Tiara Elmore, founder of Tough Energy, turned life's curveballs into inspiration, sharing a poignant journey from battling her mother's stage four lung cancer to overcoming aortic aneurysms. In a candid conversation, she imparts the wisdom of cherishing moments and cultivating a positive mindset. Join us for a transformative tale of resilience, unity, and thriving.
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DEJA @deja.waja
Tiara Elmore, founder of Tough Energy, turned life's curveballs into inspiration, sharing a poignant journey from battling her mother's stage four lung cancer to overcoming aortic aneurysms. In a candid conversation, she imparts the wisdom of cherishing moments and cultivating a positive mindset. Join us for a transformative tale of resilience, unity, and thriving.
Podcast available on ALL listening platforms
Mind Over Matter linktr.ee/mindovermatterbabyyy
Watch Manhattan Neighborhood Network EVERY Saturday @ 12pm
Follow us on Instagram
@mindovermatterbabyyy
DEJA @deja.waja
My whole perspective on life just changed. I feel like now I'm more friendly, like I like to make people happy. I like to make people feel special you know what I mean, because you never know what someone's going through mentally and emotionally and I just wanna live and be happy and just be peaceful, whereas before I feel like I was just so focused on you know, of course, you know like building and this and that it's like, yeah, I'm still focused on, you know, building generational wealth and you know all of that, but I just wanna live at the same time and be peaceful and be happy.
Speaker 3:So you wanna enjoy the journey more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, enjoy it Instead of being like so stressed about, oh this has to happen this moment, this has to. You know this, have you know? I don't like. I was telling my daughter the other day. I said I don't like rushing anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's my sophisticated year because I have a sophisticated woman in the building with me. We have Miss Tiara Elmore in the building. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me Welcome. Welcome to Mind Over Matter podcast. I'm your host, deja Wallace. If this is your first time joining me, welcome. If this is not, welcome back, I appreciate you and just kick back. Grab a cent. We're gonna get into Tiara's story. Tough energy Let people know about a little bit about what tough energy is.
Speaker 1:So our mission is to promote the awareness of aortic aneurysms overall heart health, wellness, fitness and to help people navigate through tough times mentally, physically and emotionally.
Speaker 3:And that's beautiful. I feel like our brands align beautifully in that aspect because it's about just like mindset, the importance of just having a positive mindset and a mindset where you are attracting your desired reality. That's what Mind Over Matter really is Tough energy. Mind Over Matter big collab, big collab. It just yeah, it really aligns perfectly, yeah, yeah. So why did you even start Tough Energy? What made you really wanna start that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so basically February of 2014, my mom was diagnosed with a thoracic aortic aneurysm and she was rushed to the hospital and so I got there and they were about to do emergency open heart surgery on her. So the doctor comes in and he's like you know, we wanna do the open heart surgery but we can't because of the cancer and we're like cancer what cancer.
Speaker 1:So when they did her scans they saw like a spot on her lung and they saw the aortic aneurysm as well. So she stayed a couple of days in the hospital and they did more testing and then coming to find out it was stage four lung cancer. So at that point they definitely couldn't open her up and so two years went on. She went through chemo, some radiation. Two years later, in the beginning of 2016, I was actually laying on my ex-chess and like he felt my heart throbbing and I gotta try not to even get emotional about the whole situation.
Speaker 1:But basically he asked me when it was last time I got my heart checked, because I knew I had leaky valves, I knew I had a heart murmur and my appointment was actually coming up in a couple of days, but I had to interview hospice places for my mom that day. So I was gonna reschedule my appointment, like I had been doing for two years. So I went two years without getting my vows checked and he was like well, you know, don't you? He was like what time is your appointment? I'm like it's that morning. So in the morning he was like well, don't you interview hospice places? In the afternoon I'm like yeah, he was like, well, why can't you do both? And I was just like, well, good point. And he basically forced me to go.
Speaker 3:So was this like a job interview with hospice?
Speaker 1:No, hospice, so my mom was declining.
Speaker 3:She was declining at this point. So no, no, no, it's okay, I didn't know it.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so hospice, like that's where they go. Some people can do home hospice, or you go to a facility my mom went to. She was supposed to do home hospice but when she got to the facility she started declining so fast it wasn't a good idea for her to come home. So she was there three weeks and then she passed. So basically hospice care is to make them comfortable, as comfortable as they can, especially like a cancer patient who was in a lot of pain, like at the end the cancer has spread it all over. Oh wow, so it was all over her body. I even went to her brain. So basically they just make them really, really comfortable. And just you know, they pump them with a lot of morphine and just to make them yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:So basically that same day that I had to go to the hospital to interview hospice places, I found out about my aortic aneurysms that morning. So when I got to the doctor they did the echocardiogram. And not only did I have the same one, my mom had the same size, over five centimeters, as she was diagnosed with two years prior. I also have one in my abdomen that I still have today. That's about 4.3 centimeters.
Speaker 1:So, is this like a genetic thing? They think it is. They think it is. So, like my daughter, she has to get echocardiograms Now, even though she's 16, she's required to get them every other year. Is it ever too early to get that? No, no, baby, I mean in my opinion. I feel like everyone should get echocardiograms. I feel like it should be a part of the physicals. You know what I mean, Because you can't determine anything that's inside of the heart by listening to it.
Speaker 3:And it's like the heart has been beating before we have physically even been here, and it's crazy how the lack of information we have on the heart.
Speaker 1:The lack of information and the lack of thoroughly checking the hearts, because, yeah, they might do like a little EKG, you know, but that's not determining a lot. That's not determining anything that's going on internally, that's just the rate of the heart.
