Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

When Relationships Fail

November 14, 2022 • Sher • Episode 29

In this episode, I’m going to talk about “When Relationships Fail”. Although we have many different kinds of relationships in our life, the break-ups I’m referring to are those that involve the heart. It doesn’t matter if it was a romantic relationship or a marriage, it hurts when it ends.

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumbqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

Relationships aren’t always easy especially when we’re in them for the wrong reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons usually aren’t visible to us in the beginning and if they are, we chose not to see them. Relationships fail for a litany of reasons like getting married too young, manipulation and control issues, taking each other for granted, selfishness, buried resentment and so on.

If we’re honest with ourselves, the person we picked in the failed relationship(s) was usually someone we settled for, someone we rescued or saved; or someone who caused us to be blind to the red flags. In each of those situations, only pieces of us were being fulfilled. The broken pieces….and we called it love.

We don’t like to admit it but by the time a relationship fails, there has been trouble in paradise for quite a while. You’ve felt it. One of you is drifting away and one of you is trying to hang on. Nothing is worse than someone no longer feeling the same way about you. Their attention and affection have gone in a different direction and you can’t get it back, no matter how hard you try. At your absolute best, you still won’t be enough for the wrong person. You just can’t make someone Love you. Yes, we stay with the wrong people…until we can’t.

As difficult as it is to face the fact that a relationship has come to an end, it can also be a beautiful beginning. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. I know it’s not easy to be alone but if you don’t take the time to focus on YOU and self-reflect after a break-up, your past issues will be brought forward into the new relationship. Remember, loneliness is NEVER a good reason to begin a relationship. While the distraction of meeting someone new who is giving you the attention and affection you so desperately desired feels good, it won’t last. It can’t last. It’s not built on something healthy.

Experiencing a wrong relationship can prepare you for the right one, however, if you don’t take the time to be on your own for a while after a break-up, this process may take a few trips around the same mountain until the lesson is learned. If we let it, the pain from a broken relationship fine tunes us. We develop an understanding of how we deserve to be treated and how important reciprocity is in a relationship. Our definition of Love has changed. We will no longer compromise. Not this time.

The good news is that you will survive a failed relationship. It might hurt like hell right now if you’re in the midst of it, but you’ll come out on the other side. Realizing you can land on your feet and you’re even better for it, you’ll no longer fear losing a relationship because you know you’ll be OK. You see the Blessing in the failure.

I can honestly say (although I wouldn’t want to go through it again) that I’m grateful for my failed marriage. What I have gained in return is a hundred-fold. My standards for a relationship drastically changed after my divorce and so did my discernment. I had my eyes wide open this time and I wasn’t letting my heart lead. I was following my head. That led me to experience True Love with an amazing man. What I have with him I never had with anyone else. Beauty really does come out of ashes.

If you are going through a break-up or have recently gone through a break-up my heart goes out to you. Nothing is more painful. But this is an incredible opportunity to find out who you really are so use the time wisely. You’re not looking for a repeat. You deserve the RIGHT relationship with the RIGHT person. Remember….Healthy attracts Healthy!