{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":37.29,"endTime":41.748999999999995,"body":"[Unknown] Honestly, I've never talked about this with anybody."},{"startTime":41.748999999999995,"endTime":43.25,"body":"[Phoebe] You're like, brrring."},{"startTime":43.25,"endTime":45.37,"body":"[Phoebe] And things just start to spark."},{"startTime":45.37,"endTime":47.53,"body":"[Phoebe] And you don't know what's happening."},{"startTime":47.53,"endTime":49.51,"body":"[Ed] Right, because you don't know what's going on."},{"startTime":49.51,"endTime":53.769999999999996,"body":"[Ed] And it's just, it's all new and so shiny."},{"startTime":53.769999999999996,"endTime":54.769999999999996,"body":"[Phoebe] He opens the door."},{"startTime":54.769999999999996,"endTime":56.629,"body":"[Phoebe] And we're all of a sudden we're in the shower together"},{"startTime":56.629,"endTime":59.41,"body":"[Phoebe] and I'm like, I didn't even play with this, man."},{"startTime":59.41,"endTime":61.71,"body":"[Phoebe] I didn't even see him in the bedroom."},{"startTime":61.71,"endTime":63.849000000000004,"body":"[Guest] And now you're Lufa buddies with this guy."},{"startTime":63.849000000000004,"endTime":66.57,"body":"[Phoebe] And now, right, how many times do you leave"},{"startTime":66.57,"endTime":73.479,"body":"[Phoebe] a swing or party, and you say to yourself, the sex sucked. Currently, you're having great"},{"startTime":73.479,"endTime":79.719,"body":"[Phoebe] sex with your partner, but the swinging sex blows. A major study found that women have better"},{"startTime":79.719,"endTime":88.119,"body":"[Phoebe] sex and more orgasms in relationship sex than casual sex. What are we missing? And is it possible"},{"startTime":88.119,"endTime":98.729,"body":"[Unknown] to get more out of casual sex while swinging? Welcome to Swinger University, I'm Ed."},{"startTime":98.81,"endTime":106.41,"body":"[Phoebe] Anna, I'm Phoebe. All right, let's be honest. I mean, no one really talks about this."},{"startTime":106.41,"endTime":112.16900000000001,"body":"[Phoebe] Honestly, I've never talked about this with anybody in the Swinger community."},{"startTime":113.399,"endTime":121.779,"body":"[Ed] No, I mean, we've had a few conversations and we've mentioned in episodes how to make sex better"},{"startTime":121.779,"endTime":129.529,"body":"[Ed] and we've talked about trying to find long term partners instead of casual sex partners"},{"startTime":129.529,"endTime":136.41,"body":"[Phoebe] in a lifestyle. Right. Thinking this is the mysterious formula. Right. Right. So,"},{"startTime":138.249,"endTime":147.669,"body":"[Phoebe] why don't we ask what is the quality of sex in the lifestyle? We never, is it too personal?"},{"startTime":147.669,"endTime":152.47,"body":"[Ed] I don't know why. I think we should. I think at the next party, we should absolutely lock up"},{"startTime":152.47,"endTime":160.199,"body":"[Unknown] to people and go, do you orgasm? And orgasms aren't even necessarily the measure of whether"},{"startTime":160.199,"endTime":166.35899999999998,"body":"[Ed] you're having good sex or not. Exactly. So yeah, that's a really good question."},{"startTime":167.0,"endTime":174.44,"body":"[Phoebe] How many times do you have great sex at a lifestyle party? Right. And I don't think a lot of people"},{"startTime":174.44,"endTime":178.91899999999998,"body":"[Phoebe] really think about that. I think they think about having a good time and there's a lot of good"},{"startTime":178.91899999999998,"endTime":186.84,"body":"[Phoebe] times that we have had. But when it comes down to the sex, was it really a good time? Right."},{"startTime":187.56,"endTime":193.81,"body":"[Phoebe] Do you ever wake up the next day and go, hmm, that really wasn't that much fun."},{"startTime":193.81,"endTime":202.97,"body":"[Unknown] It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. Right. Yeah. I have had this question the next"},{"startTime":202.97,"endTime":212.25,"body":"[Phoebe] day many a time. Yes, she has. And as you mentioned, what constitutes great sex or a great time"},{"startTime":212.25,"endTime":218.32899999999998,"body":"[Unknown] is it the orgasm? All right. So that's the story, right? Like that's what everybody's thinking,"},{"startTime":218.32899999999998,"endTime":224.09,"body":"[Ed] that's what we're thinking about with the episode. Let's talk about some facts. We'll get a few"},{"startTime":224.09,"endTime":228.72899999999998,"body":"[Ed] numbers in here. And then later in the episode, you want to stay tuned because we're going to talk"},{"startTime":228.72899999999998,"endTime":234.57,"body":"[Unknown] about how to potentially make the sex better. And we're going to give you five tips"},{"startTime":235.37,"endTime":242.6,"body":"[Unknown] to having better sex in the lifestyle. Hopefully. No guarantees."},{"startTime":242.6,"endTime":247.07899999999998,"body":"[Phoebe] Right. Because we can't guarantee anything. But we think that these will help."},{"startTime":247.07899999999998,"endTime":253.72,"body":"[Unknown] We think these will help. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So a study was done. Well, there was there've been"},{"startTime":253.72,"endTime":263.479,"body":"[Unknown] multiple studies, multiple multiple studies done. And what they found was around 20,000"},{"startTime":263.72,"endTime":269.16,"body":"[Phoebe] undergrads across 20 plus colleges in the United States. And I picked this one study because"},{"startTime":269.16,"endTime":275.32,"body":"[Ed] it was pretty significant. And what was this study? It was a study on hooking up."},{"startTime":275.32,"endTime":283.479,"body":"[Phoebe] And how do I sign up for the next study? Right. I know. Like, hello. Hello. Yes, please."},{"startTime":283.479,"endTime":292.209,"body":"[Phoebe] I volunteer as tribute. So they were asking people about penetrative sex and orgasms."