of shame, guilt, regret, sadness and disappointment. I see you and I get it. That is why I'm here to serve and heal humanity with my open and compassionate heart. So today we're going to explore the following themes why do people shift from being neat freaks to cluttered or chaotic? How shopping or accumulation can be a trauma response. Trauma is an invisible architect of behavior, compassion over criticism, how to ask what happened to you instead of what's wrong with you, and in each section I will provide suggestions and tools to help you clear the clutter and achieve more peace of mind.

Speaker 2:

Before we begin, I would like to share two stories that are polar opposites and their extremes, which some of you may find relatable narcissistic abuse, dissatisfaction in our marriage or have ended a toxic relationship. We can not only put up internal, invisible walls, but also unconscious and unintentional external walls. Our clutter and hoarding can be a massive F you sign to the world, to any man or woman interested in sexual relations to avoid sex and, sadly, to ourselves in the end. I want to share my own story and that of one of my clients. Just a trigger warning these stories are not for the faint of heart. When our hearts have been shattered into tiny shards of glass, we internalize that pain. Our unprocessed and unhealed pain bleeds out into our environment. This includes our home, office space, garage, car and backyard.

Speaker 2:

The first story is about Sue. Sue was happily married and did not know her husband was toxic. From my perspective, he was extremely immature and selfish, yet he rarely acted like an adult when it came to taking responsibility for his actions or lack thereof. I knew he was a flirt because he made several passes at me and her daughter's friends. Every time she excused his disgusting behavior saying that it was his Hispanic culture. It was clear that each time he flirted in front of her she came up with another rational excuse, but we all saw it as rather rude, cruel and disrespectful towards her. When I met her over 20 years ago, the home was clean, not spotless, but anyone could walk in uninvited without feeling shame, guilt or disappointment. I spent several nights sleeping in her spare room with my young daughter when I was moving from California to Oregon.

Speaker 2:

Shortly after I moved to Oregon, her husband cheated on her, not just once but for months, behind her back, claiming he was working late or falling asleep at the office. Sue was the kindest and sweetest woman. She wanted to understand why, but of course it was all her fault that his eyes strayed. It was apparent to everyone that she was codependent and a people pleaser, trying her best to stay neutral and understanding, but a storm of anger and rage was crashing inside of her. I knew in my heart that this would not be easy for her. She did not throw him out.

Speaker 2:

He left and lived with another woman for a little over a year. She got over him and started to move on with her life. In fact, they remained friends. They did not get divorced, just separated. Because she was so loving. She continued to take care of his teenage son, who was humiliated by his father's actions. He refused to live with this new woman, who was toxic as well. Still, her house remained clean until he came crawling back begging for her to let him move back into the house. He love-bombed her so well and she stayed single the entire time while he was gone, sleeping in another woman's bed. It was amusing how his lover left him because she grew tired of taking care of him so she kicked him out.

Speaker 2:

If you have listened to the episode why People Cheat, this man played many games with women. The sad truth is she did not know the rules of the games or anything about toxic people, so she was clueless and in the dark. That is why it was so easy for him to play the victim, refusing to take responsibility for his actions, behaviors and admit that he betrayed her and even their marriage vows. He was like a lost puppy and she fell for his bullshit. I wanted to save her, but I knew this was the path she had chosen. It shocked us all. I could see her silent transformation and now her home transformed from being clean to a place I could no longer step past the front door.

Speaker 2:

All her repressed anger, rage and silent FUs were scattered all over the house. The clutter and trash were displayed everywhere for anyone and everyone to witness her pain. It was so heartbreaking. Family could no longer visit during the holidays because carpets were damaged beyond repaired, Rotten food and dirty dishes lined the counters. Stacks of papers, magazine pizza boxes and trash lined the floor and the smell of animal piss was unbearable. Even her daughter could no longer live with her mom. It was an embarrassment. But Sue just smiled and said one day I will clean this place up. That day never arrived. She tried organizing one room, but the unresolved and repressed trauma and anger still lingered.

Speaker 2:

This man had her wrapped around his fingers, playing poor little me, and she fell for his games of manipulation. She liked the feeling of being wanted and needed, even if it meant sacrificing her own interest or temporary happiness. Yes, many times she threatened to kick him out, get a divorce, but she never did. Soon the clutter and hoarding became her norm and nobody, not even I, could talk any sense into her. One year, her family offered to rent a storage unit and help her put everything in storage, restoring the house to its previous glory. We all missed the dinners, parties and fun at her home. Again, it still served a purpose. Why and how? Well, each time he pissed her off, he would not become a responsible adult or clean up after himself and was glued to his video games.

