Undetected Narcissist

Chatterbox: When They Will Not Stop Talking

• Angela Myer/Kerie Logan • Season 4 • Episode 102

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Have you ever left a conversation feeling completely drained, as if your life force had been siphoned through an endless one-sided monologue? This episode dives deep into the phenomenon of the chatterbox – those who dominate conversations with non-stop talking, leaving little room for genuine exchange.

Behind every chatterbox lies a story of unhealed trauma. Many developed these patterns as children when they weren't heard, when they learned performing was the only way to receive attention, or when silence felt threatening. With compassion and insight, we explore the wound roots behind excessive talking: fear of not being seen, worth tied to usefulness, trauma responses to overwhelm, and avoidance of vulnerability. For those who recognize these tendencies in themselves and want to change, consciousness is the first step toward transformation.

But what about dealing with chatterboxes who have no interest in changing? These encounters aren't merely annoying – they're energetically depleting. What appears as simple talking is actually a form of domination that overrides your nervous system and, over time, creates hypervigilance and self-doubt. We offer practical strategies for setting boundaries, including how to interrupt the pattern, use time limits, develop energetic shields, and disengage guilt-free.

The episode introduces the concept of energy vampires – those who feed on others' emotional, mental, or spiritual energy through patterns like over-talking, constant crisis creation, or making everything about themselves. After interactions with them, you might feel exhausted, anxious, foggy, or emotionally disoriented – signs of energetic depletion rather than normal interaction fatigue.

Remember this empowering truth: your silence is powerful, your boundaries are sacred, and your energy is holy. You are not a container for someone else's chaos or a vault for endless words. By honoring your needs and setting clear boundaries, you create space for authentic connection – the kind that energizes rather than depletes.

Ready to protect your energy? Visit undetectednarcissist.com to access our special 5-minute guided meditation for energetically resetting after draining conversations. Your attention is currency – spend it wisely.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist Podcast. Your host, angela Meyer, is here to bring you clarity if you are stuck in confusion, self-doubt or feel lost, without a sense of direction. This podcast is extremely different because Angela comes from a place of wisdom, compassion and has been able to forgive the unforgivable. She's a mental health professional, trauma-informed human consciousness guide and empowerment strategist. She knows one can't truly heal and recover when one is stuck in hate, anger and fear. One must rise above it, find meaning, understanding, compassion for oneself and the toxic people within our lives. This season is about self-empowerment, self-realizations and transformation. There is always a blog post supporting this information, so please visit undetectednarcissistcom so get ready to learn about yourself, others and find a way to truly live and thrive. Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Undetected Narcissist. Today we're going to talk about a chatterbox when they will not stop talking. So let me ask you this have you ever left a conversation more tired than before it started, like your life force was siphoned through an endless one-sided monologue? I have, and this episode was a special request from my chiropractor, so this is for you, deb. I know she's smiling.

Speaker 2:

Today I will unpack what happens when we encounter or have just crossed paths with a chatterbox person, as well as when someone recognizes these chatterbox tendencies and wants to change. For I do this work not just for a special cluster of people, but for everyone. Before we begin, I need to validate the experience briefly. So many people think they're being mean or impatient for feeling exhausted around this dynamic. We try to play nice and pretend to be genuinely listening, but the experience can be highly emotionally, physically and mentally draining. I want to believe that this behavior is unconscious and unintentional, rooted in childhood traumas. So I will first start this conversation with someone who recognizes these chatterbox tendencies within themselves, because at times it can be the trauma speaking, crying for help or just wanting someone to understand them better. When someone recognizes these chatterbox tendencies and wants to change. They've already taken the hardest step. They've become conscious, taken the hardest step, they've become conscious. Here's how I'd speak directly to that soul with compassion, truth and an invitation to evolve. To the chatterbox person who wants to change. First of all, thank you for your honesty. The fact that you're willing to name this part of yourself means your soul is awake and reaching for something more. That's no small thing. You're not bad, broken or doomed. You're wounded, like all of us, and your healing begins with listening. The chatterbox energy, the non-stop talking, over-explaining, dominating conversation often comes from one or more of these roots A deep fear and inner knowing that you were not being heard. As a child, your feelings were never validated or mattered to the critical person who raised you. The next one performing to feel seen or loved. Since you didn't grow up in a home environment with unconditional love, you learned that when you put on a mask and performed, it got people's attention.

