Why I Stopped Hiding My Relationship With God

I talk through why sharing Jesus publicly felt complicated. I didn’t want to be labeled, boxed in, or forced into a “perfect Christian” image that didn’t match my personality. But the more I grew in my walk with God, the more staying silent felt wrong, especially when my blessings have been so public. So I’m telling the full truth, from growing up around church routines to realizing I never had a personal relationship with God for myself.

Then I take you to the Cayman Islands, December 2023, the turning point. After years away from church and deep into new age spirituality, astrology, sage, meditation, and searching for meaning everywhere but God, I felt an undeniable peace I couldn’t explain. Looking back, I know it was the Holy Spirit. That moment also brought conviction about forgiveness, freedom, and the decision to evolve into who God was calling me to be.

I also get real about the backlash: how fast change can make people doubt you, how isolation can push you to hide, and why I’m done trying to please people over pleasing God. If you’ve been curious about reclaiming faith, moving from spiritual trends to a relationship with Jesus Christ, or learning how to be bold without being afraid, this one is for you. Subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review, what part of your own faith journey are you in right now?

Transcript

The Choice To Evolve

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I had to say goodbye to the old deja, and I had to embrace the woman God was calling me to be in that moment. And it was like, you know, those video games where you reach a part where it's like, do you want to continue or do you wanna end game? Like it felt like an ultimatum. Like, do I want to continue living how I was or do I want to evolve? And I chose to evolve. I feel like that was the harder option, honestly. But I feel like it's worth it. It's worth it. Yes, sir, yes, ma'am, yes, sir, yes, ma'am. I'm back with another episode. I'm your host, Deja Wallace. If this is your first time joining me, welcome. If this is not, welcome back. I appreciate you for coming back to listen to another episode of Mind Over Matter, baby. On today's episode, I'm going to speak about not funny. On today's episode, I'm going to be speaking about the goodness of God over my life. And I feel like it's it's taken me so long to speak about this topic because I care what other people think about me. And I know I preach on here, don't give a damn what anybody thinks about you. Don't care what people think about you. But I do be giving a damn sometimes. So yeah, that's why it took me so long to speak about this topic. I thought it wouldn't be cool. I thought people would put me in a box. I thought that speaking about this on my platform would come with unrealistic expectations attached to it. And I was also scared of just that pressure of being held to a higher standard. Which isn't bad, but for a while it felt like it would take away from my personality that I would have to be this preachy, sound, serious, conservative, be restricted to the topics that I speak about on here, and just have to do a whole rebrand because you guys don't know me for speaking about this, and I haven't really spoken about this. Probably here and there I'm like, God is good in the episode. Thank you, God, for that opportunity. But I never really went deeper into it, and I just thought I would just have to come back a whole new person if I spoke about this and changed the whole podcast from mind over matter to God over matter. But what really encouraged me to make this episode is that I've reached a point in my life where I feel like it's unfair and disrespectful to God not to talk about my faith. Out loud in public on this platform is my version out loud. Because God has blessed me out loud and publicly, and hiding my faith, especially now that I know better and have advanced so much in my walk with God. I feel like it's it's hindering me not speaking about God because it's such a big part of my life that I've been hiding from the public, and I feel like I made this podcast as a way to speak life into my days, and speaking about my faith doesn't take away from that. With that being said, on episode 113, I'm going to talk about my journey reclaiming my faith in God, my walk with God in general, just the whole journey from the beginning to now, and I will be also dismantling stigmas that are associated with being a believer in Jesus Christ, because that's who I believe in. I hope that this episode helps you to find peace and knowing that you are not alone in whatever you're going through, and that Jesus Christ is always the option, and that he is the way, the truth, and the light. So, boom. Let's start from the beginning. I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church every Sunday. I did the routine of paying my offerings. Well, not as a kid. Pastors didn't get that bad. That they asking kids for money. But when I was old enough, I started paying my offerings. I started doing the whole routine of the church thing. But I never really I never really experienced God on a personal level for myself. I was just doing that whole routine, the rituals. I just thought because I did these routines, I was good. And that my aunts, who were like real prayer warriors, don't mess with them. When they say they're gonna pray for you, they pray for you. I thought it was enough to cover me as well. I didn't really take it seriously, but I was also a kid, so yeah. Um I was never overly religious. There was just a standard, it was just a standard Christian home. We went to church occasionally on holidays. Well, I had to go every Sunday. Me and my brother