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Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, I assure you. But here, our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. especially during these past two years. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. And Talking Toddlers, this podcast helps you develop that with clarity, confidence and clear communication. So let's get started. Hello, and welcome back to Talking Toddlers. I'm Erin Heyer, your host, a speech-language pathologist with 35 years of practice on the floor with the kids, with the parents, with educators, encouraging purposeful engagement with the kids because that's how they learn best. And today's episode, number four, is called Brains Are Built, Not Born, because I think it's really important that all the adults in a young toddler's life, in a baby's life, because we all know that it starts in utero, but These first three years really needs to focus on helping and guiding that little guy or gal to build language from the bottom up. Because you'll hear me say over and over and over again, speech and language laid the foundation to lifelong learning. That means parents and caregivers are building this little baby, this toddler's human relationships, helping them make neuro connections so they can relate to others and beyond. So early speech and language lay the foundation for attention, memory, organization, problem solving skills, human curiosity, all of that is built upon these early, early neural connection networking through speech and language and life experiences. So keep in mind that human babies, those little tiny creatures that come into this beautiful world of ours, or at least this exciting world, We're designed to acquire speech and language. And that phrase has been used for eons in my industry, that it's speech and language acquisition. And what that really means, if you look it up in the dictionary, to acquire something is gained by one's own efforts. So that really does... I think, bode well with those first three years. So although the little baby, the toddler, is what I've always said, and I use air quotes, ripe for speech and language, that they're wired to acquire this, but it takes effort. It takes the parent, the caregiver, the family members, the siblings, the cousins, life experiences. It takes purpose and a presentation where the baby needs to be stimulated. The baby needs to be encouraged and And so I often go back and kind of have to reflect on why does it take so much effort to prepare our young children for this world? I mean, if you think about any other mammal, we as the human beings, it takes a couple of decades. I think it's pretty well established now that that frontal lobe... All of those kind of higher order executive function skills aren't really fully developed until mid to late 20s for both boys and girls. Although, you know, the research does suggest that young boys, young men have slightly more challenges in really kind of finishing that network system in the frontal lobe. But we can talk about that on another episode. For today's episode, that's entitled on purpose, that brains are built, not born, that babies are born under construction, they're incomplete at birth. And that was pretty much evolved out of necessity, because say, you know, 10 million years ago, as the human race went from a four legged, mammal to standing upright with two legs that was needed in order to conserve energy and build or transfer that energy to the brain. We wanted big brains, right? And big brains require more energy. And the best way to do that, evolution tells us, is that the human race moved from these four-legged, mammals to a two-legged. And in order to do that and to have balance and to be able to smoothly walk across this land, which they had to, then the hips needed to be a certain width and it needed to be smaller in order to carry our bodies in an upright position. And in order to do that, guess what happened? Then the pelvic region had to kind of downsize. And so then there was this big rush to, oh my gosh, how the heck are moms going to survive childbirth if we have this massive brain and my pelvis area, my hips have to be a certain width. And so over quick negotiation, it was determined that growing in utero for about nine months will give the baby the best benefit to survive outside in this world and not kill mom in the process. So when we look at it that way, that babies for those first couple of months really are 100% helpless. And it is up to us to really love and care and finish constructing the brain. So not only is it the physical growth of our children, but it's really the cognitive as well as emotional and spiritual and all of that that feeds into the human being, right, as a whole entity. But the, you know, the brain itself needs to continue to grow. And in order to do that, our children need a rich language-based education. learning environment at home with the parents, the primary caretakers, all of the adults need to kind of get on board with understanding that brains are built, not born. This beautiful baby that was given to us is really just in a survival mode. And basically that's what most humans are throughout our whole lifespan, is to survive another day. So our children are relying on us to help guide them and enhance this learning experience. And we do that through neuroplasticity, which is a big word, but it's pretty readily used in all kinds of industries these days. But what that basically means is that our brain, our system is designed by the God Almighty, in a purposeful manner to wire and rewire through everyday experiences. And that's how we build habits and we entice people to practice a skill, but we're also driven to practice skills. Like I remember my daughter learning how to walk