Speaker 1:That's pretty much like the rate, the rhythm. You know what I mean. But you can't determine a lot from EKG, you know. You definitely not an aortic aneurysm like how I what I had, and that's something deadly. You know what I mean. Wow.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so basically that same day that I found out about my aortic aneurysms and I went straight to the hospital to interview hospices places for my mom while she was declining. So my initials are TE Tierra Elmore, right. So that day when the doctor told me all of that, like I feel like I transitioned from Tierra Elmore to tough energy, you know, because I literally had to have tough energy to go through that whole situation, knowing I have to get open heart surgery, you know, knowing that my mom was about to die any day now you know what I mean. And then she, then she actually died on February 4th, which is guess what? Is World Cancer Day and February is American Heart Month, wow. So I don't feel like you know, I feel like just the day she passed alone speaks volumes. You know what I mean, because it's a part of my brand, my purpose, and I just feel like it was all destined by God to happen that way.
Speaker 3:And that's a powerful perspective to have, instead of, like, blaming God, like why, this, why me and? Just feeling like a victim about it, that's very powerful to have that mindset Like how did you get to this? Like, how did you get to this mindset? Was it always like that from the job?
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no. So when my mom was first diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, I fell into a deep depression. I started going to therapy immediately. That was actually my first time going to therapy I had never been before. And once I started going to therapy, my therapist started changing my mindset to a more positive one, because of the fact that she was like you can't spend these. She was like these are the last days that you're spending with your mom. Don't spend these last days with her sad and down in the press. You have to make the best out of these last moments with your mom. And you know what we started doing. We started traveling. We went to Vegas. She had never been to Vegas. She wanted to see some some pretty blue water. So we went to Puerto Rico, and that was her last trip actually was Puerto Rico. I took her for her birthday in 2015. She died three months later.
Speaker 1:And on that plane ride back. She told me on the plane ride she was like here, I know you don't want to hear this, but when we get back I want to start playing in my funeral. She was like I want to let you know this is my last trip, I'm not taking anymore. And why do?
Speaker 3:you think people wait so long to actually start living life? You know people it's ironic people wait until they are faced with death to actually live Exactly.
Speaker 2:Why do?
Speaker 3:you think that's so?
Speaker 2:or, in your case, what? Why do you think?
Speaker 3:it took so long for you to actually do what you wanted to do with your mom.
Speaker 1:Right, Well, we, no, we were living before honey.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, no, no, no, we were living, you're still living, the best life. My mom was lit before. Lit was a thing.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, we were definitely living. Okay, that's good, we were. We both like sports a lot, so we was going. We were living in Dallas at that time, so we was going to the cowboy games all the time. We went to the Mavericks games, like she was really into sports like me and well, I was into sports like her, basically. But no, girl, no, we were living. We were living. We weren't traveling as much because I had just started my career. I was in the network and engineering field at that time. So you know, I was a man, I had just gotten into management, so I didn't really have a lot of time to, you know, travel like that. But we were happy. We were happy. That's good, that's good yeah.
Speaker 3:And going back to you saying like, just like the fact that she died on this certain date, where it's like um was. Is it breast cancer awareness or was it heart awareness month? No, so it's American heart health mom and that's like everything was aligned in a weird way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was already aligned.
Speaker 3:So do you believe that everything happens for a reason, even though tragedy has to happen?
Speaker 1:Tragedy has to happen and that's why, every day when I pray, I thank God for the lessons and the blessings, because without those lessons you can't learn. You know what I mean. Like it's, I feel, like I feel like there's never a mistake. That was, that wasn't a mistake, it was a lesson, and it was a lesson to be learned. You know what I mean. And I feel like tragedy happens because it shapes us into the person that God wants us to be. You know what I mean. So I feel like, sometimes, a lot of times, tragedy is necessary and, honestly, that and that whole situation just gave me a whole another perspective on life, right as a whole, and I didn't, to be honest with you, I didn't know I could be this strong If someone would have told me years before that happened that you know you would. Your mom is going to get cancer. You know she's going to have a aortic aeurysm. Then you're going to find out and this.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean If someone would have told me all of that. I would have been like well, your minds will just take me now because I'm not going to be able to handle it. You know, yeah, so you never really know what you can handle yeah. Until you're actually going through it, because I would have never thought Right right, that's not easy to deal with, like you're really cut different and in your case, was your aneurysm like life threatening.
Speaker 1:Yes, the one in my heart for sure, Mom. The one in my mom's heart was over five centimeters. Mine was over five centimeters as well. Once it gets, once it gets to like five centimeters, that's when it requires open heart.
Speaker 3:So how did you like process all of that mentally?
Speaker 1:Like I went numb, kind of like I downplayed it to my family. So my family thought I just had to have like a heart. And why did you do that? Why did you do that? Because we were all. We were already going through so much with my mom, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like my dad, my brothers, my nieces, you know my daughter, you know. We were already going through so much with her. I knew we were about to lose her any day. At this point, when I found out, you got to think she was already declining. Yeah, yeah, she only had three weeks left, you know. So I didn't want to put even more on my family.
Speaker 1:That you know and I just I don't know, I just kind of put it in the back of my head Like I don't even know how I did. You know, looking back now, especially at the writing my book, I'm like dang, how did you go through all that? How did you? You know, how, how did I do that? And it was almost like I put it in the back of my mind like it wasn't happening and I kind of became numb and I didn't really grieve. I didn't grieve like and thank God I did go to the doctor when I did, because had I really grieved the way I wanted to grieve, they probably would have been putting me beside my mom, because stress can cause aneurysms to grow in rupture. Oh, wow, wow. So that day when the doctor told me and he, you know, when I told him about my mom, he was just like so you cannot stress you can't grieve.
Speaker 3:That's probably a protective mechanism for your body to even like. Just block that out, right?
Speaker 1:And see, even now, you know, I live with one every day, the one of my abdomen I still have, right, so I block it out.
