It's Not Too Late

Finding love later in life is scary...but we loved every minute. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello everyone! Welcome to Just Winging It.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

My name is Charlotte. I'm a board certified behavior analyst, mother of two, just checking things off my bucket list. Starting a podcast has been a dream of mine, even if I only reach one person, that is one more person that needed to hear me. Throughout my next episodes, I will be discussing a variety of topics, including finding love at 37 years old, it's never too late, positive parenting, navigating being an adult without actually being an adult with my 18-year-old daughter, true stories of online dating, the challenges of raising a teenager, challenges of raising a son with autism, converting to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 38 years old, and last but not least, spreading positivity while actively depressed. All of these topics will be including many family and friends as guests in order to spread as much positivity and laughter to those closest to me. I have felt broken and alone. I am constantly doubting myself in my professional life and personally as a parent, friend, and wife. Most days I lay awake wondering if I loved people enough. Did I give enough of myself to others? But forgetting to ask, did I give enough to myself? Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever ask yourself when did time start moving so fast? When did I let myself go? When did my kids grow up? Why didn't I teach them that sooner? If so, you are in the right place. I want to reach people who are just like me. People who have made mistakes, loved, lost, and yet still continue to actively choose to be kind. When the world is chaotic and you feel as if there's nothing left, please know that there is. Continue to choose to be kind, be giving, and take chances.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Hello everyone. Welcome to my first ever podcast episode called It's Not Too Late. Today, I'm going to be having on my amazingly talented husband, Michael. Welcome to the show, Michael.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Hey, babe. Thanks for having me on.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Oh, your voice is so, so sexy. Do you have any? You've been behind the mic before. Do you have any tips or tricks for me?

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Oh, sure. You know, uh Casey Caseum actually uh back in the day. He he told me, you know, rule number one of radio, don't chew gum.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Casey Kaysem said that?

SPEAKER_03 2:35

To me.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

To you personally. He didn't. He's never met Casey Caseum at all. I did listen to Casey Keesum a lot when I was a kid, did you?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Uh you know, I actually didn't. I uh the most Casey Caseum I've heard is in your car on XM radio.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Oh, yeah. Top 40 Casey Case M. Yeah. What channel is that?

SPEAKER_03 3:03

I don't know. Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Well, your loss, I guess. Um we'll figure that out one day. I feel like I should say um less in a podcast, is that correct?

SPEAKER_03 3:15

Yeah, I would try to eliminate um from your way.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

I was told by my college speech teacher. So I didn't have a speech impediment, but I did have a speech teacher for public speaking. Did you have a public speaking class?

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Uh I didn't have a public speaking class, but I had uh classes in which I gave presentations, and there was one that was uh I think it was a science class, if memory serves. I um um see, it's hard. It's hard, it's very hard.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

It's hard, everybody. Try it.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

But but so I was I was doing my presentation and and the whole class was to give feedback. And as did my professor, and this was in college. And uh there's professors in high school, I I got a lot of comments about how many ums I had. I had a lot of ums. See, there was I was nervous. I I'm not a good public speaker.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Ums are you know, time fillers is what uh I think my public speaking teacher, she probably had a fancier name for them. But I think time fillers are perfect because that's what they're used for. And she would say that instead of filling it with um, it's okay to just take a breath and be silent. So working on it, and what happened was I went up there, I went back to school when I was um quite a bit older than my peers, and in my public speech, I was very, very nervous because it was just a bunch of, you know, what felt like teenagers to me, and I had to give a discussion on how to tie a tie, and I also didn't know how to tie a tie, so I had to research that as well. But she would track and put tallies down on how many ums you used in your public speaking. And the very first time I went up there for a three-minute speech on how to tie a tie, I had 72 ums on my own.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

72, wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

I don't even know how I I don't even remember saying 72 ums, but her point was, which I appreciated, is that towards the end of the semester you did another speech and she showed you in my last speech in that class, I only had three. So she was kind of showing up. That's remarkable. Yeah, improvements, right? Yeah. I'm back to using ums again though, because this is very nerve-wracking for me for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

I although I can edit this all out, it's well, you know, I mean, you're you're you're living your dream, you're fulfilling a life goal here, and uh I think you're only naturally gonna feel a certain amount of pressure and and excitement, and it's gonna bring out the ums.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Babe, you are definitely meant to be behind the microphone.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

That's nice of you to say, baby. My voice is the bomb.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Yes, I mean it. And you're very confident behind the microphone, I feel like. Yeah. If you've ever met my husband, which you probably haven't. If you had, it's creepy.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Um but you can find him uh on babe. If you're you can find him on uh is it next door. Uh he is a regular poster. He loves next door.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

He might be posting pictures of Al in our backyard. Or um, I feel like right now is the time to read a next door posting. Can I have your I don't have my phone?