Speaker 2:

She gave up. She accepted defeat and became passive-aggressive, internalizing the pain and trying to play nice Silently saying F? You not just to him but to herself, adding to the clutter with the dirty take takeout containers piled on top of each other. I mean, the clutter and trash was so bad that she could no longer cook in her kitchen. Leave him. We all said you deserve better, know your worth. You deserve to be happy, not miserable. Why, why did you take him back a year later? Is he that great of a lover? I don't think so. Then why? We all asked over and over. All our questions and words fell on deaf ears. Eventually, we all gave up and waited for her to say enough is enough. She never did, because she stuffed it down, trying to appear, appear strong, but we could all see the truth. The shame was too much and she gave up on herself.

Speaker 2:

One day, at her office, I commented how clean, organized and clutter free the space was. Sue is a massage therapist and the way she decorated and designed the room was so welcoming and inviting. I could see and feel the unconditional love that she created within this sacred space of hers. It smelled of lavender and the fresh arrangement of flowers added that special touch to make anyone feel invited. I inquired if she had finally cleaned up her home. It had been over 10 years now. I got the answer I was expecting she had not, and I could feel her shame.

Speaker 2:

In a gentle tone of voice I expressed the idea that perhaps all the clutter was her unspoken anger and rage towards him and herself, and how she had taken him back and babied him. She did not set boundaries, attend marriage counseling or resolve any of the issues within their marriage. I know this made her think, but she has stayed the same and decided to stay stuck in an unhealthy, toxic marriage. In an unhealthy, toxic marriage. It's been over 15 years and still she held onto her resentful anger and rage, stuffing it down so deep, pretending everything was fine behind her smiling mask. Some could not see the absolute truth that existed behind her mask of armor, but I could Each day. She did not punish him, but only punished herself by existing living in a house that looks like a homeless camp.

Speaker 2:

The sad realization is that Sue had mastered several of the 40 human consciousness traits, behaviors, attitudes and ways of living. I saw forgiveness, compassion, reasoning, acceptance, patience and kindness. She gave it freely to everyone, but not to herself. That was the problem. Everyone came first and in the end she suffered, within and without, as various health issues developed many strokes, eye issues, high blood pressure and her crown of glory was no longer thick and luscious, but balding in some patches. That is why I say all the tools we need exist within the 4D levels and when we apply those tools towards ourselves, it is a gift, the gift of healthy boundaries, being our authentic, unapologetic self, speaking our truth wisely and without fear, and showing ourselves compassion when we get burnt out by excessively giving giving giving to people who do not appreciate, respect or value the gifts we give to them. Now I would like to reveal to you the why factor that I see and get from a 5D and 6D frequency perspective.

Speaker 2:

Sue is here on earth to learn a painful lesson that nobody can transform but herself, and she does not desire to transform. She is so self-sacrificing that it is heartbreaking to observe. Her soul desires to understand the polar opposite for growth, expansion, wisdom and ascension. Her husband is her profound teacher of her soul. The lesson she is here to learn are why boundaries, self-love and self-worth are vital for our well-being. Her soul needs to understand that being taken for granted is not a healthy or selfish act of kindness, because that kindness is not being appreciated. There are givers and receivers and then there are just takers. Her husband is just a taker, not a giver. Plus, stuffing down one's emotions is a form of self-abuse because over time those negative emotions begin to create dis-ease within the human form. It is hard to say these words or even type them, but it is her truth. She made these choices before coming down to this school of life on this planet earth.

Speaker 2:

Sounds like a horrible movie plot or nightmare, but our souls are all here for a purpose, whether we like it or not to learn lessons so that we, as beings of light and love, can grow, evolve, expand and achieve the ascension process. It is straightforward, but it seems so darn complex from the human state of consciousness and perspective. It is so easy to get in our own way and get stuck. The pain is too much to handle. We knew it would not be an easy journey, but we knew we could overcome it if we aligned with courage, self-worth and self-belief. So she is stuck in her stubborn ways of thinking, acting and behaving.

Speaker 2:

She thinks that she is rising above the 3D traits, but not making her number one is the main reason she stays trapped and stuck within a cage she created, taking any morsel of affection or appreciation she can get from her husband, no longer living a life of joy and happiness, but sadness, repressed anger and disappointment. So I see her and I get her. I am not here to judge her or feel sorry for her, as hard as it might seem. I love her even when she is a complete mess and is trying her best to hold her head high. I honor her journey because it takes courage to smile when someone is draining the life out of your soul. I am just the observer who loves her unconditionally and still honors her soul's agreement here on earth. When she dies, her spirit will cry to our creator why? Why did you not answer my prayers In a gentle and loving voice? Our creator replies I did my beloved several times and each time you did not listen. What do you mean? She asks In a space of still silence and reflection.

