Andrea: Placenta Accreta, High-Risk Pregnancy, Surgical Recovery, and the Triumph of Postpartum Healing

When faced with a rare and life-threatening pregnancy condition, the strength and resilience of a mother are put to the ultimate test. Andrea, a mother of four from Michigan, bravely shares the emotional odyssey of her bout with placenta accreta in our latest episode. Her narrative unravels the layers of maternal advocacy, specialized care, and the seldom-discussed nuances of postpartum healing, providing a beacon of hope and support for mothers walking a similar path.

Join us as Andrea recounts the tumultuous journey, from the initial diagnosis to the complexities of managing a high-risk pregnancy with three children in tow. Her candid reflection on the emotional and logistical battles she faced underscores the necessity of a strong support system and the importance of empowering women to be proactive in their healthcare decisions.

In bearing her soul about the aftermath of her traumatic childbirth, Andrea's experience takes center stage. The discussion traverses the physical aftermath, including her recovery from a fistula and multiple surgeries, and the mental fortitude required to navigate the psychological impacts of such an ordeal. Her candidness about the struggle to bond with her newborn, the importance of therapy, and the gradual reclamation of joy and gratitude in her life as a mother offers solace and guidance to anyone grappling with the emotional fallout of a traumatic birth. This episode is more than a story; it's an intimate gathering around the shared experiences that unite us in the face of adversity.

Connect with Andrea on Instagram here.

We extend our deepest gratitude to Ergobaby, the sponsor of this episode. Their commitment to enhancing the parenting experience through thoughtful and ergonomic designs is truly commendable. Explore Ergobaby's range of products, designed to bring comfort and joy to every moment of your parenting journey. Thank you, Ergobaby, for supporting us and making this episode possible. Visit Ergobaby's website to discover the perfect blend of style, comfort, and functionality for you and your little one.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Have you ever heard of the birth complication placenta acreta? I hadn't either, until we had Andrea as a guest. We are Liz and Natalie, the host of the Golden Hour Birth podcast, and we are here supporting moms on their healing journey after a challenging birth experience and creating community through storytelling. This is the journey of Andrea, a mother of four from Michigan who faced unimaginable obstacles during her most recent pregnancy and childbirth. In this episode of the Golden Hour Birth podcast, we will be speaking with Andrea about her traumatic experience with placenta acreta, a rare and dangerous pregnancy complication where the placenta grows into the uterine wall and, in Andrea's case, grows through the uterine wall and into surrounding organs. Andrea's story highlights the importance of maternal advocacy, finding proper care and the complex mental health impacts of birth trauma. Hey there, incredible listeners. Before we dive into Andrea's story, I wanna take a moment to talk about something really special, ergo baby. You know, motherhood isn't just about the baby. It's about you, the woman, bringing life into this world. And when you're doing something that important, a lot of it comes down to feeling confident about being a good mom. And that's where ergo baby steps in. Instead of creating things to add a long list of baby things. Ergo baby makes products for the mothers who are using them the sensation of holding a newborn baby for the first time, bundling baby up into their crib for the night ahead, that first visit to the in-laws. With ergo baby, it's not just about functionality Using their products make you feel like the amazing caring mom you are. From baby carriers to high chairs, each ergo baby product is designed to embrace your nurturing side and enhance your motherhood journey. What I love most about ergo baby is their products are more than just items. They're a reminder that you're doing an incredible job. So, to all the women out there listening, if you're looking for products that resonate with your nurturing spirit, check out ergo baby, because motherhood is about you too. All right, let's dive into today's story. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and reminded that you're never alone in this journey.

Speaker 1: 2:12

The Golden Hour Birth Podcast A podcast about real birth stories and creating connections through our shared experiences. Childbirth isn't just about the child. It's about the person who gave birth, their lives, their wisdom and their empowerment. We're Liz and Natalie, the Golden Hour Birth Podcast, and we're here to laugh with you, cry with you and hold space for you. Welcome to the Golden Hour Birth Podcast. I am your co-host Liz, and I'm your co-host Natalie, and tonight we have Andrea from Michigan, a little town outside of Detroit, on to share her story, mainly with her fourth child. Thanks so much for coming on tonight, andrea.

Speaker 2: 2:56

Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 2:58

Yeah, if you wanna go ahead and share a little bit about you and your family.

Speaker 2: 3:02

Sure. So we are a family of six and we're in a suburb just outside of Detroit. My husband and I have been married for 13 years together for about 20. And we have our oldest, lexi, who's eight, our son Franco, who's six, lusha is three and a half, and our latest is Nico, and he's nine months.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Oh, so, sweet, Perfect. And two boys, two girls.

Speaker 2: 3:34

Two boys, two girls. Yeah, Love it.

Speaker 1: 3:38

So if you kind of just wanna share a little bit about your first three pregnancies and births and postpartum, and then we can go into Nico's, perfect.

