Your Toddler’s Brain Is Built at Night (Most Parents Miss This) Ep 149

What if the most powerful thing you could do for your toddler's development happened while they were asleep?

In this episode, licensed pediatric speech-language pathologist Erin Hyer breaks down the neuroscience of sleep in early childhood — and why it is the most underestimated factor in your child's brain development, language acquisition, and emotional health.

Drawing on Dr. Matthew Walker's landmark research and nearly 40 years of clinical practice, Erin explains what is actually happening in your toddler's brain overnight, why the science community is only now catching up to what clinicians have observed for decades, and what you can do — starting tonight — to protect it.

Note: everything in this episode applies to adults too. Dr. Walker's work is a lifetime argument for sleep. Erin just happens to believe the earliest years are where it matters most.

You'll hear: the glymphatic system explained in plain language · why toddlers wake more — and why that is normal · the 3 words that change bedtime entirely · 10 simple steps organized into three groups · and a story involving a 6'6" ex-Navy husband that every parent will recognize.

Grab the free 10-step printable guide below:

🔗  10 Simple Steps To Support Toddler Sleep 

👉 Book a Discovery Call 

These are FREE, one-to-one conversations designed to help determine what to focus on first - and whether a focused 6-week parent coaching format would be helpful for your family at this time. Not evaluations, not therapy - just space to reflect and be heard.

📥 Free resource:
The Top 10 Essential Skills Every Baby Needs Before Talking

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DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique — please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