Speaker 2:

She recalled the parable story that our Creator often answers prayers through unexpected means conversations or signs. Conversations or signs. We should be open to recognizing those answers. Just as a man stranded at sea prays for rescue, our Creator knew she received the unspoken message he just sent to her soul With so much unconditional love. Our Creator said to her bright and beautiful spirit, which now merged with her soul I brought friends, family, clients and even strangers into your life to support you by answering your daily prayers. Each time their kindness and generosity were too much for you to bear, you only accepted morsels and scraps. I wanted you to realize that you were worthy of so much more. My child, you did not feel or think that you were worthy of their selfless acts of kindness and unconditional love. I was there for you every time and just by rejecting yourself, your heartfelt prayers have now wounded your heart. Dear one, do you comprehend the lesson now? That was deep. Yeah, I was shared to share that story. Therefore, she hid behind a smiling mask made of tears, heartache and sorrow. Her walls were enormous, too big to face or confront because she still needed them to survive another day of being the yes, ma'am. People pleaser. His needs always came before hers and it showed. As I typed these words, my heart goes out to her.

Speaker 2:

Can you see how the last few episodes and podcast material weave into this story perfectly? She is considered the opposite of the bad bitch archetype. This is not an easy story to share with you listeners. Now for the next story and what inspired this information and I'll make it short, I promise the reality of feeling stuck after a toxic relationship. Recently I had a delightful woman come see me because she was feeling stuck. Within two minutes I knew she was temporarily narcissistic. Her F-U vibe was magnetic and loud. I could see and feel the back-off bad-bitch attitude. Yet she wanted to change and needed help. Here is her list of complaints a wall of resistance that is old and outdated keeps putting up her guard, still dealing with feeling betrayed by her ex procrastination.

Speaker 2:

The bedroom is a disaster of clutter, scarcity, mindset, shopaholic, stuck in survival mode, jaw clenching, feels, bogged down, clutter person. At first she was ashamed to talk about feeling stuck. She felt stupid, but she was not. She still had unresolved trauma from her ex. I asked her if her entire house you know her car, her workspace was a mess. To my surprise, I learned that the only room in the whole house that was disorganized, cluttered, mess was her bedroom.

Speaker 2:

I smiled and said well, that's a loud F? You to keep men away. I get it. Yet your bedroom is your sacred space of rest and renewal. You need to fix this, and we can. She smiled and laughed, and we can. She smiled and laughed. That F? You is not just for my ex, but my mom. She digs into me every time she comes over and opens my bedroom door. I can't stand it when she does that. She rubs my face in all this clutter and mess, making me feel small and stupid. She knew I got it.

Speaker 2:

In that moment there was zero judgment, just compassion. That is when she pulled out her cell phone and showed me pictures of her bedroom. At first it felt like a test, but I had to see it. Yes, my heart sank, but I'm here to help not feel sorry for her. I could see all the emotional pain, excessive shopaholic tendencies and her open wounds. There were no pictures on the walls, no life and no color. It was like a hollow shell filled with piles of clothing, shoes, makeup and other girly accessories. Then she showed me her living room. It was so beautiful and perfectly decorated. It showed a complete different side of this woman. I smiled and told her that I get it.

Speaker 2:

Time had passed and this FU vibe is no longer serving you but hurting you. It is an external wall which she created to keep people away. What we need is to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Educate yourself about the toxic traits and behaviors. Find your voice and speak your truth without fear. Sandwich approach A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing. Creating a plan of action for the organization of your bedroom. Dismantle your internal walls and it will no longer serve you. Set a budget for getting your bedroom organized and design her sacred space again. Learn the art of grace through acceptance, since she still has to deal with her ex and mom. Discover why people cheat because her ex cheated on her and, one day, how to forgive the unforgivable. That's a long list, but at least it serves as a roadmap for a transformation and healing journey.