},{"startTime":292.209,"endTime":303.64000000000004,"body":"[Phoebe] What we found was 70 to 90% of women are unable to orgasm vaginally just period. Right."},{"startTime":304.35900000000004,"endTime":311.96000000000004,"body":"[Phoebe] More so on the 70% 90s. Pretty high. But I've found other studies where it's 70%"},{"startTime":311.96000000000004,"endTime":321.23900000000003,"body":"[Phoebe] women can't orgasm vaginally alone. They need some other stimulation. And 90% of women say they"},{"startTime":321.23900000000003,"endTime":329.16,"body":"[Phoebe] can't even get there vaginally with an orgasm unless they're on top. Right. And I have seen that"},{"startTime":329.16,"endTime":333.939,"body":"[Ed] and heard that from women in the lifestyle. That makes sense. Now, here's what's interesting."},{"startTime":334.90000000000003,"endTime":342.499,"body":"[Phoebe] When you're hooking up once with someone as a woman, you have a 15% chance of having an orgasm."},{"startTime":343.059,"endTime":348.17900000000003,"body":"[Unknown] When you're hooking up with that person, maybe the second time twice, right?"},{"startTime":348.97900000000004,"endTime":356.90000000000003,"body":"[Phoebe] 20% chance of having an orgasm only 5% more. Right. And women in relationships six months"},{"startTime":356.90000000000003,"endTime":366.97,"body":"[Phoebe] or longer can have an orgasm about 73% of the time. So, I mean, what this is telling me is"},{"startTime":366.97,"endTime":373.689,"body":"[Ed] longer a woman has a connection with a man or the experience with a man or they've instructed"},{"startTime":373.85,"endTime":378.97,"body":"[Ed] him how to do things properly the third, the fourth, the fifth time. However many times they've"},{"startTime":378.97,"endTime":385.53000000000003,"body":"[Ed] had sex in the first six months. And depending on the frequency, it takes a while to learn your"},{"startTime":385.53000000000003,"endTime":393.03000000000003,"body":"[Ed] partner. It takes a while to kind of understand what their buttons are. And if the guy's not paying"},{"startTime":393.03000000000003,"endTime":401.77000000000004,"body":"[Ed] attention or not listening to direction and just doing his own thing, I mean, I'm not surprised"},{"startTime":401.85,"endTime":410.45000000000005,"body":"[Unknown] that it's in that lower percentile because I think guys can pretty much come with the"},{"startTime":410.45000000000005,"endTime":416.04900000000004,"body":"[Ed] blowing of a wind. But, you know, women take a little bit more work than that. And I think also"},{"startTime":416.85,"endTime":421.65000000000003,"body":"[Ed] there's a little bit of an emotional component to this, which we have seen in numerous studies as"},{"startTime":421.65000000000003,"endTime":427.97,"body":"[Phoebe] we've been doing the podcast. Right. And if it's not emotion, I can see the emotion being in the"},{"startTime":427.97,"endTime":435.569,"body":"[Phoebe] relationship aspect of it, of this part of the study. But also that just that level of intimacy"},{"startTime":436.53000000000003,"endTime":442.369,"body":"[Phoebe] goes a long way. And intimacy doesn't mean relationship. And it doesn't mean you're crossing"},{"startTime":442.369,"endTime":450.29,"body":"[Phoebe] any lines. But we are human beings and we find warmth and compassion within each other. And it's"},{"startTime":450.29,"endTime":456.60900000000004,"body":"[Unknown] okay to have an intimate moment. It doesn't have to be like, bam, bam, thank you, man, black"},{"startTime":456.60900000000004,"endTime":461.01000000000005,"body":"[Phoebe] and white. Right. You'd be more fulfilling with that. You've got a better connection with that"},{"startTime":461.01000000000005,"endTime":467.09000000000003,"body":"[Ed] person. And that connection can kind of vary in terms of how you feel connected to them. It doesn't"},{"startTime":467.09000000000003,"endTime":473.249,"body":"[Ed] necessarily have to be a ring on a finger. And, you know, walking down the aisle, kind of level of"},{"startTime":473.249,"endTime":481.72900000000004,"body":"[Unknown] commitment. But yeah. Yeah. So concepts of sexual satisfaction. Let's let's talk about some"},{"startTime":481.72900000000004,"endTime":488.21000000000004,"body":"[Ed] of these different concepts. I think one of the most important things that I've learned is really"},{"startTime":488.21000000000004,"endTime":497.569,"body":"[Ed] understanding what techniques work with each partner. The same technique that you use all the time"},{"startTime":497.569,"endTime":505.01000000000005,"body":"[Ed] with your regular partner may not work with your casual partner, the partner who you've just met."},{"startTime":505.65000000000003,"endTime":510.129,"body":"[Ed] Yeah. You're going to have to ask for some direction. You're going to have to ask for do they"},{"startTime":510.129,"endTime":516.369,"body":"[Ed] like it harder? Do they like immediate stimulation? Do they like a little bit more warm up? Do they"},{"startTime":516.369,"endTime":523.01,"body":"[Ed] prefer dirty talk? Do they need a little bit of domination? Yeah. I had a partner recently who"},{"startTime":523.01,"endTime":528.77,"body":"[Ed] actually preferred that. Like she wanted a little bit more of an aggressive male kind of a thing."},{"startTime":528.77,"endTime":535.09,"body":"[Phoebe] That's kind of what got her juices going. Yeah. But there's a lot of other women like you who"},{"startTime":535.09,"endTime":542.21,"body":"[Ed] like a long slow, maybe a massage instead of a direct, literal stimulation, right? Yeah."},{"startTime":543.09,"endTime":550.689,"body":"[Phoebe] Exactly. Yeah. That's worth it. That consent conversation comes in. And a lot of times we just"},{"startTime":550.689,"endTime":557.569,"body":"[Phoebe] don't do that in the lifestyle. Right. Because you know, things change and the parties are different."