Today my conversation with Kelsey Edwards, highlights the power and freedom that we reclaim when we bravely extract ourselves from outdated beliefs, patterns and relationship dynamics. Our dialogue meanders from Kelsey's courageous exit from the Mormon church to the universal tug towards authenticity and compassion, all while the chords of "Life in a Box" strike a chord with anyone yearning to break free from confining narratives.
Venturing further, we lay bare the tangled webs of food, body image, and mental health. I get candid about my brush with orthorexia and the delicate dance of mindful eating, opening up a space for listeners to reflect on their own paths to balance. Then, the spotlight shifts to the art of manifestation. I recount my own awakening to the power of subconscious reprogramming and the profound impact of aligning our subconscious with our conscious desires.
As we near the close of our journey, the conversation ebbs towards the evolution of relationships and belief systems. We discuss how friendships can mirror familial ties and sometimes require a brave reassessment, and how the principles of manifestation can help shape our connections to better reflect our inner world.
Kelsey's story of navigating faith and forging new dreams outside the church's embrace further enriches our episode, promising more depth in the episodes to come. Join us for this vibrant tapestry of personal transformation and discover how to weave your own reality in the Manifestation Lab.
Connect with Kelsey:
www.courses.kelseyedwards.co
www.instagram.com/kelseymarieedwards
www.youtube.com/kelseyedwards
www.tiktok.com/@kelseymarieedwards
Today my conversation with Kelsey Edwards, highlights the power and freedom that we reclaim when we bravely extract ourselves from outdated beliefs, patterns and relationship dynamics. Our dialogue meanders from Kelsey's courageous exit from the Mormon church to the universal tug towards authenticity and compassion, all while the chords of "Life in a Box" strike a chord with anyone yearning to break free from confining narratives.
Venturing further, we lay bare the tangled webs of food, body image, and mental health. I get candid about my brush with orthorexia and the delicate dance of mindful eating, opening up a space for listeners to reflect on their own paths to balance. Then, the spotlight shifts to the art of manifestation. I recount my own awakening to the power of subconscious reprogramming and the profound impact of aligning our subconscious with our conscious desires.
As we near the close of our journey, the conversation ebbs towards the evolution of relationships and belief systems. We discuss how friendships can mirror familial ties and sometimes require a brave reassessment, and how the principles of manifestation can help shape our connections to better reflect our inner world.
Kelsey's story of navigating faith and forging new dreams outside the church's embrace further enriches our episode, promising more depth in the episodes to come. Join us for this vibrant tapestry of personal transformation and discover how to weave your own reality in the Manifestation Lab.
Connect with Kelsey:
www.courses.kelseyedwards.co
www.instagram.com/kelseymarieedwards
www.youtube.com/kelseyedwards
www.tiktok.com/@kelseymarieedwards
Welcome to the Manifestation Lab. This is your host, kelly Howe. From the grounded science to the mystical and unseen, we're investigating this big experiment we call life and finding what really works when it comes to manifesting a life that sets your heart and your soul on fire. Welcome to the lab. Alright, friends, can you feel it? We are in a major transformative time right now. I know we see it all over the place in our external world, but this is going on internally for every single one of us.
Speaker 1:We have recently had the planet Pluto, which is the planet of death and rebirth, move into the sign of Aquarius. Now, this has been happening since last year some would argue even a little bit before that but it's really going to settle into Aquarius by the end of the year and it's going to stick around there for the next 20 years. Now what does this mean? I, as somebody who I love astrology I'm certainly not an astrology expert, but I have gone deeper and deeper into my knowledge of what's going on in the sky and I'm really fascinated by this, because Pluto is truly in pursuit of truth and power and excavating anything that blocks the truth. I keep hearing people in astrologers refer to Pluto as sort of this wrecking ball that comes in and breaks down old and busted systems. Now this wrecking ball has moved into the sign of Aquarius, and Aquarius is really focused on people. It's focused on the collective, the higher perspective, on humanitarianism. It's all about freedom and individuality and giving the space for each of us, as individuals, to be who we came here to be, but to do it in a way that is really for the highest good of the collective.
Speaker 1:It's really super exciting for those of us that do deep transformational work. It's like this time period is what we do. This is going to be showing up on the inside and the outside, whether you know it or not. So what this looks like is breaking out of the box, shifting stories, changing beliefs about what's possible, challenging status quo, rethinking paradigms, reimagining what the truth actually is. What is the truth? Going deeper, breaking apart and dissecting the things that we thought were functional and getting rid of the pieces and parts that don't work and putting it back together in a whole new way. It's a really, really exciting time, but I have to tell you, we're all feeling this internally, and here's what this looks like. It's like, whether you know it or not, we're all taking a really deep look at our life and the way we do things and there's kind of this awakening of like I don't know if I can keep doing it in this way. I need to upgrade, I need to be more efficient, I need to be more compassionate, I need to reach more people, I need to shift my system so that I can be more loving with each of the people that I'm with Right, and this either happening internally, sort of on a more conscious level, or the universe is doing this for you and coming through and saying nope, nope, nope, nope. This isn't going to work anymore and it's sort of breaking that apart for you and it's a little bit more of a rough transition into this kind of energy. So I'm not going to go deeper in this today.
Speaker 1:However, it is the perfect transition into my conversation today with Kelsey Edwards. Kelsey is a singer, songwriter, actress, mental health advocate just a super old soul. We have a great time talking about these moments that we're talking about right now, these life shifting moments where you wake up and you see the world and you see yourself in a new way and you can't go back to life because you knew it. I always kind of get this vision of Rachel and friends right and she's like, oh, I can't not look at it. It's like I can't not see it. I can't not see the way that the world is broken, the way that my systems internally are broken, the way that I talk to myself, the way that I do things Like it's just not working anymore. So we have to acknowledge that and stop denying it and give it some care and some love and some compassion and then brush away the things that aren't working. This is happening all over the world and people are saying that this shift is really going to break down some of these systems that maybe worked for a while but aren't working for us anymore on a global scale. So our conversation really isn't about astrology at all, but I just really wanted to bring that in, because we do talk about transformation and what it's like to back away from family paradigms, religious paradigms, beliefs that we've held our entire life that are absolutely not true. It is, it can be shocking and it can be a lot and it takes an incredible amount of courage, and this young lady has recently left the Mormon church and her story is so inspiring. She is just really wise beyond her years. You can catch her on her new comedy TV series underdeveloped on 2BTV or Amazon Prime, and she also has an online course called squad goals. I'll drop links to all this stuff in the show notes, so you'll just want to check it out there. But to kick off our conversation, kelsey also released a song last year called life in a box, and I'm kind of obsessed with it, so I wanted to play a little bit for you and then we'll segue right into our conversation. So it's great to be back with you guys.
