This Changes Everything: The Parent's Role in Toddler Development Ep 88

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, we examine a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of early child development: YOU. 

Yes, that's right—this conversation focuses on YOU - the mama, the parent, and grandparent. 

While much of the dialogue around toddler development centers on the child, it’s essential to recognize the SIGNIFICANT role you play in shaping their progress.

We'll explore WHY your involvement is paramount, HOW to self-reflect and evaluate your approach, and the IMPACT of your daily interactions. 

-- Before diving into developmental charts and milestones, take a moment—perhaps at the end of the day or early in the morning—to consider some essential questions about your role.

Understand that YOU are your toddler's number one influence. 

-- By making small adjustments in how you show up, you can profoundly impact your child's development. 

Whether you're filled with love, worry, exhaustion, or even dealing with other personal challenges — remember that you CAN and DO make a difference.

-- We’ll break down the raw facts of your child’s waking hours and compare them to the time spent with professionals. 

Despite the expertise of speech therapists and early intervention specialists, you have a substantial 70 hours a week with your toddler. 

— These are the hours that truly count.

Join me, Erin, as we discuss practical ways to leverage your unique position to support your child's speech and language growth and development. 

-- It’s not about doing it all perfectly; it’s about being present, intentional, and believing in your ability to guide your child. 

Tune in to learn how you can make a lasting difference, supported by neuroscience, human biology, and over 35 years of my experience in the field.

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www.HyerLearning.com
contact@HyerLearning.com

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OUTSIDE LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:
Sensory Processing Integration