},{"startTime":557.569,"endTime":563.9689999999999,"body":"[Phoebe] Themes are different. The vibe is different. And orgies are fun. And sometimes you want to jump"},{"startTime":563.9689999999999,"endTime":569.65,"body":"[Phoebe] into the puppy pile. There's not a lot of time for conversation. Yeah. And I think that's most of it."},{"startTime":569.65,"endTime":576.929,"body":"[Ed] I think most of it is everybody's really excited that they've got a new partner. It's not their spouse"},{"startTime":576.929,"endTime":583.73,"body":"[Unknown] or their significant other. And they're like holy crap. Do I get to, can I open my present now?"},{"startTime":583.73,"endTime":592.689,"body":"[Ed] Yes. Yes. And sometimes that's like, okay, let me get a condom. Yes. And you're like, whoa,"},{"startTime":592.689,"endTime":599.89,"body":"[Ed] whoa, slow down, buddy. Yeah. Take a little time. Now I can appreciate an aggressive woman who"},{"startTime":599.89,"endTime":604.53,"body":"[Ed] wants to just get straight down to business. I have a couple partners who really like that. And"},{"startTime":604.53,"endTime":610.689,"body":"[Ed] it's fun and different for me because you are such a slow warmer. Yes. Which I also enjoy."},{"startTime":612.049,"endTime":621.65,"body":"[Unknown] It's a bit of a tease. But it gets me there. And I think that the more time you spend with a"},{"startTime":621.65,"endTime":628.53,"body":"[Ed] partner, so like the statistic said, first time, second time, not so good. But if you've met"},{"startTime":628.53,"endTime":634.61,"body":"[Ed] a couple and you've had a couple dates with them, that second and third experience is going to"},{"startTime":634.61,"endTime":640.569,"body":"[Ed] be better, possibly because you've asked questions and you've learned the technique that works for"},{"startTime":640.569,"endTime":647.209,"body":"[Ed] them. And you can just apply that technique immediately. But the other part of it is you actually"},{"startTime":647.209,"endTime":654.01,"body":"[Ed] may be more comfortable asking them about techniques the second or third time. Right. Or even"},{"startTime":814.01,"endTime":822.49,"body":"[Phoebe] after you've had sex where you've had a good time. Maybe this sex wasn't great. But the vibe was fun."},{"startTime":822.49,"endTime":829.13,"body":"[Phoebe] And you you played and you had some soft swapping. Maybe you had soft swapping. And then you're"},{"startTime":829.13,"endTime":833.29,"body":"[Phoebe] laying on the bed and you're laughing and you're going, wow, you know, that was that was a blast."},{"startTime":833.29,"endTime":838.65,"body":"[Phoebe] I really liked when you did XYZ. Right. Let's try that again next time or next time. If you guys"},{"startTime":838.65,"endTime":844.809,"body":"[Guest] are up for it, we'd love to explore this. Yeah. And those are those fun conversations that you"},{"startTime":844.809,"endTime":856.04,"body":"[Unknown] get to have with people that you have nice connections with. All right. We need your help so that"},{"startTime":856.04,"endTime":862.12,"body":"[Ed] your community, the very one you love and have so much fun with can also find our show."},{"startTime":863.209,"endTime":868.89,"body":"[Ed] Here's a really easy way to do that. If you're listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify,"},{"startTime":868.89,"endTime":875.53,"body":"[Ed] hit that follow button and leave us a rating. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn"},{"startTime":875.53,"endTime":881.61,"body":"[Ed] on notifications. We can't emphasize enough how much this helps the Swinger community. And it"},{"startTime":881.61,"endTime":888.01,"body":"[Unknown] truly is up to you to make that happen. It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can"},{"startTime":888.01,"endTime":895.77,"body":"[Ed] even find us. And here's the thing. When someone searches Swinger podcast, the algorithm doesn't care"},{"startTime":895.8489999999999,"endTime":902.73,"body":"[Unknown] how good our content is or how long we've been around. It only cares about ratings and reviews."},{"startTime":903.73,"endTime":909.799,"body":"[Ed] We'd appreciate it. And your community will really appreciate it. Thanks for listening."},{"startTime":914.169,"endTime":919.689,"body":"[Ed] Yeah. And that's a good segue to kind of this whole concept of like commitment and affection."},{"startTime":919.689,"endTime":925.53,"body":"[Ed] And I could imagine in, and this is just imagining because we've never been in this situation,"},{"startTime":925.53,"endTime":933.929,"body":"[Ed] but in like a poly relationship where you've established kind of a long-term sexual relationship"},{"startTime":933.929,"endTime":940.9689999999999,"body":"[Ed] with another partner that you've started to learn their buttons. You've started to learn their"},{"startTime":941.689,"endTime":948.73,"body":"[Ed] kind of ins and outs of what excites them and how they like to be turned on and what gets them there."},{"startTime":949.449,"endTime":955.86,"body":"[Ed] And I think if you try to apply that to a casual situation, you could also say"},{"startTime":956.9,"endTime":964.0989999999999,"body":"[Ed] that the quality of the relationship also affects casual sex. You've had really good flirty"},{"startTime":964.0989999999999,"endTime":970.819,"body":"[Ed] conversation with this couple. I think I've had better sex with that couple than the ones that we"},{"startTime":970.819,"endTime":977.03,"body":"[Unknown] just kind of ran into in the playroom. You know, the whole hey, there's some room on the bed."},{"startTime":977.11,"endTime":983.51,"body":"[Ed] Can we lay down next to you and then some stuff kind of happens. They've been exciting"},{"startTime":983.51,"endTime":990.39,"body":"[Ed] because it's random, like totally like, oh my. What's going to happen?"