Speaker 2: 3:47

So fortunately we got pregnant really easily the first time with Lexi. We had only tried for a couple of months. I had a really healthy pregnancy, no complication. I was about a week late when I delivered her, but I had a really easy delivery. She was a vaginal birth and I would say I had a successful postpartum journey with her. After Lexi I lost a baby. I had a miscarriage and of course that's devastating. But shortly thereafter I got pregnant again and that was Franco. He was breech so they recommended that he come via cesarean section. So of course I went with my doctor's recommendation and I didn't want to go through the process of having him turned. I had heard that it was painful and there was risk of going into labor. So I opted for the C-section they are 23 months apart and also had a really good postpartum journey with Franco. I stopped working after he was born and so I dedicated my time to the kids. And then, three years later, lucia came and I chose for a C-section for her, primarily due to scheduling circumstances. Just knowing that I had the two and preparing for her arrival, I wanted to make sure that we knew that we had backup with family members who were gonna care for the two, so I chose for a C-section for her.

Speaker 2: 5:41

Nico was a little bit of a surprise baby. I got pregnant with him, not this past April, but the April before, so April of 2022, and with him I was diagnosed with placenta acreta. So that was diagnosed at my 20-week anatomy scan. Prior to that, I had had no symptoms that indicated that anything was wrong. I had done genetic testing, which all came back good. So the acreta was discovered on the ultrasound at the anatomy scan and at the time I had never even heard of placenta acreta. So that was a little bit of a difficult doctor appointment because we were very uninformed in the moment as to what was going on.

Speaker 1: 6:53

Can you share a?

Speaker 2: 6:54

little bit with our listeners about what placenta acreta is.

Speaker 2: 6:58

Sure. So placenta acreta spectrum is a serious pregnancy complication where the placenta makes its way into the uterine wall. So there's actually three levels of severity. There's placenta acreta, where it essentially attaches itself to the uterine wall, placenta increta, where it attaches itself into the muscle of the uterine wall. And then there's placenta per creda, and that's where the placenta makes its way through the uterus and oftentimes attaches itself onto other organs. And so, of course my luck they were under the impression during that ultrasound that I was already a per creda, in that they could see the placenta made its way through my uterus and they were under the impression at the time that it was sitting on my bladder. So knowing right then and there, that I was already a pretty severe case was terrifying, as you can imagine.

Speaker 1: 8:18

Yeah, I can't believe that they can see that on an ultrasound.

Speaker 2: 8:24

So what's interesting about that, though, is that, statistically speaking, I think it's like 50%. This is in the United States. 50% of patients are never even diagnosed with placenta accreta. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1: 8:42

And.

Speaker 2: 8:42

I think there's a few factors that contribute to that. You know there is a lack of maternal medicine for a lot of the population. But also it's really difficult to diagnose on an ultrasound. It's hard to see. It's also really hard to see on an MRI and they don't the doctors don't truly know the level of severity of any accreta case until the time of surgery, because it's such a hard thing to diagnose.

Speaker 1: 9:23

Is it an automatic cesarean once they do diagnose it?

Speaker 2: 9:27

Absolutely, and the reason for that being that there's a significantly high risk for hemorrhaging during delivery.

Speaker 1: 9:39

That makes sense. Yeah, does it affect the function of the, not the uterus, the placenta?

Speaker 2: 9:48

No, it doesn't. It's so funny, though, because, like, I didn't even realize that that's something that was possible. So of course you worry, like will there be a lack of nutrition to the baby from the placenta because of it? But fortunately I didn't read anything to indicate that and I didn't have. I should say the baby didn't have any side effects from the accreta itself other than an early delivery.

Speaker 1: 10:24

What are some symptoms that people could be aware of of accreta?

Speaker 2: 10:33

So as a patient you really don't have many symptoms. There are a few factors in which you're more prone to an acreta. So the reason that the placenta attaches to the uterus is because of scar tissue from, say, previous C-sections. So I had had two previous C-section before I got pregnant with NECO and the placenta will attach itself to that scar tissue on your uterus, whereas otherwise there would be a protective layer preventing the placenta from doing that. Also, a risk factor is the more pregnancies you've had. Your age is a factor. I was 39 at the time, 38 at the time I got pregnant with him. And lastly, if you've had placenta previous, so if you have a low lying placenta, those are all risk factors of an acreta.

Speaker 1: 11:49

So once you had the 20 week ultrasound and they saw the acreta, how did you move forward and how did the OB visits go, and things like that.