Jean Ayres, PhD Occupational Therapist

Transcript

Erin 0:00

We have to understand what to look for. And based on my experience and what I can ascertain from the research, at least half of those kids, when they catch up. will have issues with those higher order language literacy problems. my point here is that after the pandemic, the odds might not be as favorable. Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. So let's talk about what your top 10 concerns as a new mom, especially as your baby. Turns into a toddler. So here are the top 10. Sleep issues. Nutrition and feeding. Behavior and discipline. Speech and language development. Potty training. Socialization and play. Screen time. Safety and childproofing. Developmental milestones. Work life balance. when I look at this list, I find it interesting. And if I'm honest and I stepped back, I believe they're all interrelated. All interconnected. For example, sleep issues are connected to nutrition. And digestion, right. If we're not eating well or eating enough or eating the right things to feed our growing body. We're going to have sleep interruptions. Behavior. Is also connected to how we feed our brains, how we build self-regulation attention, flexibility in our daily routine, how well we learn to listen. Your baby and toddlers are in the position of learning how to listen. How well they process and engage in their environment. Socialization and play. That's all interconnected with how well did they sleep last night? How do they feel inside their bodies? Because they can't really verbalize to you. They only act. Engaged and happy and, and flexible or they're resistant and tantrum and frustrated. So to me, As you know, my background in speech and language development. That can only take place when your baby and toddler are able to attend, connect, and engage with the environment. With the toys you put in front of them with the food you, you introduce them to and with the people. Developmental milestones. Seem to cover this whole umbrella, right? That it crosses everything. It connects to everyday experiences. When we look at those. Infamous developmental milestones. When they roll over crawl, walk, talk. When can they follow directions? One step two step complex directions. How well are they beginning to share? How well are they beginning to eat? How they chew their food and swallow their food? Can they use an open cup or, or a straw? And that's usually done by 6, 8, 10, 12 months. Are they learning how to take turns? What are their sleep routines? Are they getting into the rhythm of this world at 16, 18, 24 months? All of those. Developmental milestones are really being integrated in their body and in their system. And then the infamous potty training, right. That is a whole nother story in and of itself or multiple stories actually. But there are so many variables that allow your babies and toddlers to really be. Open to figuring out, okay, how do I manage this whole potty training experience? So that's why I. Decided to really zone in and focus on these first three years. You being the new mom. How can I support your ability to navigate this, this modern world? That's very different than when I grew up or your grandparents grew up right. And that. Those first three precious years, those first 36 months. Plus those nine months in utero and that's a whole nother episode. But that is such a brilliant. Developmental phase that it's overwhelming to any new mom. I was overwhelmed too. And I had been in practice. I've shared this with you before for a good. 15 years. But to have it, your baby, your full a thousand percent responsibility. That's overwhelming. So as of today, I can bring 35 years of my clinical practice decades of continued study. A lot of trial and error. And help sift through all the noise that's out there. And in 2024, it's very different than, you know, 24 years ago. In 2000 when I had my daughter. I mean, the internet was there, but we didn't use it for searching problems. from this topic to that topic, right. You know, how do you make sauerkraut to, how do you get your kid to sleep? But. As the noise begins to build out there. I continue to focus in on those three major pillars. Eating talking and playing because if we go back to the top 10. Lists of concerns that you all have every year, we seem to do these questionnaires and these seem to pop up over and over and over again. Rightfully. So mind you, because you come to the table. A little ill-equipped right. And I've said this a lot, that You're overwhelmed and unsure and that's to be expected. But I think that it's, it can become dangerous or debilitating when we, as the new parents. Kind of put blinders on our eyes. The truth is you haven't done this before, or maybe this is your second and your decided. Deciding to do it differently. Right. Maybe. You have a three-year-old or a five-year-old and they're doing well enough, but you struggled. And you're like, okay, how do I do this? now I'm bringing, you know, my life experience, but how can I marry that or connect that. With other people that I am beginning to resonate with. Right. You know, children don't come with manuals. There's not a one size fits all. And. the internet is overwhelming and very, very conflicting. And the truth is in my opinion. It can be unrealistic at times and you have to be mindful. It's great that we have so many moms who are sharing their life experience with you all. And some of it is fabulous. And I am in awe of some of these women with four kids and six kids and eight kids. And there are other examples out there that I'm like, Ooh, it's sort of like. Fingernails on a chalkboard because I'm like, there. It's sorta right. But not exactly. And perhaps. They're winging it and they're doing a fair job, but with a little bit of more background information, perhaps. They wouldn't have to wing it and they'd have more confidence stepping into that role. And knowing, okay, we do X, Y, Z, because that will help. In the short run and the long run, cause I'm always looking. You know, what's your long-term goal? What do you want your three-year-old to look like and your five-year-old to look like and your seven year old. How do you want them to behave and feel. And how, how do they really embrace their life each and every day? Humans, our children. Are an ever growing and expanding series of systems. And that with their everyday experience, good, bad and indifferent. That's how they're wiring their internal systems, whether they're motor or cognitive linguistic, all of that relationship building. there are these different parts to the puzzle, through their everyday experiences with you at home, you're building those systems and then allowing those systems through a lot of practice and practice and practice. To integrate with one another. that's the topic That I have several sessions planned in the next six to eight weeks called sensory integration. And that's a