The Root of Rejection

In this episode I’m going to talk about “The Root of Rejection”.  This is a topic that unfortunately, we can ALL relate to.  Everyone, at some point in time in their life, has suffered rejection.  

It is defined as dismissal, refusal, non-acceptance, declining, shutting out or the spurning of a person’s affections.  All of which are hurtful and detrimental.

Transcript

Welcome to the dontbeacrumqueen podcast.  My name is Sher and I’m your host.

In this episode I’m going to talk about “The Root of Rejection”.  This is a topic that unfortunately, we can ALL relate to.  Everyone, at some point in time in their life, has suffered rejection.  

It is defined as dismissal, refusal, non-acceptance, declining, shutting out or the spurning of a person’s affections.  All of which are hurtful and detrimental.

The way we experience that rejection varies and so does the damage it leaves behind.  Feeling rejected by a parent is definitely one of the deepest forms.  After all, they are supposed to care for and protect you.  When they shut you down or dismiss you (whether it’s intentional or not), it crushes a piece of your soul for a very long time.  

The pain of rejection from a spouse is also quite devastating and maybe even more so when it’s coupled with narcissistic abuse.  Not only do they reject WHO you are but there is an element of cruel destruction involved.  They actually want to see you crumble.  You falling, benefits their rising.  

Regardless of WHO the rejection came from, it can leave you feeling defective, unwanted and unlovable.  Enduring rejection for long periods of time (like years) can shred your “womanhood” or your “manhood” and it will require some healing to feel whole again.  You don’t just “get over it”.  If it doesn’t get resolved though, you will continue to bring it forward throughout your life.  

As adults, there are usually two ways we cope with such rejection.  The first is we search for that love, affection, and approval in another.  We gravitate toward someone who will fill that hole and make us feel valued, important and wanted.  It’s our definition of love.  The problem is that the relationship is starting out unbalanced.  Each person is relying on the other in an unhealthy way.   Chances of its survival for the long haul are slim and once again, rejection is at your doorstep.

The second way we cope is by developing self-protective mechanisms to bury the pain.  Living without encouragement, acceptance and unconditional love leaves you feeling distrustful of the motives of others.    Using these mechanisms keeps you from ever giving yourself selflessly to another.  You believe in the romantic fantasy of loving someone but not the reality.  Vulnerability is not an option.  You appear to emotionally commit but you don’t, not all the way.  It’s simply too dangerous.  You’re fearful that if they really know who you are, they will reject you.  You tell yourself it will hurt less because you didn’t share all of your heart.  You detach.  You build walls.  You stay in your safe place.  

Understanding where your rejection is rooted is the first step in changing the way you see life.  As you begin to loosen your grip on the lie that you are unacceptable, you will begin to see yourself through the eyes of acceptance.  YOUR acceptance. Whatever “failures” you’ve had in life, doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough or unlovable.  It simply means there was an opportunity for learning and growth that you could only glean through that experience.

We will continue to encounter some form of rejection throughout our lifetime but it’s HOW we respond to it that determines whether we remain a victim or become an overcomer.  

Life is continually teaching and we are forever learning.  

Join me in the next episode as I talk about “Overcoming Fear”.  I hope you tune in!