Timeless Talk
Artistic Creative Director & Host AJ brings onboard Co-Host's Fur1ous & Julya in the Reboot of the Multi Topic “Conversation that Never Ends” ♾⏰⚡️
Timeless Talk
🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♀️⚡️Beyond Trauma: A Raw Conversation about Love & Baggage
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What happens when past trauma collides with present relationships? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, we journey through the complex terrain of emotional availability, betrayal, and healing with our Special Guest Julia (@Jul_to_the_yah), who brings a refreshingly honest perspective to the table.
Julia shares her experience working with special needs students, revealing how this challenging work has given her unique insights into patience & human connection. The discussion takes a vulnerable turn as she opens up about childhood trauma that literally rewired her brain, affecting her memory and relationship patterns. It's a powerful reminder that our earliest experiences shape not just our psychology, but our neurology as well.
The conversation weaves through provocative territory – the double standards in dating, why some find it difficult to remain faithful, & the protective mechanism of emotional detachment. "Cheating has everything to do with the other person and nothing to do with you," Julia states in what becomes one of the episode's most standout moments. This perspective liberates those who've shouldered blame for their partner's betrayals.
We explore the delicate balance between vulnerability & self-protection, particularly after heartbreak. Julia's candid accounts of navigating the dating world after years of being single reveal universal truths about trust, intuition, and healing. Her experience dating both younger & significantly older men challenges assumptions about emotional maturity and age.
Whether you're currently healing from relationship trauma, trying to understand your patterns, or simply looking to develop healthier connections, this conversation offers transformative insights about accountability, communication, & the courage to face yourself. As Julia directly reminds us in the closing moments: "Know your worth. If you feel something is off in a relationship, 100% of the time your intuition is right."
• Exposure to trauma in childhood can physically affect brain development & impact adult relationship patterns
• Detachment can be both a protective mechanism & a barrier to meaningful connection
• The concept of agency in relationships differs between men & women, creating different standards & expectations
• True intimacy requires honest & sometimes uncomfortable communication about needs & boundaries
• Recovery from betrayal demands recognizing that cheating reflects the cheater's issues, not a deficiency in the betrayed partner
• Emotional maturity has no correlation with age - both younger & older partners can struggle with vulnerability
• Taking accountability for our actions & patterns is essential for growth in relationships
• Intuition almost always signals when something is wrong in a relationship - trust your gut feeling
*Intro Beat Credit: Leo Legendary*
*Outro Beat Credit: Young Frenchy 808*
Introductions and Setting the Stage
Speaker 2Welcome back to the conversation that never ends this. This is Timeless Talk. I am your show. I am your show host. He's fucked up. Now I'm going to leave this shit in, bro. Now you're fucked up. I am your.
Speaker 1I am the show.
Speaker 2Congratulations. You played yourself. I definitely did Get the fuck off the table Ever. Get off what is going on. I'm going to leave all this in, bro Get down, damn it.
Speaker 3Hey, get out of here.
Speaker 2Oh shit bro. Hey, man, you can't write this shit bro. Oh shit, all right guys. Welcome back to the conversation that never ends. This is Timeless Talk. I am your host, aj. To my far left we have Furious. Of course, he's going to bring out the guns and our guest here is going to join him. Yeah, load them and put them away. You know what I'm saying? Dropping shells on them. Dropping shells, all right guys. Well, over here, directly to my left in the middle, we have Julia. We have our guest of the show today.
Speaker 3Thank you for being here with us today.
Speaker 2Juliaia, it takes a lot to come on camera, especially for having me no for sure and give me your flowers. No re-dos here. All right, guys, so it's a charm. Yes, we're back on timeless talk, guys. Um, today is going to be interesting episode. It's going to be about a topic that we've talked about in the past. Obviously, the seating arrangement is a little different so that we can have our guests in the middle. Look at both of us a little bit easier.
Speaker 2Today's basically going to be about relationships. So, for those of you out there with toxic relationships, happy relationships, hard relationships, relationships, you shouldn't be in relationships. I guess it's a little bit of something for everybody. I mean, I feel like, you know, everything is relatable to a degree, right, everybody's different. Um, I'm sure we're gonna cover things here that haven't been said before, because everybody's relationship is different, even though they're the same, if that makes sense, I feel like it does, because every individual is different, right, but we have similar fucking things that happen in those relationships that make it relatable, right? Would you guys agree? Yes, all, yes, all right. So before we get into that, I'm going to ask Julia here to say a little bit about herself.
Speaker 2Just, you know, quick and easy, nothing too crazy Just you know a little bit about yourself to the listeners and viewers out there that you're willing to share with them.
Speaker 3Yeah, for sure. So I'm a slave to the corporate world. You know, I'm still figuring it out. Yeah, and I'm a Libra, best sign out there. No, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2And she's single Guys. Good guys, single woman right here To my left, yeah, let's not Advertise that.
Speaker 3I'm sorry.
Speaker 2Come on.
Speaker 3Happily single. Happily single.
Speaker 2So she, that means that If she's happily single guys, that means that she's single and not looking. Then Exactly. All right.
Speaker 3Um, but no, it's, it's cool.
Speaker 1So, like you're, you're still open, but you're not looking.
Speaker 3Uh, he's going to have to be somebody very special, for sure, and I don't know what that means, still figuring it out, but anyways, but anyways. So, yeah, I don't know, I work at a high school with kids that have you know, they're not all there Disabled, like disabled, you know. Yeah, and it's rewarding, though Of course they have you know special. You know a lot of them have Down syndrome, a lot of them just had a really rough upbringing and it's a tough job.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3But I do enjoy it and, like I was, you know, telling you guys before you know, the camera started rolling. Yeah. I have all these scars to show you know, you know, like, but they don't know what they're doing.
Speaker 2So, yeah, just it's a normal person hey, we applaud you for that too, because that's not easy. That's not an easy thing to uh, you know, to take on. Like you know, me personally, I, I I deal with disabled individuals as well, my, my line of work, and it's not with low functioning, it's with high functioning, so it's very different. You know what I mean. So I applaud you, especially because I know how hard that could probably be. So they all wear diapers, like you noted before.
Speaker 3Yeah, they all wear diapers. Three of them need to be hand fed.
Speaker 2Tedious.
Speaker 3Yeah, it could get tedious, but it also is. You know, you see the beauty in it too, because they are. They do know what's going around yeah, they do know what's they are aware of the world. They're aware of what you say and your energy and all these kind of things, because, um, you can tell when I'm sorry, but there's people that don't have patience for these kind of kids, and that's okay.
Speaker 3That's perfectly fine Because, like I was telling you guys earlier, you do have to have a maternal instinct and you do have to have a lot of patience for kids like this, because they're not easy and they are. It is hard and I can tell when the parents sometimes bring them in that they do need a break. It is hard and I can tell, when the parents sometimes bring them in, that they do need a break, so that mother's break or that father's break is on us, and then we have to care for their children at that time.
Speaker 3So it's like I do take that as a. I do feel like that's precious. Those parents are entrusting us to take care of their very difficult children for four hours, five hours, eight hours, whatever it is that it is. You know, some of them go home early, some of them stay all of the school time. So it's just like I do take that into consideration and I do.
Speaker 3I said okay, if I was a mother or a father or a parent in general and I'm dropping off my kid that I know gives me a hard time at home into strangers, that would take a lot for me. I would be scared, I would be worried constantly. I would just be praying, I'd just be like I don't know, are they going to be okay? So in a way, when I go home, I do feel fulfilled because I'm like okay, I did something that a lot of people can't do out there. I have patients that a lot of people don't have patients for. So it's tough, but it's also rewarding and it gives you a sense of purpose. And I don't know, I can't go on living in this life if I don't feel like I have a purpose.
Speaker 1I really can't.
Speaker 3This world gets too monotonous sometimes, you know, or mundane, or melancholy, whatever you want to call it. So when I do go to work, you don't know what day you're going to walk into. You don't know what these kids' attitudes are going to be. You don't know if they're going to be happy, sassy, angry, sad.
Speaker 3So you just got to be very fluid with your ability to adapt yes you have to adapt to these kids, because when they have a bad day, they have a bad day. It's a bad day for you when they have a bad day, but then when they have a good day, it's just like you're smiling and you're laughing with them and then you're joking around with them and it just, it's just. I, I love my job, but I also hate it sometimes. But I, I mean, that's with anything, right yeah, that's any kind of job, most jobs.
Speaker 3Yeah, it's the nature of the beast, basically exactly yeah exactly, and it's just up to you how you handle it, how you perceive it and how you go at it of course, absolutely.
Speaker 2No. No good, I appreciate that I forgot we did an intro. I just started talking no, it's all good we're here, we're with you, we're good. You know what I'm saying? It's all right, we're good, we're here. That windows yeah, that's a startup sound because we're starting up.
Speaker 1If you know that sound, that means that you're old, basically, yeah in fact baby 94 100, you know, she knew what it was you were born during the during the earthquakes.
Julia's Work With Special Needs Students
Speaker 3Yes, I was so little they had to wake me up and they were like oh, there's an earthquake. I was like, huh, I was such a deep sleeper as a kid, I didn't even feel it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I woke up during that.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, he said, I woke up During that one too.
Speaker 3Wait, how old were you During that earthquake?
Speaker 1That one I was. I think I was like Four.
Speaker 3Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1What year was?
Speaker 3this Ninety four. Ninety four, two years old. Oh no, I'm thinking about the other earthquake there was another one that was bad.
Speaker 1I remember that one too.
Speaker 2That freeway on the 14th broke and they named it after the cop that drove off of it. Oh, I don't know about that one.
Speaker 3That one I think I was like it must have been like one, so it wasn't that one it was another one, so an older one.
Speaker 2Then yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, anyway, all right guys. So we're going to jump right into it. So, relationships Currently, who's in a relationship here at the table? Who's single? I think I'm the only one that's not single, right? Is it you two that are single right now?
Speaker 3Okay, I guess I don't know. Now I know, now you know.
Speaker 2Our guest here didn't know that Furious over there is also single, you know.
Speaker 3but anyway, uh, she's loaded no it's cool, it's very corny?
Speaker 2no, you're not. It's awesome, but we need, we need animation in the show man. We need, we need animated people. It's good, um, but yeah, so, as single people, right, because obviously we'll get into relationships in a second. You were obviously in a relationship at some point, right, would you recollect, was one of your best examples of a relationship that you had that you were, you were actually happy in and didn't end necessarily bad, or did you not have that many relationships?
Speaker 2I haven't had one of those where it was like happy, and then it ended happily, like we both moved on well, I guess what I meant by ended happily because it doesn't end happily that way, but ended mutually, where you guys were just like you know what. We're on the same page, it didn't, you know. It was cool, it was fun for a while, but then we just decided to go our separate ways no, never, never had one of those.
Speaker 3They always ended up um well, I've only ever had two like serious relationships and they both ended up bad, bad yeah, like it was like either it was a ghost or it was. Um, I have to walk away from my own mental health and because I know that I'm worth better than this, I'm worth more than this and I deserve better. So, yeah, uh, unfortunately, yeah it it was. You know, breakups are tough, regardless of whether they end good or bad or mutually. I mean, they always suck, they always really always suck Really.
Speaker 3They always really do suck, but unfortunately mine have been pretty bad.
Speaker 2Dang, I'm sorry to hear that.
Speaker 3No, it's okay, it happens. It does I mean, you grow from it.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3You for sure, grow and you learn and you evolve as a person, and you evolve as a person. And then you start realizing that your baggage, you need to figure your shit out before you get into a relationship.
Speaker 2That's big facts right there. Hell yeah, I can second that.
Speaker 3Yeah, the baggage that you bring in to that relationship is just it's, it's baggage.
Speaker 1It's baggage.
Speaker 3It's baggage. And if you both have baggage, if you both have emotional ignorance and you're emotional like you don't know how to talk, you don't know how to communicate it. Just it's going to be bad regardless. So I learned a lot from that and I wouldn't take anything back. I wouldn't take anything back, I wouldn't redo anything. I would. I would still if I, if somebody was like, hey, um, would you redo this? Would you? And no, because it's made me grow as a person.
Speaker 2That's good You're able to take it for what it was learning lesson yeah.
Speaker 3I took it for what it was and take. I've taken those relationships for what they are and it has made me grown as a person. Right, um, yeah, so I wouldn't take anything back I mean all right even the heartbreaks and the love and all of the in-betweens. I would redo all of it because I wouldn't be here that's fair.
Speaker 2All right, I appreciate that. That tidbit that makes a lot of sense and can I pour? Myself some more champagne of course you can absolutely. You gotta ask for that girl. Here you, here you go. Thank you, welcome. You got it, yeah, all right. What about you, though, furious? What about you? Have you ever had? Can you recollect a time?
Speaker 1With like a bad breakup.
Speaker 2No, not a bad one, we'll get to that.
Speaker 1But I'm saying like, would you at least be talking cordially. Six inches, no, I mean no like no, like we, you know we ended very uh, you know, amicably. I've had plenty of those where it's like we ended on on a good note, just okay it just wasn't the, I guess. Uh, they might have just either them or me.
Speaker 1You know, we just wanted to move on you know, maybe it just wasn't the time for a relationship at that time. You know what I mean. Yeah, I know. Like when I started like dating, I was dating older women first. Yeah, it was a different dynamic, you know for sure.