Speaker 1:I know I mentioned in my last episode that I was really focusing on being more consistent and have seriously failed that this Pluto in Aquarius is really really, really shaking my life in all the ways that I mentioned before, but I also had this clarity after I made that comment. It's like I think that as much as I want to dedicate my time to the podcast and be here with you, I also look at these like a work of art, and sometimes you just can't rush art. It's like I want to be like the other podcasters and I want to pump out one or two episodes a week and I it feels like that's kind of a way that I'm shoulding myself right, like I should be doing this and I should be doing that, and so I still set the goal to be more consistent. But I just am feeling again like things are shifting and transitioning and I don't know what that looks like for the future. Other than, I'm really considering this energetic communication with you, like I said, like a work of art and I'm putting less pressure on myself to be consistent because I think that each episode is truly special and I want to honor that and continue to bring you that kind of vibe and that kind of energy. So, all right, enjoy this song. You all are going to love this and I'll catch you in the conversation, thank you.
Speaker 1:I Want to start with saying I know you are a dedicated manifestor and I want to congratulate you on your most recent show, under underdeveloped, is that right? Yeah, thank you, I'm so exciting. And then I also wanted to bring up, because I didn't want to forget, your latest song, life in a box. Have to look. Life in a box. Oh my god, that is so beautiful, kelsey. I just I listened to it and I tear up and I think so many people that have kind of taken that a challenging and complicated path of really stepping outside of what our Original belief system is is is not always easy, and I think so many of us can relate to that, like being stuffed in a box and beat the discomfort there. So thank you for that. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2:Oh well, thank you for like taking the time to listen to my song. That really means a lot. And thank you for, yeah, checking it out.
Speaker 1:So I really absolutely, I'm a music person. I it moves me so deeply so I was happy to pop on and I now have you subscribed on my Spotify channel and I gotta make sure I'm subscribed to the podcast as well.
Speaker 2:I want to. I want to follow support, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I want to start with. You know you mentioned that you had left the Mormon church recently and I don't want to make the whole conversation about that, but I do like our listeners to Well. In fact, I could probably talk to you for hours about that because I know there's so many layers there, but but I do like our listeners to know where you've been and when you've you know the fires you've been forged in. So maybe you could start with just talking about your childhood and your upbringing in the Mormon church and kind of what that looked like, and you know if we can get to it like what was it that sparked you to be like I gotta get out of here, this isn't resonant anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can definitely talk about that. So you want me to start talking about that and then just kind of see where we go from there? Yeah, absolutely, I'm gonna turn my monitor up, just to here because I can't hear you very well.
Speaker 1:There we go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean wherever feels organic for you to say, like you know, this is where my life Well, I guess you know this is where I'm gonna go. I guess you know this is what my childhood looked like in the Mormon church. And you know, particularly because I know you're a mental health advocate and you're as passionate I am about you know, normalizing stress, anxiety, other mental health conditions right, and just like putting it out there, let's talk about it. So I guess, how did the Mormon church and the belief systems lead to a lifetime of working with anxiety and things like that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I was. I was born and raised in San Antonio and I grew up in the Mormon church, even Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my two brothers and older brother and brother and right in the middle and the only girl, and yeah, we, we actually were homeschooled to which it's like bring up in Texas is one thing, but growing up and being homeschooled it's like a completely different ballgame. I kind of I feel like I grew up in somewhat of like a little echo chamber Bubble that, like often, my beliefs were like reflected back to me not only in the home but church, with homeschooling as well. So, yeah, it's, it's. It was an interesting experience to be in like such a place where the only place my beliefs were challenged were a few of my friends outside of my homeschool group, and they didn't have many friends outside of my group, but I had a few, and also I was a child actor, so we would like Film sets and you know, go, grow up, going to auditions, grow up in theaters, grow up and all these things. So we we have a very interesting childhood just in the way that Not only were we homeschooled but we also really traveling all over the country like filming movies and doing like plays and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So it was really fun that I think like being homeschooled cons I definitely think there's it. For me it was perfect. It gave me a lot of freedom. It also was really challenging for me To not have like a really set structure, I think, but like I was behind in my school in and I often and I realized that now as an adult that I but just looking back on my childhood and being like that's why that was so hard for me, because I was this and this and this thing. So, anyway, that's kind of like a brief summary of my childhood in Texas, just like being a child actor and being home schooled.
Speaker 1:But not necessarily the most normal.
Speaker 2:quote unquote normal no, it's really not. Yeah, my brother's not got really close to that Like we're really close friends and yeah, I love my family. I'm grateful for the way that we grew up.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how does it? How did it? You know, growing up with not necessarily a quote, unquote normal structure you know I hate using that word, but certainly very different from like a day-to-day life that my kids lead. So how did that lack of structure eventually lead to, and like, being a child actress and going to auditions and things start to lead towards anxiety and, you know, in combination with the pressures of being in the Mormon church and the schedule that you kept?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I think as an adult I have really anxiety is a very normal part of my life and I've had better coping skills. Now I've better like tools and things like that that I know how to use now, but as a teenager and as a kid I didn't quite understand, I think. I think one of my biggest sources of anxiety as a kid was always feeling like I was behind, like I was like cool or like I wasn't, as, yeah, I had a scheduler, I wasn't learning my things or I wasn't smart enough or whatever. I was always so worried about that and always felt really anxious about that. And then also I was a very devout member of the LDS church, of the Mormon church, and I was very faithful, very righteous, like they call it, a Molly Mormon in the church, which is basically just like someone who follows all of the rules to a T, like doesn't break any rules. Like you know, I was so worried about being perfect. That was like one of my main goals was like how can I just be the most righteous, the most converted, the most perfect, you know, kid, possible, daughter of God, all of these things? So my anxiety ate up like very intensely in a few ways as a kid, not only education standpoint, but also from my faith, wanting to be this perfect girl all the time, and I was always so anxious about that. And then also, yes, I'm in the film industry, so like there's a lot of anxiety there too, and like competition, and they get the part like am I good enough? Am I too heavy? Am I? You know? I look right, like did I? You know you get so invested in a role that you want a book and you may or may not get it, or whatever.