📩 Questions: contact@HyerLearning.com
 🌐 www.HyerLearning.com

Transcript

Erin 0:00

The glymphatic system in your toddler is not just cleaning house each night, it's actually clearing the construction site so the next day's building work can begin. They're under construction. We're literally building those neuro pathways, those freeways and highways, and paving them over through his daytime work and his nighttime construction. We cannot afford to interrupt that process chronically. Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Did you know that just one hour of lost sleep in your toddler can cause measurable changes in their brain function the very next day affecting memory, mood, behavior, and even their ability to learn? And yet our culture treats toddler sleep like an afterthought. We normalize bedtime battles. We laugh off exhaustion. We say this is just how it is, but here's the truth. Your child's brain is under construction. And sleep is the actual architect. And here's the bonus. No one talks about enough. I think when your toddler sleeps well, so do you mom and dad. You can finally rest, reconnect, and show up as your best self every day. Everybody wins. I'm glad you're here to talk about this very important topic. I'm Erin, a pediatric speech language pathologist. With nearly 40 years in early child development, I study how the brain learns to learn how the everyday moments of your child's life literally wire their brain building neural pathways. I refer to them as freeways, but those pathways become more efficient and effective when the people who love them the most show up, slow down, and guide with intention. And here is what I know. After all of those years in practice, more than 60% of what we now label as developmental delays or even disorders are preventable. I know that's a big number, but hear me out. It's not after the fact. It's before we could prevent these issues before they even take root. And that is the work I am most passionate about now. So today we are going straight to one of the biggest, most underestimated levers in that prevention picture. Sleep. What do we really know about sleep? And how can we use it to benefit not just your baby and toddlers, but the whole family? So before we get into the heart of it all. Yeah. Everything I am about to share applies to every human brain at every age. I reference a lot of Matthew Walker's research. He's quite phenomenal, and he wrote this book, why We Sleep, but his research is not a toddler story. It's a human story. I focus on early child development because that's my expertise, but I also find that that's where the stakes are the highest. That's where the window is most open, and that's where we can really lay the foundation for his whole entire childhood and beyond. But if you're listening and you're thinking about your own sleep, that's good too because like I said, everything I say here applies to all of us. I'm just going to focus on your toddler and maybe your preschooler. The, the first piece that Dr. Walker really looks at is that sleep isn't optional. It is foundational to us being humans. And so with that in mind, I'm gonna cover five points that will help us, let set the stage right, and, and then we'll talk about what you can actually do. How can you take this information and create practical steps to implement and, and build the, the sleep hygiene, so to speak. So the first point is sleep. Like I said in the beginning, is construction, not rest. And you're probably thinking, what the heck does that really mean? Let me ask you something. When you finally get your toddler down at night and you tiptoe out of the room, what do you actually think is happening in their little brain? Most parents would say rest or recovery, quiet time. And although on the surface that's what it looks like, but here is what is actually happening. Underneath construction, the brain is constructing those neural pathways, building bridges and connection between different structures within our brain chemistry. So the moment your toddler closes their eyes and starts to fall deep asleep, the brain actually powers up. And like I said, this is true for all of us, but we're really looking at the new children who are just coming online. So neuro connections are being built and strengthened and pruned away. So those freeways are literally being paved and the pathways that will carry speech, attention, memory, organization, emotional regulation, and problem solving for the rest of their childhood, for the rest of their life. So the more consistently those freeways are built each night, the more efficiently your child can use them each day. So sleep is not downtime. And I know that that's a new piece of information for a lot of people. It's actually brain time, right? And it's, it's purging and consolidating and, and we're actually expanding the freeway system once we fall asleep. And we'll talk about what those patterns look like. That is why a well rested toddler seems lighter, calmer, more verbal, even more curious. And then you look at why a toddler who is running on poor sleep can seem off in every way. It's because their brain didn't get to finish what it started. Now, point number two, in setting the stage here. Is that the cost of getting this wrong really is much bigger than we, I think, as humans want to admit. I wanna be direct and clear with this because I spent decades watching family struggle with problems that did not have to happen. Ongoing disrupted sleep in young children is linked to mood instabilities, attention difficulties, language delays, and much higher risk of anxiety. Sleep is at the core of all of those issues. Those are not small things. Those are the exact struggles that landed families in my office with a two three. Six, eight, 10-year-old. And the, the issue is that often it, they came to me after these habits have been well established, and so we had to go back and rewire this. So I'm not saying this to frighten you, I'm saying it because you are here right now. You are a relatively new mom or dad or grandparent with a one or a two or a three, maybe a four or 5-year-old. That means you are at the establishment phase. You're in the perfect place to establish healthy habits. So take advantage. And I think it really matters so much more than most parents or professionals really tell you. So now point number three on