Speaker 2It's a lot different. It is different, no for sure yeah, dynamic, you know for sure.
Speaker 1That's a lot different. It is different, no, for sure. Yeah, but I mean most of my relationships have ended, you know, very like amicably it's been.
Speaker 3That's good, that's really good. That means you're like a health, like emotionally, um, yeah sure, yeah.
Speaker 1So I mean yeah, and emotionally stable, bro, and emotionally stable, yeah, I mean so it's not like I mean I'm not perfect, you know what I'm saying, so but like the reason why they would end like it wasn't for some like petty shit. You know what I'm saying it was either. I mean I mean, of course, because a lot of them were like older women, so they're probably on a different journey. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3Already.
Speaker 1So I mean too much offense to it. It was just all my okay, like it's just. Obviously I can see there's some type of discrepancy, but you know, if you're not for somebody, you're not person.
Speaker 2That's good bro and that's maturity too, though also that's a sign of maturity, that's a huge understanding that, hey, you know what?
Speaker 3it's all right, sorry, I don't want to take over the questions, but I'm curious would you say you are an emotionally available person, or is that something?
Speaker 1no, I'm no, no, yeah, definitely, I'm definitely like when they, when it's time for like to express that like vulnerability and be vulnerable, no, I, hell, yeah, I. I actually appreciate that, I actually look for that, but it's just that you can't do that with everybody.
Speaker 3Are you quick to cut somebody off?
Speaker 1no, but I'm good at it.
Speaker 2I'm good at it, so we need to and he needs to.
Speaker 1So I'm not going to cut someone off reactively. I'm not a reactor where I'm like, oh, cut off.
Speaker 3You think about it, you dwell in it.
Speaker 1Yes, I got very good patience. I'll wait. I'll make sure I got all my ducks in a row, but my cut off game is good.
Speaker 2I don't play no games. I know that's good bro, Would you?
Speaker 3say that that's like did you have to learn that, or were you always like that?
Speaker 1It's learned I would think just because you know through experience, like you know from infancy, you know toddler, adolescence, all that stuff you're dealing with attachment to people, your parents, your siblings, you know what I'm saying. Your like friends. You know what I'm saying. So you have many breakups throughout your life already. You know you have like your friends, you might have a cousin like you, you know what I'm saying. You might have an argument that you have with somebody, a family member, whatever, and you guys have like a falling out stages to where, at some point, I know when definitely when I, when I was, like you know, an adolescent, where I just kind of just um, I came to the idea where, like you know what, if, if it's not working, just don't, don't associate. You know what I'm saying. And of course, that grew with time as well, because there's a certain level of association with people too.
The Double Standard in Dating
Speaker 3You know, yeah, because it's like so you grew up faster than others. Some could probably say that Because people don't start learning about heartbreak until I mean, yeah, you learn it for sure early on, but you don't really start grasping and understanding it and being able to detach until way later, yeah Me.
Speaker 1I learned detachment early and that and now maybe that's I'm sorry. Yeah, definitely because of like the why of the?
Speaker 3well, because it could be a good thing and it could also be a bad thing. Detachment, because you could be really, really detached and really perfect it, which is like kind of a trauma response right, right, but also it's like a normal thing. It's like a normal thing so it could be like a bad thing because you don't have functional relationships and you don't have like it's like a person is vulnerable to you.
Speaker 3You're like, oh fuck, you like you know right but also it could be a really good thing, because you do know your worth and you do know I don't want to put up with this, I don't want to think about this, I don't want to put up with this, I don't want to think about this. I don't want to deal with this. Bye, yeah. So it's like. It's like a. It could be a double edged sword with detachment, and I'm starting to realize that now with therapy, of course.
Speaker 1What it taught me is that you know you have to really okay, when you're going to be vulnerable with somebody, there's always a risk, always a risk. Right, you're going to be vulnerable to somebody, so it doesn't matter who it is, there's a risk of being vulnerable. You're sharing stuff about yourself. It's more intimate, right. So at the same time, because you're vulnerable, there's a certain respect that comes with that right Sharing your vulnerability with somebody or whatever. And when that's breached or whatever, you kind of feel like you have to, you know, like withdraw. You have to be less vulnerable. Now you know what.
Speaker 1I'm saying so I think, going through that process like you, you see, like you're not going to build a connection by not giving. You know what I'm saying. So you have to, you always, always have to be open to that, but you have to. You have to keep in mind that it's not just going to, it's not going to work out anything by being vulnerable. You have to be cool with being vulnerable, you know. So it it it taught me that.
Speaker 1Because detachment, yes, you can use that as a way to run away. You know I'm saying, okay, like I just don't fuck with people or whatever, or I'm just, you know, I'm good at just not being attached. You know I'm saying I mean it's not about being attached, it's about being connected. You know I'm saying I mean it's not about being attached, it's about being connected. You know what I'm saying. And detachment can get in the way of that, you know. So I know, like you know, if I'm with you know a woman and I and that connection is there, I want to nurture that. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Obviously, if something comes in that that can disrupt that, or there's evidence that it's like OK, like this connection isn't, as you know, like what I thought. Then I can take action, you know what I'm saying. But I shouldn't, I can't the way I think now I can't take that away from somebody that I'm involved with to not give them that you know what I'm saying Until I know everything. You know what I'm saying. So it kind of helped me build like maturity, because I did have a period of time where I was just like I'm just detached, you Like I'm just detached, you know what I'm saying, like I'm just so good at just not engaging, not like engaging but not really being in it, you know.
Speaker 3It's funny you say that because that's how I know I'm not ready to date. Yeah, because I no, I don't care. Yeah, like I care about you as a person. You know, obviously I'm not going to hurt you or lead you on and stuff like that. But I don't have that maturity yet to realize that my detachment is. I don't think my detachment is healthy right now. I think if I were to meet somebody right now and we clicked and everything like that, I would be afraid to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1It's a trauma.
Speaker 3Yeah, from the trauma that I've experienced, I would be afraid to open up and when you're really trying to seek an actual, an actual long-term relationship, you can't be afraid of that.
Speaker 1You have to be able to put yourself out there, and I'm not ready for that yeah, because, like like how you're saying, it takes a toll out of you too.
Speaker 1You know, I'm saying, especially if you have you know however many years too, and then you have you know, within those years are memories, there are events. You know there's things, Especially if you have you know however many years too, and then you have you know, within those years are memories, there's are events. You know, there's things that you guys have done, you know together. There's things that you've built together. You know, and when that's all, when it all you know like goes away or whatever, of course, like your sense of security is shattered, you know it's like and then like, and not only that, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1You got people that are people, are going to find you attractive. You know what I'm saying. So you got people still, like you know like coming up to you, like hey, like, oh, like, how are you doing?
Speaker 3Blah, blah, blah, and you can see my friends some of my friends do understand that, but others don't. They're just like just Julia, it's okay.
Speaker 2Like you're single, You're young, Like go out, Go have fun, and I'm like for what I was about to say I'm going to ask this because, like you know, I'm glad you said that, because at least my next question Define fun, right, Because you know what I'm going with this, fun is a perspective. Thank you, and the reason why I say that is because, okay, a lot of people's fun.
Speaker 3Is different.
Speaker 2And I say that because if you're a good, respectable girl, fun might be going to a concert or one of your friends.
Speaker 1Amusement park maybe.
Speaker 3Amusement parks, exactly.
Speaker 2Exactly Something like that or going to a concert, going to a theme park, like you said, or just going out to have a dinner with friends or whatever, and going back home.
Speaker 1But this generation.
Speaker 2This generation, a lot of the women think like guys.
Speaker 1All fun is is cheese and sausage. You see where I'm going with this. That's it.
Speaker 2Bro, you just said it Exactly and a lot of them go they do that and they trick out on it.
Speaker 3And then they're the same for men too, I know. I know that it can be for a man it could be hiking or it could be going out and fucking random bitches, or it could be spending time with family, or it could be being by yourself. It's a lot of the times it's the same role, it's? No, it is julia.
Speaker 2I'm gonna be honest with you, though, but a lot of the guys that don't because of because of the quote-unquote double standard that exists a lot of the guys do all three of those things you just said, or all four of those things you just said. That's the reality of it, right? I'm just going to be honest, and you know what I'm not saying. It's right, but it gets looked at differently because men don't get viewed the same way as women do right.
Speaker 3But there's a reason for that.
Speaker 1There is. There is a reason for that.
Speaker 2Say it right now most of the time it's harder for a man believe it, or not even even attractive ones to get laid than it is for women. Women are the gatekeepers, yes, and women.
Speaker 3At the end of the day, you guys make the decision right so out there and look for it, and then we could just literally sit here and just be like whoever you want.
Speaker 2Let's be honest if you really wanted to, you could have somebody tonight, if you wanted to not saying you're gonna do that, no, no, I get you you see what I'm saying though it's very true yes, most women.
Speaker 2It's not gonna be hard to find somebody that wants to do that, you know. So for men it's not so much the case. So that's why and I feel like, for that strict, real, real reason right there, hardcore reason is why women are held at a higher standard, because you guys are more like flowers. You guys are the gatekeepers. You decide who you open your legs to, who you don't open your legs to. Man. That's not the case.
Speaker 2We can't just I'm gonna get laid tonight, bro, because I feel like it doesn't work yes, I was about to say that come on now that's the outliers you're talking about the actors or the yeah, unless you're that guy exactly. That's the only way that can happen, because otherwise and even then those men might not, unless you're at that mega status Like you. Check every box Bro.
Speaker 1Not one box unchecked Exactly. You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2The men that just have that kind of sauce, bro, where they just walk outside and look at a female like you down, yeah, my man, yeah, you are down. I know you are. Come to my address at this. They could do that shit Now. The average guy can't do that. So that's why, and that's 100% why, I feel like it's more respectable for a woman to hold off and not be like that. Go have fun in a different way. You don't need to go out there and then by the time they get to you and you're talking to her, you really like her. You find out. Oh, by the way, I had a whole face. What does that mean? You're like? Oh, I liked her so much until this information came out that.
Speaker 2You know that it's just. It sucks, because then the hypocrisy comes in, right. What about the guy that's saying that? But it's not. He slept with 30 women before her, but it's not the same right. And the reason why I'm saying is because.
Speaker 1So just to add to what like to what you're saying, what aj, what AJ is speaking on, is basically agency. So women have the agency when it comes to sex or anything that comes to that. So it's like how he was saying it comes to you, you guys can just sit there and there will be 10 guys you first, you next, you next, you next, you next. You know what I'm saying? Or?
Speaker 2you not at all. Yeah, the women are already making that decision. It'll happen in that order, usually right, absolutely you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1Like let's keep out raping and all that stuff, right? So it'll happen in that order. So it's like it's more distasteful to see that a woman has been just all willy-nilly with her just because you can, you know what.
Speaker 2You're cute enough. You're cute enough, fuck it. You're cute enough, fuck it.
Speaker 1You're cute enough and they couldn't do that there are women that do that shit, bro. But that's why it's frowned upon, because it's like you, it's not like you're having to go out there Like the reason why men and I'm not saying it's right- right. It okay. Let's say I'm listening, let's take, let's take, no, it's, it's a perspective thing, it's female on male and it's like, like I.
Speaker 1I love to hear both versions of course, like, let's take, okay, like in the church, right, the church has agency for the belief, right? Yeah, like, okay, this is where you come to find god, whatever, right, the person, the, the patron, they're going there, they're at the mercy of the, of whoever's at the pulpit you know what I'm saying Whoever's preaching that word, it's like they come, this person serves. So if the church is serving bad message or whatever like that, and the people I mean, obviously there's certain levels of ignorance certain levels of ignorance.
Speaker 1But if, if they're buying it, who's really? Who's the person that who has the agency to make like who's more at an advantage of gaining something off of whatever?
Speaker 1no, the church gains more yeah, the people yeah yeah, so, so, so, like, let's say like, like, like. The church will be like oh, we need, uh, twenty dollars, or let's say a hundred bucks from each, from each member, for whatever right they got the agency. They, they set the price, they set the tone. The members are just like oh, okay, like, what do I gotta do? Yes, that's the agency that's true saying so.
Speaker 1That's why, like when you see them doing bad stuff, it's like no, you're the, it's not the congregation that that that's at fault, it's the, it's the church, like you have the power to decide what goes where that's true. That's why it's frowned upon.
Speaker 2It doesn't make it right no, but that's just the way it is. No, I agree, that's what it is. Yeah, you understand that, right, it's like how we were created.
Speaker 3yeah, um, regardless of whether you're agnostic, religious Buddhist, whatever, or you know not shunning on anybody, but at the end of the day, you have to go back to biology.
Speaker 2Yep.
Speaker 3Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2And that's why I want to say this to a lot of women, and I've met women, plenty of women that have been like, oh, I don't care, it's not fair. So then I followed up with then what do you want to do then? Are you telling me you want to bang half the city? Is that what you're telling me?
Speaker 3You want to be able to go out there and open your legs and have a good time and that it's okay. Yeah, Well, okay look.
Speaker 2That's my question. There's a lot of risk too, exactly, hell, yeah, there is, bro. This is what I'm going to say.