Speaker 1:You know, like if I dwell on it and like, oh, you're walking around every day with an aeurysm, you know, I don't. The only time it really hits me is when my body starts to slow down a little bit, because my body is constantly working over time every day, every day, all day. So when I start shutting down and I get, like you know, really tired, then that's when it hit me. Okay, like tear, you have an aeurysm at the size of 4.3 centimeters, like you need to lay down for the day, like take, just take a rest day. And that's what I do too. I'll take if I feel like my body is slowing down. I'm like I'm taking a rest day and I listen to my body, right, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then how does your like day to day life, like even just your mindset alone, is different now compared to before you found out that news about your heart condition? I'm deaf.
Speaker 1:I'm more closer to God, like it brought me so close to God, like I wake up every day praying, reading my daily devotionals and my Bible app, you know, and it's crazy because I'm like dang, I wish I knew all of what I know now when my mom was here, but I know this was part of my journey. This was part of my purpose for me to learn after you know, right, right, you know right, but but yeah, I'm working out.
Speaker 1:You know I work out a lot, so that helped and I like to start my day off working out like soon as I, you know, yeah, soon as I. It sets the tone, it does and it helps me. People don't even realize it's like, yes, cool, you know you want to have a nice body, but it helps you so much mentally. Yes, working out helps me a ton mentally. It really really does. It helps my mental health for sure. It definitely helps my you know fight off depression and anxiety. Right, yeah.
Speaker 3:And it's it's sometimes I think about, like people who kind of have a success story in life. Right, you always hear like these crazy stories and you wonder how did they do this? How?
Speaker 1:did they really?
Speaker 3:persevere and endure what they went through. And like for me to like I've understood that you have to really go through dark times to like appreciate the light, Like you have to go through you. If it rained all the time, we wouldn't know how it felt, exactly when it's sunny yeah.
Speaker 3:So that's really like something I started realizing lately, especially when, like, getting closer to God, yep, I found out like yeah, he, he actually likes. In a weird way, it's kind of like good when he sees us like going through hard time, because he knows that it's building us up Exactly For tough energy.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:See what I did there.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, for sure, but that's definitely what I've learned recently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it definitely brought me a lot closer to God, like, yeah, and even even the fact that be my mom, we have a spiritual connection, like it's strong. It's strong like to where my friends can even see and feel certain things you know, like when it's happening, like we have a really strong spiritual connection and I thank God for that, because people, a lot of people, will never experience what I've experienced on, like with my mom being on the other side. You know, because I'm, I'm, I believe in God, you know, I know, I know where she's at, you know, and for God to be able to send me those spiritual connections with my mom, even my dreams, like she comes to my dreams all the time. I dream about her all the time and even in my dreams I will, we'll catch up.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, like I'll tell her was because you know, like a lot of things happen in my life and you know I'd be wanting to pick up the phone and call my mom and I can't. You know that's like a spiritual gift, it is. And it's funny you say that my therapist slash. You know, spiritual advisor, that's what she told me. She was like you really have a special gift with your dreams. Yeah, yeah, she tells me that all the time. Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how did that make you even? It's going to get a little dark, but how did I even make you look at death? Because, personally, I look at death in a kind of like weird way, where it's like I feel like I have to do everything right now because you never know what exactly.
Speaker 2:I was not promising anybody Exactly. Is that and that's?
Speaker 3:like why even do the podcast? I'm like right, like what if something really happens to me? Like you know, and then I'm like oh, you got like a whole catalog to see how I was as a person. Yeah, now, off of just Instagram. It gets deeper than that, right, right. So that's kind of like where my thought process is, even when I'm like do I really want to do this?
Speaker 3:I'm like, damn, I want to leave a legacy. So yeah, absolutely. In a weird way, that is like oh, it sounds I sound crazy, but like it, kind of like is a motivation.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I know that we only have so much time here, right? So how like? What's your perspective on that?
Speaker 1:on death yeah, I kind of feel. I feel the same way. So I feel like you have to live for today Because, like you said, tomorrow is not promised to anybody and I know where I'm going, I know my relationship with God, you know. So it's like, of course I want to grow old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure you know, god willing, god willing I really I want to get.
Speaker 1:I want to grow old. I want to see my daughter old my nieces, my nephews, you know everybody. But yeah, I feel like it's like when that moment comes. Like I said, I want to grow old, but I know where I'm going and I know I'm going to see my mom again.
Speaker 3:So, it gives me a lot of. It's like gives me peace, get a peace.
Speaker 1:yep, yeah, it gives me that peace. It's like I know where.
Speaker 2:I'm going to heaven.
Speaker 1:I know my mom is in heaven so We'd be reunited with her. My grandmas everybody, and I pray for them every day. I pray for their spirits, every single day when I pray. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like just to remain in peace.
Speaker 1:Yep and I, just I ask God to always ask God to tell them like we love them and we miss them, you know, and just I just pray for them. I pray for God to continue to bless their spirits as well.
Speaker 3:And when you were going through just like you had to go through open heart surgery, right. Yeah yeah, that like Open heart yeah, my scar is right here. Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, my scar really should have started down here. Once they got in, it was actually, they said it was larger than what they thought, so they thought it was slightly over five centimeters. Once they got in, it was closer to six, which means it could erupt today any moment, and I wouldn't. They would have been putting me right beside my mom, so the timing was.
Speaker 3:Yep, Wow immaculate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, oh man yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, even going through like that surgery, how was like? Like how, what was the support system like? Because, like you said, you didn't really go into details about everything?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't. So one of my aunts got on me about that. How were they able to?
Speaker 3:support you during that time. Your family Like after my open heart. No like during, like you, days leading up to you going in and like having to live with that.