setting this stage is that sleep is where language lives. So I want you to think about that. This one is close to my heart. Why is because I'm a speech language pathologist and this is the connection I have spent my entire career making. Looking at what happens when you're sleeping to, how do you show up the next day? Think about everything you do during the day to support your toddler's language, right? You narrate, you read, you sing, you dance around the kitchen, you get down on the floor and you talk through everything. You are doing a lot of heavy lifting, a lot of language and cognitive work, but here is what Dr. Matthew Walker's research confirms and what I actually observed clinically for decades before I thoroughly understood it. Practice followed by sleep leads to learning, not practice alone. But practice and then sleep. They go hand in hand. They have to work together. During deep sleep, the brain replays the entire day. The new words, the back and forth exchanges, the stories, the movement, the crawling, the walking, the climbing. It moves from short term experience in that frontal lobe all the way back to long term memory and storage. It files that information, it collects them, integrates them, throws out what's not necessary problem solve in that deep sleep. That is the growing architecture of language, which includes understanding, concept, building, vocabulary, relationships, all of it. You pour language in all day, and then sleep is what makes it stick. So if your child is working on language, and I'm pretty darn sure each toddler is, or they should be protecting sleep is not separate from your daytime job, it is the completion of it. They have to go hand in hand. So now the fourth point of laying this foundation or laying this setting the stage is that building routines build security. Toddlers are not being difficult at bedtime. They are being toddlers, which means they are wired for predictability. So consistency is how any young child experiences that security in any context. When bedtime follows the same sequence every night, bath, pajamas, books, prayers, lights out his or her body, learns to anticipate the sequence learns to understand what's expected. Melatonin releases earlier and cortisol drops. That's what a healthy cycle looks like. The nervous system begins winding down before you or your toddler even reach the bedroom because you're doing the same steps and they're like, oh, I've done this before. Oh, I know what I need to do. So beyond the biology, a bedtime routine is actually a nightly ritual of connection, and that's a big piece to the puzzle that I've been teaching parents for a long time. A lot of the angst and running around and, and pushing back of children is because they don't feel connected enough. but when you have these routines, you're saying to your child, your world is ordered. There's a pattern to it. You can feel safe because I'm here. I got you, and you don't have to worry about anything. Right. That message to me is its own kind of medicine. Right. If you can build that connection and build that understanding, they don't have to worry about what's going on in the living room or outside or, or any of that, right? A predictable bedtime is not about control, it's about security and feeling grounded. And security and safety is what allows your child to let go and rest. So think about that level of connection that you're building each and every night with your routine. Now, 0.5, in this lane of the setting, the stage, laying the foundation, is that your sleep is just as important as theirs. And I want to say this to you directly because I think moms mostly, but dads and grandparents will often dismiss the importance. And remember what I said in the beginning, everything that I share about why we sleep and the importance of it impacts all of us at any age. But mom, mostly dad and grandma, your sleep matters. Full stop. A sleep deprived parent is physiologically more reactive, less patient, and less emotionally available. That's just the nature of the beast. That's how we're wired. That is not a character flaw either. That is what sleep deprivation does to us, human beings and to our brain, right? And. I, I think it's important that we give ourself that grace, that that is just how we work and respect that and honor that. Everything I'm going to share today, the steps, the routines, the connection before sleep requires a version of you that is rested enough to show up. You cannot pour from an empty cup. I'm sure you've heard that phrase before. Protecting your sleep is not selfish. It's part of the plan. It's part of your lifestyle. Alright, so those were the five pieces to the, to the background that we have to kind of keep in mind when we walk through what really happens while your child sleeps. Before I show you the science, I wanna tell you where I was standing when I first began to understand this. Early in my career, I worked with adults recovering from traumatic brain injury. I think I've shared before that I didn't really care about kids too much, so I, I worked on an adult TBI traumatic brain injury unit in, in acute hospitals. But I watched something there that really struck me and, and really. Made me look at my whole field in a, in a different light, right? When we look at the adult who has a damaged brain and when we give them the right conditions, right therapy and a good night's rest and good input and stimulation, we can actually rebuild their whole neuro network. We can rewire. And build new pathways, either around the injury or let the injury section actually heal. And that was in early in my career back in Southern California in the early 1990s. Neuroplasticity was just beginning to be understood and accepted. There was actually a lot of pushback, probably for the next 10, 15 years that this, the science community was beginning to catch up with what we as clinicians had been observing in our work, right? That the brain is not fixed. Even when there's a traumatic brain injury, we can recover at least partially. So you have to look at the brain as not as a machine that can break and stay broken. It's actually a living system with, to me, a breathtaking capacity to grow and adapt and heal and build throughout our entire lifespan. But in my early career, I remember thinking, if we can heal an injured brain on an older person, what could we do if