TTM #26 RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SELVES

#TTM EP. 26 - RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SELVES

Watch the intro to the episode HERE.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. How you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you think about yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is your relationship with your past self, your relationship with your present self, but also your relationship with your future self.

There is past focus and there’s future focus. And there’s present focus. But your present focus is where you choose your thoughts and you can choose thoughts from the past or thoughts from the future. If you are past-focused, you look to your past to define your future and who you are. When you look at your past to create your identity, you create more of the same. You keep recreating the same version of yourself. You keep creating the same life.

When you envision a future you haven’t yet done, you’re going to be doing things you’ve never done before, which will require you to grow and learn, and fail.

Your future is your property. Because, by definition, it hasn’t happened yet, it only exists in your mind. Therefore, to own your future, you must always make it bigger than your past.
 
In this episode, I explore the way to create meaningful change in your life – by thinking from the perspective of your future self, and how to be exactly who you want to be with whatever circumstance is present for you.

#TTM EP. 26 - RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SELVES // SELF ENQUIRY

• Write a letter from your present self to your past self.

What are the gifts that you are receiving right now from your past self? What do you want to thank yourself for?

• Write a letter from your present self to your future self.

What do you want to give as a gift to your future self now? Make a list.

• Write a letter from your future self to your present self.

Considering lessons from your past self what advice and guidance would you give yourself now? How can I create my future bigger than my past? How can I take care of my future self even more than my past self did it for me?

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:

Ep. 8 DREAM WITH DISCIPLINE
Ep. 9 BELIEVING ON PURPOSE
Ep. 11 YOUR STORY
Ep. 19 THE HOW
Ep. 20 LIVING YOUR PURPOSE

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Transcript

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. How you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you think about yourself. Some people think that paying attention to yourself and working on yourself is selfish and self-centered. A blind person cannot show the path to another blind person. It is the most important thing we can do in order to contribute to the world. We have to start with ourselves. Your relationship with yourself is your relationship with your past self, your relationship with your present self, but also your relationship with your future self.

Let's define what it is. Your past self is yourself that created the life you have right now. Think about what you think about your past self for creating the life that you're currently living. How is your relationship with your past self? And what is your story and your thoughts about your past? For deep dive on this topic, go back to Episode 11.

My past self made it possible for me to have the life I live right now. She went to school, she studied, she developed discipline in a lot of areas. She took care of herself, her health, her mind, her body, she created the job I have right now. She met people I have as friends today. I'm grateful for the classes she took, the books she read, the teachers she had, and the opportunities she took.

Think about your past self. What would you say to your past self? Think about yourself five years ago and the things that you were thinking about and the dreams you were having. If you could go back and have a conversation with yourself, what would you tell yourself? Maybe not to worry about something, not to doubt yourself, to take more opportunities, to listen more to your intuition, to trust yourself more. Those are the things that are helpful to know as we experience those emotions and obstacles in the future. Taking lessons from our past self as we create our future.

Your present self is you today having thoughts about your past and your future self. If you have an amazing relationship with yourself in all the time zones, let's say, you can create an amazing life for yourself.

Your future self is yourself five minutes from now, tomorrow, five years from now, 10 years from now, 25 years from now. When you think about your future self, you develop and establish a relationship with yourself in the future. When you think about your future, you're automatically thinking about you in it. If you're imagining your future, that future doesn't exist but in your mind. We all think about our future. When we think about our future we are thinking about ourselves. You have this relationship with yourself based on the thoughts that you think about yourself. How you think about yourself determines how you feel about yourself, and how you feel determines what you do.

One exercise I would recommend doing is writing a letter to your past self. Think about yourself five years ago, 10 years ago, what would the message be? And then think about your dream self, your future self five years from now, 10 years from now, where do you want to be? What do you want to create from that future self that has your dream job, lives where you want to live? Write a letter to your present self. What would you say? What advice would you give yourself considering those lessons from your past self? What guidance would you give yourself? You will see that you will receive more great advice from your own future self than anyone else.