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Next door here.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

If you have if you have not yet downloaded this app called Nextdoor, it's pretty amazing. We actually downloaded it.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Oh, babe, you just said oh no, it's not an owl, it's a bald eagle.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

But I mean, pretty close to what you were just talking about. This is the type of stuff that's on here a lot. People who spot animals or for sure. Um, you know, people who steal from their recycling.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

So yeah, so last week, um John or Joe or Jacob, somebody posted that it was he was he was quite upset, right? Baby was quite livid that he had dropped his cans off at the curb, and when he returned the next morning, his recycling had been taken.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Stolen.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

I I assumed that that meant that the recycling came and picked up his recycling. Like, what else would happen to recycling? He, though, is making under the assumption that recycling had not come yet. He did not hear the truck, therefore, he posted that someone is stealing his recycling. That that's it, there's a thief. But I I think uh it was my brother who said, like, isn't that the point? We want our recycling to be taken. So I I would guess so. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Someone wanted to take a right people to take your trash, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah, you do. It's right.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

I don't I don't want just anyone looking through my garbage. That's my garbage.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Yeah. It is, and it's typically pretty good garbage.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

Yeah, it's primo.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Yeah, so you don't want people looking at certain people looking at it, absolutely. What do you have a good post you can read?

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Yeah, I'm scanning here. Um I'll just read one at random. I haven't I haven't read this ahead of time. Uh, shout out to one of our local Amazon drivers. Oh, yeah. My six-year-old and I were out playing catch at the end of the night, and he wanted me to throw it as high as I could. This is important details, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah. So if I have you ever thrown a ball as high as you can, it's kind of hard actually.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

So I tossed it pretty high, and he had to go back a bit to get I can't read these without laughing. He had to go back a bit to get it, but he caught it. The Amazon driver happened to be driving by at the time and yelled out and started cheering as he drove by. Woo! Made my son's night. Now he says he has a fan. I mean, that's really sweet. That's super sweet. That's super sweet.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

But like the detail to that story that could have been probably told in a few uh few words. It's a really good one though. I like it. It's endless entertainment. It really is. Um, there was another one where there was some outrage about um local mammogram office, I think.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

And maybe pushed her. Was it even that so funny? Uh these sound bits are great. Um, pushed her boob too hard or something. I don't actually know what happened, but she was upset about them. So next door app, get it. It's quite entertaining. We thought it was gonna be to like find a babysitter, and we have just found so much more on the It's on my list of must-have apps. Oh, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Yes, right right alongside Twitter, which I use constantly.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Speak I don't think you do, do you?

SPEAKER_03 9:58

No.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Okay, it's like I've never seen you on there. Um but I created a Twitter account.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Uh gosh. I don't know how many years ago. Uh was this like You used it like once or twice just kind of to goof around, and that's all that happened.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Was what kind of goofing around do you do on Twitter?

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Uh like we were watching a UFC match, my brothers and I, and I was just like tweeting about it, just live tweeting.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Oh, okay. I don't even know what t like what Twitter is for. Honestly, I've never even used it myself.

unknown 10:37

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

However, more power to you. Tweet away, I think.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Being uh bought out by Elon Musk. Oh, wow. Or at least that's what's being proposed. Well we'll see what Twitter's uh board decides what they're gonna do with it.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

But uh I want Elon Musk money, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 10:57

I mean he's the richest man in the world, so I think we all want Elon Musk money.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Oh, I said Elon what is it?

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Did you say I think I said the same, did I pronounce it? Elon? Elon. Elon I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Okay. Well, I think we figured it out. He's rich.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yeah, he's worth like uh something like 200 billion.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Oh wow. That's a lot. Let's look it up. That's a lot of money.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

So while my 264.6 billion.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Holy moly.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Jeff Bezos is number two with 177.5. But that is uh close, not quite, but close to a hundred billion more than the number two, who is insanely rich.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Wow. That's amazing. Yeah, that's a lot of money. I'm kind of hoping that this podcast takes off, and maybe. I mean, do people get that kind of money from podcasts or no?

SPEAKER_03 12:03

No.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

I mean, mine maybe.