Speaker 3That because you don't know how hurt they were to get to that point you don't give a fuck anymore. Yeah, because there are human beings out there that will fuck you over so bad that, in order for you to feel like you're living life, you want to go do that kind of stuff. And that's fine as long as it's consensual, as long as you're being safe, because, at the end of the day, well, I'm not living your life, I'm not in your shoes, I don't know what you're going through. I, at the end of the day, well, I'm not living your life, I'm not in your shoes. I don't know what you're going through, I don't know what you feel. I don't know what you're lacking. I don't know the emotional. Maybe, maybe I don't know maybe you're not being loved and then it's perceived as love.
Speaker 3We don't like hurt people, hurt people and that sucks, but it's the truth I'm not gonna I'm not saying, hey, it's good to go hurt somebody because you're hurt. No, you understand self-evaluate yep, go to therapy. Go to church, seek jesus, go do meditation. I don't know paint, I don't know um go walk. Go walk on the park, I don't know Do something that makes you be able to be by yourself and think and reflect about the type of person that you want to be.
Speaker 1You know what I think it is.
Speaker 3It's good advice, by the way.
Speaker 1Julia. Oh yeah, that is very good. That's how it should be. That's a healthier way. Hell yeah, that's a great outlet To address the issue of not being or not feeling validated, right, but I think because, when it comes to intimate relationships between people, right, because it's a person, a flesh and blood breathing person the person has to go to the next person In their head. If someone else wants me, I'm validated.
Speaker 2If this person wants me.
Speaker 1This person looks good this person of this status wants. They at least want to do this and this to me, and the thing about it too, is the reason why it's sex is because sex is the is the freest drug on the on the planet, right not necessarily, not necessarily.
Speaker 3They act like it's free because it's actually hard to get if you can't get it right yeah, but it's like you feel good, it takes you out of whatever it is that you're feeling and you're right there, and then you get um, you get a relief, yeah it's the best natural drug right you know what I'm saying there really are no drawbacks to it, right, besides, like you know, the negative toxicity that comes with it, right, but there's really nothing um bad about it.
Speaker 1So I think, when it comes to that and like validation, like it's, those two like in in combination, it's just the recipe for disaster. People are going to go off off the deep end, like we see it with people with with meth coke. That's just, that's on the small scale. You know saying that's a substance. If that was a person, that's, that's what it would be, in my opinion.
Speaker 3Sex can be a substance. Yeah, saying that's a substance, if that was a person, that's what it would be.
Speaker 2But in my opinion, sex can be a substance, yeah Well, yeah, companionship can be a substance. You could be addicted to that too.
Speaker 3Yeah, because you didn't and also that's a trauma response you didn't get it as a child, you didn't get it young, you're seeking it.
Speaker 1So now you're seeking it approval and it's, but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3Going to therapy seeking jesus, seeking a higher power, that's when that helps. Purpose helps and for a long time, I'll be honest with you guys I didn't know what the heck my purpose was, because who really does know?
Speaker 3yeah, we're walking this life, we're figuring it out we're just trying to get day by day, paying bills, going to work, dealing with family, regardless of whether you were born in a healthy family or a toxic family, or we're trying to figure it out. So at the end of the day, you forget, like, okay, this is my life, like am I going to be okay, am I going to persevere? And then I mean I'll be honest with you. My therapist hit me with a hard hitting question. That shouldn't be, but it is. He was like what's the life long goal?
Speaker 2Julia, and I was like huh, that's a real question, though I was like what you never asked yourself, that I never thought about that. I was like huh, what's the long game? And it makes you feel so stupid, because that's the truth. You didn't think about it enough.
Speaker 3What is the life worth living? And I'm like huh.
Speaker 1What do you want in the end? What do?
Speaker 2you mean.
Speaker 3He was like no, julia, what is all this hard work going to be for at the end of the day?
Speaker 2And I was like damn, I didn't think about it, I was like damn, yeah, she was amazing.
Speaker 1I was like how many people don't ask themselves?
Speaker 3that exactly.
Speaker 3But you're looking at right now yes, but that's why I think like, when people think about therapy or or psychologists or psychiatrists, they think about it a very negatively kind of form, because, I don't know, maybe the film industry has depicted it as medicaid, medicaid, medicaid, medicaid and that's not the fact, because sometimes we have um like a brain chemical imbalance. That that's the the truth of it all. Sometimes we don't know. Um, like I learned, I'm going to be very vulnerable right now. I learned that, um, my frontal lobe didn't develop fully because of the trauma that I dealt with as a child, so my frontal lobe actually shrunk so therefore, I have a very bad memory wow, is it like short term or like it's?
Speaker 3it's long-term memory. It's like it, for example um, I went to go celebrate my best friend's um. She, she graduated with her master's, okay, and we, she rented a party bus and she told me this we, we went to go celebrate and to me, when I remembered it, it was her birthday. It was her birthday wait, that doesn't sound so I knew we were celebrating her master's degree but you can still recollect old things and I remember being there.
Speaker 3Yeah, you could still remember things you still, you remember your childhood, you remember certain things, but it's it's like okay, let's say, I had a, a conversation. Okay, ashley, for example, your sister. I had a conversation with her and I said my next set of nails I know this is so stupid, but we're we're girls okay, yeah, my next set of nails are going to be strawberry nails. I don't remember having that conversation with her and I wasn.
Speaker 3She clearly remembers it. She's like Julia, you told me, and I was like, oh what? We weren't drinking, we weren't drunk, we were literally just hanging out. But it's like my memory is shit, like I forget everything. I forget a lot of things and it sucks because I've been made fun of, like Julia, you're dumb, like oh my God, what the fuck? We just talked about this, we did this and I'm like we did like and I'm just like I don't know, and it comes. It perceives me as being slow, it perceives me as being dumb, it perceives me as being, um, ignorant. But it's with therapy that my memory is shit because of the shit that I went through as a child, and a lot of people don't know this.
Speaker 2If you don't mind me asking, what was the trauma that took place as a child that caused it oh. God we won't get into too many crazy details. That's off topic.
Speaker 3This is going to be a four-hour podcast.
Speaker 2It'll have four hours Well okay, okay.
Speaker 3I'll sum it up to just one event, because it you know and I'm not trying to make anybody feel sorry for me it's what we go through as people, as as kids, as family. Sometimes we're born into a really, really good family and sometimes we're not, and sometimes we get dealt with shit hands of cards and that's okay, as long as you come out of the other side of it, it's good of course but, um, my mom tried killing herself at a really young age and I didn't know, I thought she was just sick.
Speaker 3Um, amr came, firefighters came, they resuscitated her and all this stuff, and I was I don't know. I think I was like six or seven or eight, I don't know.
Speaker 3I just thought my mom was sick. That's what I perceived it as self. Because you know, my father was an alcoholic and he was abusing her and she had six kids to take care of and he wasn't helping her. She was raising these six kids and of course, any normal person in that situation is going to want an outlet and her outlet was killing herself. I know that's not a lot of people's other outlets, you know, but she didn't have anybody. I know that's not a lot of people's other outlets, you know, but she didn't have anybody. She didn't have God, she didn't have a therapist, she didn't have a friend to go to. She was dealing all of this by herself, raising six kids, six kids. So I don't look at her and like, look down on her and be like you're dumb for trying to kill yourself or, oh my God, you're so weak. Or you know it makes fucking sense, now that I'm older, that I'm just like shit I mean, she had no other outlet that was her out, wow, um.
Speaker 3So she spent a like a week in the hospital, like, oh, like, no, like a week and a half in the mental institute. Well, the mental the like, you know, at the hospital that we work at or used to work at, uh, what was it called behavioral health or whatever. I don't know what did, what did they change it to? So she spent like a week and a half in um, the mental institute part of the hospital. So I didn't have my mom for like a week and a half and I was little, I didn't know what was going on. I thought, oh, she's sick, but it wasn't until 13 realizing that.
Speaker 2So all that trauma you know, is that what affected it? Wow.
Speaker 3It affected me and that's just one part of it. That's literally just one part of it, but I was one of six, one of six kids, and I'm the baby. So I feel as like the baby. I absorbed all of their mistakes, all of their challenges, all of their conversations, and I think it did equip me to be mature enough to handle life now.
Speaker 1Were you the last of the six.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm the baby. I'm the baby of the six and.
Speaker 2I had, yeah, so so you have any sisters or just brothers?
Speaker 3I have one sister and four older brothers, so, um, I'm very close to my siblings, very, very close to my siblings. It took me a while to like build a relationship with my parents because I for a long time I didn't like them. For a long time I resented them and that's okay, I mean it is what it is. But now I recently, like I just hug my dad, I kiss him, I say I love him. I hug my mom, I kiss her. But I've always hugged my mom and kissed her.
Speaker 3But like I actually have more patience for my parents now, because I know that they're not going to be here for a long time, and therapy taught me that. Therapy taught me to put myself outside of situations and take myself out of the equation.
Speaker 1Be more objective.
Speaker 3Exactly and it's helped. So it sucks that the older kind of generation thinks that therapy and psychiatry and medication is a negative. But it's not because you talk through your feelings, you talk about what it is that you're going through, but you have to be okay with facing yourself and that's the thing that nobody really gets to. That's. That's something that nobody really talks about is that you have to be okay with facing who you really are as a person.
Speaker 1You have to be accountable.
Speaker 3Exactly. You have to hold accountability of your actions. You have to be okay with being. Hey, I was a piece of shit and that's okay. But I don't no longer want to be a piece of shit, so I'm going to be this person and that's okay. That's okay. We all fuck up as human beings. We all go through our life and realize, hey, who do you want to be? What do you want your? And I'm not going to say legacy, because that's fucking stupid. I'm going to say who do you want your? And I'm not going to say legacy, because I was fucking stupid. I'm going to say who do you want people to remember you? As the fake version that you put out to the world? Or the real version that you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror at night, or, with a real person, that you look at yourself when you're getting ready for work? What do you want?
Speaker 2That's true, because you know what? There's actually two legacies that everybody leaves behind. I don't want.
Speaker 3You say, you say you don't like using the word legacy. Why? Because I'm just a person. There's no legacy.
Speaker 2I'm just no, no, no, no okay, I think, I think, I think you're, you're taking the word legacy and you're making this sounds too like it's majestic, like arbitrary.
Speaker 1You're a fucking queen, or?
Speaker 3it sounds too majestic okay, I get it.
Speaker 2So you're too majestic, like oh, I have a legacy, like there's statues above me everywhere I'm not important. No, that's not true, though I don't I. I would argue that actually I think, everybody.
Speaker 2I think everybody has a legacy. I understand what you're saying, but I don't like the word legacy, watch out. But being remembered for something is the same thing as legacy, I agree. I just if you don't like using the word, I get it. I understand why you feel like you're not. I don't. I disagree with that. I feel like everybody is a somebody to someone in their world, to somebody in this planet. On this planet, you're somebody to somebody, you're right. So that's why I I disagree with that.
Speaker 2Respectfully, okay, but I think with legacy too, right, um, accountability, that's a big part of it, but there's two. I feel like now that you said that I'll get to get the accountability in a second legacy, I feel like you leave two behind. If you're famous, you leave behind what everybody thinks you are, the things that they know about you like. I'll use kobe bryant as an example. People know him as a hard worker. People know him as a guy that would wake his teammates up at 5 am to get in the gym and work out before a match, and that's why they were. They were a three-peat laker team at one point. You know what I mean. So people know him for his craziness is his good work ethic, the the last minute game winning shots that he would make people know kobe bryant for that right being a fucking goat in basketball. That's part of his legacy, right, but I think that's only his surface loan by the public legacy.
Speaker 2We don't know how the fuck kobe bryant was at home as a dad or as a legacy to his father, to his, to his you know what I mean To his closest friends.
Speaker 1We don't know who the fuck that guy was.
Speaker 2Let's be honest, we don't. We know what he did on a basketball court. Sure, we knew what he said to the media. We didn't know who the fuck he was off camera. So you guys don't know who we are off camera. So there's two types of legacies you leave behind, right, because the people that can look at the public legacy be like, yeah, that's true, he did all those things, but man, that guy was a real piece of shit. Or then that guy was a really model citizen, like man. He lived exactly the same way off the court that he did off the court. We don't know, you right? You see what I'm going with this. That's what I feel like know shit about the public figures that we know about the private life. Bro, exactly, I'm sorry, we don't know shit about their private life. We know about their public life, yeah like.
Speaker 3Well, I will say this, though like your dad's funeral, when I saw all those people show up, yeah it didn't surprise me. Yeah, it did not surprise me, because your father touched so many people's hearts. Maybe he didn't even mean to. He was just speaking his truth and being the person that he was.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3But I remember pulling up to the church for the service and I was just like, yeah, I'm not shocked, the parking lot was full. I had to park in the desert area because the actual parking lot was full. We had to. I had to park in the desert area because the parking lot, the actual parking lot, was full.
Speaker 2Yeah, I didn't expect to see that many people there. That's crazy. I don't know how many lives he touched, bro.
Speaker 3That's crazy he touched so many lives and when I walked into that church it was packed, it was full. And it didn't surprise me, because he was such a beautiful soul and such a beautiful person, and that's what I aspire to be I appreciate that.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have any values, you don't have any morals. Aspire to be a better person, aspire to be good, aspire to To advance someone's life somehow other than in your own.
Communication and Physical Intimacy
Speaker 3I'm sorry, but for me as a person, when, if somebody talks about me, I do not want them to say, yeah, she was a fucking bitch, yeah, she was a fucking cunt, yeah, she was selfish, yeah, blah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. No, I, I mean, I don't really care what people think about me, but I want people that are near me to feel comfortable and to feel good and to be able to be open, because that's what john was yeah, and you touched what john was john touched people in such a positive way and I felt so comfortable being in that house, like that house at one point was my refugee, because my family was so toxic and because my home was not any of that like.