we actually shaped the young developing brain with more intention? So I started to put those two things together that with a healthy mindset. When we go into parenting or early child development and to study what does it take to nourish that young developing brain? And that question changed everything about my work, my career, and my practice. I shifted from adult adults to young children because honestly it gave me a lot more hope, um, and I thought, ah, I want to get ahead of it. I want to prevent more than rehabilitate. And that's why now after 40 years, I still genuinely get excited talking about what happens inside your toddler's brain while they're sleeping. Because here is something I have learned to count on. Science is about 18 to 20 years. Science meaning research. It's about 18 to 20 years behind what we observe clinically in our practice or even what the average person sees. Anecdotally, in everyday life, if a person changes their lifestyle or or tweaks their daily habit, how can we modify and enhance our brain, our body, our whole system, right? But I was there when neuroplasticity was on the fringe, and now I watched it move to being pretty foundational, right? I've watched this happen more than once, and this brings me to the discovery that I believe belongs in this same category that every parent of a young child deserves to understand. I need you to stay with me for a while, while, while I share a little science here, because it's at the core of everything and, and, and it's new and emerging as well. So back in 2012, a neuroscientist named Dr. Macon Negar, N-E-D-E-R-G-A-A-R-D, Negar at the University of Rochester, made a remarkable discovery. She actually identified what she called the glymphatic system. That's with A-G-G-L-Y-M-P-H-A-T-I-C glymphatic, and that's the brain's own dedicated waste clearing process. And it only. Activates while we sleep. So here's what happens while we sleep. The spaces between the brain cells actually expand and cerebral spinal fluid flows through, flushing out the toxic proteins that accumulate during the day while we live our lives, thinking, learning, working, all of it, the proteins she identified are mostly associated with Alzheimer's. So the brain is literally running several cleaning cycles every single night during our sleep. Dr. Netta guard's analogy was looking at it as a dishwasher, and I think that's spot on because the brain cycles through these phases and you can think of the dishwasher. There's a pre rinse, a wash, a rinse, a dry. They have to go through these phases and it needs to complete the full cycle to do its job. So her work was initially studied with adults, but now researchers are beginning to examine the glymphatic system in children. And what's emerging, I think, is beginning to raise significant questions because if disrupted sleep in the adult brain accelerates toxic buildup, which then result in cognitive decline like Alzheimer's or dementia or Parkinson's, what does chronic sleep disruption do to a brain that is not? Yet fully onboard that it's not just maintaining like an adult brain, but it's actually in the process of building itself. This is the connection I began drawing several years ago and, and I'm always looking at the young developing brain with similar lens of what happens when there's an injury, right? Whether it was in my former days with adult, traumatic brain injury, or now when we're looking at the rise in dementia and Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, what compromises a mature brain seems to cause the new developing young, immature brain to become more vulnerable. So I just want you to think about those. Pieces, and this is where I am coming from. The glymphatic system in your toddler is not just cleaning house each night, it's actually clearing the construction site so the next day's building work can begin. Because go back to what I said in the beginning. They're under construction. We're literally building those neuro pathways, those freeways and highways, and paving them over through his daytime work and his nighttime construction. Neuro freeways are being paved, language pathways are being laid. Emotional regulation circuits are being wired. And, and you can look at it as both the right hemisphere where that emotional, um, environmental understanding nonverbal elements and the left hemisphere where speech and speech sounds, language concepts, processing speed, both hemispheres are being coded and wired. We cannot afford to interrupt that process chronically. And, and we do have to understand what, what the, the stages of sleep are. We know that the first six months is different than, you know, the second six months and so on and so forth, but the research in children is still emerging, and we're really just now tapping into understanding what the pros and cons are. But I think the clinical pattern has been visible for a long time. We just have to be willing to pay attention, and I've never really felt comfortable in accepting sleep issues with a toddler or a preschooler because I know what it's doing to the brain underneath, and I know what it compromises on the next day. So what is actually happening during those overnight hours? Well, let me kind of just lay it down. The brain cycles through two distinct stages of sleep, and maybe you've heard some of this. I'm just going to outline it for us so we can understand what's happening in your baby's brain and, and how can we. Nurture that and nourish that and honor that, right? So there are two stages of sleep. There's the non REM sleep, which is non rapid eye movement sleep, and then there's the REM sleep, which is rapid eye movement sleep. And those are two phases. These repeat multiple times every night. Each pass is doing specific irreplaceable work and there's a purpose. So the non REM sleep is the physical restoration stage, and this is where your body repairs tissue, it builds the immune system and strengthens it. It, it, um, inspires or triggers growth hormone release. And this is literally where your toddler is growing overnight. Right, and, and that's an important phase that we have to honor and respect. And it's when the glymphatic system is most active, it's running its deepest cleaning cycles during the non REM sleep stage. Now, REM sleep is the cognitive engine, and as a speech language pathologist, this is the stage that never