big. A big area. That's critical. I think for all practitioners and an unfortunately in my opinion, pediatricians don't really understand it so well, some do, but not the average pediatrician. And teachers kind of have, a very limited understanding and parents, unless you've had to experience it yourself, whether perhaps it was a sibling or a cousin or a neighbor or something, then you might have a better understanding, but that is a really important. Uh, field of study it really kind of came to life back in the late eighties, early nineties when I was coming up the ranks. Right. And I was in grad school and I was there in Southern California. And that's a whole nother story, but that's where Jean Ayers and I'll have a link. Down below, just if you want to check it out, but that's where the whole sensory processing and sensory integration came to life. And the truth is, she was doing work there. At, the university of Southern California, USC. And there are a lot of people that thought she was wacky and crazy and pushed her research back, but she was tenacious and strong and smart. And she knew in her heart of hearts that this was a piece to early development and human development that we need to recognize. And so her study or her work was really, I think one of her first books was called The Out of Sync Child. we will talk about those in separate episodes, but that's how we go back looking at those top 10 concerns. You all have. It's important to always keep in the back of your mind, how they're interrelated. And even though we look at developmental milestones as these. specific and separate boxes to check off, there is a relationship, So for example, the muscles. That grow and develop for chewing and eating. Or the exact same muscles and processes that grow and develop for speech sounds and those are interrelated with. I say, and I've referenced this before tummy time, right? Building. The gross motor skills, the big muscles, Your back, your hips, your shoulders. And the fine motor that the jaw, the chewing, right? The lips, the tongue for swallowing and sucking and all of those things and speech sounds, but it's hard to build those fine motor skills. If the, the big muscles, the gross motor skills are under developed. Or under utilized. And so again, how these networks, these systems. Work and grow and expand and wire together. for example, when your child begins to string sounds together, They can then make a word and it's very fluent. It's very fast, right? They can put those sounds together in a sequential order. And then you start stringing those words together to make a phrase or those phrases to make a sentence. And all of that is built through. Your experience with them. And their ability to play. And move and engage with the environment. So. Chewing is, I talk a lot about the, his is a motor movement that also helps. Calm us right. And help. Self-regulate. It calms our heartbeat. It gives us. A more regular inhalation and exhalation you. And I do this. If we chew gum or if we chew on ice or if we chew the tip. Of our pencil or a racer. Some people, chew their nails for all the same reasons. And so your baby and toddler needs a lot of that motor movement In the beginning as exploratory, and then they begin to do it on purpose, right. But from, from birth. That biting. If you stick your little finger in your baby's mouth, even though they just have gums. Right. But they'll bite down. And it really helps them regulate their, their system because, oh my gosh, there. They're thrown into this world and they're like, what do I do? Right. I. I was in this perfect world in utero, in your womb, and now I'm overwhelmed, but it takes time to understand. Different context, different environments and, and it's a process. But. As you know, and we talk a lot about this here, that babies and toddlers, your, your little. Special beans. Right? They learn through play, right. You and I call it play. They don't know what's play. It's just, oh, there's something shiny in front of me. I'm going to reach for it. Right. And they're just exploring. They're just interested. Hopefully that's what we want. You know, they build that connection with you in those first three months. And then you expand their visual horizon, right? You're putting them on tummy time in different. Yeah, different environments, right on your lap, on the floor, on the grass, a whole. You know, slew of opportunities. But. The very first thing that we have to do in those first three months is to encourage connection. Right. And what a colleague of mine. And I've shared her work with you guys in the past, Laura mys. Um, and I'll have a link down below, but she has, I think it's seven stages of communication. And the first two are connection building that connection, that relationship. With you. And then what she refers to is conveying. Which is your, your baby's ability to then participate right? You cou they cou back, right? Or you, you follow their lead in the noise making or in the looking or reaching or pulling. And you're responding and they're building that relationship. And I love her work because it's, it's written for us speech pathologists, but it's also really, used with parents and I've used it in my practice for at least a decade. What, I want to encourage you today. What my purpose here. Is to remind everybody of what your beautiful role is. And that. These interactions again, you and I call it play. But that's their responsibility. we're supposed to lay the environment or create a home environment in which we can lay down these foundational skills. Right. And I've shared in the past. They're seven at this stage at this early, early stage birth to 36 months. There are seven levels of play. And I'll have that link down below as well, but, and we've talked about it in previous episodes. I'll have a link back to did that previous episode. But exploratory play, right? That's when they really start to just put things in their mouth. They that's that's there. Their mode of learning is in that oral cavity, right? Their mouth is that they put their hands, they put your hair, they put their clothes, they put toys, they put things that they shouldn't shouldn't, but that's that whole. Exploratory. And then there's nonfunctional play. There's beginning functional play and then the nonfunctional play. And the beginning of functional play does need to be sorted out. And I think it's important for parents to really understand. as you're engaging with your child, you'll be able to help them through one stage into another. So, let me just give you a brief description. Non-functional play. Our activities with toys or objects that support. Important cognitive concepts that they're building those early cognitive skills and cognitive. Remember I mentioned. Numerous times that is not intelligence per se, but it's really building their understanding of how things work and how they interface with their environment. Right. So