Speaker 3I didn't know what support was. I didn't know what love was. I didn't know what emotionally being vulnerable was. I had to fucking learn how to be emotionally available in a relationship. I had to learn how to be emotionally available to my friends. I'm surprised that my friends are still my friends till this day, because I was so in my own world, in my own head, that I didn't care about anything else but myself. That's so selfish. But I learned.
Speaker 3You learn as you go and then you you say, hey, who do you want to be? What do you want to be? How do you want to come out to people? Because at the end of the day, we're all lonely, right, we're all lonely. We all want love, we all want to get hugged, we all want to be validated, we all want to be considered, we all want to be thought of.
Speaker 3It's just I. I know it sucks, because I hate that part of me. I hate the vulnerability part of me. I don't want to rely on anybody to give me validation, but we're human beings and it's in our fucking dna. So fucking deal with it. So fucking deal with it. Find so fucking deal with it. Find the right people to hang out with. Your crowd is who you are. Your crowd is who you are and I have great friends. I have great, beautiful friends. That the only reason I was able to persevere from the breakup and the cheating that my ex did and all that stuff was because of my friends. My friend paid for my gym membership for three months. I didn't know that.
Speaker 3Wow, jasmine. Okay, jasmine, and I will say that name, jasmine, I'm not going to say her last name, but Jasmine fucking paid for my membership at the gym for three months so that I can start feeling good about myself, because I felt like a fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 2I felt worthless. That's a real friend. I felt worthless Based off of what happened in your relationship.
Speaker 3Cheating when you love somebody so much and they cheat on you.
Speaker 1Your world gets shattered.
Speaker 3My world, literally everything. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I literally everything. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know my worth.
Speaker 2A lot of the time, though it's not your fault, though it's the other person's selfishness that caused that. Look, this is what I've learned. No, but I've learned this. I want to hear what you say, though, go ahead, I just want to say it really quick Go has everything to do with the other person and nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3Facts that's big, I will repeat that Cheating has everything to do with the other person and nothing to do with you. Go.
Speaker 2Yo mic drop, bro. She just said. She said I'll drop a shell Mic drop, no. Honestly said. She said I'll drop a shell Mic drop, no. Honestly though. I want to second that and I say that because a lot of the time there's been, there's been situations where I've seen people get cheated on. That didn't even make sense why the person got cheated on. It's ridiculous to me.
Speaker 3But again, and then you see people that got cheated on. That it does make sense.
Speaker 2You know, you do see that that that got cheated on. That it does make sense, you do see that that's true it doesn't make it entirely right, but it's like why is this happening?
Speaker 1Why isn't this happening so that this can't?
Speaker 2happen. No, that's facts. And again, I'm not saying that it makes it right. Now let me get to a little controversial topic here, with cheating. I'm going to say this I have a couple of theories, because I agree with you. I have a couple of theories because I agree with you.
Speaker 2It doesn't make sense why people cheat. It doesn't make sense. I think that if you're going to cheat, leave the person be respectful, respect your time, respect their time. It's not feeling the same anymore. Grow some balls you can't have. You can't just keep them. Sorry, they're not. They're not a collectible. Oh, you know, I'll just sleep with her a few times when also want to try that out, but I don't want to lose that though, because I do like that. No, it doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. We're people. We're not fucking things we keep on a shelf.
Speaker 2But my point is if you're going to do it, obviously break up with the person, right, but what I'm saying, what also leads to it, what's unfortunate and I feel like this is very true doesn't stops to satisfy you in certain ways. Now, I'm not saying that's always the case, that's not always the case, but it is the case in some people's relationships, right, you'll be like sometimes they'll stop putting out, they'll stop showing love, they'll start, they'll stop doing this, stop doing that, right, and then they expect you to still be the same person you were always in that relationship and even and I'm not a piece of shit, and you should never say this guys, don't just say, hey, I'm not cheating, I'm trying to refrain from it, but you're not making it easy because you're not putting it out. Don't do that. That's the wrong thing to say to your woman. Don't do it.
Speaker 2The point I'm getting at is communicate it in a respectful love way, loveful, like, in a loving way. Say maybe, like hey, you, why is that? Am I affecting you somehow? Are we not going on enough dates? Am I not showing you enough emotional support? Am I not showing you the same love that I showed you when we started out? You know what I mean. Ask those questions. Don't be embarrassed to have those questions with your partner, right? I feel like that can avoid it. But sometimes, even nevertheless, sometimes women gatekeep it and then, men, they unfortunately go look for it somewhere else.
Speaker 3Because I feel like I feel like, to a degree, physicality is important in a relationship, of course, and I think that's when communication and you learning and this is, I go back to saying, emotionally available, emotionally mature, and it's communication relationship is with communication. I'm sorry, but my best friends. I'm always texting them, I'm always telling them I love them, I'm always saying, hey, I know you live far, but let's hang out. It's a relationship. At the end of the day, it's a relationship and you're going to have to have uncomfortable conversations with your friends, with your partner, with your family, with whatever, with your job, with your manager, with your coworkers, with whatever with your job with your manager, with your co-workers, whatever it is.
Speaker 3But you're going to have to have these uncomfortable conversations. But this is when it comes to actually do you value the relationship that you're in? Because if you don't value it, you're not going to give a fuck about it. Nope, you're not going to give a fuck about your co-workers if you don't value them. You're not going to give a fuck about it. Nope, you're not going to give a fuck about your co-workers if you don't value them. You're not going to give a fuck about your family if you don't value them.
Speaker 3You're not going to give a fuck about your girlfriend or your boyfriend if you do not value the relationship 100 and that's when I go back to it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them, because that is your perception, that is. Is you saying okay?
Speaker 2So how would you, how would you recommend? Sorry, I'm going to cut you off.
Speaker 3No, no, no, you're good, how do?
Speaker 2you recommend someone or no. Finish your statement first. Sorry, no, ask the question this way, I was just going to say are you done? Sure.
Speaker 3Or no. I made you forget, didn't I? I don't know.
Speaker 1I made you forget. Stop doing that. I literally cut you off in the middle of your fucking sentence, son of a bitch, I mean, because she forgot what she was gonna say. The thing is like I mean to a degree, to a degree like there is like perception, but then there's also like reality. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1So it's like if what's happening so what's happening is happening and you're perceiving it. It's like okay, like, let's say, you are in the situation where, where let's say, you're the man right and you and you have a wife, you guys, usually your rhythm is good, right, it's frequent, whatever, like everything's cool, right, and suddenly it just stops, right. Let's say it stops with like no explanation and you ask, you inquire. You're not being, like you know, belittling or anything like that. You're asking, you're inquiring, and then you're just getting brushed off, you know.
Speaker 1At that point what can you do? But yeah, let's say that that's your wife at that point. True, let's say who knows how far this relationship is. All you know is that this event's happening and it's been like prolonged. How do you like go about it, especially when you've already addressed it and it's not being like revisited or like you know?
Speaker 2what's it?
Speaker 1called like solved right. What do you do? Because the thing is like you can't just, if you're married to somebody, oh, I'm gonna divorce you because we haven't had sex in a month. You can't just say that no, you can't be, I'm saying you can't just leave so sometimes I think that's why I don't.
Speaker 1I don't justify cheating, but I I understand it. I understand it to a degree when it's like, okay, if you're being deprived, it doesn't make it right, right, but why isn't your partner doing it? I was going to say too why aren't they doing it?
Speaker 3I'll be honest with you, respectfully. I don't understand it, because I had multiple occasions to cheat too. I had it. You had opportunities. Yeah, yeah, I had opportunities, and it wasn't even the opportunities I had. Um, I was not being satisfied in my relationship. I was not being satisfied yes, overall, or just physically? Physically satisfied okay physically in that way and mentally and emotionally I wasn't being satisfied in any aspect of the relationship after a while.
Speaker 2So you didn't go look for satisfaction somewhere else, because you were loving him and I did not go.
Speaker 3People were giving me attention.
Speaker 2Guys were giving me attention Because women could cheat whenever she could have been like. All right, he could probably satisfy me.
Speaker 3I had opportunities, trust me, andrew and Sel.
Speaker 1I had opportunities. Trust me, andrew, but did you bring those dissatisfactions to his attention? Of course I did, like the physical, emotional, like the stuff.
Speaker 3Yes, I was constantly having conversations with him and saying I don't feel close to you anymore, I don't feel like this and this is happening. I don't feel okay. I feel like something is off. I was always telling him. I feel like this is happening. I don't feel okay. I feel like something is off. I was always telling him I feel like something is off. Can we talk?
Speaker 2But, like I said, but you told him straight up like hey, bro, this is not doing it for me. I don't know, maybe we should try something different.
Speaker 3Like hey, Well, we did In the bedroom, let's try something different.
Speaker 2We did, but he knew I was Again not to make you laugh, but maybe we should do it in the kitchen, maybe we should do it on the couch.
Speaker 3Maybe we should do it somewhere else in the apartment. You guys try that.
Speaker 2I'll say this Sorry, you only got to give us detail, if you don't want to.
Speaker 3No, no, no. I'll say this I said I'm a very passionate lover. Huh, and I don't feel any passion all there.
Speaker 2So when you guys would engage, it felt like he was somewhere else, like he was doing the act, but he wasn't really.
Speaker 3Yes, and I, I like the passion, I like you being there, I like you staring into my eyes.
Speaker 1You can't fake passion.
Speaker 3You can't, you could fuck you could have sex yeah but you can't fake passion. I'm sorry, I've been in a relationship for you, with you for this long and it still feels like a hookup or a first, or there's nothing there. Like I'm sorry, but question guys, question guys. I will ask you this If you're in a relationship with a woman for I don't know, let's say four, three years, you're going to understand what she likes to get her going right. At that point you will. But okay, so you will right If to get her going right.
Speaker 1At that point you will. But okay, so you will right, If you're paying attention. Right, yeah, if you're paying attention, If you're actually engaging.
Speaker 3You're going to know what makes her come and what makes her rouse and what makes her good.
Speaker 1But the only thing you're not going to know is what she doesn't tell you. So if there is something that you, there is a certain thing that you can't meet, and let's say like she, like she feels, like she can't bring it up without hurting your feelings, you're not going to know that's true, and then that's something that's going to be kept from you. What if she's so open with you and saying I like to be choked, I like this.
Speaker 2Then you should do those things and if you're not doing them yeah, then it's gonna fall apart, of course, especially if you're openly telling them this is what I like, this is what I like, don't be sorry, fuck that.
Speaker 1Be unapologetic, you can be that in those situations, because everything's already on the table, regardless of people's feelings, people should literally be honest, because sometimes you'll have girls ask you oh, do you like me, like this, or slimmer, or whatever. I know women always have an image about their weight. You know what I'm saying. I've had a question asked me multiple times right Of course, I'm just like.
Speaker 1I'm personally cool with your weight. You know what I'm saying Personally. Obviously, reality, reality, okay, could you probably be a little bit more quote-unquote fit. Yeah, sure, right, without being offensive, right, but I'm being transparent, you know what I'm saying. Sometimes, though, on the flip side, women don't want to tell guys everything that they don't really like. They're not telling everyone 100% like I don't like this, I don't like this.
Speaker 1They're telling you all the stuff to what they think that you're cool with. Okay, at this point I don't think he can handle this. I'm not going to tell him this, but that's a really important part for her. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2But then she should say that Fuck that.
Speaker 1But if she doesn't mention that, it's better to mention it so that he knows and obviously, if he can't meet that area, you know, what I'm saying, then okay.
Speaker 2At least you establish it Exactly.
Speaker 1I'm going to take advantage, because if it's not known, you don't know.
Speaker 2No, I'm going to take advantage of this too. I'm going to say this because he furies us onto something right here. I'm going to say this and this is a PA, take it as a PA. I'm going to look at the camera, seen your partner butt, ass naked. You should not be ashamed, embarrassed or even pensive, or even uh, what's the word? When you hold back. If you're apprehensive to tell your partner about like what you like and you've already seen each other that vulnerably then what are you really doing? You're not in a relationship you want to be. If you got to cover your quote-unquote, as they call it, shame yeah, I'm not shameful about my parts, but anyway, some people are.
Speaker 2No, yeah, but I'm saying like you, you just know you should be that be able to be vulnerable, yeah hey babe I like this if, can we try this, if it's not fuck it, be blunt. If you have to present it that way, present it that way. Would you guys agree?
Speaker 1fuck it, try it yeah, like, because sometimes it suddenly doesn't work.
Speaker 2I like what julia said sorry you know, good job. She was like I like to be and I was saying you, pertain, in particular. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I like to be choked. I like my hair pulled.
Speaker 3Smack my ass, like you mean it, like you want to Something like to have.
Speaker 2That might turn them. You know, listen to that shit, do it, and sometimes it suddenly won't work.
Speaker 1You need to flat out tell them hey, I love you, so I'm going to tell you flat, don't do it. It's kind of like all right, bro, like what's the problem? What's going on, really, like what's really happening. Everyone's got like different tastes and it's like you gotta be I think you gotta be 100, 100 transparent, because it's like if someone has okay, like like someone, some men like bbws, right, yeah, some big like big women, right, some people can't understand that, right, but obviously it's not what you like.