Speaker 2:And then you're like, so there was a lot of anxiety that played inside, and also familial anxiety as well. Like my family, my dad and my mom, like their marriage was not good as a kid and I was aware of that, you know my dad ended up leaving when I was 14, 15, I was 15 when he left, and you know that was like my family as well, and just like we had nothing. You know my dad left, we didn't have money and we didn't have anything. So, like you know, my teenagers and my kids were like very raw for a number of different ways or in a number of different ways, and I I don't know I'm obviously like it's interesting to make those patterns now, because, of course, not really the same things as an adult, but like it's still there. So I've had to, like you, know how to cope with it now.
Speaker 1:Definitely. I mean everything that you talked about already and we have just barely scratched the surface is, you know, a lot for a kid to take in and to take on. I mean just the film industry all by itself, with body image issues and the idea of doing auditions and not getting the part. I can't imagine that kind of rejection and how that would have felt as a young person. But what I really wanted to kind of look at is this idea of, like I just wanted to be good, right, like I wanted to be a good person and I wanted to be the perfect person. You know, you know religious I don't even know what you would say Just like. It's almost like you had yourself on such a high standard, like up on a pedestal.
Speaker 1:And so is that? Was that related to? Like, I want to be good so that I can be righteous and go to heaven? Is that, is that the the story behind that? And it's like, if I make any mistake, maybe I won't make it there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's kind of the idea. You know, and and I also try to always clarify like the way that I perceive a certain teaching or doctrine as a child doesn't necessarily mean that like that's what the church teaches. You know, like I take my own responsibility for my perceptions of teachings, but as a kid with anxiety, with ADHD, with this like heavy like sense of, like perfectionism, I was taught that you know you do want to be the most faithful, like disciple of Christ, the best daughter of God that you can be, to honor him, be a good person, so that you can return to live with him again someday and be in the call, and it's like that's called the celestial kingdom for this church, and so you want to be in the celestial kingdom with your family and with God, with my father, and it's like there was just such an intensity for me about being righteous and being a good person and like, at the end of the day, you know, at the end of my life, I could look back and be proud about everything I did and be able to live with him again and I just they call it a scriptuosity which is almost like it's like a form of religious OCD which, looking back at my behaviors and my tendencies. I definitely had scriptuosity.
Speaker 2:I was very anal about like the way that I was studying my scriptures and like I had to do it every single day and I never missed a day and I would pray, like you know, two times a day and I would fall asleep while I'm praying. And we would have in seminary, which is like church school for kids, for teenagers, rather, you wake up and you go and you like memorize scriptures and you're learning about the scriptures, whatever. And they had this thing called scripture mastery, where you memorize like 25 scriptures every year and I was like obsessed with doing that perfectly. I had to memorize every single one. I never missed any. I was like a hundred percent on my chart and everybody always knew. Like Kelsey is the scripture mastery queen. Like we don't even, you know, we don't even try.
Speaker 2:There was just something for me about being a high achiever, being perfect, being righteous, that I just like that's the only thing I cared about you know, and I do think it was motivated by like life after this, and I also think it was motivated just by whatever I don't know OCD things in my brain that say I have to be a hundred percent. You know Okay.
Speaker 1:Right, and so does that high achieving, you know inner drive show up in your life. Still In other areas.
Speaker 2:It does for sure. Like you know, I'd be lying if I said I'm not a fellow high achiever. I sure am. But I also have so much more grace with myself and so much more forgiveness and so much more recognition of the fact that I'm a human and I can only do the best that I can do. But you know, I don't hold myself to these insanely high standards. I have like a really high sense of self-discipline as a teenager too, and that is good. But it also led to, like my eating disorder, which was super intense and really scary, and it led to, like you know, these perfectionist tendencies and like this obsession with certain things and I don't I've let go of that now as an adult, which I'm really, really grateful for Like I can be a high achiever without having to be a high perfectionist, you know, and that's very free for me.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, definitely, that's huge. I mean, you talk about it in such a mature way and you can tell that you've done a lot of healing work around it because you can just speak about it so easily and freely. And I'm just it's interesting.
Speaker 1:I like to look at this kind of religious spiritualism. That doesn't necessarily have to be in the religious sense, but I see this in the spiritual community as well, where it's like I just want to be good. You know, I don't want to have any bad thoughts, I don't want to have these human emotions, these darker you know emotions, because I don't want to manifest the wrong thing. It's like it's like you can see people get really wound up, even outside of religion, in that spiritual perfectionism. But I want to go back to something that you mentioned about your eating disorder that you were working with. I actually heard this. I listened to a short clip of a different podcast you did, and I just happened to hear this part where you mentioned something called orthorexia and I wasn't familiar with that term. But I want to talk about that because I think that there are a lot of people out there that are probably walking a tight line with that and don't realize that they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, orthorexia is tricky because it's almost like praised in our you know, I don't know day to day life. It's praised in the media. It's praised in the health and wellness industry. Orthorexia is like an obsession with clean eating, healthy eating, non processed foods, you know things that don't have preservative whatever. And that's my transition. As much as I don't like orthorexia, I will say that it saved me in some ways because I went from not eating hardly at all to at least eating food and like figuring out a way that food wasn't going to hurt me. You know, it helped me change my relationship with food and then it also got really bad. So it's like it's kind of like this way weird like gray area with food and dieting and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:And yeah, when I was orthorexic, I was obsessed with the book called clean eating. I can't remember who authorize, but it's literally just called clean eating and it's like the whole idea behind eating every three hours. You have like complex carbs, proteins and fats every single meal and in order you have to eat every three hours to do metabolism going. And like I was a teenager I was like 16 years I think I was 17 at this point when I was obsessed with this. I had a food vlog. I was like writing all my recipes and all my meals.