Speaker 2:

She realized that the shopping addiction was only used as an outside source of comfort. She used it as a reward when she was stressed out. I explained the vicious cycle of shopping addiction because it creates a scarcity mindset with money. She knew her salary exceeded what she needed to cover all her bills, but still she panicked about money. An audio recording process to support her in healing and visualizing herself organizing her bedroom. I did not see any trash in her bedroom, just clothing and items with price tags scattered about. So I removed the negative thought patterns and beliefs and installed several positive suggestions within her subconscious mind to build her motivation and drive for success. At the end of the session she felt great. She could visualize herself setting a budget and purchasing items to organize her closet and space under her bed. Her walls were decorated and the bedroom had the status of a queen, without her quills. She shared that she had been wanting to do this for months but had always given up because the thought and visual mess was more overwhelming than the task at hand. Now she felt this purpose and pulled to rebuild her life and the process would be fun, no longer dreadful. So I hope those two stories helped someone perhaps to better understand themselves and someone you care about who is still struggling.

Speaker 2:

Let's now explore the four areas I mentioned earlier. From neat, freak to clutter, trauma, hidden hand. I want you to understand these patterns of behavior. When we are dealing with trauma, when someone who once prized order and cleanliness suddenly allows mess and clutter to take over, we often mislabel it as laziness or giving up. But what if it actually is one rebellion, rebellion against perfectionism.

Speaker 2:

1. Rebellion, rebellion against perfectionism. If neatness was once a form of control, perhaps instilled by a critical parent or a punishing environment, then mess becomes a subconscious act of liberation. Trauma says I'm done trying to be perfect, I'm tired of earning love through performance. Number two overwhelm and emotional numbing. Trauma overloads the nervous system. Clutter can mirror the chaos inside the pile. Of laundry isn't just clothes, it's unprocessed grief, suppressed rage or the exhaustion of pretending everything's okay. Number three creating a buffer zone. Sometimes clutter becomes a way to self-isolate, a protective cocoon. If I make myself and my space undesirable, maybe people will leave me alone and I won't get hurt again, can you see? So here's the suggestions.

Speaker 2:

When I work with clients who struggle with clutter and organization, they often find that the sight and thought of it are more overwhelming than the task itself. So I suggest they mark their calendar to spend just one hour getting organized or cleaning up the trash. Create a plan of action and document it. If you struggle with being a shopaholic, set a budget and only purchase items that will clear the clutter rather than add to it. Start by organizing one drawer or grouping a few piles of clothing into categories for the closet, under the bed or in a dresser. Make it a fun experience Play music or listen to a podcast, burn some incense, buy a plant or some flowers and put it on the dresser, pull back the dark drapes of depression and open up a window to let the air in. You can ask a friend for help and then take them out to lunch as a gesture of appreciation. And sometimes we outgrow our party slash club attire and we are being called to put them away. Listen to that calling. You can either put them in a plastic container for future use, host a party with your girlfriends and gift a few outfits, or donate them. One friend rented a large trash metal container that was left in her driveway while she cleaned out her mom's whore-filled house. That was an option too.

Speaker 2:

Next one the shopaholic as soul in pain. Shopping can become a trauma response too, not because someone is shallow, but because they are one trying to fill an inner void. Every purchase brings a hit of dopamine, a fleeting sense of value or worth. Maybe if I own beautiful things, I'll feel beautiful, but the wound remains hungry, the items gather dust and, as one man put it, the high of the purchase was more rewarding than actually receiving the item or attending the concert.

Speaker 2:

Number two seeking identity or control. Trauma can fracture our sense of self. Shopping becomes a way to rebuild one's identity new clothes, new decor, a new version of oneself. It's control in a world that once felt unsafe or unpredictable. It can also be a new mask, one that appears prosperous and successful in life, but the reality behind the mask can tell a completely different story. Number three unconscious astral patterns.

Speaker 2:

Let's not forget generational trauma. My grandmother had so many outfits stored in her garage sheds and spare bedrooms. My father said that after she passed I could have worn a new outfit three times a day for a whole year. Therefore, we must not forget about the Great Depression and the post-war period. In 1929, people would stand in line for free soup and bread. There were impoverished family lines that followed. Trauma of scarcity is encoded within our DNA, the unconscious saying don't let it slip through your fingers. Get it now or you'll never have enough, yep.