Speaker 2: 12:02

So obviously it took a little bit of time for me to process what was going on. I could tell immediately the concern from first and foremost the ultrasound tech and from my doctor. She was panicked and that in turn made my husband and I really terrified. She made mention of whether or not it would be a viable pregnancy and urged us to get secondary testing, which was an MRI that week. So, and especially because it was already shown on the ultrasound that it had progressed so far that they thought it was sitting on top of my bladder. So that week I went to have an MRI which confirmed the acreta and that it had bladder invasion.

Speaker 2: 13:09

And then my question was is there anything that I can do to prevent anything from happening between now and time of delivery? Because you are then at high risk for hemorrhaging the further along you go into your pregnancy. So unfortunately there's that. Rest doesn't do anything.

Speaker 2: 13:36

I was told no longer to lift, not to push, a grocery cart, not to vacuum, so pretty much like all of my daily tasks as a mother went out the window and I had to rely heavily on family and friends to do all the things that I was used to doing on my own. And so I feel like I went through a lot of stages of grief at that point in time and then, once I went through like the confusion and the sadness and anger, I went right to work because I started doing research and I realized how serious it was and I was concerned about delivering out of the hospital that my OBs would deliver out of, just based on the things that I read as far as choosing a hospital that has acreta expertise. So I did meet with the hospital that I was scheduled to deliver out of and I had asked them how many of these surgeries do you do a year? And they said two or three. Oh, wow, and I quote, my doctor said we will never be a robust team, we just don't do enough of these.

Speaker 2: 15:16

And that was a major red flag for me because I knew that I wasn't gonna make it if these were the doctors who were doing my delivery. So I was actually put into contact with a girl, a friend of a friend, who had an acreta, and she recommended the University of Michigan, which is about 45 minutes from my house, and thankfully they have an acreta specialty team. This is all that they do and their surgeries take place every Wednesday. So they're doing three to four of these a month, and so I made an appointment to meet with their team and discovered, obviously, that they had a lot of experience in these surgeries and were really well-versed and had a really good outcome as far as babies and mothers after the surgeries, and so it was kind of a no-brainer for me at that point in time. I mean, I would have gone to Texas if that's where the team was. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:39

So I think I just I remember spending the rest of my time during pregnancy just praying and preparing myself for what was about to happen, but I never thought in a million years it would be as traumatic as it was.

Speaker 1: 17:10

So was that everything like scheduled? Did you guys plan for an early delivery?

Speaker 2: 17:17

Yes, so we plan to deliver at 35 weeks. Typically with these surgeries, they won't let you go past 35 weeks because the risk of hemorrhaging during pregnancy gets a lot higher.

Speaker 1: 17:38

Did they do ultrasounds like a lot more?

Speaker 2: 17:44

Yeah, I had a lot of testing done, a lot of ultrasounds, a lot of doctor's appointments, met with a lot of specialists and they really did an excellent job of preparing me for what they thought was going to go down in delivery.

Speaker 1: 18:00

Yeah, I'm just trying to picture like the anatomy because like, if it's attached to your bladder, then your uterine wall is still growing Right, but so is that where the hemorrhage would be if that were to happen.

Speaker 2: 18:21

Yeah, the hemorrhage comes from the placenta. So, and one of the things that they had said was, in the event that you do start bleeding vaginally during pregnancy, you have about an hour to get to the hospital.

Speaker 1: 18:40

Oh my God, Wow so yeah, it was terrifying.

Speaker 2: 18:44

Yeah, and you have a 45 minute drive 45 minute drive and three other kids at home. Yeah, true, the logistics weren't really on our side.

Speaker 1: 18:55

No, Did you ever have like I know that's kind of hard to like pinpoint? Did you ever have like bladder pains during pregnancy or any pain at all?

Speaker 2: 19:04

You know, I remember towards the very, very end, like the last maybe two weeks up until delivery, I had so much pressure which now makes sense because and I can get into it but when they did the delivery it was a lot more severe than what they had anticipated. But I did. I had a lot of pressure and just getting up to do little tasks were almost impossible. I was so uncomfortable but at the same time, like, had I not known I had an acreta, I would have just chalked that up to like. This is my fourth pregnancy. I'm almost 40. I'm tired. I have three other kids, so there wasn't anything like glaring as far as symptoms that I had. And everything that I've read and everyone I've talked to who's had this has said the same thing that there's really no indicator that anything's going wrong inside, even though a lot's going on inside, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:19

So when you got to the University of Michigan for like testing and such did they have more answers than your like 20 week anatomy scan.

Speaker 2: 20:32

So their ultrasound findings were similar to what the ultrasounds were at my previous OB, in that it was a percreta and that there was bladder involvement, but that was the extent of it.

Speaker 2: 20:52

And just during conversations with them, as I mentioned before, they were prepared for the worst, because with the critas you just don't know the level of severity until you get in there.

