Living in Survival Mode

 Trauma isn't just for the battlefield; it's a universal experience that requires deeper understanding and more comprehensive approaches to mental health. 

In this episode, I share my personal journey of understanding how childhood trauma shapes adult behavior, revealing how old coping mechanisms can persist into adulthood. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Living in Survival Mode
• 12:42 Tracing Trauma's Impact on Reactions
• 19:39 Mind Over Matter

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You could see why living in survival mode can be so detrimental for the creative mind, because our minds are responsible for both our dreams and our nightmares. I do magic, magic, magic.

Speaker 1: 1:21

Welcome to Mind Over Matter baby. Baby, I'm your host, deja Wallace, and if this is your first time joining me, welcome. If this is not your first time joining me, welcome back. Like you really came back to listen to another episode of mind over matter. Baby, I love that for you. I love that for you, I love that for you, uh, and me and us, like this is a beautiful connection right here.

Speaker 1: 1:43

What we got going on, what we got going on, like, so on today's episode, I want to I'm not gonna do too much, too much of the theatrics, you know, because I feel like this is a very important episode, because it's a very important episode. I did my calculations, y'all. I went back. I did my calculations, y'all. I went back. I did my calculations. I was like, let me see how many episodes I really did, because I don't know, the numbers felt a little off, the numbers weren't numbering, and so I was like, let me count how many specific episodes I did. I went all the way back in the catalog. I was like episode one, episode two, episode three, episode four, episode five, all the way up kept counting 99, so this is episode 99, y'all, like I messed up the counting around the 90s. You know it's a lot of work you get. You get kind of you get kind of confused with the numbers. But I'm on episode 99, y'all big 99, I want to show y'all a little different side of me. You know a little professionalism, professional Deja, you know. You know y'all seen the growth four years. I started this when I was 20. I'm 24 now it's going to be four years in November. The grind Shout out to commitment. Like I said, I don't want to do too much chit-chat and politicking because I'm professional Dejanelle and I'm gonna give y'all a little nerdy side of me today, because this is a very interesting topic that has intrigued me a lot recently in my readings and my findings. And on today's episode I'll be talking about living in survival mode. Living in survival mode. So if this is something you're interested in, kick back, relax and enjoy this episode. If this is not something you're interested in, I don't know what to tell you. So on today's episode, I'll be talking about living in survival mode. I'm not no doctor, I don't have my PhD, I'm just a podcaster. So do your own research. Do your own research. That's all I can say.

Speaker 1: 3:56

As many of you know, I created Mind Over Matter as an outlet to just have a safe space to document the journey of self, of just my mindset and how it's developed over time. The best way to know somebody mindset is just having a conversation, and I'm having a conversation. I've seen how I've grown over time and what really brought me to this topic is I am currently reading a book called the Body Keeps Score. Great read, amazing read, especially if you're interested in like the mind and psychology and how trauma affects the mind Essentially great read. And after reading this book well, I haven't finished it, I'm still in the process of reading it. And after reading this book well, I haven't finished it, I'm still in the process of reading it I've just found this newfound desire to learn more, even more, about how our experience affects our perception. The book really does well at explaining that.

Speaker 1: 4:59

And living in survival mode is essentially trauma. And what trauma is? It's an overwhelming experience that deeply disturbs a person and negatively affects how they view themselves and the world around them. And I feel like trauma is the capacity of your vulnerability level, so it's basically the threshold of how vulnerable you can be and a result of that is trauma. So we are all humans, we are all naturally, it's inevitable, we have to be vulnerable as a part of the human experience. So, as a byproduct of that, trauma and just misfortune and tragedy. It's all inevitable, it's all a part of the human experience. That's why I feel like this topic is so, so, super, duper important.

Speaker 1: 6:07

I also wonder why. It's a lot of like questions I had after reading this too, like why isn't there more emphasis on this? Because it literally affects everything about our reality, about our reality. Like we should be having frequent MRI scans on our brains, and the fact that I've never seen a image of my brain is concerning. Like that should be the bare minimum for us. I know these machines are hella expensive and stuff, but I don't have to be dying from cancer to want an MRI scan, you know, and just have it for me, just to see, just to see how my brain looks, because, like I'm with it every day, I just want to see how it looks. You know, if you get me, you get me. It's just some thoughts I had while reading this.