SPEAKER_03 12:05

I think the most money that I've heard of is Joe Rogan getting that hundred million. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Joe Rogan did just get a really good deal.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

And he he's he's a big deal. He's an incredibly successful podcaster.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Um, I just saw Joe Rogan has this thing called Alpha Brain. Have you heard about this?

SPEAKER_03 12:22

No, I'm not familiar with it.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

It might be good for you because your brain sometimes is. If this is uh if Alpha Brain wants to be a sponsor, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Yeah, we we would we are open to sponsors.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

I guess they probably wouldn't since it's Joe Rogan's thing, but apparently I I just saw it. It's called Alpha Brain, and it's like a supplement that you take that's supposed to help with your memory.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Sign me up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

But we shouldn't sign you up. Um give it a try and let Joe Rogan know about it. But um shout out to Joe Rogan, pretty successful guy. And anyway, I really put my husband on here because I wanted uh kind of ask him some questions really quickly on the spot. And then we started chatting about other things.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Hit me with it.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

That is a laughing sound of it. Yeah, you're still laughing. Um don't really know how that one uh got there. But um this is actually it's just too tempting.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

It's so fun to play with the board.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

It is really fun. So why I want to do this is because actually my husband and I met via online dating.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

That's love-hate relationship with that for sure. Uh love that it found me my wife. Otherwise, I definitely just hate it. I mean, it is it is uh pretty miserable um way to find people.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

I might have a whole I feel like possibly a whole episode on online dating and in my experiences and possibly my husband's if he wants to share. But I mean it worked. It did work, you know, but I would tell you that I don't yeah, my husband and I would have never met. Oh, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah, we have no we had none of the um She was outside my driving radius, which is something most people on listening to this, I'm sure, can relate to.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Everybody has a driving radius, right? Uh my husband's is about 20 miles of a circumference.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Most people is like, I don't leave the state, you know. No, my husband is um uh I can go like three neighborhoods away.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

That's okay. And so uh because I wasn't in um Mike's side of town, we would have never crossed paths. In fact, we didn't have the same scenery. I mean, we didn't do the same things. And um, unless I was at Walmart at two in the morning, we would have our schnooks.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Schnooks Dearburgs. I would have been up schnooks at like 2 a.m. all the time.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

My husband has schnooks and dearburgs money. Um, I have Walmart money, so um, we kind of we would have never seen each other. You know, I was at Aldi when he was at Dearburgs, you know. And if everybody knows, Dearburgs is expensive. Anyway, my husband and I met via online dating, which is I didn't know until I met my wife and she introduced me to Aldi.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

And I was like, holy crap, this is such a better deal.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah. Hey, if Aldi wants to be a sponsor, that might be a good idea.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

Yeah, Aldi, why don't you know you sign up?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Listen.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Hey, sorry I talked over you. You were in the middle of time.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

It's totally fine, babe. It's like my life story with you as my husband, but I love it. You speak over me, as do all of your brothers.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

I had important things to say.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

And maybe. Um, I I imagine this being like people who watch or are listen to um all other podcasts and just are so entertained. And however, I I don't think that that's what's happening, but I'm trying my best here. My husband and I met via online dating. In fact, Bumble. Oh, Bumble wants to bumble.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Listen, we have a success story here. Um, hook us up with some gear. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Well, you like these stuff. Do you have these? Oh, I do, babe. Could we get some bumble gear? Yeah, I'll take a bumble hoodie or something, you know. But anyway, on bumble, if you don't know already, you as the female, holla at your man first, you know, so I'm like, holla. And and then they reach out if they want to reach out or not. And since it's less superficial, but it's still superficial because online dating, you know. But I remember my husband had just the cutest photo up of himself, and I just, you know, immediately fell in love.

SPEAKER_03 16:44

But however, I'm sorry to interject here. What which photo are you referencing?

SPEAKER_01 16:50

We're all very cute, but I believe your profile picture was actually um I want to say it was your one one of your photos where you were holding that Mac mini. I think so. I think so. Was that my main one? I don't actually know what your main one was, but I know that was one of your photos.