Our mind likes to make decisions from the past. Why? Why do our brains automatically like to be past-focused? Because it's predictable and it's safe. And the brain's job is to learn how to be safe and how to survive. And then just repeat what we know and what is familiar and comfortable. We learn from our experience what works and what doesn't. And so the brain wants to go back and remember those things and make decisions based on what we already know. So what is it like to make a decision from your future? What does future-focus mean? What is it like to take advice from your future self? And what does it require of your brain? What is the skill that it requires of your brain? It requires imagination. Your imagination requires creativity. It asks you to live from your possibility. From your inspiration, from your future. Instead of living from what you have already done, you live from your possibility.

‘I can't do this because I have never done it before.’ How does anyone ever do anything new if it's based on only having done it before? So living from your past is very predictable and it's very safe. It's very comfortable. We know how to do it. It is very familiar and it makes us stagnate. Evolvement depends on us thinking new and inspiring thoughts. Recycling new thoughts is what our brain wants to do because it's easier, more efficient and feels safe and believable. But the future is a creation in our mind that requires creativity, fear, and possibility of failure. Remembering and repeating our past does not require as much of us as thinking from our future.

What would the you that has already achieved, that has already become, that is already where you want to be, how would you make these decisions?

Most of us think the way the world works is, we achieve that result and then we learn how to be that person that lives with that result. The easiest way to create any result is to become the person that creates that result, to identify in yourself the thought that would create the feeling, the action and that result. You don't wait for the result in order to identify that way. Spend time being future-focused, so you can start being that person you want to become now.

How you learn to be a future self is you start imagining as if you already had those things you want to accomplish. What would you be thinking? Start identifying as your future self and thinking about what advice would you get, but also how would you be thinking.

Think about where are you going. Where will you be in five years if you keep living this way? Where will you be in 10, 20, or 30 years? Are you on the path you need to be on? What can you change to put yourself on the path to achieving what you most want from your life?

It's not that we have to make a massive change in our current lives to create the future we desire. If you are on your way to where you want to go, that's great. But if you want to be somewhere different in 10 years, what are the steps and what can you start doing today? Where do you want to be living? What kind of work do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Once you become future-focused, you can start visualising your future self. Your future self is more accomplished than you are right now. Your future self is you just further along the path. Your future self is who you are without the struggle, with a sense of peace and fulfilment and accomplishment. Your future self is who you already are without the negative belief systems that hold you back.

Using your future self as a mentor is a great and useful tool to have. You can ask yourself what your future self would do in certain situations. You can borrow thoughts and feelings from your future self, so you can take actions now that ultimately will lead to the results you want to create in the future. By believing in your future self you believe in yourself.

Talking to yourself and accessing your own wisdom may seem weird and uncomfortable at first. It is a skill worth developing. All the guidance you will ever need is within you now, you can lead yourself to the right books and the right people, the right teachers to help you along your journey. But no one else has all the answers for you. There is no one that knows your dreams and the path you need to follow to achieve them. You are your own guide and your own wisdom, the infinite wisdom that flows through you at this very moment. Look at yourself at the bottom at the top and in between. Visualise your journey. You need also to anticipate the times when you will struggle and plan for them. Visualise your future self peaceful and supportive and insightful, knowing that each setback is a perfect part of this process.

How will you stay committed to your dreams when you find reasons to give up? You will do it by looking up and seeing your future self. You will do it by knowing in the deepest sense who you are and what is possible for you. And that no matter what happens you can and will have what it is you truly desire. Plan for greatness despite the circumstances and you will find it. And you will find your way and it's probably not the way that you think, so don't be so obsessed with the how. Your future is your property. You get to create any version you want of it in your mind and you can choose to believe it or not.

So many of us don't want to believe in our dreams because we have to understand the exact path to get there. Instead, pin it on the map, so you know where you are and where you're going without the knowing of how to get there. We have an idea of how to get there but we can only get there if we identify ourselves with our future self. For the exact process of the how go back to Episode 19.

Who is your future self? What has your future self accomplished and how is she or he different from you are now? And then you need to become that person now. And that's when you manifest the result.