Speaker 2:

So here are my suggestions, and this one can be tricky for some people. We need to slow down and stop. Remember the dopamine high. That high hit can derail you and create a downward spiral of money. Worry, ask yourself. Spiral of money, worry, ask yourself will it gather dust or not? This is why we need to slow down and think, go within before you click add to the cart button, to ask ourselves why do I need this item or experience? Is it to prove my self-worth, impress others because I can afford it and they can't? Or is it essential to fit in with my peers? Or is it to improve the quality of my life or health? Begin to think of every purchase as either an impulse or an essential item or tool to improve the quality of your life. This does not include designer fashions or name brand products like Yeti or Nike, but rather smart purchases. Sometimes I ask myself if I really need it now or can I wait until next month? You can still ride that wave of excitement when you experience the dopamine high, but be mindful, rational and honest. Which is 4D, rather than impulsive and full of regret later, which is a 3D pattern. And behavior and behavior. The next one, trauma, is an invisible architect of behavior.

Speaker 2:

Trauma is not just a wound of the moment. It becomes a silent architect, drawing blueprints in the unseen corners of the psyche. It builds structures that shape how we move through life, how we relate to our belongings, our bodies, our time and even our worth. Trauma doesn't always shout. It whispers beneath awareness and in those whispers it instructs stay small, it's safer. Keep everything. You might need it when the world turns cold. Don't let go. Letting go means loss. If no one saw you before, maybe they'll see you if you surround yourself with more. These internal blueprints are protective, not pathological. They were drafted in moments when the soul braced for survival, when the body, mind or heart didn't feel safe, seen or supported. Just as an architect may design a fortress to protect, trauma designs behaviors to shield the wounded self from pain.

Speaker 2:

Repeating Clutter, for example, might not be about laziness or disorganization. It can be about security, control and unspoken grief. When the nervous system experiences trauma, especially over time, it begins to craft invisible instructions for survival. These instructions don't always show up in flashbacks or panics. Sometimes they wear everyday disguises a cluttered room, a shopping cart full of unused items or a home bursting with objects that once promised comfort. Trauma becomes an invisible architect laying out internal blueprints for safety, belonging and identity, but with tools shaped by fear, abandonment or grief. These blueprints are rarely conscious. They are protective patterns played out behind the scenes of one's subconscious mind on autopilot.

Speaker 2:

Imagine a child who never had a stable home. Each time they settled, life upheaved, a move, a breakup, an eviction so the child began to keep small things rocks, toys, wrappers, notes. These objects became anchors in a sea of instability. The physical items are not just stuff. They are proof of existence, connectivity and control. Now that the child grows up, clutter follows, not because they are broken, but because that part of them still believes If I have all these things, I won't feel lost again.

Speaker 2:

The trauma wrote the blueprint. The clutter is the structure. So let's look at this topic further from two different perspectives the compulsive shopping and relationship trauma. Compulsive shopping buying what love didn't give. For some who experienced emotional neglect or inconsistent love, especially in early relationships, buying things can become a stand-in for receiving love the new dress, a momentary feeling of being seen, the tenth candle, a brief flicker of warmth that was missing from home. The unopened boxes, a symbol of hope that someday life will feel complete. It's not just about the object, it's the emotion. The object promises to deliver, such as beauty, comfort, status, attention and security. But the dopamine fades and the soul is left with more clutter, physical and emotional. What was once a coping mechanism becomes a cycle of unfulfilled longing. Not because the person is broken or shallow, because the trauma blueprint says if others can't choose me, maybe I can choose something that makes me feel whole. Next one relationship trauma. When the heart clutters the home.

Speaker 2:

Those who have been through toxic, codependent or narcissistic relationships often carry the debris of emotional chaos into their environment. You might find yourself holding onto objects from a painful relationship because part of you still needs to understand what happened. Or you may begin cluttering your space as a way to build walls, an unconscious signal to others and yourself this is my fortress. No one gets in easily again. Or you could hoard sentimental items that represent the idea of love, even if love itself was missing in those moments. This kind of trauma often leaves people in a push-pull with their environment. They want freedom, clarity and space, but also find comfort in the familiar chaos space, but also find comfort in the familiar chaos why? Because it mirrors the nervous system's internal state.

Speaker 2:

Here's some soul wisdom. There is nothing shameful about the coping structures we build when we didn't have the light to see the truth which was hidden in the dark corners of our minds. We must first honor, honor, honor the architect, even if it was born from fear. When we bring loving awareness to the why behind the behavior, we soften it, we open a door to redesign the blueprint, with our higher self at the helm. I say to you now you are not your clutter, nor the architecture of your trauma, dear one, you are the soul who can now redesign.

Speaker 2:

The home within Release does not mean loss. The home within Release does not mean loss. It can mean liberation. Clarity is not empty. It is space for new miracles to land and healing is not demolition, it's a sacred renovation. Therefore, you are not crazy and you are not a mess. You are not crazy and you are not a mess. You are not too much and you are not your past. Your behaviors were brilliant strategies from a time when your light was dimmed and your heart was struggling to survive, but you are not there anymore. You are not just the architect or the builder. You are now the divine homeowner and you get to decide what stays.