upstairs, very, you know, two-ish or 18 months even. And every step she saw, she had to walk it up and walk it down and walk it up and walk it down because that was her motor development kind of benchmark and that she was wired to master that skill. We would go for a walk, quote unquote, in in air quotes again, and never make it more than one or two houses down the street, because you would see a step and would have to practice that skill. And so we're wired to develop the survival mechanisms. So movement is one of them. But we have to provide these opportunities and give them space, both physical space and emotional space to practice. And neuroplasticity, we now understand a lot more over my career. Again, I feel very, very blessed to have kind of come of age when technology and neuroscience kind of got married there in the early 1990s. But neuroplasticity has been a huge piece of my continued learning and growth as a practitioner and educator trying to help other speech therapists, other clinicians, as well as educators and parents to really embrace their role in giving kids appropriate experiences and opportunities to really make those neural connections and strengthen these skills. And so this episode is really about helping parents kind of connect a few major dots, right? That speech and language is the foundation for lifelong learning, that babies are born still under construction, and that they rely on us to not just survive, but to really grow and develop in and acquire skills, helping them be the best version of themselves. And we do that through neuroplasticity, but we also do it through play-based learning. And that's what these first three years, five years, seven years should be focused on. And I know nowadays it's pretty popular to focus on academics. expecting more and more from younger and younger children. And I will certainly have one, if not numerous episodes in the future, really focusing on the difference between early speech and language acquisition or development versus early academics and, you know, kind of memorizing these facts. And we'll talk about that in depth and the pros and the cons and how do you kind of blend these two without... interfering with the natural process. And so, and that's what I want to talk about a little more today is for parents to keep in mind that yes, speech and language is natural to us human beings. I mean, we're driven to verbally communicate. That is the lifelong or the, that is the lifeline when babies are born is their auditory processing system. They're, they're designed to hear the human voice and really attach to that because that's who's going to help them survive. And without it, the babies are kind of out of luck, right? You know that. I know that. But it's that auditory processing that is their lifeline to survival. And It's up to us to help them build human relationships beyond survival, right? To have connection and reason and purpose and fun and joy and freedom and all of those other beautiful things in this world. But speech and language is looked upon as natural. It should just happen. I can't tell you how many times in my 35 years of practice where I've had families come to me and say, I did know I was supposed to talk that much to my baby or even my toddler. He's not really talking back to me. How do I have a conversation? I even have had at least... five, six reports from other speech pathologists saying that a two-year-old or a three-year-old wasn't appropriate for speech therapy because they weren't talking yet. And that used to just blow my mind. But the truth is, there's a lot of ignorance out there. There's a and just kind of blatant distortions, I think. Not on purpose. I just think that we have these different perspectives and parents are the ones kind of in the middle. Like, who the heck do I listen to? And I know that you're even going to have different podcasters out there, again, coming from different backgrounds, saying different things.

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So I'm giving you my voice, my 35 years of experience, and I'm trying to kind of clear the clutter, make it more precise, or at least less conflicting. And so when we speak about early development is natural, it is that it's part of our human experience. humaneness, but it doesn't mean that they do it by themselves. And it doesn't mean that they don't need us as guides and models and prompters and cheerleaders, as well as a good hard coach, right? If a child is struggling with any kind of developmental skill, it's our job, our responsibility to get down and figure out how to help them wire up and get through this process. And so when it relates to speech and language, I hear this over and over again from professionals, pediatricians, school people, psychologists, parents alike, saying, ah, he'll figure it out. Or, you know, they all catch up. You know, my uncle didn't talk until he was four. Or this is the one I hear all the time. And it's, it's, oh, kids develop all at their own pace. It's fine. There's, there's a lot of wiggle room. And I think those statements are very, very misleading. And I've shared this over and over again. And I always caution parents, when you hear statements, those sweeping generalizations, to be mindful that parents Yes, some kids do figure it out by themselves. Some kids do catch up without too much, quote unquote, extra support. But we're very, very knowledgeable these days in identifying red flags early on. And I'm all about this podcast and me going forward is more about prevention, more about giving parents tools and tips and strategies, as well as background information to understand when to dive a little deeper and when to let the child continue to grow and develop naturally. But I always say parents need to be really cognizant, really