stops. Fascinating me. This is where emotional processing happens. Where new words that your child heard that day actually get consolidated and pulled into long-term memory. It's where experiences get sorted and filed and integrated into the brain's growing architecture and whatever milestone they're working through, whether it's rolling over or crawling or those first words, or putting words together or following directions, all of those are being consolidated during the sleep hours. And, and you can think about it as where during the day those neural pathways are being, built, but at night That's where the neural freeways are actually getting paved. There's also a lot of pruning going on, so they're throwing out literal garbage at nighttime, you know, old protein cells, but also elements that they don't need as they move forward. But think about this whole stage as brain growth, memory consolidation, emotional regulation and language acquisition. Every one of these milestones is built inside those sleep cycles. So please, I know it's hard to wrap our minds around this, but it's not rest. It's literally continued construction from the day's work. So try to understand. How significant this all is. And here's something that I think does surprise most parents, because when I talk to parents, they're like, wow, I never thought of it that way. Your toddler sleep cycles typically run 40 to 50 minutes. And when we compare that to our sleep cycles, which is usually about 90 minutes, so like I said in the beginning, everything I'm sharing here is true for all of us. So when you compare a 40 or 50 minute sleep cycle to a, an adult 90 minute sleep cycle, it's still the same architecture. So it's the same glymphatic cleaning, the same REM and non REM sleep stages. It's with your baby and toddler. It's just running at a faster pace because their cycles are shorter. And they spend more time in lighter active sleep than toddlers, naturally will surface between cycles more often. So I want you to think about that. If we're, our whole cycle is 90 minutes, but there is half that, then they aren't broken. They're not bad sleepers, but they can wake up between cycles ever so slightly, and that happens more often only because they have faster cycles. Their brains are simply running a faster dishwasher. Think of it that way. So the goal, and this is where your role, I think becomes very, very powerful, is to help them learn to resettle at the end of each cycle. Rather than needing a full restart from you each time. And for that first year, you're just working toward that, they're going to need you for those first 6, 8, 12 months. And then it should start to level off. And the reason is, as you're building this, it, it's twofold. It is biological, right? There's a maturity happening inside, but there's also a skill, And when we get further down to the practical steps, I'll talk about what are some things that you can do to build that skill from the outside in. So as babies move through three to six month window, those cycles begin to consolidate and they, they get a little bit longer, but deep sleep will begin to lengthen and sleep quality improves as well. And there's a lot of biology going on here, but this isn't magic, it's maturation. And the maturation is built on the, the natural biology that God designed us to have, as well as the environment exposure. Right? And it's supported by everything you do consistently in your environment, around your sleep cycles or around your sleep habits, right? So on that, um, let's look at the design behind it. All right. And where I land after 40 years of a lot of science and honestly a lot of deep and abiding faith because I look at the science and I look at my faith and I say, God designed us to sleep one third of our lives on purpose, right? And, and with your babies and toddlers, it's actually half of their day, right? So for the first five or six years, it's half of their life. I don't think that's accidental. I think it was intentional architecture, a built in restoration system that God made us humans need. And it, and you can look at it as a, a nightly reset for the, the most complex, rapidly developing structure that's known in the universe, our brain. Right. Especially when you look at a baby and a toddler in a preschool where they're learning so much and honestly, we are just beginning to understand it. Like I said, the whole glymphatic work just came to light in early 2012, 2013, and now in 20 24, 20 25, we're taking that science and applying it to children. The glymphatic system. Was not documented until 2012. Neuroplasticity was not widely accepted until the late 1990s, early two thousands. So every decade science catches up a little bit more, and every time it does, it confirms what careful observers, attentive moms and dads, you know, professionals that just study children. We have been quietly seen, right? God's design runs ahead of our ability to fully comprehend, and that to me is, is not really frustrating. I think it's quite beautiful because as science becomes more and more, you know, science and technology and research becomes more and more. Pragmatic. It only highlights what God's natural design was. So when we chronically short circuit sleep with late bedtimes or inconsistent bedtime, chaotic routines, or screens before bed, we are not just creating tired, cranky toddlers. We're interrupting the design and here's why that matters. For everything else I'm going to share today, a a well rested brain receives language differently than an exhausted one. Right? Connection lands differently when the nervous system has been restored. The words you offer during the day take root more deeply in your child who has slept. So honor that sleep. It is doing more than you'll ever know. So I want to share something personal here because I think it matters that you hear not just what I teach, but how I've lived it. So I was nearly 40 years old when we had our daughter, and that means I had 15 years of clinical practice. I had spent well over a decade watching a lot of shifts in early child development, and more children were struggling, more families were being reactive instead of preventive. More problems that I began to to look at. They didn't have to happen. Right? That, that we, our lifestyle was changing and our kids were getting the aftermath, right? Prevention had