Speaker 1:Oh, they were definitely supportive, so of course-.
Speaker 3:But did they know like the details at that point?
Speaker 1:Yeah, pretty. Yeah, I think by the time my mom passed, and by the time because it was about three months from my mom. Actually, my open heart surgery was exactly three months after my mom's funeral. My mom passed February 4th, which was, like I said, a World Cancer Day, and during American Heart Month, and her funeral was February 10th. My open heart surgery was May 10th.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And you know the number 10 represents like new beginnings and completion. And so, yeah, it was almost like you know her life physically and not spiritually, cause we know she's still here in spirit. But and then it was like I had a new beginning. Wow, that day it was like something's orchestrated from up above. Something had to be, somebody had to be pulling the strings for that one.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 1:But yeah, my family and my friends were. They were very, very supportive, like even the day of my mom's funeral. Like I said, they knew I had a heart situation going on like my family. My friends probably knew more than my family. I kind of downplayed it a little more to my family just because they were the ones that were really going through, you know everything the same.
Speaker 2:yeah, my mom.
Speaker 1:So my friends knew more than my family did at that time. But yeah, they, everybody, everybody wanted to come out there for my surgery, right? Everybody was like we coming with and I'm like, no, y'all, I'm gonna need y'all after Cause, at that time I was in Dallas, I was living in Dallas. I'm like you know how about we spread it out, because I'm gonna need help at home. You know what I mean. So I'm like it's no point in everybody coming while I'm in, especially while I'm in the hospital. You know what I mean? Because I mean the I have the nurses and the doctors and everybody there.
Speaker 3:So it's like I'm gonna need y'all after the fact, you're gonna put them on an emotional rollercoaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a lot, but who would?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna try and get emotional about this, but so, like I said, I told everybody to come afterwards, which one of my friends you know, my best friend she was really, really upset that she didn't come when, during that whole timeframe, well, she wound up coming cause I called her crying because I woke up alone after my surgery. My dad came out there and I think back then I was angry about it. It took me, it took me until this year to realize it was too much for my dad to see me like that. You know, because he was there. He was there when I went under him and two of my friends that were in Texas they were there when I went under and my surgery was eight and a half hours but and then I didn't wake up probably until almost four hours after my surgery. So it was like a all day thing and I lived about an hour away from the hospital. So my dad went back to my house to check on my niece and my daughter, but then it's like my niece was like 17 at the time, my daughter was eight. It's like my niece has her.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Like why did you leave? But so, yeah, I woke up. I woke up alone, actually, and when I, as I was waking up, on a ventilator, mouth taped up. You know I can't breathe all this and now I'm in pain. There's IVs everywhere and I could just hear, like the doctors and the nurses they were like where is her family? Where is her family? Like she's waking up, she needs someone familiar here and honestly, I think that I think that I'm not scary.
Speaker 2:you know scary, I think they thought I was younger than what I.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, cause I was 29 at the time, you know, and I think they thought I was probably younger than that. But I think they also wanted me to have someone familiar in there when I woke up, which would have been nice and you know, as I opened my eyes, I was just like dang, nobody's here, like this is crazy. And I know like if my mom was still alive she would have been there, hands down sick and all you know what I mean. She would have been there. So it was just when I think about that moment when I woke up by myself, like it tears me up every time.
Speaker 3:I'm tight for you, I would have just had it.
Speaker 1:I was angry. I was really angry at my dad for a long time and it took me to this year going through therapy, lots of extensive therapy and healing, and writing my book is what made me realize, okay, it's not that he didn't want to be there. I really think it was just too much for him. Yeah, mentally, yeah yeah and cause he came to the hospital here and there, but barely.
Speaker 3:Cause. Like you're not in the like, you're not the daughter that he remembers.
Speaker 1:Right, he's just. You know the person after the time and then they reminded him a lot of my mom as well. I'm sure Seeing her in the hospital bed too.
Speaker 3:What would you like to like? What specifically do you want people to be aware of when it comes to just like heart health, that you think a lot of people don't know, so a lot of people don't know about aneurysm.
Speaker 1:So when you think aneurysm, people think brain. They don't know that you can get them in your heart. They don't know about aortic aneurysms. It's not a known thing. I didn't know until my mom was diagnosed, cause you know. When she told me she's like, yeah, you know, they're about to do emergency open heart surgery on me. They're rushing me to the hospital. I have an aortic aneurysm. I'm like what is that? So I'm on my phone like Googling what is an aortic aneurysm? I had no clue about any of that and a lot of people don't, and that's why it's there. I call them a silent killer because people will. You'll just collapse one day and die and not even you know what I mean, not even know, and it's. And it's crazy because it also reminds me of I had a good friend who and her name was Erin Stewart and when I was 15, she died at 19 from heart.
Speaker 2:She had an enlarged heart.
Speaker 1:She was. She was trying out for a band. She was in college, she was a sophomore in college and she was trying out for the band and walked back in the building and collapsed that. And that messed me up and I feel like she's one of my angels as well, you know, and for her to die from, I feel like Like it's been around you all your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like she. I feel like between her and my mom. That was part of the reason why, like I was saved from my heart situation. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Like I feel I just I've yeah it brought the awareness in at a young age, like because even in school we don't really learn about the heart.
Speaker 1:We kind of like briefly glimpse over it.
Speaker 3:And for people to really like remember information about that, like their look. That is like you're really smart, Like that's for the smart kids to know more about specific stuff about the heart and like even when I was researching about your condition, I'm like wow, like this is like simple, like it's just swelling yeah so our aorta is the main artery, the body's main artery right, and that's what pumps all the blood from our heart throughout our body.