Speaker 2: 21:06

And I think a lot of the reasoning behind that is because the way that the placenta grows when it's going through your uterus and attaching itself to organs is it grows like cancer, so it has like tentacles, and so obviously we've all seen what our insides look like on an ultrasound. We don't know what we're looking at and it's hard for them to see. Also, and when you're in an ultrasound you're looking at the front side of what's happening and there's a lot of areas within the body that you're just not able to see properly. So true, but they were prepared, and they they're a hospital that has a heavy blood bank in preparation of massive hemorrhaging that takes place during these surgeries, and they had a device called the Roboa, where they insert a line into your femoral artery and then there's a balloon that inflates to prevent hemorrhaging, which is something that the other hospital didn't have, so they were prepared to use that on me, which they did, and so, although they didn't know exactly how much, it had progressed from 20 to 35 weeks they were ready for anything.

Speaker 1: 22:41

Yeah, go University of Michigan.

Speaker 2: 22:45

Wow, I'm telling you?

Speaker 1: 22:47

Yeah, I would have never known, you know. I know. So I'm interested to hear this birth story.

Speaker 2: 22:57

Yeah, so we went in on January 11. It was 35 weeks and I knew that they would put me under full anesthesia. The plan was to take baby out and then remove the placenta from the areas where it had attached and then complete a hysterectomy. Wow, because, as you can imagine, the placenta has made its way through the uterus. There's no way to remove it, they just remove your uterus. Yeah, so I was prepared for that. So I went in under full anesthesia. They took the baby out and when they got in there, the placenta was not sitting on my bladder. It had embedded itself into the back wall of my bladder, my cervix and my pelvic wall. Oh my God. So it was a mess. So baby came out. He was fine.

Speaker 2: 24:08

He went to the NICU, as most preemies go, and they went to work on me and I hemorrhaged and I lost my body's worth of blood twice over. So I received I believe it was 23 units of just red blood and a total of over 50 blood products. So I was obviously under full anesthesia and I was unaware of what was going on. But my poor family was in the waiting room and getting the updates on my surgery and that was pretty terrifying for everybody who was waiting and I really all I can say is I had so many people praying for me and by the grace of God, I was able to make it through that surgery.

Speaker 2: 25:18

I woke up in the ICU still intubated, which at that point in time I knew it had gone south because they had said, in the case that you hemorrhage severely, you will wake up in the ICU intubated. So I knew that it was severe. And then, once they pulled the tube out, they told me how much blood I had lost and that I was actually still open. They, because I bled so bad they could not finish the surgery that day, oh my God. So, and you know, I went into the first surgery that day, on January 11, so terrified that I wouldn't wake up. And then I woke up and knew how bad it was and then having to be told you're going back under. So the next day I went back under again so that they could finish. There was a piece of placenta I want to say they said the size of a quarter that they could not get off and it was still bleeding. So they were going in to make sure that that had resolved itself and to remove my fallopian tubes, which had still been left in at that point in time. So they did and everything looked good.

Speaker 2: 27:07

And then I woke up and that was Thursday and at that point in time I still hadn't seen my baby Because I was in the ICU.

Speaker 2: 27:20

And then I went under again and so I spent the rest of the day Thursday recovering from my second surgery and the mass of the amount of blood transfusion that I received. That in and of itself was a very difficult recovery. And then I was finally able on Friday the 13th so actually three full days after the delivery to get down to the NICU to see the baby, which didn't really last very long, as you can imagine, because I was exhausted and I was weak and I felt horrible and I was able to see him and it was a beautiful moment and not the moment that you, as a mother, think you're going to have when you have your baby, because I didn't get that with him. So that was really hard. And then I was under the impression that I was going to go home in a couple of days, but they were like you're not going anywhere. And then the following week I think it was a Tuesday I had a catheter in because of the bladder involvement and they wanted to take any pressure off my bladder.

Speaker 2: 28:58

So I knew I was going to have a catheter and at that time the expectation was that I was going to have it for, I want to say, two to three weeks. But I started bleeding so heavily that my catheter was filling up with bright red blood and I had clots like five inches long coming into my catheter. And that night I had never been in so much pain in my whole life. It felt like I had to urinate but nothing was happening. So they ended up having to irrigate my catheter I think it was seven times that night and that was so painful and unexpected.

Speaker 2: 29:53

And then the next day they said your bladder is under so much pressure from the surgery that we need to take you under again and put neftubes in your back. So those are kidney tubes that drain the urine out of your kidney before it reaches your bladder. Oh my God. So I went under for the third surgery, for the neftubes to be placed. So then here I'm laying in a bed and I have a catheter. It's coming out of my kidneys, a stomach that is from my pelvic bone up into my rib cage stapled. I had a stomach drain because I was still bleeding from my stomach slightly. I felt very defeated, yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:53

That is so much. Yeah, it was so much, yeah. How can you even get comfortable Like there's just, it's impossible, it really it really was the most uncomfortable I felt in my whole life.