SPEAKER_03 17:10

Showing off my my Mac, which I never use.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

It was actually no, it was your Gmail photo.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Oh, that one. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I I did use that for a while.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

He used the headshot photo.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

My husband is I took that photo myself. I set it up on the tripod, set up all the lighting very carefully. This is at like 2 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

My husband's a very talented man, and you'll hear about him so much because he's amazing. And so anyway, um, I oh um sorry guys. I had reached out to him, and part of his actual description of himself on Bumble was that he was very faith-driven and he was a family man, you know, which I found to be very attractive about him.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

And I reached out also said I had a four-inch dick.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Who's listening to this? Gail, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Um that brings the ladies.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Um I did, right? I yeah, I did tell there's yeah, I told you that that super funny video of this guy walking out to see a young kid walking out, and it's like four inches of snow outside, and he's like, So there's uh four inches of snow. He's like, there's that's a lot of snow. Uh right, ladies. That's a lot of that's pretty that's a lot, right? Four four inches is a lot. I mean, it's average, right? Um it's quite funny while he's standing in the snow. Um, but yeah, he did not uh that was not listed on his profile. However, he I reached out to him now. I love that that would be something you'd advertise, but yet it's like, huh? Most people would possibly advertise something bigger, but you know, it did I tell you this.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

When I said that to uh three different women on online dating, I said uh I think you can handle four inches as my intro. Uh this was on uh okay cupid, um, where where you just start conversations with people.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Okay. I didn't ever do that one.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

Yeah. Um I liked it because you could have it seemed more in depth. You know, the it wasn't swipe-based. I I was really turned off by swipe-based dating, but it's where everyone went, and so I I moved to it. But I liked the idea of a profile where you could read about somebody and and feel like you got to know them a bit before you messaged them. Yeah. But um, but I was just in a goofy mood. And so listen, it didn't work out. Yeah. So pre previous girls I had talked to had said that uh had commented on how guys would say, like, you know, trashy, terrible things, you know, like I think you can handle eight inches or whatever, like being genuine. Um and so jokingly, I I I decided to take that and and tweak it. And I said, You think you can handle four inches as my opening line to three different people. Uh, one of them thought it was hilarious. I got the full spectrum. One of them thought it was hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

And uh they're not together though. She thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

One of them uh, I think just didn't respond or something, and one of them responded and was like pissed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

I mean, I wouldn't necessarily be pissed, I'd just be like, I mean, is that a lot? You know, I mean, I think this probably would have been my response back to you um if you would have texted me that. But I I don't know. Yeah, no, no, no. It was very funny. Um he didn't say it to me though, so I kept it classy. Yeah, Mike definitely was very classy and did not he didn't give me his full crazy till our first official date, I think. Um when he sang me a song about girls in a cellar. But I Mike and I have, you know, quite the actually quite short history together, however, we know each other very much, and that's because of Mike's okay cupid questions that we would ask each other. So after we first met, and then several hundred yeah, maybe three, four, or five.

SPEAKER_03 21:22

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

We decided that we were gonna chat. We met at the very beginning of the pandemic, which has been quite so our relationship is just now getting we've only known each other through a pandemic, which has been quite crazy, and probably though, however, one of the best things for us. So because it meant that we could not see each other right off the bat. So uh Mike wanted to protect his parents um who were older and which I respected, and so we spent a lot of time just talking to each other.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

And so after I had put my children to bed, the truth is I I love I'm sorry we love. I was gonna say, I mean, I I love being able to just dive in and and and talk anyway. I mean that's just you know, but being forced to, you know what I mean, like not spend time uh I don't know, dating can be it's fun, but it's it can be less in depth, let's say. Um but it kind of forced us to get more in depth right away, and like that was really awesome.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

And I think it was easier to be in depth too when you weren't sitting across from each other at a table. I don't know what it is about can be quite if you've been on a first date before.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Yeah, it's usually light banter, you know. Yeah. I mean, you don't get in too deep when you're just eating dinner and talking to each other. I mean, it's I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

So I so some of the some of the questions might be something like, you know, um, you know, what's your faith? And you know, how long have you been, you know, in um you know, sorry, separately. It might just be like, what's your belief on, you know, children and or you know, have you ever smoked or drank? Do you enjoy, you know, different activities? And um, and so it was 300 or 400 questions that he had basically every night after I put my children to bed, um, I would call Mike, usually around like 10 or 11, and then we would talk to four or five in the morning. And thankfully I was on in pandemic mode with my job and I didn't have to go anywhere. So I was able to, you know, get up and work, but I was uh typically living on one or two hours of sleep for the first um quite a long time of our relationship.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

Charlotte definitely sacrificed a lot um in the well and ongoingly, but uh but in the early days of our relationship, you know, she she's just such uh a giving person, and that's something that I mean our I like to think, you know, it would have worked either way, but uh you know, just uh I I know it only helped um having her pour that much time in and and and meet me where I was, which was 2 a.m. And I was very sweet, babe. Thank you for saying that.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