Speaker 2:

Let every object, every purchase, every item in your space become a question. Does this bring me into remembrance of who I truly am? Is this here because I love it or because I've been trying to feel loved? This isn't about minimalism. It's about sovereignty and making room for your future to land. In fact, it's about building a sanctuary that speaks your soul's actual name.

Speaker 2:

Suggestion here is a grounding practice to reclaiming your sacred space. I would like to suggest a grounding practice and if this technique speaks to you, go to this blog post and copy and paste the content here. Use it as often as you need. So let's try it now. Take a moment Pause, just pause, just breathe. Let this not be about fixing, but feeling. Place one hand on your heart and one on your lower belly, let's say your solar plexus, because that's your place of power. Feel the warmth of your own touch. Let it be an anchor.

Speaker 2:

Take three slow, intentional breaths. As you inhale, say to yourself in your mind or out loud I am safe now. And when you exhale, say I don't have to carry it all anymore. I am safe now. I don't have to carry it all anymore. Do that one more time. I am safe now. I don't have to carry it all anymore.

Speaker 2:

Look around the room you're in Gently, without judgment. Let your eyes land on one object, just one that stirs emotions. It could be a gift, a piece of clothing, a photo, even a pile. Ask this object or cluster. Why have I kept you? What do you remind me of? What part of me are you protecting? Then ask your soul do I still need this story? Am I ready to set something down? If yes, thank the item. Literally speak it. Thank you for serving me. Then either place it with intention or begin the process of letting it go. If no, simply honor that. This is a journey of reclaiming at a pace of love. You are not clearing clutter. You are clearing space for your soul to shine and sing again.

Speaker 2:

Judgment versus comparison. When we judge someone's mess or spending, we often do so to protect ourselves from feeling powerless. It's easier to label than to lean in with love. But if we can shift from judgment to curiosity, we can begin to ask what happened? Was your house always like this since you were a child? I'm just curious. Have you ever experienced trauma? What happened to you that made you feel safer in clutter than in clarity? What aches are you trying to soothe with that purchase? You trying to soothe with that purchase? And then we touch the humanity inside the habit with curiosity and a compassionate, open heart. That's where healing begins. So here are my suggestions.

Speaker 2:

When I was younger and I knew nothing about trauma, I was judgmental and it was wrong. I didn't know any better, but I do now. Every time I see a messy car, bedroom, house, yard or garage, I can see and feel that pain scattered everywhere and in everything. It can appear like madness or a mental illness, and in some way it is Madness at how the pain and trauma were so all-consuming that the person could no longer function, did not have the energy or desire to clean up or take care of themselves. The dark depression just swallowed them up whole and left them an empty shell, surviving, not thriving.

Speaker 2:

Walking side by side with someone you care about or love who is stuck in trauma can be traumatizing to us as well. When we stay stuck in judgment, we question what is wrong with them? Why can't I help them? They need me. We want to fix it and sometimes we can't.

Speaker 2:

As seen in the story about Sue, judgment is an ugly 3D trait of human consciousness. Compassion, patience, kindness, cooperation and yes acceptance are all gifts we can give to those we love and care about, and the hardest one to give is unconditional love, like the unconditional love I have for Sue. So my suggestion is to walk slowly by their side, because this is their journey, not yours. It is their lesson, and healing takes time. So be gentle, not pushy. Think of them as a wounded animal or child. Use a delicate tone of voice full of warmth, hope and understanding, silently sitting with them and just accepting what is can be so healing for them, because nobody wants to sit in their pile of steaming hot crap and pretend to be happy. Listen to your heart, not your ego or head that yells. Clean up your act. Stop making a fool of yourself. Just get over it. You met them and you meet them where they are on a healing journey to rebuild their life or still stuck in a pit of despair.

Speaker 2:

If this information speaks to you, share it, talk about what you learned today and be that beacon of light and love for someone in need. Census information was calling me so loudly. I've created a free meditation to support anyone. The title is clearing the inner room a meditation for meeting clutter with compassion. Listen as often as you need, especially when you're about to organize a drawer closet or take out the trash or clutter. Remember emotions are scattered everywhere and they can stir up some of the unresolved pain within us all. So be gentle and compassionate with yourself and others Until next time, in love and light. Angela Meyer and Keri Logan Bye.