Speaker 2: 31:10

Yeah, like just recovering from childbirth. In and of itself is a lot on your body. But then to have all these tubes coming out of everywhere and I had no energy. I was white as a ghost from the blood transfusion. I had no appetite. I remember my mom coming into the room at one point in time and asking me all these questions and how I was feeling and what did they say about this, and I couldn't even get words out of my mouth. The exhaustion was at a level where I couldn't even speak. So I ended up staying there at the University of Michigan for two full weeks Wow, and the baby was there for two weeks also. I was discharged one day before he was. So we actually- Was he okay in this he was.

Speaker 2: 32:12

Oh my gosh, he was such a fighter, he was so good, he was oxygen and a feeding tube because he was so sleepy from all the anesthesia that he could not finish a bottle on his own without falling asleep, so they put a feeding tube in him. So once he got to the point where he was taking a bottle on his own and he was breathing on his own, they said he was fine and he was over six pounds when he was born.

Speaker 1: 32:49

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 32:51

So I know and it was funny because my other kids were eight and nine pound babies, oh yeah. So to me I'm like this kid is so small and they said this is the biggest baby we have in the NICU right now. So, yeah, he did great, he did really well. So we went home after two weeks and I went home with all these tubes hanging out of me and three kids at home which, thankfully for family, they took them because it was impossible for me to care for them and my husband was caring for me and the baby. Yeah, did he stay at the hospital with you? He stayed at the hospital with me. Yep, and my in-laws had my three kids for two weeks and we did a lot of FaceTime and we had one in-person visit, which was a really emotional day for everybody. Yeah, we had to do a lot of work to cover up everything that was taking place with my body so that the kids didn't see all the tubes and all the scary stuff, and the staff did an incredible job preparing for that.

Speaker 2: 34:18

But, yeah, my husband stayed the whole time and took care of me and took care of the baby, and then we went home and a couple of weeks later I started leaking urine out of my vagina. But I had a catheter in at the time, so I knew something was wrong again and after further testing they discovered that I had developed a fistula, so my vaginal cuff had opened up from the surgery and my bladder had opened up from the surgery and they fused together.

Speaker 1: 35:08

Oh, my God.

Speaker 2: 35:11

So of course, the urine from the bladder was leaking out of my vagina. So I'm walking around with tubes in my back, a catheter, a stomach drain, and I'm leaking urine.

Speaker 1: 35:27

Oh my God, did you go back to the?

Speaker 2: 35:29

university, yeah. So I went back to the University of Michigan and they scheduled my fourth surgery to fix the fistula. So that was in April, because they had to wait three full months after my original surgeries took place and also they had to get a date for me just availability, like anyone has to wait for surgery date. So they did that surgery in April and that was lathroscopic but, ironically enough, more painful than all of the other surgeries that I had had. So I had another recovery on my hands and meanwhile I have this new baby at home. I can't lift him. I was having people bring him to me. I could barely get down my stairs. So, as you can imagine, my postpartum journey was and still is, from a mental perspective, a major challenge.

Speaker 1: 36:47

Yeah, that was literally this year.

Speaker 2: 36:51

Right, oh my God, yeah, he's nine months now, so yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:56

Gosh, I just can't imagine how helpless you felt and that you wanted to do stuff. I'm sure you pushed yourself, I did.

Speaker 2: 37:06

As we go, right? Yeah, helpless is a good word. There was never a time in my life where I felt like I couldn't make something happen, and this was me having to surrender and not say no to help from anybody, because I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it on my own.

Speaker 1: 37:34

Yeah, how long were you leaking urine and then until getting your fourth surgery?

Speaker 2: 37:49

Like over two months. Oh my gosh over two months.

Speaker 1: 37:55

It was horrible yeah. It was horrible. Like are you still like leading out of your vagina anymore? Like I know that you had that histerus. I say histerus because that's Histerus.

Speaker 2: 38:10

Histerus yeah, I wasn't bleeding anymore. I bled for maybe like two weeks after the initial surgery and hysterectomy, but no, no bleeding at that point in time.

Speaker 1: 38:31

And then do you like, when did the catheter and the tubes and all of that start to get better?

Speaker 2: 38:44

So the kidney tubes came out before the fourth surgery. Those came out in March because at that point I had already developed the fistula and they pretty much said they're just not doing anything anymore. So when those came out it was one of the greatest days of my life. And then the catheter. They did take the catheter out two weeks before the fistula surgery, but after the fistula surgery they put another one back in and so the fistula surgery was mid April and everything finally came out end of May.