kind of diligent in understanding where the guidelines are, where the boundaries are. And I know that pediatricians, you know, they have a huge responsibility, and they know a lot more than I will ever know about the human body. But they don't necessarily know a lot about early childhood development. They have the guides, just like you do. They have the checklists. But they also don't get to spend a lot of time with the child to really figure out where they are. And I've had a number of really good pediatricians, good colleagues of mine say, you know, Aaron, I only see them for like a minute or two. And, you know, usually it's I, if I have to give them a shot or they're sick. And so it's really hard. And so we've, kind of develop these systems where you have these, you know, well baby checkups, and you're to fill out these developmental guides, but there's not a lot of dialogue. And I think recently, maybe five, six years ago, my association, Speech Language Hearing Association, actually ran a study and only like 37% of the pediatricians followed through with that. So parents will fill out a little questionnaire, give it to the front desk, and then it'll be filed away. And so there's, you know, falling through the cracks kind of thing. And so I also know pediatricians who really discount parents' concerns and they might feel like a mom is a worry wart or kind of quote unquote neurotic. And I've had a number of professionals, pediatricians, a couple of psychologists that have said, oh gosh, I hated when Google really came to be and that parents could start Googling all kinds of And I'm sure all doctors hate Google nowadays, because we go in there with a whole packet of here are my symptoms, and this is my diagnosis. But this whole self-diagnosing, and I get that. But I welcome questions. I welcome when parents come to me and say, I've heard about XYZ or Do you think my child is apraxic, which is like a discoordination with speech, or autism, or ADD, those kinds of, again, those big labels that have a lot of weight, but we have to tease all of that apart. And so I want... to really help parents understand that, yes, there's a lot of naturalness to early development, speech and language, motor, sensory, emotional regulation, all of that. But they need a guide. They need someone to get on the floor with them and encourage them because we go back to 10 million years ago, we're still on survival mode. And And we have to entice our children to build their curiosity and help them understand that they're going to get a lot more in this world if they use speech and language with other human beings. And that's a big piece to some of my early intervention when I sit down with parents and say we have a 14 month old or a 16 or 18 month old, even a two year old, that we have to get that to buy into verbal talking. So if there is a delay, or for whatever reason, sometimes it's motor based, sometimes it's just kind of, they are well loved, they're well taken care of, they get all their needs met, mom and dad and caretakers, they can kind of read their body language, there's no real need to like use this verbal communication because I'm happy as a clam. So we have to help children realize that verbal talking is much more empowering than having a tantrum or much more easygoing than whining or grunting or groaning. So sometimes kids really need that hand over hand to help them buy into this verbal communication system. So The key takeaway here for today is parents, you are pivotal. You are the number one influencer in your baby, toddler, preschooler, kindergarten, early elementary, across the whole gamut. And I'm really speaking to parents with kids under seven, because I feel like if we can build that foundation to speech and language, and really help them wire their neurological network so they have competent self-regulation and attention and curiosity and they're healthy physically, mentally, cognitively, then they're ready to do anything academically. And like I've said, we will talk more about teasing that apart about what is building this strong verbal, oral communication system separate from quote-unquote academics. But parents, I'm really encouraging you to understand that there's this balance. Well, actually, it's not a balance. It's more like this ebb and flow, right? That balance to me kind of gives me a visual of stagnant, right? You have a teeter-totter that's just balancing in air, right? But no, we want to give and take. We want to always keep moving forward. And we want to help babies and toddlers and preschoolers understand they're in it with us. Together, we build this little baby and toddler into a human being with creative thought and a great sense of humor and ability to develop relationships. The whole idea that all kids develop at their own pace I really don't even know what that means because we do have developmental expectations. We do expect kids to continue to move forward, but there are times developmentally where something, a skill, a milestone will take a back seat. It won't entirely regress, but I often use the example that when a child is potty training, right? And it could be anywhere, but between two and a half to four and a half, but somewhere in there, it's not uncommon for speech and language to take a back seat. And that's when sometimes we'll see a spike in what we call disfluencies. And it's kind of like the precursor to stuttering. It's not stuttering per se. And if you find a good speech pathologist, they can differentiate that for you. But these disfluencies is because, again, there's so much growth that happens in those first three to five years that it's overwhelming for the little kid, right? Of course, I can't even imagine learning what they do when we're in our 20s. But with that being said, it's not that