Speaker 2:I would literally carry cooler around with me like wherever I went. Like people just knew like healthy was the girl with the cooler who like carried her food around in a cooler because I was so obsessed with eating every three hours on the clock and then I wouldn't eat preservatives, I wouldn't eat fried things, I wouldn't eat processed things. Like you couldn't have paid me to do it. One time my brother wanted to give me this french fry in and out and I just was like up all, I would not touch the french fry. I was just like, oh my gosh. I'll never forget that story. It's just like one of the most significant moments when I look back and I'm like geez, like I had a problem. I had a problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, and it's tricky because it is healthier than not eating right and you're more of a like functional human if you can eat. But I think probably there's a lot of people and I know that I have walked the eating disorder line pretty hard, you know, in my especially like early college years, and a lot of that I think had to do with a lot of unhealed trauma. Of course now I can look back and recognize that there was. I was very stressed out and had like no awareness of it.
Speaker 1:But I think also, I was raised in an era where it was like, if you want to lose weight, you don't eat fat like that doesn't even make sense.
Speaker 1:now, right, it was like eat sugar free crackers and sugar free cookies and you won't gain weight. So, like, all of us were eating these like fat free crackers and gaining weight. And I was a collegiate dancer, so you know again a lot of pressure to have a certain body shape and size and things like that. But I also transitioned into, at several different times in my life, very, very clean eating, you know, watching every calorie, counting every calorie. And I never I had never heard that term, but when I heard it and you started to describe it, I was like wow.
Speaker 1:I think so many of us walk that line and the thing I've learned now is that, at least for me, eating like that was very stressful for me and so, while it was good and a lot of ways to eat clean and not put those toxins in my body, it created a lot of anxiety for me and a lot of feeling like a failure if I because I don't have the kind of dedication- that you do?
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't have that. I'm easily swayed. If someone wants to give me a French fry, I'm like okay, but then I'm going to beat myself up. Right, lady, not not anymore, but you know. In that stage, so what I would say is it just created so much anxiety. And what I recognize now is that, of course, the stress and anxiety around food is probably just as unhealthy, if not more unhealthy, than eating the toxic food. Right, like, if you're going to eat some French fries but you're going to, like, send gratitude and love to it and your body and you know I just be with it. It's a totally different experience energetically and I think our bodies metabolize things better from that space. So just wanted to take a minute to kind of land on that before we transition into talking about manifestation, because I know that you have some fun manifestation tricks and I would like to start there. So you know what are your. You talked about subliminals in my state Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, so tell me a little bit about that and kind of how you, how you came across those and how you use them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I first.
Speaker 2:I first started the I would say, my real manifestation journey started in 2019. I started learning about like, oh, I can change the way I think, like I can change the way that I, you know the energy that I'm putting out. What is energy, you know? Because, coming from such a intense religious background, I was not caught anything like that. I was not taught that I had any control in any sort of scenario, circumstance or whatever. It's always like turning your will over to God, giving your will to have a father. What does he father plan for me? What does God want for me? Like, it's always somebody else's wants and somebody above you, somebody outside of you, and so the idea that I could have any sort of role in creating a life that I wanted really started in 2019 for me, and I was like listening to some YouTube videos on the drive set for a movie that I booked, and that was the first time I ever, like started experimenting with like energy of like, oh, like could I, if I put out this particular energy, well, this person that I am like want to come over to talk to me, kind of a thing. Like can I attract a certain type of person by the energy that I'm putting out. So that's like things I started experimenting with.
Speaker 2:And then, when I moved to LA, I is kind of where the subliminal journey came in, because I was working on changing my relationship with money. I did not come for money, my parents never had money growing up and then when my dad left, we had even less money. So we like run government assistance and food stamps and you know, my mom got like scholarships and tell grants. I went to college on Pell grants, like complete government funding for everything, because we had I need to. Yeah, yeah, okay, you understand exactly, we had no money, you know. So I ended up getting fellowships, to which I was really grateful for. But you know all that to say, I did not come from a place of financial abundance and moving to a place like Los Angeles, I've always been really good at saving my money and I've always had opportunities to make money my whole life because I was a child actor. So I do recognize that privilege.
Speaker 2:Like I started making money at five years old, you know, and I'm grateful for that. But, yeah, I started learning like, okay, if I clearly like your money story is not set in stone, it doesn't have to be. It's just, you know, we create our beliefs, we create our reality and we, you know, just save you things over and over. We know to expect. Based on our previous experiences, you know all these things you already know.
Speaker 2:But I was, it was all new for me and I was like, okay, well, I want to change my story with money. I want to change my situation with money. Like I am not destined to have XY and Z income, like I am destined to, I could be a millionaire if I want. I can make figures if I want, whatever. And I realized that that was kind of the start of like I need to change these subliminal beliefs that I have about money, which is that there's never enough or someone else has to take care of me, or blah, blah, blah, whatever it may be.
Speaker 2:So I found subliminals on YouTube and I just started listening to them and I would listen to them every night as I slept and they were always financial, like always money, reprogramming. And I still do this. I still listen to subliminals every single night. A lot of times they're money, but other times they're other things, like confidence or whatever. And the idea with a subliminal is just that it's a, it's like at a low frequency or certain frequencies I don't know exactly what the frequency is but it's like, basically you can't hear it or understand it consciously, but your subconscious mind takes in these affirmations that are playing while you're sleeping and your mind is the most susceptible to these reprogrammed beliefs while you're sleeping and you're getting these subconscious reprogramming things you know playing in your brain for eight hours while you sleep.