Speaker 2: 39:41

So at the end of May I had the kidney tubes out, the stomach drain was out, the catheter was out, my stomach had finally closed up. It had taken about five months for my stomach to fully close because I had had my husband packing my stomach twice a day for five months at home. So my stomach had finally closed up and I was finally given the green light to kind of go back to daily activities, obviously at a minimum. But at that point I hadn't picked my youngest daughter, who had turned three at the time, up from September when I was diagnosed with the Acreta until end of May. So it wasn't until end of May that I was fully cleared for normal day to day tasks and no longer had anything coming out of my body as far as tubes go.

Speaker 1: 40:56

How are you feeling these days?

Speaker 2: 41:01

Basically I feel good. I have a lot of scars which really don't bother me. Obviously it's not ideal, but it saved my life and we got a baby out of it. You know, mentally it's a struggle. It's a struggle because it was really traumatic.

Speaker 2: 41:34

I felt like I was in this fight-or-flight stage for such a long time, from the diagnosis, even up until May just trying to power through and get through and just take it day by day. I just got to get through today. I just got to get through today and only up until recently have I really started reliving every part of the experience in my mind. It's a lot to process. So I'm in therapy and it's been beneficial, and I think it's going to be a long road because it's not something that many people can relate to. And you know I have my own internal struggles from during that period, one of which is immense guilt, ironically enough, because I felt like I had to take a back stage to my kids and I was no longer participating in their day-to-day life. I couldn't pack lunches, I couldn't brush hair, I couldn't give baths, I couldn't take them to school, I couldn't volunteer at school, I couldn't go on field trips and I was depressed. So I didn't want to be around anybody and I struggle with that feeling guilt for the things that I wasn't able to do.

Speaker 2: 43:30

Once I got home, and it was this weird feeling because I made it through the surgery.

Speaker 2: 43:40

So you think like, oh, you should be so grateful, you should be so appreciative that you're alive and that the baby made it. And you know a lot of people don't make it through these surgeries because of the hemorrhaging, and you were so lucky to have this incredible medical team behind you and I was. I was all of those things, but I was angry and I was sad and I was despondent and I had guilt and shame and I felt like everyone was doing everything for me. My husband took a lot of time off of work to be able to care for us, so I felt a lot of guilt associated with that, and so it's a lot to unpack and it's a lot to process and I'm motivated to get to the other side of everything and, you know, spread awareness on what placenta acreta is, and it's important for me to make sure that other women who go through really traumatic birth experiences know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes it's a really long dark tunnel, but there is a light at the end of it.

Speaker 1: 45:19

That's really important and have you made, like other, connections with people who have had birth trauma?

Speaker 2: 45:29

Yeah, I have. I was connected to an acreta support group and I've since pulled away a little bit from it just because I'm going through my own personal struggles and felt like it was a little triggering for me to hear people going through it again. So I have taken a step back right now, but it has been beneficial to be able to express feelings and emotions to other people who've been through it and who understand what a challenge it is as a mother.

Speaker 1: 46:12

Yeah, and, like you were saying, the people who were like, well, you should just be grateful or this or that and I feel like a lot of people that haven't experienced trauma or difficulties don't understand that duality of like well, I feel grateful, but I also feel angry, or whatever it is Right. That's. A big step in healing is to realize that it's okay to feel both.

Speaker 2: 46:45

Yeah, yeah, for sure, For sure. I think too there's a lot to take away from it as far as like relationships go, and you know it's surprising the people who step up and are there for you during these really traumatic times and definitely given a new perspective for me on friendship, but family and relationships and just what's a priority in life now.

Speaker 1: 47:30

Yeah, absolutely. You really find out who your support team is during those times.

Speaker 2: 47:39

And sometimes it's very surprising, really surprising. Yeah, I think I think you know when you've gone through something like that, that's really tough. You're better equipped to be supportive when someone else is going through a really hard time.

Speaker 1: 48:07

Yeah, I mean, you're a mom of four kids and you couldn't even do a normal day, you know, and so you really had. I like how you said like I had a surrender to the help, when normally like that's not how it goes, you know, because you're taking care of everybody and you had to just be like okay, I really need somebody to take care of me at this time. I mean, everything that you, your norm, was like taken away from you. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:38

Yeah, it was like I felt like I was in my own personal hell, even though I was surrounded by the people that I love the most. It was hard to explain, but it was almost like I was like having this carrot dangled in front of me, like here's the people you love, here's the people that love you, but you can't participate. But yeah, I did. I had to surrender and let everyone step in and take over my role as a mother and I'm eternally grateful for those people. Yeah, and it was a good lesson for me, even though it was very difficult to not be able to do those things. It was a good lesson in accepting help from people that I normally wouldn't accept help from.

Speaker 1: 49:31

Yeah, um, do you feel like it was harder to like bond with your son a little bit?