I know I am I am I guess very giving in it is my uh love language, right? I believe I I have multiple love languages, but I think you know, acts of service and um I believe they're what are the five love languages? Acts of service touch uh gifts. Gifts, oh yes. I am a I am a very good gift giver as well.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Oh definitely.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

You're an amazing gift giver. But I we didn't so access service, gifts words of affirmation. Words of affirmation, that's a really good one too. I I know that we have a strong, like whenever you take, if you've ever taken the you know, love languages quiz, you do typically have a very strong one. Um however, I feel like I had three that were all the same score. So um, but it it is good to know what your partner's love language is for sure, because you know then, you know, how they communicate best. So either way, Mike and I went through these questions. It was really lovely. It gave us a better understanding of each other, and I think this is the first time I'm saying this, at least to whoever is listening to this uh random podcast from two people in Missouri, um, that we actually had said we loved each other before we actually met in person, um, which jokes on him. Um what does that mean? Just you know um I guess it means, you know, uh love me. What?

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Means you don't love me. Jokes on me.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

No jokes on you as far as like, you know, I mean, it's when you go through dating, it's online dating, it can be very superficial for sure. So knowing that you loved someone before we actually had physically met in person, it's one of those things that you're super worried about, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:24

Especially when you're someone who's been, you know, or possibly put down because of your body or um something that well and chemistry can be very different potentially, um over phone calls and texts versus in person.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

You know, and so uh and and the physicality of it, you know, like I mean, is there that spark when you kiss, you know? And yeah. Um so I mean there there were those kind of outline questions that like how will this pan out when we actually meet? But we were definitely in love before we met. And so I mean, thank goodness it all worked out.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

We were so a separate story too. I was going through is of course this will come up in in most of my podcasts, I'm sure, but in describing myself, but I was going through a divorce at the time, and I was finalizing my divorce, actually. And uh I was in the process, and because of COVID, things kind of got put on the back burner and things were put on hold a bit, and so they weren't doing, you know, court and things were just taking longer. And Mike at one point had told me that you know we could no longer see each other if, you know, I my divorce wasn't final. So quite crazily, I think it was like a day after he said that my attorney sent me very short. Sent me an email kind of describing the you know what was going on with COVID and that, you know, essentially my divorce is final, that it's it comes down to just a signature on a piece of paper. And I couldn't remember exactly what she said, but either way, it was the affirmation that Mike needed to be okay with us. I I only say this story because uh, of course, it speaks highly to my husband's faith and love for me and just dedication to himself and you know what he feels is also right in relationships and right with treating people. And I think that he always, you know, it always was right for us to be together when there I wasn't legally married, which I incredibly understood, although it was very hard because I was feeling very strongly about him and then had to put that on hold for a little, but it really wasn't that long, and it was quite uh a very crazy kind of um timing with getting that that letter from her. But that pretty much describes uh Mike and I's relationship as just crazy timing and things that have happened.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Well, it's kind of hard to kind of hard to deny that uh God had a hand in it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

For sure. Um that is definitely the case that God was working some magic when it came to Mike and I, because like I said before, we were not meant to meet. And if it weren't for the pandemic, we probably wouldn't have. Um and so I think I I I really wanted there's so much more I could possibly talk to my husband about, which will happen. Um, I really just kind of wanted to use this as an opportunity to talk to, I know that I have quite a few friends who may listen to this podcast who have talked to me before about how how lucky I am, how crazy it is that I found love, um, my soulmate essentially at you know, 39 years old, and starting over and how hard that that was for me. But how so many of my friends who have gone through divorce or have just never been married and are searching for that person and they think that it's not possible. And I was that person uh not that long ago. In fact, you know, three years ago, I was that person who, if you would have asked me or, you know, do you think that you know you'll ever, you know, be in love or find happiness? I I would have said no. I just think that this is I'm just gonna settle for where my life is right now. And all of all of my dreams and hopes for my life and my children's lives has they've become a reality because of uh meeting Mike. So I'm I just think for people that are out there thinking that you can't, that this isn't possible. It is, and for every person, it comes very differently, it looks different. Uh, I think though I had to be open for it. And something that I told somebody is that if you if I would have kept myself so closed off like I was in uh meeting people, and I think Mike can probably attest to this too for himself, but being able to keep yourself open to the possibility that you may get hurt, and it may be something that is really hard to go through. But if I hadn't gone through all that hurt, the struggle and pain, I would have never met Mike. And unless you take a chance on somebody someday, uh you'll you won't know if that person is your Charlotte or your Mike if you don't give them a chance. So I think I a lot of why we Mike and I met is we met exactly when we were meant to meet. We always say to each other, Oh, I wish we would have met 15 years ago, you know. I of course have, like I said before, an 18-year-old and a nine-year-old that I brought into this marriage. And I think all the time, like, oh, if I could only go back, and that 18-year-old was Mike's, and nine-year-old was Mike's, and our life was different and so magical together. And I think our life is so magical right now because we met now, and it's all perfect timing and God's plan for us, and uh, I am a better person because of him, and um and I know that he feels the same way.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