},{"startTime":993.5889999999999,"endTime":999.03,"body":"[Ed] But not exciting from the standpoint that they did anything right or they did anything wrong."},{"startTime":999.03,"endTime":1003.189,"body":"[Ed] It was just kind of, it was fumbling sex in the backseat kind of thing."},{"startTime":1003.189,"endTime":1007.189,"body":"[Unknown] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's awesome. That's a great way to describe it."},{"startTime":1007.189,"endTime":1015.5889999999999,"body":"[Ed] So it's fun. It's novel and I think the novelty is why it's so exciting. But you don't have any"},{"startTime":1015.5889999999999,"endTime":1027.319,"body":"[Unknown] kind of quality. It's drive by sex. This sometimes literally is, she slipped and fell and landed"},{"startTime":1027.319,"endTime":1033.559,"body":"[Phoebe] on his dick. Yeah. So now I get it. I get it. Like this whole fumbling in the back seat. They're"},{"startTime":1033.559,"endTime":1041.719,"body":"[Phoebe] coming out in the way back machine because it brought me back to those feelings of when you're"},{"startTime":1041.719,"endTime":1047.24,"body":"[Phoebe] in junior high, right? You've got all these emotions going. Right. Something random happens."},{"startTime":1047.24,"endTime":1052.98,"body":"[Phoebe] You're like, bring and like things just start to spark and then you don't know what's happening."},{"startTime":1052.98,"endTime":1057.219,"body":"[Ed] Right, because you don't know what's going on. And it's just, it's all new and"},{"startTime":1058.179,"endTime":1069.329,"body":"[Unknown] so shiny. I know. Yes. Now, the other component that works, I think in long-term relationships,"},{"startTime":1069.329,"endTime":1075.8899999999999,"body":"[Ed] is that that emotional component, right? You've, you've chemically bonded with that other person."},{"startTime":1075.8899999999999,"endTime":1080.6100000000001,"body":"[Ed] And it's not just chemistry. There's a lot of other stuff too. There's social aspects and"},{"startTime":1080.6100000000001,"endTime":1086.37,"body":"[Ed] emotion. And the emotions, though, are kind of based on a lot of those things, those sub components."},{"startTime":1087.01,"endTime":1092.29,"body":"[Ed] And I think with your long-term partner, you have built that emotional component. And I think with"},{"startTime":1093.49,"endTime":1100.29,"body":"[Ed] repeat customers, you could get some kind of an emotional bond with them, which will improve it,"},{"startTime":1100.29,"endTime":1109.559,"body":"[Unknown] which kind of, you know, to keep back on topic, casual sex doesn't have most of these components"},{"startTime":1109.6399999999999,"endTime":1117.429,"body":"[Phoebe] because you just met these people. Right. Right. Exactly. Okay. So we've talked about these"},{"startTime":1117.429,"endTime":1123.6689999999999,"body":"[Ed] connections that you make with people and kind of why orgasms can work once you've had a little"},{"startTime":1123.6689999999999,"endTime":1131.03,"body":"[Ed] bit of a connection. So how is it that hooking up in the lifestyle is different? Like, why"},{"startTime":1131.03,"endTime":1138.37,"body":"[Ed] doesn't it work? Why doesn't it hit the right buttons? I think a lot of it has to do with"},{"startTime":1139.01,"endTime":1144.37,"body":"[Ed] partners that you run across. They just may not have the skills. And it's not that they're bad"},{"startTime":1144.37,"endTime":1151.569,"body":"[Unknown] lovers. They don't know your buttons. They don't know how to please you as a partner because"},{"startTime":1153.29,"endTime":1157.6889999999999,"body":"[Ed] they've never played with you before. Right. And everybody's buttons are different. Yeah."},{"startTime":1157.6889999999999,"endTime":1163.2089999999998,"body":"[Ed] I mean, there's some general rules like probably don't go straight to the hammer time,"},{"startTime":1164.1689999999999,"endTime":1171.2089999999998,"body":"[Ed] slow down a little bit. But even beyond that, it's the right level of penetration to deep,"},{"startTime":1171.2089999999998,"endTime":1176.4099999999999,"body":"[Ed] to shallow, too fast, too slow, like all of that stuff, you have to kind of learn it."},{"startTime":1176.969,"endTime":1180.8899999999999,"body":"[Phoebe] Right. And I am going to throw in there the longer you've been in the lifestyle as a"},{"startTime":1181.449,"endTime":1188.49,"body":"[Phoebe] male or female, you're going, males are going to be better at not allowing the distractions in"},{"startTime":1188.49,"endTime":1194.089,"body":"[Guest] the room to throw them off. Right. Right. Because they're used to that. Now they can focus"},{"startTime":1194.73,"endTime":1199.929,"body":"[Phoebe] because that's a huge factor when you first start out. And the second thing is they"},{"startTime":1200.73,"endTime":1207.29,"body":"[Phoebe] get really good at reading women, honestly. They're better. Yeah. Yeah. If they haven't been good"},{"startTime":1207.29,"endTime":1211.849,"body":"[Phoebe] at reading women in the past, different women, they're good. They get really good at reading"},{"startTime":1211.849,"endTime":1218.329,"body":"[Ed] different women by being in the lifestyle. Yeah. And I think that there's an aspect of experience"},{"startTime":1218.329,"endTime":1225.29,"body":"[Unknown] in interacting with different partners that you start to learn, oh, God, they are different."},{"startTime":1225.29,"endTime":1230.97,"body":"[Ed] Or they listen to our podcast and learn, oh, God, women are all different. And I think the second"},{"startTime":1230.97,"endTime":1237.129,"body":"[Ed] and third partner that isn't making good noises or isn't moving around as much or is clancing"},{"startTime":1237.129,"endTime":1242.73,"body":"[Ed] at their partner making weird faces at them, you start to pick up on that and go, okay,"},{"startTime":1243.45,"endTime":1249.29,"body":"[Ed] I haven't figured this out yet. And I think you're right. With experience, they start to realize"},{"startTime":1250.17,"endTime":1255.21,"body":"[Ed] I got to change my game. Right. I got to step up. Now the other part, the other part,"},{"startTime":1255.21,"endTime":1261.369,"body":"[Phoebe] my point was to women will start to speak up and ask for what they want. Now I've done that."