Speaker 1:Interesting, so if you listen to it you can't actually hear the message like the words.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it can. It depends Like. I just go on YouTube and I find whatever one's resonating with me that day and some of them are high enough and like audible enough that I can hear the affirmations as well. But other ones I listen to they're tough, within a certain frequency in the mix that I can't actually audibly hear it, but your subconscious hears it.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's interesting. Do you know if they use the binaural beats? Are you familiar with that? Yeah, and so there's that rhythm in the background and I think there's something with those frequencies that kind of play off each other that help get into that deep subconscious space. And so you started doing that and did you start noticing things shifting? Oh, yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:I mean, that was my whole relationship with money changed at that time. I came out into LA having money in my savings and building a certain type of business that was working on. I was trying to do ad funnels for companies. It was like building a funnel for them and then whatever. So I was trying to run an ad agency doing that and I was like, okay, I'm manifesting money, I'm creating more money in my life and all of these things.
Speaker 2:And then another opportunity came into my life to join a live streaming app that I started doing and it was crazy. Like within one month of that live streaming app, I made more money that month than I had ever made in a month before. Wow, yeah. And at the time it was not it's less than my standards are now or whatever.
Speaker 2:I think I made maybe $4,500 that month, but even so, I was like that was huge for me, going from making like, oh, maybe $1,000 to $1,000 a month in Utah, just whatever kind of working for myself maybe $3,000 if I got lucky and then in a month I made $4,500 with just doing very minimal work. I was like, oh, there's something here, this is definitely livable income, I can live on this and then it just kind of went from there and I was able to grow that business to a different income level and I was able to grow my other businesses that I run as well to different places. And so that, honestly, that journey was the start of me realizing like, oh, I can make six figures, I can make enough money to live, I can make a million dollars, I can make whatever I want to make. And, yeah, that was really, yeah, a powerful change in my understanding of money at that time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh my gosh, definitely. And the way that that shifted so quickly for you and you saw the evidence of it right away. I had experiences like that when I first started manifesting also. It was like, I mean, it was like a switch flipped where all of a sudden it was like right there and I'm like how could I have been missing this my whole life? Where is this been Right?
Speaker 1:And the reason I'm so curious because the more I did my manifesting work and I would say as I continue to do my manifesting work it's like there's some things that I manifest very, very easily and there's not a lot of resistance built into me and I can shift beliefs around certain things very easily.
Speaker 1:And then there's other things where I have very stubborn beliefs and, for whatever reason, I have shifted my financial belief systems so much, but I still. It's like I feel like that's part of my life's work. This time around is working through the layers of that. And I think I don't know if you believe in past lives and that kind of thing or ancestral trauma, but like I really believe that I've had so many and I've actually been told this by past life psychics that I've had so many lifetimes of hardship. It's like my soul remembers and there's a piece of you right that always kind of is in touch with that, that history in your soul. So anyway, what I'm saying with that is that there are certain aspects where it's like I feel so much resistance, where I work on certain beliefs and it feels like I'm starting to shift them, and then it's like I'm just right back there. So if you come across anything like that where you're like dang it, why is that one so stubborn? 100%.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you said, it's an ongoing thing. And like money for me, even though my belief systems and my story with money has changed exponentially, it is still something I have to work on every day, right, like I have to still remind myself like you're taking care of your fine, you always have enough. Like money, as long as me, it's still. Yeah, money is like an ongoing story because it's a relationship. One of my favorite manifestation personalities is Catherine Zanquina on manifestation, but I don't give a listen to her.
Speaker 1:Oh, I haven't thought yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, her perspective about money and like is that it's it is a relationship and like, if you let go of doing the work of any sort of relationship like it, it's like your boyfriend or your partner or your husband or your girlfriend or whatever it might be, like they're not going to want to be your partner anymore. And so money for me is one of those words like ongoing. But besides that, um, yeah, I'm trying to think I feel like there's so many that pop up from time to time just worth worthiness, I think, like a big one. For me is like worthiness of love or like worthiness of a partnership. You know, like I've been single for a long time and then also sometimes I have to recognize like, oh, is there a subconscious belief in there that I'm not worthy of like a partnership or I'm not worthy of love? You know what I mean and that's like something I have to like.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, let's look at that. What's that about? Or, um, you know, my, my friendships throughout my life have been a challenging part of my life, but also a very fulfilling part of my life, which is why I have an online course now about all about friendships, which we'll talk about later, but that's also a belief system I have to check too is like am I worthy of friends that like, see me, love me, support me and get me? Um, or you know why am? Why am I attracting certain types of people into my life? You know, is that a subconscious belief about me and what I actually deserve? Like, yeah, there's many of those.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Absolutely yeah. So let's talk about your course really quickly and then we'll kind of keep going. But, um, your course is all about helping people learn how to let go of friendships right and recognize when they're not resident.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and also like knowing who you are enough to be able to attract the right type of friendship. So it's on both sides because I felt like, yeah, I felt like you have to be able to find and keep the friends. You got to know the maintenance skills and then you also have to know, like you just said, when it's not, it's not fit anymore and you have to say goodbye, yeah, and it's hard.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know that you're known as kind of like the internet, big sis, and you put a lot of like really great advice out there for teenagers who might be struggling. And, um, I know, as a teenager I had those same belief systems. I didn't, of course, wasn't aware of it yet, but I had several friendships where I felt like, um, well, let's just, I mean I don't want to say emotionally abusive, but but a little bit right, I had.
Speaker 1:I had some really great friends and I have some wonderful friends that I still have, right From like high school Um, but there was other ones where um, but there was other ones where um, but there they sort of mirrored things that were happening at home also. And so of course you kind of start to recognize. When you get older you're like, oh wow, I felt like this with my mom or my dad or my stepdad and look at that, it's showing up in this relationship, right.
Speaker 1:So I just I love that you are coaching people on that and helping to figure out how to shift the energy behind that and call in the right kind of person and say I am worthy I am worthy of people to show up and love and support me and really allowing people to get curious about what could I manifest in a friend or a partner, right, like manifesting money is so fun, but like when you start manifesting people Totally, ah, that is when it's like the whole world changes right.