Speaker 1: 6:59

I'm like you know, we really don't know much about the brain and we're we really don't know much about the brain and we're constantly still learning about the brain Every single year, dsm, which is basically the diagnostic manual of what they use in the mental health field to diagnose people with these mental health illnesses. It's like they call it like the mental health manual, and every single year they have a new DSM manual out Like every single year, like it's 2K or something like it's a video game, because they understand that the brain is always developing and there's always new information coming out about the brain like all the time. So they have to constantly update that manual. So they have to constantly update that manual. All of that being said, I feel like you don't have to be a soldier at war to experience trauma.

Speaker 1: 7:55

Obviously, If you've ever been in a car accident, if you ever dealt with some sort of loss, you've experienced trauma. Whether you're aware of it or whether you're not aware of it, you've experienced trauma to some degree. And when the body or when you experience trauma, your body doesn't know if your trauma is worse than this person trauma that's been at war it still receives it as as trauma. Even though on the individualistic level, we don't all deal with trauma in the same ways, we all the body still receives trauma as trauma. It doesn't matter how bad that experience was we still exceeding receiving trauma. Even though there's different types of traumas, like ptsd and like. Like PTSD and like anxiety, we still receive the trauma. And it's crazy because we all have trauma to some degree and it's stored in our bodies, whether we're aware of it or not.

Speaker 1: 9:02

And considering we all go through trauma, I feel like it's very important to see how that trauma affects us on the individualistic level. I think we should be doing that work to see how our traumas are affecting the way we perceive our realities. Being in survival mode is just the body's reaction to trauma and in survival mode our energies are focused on fighting off unseen enemies. You know how tiring that is to constantly conjure up what-if scenarios because of your traumas and always thinking of the worst scenario. It leaves no room for you to just have a carefree, blissful, happy, dainty life, just a soft life. It leaves little to no room for that soft life. It leaves a little to none room, no room for that, and it affects the way we imagine, plan, play, perceive our futures and the way we just even pay attention to our inner and external worlds and, as a result, it alters the way we perceive the world around us.

Speaker 1: 10:17

Obviously and in the book they use the example. You know, you ever watch those movies when they're in therapy and they're like what do you see? And they have like just an image of it. Looked like somebody just slapped paint on the paper and they're like what do you see? So they had a group of people who were veterans at war and they experienced trauma. And those group of people people when they looked at the painting they seen just a bloody massacre. They were like, oh my god, I see my friend had getting shot off, there's some crazy stuff. Like, oh, I see just the most gore, just the most explicit things they were seeing in these paintings. And then there was another group of people that they had a pretty like sheltered life. They didn't really experience much, no types of traumas, severe traumas, and when they looked at the paintings they were just like oh well, we see rosies, we see daisies, we see butterflies, just all happy, dainty, everything, everything's okay.

Speaker 1: 11:20

But that's just like an example analogies, you know, I love my analogies of how trauma actually affects our imagination and you could see by that example why living in survival mode is so dangerous to the creative mind, because our minds are responsible for both our dreams and our nightmares. I'm going to say that again for the people in the back, because I feel like y'all didn't hear me. I'm going to say that one more time for the people in the back. You could see why living in survival mode can be so detrimental for the creative mind, because our minds are responsible for both our dreams and our nightmares. I'll just leave y'all with that to think about. Do a homework on it, do some homework assignment on it, because you gotta really pontificate on that. But I digress. Like I said, I gotta keep it professional today. Let me. Let me get back on topic.

Speaker 1: 12:42

Although we all process traumas different, differently, another interesting thing I learned is that how we react in survival mode is a reflection of how we coped with our first traumatic experience, because we are creatures of habit. And it's funny because when I learned that from reading the book, I ultimately thought about how I react to trauma. Now, when I'm dealing with difficult times, difficult moments, any traumatic experience, first thing I do shut down all the way down. You're not hearing a word from me, I'm just a vessel in myself. It's like I'm not here right now. It's just me and I'm somewhere else. I'm in Mars, not here, shut down all the way down, down, all the way down. And what I've traced that back to is when I was a child baby D, baby Dej I felt like when I did go through whatever hardships I went through as a child, it was often overlooked, belittled, just not acknowledged.