How can I create my future bigger than my past? How can I take care of my future self even more than my past self did it for me? So what are the gifts that I can give to my future self today? The me of tomorrow, the me a week from now, than me a year from now, the me 10 years from now. And what if I think about her or him as more of a priority than me in this moment? We have to have enough discipline and emotional maturity to take care of ourselves in the future, to delay gratification for that future self. Think about what are the gifts that you're receiving right now from your past self. What do you want to thank yourself for? Thank your past self for exercising all those years, for not drinking, thank yourself for studying so hard, thank yourself for believing in yourself. So what do you want to thank yourself for? And the next question is what do you want to give as a gift to your future self now? What do you want your future self to receive and experience in the future?

So thinking about your future self is a skill that's most of us develop as we establish more maturity. So when you think about what are the gifts you want to give your future self and what do you need to do now to do that, a lot of them are unconscious. You're saving money, you're brushing your teeth, you're washing your clothes, you are preparing meals for tomorrow, you're going to bed early, you're studying. All those things that you're doing, you're doing for your future self. Now think about them on a bigger scale. What do you want to do for yourself a year from now? Five years from now, 10 years from now? What will you be grateful for? What gifts do you have to offer? What can I do now for myself emotionally that will serve me in the future? What can I do financially? What can I do for my business future self? What can I do for my personal future self?

The best gifts that you have to give your future self feel super boring now. It's creating discipline, planning, following your plan, showing up for yourself, doing things you do not want to do in the moment: Education, cold showers, working out, brushing your teeth, having a healthy and nourishing diet, planning your time, planning rest and recovery, following your calendar and delaying gratification. And all of that will create those gifts for your future self. All those things we do for ourselves is because we love ourselves in the future. And in the future, we will be delighted that we did all the boring things. One of the best ways of doing this is to think about your future self as someone you love and you care about.

What can I give as a gift to my future self now? And the longer ahead you think into the future, the more exciting and the bigger those gifts can be. Think about yourself 10 years from now. In 10 years from now my future self is going to be so grateful that I started thinking about my health today. Make a list of the gifts you want to give your future self.

I am the bridge right now between my past self and my future self. My past self has given me so much, but I'm also super excited about my future self. So my present self is thrilled by all of it, by what I have created for myself in my present and what I'm creating for myself in the future. And I think that makes an amazing life. When your relationship with yourself is at its best, you will have the most to give to yourself and to others, when you're willing to feel the discomfort now, when you're willing to show up for yourself and your future self now and do things you don't want to do and feel the urges and uncomfortable emotions, when you do that for yourself, if you can give to your future self, if you can discipline yourself to take care of yourself, you will do the same for everyone else in your life from a kind, disciplined, compassionate place.

So how can we visualise our future self if we don't know what will happen in the world? What will be with the world in 5, 10, 20 years? And a lot of us see the world that way. We see the world as something that happens to us and we simply respond to. And in many ways that is true. But in many other ways. It's not true. It's not true that we can't create our world. But when something happens to us that we don't have control over we start to feel completely out of control: pandemic, war.

Where do you think you'll be three years from now? Can you picture yourself? Can you picture your life and your experience of your life? And if you feel like no, you can't, it's most likely because you're identifying yourself based on what happens in the world, based on external circumstances. You look to the outside world to define you now. But you also look to the outside world to define yourself in the future.

This is how you imagine your future self without having to know what's going to happen in the world. What do you know will be true about you no matter what, it doesn't matter what happens in the world? What do you know will be true about you? What are your values and the impact you want to have on the world? What is that purpose? No matter what the world or your circumstances are, you get to be the person who fulfills your purpose. If you are a leader, you will use every opportunity to lead and inspire people in any situation. If your purpose is to be the healthiest version of yourself, you can be and inspire others to do so, you can show up in this way does not matter what circumstance. If you are an example of what is possible, no matter what is going on, you show up in this way. If you are a creator, no matter what will happen in the world, you will be a creator.

And who you are is not determined by anything external. It’s not determined by your job or what people say about you. Who you are is determined by your thoughts, your values and the decisions you make internally. And that is true for all of us. We just sometimes don't acknowledge that. We think that external things are developing our identity. And that is not true because it's always our thoughts. It's never what's happening externally. Identity is the collection of thoughts you have about yourself and your life. That is what determines who you are in the world. Your identity is not a separate truth that came imprinted on you. Your identity is how you see yourself. So if you are unable to imagine your future self, you're probably defining yourself by that external world.

