Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

It's Time to Let Go

August 15, 2022 • Sher • Episode 19

Letting go of anything can be challenging especially when it comes to relationships. It can be even more difficult when you’ve been living in a chaotic, toxic relationship for a long period of time. The thought of it all suddenly going quiet can be a little overwhelming. Letting go is finality and you have to mean it.

Welcome to the dontbeacrumqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

In this episode I’m going to talk about “It’s Time to Let Go”. While that can pertain to multiple areas in our life, I’m going to share some thoughts on finally letting go when it comes to your relationship with the narcissist.

There are steps to letting go. Initially, the relationship dissolves. If you ended the relationship, you had gradually reached the place where you were ready to get out. You had slowly been letting go along the way. If it was the narcissist who ended things first, it may have caught you off guard and letting go will be more of a struggle.

Once you complete that step, now begins the Journey through the emotional piece. Regardless of who ended the relationship first, you’re going to run the gambit on the emotional scale. You’ll feel fear, anxiety, anger, depression and even grief. Although you may feel relieved on one hand to have broken free from a toxic, abusive relationship, you are still going to grieve what you thought was a lifetime commitment. No one likes to admit failure even if you had just cause for ending the relationship. It’s never easy to acknowledge the fact that this abusive person, who claimed to have loved you at one time, ultimately rejected you. It’s down right painful.

Everything you’re feeling is completely normal, trust me.

Acceptance is really the key to letting go of a past relationship and the memories that come along with it. Accepting the fact that no matter how you felt in the beginning with this person, it didn’t survive the long haul. You may think you “loved” that person at one point in time but our definition of love changes over time. True Love deepens over time, it doesn’t fade. It’s honest and vulnerable and it listens. It is self-sacrificing and it’s from the Heart. It is not manipulative, punishing or belittling. Accepting the Truth about a relationship gone bad is not easy. It’s necessary.

Even though the relationship fell apart, you’ll find yourself reflecting about your life with them. It’s normal. This will be the biggest challenge of letting go. When you replay the scenarios over and over again in your head, you’re not allowing yourself to move forward. The truth is, it was a toxic relationship and it doesn’t matter how it got there, it did. You may not understand why, and you can’t change what happened, so own what is yours and use it for your own personal growth. Hold onto the lesson, not the fantasy.

While memories of that relationship (good or bad) are not going to be erased, how much time you dwell on them can impact your “here and now”. We have a tendency to build up memories and make them seem better than they actually were while forgetting the negative parts which destroyed the relationship. Don’t live so much in your past that you’re forgetting to live in the present. No one wants to feel like they are competing with a ghost from your past.

When there’s been past trauma in a relationship there will also be fear of repeating it in the next one. I know that held true for me. We hold onto those experiences to the point where trusting your own intuition can be scary. You’re thinking “well, I didn’t get it right before so how do I know this one is right?” Being aware of your own history (even back to your childhood) will give you a better understanding of the patterns you may be repeating. We tend to gravitate towards what is familiar even if it causes us stress or pain. It’s going to take a great deal of honesty and self-awareness to change the learned behaviors you’ve developed over time.

It’s time to let go and rebuild anew. Everything you experienced has brought you to this place in time. So, cut the cords that have kept you bound to past relationships and begin to focus on YOU and your future.

Follow me in the next episode where I’ll talk about “How a Narcissist Uses Guilt”. I hope you tune in!