},{"startTime":1261.369,"endTime":1268.25,"body":"[Phoebe] Hopefully. Yes. I know I'm in charge of my own orgasm and I'm responsible for that. So I"},{"startTime":1268.25,"endTime":1276.97,"body":"[Phoebe] ask for what I want. I started to really use my voice. And that was a huge improvement in"},{"startTime":1276.97,"endTime":1281.69,"body":"[Phoebe] the satisfaction that I received in the lifestyle. Now I will say, I don't see a lot of women do that."},{"startTime":1281.69,"endTime":1289.77,"body":"[Ed] I really don't. No, I have very few partners that will verbally communicate, like explicit"},{"startTime":1289.77,"endTime":1297.29,"body":"[Ed] directions. A lot of them are happy to say, I really like that or that's good, which is great."},{"startTime":1299.049,"endTime":1307.93,"body":"[Phoebe] You'll get like slow or don't go too deep. Yes. That's that's just hard. I need to warm up more or"},{"startTime":1307.93,"endTime":1313.609,"body":"[Phoebe] or the nipples thing is a big one. Sensitive on the nipples or bite them harder or yeah,"},{"startTime":1313.609,"endTime":1318.889,"body":"[Ed] don't pinch you. Right. Those things. Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes down to"},{"startTime":1318.889,"endTime":1323.45,"body":"[Ed] it's uncomfortable. Yes. And they speak up because they're like, I don't want this to continue."},{"startTime":1323.53,"endTime":1329.849,"body":"[Phoebe] Yes. Or it has happened in the past and they're like, I don't want this to impact my experience"},{"startTime":1329.849,"endTime":1334.25,"body":"[Phoebe] with you. So I'll just tell you upfront. But we're moving past that. We're moving to"},{"startTime":1334.25,"endTime":1339.94,"body":"[Ed] how do you get them to orgasm? So yes. Yes. Yes. These were all, you know, don't"},{"startTime":1340.579,"endTime":1346.579,"body":"[Ed] back the car into the pole kind of things. And what we're trying to get to is, okay, how do we"},{"startTime":1346.579,"endTime":1352.02,"body":"[Ed] make this better? Yes. Let's get to the let's just do it. Let's just do it. We're going to get"},{"startTime":1352.02,"endTime":1358.26,"body":"[Ed] to our five tips for making casual sex better. And this works for swingers. And it will probably"},{"startTime":1358.26,"endTime":1366.02,"body":"[Ed] work for singles too because casual sex is still casual sex. Yes. Confidence about your body,"},{"startTime":1366.02,"endTime":1374.899,"body":"[Phoebe] body image, confidence, your loving your body, feeling good in your skin. Right. And knowing where"},{"startTime":1374.899,"endTime":1383.559,"body":"[Unknown] you're confident to know, how do I want to say that? Confident, the compassion that you have"},{"startTime":1383.559,"endTime":1390.76,"body":"[Phoebe] for yourself, be confident to have that compassion when you're not feeling it that night or maybe"},{"startTime":1390.76,"endTime":1395.559,"body":"[Phoebe] you don't want to dress the theme that they have the night or maybe you don't want to change into"},{"startTime":1395.559,"endTime":1401.799,"body":"[Unknown] that lingerie at 10 o'clock or whatever. Right. Be compassionate to yourself. Have that confidence"},{"startTime":1401.799,"endTime":1411.329,"body":"[Phoebe] do things that that will help your confidence. And also talk about the sex. Right. Talk about what"},{"startTime":1411.329,"endTime":1417.97,"body":"[Unknown] you want. Maybe talk about what turns you on. Yeah. And I think I think the confidence component"},{"startTime":1417.97,"endTime":1426.29,"body":"[Ed] is really important. Having confidence allows you to feel okay with saying what you like or what"},{"startTime":1426.29,"endTime":1434.28,"body":"[Ed] you don't like. And and be upfront about that. Yeah. I mean, we all struggle with confidence at"},{"startTime":1434.28,"endTime":1441.879,"body":"[Phoebe] different moments of our lives and in different situations. You just try it on one time. And if"},{"startTime":1441.879,"endTime":1449.619,"body":"[Unknown] anything, it's fake until you make it. Yes. 100%. Communication. Everyone always talks about communication."},{"startTime":1450.099,"endTime":1459.21,"body":"[Phoebe] We also have done a polythera of episodes on communication. And what I want to talk about in this"},{"startTime":1459.21,"endTime":1468.889,"body":"[Phoebe] area are three things, expectations, your desires and the rules of engagement. So expectations."},{"startTime":1469.69,"endTime":1474.73,"body":"[Phoebe] What are you looking for that night? Right. Right. Talk about what you're in the mood for just"},{"startTime":1474.73,"endTime":1481.049,"body":"[Phoebe] because you are typically a DTF person. You just want to go straight to it. That's your thing."},{"startTime":1482.01,"endTime":1486.889,"body":"[Guest] Maybe you don't want that that night. Right. Maybe you want a little more central play or maybe"},{"startTime":1486.889,"endTime":1493.369,"body":"[Phoebe] you just want a little more warm up. Right. Right. Right. Or you've got a new partner and they don't"},{"startTime":1493.369,"endTime":1500.889,"body":"[Phoebe] know what your preferences are. So communicating that is key to having a much better experience."