Speaker 1:So that's why it's so deadly if you get it. If the aneurysm ruptures, it's a rat Because you're gonna bleed internally. But so basically, like so the aorta, you know it's in the heart, and once you get the aneurysm it becomes like a bulge, you know, in it, and that's why you can't play around with it at all.
Speaker 3:But it's like a quick Google search. You find like a simple definition that you can explain to a five year old. But yet why am I now learning this at this grown age? I've never like really cared to research about the heart. So, why do you like what's some? What's some like facts and statistics that you found out, especially specifically like about how to prevent.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so how to prevent them? To be honest, the main thing is getting echocardiograms, which I feel like that should be a part you know of our physicals, right, at least I feel like, especially when you get to a certain age or you know if you have any heart conditions within your family. You know like, when I meet people, I meet people all the time that you know, cause they'll like start staring at my scar or like they'll ask me questions, and I love sharing my story because I feel like I'm saving a life at the same time. And every time I ask someone about when I ask them, you know, have you ever heard of A or A? They all say no, they're like no, I thought you were gonna get any reasons in your brain every time, literally everybody. I've never met a person that knew like, unless they had, you know, an experience or a family member or something, but I haven't to this day.
Speaker 1:But so definitely get echocardiograms. You know, know your genetic history and see, I feel like it came from my mom's dad side of the family, which is this is crazy, cause my mom was actually born in New York city. So for this to be like my first, oh, where did she come? She was born in the city. Her dad worked at a hospital back Like Manhattan. Yeah, she was born in Manhattan, but she my mom's dad, he died. My granddad, he died when she was seven from a quote unquote heart attack. All of her brothers and her sister on her dad's side, they all died from quote unquote heart conditions. I personally feel like they had aortic aneurysms and didn't know it and they just call it a heart attack, because back then who knows if they even knew? You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the technology wasn't there yet he died in the sixties and then all of her, none of her, all of her brothers. I don't even know if they made it to 40. They might have they might. I think they all died in their forties and that's why I try to stay. I have two older brothers I'm the youngest and I try to stay on top of my brothers.
Speaker 1:Like y'all need to get checked because this is, you know, this is clearly genetics. Yes, you know. So I've taken multiple genetics tests but they can't I think enough people haven't taken them to determine, like, if this is what it is. So, basically, when my last one came back with I took one in Texas, nothing came back. My last one that I took in Georgia last year, it came back with a gene called MYH11. And they think that gene is related to aortic aneurysms. But they're not 100% sure because enough people haven't gotten tested yet to know that has you know that gene and an aortic aneurysm. But I guess a few people have, but not enough for them to say that's where that gene came from. But I definitely think it's genetics and I think it came from my mom's dad's side of the family, for sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, genetic testing, and you know echocardiograms and you know eating healthy and exercising, staying active, and I really feel like it's important, especially like nowadays you hear you see a lot of athletes just dropping dead, dropping dead, dropping dead, like this athlete, this athlete, this you know, especially in football yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, and I feel like a lot of that is because, first of all, they're not getting thorough checks. They're doing these BS physicals, you know what I mean. That's not thoroughly checking them in turn. Like you can't determine anything by listening to my heart. You know what I mean. Like you can say I have a heart murmur, you know. But to see what's going on internally, they need an echocardiogram, especially when you're an athlete, you know what I mean. When you're an athlete, or just when you're active period, you need those thorough checks Because, guess what, your heart is constantly working over time. So they should be required to get echocardiograms. In my opinion, which is something that I really, really want to push, my goal is to eventually have like centers in different places where people can just come and get their heart checked for free. I would love that. Yeah, you know, yeah.
Speaker 3:Educate people.
Speaker 1:And educate yeah.
Speaker 3:Educate me a lot right here, like a lot.
Speaker 2:And I want to know more.
Speaker 3:Right, you have a movie coming out, yeah.
Speaker 1:I have a short film. A short film, yeah, short film coming out called. The Birth of Tough.
Speaker 3:Energy, the Birth of Tough Energy. Yeah yeah, what made you want to do this, like start this film?
Speaker 1:So when I tell people my story, the story I just told you about my ex and me going, you know, finding out the same day I interview hospice people and all that everybody's just like are you writing a book? You know, and I'm like yeah, I'm writing a book.
Speaker 3:You know, my book will come out soon. Yeah, that's the first thing I'm going to say, are you?
Speaker 1:writing a book, right. So when I tell people the story, it's such a significant story that it just draws a lot of people in and I'm like you know what would be great if they actually see what I went through, not me just tell them the story. You know what I mean For them. I want them to actually see and so they can feel what Tough Energy is all about. You know what I mean Because people probably I think a lot of people at first they were like oh, you know, it has the heart, it's the, you know the TE and the Tough Energy, and you know she had open heart surgery. So they think like, oh, it's just a part like of just a heart brand. No, it's way more to the story that people don't know. So I want them to actually be able to visualize what I went through and what I experienced.
Speaker 1:So it's going to show that whole, so like, and I feel like it's my mom's story as well, because you know I have someone playing her part and it is well.
Speaker 3:It's your whole family, like you said. It's like a lineage of people who experienced that. Yeah, wow, and your book.
Speaker 1:Yes, your book is already written, it's already out?
Speaker 3:No, it's not out yet.
Speaker 1:No, I'm releasing it on May 10th, which is my open heart surgery anniversary. So I'm still working on some edits. I'm going to start my pre-order soon and but yeah, my book is called Tough Energy and it's called Tough Energy, my Story, my Truth, and it's basically about my whole entire life. Yeah, like literally I actually started from before I was born up until now.
Speaker 3:So you spoke about like just an ancestry line of it.
Speaker 1:No, how my purpose started. Ok, yeah, it's a really good read. I'm excited.
Speaker 3:It's a really good read yeah.