stopped being a philosophy for me at that point, and I started looking at it more as my conviction that what can we do differently to prevent these kids from falling off that cliff? So my husband and I came to parenthood with much more intentionality than I think the average parent, that we thought carefully about the environment. We wanted to raise her, and we created it on purpose, right? Not from a place of fear, but just really from a place of knowing. So our daughter didn't grow up with tv. We ate real nutrient-dense meals together as a family right from the beginning. It, it was, you know, no special kids menu. There was no all day grazing. We, we built everything that I had been learning and teaching through my clinical work. And, our daughter, you know, played outside every day. Her toys were simple. Uh, we read to her early and often, and the truth is, our connection was the most important. And her imagination was really kind of the center of her, her growing and learning and playing. It wasn't to be stimulated, but how could she express her imagination and grow from the inside out? And so I wanna be clear. We built that lifestyle and none of it felt like a sacrifice. Not the tv, not the, the meals together, not the outdoor play, not getting messy. All of it really felt more like an alignment of who we were and what we were trying to build. And it felt like what we knew to be true and that we wanted to do our best to live it out. So we had almost, without realizing, already eliminated most of the disruptors that I will share with you today and, that I share inside of a lot of my episodes here, because, you know, now we're looking at it 25 years later, but. We, we created that lifestyle, not because we followed a program, But because my husband and I understood what the developing brain actually needed, or at least we felt like we understood a lot more of it, right? And, and therefore we looked at sleep as a natural part of that lifestyle, right? So the truth is our daughter did very well. She really did, and I have nothing to complain about, especially in that first year. But there was a period when she was around eight months old and she hit this developmental leap. A lot of things were going on, right? We were weaning her off the breast in the bottle. She was really working hard on crawling. She was kind of stuck at that stage for a while and. Looking back now, her sleep took a big hit, which meant that our sleep took a big hit. And there were several, several weeks, probably a couple of months where it was disruptive, right? That there were constant night wakings unsettled cycles and that we were all more and more exhausted. Exhausted, right. But I also knew that it wasn't a crisis, that it was challenging, but it was going to be okay once we got on the other side. So I had been away on a short business trip and came home late one night, and my husband met me at the front door. Now, I want you to picture this man. He was committed, strong, loving, deeply, deeply patient, six foot six, former navy, not someone who rattles easily. He was my rock. But he looked at me, he handed me our daughter, and said, now I understand why they use sleep deprivation with POWs. It took me a second and then I really just burst out laughing because I fully understood how he felt and what he meant by that statement. And the truth is, we still laugh about that season, right? 25 years later. But here's what I want you to take from it. Even in a home that has done almost everything, right, A home built on prevention, on connection, on everything. We knew that I was practicing, that I was applying and it trying to implement sleep, still had its season, not because we had failed or that she had failed, but because infant sleep biology doesn't negotiate. Those short cycles, the frequent surfacing the night wakings. That is the developing brain doing exactly what it's designed to do, and it humbles everyone. The difference is not whether hard seasons come, the difference is knowing why they are happening, knowing that they are temporary, and knowing what to do as you work through them. That is what I want to give you today. Not a promise that it will be easy, but the knowledge and some tools to move you through it with confidence and to protect what matters most along the way. So let's walk through 10 simple steps that you can use to support your toddler's sleep. But before we kind of outline them, I want you to know, you do not have to memorize a single thing that I'm gonna share here. I've put all 10 steps onto a free one page, PDF guide designed that you could just print up and put on your refrigerator and refer to. So you know, you can grab it in the link down in the description notes. It's my gift to you. So you can relax, you can listen, and you can think. So the 10 steps might seem like a lot,'cause 10 is a big number. But when you see them grouped as I put them together, you will realize that you are probably already doing several of them. And so this is not a list of everything you are doing wrong. It is a map of what works, and basically an invitation to be a little more intentional about your sleep routine. So let's look at the first group, and I call it the rhythm, right? The first three steps are about the rhythm of your evening building, the predictable structure that your child's nervous system is genuinely hungry for. So step number one, a consistent bedtime period. Please understand how critical that is for your babies and toddlers and children at any age, but also you and me. Right? To set a regular bedtime somewhere between six 30 and 8:00 PM is typical. You can adjust according to your home life, but once you said it, protect it. Not as a rule, but as a gift. Your toddler circadian rhythm responds to consistency and over time, a reliable bedtime makes falling asleep easier, faster, and calmer for everyone. So pick your time and respect it now. Step number two, a calming routine, bath pajamas, books. Prayers lights out, right? Or whatever simple steps you can put together that they can begin to work through and feel the same sequence every night. And what you do dad has to do and what dad does, grandma and grandpa have to do, right? That predictability is not boring to your toddler. It's actually deeply reassuring. Their body learns to read the cues and begins preparing for sleep before you even reach the