Speaker 1:Or even like I love it when I get really specific and clear on my own relationship, where I've been married to my husband for 20 years. He's amazing and we have a really great marriage, but sometimes we get glitchy right and it's always fun to like go back inside and go how can I shift my own vibration and my own emotional state and you know, and start to manifest a different story. And it's really, really fun when suddenly it's like and things lock back into place and you start seeing what you want to because you've shifted your own filter and when your energy is different, the other person shows up different. Everything is different.
Speaker 2:Oh no, that's so cool, like what you just said. There's like so much goodness and that I was like, oh yeah, I love that, I love that Like oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:And it's true because I think people don't often realize this that we, what you said about your family relationships and the way that that was showing up in your friendships and in your relationships is so real, because it's like you're raised with a certain environment and a certain culture and a certain way of being treated and you don't know anything else other than to try and attract that exactly you know back. So everything is just a mirror and, like, our internal or external world is a mirror of our internal world, and so when all I know is like being left, being abandoned, being forgotten, being, you know, mistreated or whatever it might be, that's what I'm starting to attract back, because that's what I think I'm worthy of. And so I had the same experience as you. I kept attracting friends that would just leave me and I'm like, oh, I was left. My dad left me.
Speaker 2:Like I have a pattern of feeling abandoned and left and I'm seeing that in my external world now, you know, and that also created some unhealthy codependency behaviors in me where I was so afraid of being left.
Speaker 2:I had like an anxious attachment in my relationship to friendships, you know, like please don't leave me. Please don't leave me. Like you know, you're my best friend, whatever and I was like there was codependency and that took me growing up and looking back to realize in my friendships like, oh, I wasn't, I wasn't coming from a secure place when I approached this friendship, you know. And so squad goals, my course is a lot about what you just said to you, which is like looking at your patterns, looking at your relationships, healing codependency, healing avoidance, healing these things that like cause us to interact in our friendships and our relationships in a certain way, without us even realizing it, and like changing our beliefs about ourselves so that we can attract the exact type of friends that we want that mirror what we believe about ourselves and mirror like how we feel about ourselves. So, yeah, thank you for like that, because that was exactly how I felt.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful. And I actually had a similar situation where my dad moved away when I was very young, like before I could even remember. So I think he moved, you know, of course we're in Missouri, he moved to Florida when I was like three or four and so I don't have, I didn't have conscious memories of that abandonment. So that was a really interesting thing.
Speaker 1:Going back to that, like people left me, right, I, I had that same experience showing up where, like, people would abruptly just leave and I couldn't figure out and it would be very painful and it took a long time, even as an adult, even doing the work that I do, to dig into. Like, wow, I have some sort of implicit memory here of that abandonment. It's in there and so energetically it was still right, like playing out in my life, so interesting. You just, you mentioned the abandonment part of it and I, I share that part of it as well, that that was a big piece of it. And then, and then recognizing not everybody's going to do that and I right, I am worthy of the time and attention and support and consistency yeah, right, and love, of course, love, right.
Speaker 2:That big piece of it, of course. Well, and then the other thing too like along with that, since we both share the abandonment boomed. I feel like one of the things I've had to learn, too, is that not everyone's going to do that to me, but also some people might do that to me, and that's okay, it's like it doesn't surprise me it doesn't change my value, it doesn't change who I am or what I'm worthy of, and like being able to detach yourself from that, you know, is like a huge game changer for me too.
Speaker 2:And recognizing that people are allowed to play out their own stories, people are allowed to make their own decisions and I it has no impact or like affecting me or who I am. You know what I mean and that's thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, yeah, absolutely, that's huge, that's. I'm so glad you said that because you're right, as young people, we internalize everything and it's all about us, right? If that person acts this way, I must have done something. It's me, I'm flawed, you know, I broke that relationship. Me, me, me, me me. And so, oh, that's beautiful. I'm so glad you said that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks, so so glad, so much in common, so much to talk about. Hello, right, I know.
Speaker 1:So I do want to back up a little bit because I realized I skipped a really big, important part of this. And what was? What was the wake up call? For you, like you're, you're this very devout, you know, religious, doing everything, perfectly, doing all the right things and then like, what was the like? Whoa, this is not, this is not what I believe anymore and I can't stay here. What was that moment? Yeah, that's just. Or moments, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's definitely like multiple moments, because I because I was raised in this church, from a childhood I mean, I was a baby, you know in this church these beliefs were programmed into me and and these you know vocabulary and terminologies and things about ways to view the world were in my subconscious, in my, you know brain, before even he knew it. So, all that to say, it took a long time to program a deep program from it, but my first questions started happening in 2013 or 2014. So I served a mission for the LDS church, which is like I don't know if you've ever seen the boys on the bikes and the white shirts. You know they go away for two years, but girls do it for a year and a half. And so I went away for a year and a half to serve a mission and preach the gospel and teach other people about the church and baptize them and stuff like that in Alabama.
Speaker 1:And how old are you? How old are you in that 19 or?
Speaker 2:yeah, 19. Yeah, the boys are 18 when they go and the girls are 19. So, yeah, so I went to Alabama. You don't get the shoes where you go, your signs and by revelation.
Speaker 2:And I it's funny because I grew up in the Bible belt, like I grew up in Texas I am not a stranger to other religions or other belief systems. However, like I mentioned, I also wasn't an echo chamber. I had a few friends that challenged my beliefs as a child in Texas. But being in Alabama as a missionary, like on the forefront of like talking to every religion, every pastor, jehovah's Witness, church of Christ, like even we saw some Scientologists like different, so many different religions Catholic, baptist, christian, non-denominational, whatever and I'm having talks to all of them and answer all of their questions and all of their interpretations of the Bible. And I, and also the, the LDS church, believes in the Book of Mormon, which is the second book of scripture, and they don't like that. And so I'm, like, you know, trying to like I don't know, I feel like I was at war. I'm like, I'm like all these questions.