mouthing. in that exploratory play mouthing decreases and new Or new actions with the objects begin to emerge. So in those first eight months, they're really putting things in their mouth, right. And then between eight months and 12 months, they're beginning to do different things. What we call nonfunctional play because. They might bang with an item or pat it or roll something might not be a ball. Right. So that would be the function of a ball, but it might be, you know, something else that is round that they're just. Exploring how they can move it in this three-dimensional world. They might, that's when they throw food quite often. Right. Because they're just looking to see what happens with you with the food, with the dog. All kinds of things, but there. They're doing more. Non-functional. Um, and then when they begin to do more functional play that's between 12 months and 15 months, and then they're really understanding more. And so they can use those more familiar toys and objects for. The intended purpose, right. They can roll a ball, knowing what it's for, or they can really throw a ball look knowing that it bounces right. So toddlers at that age, 12 to 15 months. Really discover how objects work through a lot of trial and error. Right? So those first eight months they're putting it in their mouth. They're feeling the texture. Is there flavors they're not, is it hot? Is it cold? Those kinds of things. And then, then they're just, you know, doing different things with it to see how does this work. And then the, those beginning stages of function. On purpose. Right? So they, then that's when they really, between 12 months and 15 months, then they begin to use the adults or older kids in their room during play. So then they can, you know, operate toys more, or get your attention to engage and share like, oh, look, I've figured out how this latch works. Or look, if I put this. You know, circle in this hole and then I pull out the drawer. It's there and that's object permanence. Right? So these are important stages of quote, unquote, play you. And I look at it and play, but he or she, your little one is building their brain, building their understanding of how this world works. So to. Finish this quick outline of the, seven levels of play. So exploratory play nonfunctional play beginning functional play. And then there's early symbolic play. And that is, between 17, 18 months. That's when early pretending. And it's usually done on themselves. Right. That they can drink from a cop or they can stir food or they can burp a baby, those kinds of things. And then there's combining play actions with familiar routines. So between that 19. Months and 22 months. your little one will begin to perform several different actions with the toys based on their life experience, based on their everyday activities of what people have done with him. Or he's watched. Right. And so that correlates on again, remember, I'm talking about how all of these things are interconnected. So being able to do two actions or three action that correlates with their ability. To put two and three words together. There are phrases, right. And I have another episode. That will be released in a couple of weeks talking very, very specifically about the importance of making phrases, you know, between 20 months and 24 months and 26 months. Right. But how. That correlates with. There their gestures and their play. Quote unquote again. Is is demonstrating how they're beginning to understand how to put. Concepts together. And then they have expanding play routines that's between 24 months and 30 months. But that's really, that's when pretending now can include a lot more steps and with frequent activities, So they're using shorter phrases and shorter sentences, or they're using more phrases and shorter sentences. And that really begins with richer language, right? Grammar. And they're beginning to understand. More wh questions besides what is this you can ask, where is Tommy, the brother, or where is, Spot the dog, but they're beginning to, you can even say who right? Who is this in the picture, right? Maybe it's grandma or something. But. As their language. Richness grows, then their ability to expand beyond and show imagination grows. And then the S the seventh and final stage here. Begins around 36 months. And that's really when early role play and games with rules begin, that's when you can do shoots and ladders and, Go fish and other kinds of games with rules that you still with a 36 month old might have to modify. But my purpose here of just kind of outlining. That is to help. Again, bring awareness how these things evolve over time and grow and use. Use each other to build upon, So now let's get back to the top 10 concerns that New parents, just like you and parents of toddlers continue to struggle with, and I mentioned them in the opening, right, the nutrition, behavior and discipline, speech and language, potty training, socialization and play, screen time, and I do have an episode coming up about the newest research and what that's really telling us, also safety and child proofing. Always keeping your kids safe, right? But developmental milestones, I've touched upon that, and then that work life balance. And that's, I think, a forever conversation, because it changes when you have a newborn versus a toddler versus a school age child. And I think that makes sense. But for today's purpose, I want to zone in on speech and language and those three things. overall developmental milestones. More specifically this common phrase that is all over the internet and people are always talking about it what is a late talker, right? And how can you Um, new mama and new daddy and new grandparents. How can you understand that more deeply? So then you can be more proactive and, and navigate through this to mitigate, to minimize, to keep your child on track so they don't have lifelong issues. Challenges. That's my primary goal here. And I know that you want that, too. So this term, as I said, is all over the internet. All you have to do is Google it, right? But parents talk about it. Pediatricians think they understand. But even us, speech people, us therapists, and OTs, occupational therapists, or physical therapists, seem to have kind of a different understanding or a different perspective. So I just want to be really, really clear and then help you understand What to look for and how to, how to, with your new knowledge, with your new understanding, how to support your child if they come across having a bump or two, that how do you really help them. get over it. Right? So the first one is a strict definition, which is how I use late talker. And I've always been very, very consistent with this because I think it's important, but the school systems in my opinion have kind of muddied this up. But I think, any speech pathologist worth her salt Would follow along with my strict definition versus the more