Speaker 1:It's basically my purpose and I'll share a little bit. You know, basically my purpose started before I was well, when I was conceived, my purpose started. So my mom was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Have you ever heard of that Crohn's disease?
Speaker 3:That was the middle year.
Speaker 1:It's like a stomach, like an intestine, it's like a stomach disease or whatever, and but it can be. Basically, before they found out what exactly it was, they didn't think she was going to make it. This was like in the early 80s, so it wasn't a super known disease at that time and she had gotten really, really, really sick and she kept going in and out of the hospital. She was dropping all this weight, she couldn't keep food down, like it was terrible. And finally, after probably I'm sure, some misdiagnosis, they found out that it was Crohn's disease and the doctor told her she already had my two brothers and the doctor told her he was like if you have another baby, it'll cure your symptoms of Crohn's.
Speaker 1:And her and my dad was like I'm having no more kids, you know what I mean. Like we're done. And they kind of laughed about it because they didn't feel like the doctor knew what he was talking about and so I was kind of like an oops baby. And when my mom, when she was carrying me, she was really really, really sick from the symptoms, like she almost miscarried me several times. She lost a ton of weight. Actually, when I was born, my mom only weighed 90-something pounds at nine months, that's how bad it was. But after she had me guess what the symptoms were right away.
Speaker 3:Oh, he was right.
Speaker 1:He was right, because I didn't even know my mom had Crohn's disease until I was way older. Because I never saw my mom sick and that's when she told me the story. She was like, yeah, you help save my basically from her being sick all the time.
Speaker 3:That's crazy, because you know what I titled this episode? What Living on purpose.
Speaker 1:Wow, are you about to make it? No, look, that's what.
Speaker 3:I titled this episode Living on Purpose. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:Woo, yeah, I'm getting chills.
Speaker 3:I wish you got the outline and I think this is fire I did not know you were meeting you in person.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad I met you. I'm tearing up. I don't want to mess up my makeup.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's how true, it is, yeah, yeah. So I want to talk about your perspective more, because I feel like perspective is everything Right. A lot of people they don't even realize that they're creating. They're living in a product of their perspective, absolutely, some people are just very naive to that. And how important is it, how important is perspective to you, especially now that you've been through all of that?
Speaker 1:Oh, my whole perspective on life just changed. I feel like now I'm very, very obsessed with the context around my life. I'm more friendly, like I like to make people happy. I like to make people feel special. You know what I mean, because you never know what someone's going through mentally and emotionally and I just want to live and be happy and just be peaceful. You know, whereas before I feel like I was just so focused on you know, of course, you know like building and this, and that it's like, yeah, I'm still focused on, you know, building generational wealth and you know all of that, but I just want to live at the same time and be peaceful and be happy. So, um.
Speaker 3:You want to enjoy the journey more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, enjoy it Instead of being like so stressed about, oh this has to happen this moment. This has to. You know, this hap, you know I don't like. I was telling my daughter the other day. I said I don't like rushing anymore, I don't like rushing.
Speaker 3:Actually I want to move out of New York City. Yeah, like I want to take my time.
Speaker 2:Right, right, I'm sure Like it's a lot and I'm in Atlanta so, girl on the outskirts?
Speaker 1:Luckily I live on the suburb, so I'm on the outskirts of Atlanta, so I don't have to deal with Atlanta every day. But, um, everybody's in a rush to go nowhere. Yeah, yeah. And then sometimes I feel like God will hold us back from like, for instance, I got to have a moment where I'll forget something and I have to turn around you know, and, and that always happens specifically when I'm rushing.
Speaker 3:When I'm being rushed, I always forget something.
Speaker 1:Same you always forget something and I feel like when God turns me around, he's blocking me from something bad, you know what I mean Like.
Speaker 1:He could have bought me from an accident. Like, literally, it has been times where me and my daughter got held up from getting on the road. We go back and forth at South Carolina a lot because that's where I'm originally from, that's where my family is and everything, and I also have a business out there Beauty Bar called Embellished Beauty Bar, and so it's been moments where I've had to either stop or turn around or just do something and literally we've seen multiple car accidents happen in front of us. In front of us, like, like, we saw it and I'm like that's why God you know what I mean Like God prevented me from, god prevented that from being me Right, that's why he turned me around, that's why I had to stop and do this, that's why I had you know, yeah, so that's how.
Speaker 3:I just Like missing flights and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So my perspective on life is just like I just look at God being around all the time and being yeah, yeah, wow. I be like, yeah, that was God, you know just everything, because we know.
Speaker 3:We know. I'm glad I'm speaking to you right now, Because recently that's how I've been thinking, Like I really had a big transformation, like a big shift, where I'm like Good you know what. I can't really stress the little things because they're beyond my control. They are In God's control. At the end of the day, everything's in His timing, His control and stress is not good.
Speaker 1:Stress can cause diseases. Yeah, you know what I mean. That's what people don't realize. Stress can cause us. Like, imagine, like I said, if I didn't know all of that, when I knew, when I found out, and I would have really stressed, you know, and grieve a certain way, like I wouldn't be here talking to you today. I would not be here, yeah, you know. But yeah, and I just and it's to the point where I don't let anybody stress me out, I don't care who.
Speaker 3:How do you do that? Not even my daughter. It's easier said than done, Like you just.
Speaker 1:Meditate like I meditate, I pray a lot of course, and if I feel like your energy isn't pure, I remove myself, you know. Or if I feel like your energy's just off period, like I'm removing myself from that, I don't, and put yourself in a bubble. Put yourself in a bubble and block that negative.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you create your own atmosphere. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Your own environment. But you can mentally put yourself in a bubble, like mentally sit there and meditate and just kind of create a bubble around you and that way when you go certain places you can block out negative energy and just negative vibes, negative things. I'm gonna try that. Yeah, you made it sound so cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yep. So yeah, I don't let any, I just Like even my. You know, my daughter's a teenager, so at times you know her attitudes and you know going through that teenage stage and I just I'd be like, okay, girl, not go in my room, she going hers, and you know, yeah, give it time, yeah, You'll cool down.