},{"startTime":1500.889,"endTime":1509.079,"body":"[Ed] Absolutely. Desires. Yeah. What kind of what are you looking for besides what your expectations"},{"startTime":1509.079,"endTime":1515.96,"body":"[Ed] are? Like kind of what's turning you on at the moment? Yeah. So you've got four people in a room"},{"startTime":1515.96,"endTime":1522.119,"body":"[Ed] or three people in a room. Like do you want to watch what's going on? Maybe you're the fourth partner"},{"startTime":1522.119,"endTime":1529.0,"body":"[Ed] and you just want to watch what's going on? Or is it really I want all three people to have full"},{"startTime":1529.0,"endTime":1537.24,"body":"[Ed] attention on my body? Yes. Yes. Yes. Or I want one woman on my face and the other one riding me."},{"startTime":1537.24,"endTime":1546.839,"body":"[Phoebe] Right. And then two more on each hand. Right. Right. Because you know it changes. These aren't bucket lists"},{"startTime":1546.839,"endTime":1551.399,"body":"[Phoebe] but they are things that it's what you're in the mood for that night. It's really what you're in"},{"startTime":1551.399,"endTime":1560.099,"body":"[Phoebe] the mood for. Yeah. Honestly. Well said. Rules of engagement. What what you're what you're"},{"startTime":1560.099,"endTime":1566.18,"body":"[Phoebe] into or what you're willing to? You're your rules, your game. Right. Like for example,"},{"startTime":1566.18,"endTime":1573.46,"body":"[Phoebe] do you like spanking? Do you like oral? Do you like clitoral stimulation? Do you like a little of"},{"startTime":1573.46,"endTime":1580.5,"body":"[Phoebe] the the choking? What what is it that are your rules? Yeah. And I think we've covered this"},{"startTime":1580.5,"endTime":1585.54,"body":"[Ed] before but I I think every time we talk about it, it's okay to repeat it because I don't think"},{"startTime":1585.54,"endTime":1591.619,"body":"[Ed] enough people do it. And that is don't talk about the things that you're not into. Right."},{"startTime":1591.619,"endTime":1598.5,"body":"[Ed] Talk about the things that you're specifically into. So kind of like desires, it's talk about what"},{"startTime":1598.5,"endTime":1606.809,"body":"[Ed] you're what things you want to physically happen. It's okay to say I'm not I'm not down for"},{"startTime":1606.809,"endTime":1613.53,"body":"[Ed] anal and I don't like heavy spanking but you can pinch my naples a little bit. That that's good."},{"startTime":1613.53,"endTime":1622.01,"body":"[Ed] That's still good communication. But still talk about exactly what you want because that's one"},{"startTime":1622.01,"endTime":1629.849,"body":"[Ed] that sets much clearer boundaries because you you've got a path to that goal set out. Whereas"},{"startTime":1629.93,"endTime":1637.72,"body":"[Ed] if you just say don't do this and that there's a lot of empty space between knots. Correct."},{"startTime":1637.72,"endTime":1643.24,"body":"[Phoebe] And it's really hard to navigate that. Correct. Because you just say no spanking but you go but I"},{"startTime":1643.24,"endTime":1649.72,"body":"[Ed] really like my naples pinched hard. Well you didn't say that. You just said I don't like spanking."},{"startTime":1650.44,"endTime":1656.76,"body":"[Ed] There's a whole bunch of other menu items that you didn't talk about. Exactly."},{"startTime":1658.149,"endTime":1667.349,"body":"[Phoebe] Be sexually assertive. I like assertive. I know you do. This is really important in casual"},{"startTime":1667.349,"endTime":1675.19,"body":"[Phoebe] situations that are unfamiliar. These nonverbal assertive cues when you're already engaged with"},{"startTime":1675.19,"endTime":1682.23,"body":"[Phoebe] somebody are really really important. You may want to grab that person to bring them closer."},{"startTime":1682.869,"endTime":1690.389,"body":"[Unknown] You may want to use your voice to give them feedback. You may want to rub your clit"},{"startTime":1692.149,"endTime":1696.869,"body":"[Phoebe] because that's what gives you off. Don't be shy to do that in front of a stranger if that's"},{"startTime":1696.869,"endTime":1703.67,"body":"[Unknown] what works with your other primary partner. Do it with this person. Don't feel like it's a"},{"startTime":1704.23,"endTime":1714.49,"body":"[Unknown] a slight or something against their skills. Honestly for most men they really like seeing that."},{"startTime":1714.49,"endTime":1722.01,"body":"[Ed] Absolutely. I can attest watching a woman go I'm going to use a toy and you at the same time."},{"startTime":1722.01,"endTime":1730.089,"body":"[Ed] I'm like oh hell yes please please can I watch? Yes and many many women will bring their"},{"startTime":1730.089,"endTime":1738.73,"body":"[Phoebe] vibrator or favorite toy dildo to to the party. Right because it's fun and it gets them off."},{"startTime":1738.73,"endTime":1747.049,"body":"[Phoebe] They get what they want for the evening and it's a hell of a show. It's 100% and some women"},{"startTime":1747.049,"endTime":1753.45,"body":"[Phoebe] will like to share toys and there's a whole other episode there on sharing toys and making"},{"startTime":1753.45,"endTime":1761.69,"body":"[Unknown] sure they're clean but we will get to that later. Passion and intimacy. So casual sex doesn't"},{"startTime":1761.69,"endTime":1768.01,"body":"[Ed] mean that there's no intimacy. I mean you're flirting with this person. You're kind of making a"},{"startTime":1768.01,"endTime":1773.93,"body":"[Ed] connection with them. At least that's the goal. You want to turn them on so you're trying to"},{"startTime":1774.73,"endTime":1779.129,"body":"[Ed] understand them a little bit. You're trying to become more intimate with them."},{"startTime":1779.29,"endTime":1786.889,"body":"[Phoebe] Right and we were touching on this earlier and there's that misnomer that casual is just pure"},{"startTime":1786.889,"endTime":1793.77,"body":"[Phoebe] physical pleasure but we can have like you said that that emotion component"},{"startTime":1794.889,"endTime":1800.4089999999999,"body":"[Phoebe] and not be so so distant with one another. Yeah and I think for fear that we're going to like"},{"startTime":1801.129,"endTime":1806.569,"body":"[Ed] you know leave our partner and they're yeah that that is a whole other level of"},{"startTime":1806.569,"endTime":1813.109,"body":"[Ed] of there's another tough yeah that we're not getting it into in this particular episode."