Speaker 1Yeah, it could be a preference of yours, yeah, like some people who are just super fit, super this, super that. But it's like, if you're with somebody, let's say you're with somebody and they meet every expectation except one, and that's a very important one for you and that's the one that you're not telling them your need's not being met, and then?
Speaker 1you're just in this with them and then you might let's just say that you stop engaging with them and then it just trickles down. I think at the forefront it should be honest. People should just be upfront about who they are and what they want.
Speaker 2If you're a freak and you like this and you like that, whatever it can come to that, absolutely Just be open about it. I feel like that should happen during dating. Because that's gonna be the thing that really it's gonna have who's who should be there there now. Look, I would. No, I agree.
Speaker 1Then you find the right because partner that you're with right for, like man, it wasn't right because, like like, let's just say it's not everything, but I agree.
Speaker 2No, you need to connect like I'm sorry, go finish your thought.
Speaker 1You gotta be like you just gotta be like transparent really about, especially when it comes to that like okay, like what do you have to?
Speaker 3be transparent about everything yeah and that's when it's hard, in relationships where are you ready? Yeah, I do I know you do all right I will say this okay because with um, when you get into a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, you have to be okay with the other person. Not being okay Because we all have our seasons, right, we all have our shit going on.
Speaker 2I struggle with that too, struggled.
Speaker 3I think that in my past relationship I was fully, fully there for somebody that was not okay Emotionally. He you know, he was deployed and stuff like that.
Speaker 1He's in the service.
Speaker 3He was he was. He was in the service Okay.
Speaker 1Add a little bit, a little bit more context to it, yep.
Speaker 3Yes, so he was and, um, he was deployed for 11 months, which is pretty much a year, and I could have easily cheated.
Speaker 2Easily.
Speaker 3I could have easily been like hey, I'm not getting laid, I'm not getting any dick, I'm not getting any attention. I could have easily, easily done it, but I didn't, because I valued my relationship, I valued what we had, I valued, I loved him, not surface level loved, but deeply. And then, um, you know, he came back and he changed, things were different. It as what happens with people who are deployed, who see certain things that they're not supposed to see, who go through very traumatic situations that I as an individual can never understand.
Speaker 3I can never understand being away for that long and serving your country and being left to shit and sleeping in fucking garbage and being fed garbage food and right and your family not reaching out to you and not like I get it.
Speaker 2I can't understand it, but I get it his family, his family's reach out to him now it's not about that.
Emotional Availability and Accountability
Speaker 3It's, it's literally not about that, but it's just like he was alone and no one was there for him but me and his family. So it was just like it sucks. I I don't know what you went through over there because you, at the end of the day, can't talk about it because you have security clearance and all this other stuff.
Speaker 2Amber's so weird. What are you doing, girl? You want to make it a Furious? Does not fuck with Amber at all why you don't like cats.
Speaker 3She doesn't scratch me.
Speaker 2Hey, tough love, Amber get out of here, tough love.
Speaker 3Go girl Tough, love girl Amber, he's using his fucking chair.
Speaker 2He's like get out of here. Sorry, you were saying no, I didn't mean to laugh, I was just laughing at her.
Speaker 3I didn't realize she was behind me.
Speaker 2Yeah, she was doing all this shit, so when you watch this later, you're like okay, she just wants your love.
Speaker 3Yeah, she does, amber, she just wants your love. Go to your bed, baby.
Speaker 2She's just a.
Speaker 3This year, too, she has a baby so, anyways, what the fuck was I saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like I said, you have multiple opportunities to cheat. I could have cheated when my partner was in here for so many months, but I valued the relationship and I cared about it and I knew if I did that and never told him that that would eat at my heart. I could have easily, but I don't have that. That's not me at the end of the day. That's just. It's not who I am.
Speaker 3Regardless of the attention, the um, the satisfaction, the orgasm, whatever pleasure it is that you get out of that, I don't have it in me. So for you to say, oh, this person wasn't putting out, so I got wandering eyes, um, and no, that's not an excuse. You had it in in you, you wanted to cheat, you wanted attention, you wanted somebody else, you wanted different pussy, you wanted to do these things. So do not hold me accountable for not putting out, for not doing what it is that you liked, because, sorry, I was alone for a year without your penis.
Speaker 1So hold on, so wait. So was that the accusation?
Speaker 3Yes. That's what I'm talking about. So when he came back yes, no, no, no, no when I found out he cheated and when I broke up with him, he told this man right here that the reason he cheated was because I wasn't putting out, and for my putting out he got wandering eyes.
Speaker 2Instead of communicating it to his partner. I even asked him why don't you communicate it so?
Speaker 1hold, on hold on let's just establish okay. What's a healthy number of quote unquote? What's a healthy number of that, in your opinion? What's a healthy number of quote unquote?
Speaker 2what's a healthy number of that? What do you mean?
Speaker 1In your opinion, what's a healthy number?
Speaker 2Like, let's say, weekly monthly.
Speaker 1How often do you do it?
Speaker 3a week, weekly, monthly, yeah, it depends on what you're going through as a woman and what the partner is able to handle, Because there wasn't just oh, I don't want to have sex with you. There was a lot of lead up to that that I won't say on here.
Speaker 1Like interactions yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Experiences no, no, no.
Speaker 3I'm saying personally between him and I. I will not say on here because I don't want to bash anybody or bash him or myself, but there was certain things that led up to that, that led up to the fact that I didn't want to be physical, and he understood that.
Speaker 1It was energy.
Speaker 2No no no, it was the shit that happened. There was shit that happened that just turned her off to the point where she didn't want to.
Speaker 3And I will not say it. Of course you don't have to if you don't want to, yeah, I will not say it but there was things that happened that he knows why, and I expressed it and I told him and he didn't care it was. I just want to get my dick wet. I just want to do this and I don't understand why you.
Speaker 1So this is what I say.
Speaker 3In a relationship, the other person. There's going to come a time where they're not going to be okay and you're going to have to deal with it, or vice versa. So you, it's like, don't get into a relationship if you're not able to withstand those kinds of challenges.
Speaker 1Droughts.
Speaker 2Droughts. Basically, she's getting at it, she's not going to. Okay, I get it, but Not only droughts but mental health. No, no, no, Of course.
Speaker 3Mental health.
Speaker 2I kind of get what she's getting at too, bro, because a part of you is kind of like okay, you have needs as a man, right, she has needs as a woman in this particular case we're talking about droughts.
Speaker 3It sucks for men, right, but it's like no, no for sure through a drought but can you expect your girl to ride your?
Speaker 1opportunities.
Speaker 2Okay, that's fair, that's fair but I okay, so let me ask you this then.
Speaker 1But that's what is a woman? So what is a woman because let's be honest.
Speaker 2You're human, let's just be. We're all adults here. Let's be blunt. You get horny. What do you do with those urges then?
Speaker 3Nothing.
Speaker 2You don't no vibration.
Speaker 3At least that's not cheating, is just not like normal other girls, and I've realized that. No, I've realized that I'm not like normal other girls. But yes, you get a vibrator, you get that what's that thing, the rose.
Speaker 2Yeah, the rose, that's very popular. Okay, without being too too revealing, I want to be respectful to you, so how did you cope with it? Then? Was it that you're willing to share? Are you willing to share that? If not, I'll move on to a different question.
Speaker 3But well, I mean we sent each other videos okay yeah, we send each other stuff you know, that's not bad, that's good.
Speaker 2No, that helps that fuck. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3We send each other stuff, but it's just like what I'm trying to say. Is that other person saying that they were not putting out, so I got wandering eyes yeah, it's kind of like I'm sorry, but I didn't have anybody or any. I mean, I did have like toys, you know, but I'm not. What I'm trying to say is take accountability, because at one point or another your partner's not going to be all there, and you're going to have to deal with that which is going to go my next.
Speaker 3My next statement no, no, no like, just just, there's gonna be trials and tribulations in your relationship. Meaning, meaning she's uh, her mom died, okay and she's depressed, she lost her job and you have to financially support her um she. I don't know what life fucking happens. What life gives to you anything? So I feel like in that moment, handle that if you can't handle her having a a deficit, like like a downgrade, like her being with it turned off for a second or or then.
Speaker 3Then don't be in a relationship okay, I got something to say, or vice versa as a woman a woman, if your dude is going through it he may not want to be physical. He may not want. It's not even about the physicality. I would argue this it really is.
Speaker 2Hold on. He knows what I'm going to say. Hold on, it's not even about the physicality. I know I was going to say something. It it's not.
Speaker 3It's just sometimes we're going through it and you're not emotionally, physically available for your partner okay I. What I'm trying to say is you have to learn how to deal with it and not cheat on them I see what you're saying. You have to be able to enjoy communication, communicate with your partner talk to your partner, say, hey, this and this and this and this is going on.
Speaker 1So that's where it goes with that okay, now let's just say that, like you do, get to that point right where you tell them this is what's what's going on, what's the timeline, yeah, how long? How transparent are you about that? Is that also ambiguous?
Speaker 3because let's say but what if you are being transparent and you are saying what's going on with?
Speaker 1you? No, I'm not saying that you're not. I'm saying what do you say?
Speaker 3when you are being transparent, but what do you say when you are?
Speaker 1No, I'm saying. So it's like, okay, I'm going through this, Give me a month.
Speaker 2Are you going to give them at least an idea? Give me two. Are you going to give them at least an idea? Because the thing is, they don't say that.
Speaker 1No one ever says hey, you know what, give me like. Give me like three weeks to get myself back together what the hell is that?
Speaker 2she's trying to entertain herself, like you know what I'm saying, like no one ever says hey, like give me, give me, like they don't give me like two weeks, give me a month you know what they? I need space. What does that mean? Space is so ambiguous.
Speaker 3But there is no space. You're talking to each other. I'm not saying hey, give me a month, give me a week. You tell them what's going on, and then that person's trying and you're trying as well. That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2Elaborate, as in saying, I'm sorry I'm talking about, but I give you a few. Can you elaborate on that?
Speaker 3Elaborate, as in saying I'm sorry, I'm not horny, okay, that's fine, because of this and this and that. No, yeah, that's fine I don't want to have sex because of this and this and that.
Speaker 1So what I'm asking? Okay, so, what's your? Okay? So obviously, if you're in a relationship, let Okay, so what's your? Okay? So obviously, if you're in a relationship, let's say that you're in a marriage, right, You're with a partner. Let's say that your partner is you guys are frequently intimate. Let's say like, you guys are frequently intimate.
Speaker 3Yeah, of course you live together, yeah.
Speaker 1So what's your? Are you just doing it by like, day by day, or are you giving them a timeline? Are you saying like oh, hey, give me a minute, or like hey today I'm not in the mood, but tomorrow maybe.
Speaker 3What are you saying?
Speaker 1Well, I'm saying personally I'm saying I like foreplay, I like this. No, I get that, like the act, I get that. I'm saying the timeline when would you be down again? Anytime, I'm not horny.
Speaker 2Anytime. That's not true, though, because sometimes you're not emotionally available, like you said that's not true, though, because sometimes you're not emotionally available, like you said.
Speaker 3I'm sorry, but to me anytime, just you have to get me there. So yeah, as a partner, you have to get me there.
Speaker 1So let's say like so let's, so let's say that there's a moment, right, and you're like, hey, like I'm not horny right now, right, right, okay, and the guy's like fucking, like I'm gonna just try it anyways and that gets you there, that's okay.
Speaker 3As a guy, I think you have to know what gets your woman there.
Speaker 1No, let's say that you know all that, yeah, that you know all that. But she's expressing to you like I'm not in the mood right now, I can't relate to that, because the person I was with did not know how to get me there, sheesh.
Speaker 2I, yes, imagine it. Daycare no, that's got to be someone else, nothing.
Speaker 3Let me just shut up.
Speaker 1Did you order something DoorDash? I don't think so. I don't remember shit, bro, Tell me it's an. Irs bro Shit.
Speaker 3Who is it? Ah shit, wait, there's two men in here, oh shit look who it is.
Speaker 1Oh, it's your brother. Oh my God, what is this Camera's out? What up man? No, we are actually.
Speaker 2Can you guys get out of here please?
Speaker 3No, I'm not going to be able to talk comfortably if you're here, you guys look, so flow right now.
Speaker 2I love you guys to be able to talk comfortably if you're here.
Speaker 3You're looking good dude You're getting skinny. Yeah, proud of you, bro, my bad.
Speaker 2I didn't know you guys were coming. No, no, no it's fine.
Speaker 3it's fine, Hi, Adelia. I'm at your daycare. I'm supposed to be a bachelor. I got an hour left to report. I think what I was trying to say was knowing your partner and being patient and it's because, at the end of the day, relationships have to sometimes take yourself out of the equation. Sometimes that person can only show 80% and then you can only show 20%, but then that person is willing to be like hey, you're 20% right now, I'll show 90%.
Speaker 2Yeah, I see you showing up for each other.
Speaker 3Showing up for each other, having that mutual understanding.
Dating After Trauma and Heartbreak
Speaker 2One thing I will say, even as a guy, because we tend to forget that sometimes Like man, I want my girl ready to go Like after a long day, bro, if I want to. Just sorry, I'm going to be vulgar when I say this. It's not like you don't expect your partner, because then when you do have sex and you guys are not on a good page, that's not good sex. It's like you ever had like awkward sex with your partner. Yes, you force it and you're like afterwards you're like that wasn't really enjoyable.