bedroom. Okay? Step number three, and remember, I'll have these in a handout down below. Protect daytime naps, and this is a big one in, in my discovery calls, my one-to-one coaching, and even in my small mom's group, we're talking a lot about naps. But at this early stage, under two especially, don't rush to drop the nap. I see this as a mistake and it almost always backfires because daytime sleep improves nighttime sleep, and there's a lot of research around that, that they are not in competition with one another. Because an overti, an overtired toddler is harder to settle at night, not easier. And I know that's hard for a lot of parents to to understand, but trust the nap. It's doing more than what it really looks like, because remember, they're learning so much during their day. They need those anchors and remember what's happening during their sleep cycle. And so if you can break up their days into these chunks, then that sleep is doing its job as well. Now, the second group I refer to as the environment, right? So these next four steps are about the environment and what you can do, right? What surrounds your child during the hours that lead up to sleep and while they sleep. So step number four is a daily outdoor time because we know now, especially from Dr. Matthew Walker's work, but a lot of sleep researchers now, the natural light is one of the most powerful and underused tool for healthy sleep. And again, it's true for your babies and toddlers and you and me. Even 20 minutes outside during the day helps regulate your toddler's body clock and burns energy in the best possible way. So sunlight mostly in the morning would be the best way to trigger that. But sunlight and fresh air are free medicine, and they work. We've known this, and the more we move inside into artificial light and artificial play and artificial this, the less we get that natural medicine and, and honing of our our rest cycles. Now step number five. No screens under 36 months. And I wanna be direct here because this is something I feel strongly about. And to me it's non-negotiable, especially as a clinician. I do not recommend screens for children under 36 months. And I know that many people think differently, but what my responsibility is to give you the best information that we have. But especially at bedtime, and especially not in the morning. And also, and I talked a lot about this, we don't want a TV in the background, right? And we don't wanna use it as a reward. So when you're looking at screen time under 36 months, it disrupts if it's at bedtime or in the morning. If there's a constant chronic background noise on, and if you use it as a reward, none of that is going to be beneficial. The developing brain under three is wired for real world input. Your face, your voice movement, touch language, building that relationship in real time screens cannot replicate that. Early screen exposure interferes with language acquisition, certainly disrupts attention development and sleep architecture in ways that the research is increasingly clearer and clearer. So I will go deeper on this in a future episode, but for now, under 36, no screens And I know it's hard for some people to hear, but I think it's pretty simple. It's not complicated. It's clear you want to protect your little ones Number or step six is the nutrient dense dinner. And what your child eats in the evening directly affects how they sleep. And again, this is true for you and me, but we're talking about your little ones. A balanced dinner protein, healthy, fat, slow releasing carbohydrates. It stabilizes blood sugar throughout the night and reduces the night wakings that come from hunger or sugar crashes. So think real food eaten together, shared around the table, get that connection. And make that your standard. Okay. Step seven, a sleep friendly room. So think of cool and dark and quiet. So depending on where you live and the time of year and all of that, blackout curtains might be important. At least dark curtains. Right. And I think when my daughter, when we moved to Vermont, um, we bought some, they weren't really blackout curtains. Maybe they were, but they were insulated and they were heavy and dark. Um, but also no toys that light up or make noise in the bedroom. And if you use a nightlight, use amber tones because that, that mimics the sunset tones. That's what we want. they're the least disruptive for melatonin production and. I want to make a special note on white noise machines. I am planning actually a whole episode on baby gadgets that I think are more disruptive than helpful. and ironically, these gadgets have a lot to do with sleep, trying to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep, but what genuinely helps and what actually might be harmful. So for now, in the white noise machines, if you use them, please keep them under 50 decibels and you, there's actually an app for your phone that you can test the decibels. Also, you should always position them at least seven feet from the crib and never ever inside the crib. Because that typically can rise to 85 decibels, which can interfere with their hearing. Also, do not run it all night long, and as I said, I will have another episode where I dive deep into the pros and cons of these machines. But machines that place inside are too loud and especially if they run all night long. So think of it also as more of a transition tool, and so once your baby has fallen too, sleep and they're not moving or fidgeting, then turn it off. Right? Do not run it all night long. And like I said, I will have a future episode on this, but the third group, these are the last three steps is really about you, right? Your presence, your timing, and your energy at bedtime. This is where I think it all comes together, right? So step eight is really about having connection before sleep. And I mentioned this earlier, earlier, that babies and toddlers really need to feel connected. That your toddler needs to feel emotionally full before they can let go and rest on their own, especially. So a few minutes of genuine one-to-one connection before the lights are out, or as you dim the lights, right? Not distracted, not rushed, But true connection can prevent more bedtime drama than almost any other single thing I've shared here. Right? I have a framework I come back to again and again when I work with my families, when I do my