popular one, the strict definition means that a child who is between 18 and 35 months Right? So that's a year and a half until right before their third birthday. They can understand words, but they don't say very many on their own independently. Right? But, and this is the important piece. They meet the expected developmental milestones of all other areas. Except talking, also known as expressive language, right? So they follow directions, they understand, they use gestures even. They can say yes or no. They have a few maybe approximated words that they use, but their talking is very minimal. But everything else, right, they've rolled over, they tolerated tummy time, they can walk and they can jump and they can climb up the ladder on the slide and all of those things. Their sleeping skills are decent, right? It might be changing from season to season or things like that. But that is the strict definition. Now, the more popular definition, and in my opinion, an overgeneralized definition. Understanding, I think causes a lot of parents and professionals, whether they're pediatricians or psychologists, confusion. And then that leaves doubt and, and worry, right? Because say even for three months you kind of put a lid on it and you say, oh, we'll just wait and see because he's just a late talker and every, you know, lots of kids are late talkers. But. Perhaps there are other things going on that nobody is really taking a closer look at. So this more popular or generalized definition, in my opinion, is any child who is two years old and not using at least 50 words. Right. And so what that means, when you look at your child and if he's two years old, not using 50 words, you're not looking at how well he understands or follows directions or engage, or those play, levels that I just mentioned, right? those early functional and, those early pretend skills. So you have to look at all of the pieces to this beautiful little human that you have in your hands and in your life, right? So because if we just take this overgeneralized term that any child who's two years old and not using 50 words, to me that describes virtually all children who are ever referred to speech therapy. and it would therefore cover a much broader scope. it also includes kids who have other developmental delays and more significant disabilities. They could even have a medical diagnosis, right? Sensory, I mentioned that, sensory integration, or sensory processing deficit, right? Poor self regulation, autism. All of that could fit under this very, very generalized use of a late talker. And I don't think that's fair to the child. I don't think that's fair to you. And, and I think there are professionals out there and lay people that are doing the community at large, which includes you a disservice. Because there is a significant difference. among these groups of kids. and I want to talk a little bit about that here today, but the flip side, what my real purpose is to empower you to know the difference and understand why it's important and then what you can do about it. And that's why historically throughout my whole career, I explore all areas of development. And I continue to revisit the nuances between those big milestones that we all talk about, right? Is he walking? Is he talking? those kinds of things. yes, it's important to focus in on, oh, does he have a handful of words by his first birthday, give or take, That's just a marker. What, what is it saying underneath? It's saying if he does have a handful of words on his first birthday, give or take, then that also means he has good gestures, right? Look at his gestures. And I've made a reference to this over and over again, but 16 gestures by 16 months is critical part of this puzzle. Does he respond to his name? Is he a noisy kid? Babies and toddlers should be noisy. They're finding their voice. Yes, that doesn't mean that all kids, I expect all kids to, you know, be chatty Cathy's. No, but that vocal play, that exploratory play needs to be noisy and noticeable. Do they make a lot of different sounds? so they only have three or four or five words on their first birthday, but are there different sounds, right? By their second birthday, they should have all 22 vowel sounds. And we've talked a little bit about that, but it's all about wiring their, auditory ability, right? Coding language by listening to real people in their life. And then they're practicing those sounds. They're, they're building and understand an understanding of the native flow of their native language, right? The patterns. And so the reason why I'm bringing this all up is that I'm sure you've all done a ton of Google searches, right? We all have for all kinds of things. Like I said, how to fix, a leaky faucet to, how to make crowd or, the big one right now is sourdough bread. I haven't gone there yet, but I have, the, the starter kit, also using the term late talker or how to increase my toddler's word count, And so when I go back and look at those 10 things, Um, you know, new parents are mostly concerned about. It's about talking. It's about those developmental milestones. It's about play skills. It's about eating. They're all interrelated. And so what I feel, I want to give you a behind the scenes or, um, yeah, a behind the scenes perspective that I feel that there's a noticeable shift. before and after this pandemic that we all experienced. So, prior to 2020, and that's why I like when I look at research and I look at articles that are coming out, when was it published, but before the pandemic. And for the vast majority of my 30 years, you know, before the pandemic, research was pretty darn consistent that when we looked at that strict definition of a late talker, I would say 65 to 70% or more would catch up with their peers by the time they reached kindergarten age, five or six, depending on when you send your kid to school. And I've always encouraged parents that that's a great statistic, right? That's great news. Now, there was a caveat that a lot of people ignored, again, in my opinion, but I would always say this to parents because I have always tried to be as open and honest, lay all my cards out on the table. And as a professional in a private practice, I could do that. I wasn't restricted by, preschool, you know, whatever. guidelines or all the bureaucratic red tape in public schools or even in a private setting or, in a hospital, they had restriction. You had to be below the 25th percentile or you had to be in the 7th percentile, some pretty severe criteria to quote unquote get service, right? But with this great statistic of 65 to 70 percent of late talkers would quote unquote catch up to their peers by kindergarten age. We also understood that just because they caught up to their kindergarten age and presented with, Appropriate or age appropriate vocabulary. They could follow some basic wh questions they were able to, answer some questions as well. And those kinds of