Speaker 2: 49:47

I think in the beginning I felt like that because we didn't have a lot of time together the first two weeks and the times that I was able to go see him were very short, not by choice, but because I was so ill. I feel like when we came home we were able to bond a lot more. But you know, it's funny because, like during pregnancy at least for me during my other three pregnancies I felt like I was bonding with them just in utero and felt like so connected and like so excited. And you know, with Nico I didn't buy clothes, I didn't start setting up like a nursery, I didn't like prepare until the very end because I was so worried that if something happened before we could get to delivery that I would be surrounded by his things. Yeah, oh my gosh. So like that was part of the lack of bond that I had with him. Like I almost didn't accept that he was coming until he was coming.

Speaker 2: 51:18

Yeah, I remember like my friend wanting to do maternity pictures and I just like couldn't bring myself to do it because I thought like again, if something happens, I don't want to be reminded. We did end up doing. Then I had a change of heart and I'm so grateful that I have those pictures. They're the most special pictures that I have of our family. So, but it was. It was hard to bond with him because I was afraid that we wouldn't get him. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 52:00

And that's already enough. Trauma, like, yeah, like, literally you're living for every day and trying to make it another day.

Speaker 2: 52:09

Yes, yeah, I remember like laying in bed at night with my other three kids and I would just lay there with them and pray and say in my head, not out loud my kids didn't know what was happening at the time I would just pray like please get me through this surgery, let me keep being a mother to them. I can't not come through the surgery, I don't want anyone else raising them. And that was trauma for me too, because that was something that I was going through on a daily basis, not wondering if I was going to wake up the next morning, not wondering. I was wondering if I would drop them off at school and start hemorrhaging and not even make it.

Speaker 1: 53:10

Yeah, I bet the like your goodbyes as you were going in for your surgery was just so hard.

Speaker 2: 53:24

They're ingrained in my memory forever. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 53:29

Those were tough days, yeah, really tough, really tough, and I didn't think I was going to be gone as long as I was. I told my kid I'll be back by Sunday and my daughter's birthday was Monday, so I missed her birthday and, yeah, it was a really emotional time for everybody. And my kid weren't aware specifically of what was going on. They knew that I had a complication and that I would have a different kind of surgery and have to stay in the hospital for a couple more days than I would normally stay after having a baby. But my oldest, who ate, she picked up on stuff and she knew and I think it was a little more difficult for her because she's older and a little bit more aware of what was going on.

Speaker 1: 54:43

Yeah, how did you have those conversations with her, or who did?

Speaker 2: 54:48

After the fact. Yeah, you know, I think that's a really good question. I think during the time that I was in the hospital, my mother in law probably had that conversation with her. Obviously, nothing was said about the hemorrhaging and the blood transfusion, just said you know, mommy had complications and they're taking really good care of her and it's just taking her longer to get better, which was probably very confusing for her my oldest because she wasn't getting the answers that I know she was looking for. She asks a lot of questions now and she's more aware of what happened. I don't think she'll ever know the full story until she's an adult. I don't want to put that burden on her, but I think we always try to bring it back to you know, everyone prayed really hard for mommy and I had a really good team of doctors behind me and Nico's here and I'm better and we focus on that as a family.

Speaker 1: 56:16

Yeah, wow, and it's supposed to be like the happiest time of your life, bringing home a new baby, and then you know you're literally fighting for your life, right?

Speaker 2: 56:33

Yeah, I think also too, it was hard because I had had three really successful pregnancies, three really successful deliveries, three successful postpartum journeys, and so I just didn't see this coming and I wasn't prepared yeah, it wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally for what was about to happen.

Speaker 2: 57:05

I think that's another thing that I'd like to see is a stronger support system for people like me who go through these really traumatic birth experiences. But knowing that you're going to go through it ahead of time and having a little bit more preparedness for how to handle it during and after yeah, that's what I was kind of thinking too.

Speaker 1: 57:37

Like you know, you had all of this time like 20 more weeks, 15, 20 more weeks of like okay, understanding that, like I have this diagnosis, this could be a really traumatic birth. Or you know, like going through your entire pregnancy and not knowing anything, and then you go to deliver and then you have like an AFE or something, I don't know. It's just like how right, what's better, nothing's better, but I don't know. You're just trying to like deal with that and maybe play devil's advocate a little bit. I don't know Right.

Speaker 2: 58:14

It's like, any way you slice it it's going to be difficult, but I would have loved to have had expertise as far as, like a therapist or you know someone in that profession profession to be able to like walk me through how to prepare myself mentally for a potentially really bad outcome.

Speaker 1: 58:49

Yeah, they should have, like I don't know, a therapist. Even like when you wake up from a surgery, especially for pregnant people, it's waking up from anesthesia is the most disorienting thing, yeah, Anyways. And when you are also worried about your baby and your body, it's just I can't even imagine.