},{"startTime":1813.109,"endTime":1819.649,"body":"[Ed] But I think that there's a I think even for men and I'm talking to you that there's this"},{"startTime":1820.98,"endTime":1826.98,"body":"[Ed] misunderstanding of what intimacy is. I have much better experiences when I've gotten to know the"},{"startTime":1826.98,"endTime":1833.059,"body":"[Ed] woman and I feel like there's some sexual chemistry. It's not just physical attraction. It's not"},{"startTime":1833.139,"endTime":1838.18,"body":"[Ed] just that she gives a good blow job. It's not just that she's a lot of fun and bed."},{"startTime":1838.98,"endTime":1846.21,"body":"[Ed] Having that extra connection where it's been a little flirty it makes the experience so much"},{"startTime":1846.21,"endTime":1854.21,"body":"[Phoebe] better for me. Yes 100% and research actually indicates that this somewhat more of this"},{"startTime":1854.77,"endTime":1861.17,"body":"[Unknown] closeness intimate passion does yield a more satisfying experience. Yeah."},{"startTime":1862.129,"endTime":1867.73,"body":"[Ed] Now I'll throw in a little bit of a caution with this. One of our early experiences I was very"},{"startTime":1867.73,"endTime":1874.369,"body":"[Ed] passionately kissing a woman on the dance floor and early on that can be a little intimidating"},{"startTime":1874.369,"endTime":1880.69,"body":"[Ed] for your primary partner. So make sure everybody's on the same page. Yes well and you may have"},{"startTime":1880.69,"endTime":1887.809,"body":"[Phoebe] to walk through that. I mean I was never used to seeing you do that right. So it was highly"},{"startTime":1887.809,"endTime":1896.609,"body":"[Ed] unusual and I agree it was very unusual. It's a bit shocking to me. So I got a little triggered"},{"startTime":1896.609,"endTime":1902.129,"body":"[Phoebe] but that doesn't mean that can't happen again that just we just go offline. We talk about it"},{"startTime":1902.129,"endTime":1909.25,"body":"[Phoebe] later that evening or the next day. However a couple wants to do that and maybe you say yeah"},{"startTime":1909.25,"endTime":1914.609,"body":"[Phoebe] you know I was triggered. You move past it and you can come back to that fun type of"},{"startTime":1914.609,"endTime":1919.97,"body":"[Phoebe] make-out session again or maybe you can't maybe you just decide that's a real thing. That's just a"},{"startTime":1919.97,"endTime":1926.049,"body":"[Ed] thing right. Now I'll also throw in we've been talking about kind of intimacy from like a sexual"},{"startTime":1926.049,"endTime":1931.089,"body":"[Ed] standpoint but there's a different kind of intimacy and this is one that you and I really like"},{"startTime":1931.089,"endTime":1938.049,"body":"[Ed] and that's kind of cuddle fucking. It's the laughing about something because somebody made a"},{"startTime":1938.049,"endTime":1945.73,"body":"[Ed] weird noise or somebody giggles or somebody says oh golly in the middle of having sex. Yeah"},{"startTime":1945.73,"endTime":1953.77,"body":"[Unknown] yeah I'm not looking at anybody. It's the fun aspect of it and I think kind of letting your"},{"startTime":1953.77,"endTime":1963.049,"body":"[Ed] hair down as they say and just having a good time helps a lot with that and it's not having a"},{"startTime":1963.049,"endTime":1968.17,"body":"[Ed] good sexual time is just having fun with these people. These are new people who you've met and"},{"startTime":1968.17,"endTime":1976.97,"body":"[Phoebe] you're having a great great time with them. I know in fact I just recalled a shower scene"},{"startTime":1977.77,"endTime":1985.45,"body":"[Phoebe] situation where we were in an orgy I get up you must have still been on the bed. I go to take a"},{"startTime":1985.45,"endTime":1991.93,"body":"[Phoebe] shower because I was just drenched in sweat. The room was hot. I go take a shower. Some other guy"},{"startTime":1991.93,"endTime":1996.809,"body":"[Phoebe] is done in the orgy room. He comes in. He doesn't want to wait for the shower. Oh I remember that."},{"startTime":1996.809,"endTime":2001.399,"body":"[Phoebe] He opens the door and we're all of a sudden we're in the shower together and I'm like I didn't"},{"startTime":2001.399,"endTime":2006.92,"body":"[Phoebe] even play with this man. I didn't even see him in the bedroom because it was a large bedroom and"},{"startTime":2006.92,"endTime":2010.68,"body":"[Guest] they were on one corner and they were on the right and now you're loofa buddies with this guy."},{"startTime":2010.68,"endTime":2019.879,"body":"[Phoebe] And now right so strangely intimate in the shower and I'm like this is a lot of fun. Yeah"},{"startTime":2019.879,"endTime":2026.2,"body":"[Ed] this is a lot of fun and at the last house party we were at I was in the bathroom and it"},{"startTime":2026.52,"endTime":2032.599,"body":"[Unknown] I had just finished having sex and I was I was relieving myself. I was urinating. Right right"},{"startTime":2032.599,"endTime":2039.51,"body":"[Ed] and the door happened to be cracked open. Woman walked in and she goes wow comfortable. And I was"},{"startTime":2039.51,"endTime":2045.9089999999999,"body":"[Ed] like you know what everybody's seen everything at this point. I kind of not worried about it anymore"},{"startTime":2045.9089999999999,"endTime":2053.089,"body":"[Phoebe] and she was like nice package. That's right. Opened up all kinds of doors for stuff to happen"},{"startTime":2053.089,"endTime":2059.73,"body":"[Phoebe] in the future just saying. Yep. It's a great conversation there. I know that that same party"},{"startTime":2059.73,"endTime":2067.089,"body":"[Phoebe] was really funny. Same thing similar happened to me. Someone walked in and we the woman and I"},{"startTime":2067.089,"endTime":2070.9300000000003,"body":"[Phoebe] were chatting and I said you know what I'm just gonna use the bathroom but you can stay and she's"},{"startTime":2070.9300000000003,"endTime":2076.45,"body":"[Phoebe] like well I'm like no I don't care. And so she's talking to me. I don't even know her. I'm peeing"},{"startTime":2076.45,"endTime":2082.45,"body":"[Phoebe] on the toilet. I really don't once again you're naked you're running around the house naked"},{"startTime":2082.5299999999997,"endTime":2087.3289999999997,"body":"[Phoebe] everyone's seeing everything. I'm like really I really don't care if you see me peeing. It's not a big deal."