one-on-one consults, but these three words, when you bring them into the bedtime routine, I think change everything. And so the first is to be present, right? To put your phone down to in the room with them, to let your child feel that this time is theirs, that you are connecting and filling up his emotional cup so he can let go and rest. The second is to be purposeful, To know why you're doing each step, to have a plan to not wing it. to bring calm intention to your evening routine. And then the third is to be playful. And this, you have to be thoughtful as well, right? It's not running around the room or jumping on the bed or having a pillow fight. It's using a silly voice where you're reading the book. It's, you know, a soft tickle or a nuzzle before the last hug. It's that playfulness that fills his or her emotional tank. And a child whose tank is full does not need to fight bedtime to get more connection. That's usually why they go running down the hallway. But mama, mama, mama, mama, they don't have a full cup, right? So please hear that the toddler who fights bedtime usually needs more connection with you. So it goes to my three Ps to be present and purposeful and playful. When you show up with those three, your child will follow your lead. Okay? Step number nine is a hard one, but if you're strategic, you can do this. So start this process before your child is overtired. And here's something I think most parents that I've worked with are surprised. Waiting until your toddler is melting down. To start the bedtime process means that you've already waited too long. You cross that threshold. An overtired child is harder to settle, not easier. And we sometimes think, or we've been told or we've been encouraged, you know, to tire him or her out. That never works earlier, bedtimes lead to faster, calmer sleep onset. There's just a ton of evidence to support that. So watch for the first signs of tiredness, especially in these early stages while you're trying to figure this out. Whe, where is that sweet spot, right? Are they rubbing their eyes? Do they kind of slow down? Are they in a quieter mood? Are they getting a little clingy? Begin the routine there. Start before the meltdown or the crankiness, right? And then the final step 10 is that your energy is a huge variable. This, I think might be one of the most important steps that maybe you start here and it has nothing to do with what you do. It has everything to do with how you show up that because we know our children mirror our nervous system. When you approach bedtime with quiet confidence firm, but warm, clear, but kind, they learn to trust the routine and they begin to settle more easily each time. So when you approach it frazzled or uncertain, they pick up on that too. Consistency is the kindest thing that you can offer your toddler, not perfection, not rigid rules, just showing up the same way night after night, so they know what to expect from you, and then they know how to respond. So remember those 10 things are on A PDF in the description down below. So check'em out, keep them and look at them. Right? So I wanna close with this. Everything we have covered today, the glymphatic system, the sleep cycles, the 10 steps, it's all pointing at the same thing. Your child whose brain is being built. Well, a family whose home is a place of restoration. A parent who shows up, not just surviving, but genuinely present. I know some seasons are harder than others and I know there are nights when none of this feels simple or reachable or doable. I've been there, my husband has been there memorably. So, and I want to say one more time, everything we've covered here today. The glymphatic system, the cycles, the routine, the connection. None of it stops mattering when your child turns five or 15 or 40. Remember that that Dr. Walker's work is a lifetime argument for sleep for all of us. I just happened to specialize in these early years, and I believe that if you get it right in these earliest years, you set a pattern that serves your child throughout childhood and into adulthood. They take it with them in their adult life for the rest of their life. So this is what I want you to carry with you today. As we close, you are not just surviving these years. You are shaping the future. Every bedtime routine you build, every screen you turn off, every quiet moment you offer, every time you show up, present and purposeful and playfully, you are building something that will outlast this season. When you protect sleep, you protect your child's developing brain. You protect their emotional health, you protect your own capacity to love them well. And here's the beautiful truth of prevention. You don't have to wait until something is broken to start. You can start tonight. One simple step, one routine. Look at those 10 and say, okay, what do I need to tweak one signal to your child's brain and. That rest is safe and comfortable and that they're loved. Let's reclaim sleep, not as a luxury, but as a family value. You can start today, and if any of this resonated with you, if you're ready to stop hoping that sleep happens and start building a home where it does, I would love to walk alongside you. It's an excellent way to take advantage of my free 20 minute discovery call. If you have questions, right? If you're not sure where to start, or maybe you're doing some things, but you can't be consistent, we can talk about all of that, The link to schedule is down below. Come as you are. No homework required, no perfect sleep situation. Just bring your questions and we will figure out what the next right step is because here's the thing I want you to hear before we sign off here. This does not have to be as complicated as everyone makes it to be, right? You see all over social media, sleep training camps, right? Co-sleeping debates, cry it out arguments. Most of that noise exists because people are solving the wrong problem. You protect sleep, you build the routine. You show up consistently. most of the drama takes care of itself. You don't need a perfect system. You need someone in your corner who understands how your child's brain actually develops And help you see that you're closer than you think. That's why I'm here. That's why I show up each week. Thanks for trusting me with your time. Now go get some rest. You earned it. I'll see you in the next talking toddlers. God bless.