Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors: Shatter Limiting Beliefs - Redefine Success - Chase Big Dreams
The #1 Secret to playing a Bigger Game in your Life!
Apr 29, 2024
Erica Rooney
Are you dog-gone tired? Feeling crushed under the relentless pressure of your ever-expanding to-do list? If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Today, I'm diving into the world of unrealistic expectations and the relentless pursuit of "having it all."
In this episode we cover:
How to redefine success on your OWN terms
What having "it all" really means and how it can impact you
Shedding the SHOULDS - the imposed values
The power of establishing your own set of CORE values
My tried and true method to discover your Core Values RIGHT NOW
Are you dog-gone tired? Feeling crushed under the relentless pressure of your ever-expanding to-do list? If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Today, I'm diving into the world of unrealistic expectations and the relentless pursuit of "having it all."
In this episode we cover:
How to redefine success on your OWN terms
What having "it all" really means and how it can impact you
Shedding the SHOULDS - the imposed values
The power of establishing your own set of CORE values
My tried and true method to discover your Core Values RIGHT NOW
Are you doggone tired? No. Seriously. Are you suffocating under the weight of your to-do list? And let's talk about those to-do lists. How many are there? Do you have one for your personal, your kids, your dog, your partner, your job, your church, or maybe another group that you might be a part of? Does it feel exasperating when you end up moving items from one to do list to another. Now I know how that can feel. And you know what I really hope about how you feel. I really hope that you feel tired of feeling that way, because once you are fed up with something, you recognize that there must be a better way and you can become committed to changing that. Because you were made for more than just a, to do list filled with never-ending tasks, you are worthy of more. Now I found that when we get stuck in chasing all the things that we have to do as a wife, a mom, and a professional that we barely have any time for ourselves. And it wasn't until I was suffocating under the weight of unrealistic expectations of the sheds of what I thought I had to do to have it all that I realized this is total crap. And I found a way to change. Now, today, I'm going to share with you how we can redefine success on our own terms. Break free from the comparison trap and live a life in alignment. Doesn't that sound nice. You were listening to the glass ceiling and sticky floor podcast. The podcast that will empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. So you can live your best life. I'm Erica Rooney and I'm on a mission to bring more women into positions of power and keep them there. I'm obsessed with all things, growth and abundance. And I'm here to talk to you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an ear, but, and let's dive in. Okay, listen up. We are living in a generation where we as women have a lot more freedom than ever before. It's sad, but it's true. If you go back just one generation. Career options were limited. Board meetings were held in strip clubs. Women had to dress in skirts and pantyhose if they worked and let's face it, they were meant to stay home with the kids and cook a good meal. The dream life. Was to be a stay at home, mom and women, or supposed to be thrilled, thrilled with serving their kids in their husbands. Now, thankfully. That has changed and women fought hard for their right to vote and to be treated equally. All right. All right. We are still fighting that good fight. But our mothers and our grandmothers told us that we could have it all the family and the career. How lucky were we? And I want to be clear. They weren't wrong. I am so grateful for the women before me that laid the groundwork so that I could show up and follow my dreams. But here is where we stopped short. We did not adjust our definition of it all or how it all was achieved. So instead of stopping for a moment saying, Hey, I work outside the home and honey, you do too. Why don't we split the responsibilities. We just took on more and more and more and more and more. Because well, we're super women. We didn't want others to think that we couldn't have it all and do it all. But the truth is we can't have it all in the traditional sense. It's impossible to be that mom who stays home all day keeps us Barkley clean house has fresh baked cookies at the end of the day, after volunteering at the school and be a bad-ass executive. There just isn't enough hours or energy in the day for one person to do all of that. There's this social narrative that is exacerbated by social media. If you ask me of the perfect family life, the perfect marriage and this continued career success. And I'm not saying that you can't have it all. I'm really not because I don't believe that. I believe that you can have it all. I believe I have it all, but I believe that you have to redefine what it all means to you. And you have to do it on a consistent basis to be successful, happy, and fulfilled. If you don't, you end up burnt out, strung out and hung out to dry all. Now I will never forget the pivotal moment where this really smacked me in the face. And it was almost two years ago to the day. My daughter was turning four and we were having a family party. I had spent hours putting everything together. The decorations, the party bags. I was ordering the food, having the perfect cake, making sure it all looked perfect and everything ready to go for her little friends and our family. And the piece de resistance. I had this huge unicorn balloon. That was two times the size of my daughter and she loved it. It was magnificent. Now, somehow I had managed to pull it all off while having a full-time job. Everything was set