Speaker 1He's like yes, she's in there With my partner.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1With the partner, with the partner. No, okay, like I've definitely had a hard time.
Speaker 2Well, you force it and you're like, oh fuck, that wasn't that great.
Speaker 1With a woman, right yeah, but like with my partner, like a partner woman, I'm locked in with.
Speaker 3That's good, that's good I'm glad you have no experience. But Sal.
Speaker 1I want to add To what he was saying.
Speaker 2Go ahead when it comes to like. I'm going to just Siphon through this later.
Speaker 3He took his glasses off.
Speaker 2He did. I love it. That's how you know. And, by the way, Can I? Say this real quick For the record. This I'm going to leave on Furious doesn't take.
Speaker 3His glasses off. That's a good thing. No, it's not. No, I didn't get it. I didn't get it. It was the comfortability, the vulnerability.
Speaker 2There, you go the realness. He felt that energy and he took his glasses off too. It's the energy. Hey, you got to furious. Not a lot of people get to furious, that's a good thing. No, it's the energy. One gets to me. Aka, they're gonna have a continuation off camera. Who knows, they might go on a date.
Speaker 3Who knows I'm gonna be that guy that says that oh, my god, oh, can I tell you something? For me coming on here and talking about anything. Yeah, it was really really hard.
Speaker 2It's really I'm glad you're here, that this is me being vulnerable.
Speaker 3I don't understand that this is me being vulnerable.
Speaker 1I don't know you.
Speaker 3This is my first time meeting you, that's true, and I talked to you, but you made me feel comfortable, so I like your energy, I like your vibe and I think you picked a good co-host. I appreciate that Because he can talk to people he can. I've known you for a while. You are my brother. You known you for a while. You are my brother, you are family I fucking love you absolutely.
Speaker 2I, I, I will literally murder for you. I would too.
Speaker 3That's how much I love you. That's mutual, but um, that's deep yeah, that's deep. That's deep, bro, I believe her too, because I would do the same for her. No, I asked ashley. I was like would you, would you murder for me? She's like heck.
Speaker 1No, I'm like nah, she's not that deep right there, she's's like not that deep.
Speaker 2I love her.
Speaker 3She loves me, but she's not going to go to jail for me.
Speaker 2She's like I can't go to prison for you, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3I would go to prison for her, but she's not going to go to prison for me.
Speaker 2Fucking.
Speaker 1A bro, that's some bullshit, it's fine.
Speaker 3It's fine. Yeah, let's hear from your aspect.
Speaker 1I mean just to touch on, like what he was saying about you're a gentle soul. Yeah, I feel it, he is. He's very I feel it. It's definitely been developed. You know, I wasn't always like this.
Speaker 3You know, I used to be very for sure it comes with a lot of trauma a lot of growth.
Speaker 2Wait before we do that, though, before you guys get into that that's for Ashley. That's for my damn sister. Not wanting to fucking take a bullet for Julia, She'd do it for you. Gosh damn it.
Speaker 3Hey, that Cassie song you been waiting for so long Okay.
Speaker 1Yep, go ahead, I'm passing the mic back over to Furious Go ahead.
Speaker 3What's up with these tattoos?
Speaker 2Wait a minute, hold on.
Speaker 3Take your shirt off. Let's see it. Let's see it. What's up with these tattoos? Wait?
Speaker 2a minute. Hold on.
Speaker 3That was my. Take your shirt off. Let's see it. Let's see it. What's under?
Speaker 2there.
Speaker 3Hey, you're single, come on.
Speaker 2You're single, he's single.
Speaker 3Let's put it out for these ladies.
Speaker 1What is under that shirt?
Speaker 3Let's see it.
Speaker 2Save that for your off camera. Julia, go with this man to the bar later. Okay, go somewhere else with that. Okay, what? Okay, lil Jon.
Speaker 1With him proposing right, like, just just like touching on that. Sometimes you want to be at a certain state in life to where you can like support that. You know what I'm saying. You don't want to go into something having to catch up versus having having it already there.
Speaker 1It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. You know what I'm saying. So, as a man, man like you want to have your ducks in a row. You don't want to, just like. I know women are more spontaneous right? Oh, let's go here, let's go, let's do this, let's do that. Right, some men, some men, are like that too, right, but we all know like what the usual outcome of that is. Okay, like there is no, um, instant gratification. Like, yeah, you can have instant gratification, but it comes at a cost, right, yeah, so when it comes to something like this, it's thought out.
Speaker 1Usually, dudes want to think this out because they want to be sure of their investment too. It's not just, it's more of like a fourfold thing. Because you have investment, you have kids involved, you have finances involved, you got all kinds of shit right. So you want to have your shit in line. Because you don do, we don't, we don't want to do things over and over again. No, people are saying we want things to be good straight on through, cool, right. Of course, you're going to have your discrepancies where people step out and do all that kind of shit, right, but on average, dudes want to. You know they want to have a shirt thing as well, right. Just as a woman want to have. You know, like certainty. Dudes want to have a sure thing as well, right. Just as a woman want to have, you know, like certainty, dudes want to have that too, yeah, especially when it comes to kids. It's like that's even a bigger aspect.
Speaker 3So it's like okay if we have kids. What is more of a sure thing than this person having your children?
Speaker 1So you have two of them. Okay, so think about this. Right, let's say you have. Okay, let's say you have two kids. Right, let's say you have two kids and you're with someone who is toxic. Right, let's say they're not the person for you, but but for that individual. They like sleeping with that person yeah, like that.
Speaker 1In this case she's not toxic, of course she just wants in that in that case, if that person is, if for the, for that dude, then it's gonna happen. Yeah, it's gonna happen. It's not that it, oh, it should happen, and you know the factor now. So there's no more question mark, like I'm telling you a woman who is um pleasant to be around is not shelby oh god I don't know who's pleasant to be around?
Speaker 1who who just checks all those boxes? When it comes to that is not going to be a problem. It's not going to be a problem right now. The thing is. The thing is is that there's different nuances in relationships that make that it will make something. That's not a problem. It is a problem. You know what. I'm saying so you have things where like okay, like like how we were talking about earlier, if they're not in the mood for however long, whatever discrepancy in the rhythm, and it's like okay, so what do I do?
Speaker 3No, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 1You know, so it's just relationships are complicated because people prioritize different things.
Speaker 2You know that.
Speaker 3Yes, sometimes we fucking prioritize sex, we prioritize provisions. Yes, quality time, and I think this is when it comes to show, like, who you're in a relationship with and who you want to fuck with and who you want that person to be with, because, at the end of the day, it's it's what you want. Yeah, you have to choose wisely, like and that's what I'm saying and that's why relationship fails because people don't choose wisely.
Speaker 2No, I agree, and I don't second guess my no, of course exactly they go off of. Oh, my god, this person is making me feel so good when I come in them and it's just like that's not the gaze, like there's more of a relationship that's built than that and even if they're pretty faced with a nice body, that's not gonna not enough, that's not gonna last I, I will come out here and say this, that's what happened to me like I'm gonna be vulnerable because I don't mind it.
Speaker 3I don't mind it, but I chose somebody who made me feel good at one point or another, and then they stopped making me feel good, and then I had to deal with their baggage.
Speaker 3But I had baggage too. We all have a certain thing. But it's up to you to choose the right person that can deal with that, that can handle that, that can handle you or can handle whatever obstacle or a challenge. Because that's what relationships happen. It's never linear, it's never constant. It's an up and down, like sometimes, as human beings, we fuck up and and we feel a certain type of way. And it's up to your partner who you choose, who you choose that can handle you. If they can't handle you, then you move on. Or if you can't handle them, then you move on. If you see, hey, there's too many different patterns, there's all this, there's this, there's blah, blah, blah, then you move on and then you create a relationship with that person. That's what dating is right.
Speaker 3Yeah, Getting into the groove of that.
Speaker 1Now question when we're talking about handle, are we talking about tolerate or are we talking about deal with?
Speaker 3I'm talking about everything tolerate deal with when you're in a relationship. You have to hey, maybe you get lazy sometimes and I have to deal with that yeah or maybe you get too angry sometimes and I have to deal with that. Or maybe I get angry too much and you have to deal with that.
Speaker 1In those instances, do you check that person or do you let them experience that?
Speaker 3That's where communication comes into line baby.
Speaker 1That's where communication comes into line baby.
Speaker 3That's where openness and vulnerability and emotionally being available and all that stuff comes into play, because we have to step aside from all that and be like, hey, I love you, but you're kind of fucking being a bitch or hey, or hey I love you, but you're kind of fucking being a dick. How can we um compromise? How can we compromise?
Speaker 1how how?
Speaker 2how can we come into line, hey, if this shit pisses you off, or that, but in order for that to be a thing that the party has to be emotionally mature emotionally available and wise, and all these and that goes for the woman too, because a lot of the times it goes for both parties.
Speaker 3Baby and this, hold on.
Speaker 2No, you're right, and I think this is a great time to transition over into accountability, okay, so I think everybody here at this table has dealt with this right, in particular, with females too, like accountability, I've noticed, and most men have noticed I'm not saying that sometimes men are guilty of this shit too.
Speaker 3Yeah, women can take accountability. I get it. You just don't know this. No, I know.
Speaker 2Most of them don't Most of them don't even want to.
Speaker 3No, I know.
Speaker 2Most of them don't.
Speaker 2They don't do any wrong, but that's when you leave them and you don't fuck with them anymore, even if they have good pussy, whatever it them, because you seem like someone and I say this because I know julia seems like a person that you take accountability, and earlier in the podcast you even used an example where you took accountability and you flat out said it like hey, it's about you being like you know what I was a piece of shit, remember. You said that earlier. That's taking accountability. I'm sure furious would even agree. That's rare in a female, in the female genre of things. They don't really do that often. They don't. A lot of them don't want to take that type of response For you to do that. I don't want to say you're an outlier, but it's a blessing, right, it's a nice refresher to see that that exists in the female psyche.
Speaker 3It took therapy.
Speaker 2Damn it took self-reflection. Let me ask you this it took accountability. For you to accept that accountability. Let me ask you this then so why do you think women are just like that? Naturally, then, could you answer. I'm not saying speaking for all women, but in your experience as a woman, why do you think women are like that?
Speaker 3Because they don't want to face themselves.
Speaker 1Why though? But men don't want to face themselves either.
Speaker 3So it's a both. Thing. Some don't.
Speaker 1That's fair, but the thing is, we're different. So, from your perspective, why do you think that women don't?
Speaker 3Because it's hard to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2Besides that, yeah, but if you're with somebody that you claim to love and you want children with and marry one day, why can't you be with that person?
Speaker 1Because it's hard to be vulnerable for anybody? Yes, okay, I will say this Is it hard to be judged?
Speaker 3No, I will say this If you grew up in a toxic household, that's all you know, right? You don't know kindness, you don't know how to speak to somebody gently, right? So if you grew up in a toxic household, you're, you are toxic, you don't know how to talk to somebody.
Speaker 2nice that is fair action. That's a good point. That's a good point, you don't know, because you grew up in this. So you're a product of your environment. You're a product to your environment. That's true.
Speaker 3And it sucks. But it takes a certain type of person to grow out of that and it takes a certain type of person to be like, hey, I don't want to keep going down this way, generationally, family-wise, generationally. I don't want to keep going down this way. I don't want to keep making these mistakes. I don't want to keep getting knocked up at 17. I want to keep getting, um, fatherless or motherless or all these things. I don't want to. Okay, from my perspective, I can only speak on mine. Yeah, I grew up very emotionally unavailable. My dad was an alcoholic. My mom was depressed her whole life. I didn't have parents that were there for me emotionally. They were there physically, but they weren't there. There's a difference. So I had to learn how to communicate with relationships and that's why I think I kind of had fucked up relationships, because I picked them wrong, because that was my product of development, yeah, what you knew.
Speaker 1That was what I knew.
Speaker 3I knew people that were, and I've said this before. I say it to my friends jokingly. I say I attract emotionally unavailable men with mommy issues.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm going to say it straight up With mommy issues, there was one time where she told me too, bro, I told you she did.
Speaker 3She's like I attract trash men. It was before, but I'm growing out of it now. But yes, I attracted emotionally unavailable men with mommy issues because I was so nurturing and caring, because I didn't get that so it's like you could either be a like cold-hearted piece of shit, or you could be the, or either be too loving, it's it's. It's too loving. What's too loving, what's too loving, is um too loving, like some dudes really love.
Speaker 1Yeah, no thanks, that's a good question. It's question.
Speaker 3I'll tell you this Too loving is, you stop respecting yourself and you give everything to that person. Yeah, you give everything to that person. Fuck you, fuck your hopes and dreams, fuck your adventures, fuck everything, fuck your insecurities, everything. You give everything you have to that person because you love them, and that, for me, was a trauma response and that that's what I did, and that person took advantage of it, because I don't think they knew any better.
Speaker 1I'm gonna say that don't give them an excuse I'm not giving them an excuse.
Speaker 3I'm not trying to give them an excuse, but psychologically, now that I'm in therapy, I'm looking at it To them. I'm getting what I want. I'm getting the love that I never had, but I want it's selfish.