},{"startTime":2087.3289999999997,"endTime":2095.9700000000003,"body":"[Ed] I do it every day. It's several times not any sexual at that point. So that's the kind of"},{"startTime":2096.69,"endTime":2106.17,"body":"[Ed] you know fun intimacy that we are talking about. It's absolutely. All right. The fifth tip is"},{"startTime":2106.17,"endTime":2118.569,"body":"[Phoebe] do you some caution and research shows that women connect sex and love more than men do. Yeah. Yeah."},{"startTime":2118.569,"endTime":2129.5299999999997,"body":"[Phoebe] And women desire fewer sexual partners than men on average. Right. And add it intimacy with"},{"startTime":2129.5299999999997,"endTime":2138.17,"body":"[Unknown] others may or may not be for you or your partner. And it does require more communication practice"},{"startTime":2138.809,"endTime":2147.129,"body":"[Phoebe] trial and error. Right. And there was a woman at one of the BDSM parties that we met and she was"},{"startTime":2147.129,"endTime":2154.17,"body":"[Phoebe] very specific about what she said she was. She had a definition for it which I could remember."},{"startTime":2154.17,"endTime":2163.77,"body":"[Phoebe] But it was essentially she said I I attach very easily to people that I am sexually intimate with."},{"startTime":2163.77,"endTime":2169.9300000000003,"body":"[Phoebe] Therefore I cannot do that. Right. Because that affects me greatly and affects my partner greatly."},{"startTime":2169.9300000000003,"endTime":2178.809,"body":"[Phoebe] So I'm here to facilitate a good time to flirt with everybody and to help in any way I can. Right."},{"startTime":2178.889,"endTime":2187.21,"body":"[Phoebe] And I thought wow. That's I really respected that she just came out and just said that out front."},{"startTime":2187.21,"endTime":2192.01,"body":"[Phoebe] She was very confident about it. And you knew exactly where she stood. So you knew where her"},{"startTime":2192.01,"endTime":2198.809,"body":"[Phoebe] boundaries were and you knew not to push it. But you knew she gave you what you also needed which was"},{"startTime":2198.809,"endTime":2205.3689999999997,"body":"[Phoebe] she likes to be flirty and you and she said you can touch me. Right. But I just want to have sex with"},{"startTime":2205.3689999999997,"endTime":2211.129,"body":"[Phoebe] you. So just so we know a front no sex because that's not what I do but flirting and kissing and"},{"startTime":2211.129,"endTime":2217.369,"body":"[Phoebe] not that that's my thing. And it all works that way. Right. Yeah. It's great. So knowing those"},{"startTime":2217.369,"endTime":2223.46,"body":"[Phoebe] boundaries and is good but you're not always going to know that upfront. You're going to have to test"},{"startTime":2223.46,"endTime":2229.379,"body":"[Phoebe] those boundaries and that's that communication and the love and respect that you have or one another"},{"startTime":2230.099,"endTime":2237.299,"body":"[Unknown] to work through those challenges that next day is going to be really important for your long-term"},{"startTime":2238.26,"endTime":2246.34,"body":"[Phoebe] swing or hobby or lifestyle if that's how you want to look at it. So in conclusion casual sex"},{"startTime":2246.34,"endTime":2252.929,"body":"[Ed] typically sucks. It's not great in lifestyle because people go into it hoping that they can just"},{"startTime":2252.929,"endTime":2261.329,"body":"[Ed] flop down on a bed have amazing sex and be done. Yeah. Thankfully it doesn't work like that and"},{"startTime":2262.05,"endTime":2270.61,"body":"[Ed] it does require a little bit of work on both partners to get to a really fun and enjoyable sexual"},{"startTime":2270.61,"endTime":2277.989,"body":"[Unknown] experience. So communicate with your partner. Slow down to learn what they need, what they like"},{"startTime":2278.71,"endTime":2285.509,"body":"[Ed] and tell them what you want and what you like and work towards having a little bit of intimacy"},{"startTime":2285.509,"endTime":2295.699,"body":"[Unknown] to make those experiences even better for both of you. Well said. Thanks for listening and check us"},{"startTime":2295.699,"endTime":2303.219,"body":"[Ed] out with all the rest of our episodes. You can check out our Patreon content at patreon.com slash"},{"startTime":2303.219,"endTime":2316.02,"body":"[Ed] swinger university. You can email us and you can even call us at 916-538-0482. Leave us a message. Tell"},{"startTime":2316.02,"endTime":2322.659,"body":"[Ed] us your dirtiest story. Tell us your experience. Tell us that you hate the podcast. Whatever. Just"},{"startTime":2322.659,"endTime":2329.73,"body":"[Unknown] call us and leave us a message because we love to hear from you. We do. Thanks for listening."},{"startTime":2329.8089999999997,"endTime":2361.8,"body":"[Unknown] Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you"},{"startTime":2361.8,"endTime":2368.55,"body":"[Ed] can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people"},{"startTime":2368.55,"endTime":2377.429,"body":"[Ed] find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com"},{"startTime":2377.429,"endTime":2384.489,"body":"[Ed] forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community."},{"startTime":2384.489,"endTime":2387.05,"body":"[Ed] We'll see you again soon."}]}