things, it put them in a different risk group compared to the kids who never had a late talking issue, right? That hit all of those milestones, right smack in the middle. And so we knew that if a child had early speech and language delay for whatever reason, that it put them in a different risk group for having what we call higher level language issues, such as spelling or reading comprehension, telling stories and learning how to write. That even though they quote unquote caught up, that they perhaps didn't continue, they continue to grow and learn, but they didn't grow at the same rate as their counterparts. And so by second grade or third grade, then the diagnosis or the label would shift. they weren't necessarily looking at speech and language issues as much as, oh, now it's an academic problem. They're not learning how to read and write. And so now they have a quote unquote learning problem. And to me, and I've always said this, that that is a semantic game that we play with kids. And IEPs and schools and professionals and all of this, but that's a different conversation. But the truth is it, if you have a child who presents as a late talker, and as I said, for whatever reason, it puts them in a different risk group. It doesn't mean that they will. struggle, or they will have these higher order language based learning problems. It just means that you mama, you daddy, you grandma, and any other therapist, because I have a lot of grad students that listen to this, which is awesome, that we have to be more vigilant. We have to understand what to look for. And based on my experience and what I can ascertain from the research, at least half of those kids, when they catch up. will have issues with those higher order language literacy problems. Right? So, my point here is that after the pandemic, the odds might not be as favorable. So yes, we look at 65 to 70 percent of those kids for decades. We've looked at those kids. Oh, they have a really good chance of catching up. And then if we stay with them, if we really give them that little extra TLC and really understand that, they're coming out of, that, that deficit. But if we really help them, they'll continue and they'll be fine. But I think after the pandemic, there are many reasons, some are speculative on my part and some are just facts that the favorability might not be as high. And so I have been, a little bit more forthcoming with, with families. that I talk to and consult with. We know that babies, toddlers, and preschoolers over the last four years did not and may never get the same kind of social and early language experience that they did Before 2020, that the world shifted and we were all impacted, but the, but the systems have also changed. They had to. And because of this, I tend to be much more cautious with parents. And so I'm being cautious with you at the same time that I'm trying to arm you or empower you or help support you build your life. your bravery to step up and say, not on my watch. So the systems were already weak, right? They were already overloaded. there was a shortage of speech language pathologists and occupational therapists who specialize in the pediatrics for, I could get a job almost anywhere in this world. It, there was a shortage everywhere, Australia, UK, U S. And so after the lockdown and after the pandemic, there was a backlog and we haven't caught up and I don't know if we ever will, I, I think the criteria has changed You don't get those one on one services, you know, there's a lot of groups, there's a lot of different people trying to support a child's language based learning, right? Speech and language and literacy, coming at it, they're trying to come at it from a lot of different points of view. And that's another story of, who really, it's not so much as licensure, although that's a big piece to it. Who really understands human development and language based learning the best. But that's why I'm here. That's why I'm encouraging you because I want all of us to be more proactive, And so I'm just afraid that the data or the, the conversations around quote unquote late talkers, whether they're, you're looking at that, that strict definition or you're looking more at that more broader definition is, I think it's more muddied even now. Right? Right. And. Um, I think the vast majority of us, and I've alluded to this before, I do have another specific episode because I've been for several months doing a deep dive into how and what are the ramifications of the CDC making some serious adjustments to those milestones, right, to those quote unquote expected milestones. and the first Question I raised from the get go was, there were no speech language problems. Pathologists speech, people like me or occupational therapists that were consulted. It was, I think a team of 16, a few psychologists, some pediatricians, and I understood that it was in the work before they released it, which I think was in two, late 2021 or early 2022. but the vast majority of us on the ground, SLPs, speech people and occupational therapists. and early developmental specialists. We don't really agree. We question it a lot. And so part of our responsibility is to explain why and, and then you as the mom and the dad and the family at whole can decide, right? My point here is always to educate you, to empower you, to support you, your choices, right? There are no perfect answers. But there are some better solutions, And I think that you, mama, mostly, cause you're leading the charge most of the time, especially when they're little like this, must have the information, and, and to use this knowledge in your everyday life. and every baby is different. Every toddler is different. Every family is different. So you're going to tweak it, of course, but what I'm bringing is some solid, solid, solid Uh, evidence based things that you can do other than just wait and that's the other piece to this conversation is that we have over the years trusted pediatricians with their wait and see approach. I want you to get ahead of it, stay ahead of it, take ahold of that steering wheel and take charge. So the first step in all of this, and this is the crux of this conversation. storyline is to focus on you. And you're like, what? You've been talking about the kid all this time and it's always about the baby and we have to get him or her going and, but we can't help change that needle or that trajectory without talking about YOU FIRST. What you do with your baby and your toddler is much more important than knowing which definition to use. To look and evaluate and be really open and honest with where are you sitting in all of this. And even, before you start diving deep into those developmental charts and all of that, we have to really take a few moments, maybe, at the end of the day when the kids are down or the first thing in the morning, get, get up, a half an hour before most of your day starts, right? And think about