Speaker 1:You'll cool down, you know, I just, I just don't let her or nobody stress me and I'm single, so I don't even have to worry about the whole man stressing me. You know what I mean. I'm single, so I definitely don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I like that you create your own atmosphere wherever you go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you bring that, you bring your own light, bring your light and your energy and you light up that room With your energy, with your tough energy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I need to make a trip to Texas. I've been meaning to go over there.
Speaker 1:No, you gotta come to Georgia.
Speaker 3:I'm in Georgia now You're in Georgia. Now, yeah, oh, your people are from Texas. I wish I was still. No, no, no, I was so.
Speaker 1:I'm from Columbia, south Carolina originally.
Speaker 3:Oh okay, why kept me here in Texas earlier?
Speaker 1:Because that's where me and my mom were living.
Speaker 3:That's where she died in.
Speaker 1:Texas. She passed in Texas. Okay, yeah, so basically, I'm from.
Speaker 3:I need to go to the South period. Yeah, you do so. I'm from South Carolina.
Speaker 2:The first.
Speaker 3:I've been was Virginia. Really, I went to Florida as a kid, though.
Speaker 1:Oh no, you gotta come to South and in Miami once. So I actually went to college, I went to undergrad in Virginia, I went to the Virginia State University, oh, vsu. Oh, my brother wants to be you, you Shout out to you, brother, shout out to VSU and VU. You know VU, yeah, of course Okay.
Speaker 3:He wanted to go to VSU, he did, yeah, he should have, he should have, he should have, he should have. But yeah, he used to go there and party and stuff, of course.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he had the best parties. What year was he there Like?
Speaker 3:2012-ish.
Speaker 1:Okay, I graduated, so I started. My freshman year was 04.
Speaker 3:Yo, you do not look your age.
Speaker 1:You don't think so. No, thank you. Yeah, I'll be 38.
Speaker 3:Cause when you were saying your kids at age. I'm like In.
Speaker 1:April. Oh, I'll be 38 in April, okay, all right, you know what they say 30 great, 30 great, 30 great. But yeah, yeah, I started Virginia State in 04 and I graduated in 2010. I was supposed to finish in 2008, but my daughter got pregnant with my child my junior year, so I moved back to South Carolina for a bit with my parents and I went back to Virginia State to finish, okay, yep. And then from there, I actually had an interview in Dallas like two weeks after I graduated and I moved straight to Dallas after that. So I was in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
Speaker 3:But you just been a southern girl, yeah.
Speaker 1:I can't do it. I can't live here. That's not my.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you just get thrown in and you gotta get that tough energy.
Speaker 1:My mom, and my dad were both born in New York, so my dad was just born here. I think they only stayed til he was like two or three, but he was, so he's from South Carolina. My mom was actually born and partially raised here. She moved to South Carolina, I think in high school or something, so she already had that tough energy. But she was a true New Yorker.
Speaker 3:She already had that she was a true New Yorker Cause. You know, there's a saying like New York, tough Like getting New. York City tough, there's a reason people say that. You gotta have a certain grit about you. Restiveness People walk up to me like and they be like wait, you're really from here, cause like I have like this calmness about you that gives like I'm not from here.
Speaker 3:But then sometimes it kind of gives a down south vibe, but sometimes it just be coming out like. But I think that's like cause of my Jamaican background as well. Like you know like they all like oh, everything gonna be all right, don't worry, stay iry and all of that. So that kind of like. I try to cling to that as much as possible. So now I go crazy here, Cause like it's a lot here.
Speaker 1:I'm sure, yeah, I'm definitely. First of all, I can't do the snow, so that's one reason why I went and moved up.
Speaker 3:You came on a good weekend then, cause you just missed the snow. I know, thank God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're here for fashion week. No, I'm here. I came to see my friend and my godson. Okay, okay, yeah, my godson plays basketball. He's a hooper.
Speaker 3:You know I used to be a hooper back in my days.
Speaker 1:He goes to Amityville High. Okay yeah, Amityville High School. So yeah, I came to see him play a couple of basketball games, Amityville.
Speaker 3:I never heard of that. That's private school.
Speaker 1:No, it's in Long Island. Oh, okay, yeah, out that way, okay, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I gotta see you on the court. Who me? Oh no, you don't got it. No more. Oh no, no, I'm not a hooper.
Speaker 1:No, I said my godson, I thought you said you used to no, no, no, I was a cheerleader.
Speaker 3:Oh, you was a cheerleader.
Speaker 1:No, Okay, my bad, my bad yeah no, I love sports, though I love football.
Speaker 3:I love basketball.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love sports yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to play football in the yard with my brother. But yeah, I was a tomboy growing up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, Same same same. I played soccer. All of that Really.
Speaker 1:I played like four different sports Softball swim. I played softball. Yep, I played softball.
Speaker 3:I hated softball. I hated softball, I played in fourth grade.
Speaker 1:It was way back.
Speaker 3:Were there any specific limitations placed on you because of your heart condition?
Speaker 1:So actually I still have limitations because of my abdominal aortic aneurysm, right, yeah, so I can't, I'm not supposed to lift over a certain amount of pounds. So for a long time they didn't want me to lift over 10 pounds. But I mean, but that was like unrealistic Cause I mean probably, just probably, a case of water is more than 10 pounds. You know what I mean. So that was unrealistic. But I did try to like, when I lift weights, when I work out, was I love weights, I wouldn't go over 10. But last year was it last, the year before last they released me to lift up to 30 pounds. Okay, so now when I work out I can do two 15s, thank God, even though I got.