Speaker 2:

Next, trying to control a conversation to avoid vulnerability. You learn through direct or indirect communication that when you or someone you love shows their vulnerable side, people get hurt. Words were weaponized and being honest and vulnerable only caused more harm than good. Next, feeling silence, because silence feels threatening or exposing. You learn in an early age that silence meant danger, always walking on eggshells or waiting for the shoe to drop. And if your caregiver or an abusive person was quiet, it meant that someone was in trouble or something bad was about to happen. You never knew if you were in trouble if someone else was, so it made you hypervigilant at times.

Speaker 2:

Next, avoiding intimacy by hiding behind constant talking. Constant talking. Since you grew up without a nurturing caregiver and hands were used as weapons instead of hands of comfort, intimacy became scary. Trust was broken at such an early age, so you built walls to protect your fragile heart. And lastly, feeling lost and confused. Why did something traumatic happen to you? This is a trauma response that many mental health professionals do not discuss or recognize. It is a trigger response because these individuals feel so lost and confused as they are trapped in the trauma loop of victimhood. As they are trapped in the trauma loop of victimhood, they are stuck in the human experience and may not yet be ready to discover the lessons that needed to be learned from those traumatic experiences. So it is a cry for help Now.

Speaker 2:

This information is for everyone, not all the toxic, you know, chatterbox individuals or the narcissistic one. So, for example, last week I had a guest stay with me for a few days as we were attending a class together. My husband liked this man, but he found him to be a chatterbox. 90% of the conversation came from him as we all sat down for dinner one night. Therefore, I agreed and I shared that it was rooted in childhood trauma and being who I am and my healing intuitive gifts to this world. People love to share their pain stories with me, so I shared with my husband his childhood pain story of why and how he became a chatterbox. I did it coming from a place of a compassionate lens. Did I share this information with my guest? The answer is no, because I got the intuitive hit that he was not ready, and that's perfectly fine. I respect everyone's timing and journey.

Speaker 2:

So let's explore each pattern with a blend of trauma-informed insight and soul wisdom, by unmasking the coping mechanisms from survival to soul, from survival to soul. One over-talking, energetic domination, shatterbox pattern. The wound root fear of not being seen because you were caught and bad things happened. Your opinion or voice doesn't matter, so you learn to avoid being hurt. That silence was your best friend to survive a harsh environment and reality control through noise became is because you are hyper vigilant and anxiety in silence because you are waiting for the shoe to drop or you are about to get a beating Soul invitation. Trust in your presence and being seen and heard. Pick your friends wisely and healing through sacred listening. If you are communicating with strangers, feel the room first. Try to read the person before you speak. Listen to their words and tone of voice. Are they kind, genuine and caring, or are they harsh, judgmental and enjoy picking on weaker people? And here's the medicine Silence as safety, because it allows you time to process and integrate. It shows that you are genuinely trying to listen instead of dominating the conversation. Embodiment practices of staying grounded, balanced and centered before you speak, and learning to feel again and trust your emotions by practicing relational attunement, emotions by practicing relational attunement. This all comes from an open heart to connect instead of the wounded parts of you that feel small, insignificant and invisible.

Speaker 2:

Number two overgiving self-sacrifice pattern. Here's the wound root Worth tied in usefulness, fawning response and childhood enmeshment. This wound I can recognize because some caregivers can force you into this role when they do not want to take responsibility as a parent. My mother did this to me when she did not want to deal with us kids, she locked herself in the bedroom. Therefore, I had to cook, clean and help raise my younger brother. Do I have resentment towards her for doing this? The answer is no. It taught me survival skills, soul initiation, reclaim boundaries. Give from overflow, not emptiness. Yes, learning boundaries was challenging because I grew up in a home that lacked boundaries, and when boundaries were established as I healed, they often clashed, but you must align with courage and your truth. Boundaries are designed to keep us safe and give us peace of mind. And then here's the medicine Somatic no value without service and conscious receiving. I have learned this key phrase that saved my sanity, time, money and energy. Instead of saying yes or no, I say let me think about it. Then I factor in the rest when I'm alone.