Speaker 1: 14:08

It wasn't empathized with. I wasn't empathized with I hope that makes sense because you know I'm trying to keep it professional I wasn't empathized with. So what I did as a coping mechanism was I just did not express how I felt. I did not express when I was going through hard times and I just shut down. And that is the same way I react now as an adult Shut down, baby D, deja.

Speaker 1: 14:36

Now it's a correlation and, whether you like it or not, whether you shut down, whether you have outbursts, whether you use your wide colorful array of profanity when you get mad or whether you just you're quiet, it traces back to the first time you've dealt with your first traumatic experience. What we thought was fit in our little adolescence minds to deal with that trauma, we adopt it. And that reaction or coping mechanism, we adopt it into our future encounters with trauma, which is crazy. When I learned that, I was like oh wow, that makes so much sense. How do I undo it? I can't tell you that much. I'm not a doctor. Like I said I started that off go seek your own medical advice. Um, I do not have my doctorate in this. I don't have no degree, just just a little one me, just a podcaster. I have my bachelor's, got my bachelor's, yeah, but I'm just a journalist. I'm just a journalist.

Speaker 1: 15:51

If you do take that time out of your busy schedule to really reflect on not being so quick to react, be the observer, not the reactor to what's going on on the outside of you and, most importantly, take accountability of what's going on inside of you, what your inner conditions are looking like, and then I feel like you'll realize, like some you'll have some epiphanies when you really shift to that way of thinking and you realize that oh, my God, god, it was all within me. All these tools are helpful, like therapy is helpful, but in my opinion, from what I've experienced because I I've done a few therapy sessions, still looking for a good therapist, hit me if you are, hit me up if you are but what I realized is that therapy is just the guide, it's the framework that points you to that breakthrough. It was always within you, because some of the most profound breakthroughs I've had was not in the therapy session. Some of the most profound breakthroughs I've had was not in the therapy session. Some of the most profound breakthroughs I had was some of the most profound breakthroughs I had were ignited probably by what the therapist said, but it was outside of that session and it was heightened when I really took action and actually like, took the time to reflect on those thoughts and emotions.

Speaker 1: 17:45

So when you really take the time to reflect on the actions and behaviors, I feel like all these tools are just a guide. They're guiding you. It's not the remedy to the solution. It's more so guiding you to the solution. If you get me, you get me. If you get me, you get me. All the information, all the advice, all the stories you receive, everything is just sitting there. People really aren't even conscious about their day.

Speaker 1: 18:25

They're just thinking they're on autopilot. It's up to you to take what you've learned and feed it. Feed your dreams or feed your nightmares. No, meek Millie, that's what it comes down to really is whether or not you're going to have the commitment, the discipline to keep showing up for yourself and doing that work, doing that shadow work, fighting those demons, you know, and just honing in more on that hero and feeding the hero more than you feed your demons, than the villains. You get me. It's all a mindset thing. If you get me, you get me. It's a mindset thing. If your mindset is not there, where the mindset is not given, it's not going. They just professional.

Speaker 1: 19:24

I did so well, professional, okay, I'm keeping it professional. Um, tell me if you like what you've heard. Um, you've reached the end of another episode. I appreciate you for coming again to listen to me chat, yep, just ah. Thank you for this little therapy session, because this was very good. This was very good for me. It was very therapeutic for me.

Speaker 1: 19:41

I feel lighter. I feel lighter and I hope you've been enlightened by something I said. And if you didn't, that's cool too. And if you reach the end, one thing's for sure, two things for certain you know what you should do already if you reach the end of another episode, like, oh my God, you reached another, the end of another episode, like really, episode big 99. That's big, that's big. That is like, like like a loss for words, that's what it is. I'm lost for words because you really made it to the end of another episode and just remember to tell a friend, to tell a friend, to tell a friend, mother, dog, sister, auntie, cousin, brother, doctor, that is mind over matter, baby period. Thank you, love that for you, love that for us. Beautiful connection, like I said. All right, I'm done. Bye, have a great rest of your day, y'all.