Speaker 3:That's a blessing, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's like you don't even realize the little things, the little things that I took for granted before. You know cause. I was a weights girl. I was in the army as well. I was in the army reserves for eight and a half years, so, like I, was the pushup queen. But now, ever since my open heart, I can't do pushups. I can do them like on my knees, but I can't do like a full, like pushup without being on my knees. And even on my knees it's tough as well, right?
Speaker 1:I can't do them, but I think between my open heart and my I had a neck fusion surgery two years after my open heart.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:So I think between these two surgeries, like my upper body strength is just not the same. But when I was diagnosed initially, he didn't, they didn't really give me except for, you know, don't stress. You know, because stress can cause any reason, like I said before, to grow and rupture. But no, no real limitations. Back when I was first diagnosed, but like in between my diagnosis and my open heart, I don't remember. And I actually, he actually let me fly. My surgeon gave me permission to fly to Thailand that year for my 30th birthday and he said the only reason why he was letting me fly that far and you know whatever, was because my blood pressure was stable back then.
Speaker 3:But it's like sometimes even those limitations with time, yeah, you're knocking them right up right down yeah that's beautiful. Yeah, wow, any last words you want to tell the people, for people who are just like they, looking for that tough energy, you know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Um stay prayed up, Gotta say prayed up you know, stay prayed up and just and build yourself, you know, spiritually, emotionally and mentally and physically. You know, yeah, Um, and that takes, you know, time with God. You know it may take some therapy, I believe. I personally believe everyone should go to therapy. We've all been through some type of trauma.
Speaker 1:Every last one of us. You know what I mean. I feel like therapy is. I think I feel like it's a necessity, especially to get where you want to go in life and to become more peaceful, you know, and in tune with God and yourself. But, um, yeah, and definitely they get your heart check. You know heart heart, american Heart Health Month is next month, the whole month of February, and get out here and get your heart check for sure. You know. If you're able to get an echocardiogram, please get one. You know, um, like I said, ekg they don't really do much, you know, to kind of focus on like the rhythm of your heart, but I just, I really just feel like I really I hope one day we get to a point where echocardiograms are like a part of our physicals, at least, like every couple of years or something Like that's the goal. But, um, yeah, just make sure, stay grounded, stay grounded, stay focused and don't let nobody mess up your energy, Don't let nobody protect your energy at all costs, protect your energy and find your purpose.
Speaker 1:You know, I became another reason why I became more peaceful. Tough energy is my purpose Because I thought about, I thought of this name right after my open heart surgery. I was like I want to start a brand call Tough energy. I'm just now. I just started it. Last year that was. It took me seven years to finally get to start it. I told him. I remember telling my brother right after my open heart. I was like, hey, I want you to because my brother can draw. I was like, hey, I want you to draw up a nice logo for me. I want to. I want a brand called Tough Energy. But I'm glad I didn't do it back then, because I don't. I didn't know half of what I know now is, as far as a brand, as far as you know, running a business and just where I was mentally I wasn't ready for that. I probably would have started a brand and sold some t-shirts and call it a day. You know what I mean. It wouldn't have been nothing compared.
Speaker 3:It wouldn't have been nothing compared to where it is now, I just want to finish you off with this, since, like the theme has been purposed, yes, how does one find their purpose? Pray about it, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, I pray, I ask God, you, because I know, like I know, tough Energy is definitely a part of my main purpose, for sure, but of course we have multiple purpose, you know. So I still pray about it to this day. I'm like you know, I just ask God to allow me to follow his purpose that he has for me while I'm here on this side, before I transition spiritually. So that's how I feel. And then, and you, but you can't just and that's the thing, you can't just pray to God. You have to listen. You got to listen to the answers he gives you.
Speaker 3:Come on now. Yeah, you got to listen. You need to be at a state of peace so you can hear.
Speaker 1:Yes, so you can hear and quietness. And and you know what I do too I take a lot of solo trips. When I take my solo, I gain so much wisdom, I gain so much clarity. It's just me and God is nobody there. It's no other distractions. I get to do what I want to do on my own time, and that's when I gain a lot of answers from God and that's when I see a lot of signs from my mom, like God, letting me know that she's there with me spiritually.
Speaker 2:But yeah, you have to.
Speaker 1:It's crazy quick story. When I was trying to think of the title for my book, I couldn't think of one. Like I was just like going on and on and on. I'm like I knew I wanted to, you know, to start it with tough energy and then, like a semicolon, and you know the the subtitle. I didn't know what I wanted the subtitle to be and I did one particular day.
Speaker 1:I wasn't feeling good. That morning I got up and I prayed about it. I was like God, you know, please just give me, give me my title, just throw it at me, just put it in my face to where I know that's supposed to be my title. That was that morning. That night I wasn't feeling good. I took some night coil, right, I passed out, went to sleep, went to sleep probably like 12 o'clock. God, I swear to God, y'all. God literally woke me up out of my sleep at 3am. I popped up. Normally when I wake up I'll like turn over real quick. I popped up and God literally said my story, my truth Period, and I got. I got up. That's, that's really how it works. Yeah, I put it in my notes and I went back to sleep.
Speaker 3:Simple like that Simple. The same day Y'all locked in.
Speaker 1:We locked in, that's good. That's, that's, that's big dog.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 1:I call him big guy. We locked in.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we are locked in. There's a lot of gems, a lot of enlightenment happening on this episode. Thank you for joining me, Tiara.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me, and I love your energy, thank you. Thank you, I love your energy too, thank you, and if you listen to the end.
Speaker 3:I appreciate you. Remember to protect your energy at all costs. Yes, okay, and remember to tell a friend a tell a friend that is mind over matter baby.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 3:Yes.