Speaker 2:

Number three emotional shutdown, freeze, numbness, detachmentachment, wound, root, trauma, response to overwhelm or chronic invalidation. This is a challenging one to heal and it takes a lot of patience and compassion. The nervous system learned to shut down to survive because the traumatic events were too much for the body to handle. It ties into the episode I did about window of tolerance, where I discuss hypoarousal, soul imitation, reconnect to the body without flooding. Your nervous system needs to learn that the world and the people around you are now safe, caring and nurturing. You most likely have an avoidant or disorganized attachment style. As you heal, your attachment style might shift from avoidant to anxious and eventually secure. And here's the medicine Gently re-enter, you know, through sensation. Do inner child safety and nervous system repair.

Speaker 2:

Number four spiritual bypassing wound root, avoiding pain by ascending too quickly into anger or the shame spiral, jumping to conclusions without all the facts and creating a false sense of identity over shadow integration. If you recognize these tendencies in yourself, I recommend listening to the following episodes Hot Anger vs Cold Anger, the Shame and Shutdown Response and Window of Tolerance to learn about hypopo arousal and see if these patterns exist within yourself. These episodes can be highly supportive. Most likely, these individuals can be hot-headed, toxic, narcissistic, dangerous to themselves and others and unkind. When they get trauma triggered, words can be weaponized, sentimental items can become destroyed and fists can come flying. There is a great deal of rage and unprocessed negative emotions that have been stuffed down their entire life.

Speaker 2:

Here's the soul invitation Shadow integration, sacred embodiment and truth in mesh. If we can step out of the human experience and realize we are all here on earth to learn lessons, your soul will be able to find the diamonds within the truthful, messy crap you experienced and survived. And here's the medicine Honor all emotions as divine, embrace both and grounded spiritually. The vibrational frequency of 250 is all about embodying the emotional states of being grounded, balanced and centered and coming back home to yourself. Meditation or being out in nature can be a fantastic form of sacred medicine for the soul. So learn to step out of the anger and redirect yourself.

Speaker 2:

Reduction is essential. Correct yourself. Reduction is essential. Redirection is essential or you will be stuck in the automatic pilot of doing the same old harm to yourself and others. That is why self-awareness is critical for transformation.

Speaker 2:

Did I shift your perspective about these types of people? Transformation Did I shift your perspective about these types of people? It can be heartbreaking because these people were innocent children just trying to survive. So the question becomes, if we dive deeper within ourselves would be what's the silence trying to show you? What am I afraid others will see if I stop talking? My insecurities, deep inner sadness or my low self-confidence? Have I healed and integrated my inner child yet? What childhood pain stories and wounds do I need to heal and learn from? What can I do for myself today to feel seen and loved without involving another person, and can I do this daily to rebuild my sense of self-worth and self-acceptance? Can I practice having a conversation where I learn to pass the ball rather than dominating the conversation by holding onto it and never passing it? Can I start to practice feeling okay with moments of silence when I'm around others? Why am I avoiding intimacy and what is that avoidance here to teach me? Can I let my trauma pain story go or are there lessons I'm not ready to learn because I'm still stuck in anger and resentment? And lastly, do I use my pain story and trauma to seek sympathy and attention when I dominate a conversation? I am here to help, not harm. So here's my advice.

Speaker 2:

One, practice sacred pauses Before speaking. Take one breath. Ask yourself before you speak is this for connection or control? Lastly, silence isn't rejection. It's an imitation to feel. Allow yourself to feel instead of suppressing your emotions by controlling the conversation. Two, get curious, not controlling Instead of performing. Ask questions. People appreciate it when you show genuine interest in them. For example, try asking the person how did that make you feel? Or tell me more about your experience. And lastly, let others lead the conversation sometimes. And lastly, let others lead the conversation sometimes. Trust that you're still valuable even when you're not in the spotlight.