up, ready to go. And I had about an hour to do the finishing touches when I heard y'all what sounded like a gun going off in my mudroom. You guessed it, the balloon popped and then chaos, ensued, tears, screaming, crying. Okay. Now a normal person would say, it's a balloon, no big deal. They drive the tears on their kid and distract them with some other shiny object on their birthday party day. But what did I do? Well, I had to have the perfect party y'all, which meant I had to have the perfect decorations, which meant this goddamn unicorn balloon was going to be at the party. So I loaded up my four year old and with one hour left, I drove 20 minutes to the balloon store. And y'all, it was a Saturday and that balloon store was busy. So I ended up waiting. And waiting and waiting. And my anxiety grew and it grew, and it grew as the minutes ticked by. And I started mentally recalibrating. Everything I'd have to do and everything I needed to do before everyone got there. And how could I accommodate everything in now? A shorter amount of time. And as the clock ticked on, I started to sweat and I started to pace and I started to get really anxious and nervous. And finally, 20 minutes later, balloon in hand a shoving it into the SUV. I sped home flying over the speed limit to unload this stupid balloon so that the party could be a success. Y'all I know this is ridiculous. I know, but it is the perfect example of when we let ourselves get carried away with what success looks like. Now, here we are two years later. And do you think she remembers that balloon heck now she does not, but I remember the joy that I robbed myself of the day of that party, because I just had to have that damn balloon. Now here's where I got stuck. And looking back, this is super easy to analyze, of course, but in the moment, very, very challenging. And totally worth sharing. I was stuck on the unrealistic expectation of what a successful party would look like. Yes. I was also stuck in perfectionism, but my definition of a successful party was hinging on this unicorn balloon. And y'all success is subjective. I promise you everyone else at that party thought the party was a success. It was only me that was concerned about that balloon. And because success is subjective. It can be redefined. So, how do we redefine success when we have been conditioned for decades, that it has to be this traditional idea of having it all? Well, I'm gonna tell you that starts with defining what it all means to you. To me. It all means I'm happy. It doesn't mean I make a certain salary or that I drive the best car. It means that when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I feel good about myself, about the decisions that I made that day and about how I showed up at work and for my family and my kids. Success means that I'm living in alignment with my core values, growth, health, and wellness, encourage. And if at the end of the day, I've done something to grow my mind. It's a success. If I've done something to move my body and fuel it with the nutrients, it needs to thrive. It's a success. And if I've done something that took courage for me to do, like stepping outside of my comfort zone, you guessed it. It's a success. That's it? That is my definition of success. My definition of it all. Here's what having it all does not mean for me. It does not mean an empty email inbox, although I damn sure have tried. It does not mean going to every single kid activity at the expense of my mental health. And it does not mean being busy every goddamn second of the day. It means feeling rested. It means my anxiety is low and I feel good. It means I sleep well at night. It means my kids are safe and feel loved. And it means that I have connection with my husband. You know what it doesn't mean? Having a four-foot unicorn balloon at a party. So if you're struggling with the crushing weight of these expectations, either put on you by society, by your boss or by your own damn self, here's what you need to do. I need you to head to my website, www dot Erica Anderson, granny.com. And I want you to download my core values worksheet. I have listed out so many core values from you to choose from. And I want you to print this sheet off and follow these directions. First, I want you to cross off anyone's that don't resonate with you. This is the easy part because they jump out and you're like, Nope, not for me. But I want you to cross off as many as possible because in the end you are going to only have three to five core values. So don't go light with that red pen. Just start crossing them off. Second circle, any that you feel are very important. This is also easy because it sticks out. I like to use another color for this, like a purple or a blue or green something, a little calming. But once you've done that. Pick up that red pen again and start crossing off three at a time. Even the ones you've circled. Until you can whittle it down to about 10 core values. Now I've already told you that you're going to end with only three to five core values. I prefer three, but some people just can't pair it down that far and that's fine. But the next step I want you to take is this high level view. And I want you to look and see if you can combine any of these core values that are similar in nature. Now, for example, health and fitness are both listed. Health is one fitness as the other. Now both of those have a theme that you can combine them together, and then you define them in a way that works for you. So we're going to go into that definition piece in a second, but for now, just see what you can group together. How many do you have now? If you don't have three to five yet, I want you to pick that red pen back up and cross off some more. Now, listen, I know this can be hard. No one wants to cross off words like excellence or ethical or generous, but that might not be your top priority. If you're struggling to prioritize them, stack rank them in