Speaker 1In my opinion, that's not how it's articulated in the mind, maybe off the first time, the first time when it comes to breaking the ice, to going into that avenue, when it's like, okay, I don't feel validated, I'm going to go out and find it that first time. Yes, that's the first and last time of you having the justification Okay, I'm doing this for me. After that it's a habit, after that it's a pattern.
Speaker 3That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying At that point, it's you.
Speaker 1That's the addiction.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's you, it's no more about.
Speaker 1Oh, I have this void and everything like that.
Speaker 3And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1For somebody cheating.
Speaker 3It has nothing to do with you and everything everything to do with them, of course, because at that point that's where it lies, that's true. I mean it lies, I mean it may have an um, of course. Oh, hey, I'm not putting out.
Speaker 1But why am I putting?
Speaker 2out yeah, but why am I not fucking you?
Speaker 3why? Why, why so? Are we communicating? Are we talking about the fact that we're not having sex? Are are you being vulnerable and I am I being vulnerable?
Speaker 2yeah, tough questions it's.
Speaker 3It takes two to tango.
Speaker 2It takes two to tango true, because you can't just expect you to be down the fuck when you guys are in a bad spot. So with that you'll have bad sex and result. Let's be honest.
Speaker 1So with that, investigation, right, depending on whatever answer that you get. Like oh, I'm just not into you, or whatever. Like right, let's say it's because of like some tattoos or some shit. Right, does a guy get tattoos?
Speaker 3No, that's when you leave them and you get with somebody that doesn't have tattoos. That's what I. It takes, communication it takes vulnerability.
Speaker 1Honest communication, because sometimes, men or women, they're going to tell you the stuff that they think you need to hear, but the stuff that you really need to hear they don't tell you.
Speaker 3Can I tell you something? I'm going to be vulnerable again.
Speaker 2Do it please.
Speaker 3I was dating a 42-year-old man because I like older men.
Speaker 2I've always liked older men More mature.
Speaker 1Yeah, more mature.
Speaker 3You have your reason for it, but I've learned that older men can still be very immature, because they don't know how to communicate.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3So we were dating for like a month and a half and it was going great. Like I didn't want to date, I didn't want to go out with anybody. His father told me about his son and then he was like you're a really good woman, my son needs a good woman. And I was just like no, I don't want to take care of anybody. He's just like no, no, no, come on. He was very persistent, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3Because he saw that I cooked the kids pancakes and like I would make the kids like breakfast and stuff like that. So he had kids like it?
Speaker 2no, well it was his son. Okay, it was his son, so he was just like oh, his son, yeah, okay he was like my son needs a good woman and you're a good woman like to be their mother almost yeah, well, no, not a mother, but just like a good woman.
Speaker 3And I'm just like no, I'm not trying to fucking take care of anybody or anybody's kids, even though I love kids.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3But OK, so I went out with him. It went great for like a month. It was super good. He was 42. So it was like a 12 year different.
Speaker 1I'm 30. He's 42.
Speaker 3So 12 years difference. And it was great. It went amazing. And then out of nowhere he changed up. Out of nowhere. It was like from one day to another he changed up and I didn't know why. I tried communicating with him so I went on a whole ass date with him. He was acting weird. Then when we went back home to his house, he was still acting weird.
Speaker 1Acting weird. In what way Acting?
Speaker 3weird like okay, guy was like becoming so affectionate towards me so like, like it's not weird, no, no no, I loved it. He was being more affectionate than than before like he was like oh yeah, like let's go, okay, okay.
Speaker 1like, for example I can get into you yeah.
Speaker 3I knew his dad and I was like but his dad retired, he was a substitute teacher. So I was like, hey, like I miss your dad, but I get why he's not working anymore, because the tax, blah, blah. He's like, well, let's go visit them. And I'm like, visit who? And he was like whole shift and he was being more affectionate, holding me, more kissy, more everything. I mean you guys know how it is.
Speaker 1I don't want to, of course, when you're in. Was that weird for you?
Speaker 3no, I, I loved it.
Speaker 1Okay. So when did it start turning towards like okay, well, I went to go okay.
Speaker 3Mind you, I was dealing with my grandma's funeral. My grandma's funeral was on a Friday and I had that Tuesday off. So I was just like, okay, I need to get away from my family, because it was really hard. I was planning the funeral, I was planning everything. It was becoming really, really hard. And he knew that I had told him all that. So I went to go see him on that Tuesday because I said, hey, I only have Tuesday off, let's hang out. And then he was yawning, he seemed bored, Wow, and everything like. And then he hadn't done that before at all At all.
Speaker 1Does he work a long job? Uh, he was on spring break, he's a teacher I see, yeah, so he was on spring break was it the last day of, like the start of spring? No, it was like it was the second day of spring break, so he had a rest the whole time I'm not really.
Speaker 3I'm not trying to call anybody out, I'm really not, I'm just saying it was it was weird, yeah, he had. We like there was never a conversation that went dry with us. We were very vulnerable. We were very like talking. I told him about my grandma. He told me about how he recently started going to therapy. We had deep conversations. He had a bad divorce. He had three children. Like he had three girls like we.
Speaker 3We talked like it wasn't like superficial, it wasn't like oh, let's just fuck um, like no, it was deep conversations and then out of nowhere it went weird and I called him out on it and like we went to dinner and then I was like he's acting weird and he seems bored how was he acting weird? Like acting weird, as in in not talking, like it was like awkward pauses.
Speaker 2Yeah, and it felt one-sided.
Speaker 1What were you guys talking about?
Speaker 3Well, okay, so before then it was just really good conversation, like school work, like he was a teacher, I was a paraeducator, so we never had nothing to talk about the conversation flowed.
Speaker 1Did they ever shift to something else?
Speaker 3no, no, I mean we, yeah, we shift to therapy and like shift to like how he had stopped therapy. But then he went back, and then he was going back to the gym and then I would send him pictures of me at the gym and he was just like, yeah, you're motivating me so like on that day, what did you guys talk about? Nothing, I was literally. The conversation was so hard dull.
Speaker 1Okay, it was so dull the day before. What did you guys talk about?
Speaker 3there was no day before it was um that it was so okay so the last time that y'all met or y'all spoke to each other, what did y'all talk about? My grandma, his kids, how he's handling life, how he's handling work, how he's handling therapy? Like I said, he was being so affectionate and he wanted me to go over his parents' house and meet his mom and stuff like that.
Speaker 2That's a big deal. I see why you're confused. Now, I'd be fucking confused too, and he was being so much more affectionate he was kissing me more.
Speaker 3He was holding me more, holding my hand more. I mean, you know how it goes.
Speaker 2Yeah, of course, when you're really feeling somebody.
Speaker 3You know what you do right.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, no, no Right.
Speaker 3Like when you're feeling a girl, and it was just like the next day it was just like completely pulled back, and I was just like no.
Speaker 2What the fuck's going on here? Like what's going on, and I confronted him. I called him up, but not in a bad way.
Speaker 3I literally said hey, did something happen, are you? Okay, like are your kids? Okay, what's?
Speaker 2going on with you.
Speaker 3Like is your ex-wife? Okay, Mind you, his ex-wife. He divorced her four years ago, but it was a really, really bad divorce.
Speaker 2I see.
Speaker 3So I don't know. To me, all I got from it is that he was very emotional, available, but I wanted something casual. We never had talked about it. I was going to talk to him about it because my grandma passed away in March which is when I was seeing him.
Speaker 2So my therapist was like, okay, when you get the chance, talk to him about it after the funeral, after everything of course but he started acting weird before then, so I was just like I'm not gonna put his business out there, but he can relate to a situation where furious had a difficult situation having him in his life and he had a female in that position. That didn't really show what she just said, or his therapist advised her. You know he just went through a loss.
Speaker 1Right A funeral.
Speaker 2You see what I'm saying. Wait, let him process it and then talk to him. See, that was brilliant.
Speaker 3Well, that's what my therapist told me. He dealt with someone that didn't do that. Remember that, chris? Yeah, my therapist was like hey, just give it a minute. Hey, just give it a minute.
Speaker 2But he started acting weird before I even was able to have that kind of conversation Before you could even talk with him. But you gave him the space, though.
Speaker 3Oh, I gave him the space. Oh of course I was just like, hey, he gave me a little bit of an attitude. He was just like I'm just trying to look for a movie Because he thought he was going to get late that night. He really thought he was gonna get late because he took me to dinner even though he was acting weird.
Speaker 3So it was completely weird and even though he wasn't trying to like, like, keep the conversation going. I'm sorry, but as a person, you know when somebody's being weird, of course, like you know when somebody's losing interest right, you feel it so that's what it was. He was losing interest, but be Be like hey, you know what? Because he brought up my age twice, because he was 42 and I'm 30.
Speaker 2What's that got to do with anything?
Speaker 3Well, he brought up my age twice.
Speaker 2It's a plus, bro, that she's willing to be with you when you're older than her. I'm just saying I don't know, but maybe he didn't view it as that, maybe he didn't view it as that way.
Speaker 3So I was just like hey, like are you sure you're okay? Blah, blah, blah. And he didn't give me that, like he wasn't honest. So I was like, okay, well, you don't want to, I'm just going to get going.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I'm bye Because you felt awkward yeah.
Speaker 3I left. I left and and that was in March.
Speaker 2Like end of March.
Speaker 3So obviously something was going on so obviously something was up, because it's what May.
Speaker 1And. I haven't heard from him since I will say one nuance about us dudes is just like sex is always on the table. Yep, of course.
Speaker 2Anytime you meet with us.
Speaker 1Like any date, it's like okay, like if we can get it. Okay. You know what I'm saying. It's any date, it's like okay, like if we can get it. Okay. You know I'm saying it's not like you know, it's just yeah, no for sure he was probably using me, and that's fine, because I'm not saying he's using no, it was well, it was casual for me too. Yeah, I'm just saying that, you know, it's in his, in our heads it's like, okay, like if it happens, it happens, you know, I'm saying it's not where it's.
Speaker 3It's not, it's not necessarily expected, but we're not going to turn it down yeah, I mean so it just depends yeah, I mean it's all good, like there's no bad blood, obviously, but, um, like that was my experience after dating, after like six years, like six, no, well, six years, and then I stayed. I stayed single that whole year, so seven years, technically seven years without talking to somebody new or anything like that. So it's just like do I really want to date, do I really want to do this? And I'm good, I'm, I'm like solid being single, like right now you're good, oh fuck, yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 3It's not even funny, how good I solid being single Like right now you're good, oh fuck. Yeah, I think it's not even funny how good I'm being single.
Speaker 1Just focus on, you know, healing. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3I know you say you're already healed, but I think sometimes it takes a long time to heal.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, for sure you know what I'm saying, because it's like, for sure.
Speaker 3I think, like this person put me off, like I was just like if he's as funny as you are, if he's as cool as you are, then let's do it. But no, dude, I'm fine To me at this point.
Speaker 1Wait, so his father was funnier than his son.
Speaker 3His father was funny.
Speaker 1That means so you're into older guys.
Speaker 3I'm into older guys.
Speaker 1Well, I told him that no, I told him.
Speaker 3Well, I wasn't into his father no, I know that.
Speaker 1But I'm saying like the energy, like you like, no, I like the maturity.
Speaker 3Oh heck yeah, I've always liked older guys, but I was never like I felt like. When I was younger I was like I can't attract that because I'm little. But like now I'm just like oh no, I want an older guy, right, yeah, because they've been through life.
Speaker 1But yeah, and I'm not like that. Like older men know, of course, yeah know what they want because they've already been through it. So it's like men are more logical when it comes to like that type of stuff. Like no dude wants to repeat a mistake most dudes, I'm not saying no, most dudes, not this guy yeah, they don't want to. You know, do the same mistake twice. You know, I'm saying they want to have them saying they make their mistakes.
Speaker 3Yeah, and they're like okay yeah you know, on and forward yeah, but I learned that like, um, no matter how old you are, you could still be mentally mature, immature.
Speaker 3Hell yeah, heck yeah like I dated a guy four years younger than me and then this is what happened. And then I dated a guy 12 years older than me and then he still doesn't know how to communicate. Because I called him out I said, hey, what's going on? Well, can we talk like did something happen? He's like no, no, no, no. I'm like okay. And then I left and then he clearly like ghosted me pretty much and like he didn't have to because it was nothing serious.
Speaker 1So clearly something was going on it could be as little as him, just not knowing how to communicate. Because you don't want to always go to that something's happening, just because you just never know. Some dudes just get ahead of themselves.
Speaker 3I'm just thinking he was really hurt in his past and he doesn't.
Speaker 1That's possible.
Speaker 3Or he doesn't know how to communicate. It's fine.
Healing and Final Thoughts
Speaker 1It's possible, but it's like at that age or he saw me as too little.
Speaker 3He saw me like I looked too young.
Speaker 2Yeah, but he knew that from the start though. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry, but he dated me for a month and a half yeah.
Speaker 3So he knew what I look like. So why call me out and saying like oh yeah, I like how you look. You look really pretty. You look 18. He's a high school teacher. That's a weird comment, right, yeah?
Speaker 2yeah, a little bit, yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, when you put it that way, he was like you look like you're 18 and I'm just like what the fuck?
Speaker 3why would you make that comment, bro? I'm like, excuse me, but that's not a compliment. No, um you're a high school teacher, so I'm not. I didn't take it as pedophily or anything like that, but I was just like, why would you say that?
Speaker 2that's's true.