Speaker 2:

Number three heal the inner child who had to shout to be seen. Guided inner child work is powerful here. About 80% of my clients I work with eventually need some form of inner child healing and integration. Why it is essential is that there is a part of you that may have once felt invisible or unsafe unless you were talking, performing or pleasing. It was a survival mechanism and there is zero shame in that truth. We all do what we must to survive. So when you do inner child work, you show them they are safe now, they can rest, they are loved, without needing to explain anything. This is a beautiful gift we are giving to ourselves and the people in our lives.

Speaker 2:

Number four apologize with integrity, not shame. If you recognize moments where you're dominating conversations, you can say I realize I talked a lot just now. I'm working on making space for others and I'd really love to hear your thoughts too. That takes courage and the person will truly appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. Also, this builds trust and shows self-awareness, not shame. And lastly, number five, not shame. And lastly, number five, let stillness teach you. Through meditation, body scans and somatic work, you can cultivate a sense of safety within yourself. The more at home you are within, the less you'll need to seek safety and protection through talking. And here's my final message you don't need to perform to be loved, and you don't need to dominate to be heard. In fact, your presence is powerful, even in silence. So remember this truth You're not broken, you're becoming.

Speaker 2:

Now let's shift gears. Who is the chatterbox? Narcissistic or toxic person who doesn't want to change or believes there's nothing wrong with them? These types of narcissistic or toxic people aren't always overtly cruel, but they are energetically draining their primary weapon Words, lots of them All the Time. They Dominate every conversation. Don't listen, only wait to speak. Love hearing themselves talk, especially about themselves. Ignore your boundaries, interruptions or signals. Use endless monologues to control attention and emotional space. Over time, they don't just talk over you, they erase you. So let's talk about the energetic mechanisms. We're going to break down why this kind of behavior is so harmful, even though it may seem harmless. Here are some key points to cover and understand. It's not communication, it's domination in disguise.

Speaker 2:

Narcissistic over-talking is a form of control, not connection. It overrides your nervous system, not connection. It overrides your nervous system, forces you into freeze, fawn or flight mode. You stop sharing your truth because there's no room left. The inner impact and what it does to your soul. Over time it creates hypervigilance, always bracing for the next word storm Silence, always bracing for the next word, storm Silence. They silence your inner voice. It trains you to feel invisible, unimportant or selfish for having needs.

Speaker 2:

When you have a business that is designed to heal, not harm, and you meet one of these types of people, it can be highly challenging. You want to help them, but they will not stop talking. The clock is ticking and time can run out. You haven't even started to help them and they won't stop venting or complaining. What do you do? How can you keep your composure, respect the next client waiting and remain professional? So here I am. I want to help you learn how to handle a narcissistic or toxic chatterbox.

Speaker 2:

Here's where the empowerment lands Practical and spiritual tips. A Interrupt the Pattern Practice saying I'm going to pause you there. I want to speak too and I need space for that. Or, if they interrupt you speaking, say Please allow me to finish speaking. When I get interrupted. It hurts my feelings, so let me continue speaking, please. This takes courage, confidence and practice. B Use time limits.

Speaker 2:

Say I have about 5 or 10 minutes to chat. I want to share what's been going on with me as well. I will keep this brief and go first, as I know you have a lot more to say and our time is important. Or you can say can we both share what's going on? I have a few things to say that might interest you. C Energetic shields.

Speaker 2:

Before entering a conversation, visualize a gold mesh over your ears that filter out noise, but let truth pass through. Or imagine a divine mute button you can press internally. I will explain why. When I discuss energy vampires. D Stop over explaining Chatterboxes rarely hear what you mean, just what you say.

Speaker 2:

Speak briefly, speak clearly, then disengage. E Disengage guilt-free. Here's what you can say. I'm going to step away now. I have other obligations that are time sensitive. We can connect again at a later date and time. Or, if you are feeling courageous, you can say this this conversation doesn't feel mutual and I need to honor my energy. That's not rude, it's revolutionary, but it might trigger someone. So stay mindful. And lastly, number five spiritual insight. These souls are often terrible and terrified of silence, because in silence they have to face their own emptiness. Their noise is armor, but you are not here to be the stage for someone else's avoidance. You are here to be fully met, fully seen and fully respected.