order of importance and then really evaluate the ones that are at the bottom. Just because excellence is not a core value of mine. Does not mean that I don't believe in doing excellent work. It just means it's not a top core value. It also means that at times I may put something out that is slightly less than stellar, but it took courage for me to do it. And guess what? You already know, courage is one of my core values. You see how that took precedence? Now once you've narrowed it down and you have your three to five core values yet. I want you to pat yourself on the dang back. That was not easy. It's actually a lot harder than people think it is. But if you grabbed the core value worksheet, the second page is a definition sheet. And I give you a place to write out your three to five core values, and then also a definition of what it means to you. Now I'm not talking about pulling up the Webster dictionary, although that can be helpful if you want to get a starting point. I'm talking about how does this word apply to your life? How will you use this word to be your guiding light? So here's my example. I'll use health and wellness. When I'm really dreading a workout, I'll ask myself, is this what a healthy person would do? Well, my definition of health and wellness is this protecting my physical health and mental wellbeing at all times. So it might mean skipping a workout. If I need to prioritize sleep. It might mean taking rest day or if I've skipped my workout two days in a row. It might mean prioritizing movement over the laundry, but that's my definition. For me, courage means doing the thing that scares me and stepping outside of my comfort zone. That might mean putting my digital course out to the world or talking about my addiction to alcohol with others, or it might be having the courage to say no to something I really want to do, but I know that I don't have the time. You see how that ties in with my mental health. Core values are personal. And no one definition works for all people, which is why it is so important that everyone do this exercise. So again, head to my website or click the link in the show notes to download my core values list and my corresponding definition sheet and establish your three to five core values. And what the specific definition is for you. Many people think that core values don't change over time, but I'm here to tell you, I do think that they can grow and adapt with you as a person. Now, before I stepped into this new iteration of me, courage was not one of my core values, but accomplishment was, and guess what? Life changed for me? I had kids, I got married. I wanted more out of life. So I don't subscribe that you were married to these core values forever, but they are your values for right now. But how these tie in and become the number one. Secret to playing bigger in your life. Is in this next step. Taking a real in-depth look at your imposed values. Imposed values are the sheds. I should act this way. If I'm a good mom, I should show up this way as a leader. I should, I should. I should. Well guess what girl? No, you shouldn't. I want you to take time and think about, have there been moments that you did something someone else wanted you to do, but went against what your intuition, your gut, your dreams, or your desires were telling you to do. Did you marry your college sweetheart? Because you should be married by 26, even though you weren't sure he was the one. Did you take a job in a field? That was a safe one, but it wasn't one that lit you up inside because you should pick a stable career. Those imposed values are causing you grief. They're causing you anxiety and they're keeping you stuck. Now, I want you to remember if you are living in the land of the shows, which we all have done it from time to time, because that is what having it all means to you. I want you to remember that it is never, ever, ever too late to become who you might've been. And it's never too late to change the course of your life. When you stop and redefine what it all means to you guess what. You get to have it all. When you stop and evaluate your core values and how living in alignment with those core values. It brings you closer and closer to having it all. And then you start to align your actions with your dreams and with your intentions. You stopped living in the shadow of other people's expectations. And you start living. Your dream life. And that my friend. That is the number one secret to playing bigger in your life. That is the secret to having it all. Now in alignment with my core value of growth and courage, I have something that I am super, super, super excited to share with you. My first ever digital course is underway and I am opening up a huge, huge, massive discount. To anyone who signs up before May 10th. This course is called re-imagined at all the personal and professional playbook for ambitious women. You will learn how to make your own success, master your time and unlock a new level of potential with my science back system that is designed to add value to your life. Not things to your to-do list. Seriously, do not miss out on this steal of a deal because I'm going to raise the price to full price. After May 10th, there will be no exceptions. The link is in the show notes. I cannot wait to see you there. Now thank you for tuning in and listening to the glass ceiling and sticky floor podcast. If you haven't already dropped that five star review, do it today. Make sure you're signing up for my email list. If you sign up for this core values worksheet that we talked about today, you'll automatically be on the list, but don't forget to jump over to my socials, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Tik TOK. I dropped some really amazing freebies over there. And you don't want to miss out. But until next time, remember this. The only ceilings that exist are the ones we place over ourselves. Let's smash through them together.