I do.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

And I'm not holding a gun to his head right now. He actually said that. Uh I think that it is it is possible, and I I would like to, like I said, dive into this more. I I would like to make uh an episode about just online dating and the the actual like horrors of online dating. Not horror horrors, horror, not horror like WHO the horrors of online dating. What's it's a scary one, I think. Oh, I picked the right one. And um so I know it but talking about that, it might be quite funny because I know I I have some friends and I'm gonna get some questions about or even just friends at stories that I want to talk about. And either way, I think that it is awesome. I I would have never thought that I would have a husband who I was like sitting up at, you know, midnight on a Tuesday night, uh Wednesday night or whatever night of the week it is, it doing a podcast together is my dream to do a podcast. And this might be a complete flop, but I am absolutely like on cloud nine right now doing this with my husband. This is so amazing. I don't care who hears this, and I'm just gonna put it out there and share it with friends and family, and just because it's probably been the best 30 minutes that I've had and enjoyed so much, just it reminds me a lot of when we used to talk on the phone and some of the best conversations we ever had were just chatting away, yeah, and um lots of laughter and crying and all of I would never change and made me uh realize, of course, how amazing Mike was and how much I like couldn't wait to be near him and spend the rest of my life with him, really. And so we are incredibly blessed, and I I really wanna continue to talk about because in all these things over the over my next episodes and talk about you know my professional career and where it's gone and and talking about my parenting style and I I really appreciate all of what my husband has brought to my life. If he was not in my life, this podcast would not be happening, that's for sure. And I'm so incredibly grateful for him and I'm excited to get this thing going. So thank you, babe, for joining me. I feel like when I say babe, I do you remember on the office when Michael kept calling, hey babe, babe, babe, was it Jan? Oh no, it was yes, it was when he was with Jan and they were having the party at home when he had the they had them over. The dinner party. The dinner party, which is like one of the top office uh episodes there is and he kept saying babe, hey babe, babe, babe, uh babe. Well, thank you, uh Michael, for being on.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

If I can take just a moment uh to uh speak a little to you were talking about um people who may be uh struggling, worrying if they're ever going to find the one. And um just I mean you you spoke a little to your experiences and um I just want to kind of echo some of what you said and add to it. Um here I am with those ums again.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

So many ums, babe. So many. It's terrible. It's terrible. We'll get back.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

I need that speech class. I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

If it if you guys want to do that, what I talked about at the beginning, and and keep track of all of our ums, and then maybe by the last episode of this podcast series, this as NoFlow, I'm sure, but maybe all of our well, a few less ums.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Uh so you talked about putting yourself out there, and I'll tell you, it was a long road before I met Charlie. It's not I mean online dating was in a word hell. Uh I mean it was just a lot of people treating you poorly, and just you get hurt. And even the people who aren't treating you poorly, if you open yourself up, you just are opening yourself up to getting hurt. And when it doesn't work out, because people can be perfectly fine people, but it doesn't always work out. I didn't give myself a lot of breaks. I was feeling my age. You know uh I married young ladies. But uh I you know I had always pictured that I'd be married in my 20s. And here I was in my mid-30s and hadn't been, I actually uh before I was 32, 3, I'm trying to remember, uh, I hadn't been on a single date in my life. Uh so if you're you feel you're just having a hard time, you know, I mean, maybe you've had a little better time than I had to that point. Um It's never too late. It's never too that's the point, you know, is it's never too late to get started, it's never too late to find love. And I had a lot of heartbreak, a lot of just feeling down on myself and down on dating, wanting to give up. I mean, it doesn't come without a lot of work and a lot of uh a lot of pain. But you keep putting yourself out there, which is just the hardest thing to do. Because you feel like whenever someone doesn't like what you showed them of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

What are you showing people?