Speaker 2: 59:23

Well, and also, to excuse me, all the anesthesia coupled with, like all of the medication that I had been given and like I had to have all these scans when I was in the hospital. I remember having to drink this like I don't even know what it was, was like some drink that was like tasted like metal, so that like they could see what was going on inside, it was like a dye. But you drink it like just all this stuff that they give you, like you're so foggy and like you don't even feel like yourself. I still feel like I have amnesia from, first and foremost, the trauma, but also like that many, many times that I was under anesthesia and like all the drugs and medications and everything that I had to take, it just like does a number on your, on your body, but also your mind, and I wasn't prepared for that. Either no one tells you like, oh, by the way, you're going to have side effects from everything you've been taking for the last, or been given the last five months.

Speaker 1: 1:00:47

Yeah, when did you start mental health therapy?

Speaker 2: 1:00:55

So I started seeing someone over the summer and after a few sessions I just didn't feel like we were getting very far. And after I stopped seeing her, I started having pretty severe anxiety severe to the point where I was becoming so nauseous that I was throwing up. And so at that point in time it was like this moment for me, like I need to find something more. This is just not enough. Talk therapy just not enough for me.

Speaker 2: 1:01:42

So after listening to another podcast, they were talking about EMDR therapy, and then I started talking to a couple of close friends and a woman in a parenting group that I'm in and everyone was saying, oh yeah, yeah, I know about that, my sister did that or I did that, and you know it really was. What did it for healing their trauma. So I was connected with someone in my area and I've had two sessions in the beginning of EMDR therapy and I have to say I've seen a handful of therapists in my life and this is the first time I actually feel like it's going to be successful for me. So I have a lot of hope and it's a good feeling to know that this type of therapy has been beneficial for other people who've gone through traumas, whether it be a birth trauma or just a life trauma, so I'm looking forward to continuing that process and turning a corner.

Speaker 1: 1:03:13

That's awesome. I'm really happy to hear that for you. I was going to suggest it honestly, if you said that you haven't done it, I was going to say that's what you should do, yeah yeah, heard such good things so I'm feeling positive about that. That's awesome. That makes my heart happy for you, thank you. Yeah, just after everything, 2023,. Let's just, let's call it I know we're done.

Speaker 2: 1:03:42

Yeah, bring on the new year, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:03:49

Well, thank you so much for sharing your story with us and just raising awareness to Acreta. You know, I just once I connected with you, I just Googled it and saw like oh, wow. But like hearing the story, oh my God, Like I never knew that it was like this Right.

Speaker 2: 1:04:09

Yeah, yeah, you're welcome and thank you for having me. It feels really good to be able to tell the story and, you know, I'm hoping that someone who hears this, who's going through a similar situation, can take away some of the things that I've said. As far as you know, being your own advocate and making sure that you do your research and that you're at a hospital that can handle your care and it's okay to do that. It's okay to vet out multiple hospitals to ensure that you're at the best place for you and your baby, and that, yeah, it can be a really tough road, but a lot of really good can come from it.

Speaker 1: 1:05:07

How can people connect with you?

Speaker 2: 1:05:12

So I am on social media. I have an Instagram. I think that's probably the best way to get ahold of me. I think you guys have it also, so if you want to link it, that would be fine.

Speaker 1: 1:05:29

Perfect. Yeah, thank you so much again and I'm just so happy that you're, you know, having a therapist and doing the work and just I don't know all around, like you just seem like you're really overcoming what you've gone through and I can just tell, like what a good mom you are.

Speaker 2: 1:05:55

Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. That means a lot to me. Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:06:01

Before we say bye, just want to give a heartfelt thank you to our episode sponsor, ergo Baby, for supporting the Golden Hour Birth podcast. Their dedication for providing comfort and safety for both parents and babies aligned seamlessly with our mission To our listeners. Check out Ergo Baby's innovative products for an exceptional journey into parenthood. Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Golden Hour Birth podcast. We hope you've enjoyed our discussion and found it insightful and beneficial. Remember, the Golden Hour Birth podcast is made possible by the support of listeners like you. If you appreciate the content we bring you each week, consider leaving us a review on your favorite podcast platform or sharing the show with your friends and family. Your support helps us reach more people and continue creating valuable episodes. If you have any questions, suggestions or topics you'd like us to cover in future episodes, we'd love to hear from you. You can reach us on our website, www. Goldenhourbirth podcast, or connect with us on social media. We value your feedback and want to make sure that we're delivering the content you want to hear.

Speaker 1: 1:07:11

Before we sign off, we'd like to express our gratitude to our incredible guests who joined us today. We are honored that they trust us enough to be so open and vulnerable. We're grateful for their time and willingness to share their stories with us. If you're interested in taking the conversation further with us, join us on our Facebook group, the Golden Hour Birth Circle. We'll be back next week with another exciting episode, so be sure to tune in. Until then, stay golden and remember to take care of yourself. We'll catch you on the next episode of the Golden Hour Birth podcast. Bye.