Speaker 2:

So what is an energy vampire? An energy vampire is someone who feeds on your emotional, mental or spiritual energy, often unconsciously, leaving you feeling drained, disoriented or small after interacting with them. They may not suck your blood, but they absolutely siphon your light. They operate through patterns like over-talking without listening, constant crisis creation, drama, addiction, guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation, passive-aggressive jabs and chronic complaining, fishing for attention, validation or pity making everything about them and, lastly, ignoring your boundaries, time and space. Not all energy vampires are narcissistic, but many narcissists are energy vampires. Many narcissists are energy vampires. So let's explore what it feels like to be around one.

Speaker 2:

After interacting with an energy vampire, you may feel exhausted, even if you didn't do anything, physically demanding, anxious, heavy foggy or emotionally disoriented, like your own thoughts or needs were completely overridden, guilty for wanting space even though you know you need it. And, lastly, invisible or hyper aware of how your need to show up for them. This is not normal interaction fatigue. It's energetic depletion. Now let's explore why they drain us spiritually and psychologically Energy vampires are often people who have deeper inner voids and they refuse to feel Seek external energy because they're disconnected from their own soul source.

Speaker 2:

They lack self-regulation and depend on others to emotionally regulate them. And, lastly, they mistake control, chaos or attention for connection At a soul level, attention for connection At a soul level. They've forgotten how to source from within, so they unconsciously feed on others to feel full Spiritual insight how the soul responds. Your soul is sensitive, wise. It feels when something is off. Even if your mind hasn't caught up, you might feel the need to withdraw. Set firm boundaries, limit access, cleanse your field afterwards. This is your intuition. An energy body protecting you, trust it. Are you still confused? Let's explore how to know if you're dealing with one. Ask yourself these questions Do I feel smaller, heavier or more self-critical after interacting with this person? Do I feel like I'm always giving but rarely receiving? Do I feel like I'm being subtly controlled or manipulated through emotion and guilt? Do I constantly need to recover after seeing them? If yes, it's likely an energetic vampire dynamic. And remember, this can happen with co-workers, friends, spiritual teachers, parents, siblings and even lovers.

Speaker 2:

Energy vampires are everywhere, especially in environments where empathy is high and boundaries are low, opposites attract. Serving as our teacher to learn how to set boundaries and protect our energy. Final soul truth not everyone deserves full access to your field. Your energy is sacred. It is not selfish to protect it. In fact, it is not cruel to walk away from people who drain you. It is wise and it is holy.

Speaker 2:

I want to offer everyone a closing short empowerment riff when dealing with these energy vampires, because you don't owe your sacred attention to anyone who treats your ears like a dumping ground. Your energy is not disposable and your presence is a gift. Let your silence become a boundary and your voice become a sword. Empowerment Rift. You are not a container for someone else's chaos, for someone else's chaos. You are not a container for someone else's chaos. Remember your boundaries, because you are not a vault for endless words. You are not a dumping ground for recycled stories and self-obsession. You are a sovereign being, a sacred presence, a being of breath, silence, stillness and sound. When someone fills every space with noise, that's not connection, that's consumption. You get to interrupt the spell. In fact, you get to say enough. You get to walk away without guilt, without explanation, without apology, because your attention is a currency and you're no longer spending it on overdrawn egos.

Speaker 2:

Let the over talkers talk to their own emptiness. You will commune with truth If necessary. You will speak when there's something real to say. You will listen to your own body first and you will choose peace over performance. Remember this truth your silence is powerful, your boundaries are sacred and your energy holy, untouchable, divinely protected. I have a gift for everyone. Because your time and peace of mind are essential, I have created a five-minute guided meditation to help you energetically reset after a draining conversation. Help you energetically reset after a draining conversation. If your employer gives you a 10 to 15 minute break twice a day, use that time to recharge yourself and listen to this guided meditation. If you're about to enter an engagement with someone, use this right before and even after. It's a gift you give to yourself. So until next time, in love and light. Angela Meyer, keri Logan, have a great day. Bye.