uncommon for... speech and language to kind of take this back seat and disfluencies or starting and stopping and stammering and being kind of disorganized is because there's so much mental cognitive bandwidth trying to figure out, you know, potty training and, you know, being able to self-regulate. And so it's not that uncommon and it should be temporary. And that's the big thing when we look at developmental expectations and milestones moving forward is that things, these markers shouldn't regress. Kids shouldn't lose skills. They will take a back seat, but it is very, very temporary. And you're going to see good days and not good days. And you want that. You want that flow. Remember I talked that it's not a balance, but it's a flow. It's also cumulative. And so you do want to see your baby, your toddler, your preschooler building on each and every skill and really integrating these skills with speech and language and body and motor coordination, attention, focus, being able to transition, being able to understand cause and effect, right? you know, or even sequence. And we'll talk about some very specific markers that can help you build, say, daily routines and helping your child really understand, even without spoken language in the beginning, where, you know, that first year, year and a half, where they just have a handful of words. But remember, the first two episodes, I really focused on... the receptive language, all the wiring, all the learning that happens in those first 9, 12, 14 months before the baby, your baby, your toddler really starts using words for communication, for intention or purpose. So your action step today is to take the time to really look at How does your day unfold with your baby or your toddler or your preschool, whether you send them off to another setting because you have to work or just thinking that they need the socialization? We can talk about the pros and cons to that as well, but I know that every family is kind of slowly but surely trying to get back into quote unquote normal times, whatever that means. I don't think we'll ever be back into normal times, but no matter what your circumstance is, your action step today, this week, is to really take a conscious look at the time that you spend with your baby, toddler, preschooler. And it's not just the time, but it's the quality of And how much real engagement connection are you providing? Not just kind of taking care of him or her. But it's easy to embed real connection when you are doing the daily necessities, such as changing their diaper or giving them a bath. You can make it into a very rich language-based learning experience for them. And I know we've talked a of taking everyday experiences and really connecting with them during that five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Your key takeaways for this episode is really embracing the foundation that you're building with your toddler and that babies are born under construction, we kind of compromised to have this big brain, then we have to be born at nine months, hopefully, in order to just survive the birth, and both for mama's sake and baby's sake. But that means that the baby's real driving force is just to survive. And we have to build an environment to entice them to do things that are not easy. And that the parents really are pivotal. They are so incredibly important. And I think part of my urgency to start this podcast and to reach out to more parents parents overall than just my small practice is helping new moms and dads really understand the power that they have, right? And the critical... position that they're in and that our society at large, whether it's our medical community or educational system, or just your community at large, we've kind of slowly but surely, and I've seen this happen in my 35 years in practice, we've slowly but surely let go and either believe on one end of the continuum that kids will just figure it out on their own and they are who they are and that's just life, or we just let outside sources, whether it's a daycare or preschool or a nanny situation even, that we have let them guide our kids. And I think it's really, really important that parents understand, yes, it might take a village. And yes, we do need people in our tribe to help us through this. But at the end of the day, when you put your baby and your toddler down, he or she is in your hands, that God gave your baby to you and your partner and your family. But it's really, you are in the driver's seat. And my big wish sparked that courage for parents to say, yep, I know it's not easy. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming and all of that. But I understand the responsibility that I've stepped into. And I always want to bring it back down to the basics, to what is human nature, what is driving us. Let's use the God-given beautiful system that we have and only enhance it. So thanks for spending some time with me and letting me guide you because that's, I think, my role is to guide the parents so the parents can go home and guide their kids. And hopefully it becomes a ripple effect. But thanks for spending time with me and hearing me kind of walk through this process of why it's so important to each and every child no matter what the family dynamics are, is that we as the grownups in your baby's life understand that we're the biggest influencer, we meaning the parents. And although my one and only baby is graduating from college pretty soon, so it's pretty exciting to look back at those 21, 22 years and really be grateful that I've had this experience to share with her and my husband, and it's pretty awesome. So Talking Toddlers on Tuesdays. I'm Erin Heyer, and I look forward to next week chatting with you. Meanwhile, have fun, get on the floor and play, play, play. Take care. Bye.