SPEAKER_03 39:09

No, just you know, like whatever side of your personality, or you know what I mean? Like, uh yeah. No, not not that. Uh keep it clean, babe. Keep it clean, come on, babe. Come on. Uh you know, as as you open up and you know share parts of yourself with someone that that uh if they don't like it, well it's hard to reveal that to the next person, and you and you get more closed off, you get down on dating, you get to feeling like, you know, I don't know. I mean, maybe that maybe I'm not lovable. Maybe uh he's very lovable.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

They are questions you ask yourself for sure, is it basically you doubt all of your you put all of your self-worth into online dating. I mean, that's pretty much how I defined who I was for quite a long time when I was going through divorce and finding someone, is that I was somehow my value and worth was decided by some guy on the other end of the phone.

SPEAKER_03 40:25

And for Which is total crap, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

You know, even with Mike, the idea is like he although he gives me very, of course, tons of words of affirmation about my value and my worth, the reality is unless you f unless you personally don't feel value and worth, there isn't there's no one out there that's going to give you that. You have to be able to see it within yourself, what you're worth and what your value is. I did not see it for a very long time. And I think that it's important that you don't wrap all of your value and worth into online dating.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

Right, which is just a a place where there are a lot of wonderful people out there. I I don't mean to to skip over them. There are very nice people on online dating, but it often seems like there are but Grace, there there are not.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

Grace, there are not listen, Grace. If you're listening, my 18-year-old daughter, her name is Grace. There is no one nice on Tinder.

SPEAKER_03 41:28

But you do run into uh probably 20 jerks before you meet the one nice one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

Um, I mean it's I think that's a good ratio, and I I think that one in twenty is probably accurate.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

I uh it might just be also the mix of and then of those that one in twenty, I mean, you gotta match with them.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Yeah, I mean it's you do, and you match with them on very random things, but I I think yeah, it's go ahead, babe though.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

I was just saying the I mean the odds of finding I mean finding the the right person can seem slim sometimes, you know, as you wade through all that. But um I I I guess I I guess I'm just rambling a lot, but the point is perseverance. You just have to keep at it.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

It is. Do you guys if you've ever seen those motivational posters? They were very common in the 90s. I feel like in probably you you won one at a fair somewhere where you threw a dart on it or something. But it was like, you know, they said like perseverance, determination. Do you ever seen those? They're very like motivational. People have them hanging up in offices. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:39

Yeah, I've seen those. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

Yeah. And perseverance, the one for perseverance, I actually think when you look it up because I'm visualizing it right now, it's like someone with a what I think, and I could be completely wrong, but I'm picturing this guy with like a big boulder, and he has to like is trying to push it up a hill. That's what I think of this motivational poster. They're pretty common in in offices and stuff. Am I right or wrong? Or is he climbing a mountain or they've got a few different ones.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Uh any of what I'm talking about, or am I making this up podcasting world?

SPEAKER_03 43:16

Let the record show that my wife is making this up.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

There's nothing like that pushing up a boat climbing a mountain. I mean What did Miley Cyrus say?

SPEAKER_03 43:25

It's about the climb.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

It is about the climb. Not about how fast you get there.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

And we got like this like Navy SEAL training one where they're all lying on the beach having waves crash or anything.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

That's perseverance. Do they have to wait? I I swear I picture this. Listen, if anyone out there has this old poster hanging in a law firm somewhere, because I feel like it's a law firm or some sort of office that I went into and it was probably at one of my old jobs and it was. Perseverance, but perseverance does pay off. I tell m I tell my teenager that all the time. That it is far eas it's far easier to give up, honestly. Um and I think my husband and I both can relate that it's easier at the time to give up. But if we both would not have persevered, we would not have met each other and we would not be talking to you all right now.

SPEAKER_03 44:26

Which maybe you'd prefer.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

It's quite possible that you have now invested 42 minutes of your life that you will never get back. I promise you. It was enjoyable for me. And if one person enjoyed it and finds hope in our relationship, I'd love to give you more of what we have. And also I'd love to talk about how we're maintaining this really what I think to be very strong relationship, and we continue to keep it uh our marriage in a healthy place. The struggles we have with that and the hope that we can continue to keep this uh love and connection going. I think every single book we read before we got married said that it only gets worse.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

So we have decided to break, you know, we were reading, I'm sorry to we we were reading one of these books uh in the lead up to our marriage, and then we got to that chapter, and that was that was about when we stopped. I was like, yeah, I I don't buy that. I don't want to read it.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

Mike was not convinced as a s as someone who has never been married before, of course, Mike was not convinced that marriage can possibly go bad, right? It's like there's no way that things can just get, you know, um hard, right?