Speaker 1:I bet yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And people would ask me questions that most of them I have the answers to, but every now and then I would be like you got me on that one. I don't know, I'm not really sure.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know, I'm not really sure you know, one of the core teachings of the church is that families can be together forever and you get married and seat or sealed in their temple so that you can be with your family in the next life. And I was teaching somebody that and she was like that's crazy, Like I would not think God would ever want me to not be with my family in the next life, so why do I need your little temple thing? And I was like no-transcript. You got me Like I don't know, I don't know, right, that's a good point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if there is a God like, why would he ever want the families to not be together, and you know. So that was like a question I had and then more questions that are were you like wait a minute.
Speaker 1:How could I, how could I not have thought of that?
Speaker 2:I had never thought of it that way before, because again these things are put into my brain like so young, it's like this is just the way it is, you know, um, yeah, so many questions, so many things that weren't resonating with me and like people who are being healed with just prayers and faith. And yet I was taught that the power of God and priesthood is the only way for God to work through people on earth, and that's like just a power that is within a church. So there were things that were not matching up for me in my experiences that I was very confused, um, but I was very devout, so I stayed. I didn't I asked you know people for help and whatever. I didn't really dive down the rabbit hole too deeply. And then I just kind of had those questions like kind of growing under the surface and I went on a backpacking trip after I got home from my mission. Like four years later, I went on a backpacking trip to Europe in 2017. I went with a friend of mine. I was already at a place in my faith where I was kind of like I don't know about any of this, I'm not really sure that this is matching my worldview anymore, and when I, you've been kind of cracked yeah, that's exactly, yeah, exactly Like not too revealed yet, but like there's definitely a crack.
Speaker 2:And when I was in Europe, I just that was my real first time out of the country besides a cruise to Mexico, which doesn't I don't know, but really counts but I, you know, I was like I was exploring the world by myself, with a friend, but without my family, without parents, without, you know, a group or anything like that. I was seeing these parts of the world that I'd never seen before. I had so much freedom, so much space, no schedule, no one to control me, no one to tell me where to be, what to do, and I was one of the first times in my life that I felt freedom and like I would get like a little emotional thinking about it, because it just like it, just it just changed my whole perspective of everything and being like I don't. I see people happy here, and yet I've been taught that the only way to have true joy is to be a faithful member of this church. I see people happy with their family, loving life, getting great things, having great things happen for them, and yet the church teaches that in order to have the truth, joy and the happiest family and have all the blessings you have to be a devout member of this church, keeping the commandments, honoring your covenants, all these things.
Speaker 2:So there was a lot of things that were not matching up for me. I also felt very strongly that, like I don't want to ever work a nine to five job here, like I don't know that I want to be a mom, I don't know that I wanted to go home and get married and you know, all these things that I thought was my path in life which is, by the way, a beautiful path, and I think there's so much, you know, power and strength in that I just didn't really ever feel like I had any other option. I think that that was my problem. Like I felt like my expectation was like come home from your mission, get married, have kids, that's it.
Speaker 1:Like you weren't given a choice.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Right, that feels very different.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I wasn't encouraged to have a career, I wasn't encouraged to pursue my dreams, I wasn't encouraged to do any of these things or build a business or whatever. I was encouraged to be a mom and to have kids and to stay at home. Why, which is again such a beautiful path? But it's also something that I wanted to be able to choose and not just feel like that was the expectation, you know. So when I was in Europe, I just had all of these awakenings where I was like I don't know if I ever want to work a 95 job again. I don't know if I want to be a mom. I don't want to get married. I don't know if I want to, I don't know if I want to do this, you know, and everything just like was like first open and I was like, oh no, like what have I done with my life?
Speaker 1:Oh, existential crisis, Seriously that yeah.
Speaker 2:I was a BYU at the time, which is the church's private university. I had one semester, one semester, one year left. I think I had one year left in school at that point I was studying public relations and like business and stuff like that. Not to ever get it, Not to ever have a business, but just to work in PR and no marketing. Because my plan was like, oh yeah, maybe I'll go work for a year and then I'll get married and then I won't. You know, and it was. It was there that I started to realize I think I've set myself up for a life that I don't want and that's really scary, and that's really scary.
Speaker 1:Terrifying, yeah, terrifying yeah. How many months did you say you were gone? It was five weeks. So just over a month Weeks.
Speaker 1:Okay, five weeks, yeah, just enough time to get away and experience all that, all that freedom. And you know the way I see that is when we feel that kind of freedom, whether we know it or not, we are closer to the divine right Like we, we are like more of a channel, and so all of that insight is so easily accessible. It's like, oh wait, I want more of this feeling and I can see the truth of my life because I'm in a higher vibration, I'm like in a higher perspective, right? So it's, it's a really beautiful story, and so I can imagine you went back to life and couldn't just like unsee the world Exactly the way he would just see it.
Speaker 2:I couldn't unsee that.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what you said Take it back.
Speaker 2:I felt, like you know, I felt like I had almost like woken up from a spell. That's how I felt. Like I had just been living on autopilot of like fulfilling everybody else's expectations of me doing what everybody else thought I should be doing, checking all the boxes that I thought I was supposed to be checking. And then, after I had that experience, it was just like I yeah, I can't, I can't do anything else, I can't. I woke up from a spell and like I can't get back in it. And you know my worldview of the church teams.
Speaker 2:I started to realize that the beliefs I had been taught and were believing were not matching my worldview of anything anymore. Like I had friends that were coming out as gay and they're not allowed to be gay and fully participate in the church. That did not resonate with me. I was like, well, that doesn't make sense, I don't like that, I don't like this, I don't like that, I don't like this, I don't want to do this, you know. And so my beliefs just started crumbling over time. So that was in 2017, but even I didn't even officially leave until two years later, in 2019.