these. questions that I'm going to propose to you, you must believe that you mama and daddy and grandparents, but you, the family make a difference. You must believe that you are your baby or toddlers. Number one, grown up and that by making just a few adjustments on how you show up and how you feel. about taking on this huge responsibility. I know you're full of love and worry, all in the same breath, overwhelm, exhaustion, all of those things. And I'm sure there's other things going on. I've spoken to a, a wide variety of new moms over the last year, year and a half as, my podcast has, been launched. Some of you have a partner, some of you are going through a nasty divorce. Some of you, have a great partner, but you're not on the same page about child rearing, all kinds of different scenarios, Maybe your, your mom is involved and you too. Have different understanding of what should and shouldn't. But you are really the leader and that you really, really, really, really can move that needle right there at home. And I know that all these professionals, I mean, I've been in it, you know, for 35 years. You know that I was, always saying, call me, ask me questions, right? But if you look at, let, let's take some raw facts here. So you have a child who's typically awake eight hours, I'm sorry, 10 hours a day. Right? You have 24 hours a day. Hopefully they sleep about 10 hours at night. They take some naps. Right? So I, I've always used these kind of rough numbers. You have 24 minus 10 minus four. You have about 10 hours of waking moments with your child. 10 hours. Hours a day times seven, that's 70 hours of waking baby time, right? Baby toddler time. And if you find yourself that you really need a therapist, that you can't go it alone or that your child is really, really struggling and I never, ever, ever want anyone to get the impression that I'm not saying don't seek professional guidance. That's only one hour at best. Sometimes it's two hours. I mean, I would structure with my, with my toddlers to 45 minutes. sessions, right? And so 30 minutes wasn't enough. One hour was a lot. but if I could structure two 45 minute sessions, then I had them for two minutes or I'm two sessions, sorry. And, and I found so much more continuity. Like I've also shared, I've always had a one way mirror. So mom and dad, But mostly mom and grandparents were always part of the learning process. what I'm saying is, even if you have two hours, even if you send them to, uh, specialized daycare, that's a couple of hours a day. You have 70 hours in a week. So if you really want to move that needle, and I know you do, and get him back on track or to keep him on track, understand that it's not that complicated. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, it's overwhelming. Yes, it's going to tap every self doubt you have. But it's not rocket science. I'm here to, you know, sprinkle a little neuroscience and a little human biology, but you are the one implementing, right? You take some of these ideas and then evaluate. Identify what your daily life is and then you both win. And so that's why my main message today is that you mama and dad and grandparents, you are uniquely qualified to teach your child how to talk, uniquely qualified to move that needle. And it's been true since the beginning of time. And when quote unquote services and specialists, you know, came in to be what? 60 years ago, tops, right? there was a handful. I mean, I was actually discouraged when I was in high school to go into speech and language pathology because my counselor in high school said, it's a dying field and you will not have a job. That's what she told me. Thank God I didn't listen to her. And I've told that I've shared that story a ton of times. no matter how good any therapist is, me or any other specialists that you get, they will never be able to replace you. The attention, the love, the engagement that you provide each and every day when they, are fussy in the middle of the night, when you're trying to encourage them to eat more chicken, when you're, cleaning up. their poopy diaper, all of that. When you're giggling and playing hide and seek, that will never be felt with an outsider. You are the number one fan, period. He or she will count on you no matter what, every single day. No doctor, no therapist, no teacher, not even a trusted nanny. And we had a great one. But it was interesting that, I had to explain to her and thank God I understood what was going on. Quite often when our daughter was little and I would come home, Moira would then get kind of nasty with Olga, our nanny. And Olga's like, what's going on? And it's because at a young age, at 12 or 14 or 18 months, she could only have one quote unquote authority figure or one love figure in the room. And she's like, okay, I don't know how to split my attention between mama who just came home and Olga who I love and adore. And that's really, really common at a younger age, right? And even, two and two and a half. That can be really common, too, because at the end of the day, there's no match with you and your baby and your toddler. It's just basic human biology. That biological love. And this is true, for mamas especially, but dads are in it too. You know, there, there's some, you know, great YouTubers out there with, you know, what toddlers do when daddy comes home and it's fun. Those, those are fabulous because that's what the family is all about, right? Building that unadulterated love and that you as the, the parents in charge are really able to read your kids and understand them. my major message for this week is don't question this. Right. It's actually time to capitalize on it. I want you to know and believe that this is truly a gift by our creator. This this love and sometimes it's hard to really embrace because it's overwhelming. It's like, Oh my gosh, I have full responsibility of this baby and this infant and this toddler. that's a lot. But, our creator gave it to us for a reason. We're, we're wired to handle it just like they're wired to have that trust in us. So our babies, our toddlers, your babies, your toddlers are so vulnerable. You know that, but they're counting on you and you, you've got it. You got it. So I want you to really think about how am I embracing this, this role, this power, And how can I trust that inner voice in me that I can guide them through this, that they can learn how to, to talk and to play and to engage and to share because I showed them no matter how many professionals you gather on your team, you have to take charge. And, and I tell you, you know, I've been a part of hundreds and hundreds of teams over the years, both public and private. And when the mom embraced her role as the leader, the CEO, her child benefited the most. Closed those gaps and truly tapped into his or her full potential. And you know, I have a purpose to brainstorm with her and to give her some of that, background knowledge. But