SPEAKER_03 45:47

Or or things can go to the get to the point where I didn't think they could get hard, but like I I guess I just thought, you know, you have hard moments, sure, but but the love stays strong. And this book said the opposite. And I was feeling the love, right? You know, in the moment, and still am, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Whoa, he was in the moment.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

I know you are now in that specific moment. What what was driving my thoughts was that I was feeling the love, and I was like, why would this ever go away? Yeah, and it hasn't. And we're a little over just over a year in. And uh what year married. What did they claim? What was their claim? They said five years. Five, oh five years. Okay, then I guess we'll see.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

But we'll have to get the I'll have to get the book out there. We'll revisit this in five years.

SPEAKER_03 46:31

Four years, four years from now.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Exact what they said, but uh typically around five years, and then I know I've heard before like the seven, seven year um, where however I think that you know, Mike and I, of course, come very differently, which some marriages do start this way, where you start you get married a little bit older in life, but a little bit later in life. There's already children in the mix, you know, and so that actually adds a whole nother dynamic to our relationship because we got married and we just went into like raising kids together. We didn't have any time for just us. And so that's been a challenge within itself, and many other challenges that uh I will let Mike talk about later on when I bring him on the show again. You say show? Is that what you say on podcasts?

SPEAKER_00 47:13

Yeah, I think you'd call it a show.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

It's safe to say show, and I will talk about some of those things that we went through, but I don't think you'd call it the cast. The cast the cast. It's kind of cool.

SPEAKER_03 47:22

It sounds kind of cool, yeah. Yeah, it does. Next time you come on the cast. Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

Maybe we'll go with that. Hey, see you on the cast next time. So, no, because then it's also like a cast, you know, like a movie cast. Like a movie cast. Yeah, no. We'll stick to podcasts, but episode what'd I say? Show. Show. Michael. So so yeah, so we we are doing our best to take as much time as we possibly can to just strengthen our relationship. What are you laughing about?

SPEAKER_03 47:54

I thought you were gonna say I misunderstood what you were. I thought you were talking about because we're rambling a bit on the podcast. Yeah, trying to take as much time as we can.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

We definitely are 45 minutes in. It doesn't really feel like it. It feels like it's been pretty quick. You guys might not think that, but either way, Mike and I are very excited to be together, and we are going to continue to just work at keeping our marriage very strong and healthy, and we will have challenges along the way, I'm sure. And anybody who is like my parents, my parents, uh Mike's parents, my parents have been married for 41 years. Don't get mad about him, Dad. I think that's right. 41. It is 41 years.

SPEAKER_03 48:36

I think it's about an even 10 difference between our parents. I think mine are 51.

SPEAKER_01 48:42

So we have parents, very strong married parents. I don't, I mean, my parents are probably vouching. I don't know how they made it, but they made it. And I think that it's to come from strong foundation of of married parents, it's you always hope to reach that goal. And I I know I do, and although we are going to be much older when we hit that 40-year mark, I have every uh I have no doubt in my mind that we will reach that. So I yeah, so we are gonna break down the barriers of all the books and all the people that have been married a really long time that say you do have some rough patches, and I don't doubt that we will, um, because we've already had some, and I'm sure that we will continue to have some, but I think it's just about kind of getting through them. And the biggest thing is for me, what I've learned is even during those rough times, that we continue to have respect for each other. That's really important. So uh we will continue to chat about that. If anybody else, you know, wants to hear more about that. I I know that I'm gonna reach out to some people and see what they want to hear more about, if anything at all.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

And we will talk again. I appreciate your time, Michael. Although I said that earlier about 20 minutes ago.

SPEAKER_03 50:05

Did we try and wrap it up 20 minutes ago? We did.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

We do that. This is that these were actually our conversations.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

Well, you know, that's yeah, that's the thing. When you find love, you know, I mean, the uh it's great for us, it's terrible for you guys. You're stuck listening to this.

SPEAKER_01 50:17

But but I've already reached my I only get two free hours a month on the my current podcast.

SPEAKER_03 50:23

So when you find love, you know, you just the the time goes by like like a blink, you know. Yes, yeah, it does. Uh I mean I could talk to Charlotte for until the sun comes up. I mean, it's midnight now, we could just keep talking and bore you guys to death, but we would love it.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

We would love it. I would love it for sure. Uh okay, so we will wrap this up, but thank you guys so much and look forward to talking to you all again.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

Have a good night. All right, everyone. Thank you for listening to another episode of Just Winging It with Charlotte. Just remember to continue to be kind, loving, and giving to those around you.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

Mother Teresa said it best when she said, I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. Until next time, be the best version of yourself and love one another without judgment. Thanks so much.