The Story I've Never Told: My Mental Health Crisis

For 230 episodes, I've referenced my "kitchen floor moment" without telling you the full story. After interviewing psychologist Kimberly Stevens about transforming her grief into purpose, I realized: if I'm asking therapists to be brave enough to step outside broken systems, I need to be brave enough to tell you why it matters so much to me.

This is the story of my suicide attempt, the months after, and the moment on my kitchen floor—with my young son's hand on my shoulder—that changed everything.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of suicide attempt, suicidal ideation, and mental health crisis. Please listen when you feel ready and have support available.

If you're a therapist who's ever felt like the system is breaking you, this episode is for you.

Here's what I cover:

• What therapist burnout actually feels like: panic attacks before every clinic day, doom scrolling between clients, the impossible math of being a new mum with a medically complex child while maintaining a full caseload
• The resentment that builds when you're holding everyone else's pain with nowhere to put down your own
• Living with undiagnosed autism and ADHD while trying to function as a "successful" psychologist
• The day I attempted suicide—and why surviving didn't immediately fix anything
• The kitchen floor moment: my son's hand on my shoulder asking if I was okay, and the realization that changed everything
• The shame of being a psychologist who couldn't keep her own mental health together, and the terror of being found "incompetent"
• The 18-month transition from full clinical load to zero: how I strategically reduced complexity, raised fees, and built coaching alongside clinical work
• Why leaving traditional practice felt like professional suicide but staying felt like actual suicide

3 Powerful Takeaways:

1. Therapist burnout isn't a personal failing—it's a system failure. If you're struggling, you're not broken. The system we were trained in hasn't caught up with the demands of modern practice. The guilt, shame, and isolation you feel? You're not alone.

2. Surviving a crisis isn't the same as healing. I got help after my attempt. I went to therapy. But I was still having panic attacks for months because I was still in the same impossible life. Real change required changing the system I was working in, not just managing symptoms.

3. You don't need permission to build something different. Leaving traditional practice doesn't mean you're abandoning people. It means you're choosing to help people in a way that doesn't require you to be on a kitchen floor to admit something has to change.

If You're Struggling Right Now:

You are not alone.

Crisis Support:

• Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988

💻 Resources & Links:

📩 Join the Incubator Waitlist: therapistsrising.com/incubator
 

More From Dr. Hayley Kelly:

📱 Follow on Instagram: @dr.hayleykelly for insights on therapist innovation and building sustainable practices

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If this episode made you feel less alone or gave you permission to consider a different path—please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review. Your words help us reach more therapists who need to hear: You're not broken. The system is. And there's another way.

Thanks for tusting me with your time. I see you. I've been you. You're not alone.

Thanks for tuning in to Therapists Rising!