Speaker 2:So you know, just to give a perspective, like my first questions started happening in 2013 and they did not fully walk away until 2019. There's like a six year time period where you know you're just like. I have to say you know, push it down, don't ask questions. Yeah, so that should really change everything. I decided to pursue my dreams of like acting, filmmaking, entrepreneurship, music. I decided to leave the church. I decided that after I graduated college, I would not be getting a nine to five like all of my friends. You know, I decided to take a lot of risks that that time of my life, but I would never do anything different. I'm so grateful for that time because I just I would not be the same person had I not gone on that trip.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, you seem like a very old soul and so nice. I think that, well, I just it's like the. I think that old souls wake up earlier. It's like there's a pressure inside and then, so I'm not surprised that, at such a young age, you were like I can't live like this, I can't do it. Talk to me a little bit about the risk taking right, and the courage that it took, though, to go to your family and say I can't do this, this isn't me anymore. How did they respond to that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a tough one and it still is. I have so much love for my mom. Both of my brothers have also left the church, which is funny because we didn't know at the same time that we were all going through this dismantling process. Oh, interesting, yeah, very, very interesting that at some point one of us can't I don't even remember how it happened but one of us kind of mentioned like hey, I'm stepping away, and the other one was like me too, and the other one was like me too. Well, like we didn't really share with each other that we were kind of going through this.
Speaker 2:There's this fear of judgment that like someone will not understand, especially me. I mean, I know my brothers didn't want to tell me because I was so devout. Nobody wanted to tell me. It's like, you know, I was super judgmental as a kid and stuff like that. So I don't blame them.
Speaker 2:But anyway, having to have that conversation with like the closest people in my life has been really difficult, because there's such a morality attached to it, there's such a like a depth of the belief system of eternal life attached to it. And my mom, bless her heart, is out of our core family. She's remarried now and her husband is also a very devout member of the church and he's an amazing man. But of our core family she's the only person that's still in the church and I know that that's been difficult for her, but she also has worked so hard to, you know, change her, I don't know, change her reactions. Maybe I know she still believes the same way, but the way that she's able to love us and like, accept us and hear about you know, whatever's going on in my life, it's not related to the church. Like really means a lot and I it took a lot of different conversations to get to this point. There's been a lot of tears, there's been a lot of like pain and having to share with her like my belief system has changed was not been easy.
Speaker 2:But I released a song and called Life in a Box and I shared it with her and I she had already known, she already knew that I was out of the church at this point. Like this was the first time that I had been like, so vulnerable in like lyrics and songs and everything just like, sharing how I felt, and I have a video of it on my social media and that is genuinely the first time I ever showed my mom that song and I was so scared. I was so scared. I was like, oh my gosh, I know she's gonna love me and she always will, but like just the lyrics and the vulnerability and the you know the phrasing and like what is she gonna say to this? But she was so, so lovely about it and so kind and so accepting and I hope that every person that has left a religion I hope eventually that their parents can get to that point, cause I know that not everyone has that experience. That was a lot of the comments on my videos, like wow, you're so lucky.
Speaker 2:Like my parents are this, my mom's like this or whatever, and I'm so grateful to have a mom that has really worked hard to love and understand. She's also a therapist, which I think gives her a lot of space, you know, to hold that, to deal with clients that have left, you know, the church or whatever all the time. So I think that helps too. But yeah, it's been a journey, they believe.
Speaker 1:I'm sure. I'm sure a courageous journey. I know that's not easy.
Speaker 1:I mean, anybody who is looking to break the mold of family patterns let's you know, even outside of religion it is not easy you know, but that work is, I truly believe, like your healing and your courage is healing your ancestors, it's healing your whole family, it's healing that family tree. It's healing global consciousness, you know, and so I appreciate you being willing to talk about it and, you know, showing up and then creating courses to help people move through their stuff. It's just, it's like the wounded healers.
Speaker 1:We have to just create and share the love and help keep shifting things right, and it is beautiful that your mom's been able to walk with you at least you know as best as she can, because I know so many people just like. It completely severs the family, so that's really, really good.
Speaker 1:It's good that she's able to do that. I knew this wasn't going to be long enough. Like even when we started, I was like, oh, I need more time. I need more time, kelsey. This has been really, really fun and your life has so many layers and so much depth and I really could sit and chat with you for hours.
Speaker 2:I'm sure.
Speaker 1:Why don't you let people know how they can find you if they're curious about your course? I just want to follow you on socials anything. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:Thank you. So my Instagram and TikTok is at Kelsey Marie Edwards K-E-L-S-E-Y and, like a double E, kelsey Marie Edwards. Youtube is Kelsey Edwards. But, honestly, if you're trying to find me on social media, if you search Kelsey Edwards, you're probably going to find me somewhere in the mix on the internet. Pretty, yeah. And then my course is it's called Squad Goals and the URL is just horseskelseyedwardsco. And again, it's all about how helping teen girls find and keep better friends and let go of friends, and I will say this that I'm marketing it to teen girls, but it's really. I intentionally left the information broad enough. Younger girls can benefit, girls in college can benefit. I can still benefit from it as an adult woman. You know what I mean. Like, the teachings are yeah, it's universal, and so, while the marketing may be like, this is for girls, whatever, it's for anyone, and so it's also very affordable and it's a program I put a lot of time and love into and I hope that it will help and make a difference in some of the life. So thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much I want to ask you one thing before we go, because I thought this was so cute Talk to me about your abundance alerts that go off in your phone.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was like I have to bring that up.
Speaker 2:I have it set every day. I have one at 11 am. It went off just barely, like before we started and then I've one at 3 pm and I'm really working on, like we talked about, like the money story. Always it's a constant thing for me. So I'm working on attracting more money from my business and the one of my alerts is I'm millionaire and I put like little emojis around it. And then the other one at 3 pm is the passive income is like flowing to me in large sources, you know, at all times through many channels or one of those things. So I put those on my phone and then I switch them out every now and then too, like whatever is the thing, but it's just a, you know, especially when you're caught scrolling or whatever, you're distracted, it's nice to have that little pop up reminder Like oh yeah, refocus my energy, you know, and like where am I at right now? I love it.
Speaker 1:I love it. I think that is so brilliant and so simple and such a great way to kind of like bring you back in the zone and be like where is my focus, where is my energy right now. So smart, I just I think it's great. Thank you so much for being with me, kelsey, and hopefully we can do this again sometime, please, I would love to come back.
Speaker 2:I feel like I want to know more about your journey in top four, so we'll. I would love that I'll see you guys next time.