was non-negotiable, which was unfair, but we owned the Bible, I had the kitty Bible, and God was always there in the midst. And I didn't really take my faith with God serious. I was a kid. Give me some grace, but it wasn't up until December 2023 when I had my first personal encounter with God. On my trip to the Cayman Islands, I went to go visit my cousin. If you've seen that episode, you already know. Big episode that go look at that. Go look at that. But on that trip, I experienced God in the realest way, a very real way that was undeniable. And I was 23 years old at the time, and I had been in church. I hadn't been in church. Yeah, I hadn't been in church in like eight years. I was heavy into the grand rising. We are gods, rhetoric, and giving credit to any everything but God. I was giving credit to yoga, meditation, sage, astrology, looking at everything but God for deeper meaning and understanding. I was looking to YouTubers, even my ancestors were whatever latest sage just dropped. But on that trip to Cayman, I had an epiphany while on the beach that God is real and simple, but it was just such a profound realization, an undeniable feeling of peace overtook me in that moment. I felt a presence I could not explain. But I know looking back in retrospect, that that was the Holy Spirit when I think back on it. But I didn't know what it was at the time, it was just a feeling. I felt like a newborn baby, like the weight of this world was stripped from me. Like I didn't have to carry just the weight anymore. I could just be it just felt like a release. I realized also in that moment that I was giving credit to all this new age spirituality, like a lot of young 20-year-olds at the time get themselves into instead of giving God the credit, and I also realized that I had to forgive people for hurting me so I could truly be free. And all of that information was just rushing in to me at that moment, and that was my experience, and I knew I would never be the same after that, and I knew that the information that was coming for me wasn't of my own intellect, I knew that it was coming from a higher source, and I knew in that moment as well, I had to say goodbye to the old deja, and I had to embrace the woman God was calling to be and calling me to be in that moment, and it was like you know those video games where you reach a part where it's like, do you want to continue or do you wanna end game? Like it felt like an ultimatum. Like, do I want to continue living how I was or do I want to evolve? And I chose to evolve. I feel like that was the harder option, honestly, but I feel like it's worth it. It's worth it, yeah. It was the hardest thing for me at the time. I'd say goodbye to my old habits, my old ways, even my old ways of thinking, my old friends, and what really made me not speak about my faith so publicly is because of this the response I initially got in that decision. Is what made me start hiding my faith from others. My family, my friends, well, some of them at least, they reacted to me taking my faith seriously by looking at me like I was crazy. Just a few weeks prior, I was pouring up a cup of 1942 Don Julio Repersado. So I don't blame them. Everything just happened so fast, and then I just became this whole new person after one trip, just a few weeks, just about a few days later, even I came back baptized, talking about how I want to go to church on Sunday to worship God. It just happened so fast, so drastically. So I understand. Give them grace. Why my peers and even some of my family members just couldn't understand me at the time. So I did feel isolated, I did feel like I had to be more quiet about my faith because of it. Because I started to feel like, man, am I crazy? I started questioning myself, but what I realize now is if it makes sense to me, I don't have to convince others that I really found God. That's between me and God. And that doesn't mean to move in silence and not speak about my faith when it comes to my belief in God. What it does mean is being bold in my faith and no longer moving in fear because God didn't give us a spirit of fear. Moving in fear of what others think of me, being a believer in Jesus Christ. Because I am not here to please man, I am here to please God. Point blank Harry. And that's the motto for 2026. I'm no longer trying to please others or make other people feel comfortable with my beliefs. And if you feel offended or disturbed by that, by me walking in faith, if your demons are demoning and disturbed by that, that is not my problem. Take it up with your therapist, not me. Anywho, I know I was once like that. So I understand. Before I proclaimed my identity in Christ, there was a lot of resistance when it came to encountering a believer who spoke about Jesus Christ so confidently, and I always we always contest them with these just worldly systems and intellect and what the Bible was written by and all of that stuff. That distracted me from gaining the abundance that comes with seeking the kingdom of God and building a relationship with God for yourself. And those distractions did come from me trying to replace God with this new age spirituality and trying to put that in the place of God, but now that I know better, I do better. And I really do hope this episode reinforces something in you, reinforces whatever you believe in. I believe in Yahweh, but whatever you believe in, I hope it reinforces the beauty and power that comes with being bold in your faith and realizing you don't have to do this life alone. If you reached the end of this episode, I appreciate you. Shout out to you, big up yourself. And remember to tell a friend, to tell a friend, mom, auntie, sister, dog, that is mine over matter, baby. You get me.