Speaker 3Unnecessary comment Either you're projecting or you feel like I look too young so you can't continue this relationship. But if you can't, just be honest, Just fucking say it for what it is. Just say hey, this isn't working out. It was nice to meet you. Bye. At least give me some type of closure, and then I would have been like this Great meeting you, she you some type of closure, and then I would have been like this Great meeting you. She's saying at least closure, goodbye.
Speaker 1The thing is like some dudes, they don't want to, they know what they got, you know, and it's like why would I want to be like that?
Speaker 2Sorry For Jess. Some people are just like that. That's just how it is, naturally. You know what?
Speaker 1I'm saying, yeah, naturally, yeah, yeah, with, with, with women too, like, okay, like, this guy has everything, but this, it's not worth just throwing it away. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And and and it's fucked up, but that's that's, that's the, that's the duplicity when it comes to relationships. Right, people are just. They're not.
Speaker 3They're mostly transparent, but not all the way oh yeah, for sure he wasn't transparent at all I think I think what he was good at was being like let's have sex, let's go out and then let's kind of hang out. But when it came to the emotional aspect of it, I don't think he knew how to handle that. I don't think so either. Yeah, but because he was so hurt, and that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 2Well, if that's the case, then be real about it, at least up front. No, but it's okay, okay. Well, if that's the case, then be real about it at least up front no, but it's okay.
Speaker 3But that's when you learn your self-worth and that's when you walk away and you say, hey, it was bye, it was fun, but cool. This was great, but bye.
Speaker 1You're dealing with a. The reason why it's like that, I think, is because it's literally like a market. It's like a stock market. You know what I'm saying? People got their investment.
Speaker 2That's the way to put it. No, it's true. I feel you.
Speaker 1It might do this one day. I think that's the mentality sometimes.
Speaker 2Yeah, and then sometimes it doesn't pan out the way they think I mean you guys are men.
Speaker 3What do you?
Speaker 2think, Because why do people Okay?
Speaker 3hold on, you're 42. He's like damn, I got hated. Hold on, hold on, you're 42.
Speaker 2I didn't use my life. You meet a 30-year-old.
Speaker 3I'm 30. You meet me right now. What do you think? Like we had great conversations, like we talked deeply, as in, like therapy, therapy, as in children, I ask, I always ask him about his kids, are they okay?
Speaker 1blah, blah, what do you want out of life? What do you want out of life? As a 30 year old woman.
Speaker 3What do you want out of life as a 42 year old?
Speaker 1wouldn't you?
Speaker 2say that wouldn't, wouldn't wouldn't you be able? To communicate, it does go both ways. But what I'm saying like it does go both ways if I does go both ways, if I'm saying I want a family, let's say I already have three kids, but wouldn't you put that out there to begin with?
Speaker 1I mean you should.
Speaker 3You should right.
Speaker 1You should, but not everyone does. But there's reasons to that. You know what I'm saying, not that they're relevant or not, but some people will, some people won't. But I think ideally, relevant or not, but you know, some people will, some people won't, right? But, and I think I ideally the person should put it out there like hey, like I want to have a family, like, let's say, I already have three or four kids, right, I still want to have more right I don't mind having starting a new family and growing my family, right, so there can be that too.
Speaker 1But you have some people now where there's there's the norm, right, there's what is, and then there's their, then there's the norm, right, there's what is, and then there's their perception, and sometimes they can't break out of that shit. They want to have this, but they want to have this too. They want to have bits of this but bits of this. They don't want to have both together, they want to just I don't know what about you.
Speaker 3It's kind of fucked up. You're 42, you're single, you have your two little girls and you're single. You divorced or you're not with.
Speaker 2Shelby anymore.
Speaker 3Didn't work out either, okay, and then you're 42 and you're dating a 30-year-old who is talking to you like how I'm talking to you. What do you think?
Speaker 2I think, because I think, since women mature faster than men, I think I could find a 30-year-old that would be accepting of that situation. If I give her, if I reciprocate what she's giving me, I don't think that that's a tough market to find that in.
Speaker 3Would it be hard for you to?
Speaker 2communicate Like be vulnerable. If you were that hurt, like Shelby fucking left you for another man.
Speaker 3Wait, hold, hold on would it be difficult for me to communicate that? Yeah, no not communicate that just no, just to forget that it's four years later. You've forgiven her blah blah. Would you be able to have another relationship like a stable relationship with somebody else?
Speaker 2I'm man stable, I don't know, that's tough to say, really right, that would be hard right.
Speaker 3I mean it would be hard it would be hard for you to trust somebody again what I'm trying to like come across is I think it would be hard for anybody to be vulnerable again I think, it'd be hard for anybody to open up again I'll say it'll be hard for most people because of the trauma that you're dealing with exactly because I see what you're driving home to julie I get it.
Speaker 1I see what you're saying, that that would make it more difficult absolutely I'm not, but you're talking about that when you're being betrayed, though, right?
Speaker 3no in that scenario. No, no, I'm saying dating somebody again after that betrayal.
Speaker 1So well, yeah, but but the trauma is a betrayal, right? So, of course, after a betrayal, you're more sensitive to just things that can lead to that. So, of course, outings with friends, you're going somewhere by yourself. Where the fuck are you going? Well, where are you, you know? I'm saying like that's, that's a trauma response. Right, that's a trauma for sure, if you're not over that right, or if you if you're not, if you don't accept.
Speaker 3What I'm trying to say is I don't blame him for acting like that, even four years after his divorce.
Speaker 1Why not?
Speaker 3Because it takes some people a lot longer to heal.
Speaker 1Look, I'm not saying that could be it, but I'm not saying it justifies you ghosting me.
Speaker 3I'm saying it doesn't justify it.
Speaker 1It doesn't to you right With respect to you as an individual. It shouldn't necessarily apply With the individual that actually betrayed them. It should apply. If you're getting back with them you already betrayed me.
Speaker 3I don't trust you right.
Speaker 1Saying one for all is kind of dumb, right? Oh, you did it, so that means that you're going to do it. Objectively. You can say, yes, if someone does it, someone else can do it. Right, okay, it's like oh, how they treat them, they're going to treat you, but that's not always the case, Right?
Speaker 1It's not always the case, because people are different, right, so you can't just do one. Everyone has a specific, not everyone's the same. Yes, you had this trauma with this person, but it doesn't mean that this person's going to have the same thing.
Speaker 3True? Yeah, it doesn't mean that, but this is what I'm saying. If you're not ready to date, then don't date.
Speaker 2Don't? You did kind of say that.
Speaker 1But the thing is, people still want to have, people still want to have sex?
Speaker 2Of course they do. I'm so glad he said that. I'm so glad you said that, Because I want to ask you this what is a woman?
Speaker 3You said you're different from most right, I wanted, no, I wanted to casually date somebody, meaning I just wanted to casually fuck To casually fuck, yeah.
Speaker 2So why didn't you? So why didn't you yeah?
Speaker 3That's what we were doing.
Speaker 2So what happened? That's what I'm saying. No, actually, to be fair. No, no, she's not. We didn't know all that Hold on, hold on. We didn't know that we were casually dating. You're fucking yeah.
Speaker 3We were casually going out on dates and having sex and then we to me. We both understood this and then he got weird.
Speaker 2Okay, see no, but she's got a point. I see what you're saying. Think we both understood this. And then he got weird. Okay, see no.
Speaker 1but she's got a point, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2Think about it. How did he get? Weird, though, I'll tell you no, she said it, no, she said it already.
Speaker 1I thought it was weird. No, no, no, she said it. She did Think about it.
Speaker 3The family, meeting the parents.
Speaker 2You probably thought, I thought we were just having sex and having fun.
Speaker 1We didn't know that it was casual at first.
Speaker 3That's fair, for me it was casual, but like. I said it was both casual.
Speaker 2How did he come into it?
Speaker 3I'm sorry. He wanted to fuck me on the first date.
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 1I said no and I said no.
Speaker 3I said no because I'm sorry, no, we're not going to have sex on the first date. So second, third, fourth, so I knew he wanted to fuck me on the first date, but that didn't happen. So, then there was a second date, and then that didn't happen. And there was the third date where he invited me over to his house and he made me drinks and he knew I'm telling you, he knew what he wanted.
Speaker 2Okay, he knew it would happen. Okay, okay, most guys know, if I get her bro and she's feeling me like I know she's feeling me and we get some drinks in us, it's happening and I knew what I wanted.
Speaker 3So we had sex.
Speaker 2Of course we did it Because you wanted to. You're human. You wanted some release, exactly.
Speaker 3And then we hung out again, and then we did it, and then we hung out again.
Speaker 2And we did it.
Speaker 3My therapist was the one that said, hey, after, because unfortunately my grandma passed away during this time, right, so he knew I was already going through it. So he was just like, okay, after your gram, after all the funeral aspects of it, because he knew I was taking care of everything. He knew I was like, you know, doing all of the arrangements. He was just like then you have that conversation with him and I was like, okay, cool. But he started acting weird before that conversation came up to it.
Speaker 3I see so he took me out to third place in lancaster and then we hung out and we were drinking drinks and he was acting so fucking weird like weird as in quiet. Weird as in yawning. Weird as in he seemed bored. Weird as in he didn't want to fucking be there. Weird. And I told him I was like if you're too tired we could have rescheduled and he was on spring break. It was his spring break. He's a teacher. It was his spring break.
Speaker 2And you felt it too, and I felt it.
Speaker 3I'm not dumb with energy I feel it.
Speaker 1I feel it Like.
Speaker 3I pick up whether you want to talk to me or whether you want to hang out with me, or not? Like right now you're on your phone, I'm just checking the time.
Speaker 1I always check the time.
Speaker 2You don't want to be here anymore. I get it.
Speaker 3I mean low-key.
Speaker 1I'm already past my time. No exactly, I feel it, do you?
Speaker 3understand what I'm saying. I feel that. So I called him out on it and he was just like no, nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong, nothing. And I was just like, are you sure, are you sure? And he was just like he got a little sassy with me. I was like, okay, well, goodbye. I was like, oh, you know what I'm gonna? Get going and then I left and never heard from him again. Wow, so there you go since that day.
Speaker 2Listen to that, yes, listen to that energy listen to it. Listen to it, respect it and be aware of what's going on. I agree, I see what she's saying. Now, look, I'm gonna say cause this is. This is going on great right now, as much as I don't want to end it, I know he's got to take off, so we'll wrap the episode, guys, when we will do a part two. I know, julia, would you be down to come back? Yeah, don't blame me, keep it going. No, we're not blaming you.
Speaker 3Keep it going. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 2Don't blame me, I got to go, no we're not blaming you okay yeah, so let's fucking go alright, let's go alright.
Speaker 2So before we wrap this up, I'll wrap it up. I end it with this guys, we'll have a part two. We'll definitely have Julia come back, maybe for this topic or something different. We'll discuss it beforehand, as always, we hope you guys were able to learn from what we talked about. What was there. She's excited to see you, by the way. She loves you anyway. Before we go though, furious, what do you want to leave the listeners and the audience with the viewers? Go ahead and put your two cents in there real quick.
Speaker 1What's done in the dark will come to light.
Speaker 3Boom, baby Boom. Sorry that was so loud. She seconds it bro.
Speaker 2I'm so sorry. Nah, she feels bro.
Speaker 3She's recovering from cheating, bro, so come on now, she knows. It did ease case, did his case we didn't get to cover that doing, the dark comes to light diddy amen and you know what beauty of that too.
Speaker 2Julia, what would you like to come back for that episode? We're going to discuss that in your future. That means, yes, she'll be back. Guys, for the, for the discussion.
Speaker 3That's what that means she'll be back to discuss the diddy case, but to give us a female's perspective on it.
Speaker 2I would like that honestly can you commit to that?
Speaker 3he's a dirty son of a bitch yes, he is, and he was cocky and he was rich and he got away with way too fucking much because he had way. He had, yes, men around him, of course, but you know what.
Speaker 2We'll dive into a different episode. She's right, guys, we'll dive into that deeper, in another day, another episode, but for now, this was today's episode. Man, thank you, julia, for sharing with us what you did. It means a lot to us. We appreciate your time. And, obviously, what you did, it means a lot, we appreciate it. You know what I mean. Keep it up. You want the horns girl? I keep it up, I'll give you. I'll give you. You want the horns girl? I got you the horns. You don't think I had the horns? Huh, no, I know you did. Okay then, so I need to show you the love girl. Yeah, alright, but real quick. Before you go, though, do you want to leave the audience and listeners and viewers with and you want to say quick little advice, tidbit, go ahead. You got the floor, know your?
Speaker 3worth and listeners and viewers with, and you want to say quick little advice tidbit, go ahead, you got the floor. Know your worth If you feel something is off when you're in a relationship with somebody. Know your worth A hundred percent of the time your intuition is right. So listen to it, remember it, listen to it and value yourself, because nobody else is going to show up for you but you.
Speaker 2Amen.
Speaker 3There you go.
Speaker 2I like that, all right. Well again, thank you, julia. It's been timeless talk. Guys, you know where to find us on the platforms. Everything you can listen to, everything you can view YouTube, spotify, apple Music. It's all there, you guys. Iheart Radio. Thank you guys, it's been timeless talk. We'll see you guys next week. Julia, we'll be back in the future. God bless you guys. Subscribe like share, please. We'll see you guys next week. All right, take care. Outro Music.