when she took the lead, it was great. There was no stopping us. So my, my goal is to keep as many mamas in that state of mind, right? And to help. Their babies really stay on track or if they're starting to fall off. How do we fix it? Because I believe in prevention. I believe that those statistics were 54 percent of our Children have a chronic disease. from asthma to allergies to attention deficit, all of these things, those numbers, those big shifts, we can rectify. So I want to really help you, encourage you. To shift your mindset, to shift your perspective from that wait and see or all kids grow at their own pace or, Hey, I made a few phone calls, I put them on a waiting list. That's great. Great. You're on somebody's waiting list, but now what? Or some parents will say, ah, he'll figure it out. My uncle did or my brother did, or she's just quiet and reserved. That's how I was. So all of these questions. I want you to shift and say, Hmm, what are we doing right? And what can I do better? I want you to become more of an active participant in your child's early development because the systems out there aren't what they used to be. Um, which weren't always the best, but you know, we at least I think had a fighting chance. So no matter where you are on this journey, if you have a six month old right now on your lap or you have a one year old who seems to be quiet and happy, should I, look at other things? Maybe you have a two and a half year old who isn't meeting the expected milestones and someone told you, Hey, boys develop talking slower. That's not true. Just putting it out there. Not true. But maybe you have a 20 month old who's right on target and you're like, yay, I'm doing great. Yep. But don't always assume he'll stay that way. I mean, I can't tell you the, hundreds of times that parents have said everything was fine until his second birthday and then all hell broke loose. Right? So you have to stay ahead of it. You have to always know what are the subtle differences. So, if you look at your little one and you're like, hey, he's doing great, great. But reevaluate, take some notes, look at those milestones, you can get them through every state. Like I said, what are you doing well and where is there room for improvement? And how can I prepare myself for this next chapter, right? So that, one to 18 month old has a handful of words. They're acquiring maybe two or three words every week or 10 days. Right. At a slower rate, but they're still picking up words, right? So they go from a handful of words to maybe, you know, 50 words at 18 months and then they really explode, right? They start having 10 words a day. So how do you prepare yourself for that? And then there's. It's good. Needing to put those words together. So look at his play skills. Look at your routines. Look at how can you keep ahead of this? Look at his eating. Look at his, his cooperation, his understanding. Can he sit for 10 minutes and listen to a story? You may or may not realize this, but when we as professionals look at those developmental milestones, that's always the low average range. It's right at the cutoff. So when I say a two year old, a 24 month old needs 50 words, that's baseline, right? That's a, really basic expectation. And if you think of the bell curve, that is at the 25th percentile. Meaning, that 75 percent of the kids are doing better. And for many, many years, my practice, we would do annual speech and language screenings at preschools, And there were probably a dozen different one, but we would end up, you know, You know, testing over a hundred kids. And my therapist and I would always go back to the office and we'd always discuss the results and, consult if there were questions or this, that, but it was a standardized screening, form. and back then about 10 percent of the kids at that time were identified as having some kind of delay. And usually that just meant that we would refer them for a full battery of tests and they could come to us. They could, you know, I always gave, three options, tried to do the right thing. But what, what was remarkable is that the 90 percent of these kids were able to sit there. Yeah, that I, the whole key was like you have to build trust with this little toddler in 30 seconds, right? To come off into a private little room and play with me, quote unquote, play with me. But they would sit there, they would answer questions, follow some directions, would be able to tell the steps of different activities like tell me all the steps you need when you washed your hands. Right? Or they'd be able to explain, some why questions like, why shouldn't you run in the house? so a two and a half and a three year old can answer these questions, can do this and comply. we had it down to a science, right? 12 to 15 minutes. But we would joke that these quote unquote average kids, typical healthy two and a half and three year old, they presented like geniuses. Why? It's because our perspective was skewed and that's why I loved doing these annual screenings with a broad range of kids. When you work with a child who's struggling, who's delayed. Has a deficit, then any part of progress was just exorbitantly, celebrated, right? The first time that they would start to follow simple directions or they would start to use a handful of words or they would, start to do turn taking with me with a puppet. or whatever. These very special progress steps were wonderful, but if we compared it to an 18 month old or a 24 month old or a 30 month old, those typical kids, quote unquote typical, the gap was huge. And so I thought it was one of the best experiences that I had for those, 15, 18 years, being able to do that and, and at least once a year get a reminder of what, what is just expected. So time is of the essence and you mama. are in charge. Your toddler's counting on you. I know that you got this. I know you also have questions and doubts. That's okay. That's understandable. I have answers. You can contact me. You can DM me. You can write me an email. I have contact information down below. Contact at hyerlearning. com. Hyer is my last name. H Y E R. you are the main catalyst for your toddler's Change, growth, and wellbeing. I can give you the tools, I can answer some questions, but you have to be open to implementing. So the, the first step is what is your current mindset? Do you believe that this is a gift from our creator and that you're wired to do this? Do you believe that you make a difference each and every day? Are you just waiting to see what unfolds or are you open to being proactive? Just be honest, make the shift, listen to your heart. I know that we're all built for this, even when it feels daunting, even when it's, it's really scary or overwhelming. Our creator knew what he was doing when He handed you this beautiful bundle of joy. So God bless you. Look at the links down below, email me, DM me, and I'll see you next time. Take care. Have a great week. Bye.