Look at how you're defining yourself right now. And you can see how much of it may be determined by your experience, your circumstances, and other people. Your circumstances do not determine your identity. How do you define yourself when all your labels are taken away? Your job, your family, your possessions? Who are you as a person unchangeable by the circumstances? What is true for you? No matter what is happening, what can you be certain about? The truth for me is the only thing I can be certain about are the decisions that I'm going to make about what I'm going to think and believe. I can't be certain about what I'm going to be able to do in the future because I don't know what the rules will be. I can't be certain about the results that I will necessarily create depending on the rules changing, but I can be certain that I will always have the ability and the power to decide what I want to think and believe. No one can take that away. No matter how many circumstances change, I get to decide what to think and what to believe and therefore what to feel. That is always within my power. You get to choose what do you want to believe about your future. Nobody really knows what's going to happen in the future. So what we choose to believe is really just made up, and if I have a choice on what I'm going to believe, I'm going to believe the best thing that is for me. You can believe whatever you want about your life. For deep dive on beliefs and believing on purpose, go back to episode nine.

So does your purpose in your life, your identity stand up to change? Does it stand up to uncertainty? Does it reflect that it doesn't matter what's going on in the world, it only matters what's going on within you? Put yourself in any circumstance and ask yourself, are you fighting reality or are you using it to fulfill your purpose? Are you using every circumstance to argue with reality or are you using every circumstance as an opportunity to show up as your true authentic self? The circumstance doesn't determine who you are and how you show up. The challenges and struggles are usually making us more of who we are, not less, if we use them to evolve, to become and to grow. So when you imagine your future self, imagine yourself stronger, more capable, more creative, more contributing, more of who you are, regardless of what your circumstances are. And you can also imagine any goal you want.

So what is your relationship like with your goals? Think about your relationship with your goals. Think about that relationship as a relationship with a partner or a friend. Are you showing up for your goal and taking care of your goal even if there is uncertainty and struggle and challenges? We don't want to shy away from possibility because our circumstance changes, we want to open up to possibility. So ask yourself this question, How does this current circumstance give me an opportunity to serve, to contribute, and to achieve my goals and my purpose? How can I be more of myself in the future regardless of what happens in the world? How can I be who I want to be in every moment, in every circumstance? Show up as that version of yourself you want to be and if you don't, do not blame your circumstances. Circumstances are always neutral. They are opportunities to show up even bigger and more of who you are and want to be. If you're not being the best version of the identity that you see for yourself, if you don't achieve your goals, it is because of your thinking, it is because of your choices, it is because of your decisions, not because of anything that happened or is happening in the world. You can always be who you are and who you want to be with whatever circumstance is present for you. So finding your future self in uncertainty in the world is all about just being certain about who you decide you want to be and then living into it no matter what happens outside of you. Commit to that for yourself.

We don't want to be identifying ourselves in relationship to our past. We have to be our future self before we can create results. We want to identify ourselves with who we most want to be. We want to start being the person that has the things that we want to create in our life. There is past focus,  and there is future focus, and there is present focus, but your present focus is where you choose your thoughts and you can choose thoughts from the past or thoughts from the future. If you are past focused, you will look to your past to define your future and who you are. When you look at your past to create your identity, you create more of the same. You keep recreating the same version of yourself. You keep creating the same life. Start living from your future. When you live from your future, of course you don't know how to do it yet. When you envision a future you haven't yet done, you're going to be doing things you've never done before, which will require you to grow and to learn and to fail. ‘I have not done that before’ does not add any value to your life, your actions or your results. It isn't a relevant thought if you're trying to produce something extraordinary. I've never done this before, therefore I must do it. Do not base what you do on your past, base what you do on your desire, your vision, your possibility. Your future is your property because by definition it hasn't happened yet. It only exists in your mind. Therefore, to own your future you must always make it bigger than your past!