Transforming Pain into Purpose with Shabana Khushi
Dec 11, 2023Season 15Episode 14
Northern Power Women
Today, we open our hearts to the journey of Shabana Khushi, an extraordinary woman who turned her painful loss into an inspiring purpose. As a recipient of the Person with Purpose award at the Northern Power Women Awards, Shabana has not only battled personal grief but also emerged as a beacon of hope for numerous domestic violence victims.
Together, we explore her incredible resilience, her journey of running a refuge, and how she channels her strength to transform lives. We also touch upon her beliefs in the power of support and positivity, and how she instills these very values in her children.
Listen to Learn: - Shabana's experiences with grief - The importance of support networks - The impactful work of the HALO project - Challenges faced by the BAME community
You can now nominate for the 2025 Northern Power Women Awards to be in with a chance of celebrating with changemakers, trailblazers and advocates on 6th March 2025! Nominate now at wearepower.net
Sign up to our Power Platform to check out our events calendar here.
Today, we open our hearts to the journey of Shabana Khushi, an extraordinary woman who turned her painful loss into an inspiring purpose. As a recipient of the Person with Purpose award at the Northern Power Women Awards, Shabana has not only battled personal grief but also emerged as a beacon of hope for numerous domestic violence victims.
Together, we explore her incredible resilience, her journey of running a refuge, and how she channels her strength to transform lives. We also touch upon her beliefs in the power of support and positivity, and how she instills these very values in her children.
Listen to Learn: - Shabana's experiences with grief - The importance of support networks - The impactful work of the HALO project - Challenges faced by the BAME community
You can now nominate for the 2025 Northern Power Women Awards to be in with a chance of celebrating with changemakers, trailblazers and advocates on 6th March 2025! Nominate now at wearepower.net
Sign up to our Power Platform to check out our events calendar here.
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Speaker 2:
Hello and welcome to the Northern Power Women podcast, where we spotlight some of the most amazing, remarkable and inspirational individuals who are all using their power for good as we are striving constantly for this equal, diverse and inclusive world. This week, we get the chance to chat to the incredible Shabana Kushi, who was the person with Purpose winner at this year's Northern Power Women Awards and is now in charge of running a refuge providing a safe haven for those escaping domestic violence. Shabana, welcome to the podcast, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:
It's such an honor and pleasure to be here, and I know you have the most challenging job, and I know your story is one of resilience, compassion, but the positive impact that you, as one individual, makes on other people, of lives, is just incredible. So thank you. I really appreciate you giving us the time, because I know that everything that you do every day is purposeful and making a difference to others out there. So thank you so much and congratulations on winning the award this year. What did that mean to you? Wow.
Speaker 1:
Humble is an understatement. I mean, it's an absolute honor. It shows the recognition of the work that I've dedicated myself to and the impact it's had on others. It's just validating what I'm doing. I mean, like you just touched on the tragedy that unfortunately I went through, it's finding a purpose, making an impact out of a loss, and if it wasn't for this loss I wouldn't be in this line of work.
Speaker 2:
So the journey just took a different direction, and here I am personally purpose and are you okay if you can take us back to where this started with this absolutely devastating and tragic loss?
Speaker 1:
So four years ago my husband me and my husband we've always run businesses together, so we were practically 24, seven and it's unfortunate he was diagnosed with brain cancer out of the blue, perfectly healthy, nothing wrong, and one day we're told he has four brain tumors and it just changed everything, absolutely changed everything. He was bedridden for nine months and he passed after nine months. It was horrific, horrific, going from healthy one day to bedridden and then within a year, we lost him. But it was a really difficult time in my life. I had really really good friends and family and one of them being Yasmin Khan, who, who's a founder of Halo, and I'd known her very many, many years and I think she, she brought me out of my home and told me just come and volunteer, just get out of the house, volunteer and see where you go from. There is better than sitting around.
Speaker 1:
I think with his loss, my I think I lost everything. With his lost the direction, I lost everything. But I mean my children, and my children are my biggest, or my children are dedicated to them. I think for them it's it's like trying to show them that loss is part of life and you've just got to get up and move on and just be positive, take the positives out of it. It's hard saying it. I can say it now. Going back four years, it's not something that I would have said, but looking back now I'm really proud, really proud to achieve what I've done. It's been. It's been a struggle, but it's been good as well.
Speaker 2:
And he will be no doubt you know, enormously proud of you. Tell me about the. Tell me about your husband.
Speaker 1:
Oh, he was such a good man. It's so sad. He was a good husband, a good son, a good father. He was funny, he was so humble, he was generous. He was a really really good human being. I mean we were soulmates, we had a good life, and that is what I look back at. I am grateful for that. Some people don't have that and this is what I tell my children as well You're lucky, you had a great father. It's sad I call them the luckiest unlucky children. I mean they've had the good times with their dad and we do try and reflect on that and bring the memories up and talk about him and joke and laugh. I mean that's all I can do now.
Speaker 2:
Can I tell you husband's name, Asif, Asif. So, Shabana, tell me how we've talked about Yasmin Coming to you and sort of taking you out. But how did you approach the journey of dealing with such an enormous loss of Asif? It must have been well just overwhelming.
Speaker 1:
I mean, simone, how do you deal with loss? I mean, I suppose you grieve. You get professional support, you focus on gradually building your life, but I think grief is a never-ending process. It's constantly ongoing. There's a different type of grief that takes over you during time, I mean, but I've always been a glass-half-full type of person. My mum bless her. I love my mum. She's always taught us that you always look at the best in everything. And I have a positive attitude and I do try and portray that to my children. I mean, I tell them it's fine, it's fine to cry, it's fine to scream, shout, there's nothing wrong with that. But again, I have three amazing children and then my strength and I dedicate myself to them and I hope I'm not getting proud.
Speaker 2:
Oh, every day, you know, every single day, and you talked about that support, Because when you're going through grief, it's where do you go Sometimes, you know. You've talked about the people who come your way. I think sometimes there's angels that come your way and I think support's different for different people, isn't it? Whether it be professional support or that friends and family. You've talked about the immense support of your three children. You talked about taking with you the guidance that your mum. If you're instilled in you, that seeing the best in things, what would you say to someone out there who's listening? And sometimes we think we can't talk about it. We don't talk about that, we don't just bring the mood down or everything, and actually I think it's really, really important to talk about.
Speaker 1:
I think the advice I could give for people who are facing challenges, if you're facing a really tough issue, is take one step at a time. There's no written protocol. I mean talk to people that you trust, ask for help. I mean, if you have good friends, good family, definitely open up. Don't rush the healing process and never end in processing away. There are specialist services out there who are there to help, who are dedicated to this and honestly believe what I know is hard, and it still is for me actually. I mean, even after four years I still get choked up a little bit, but believe that there is a time that'll come when you will overcome the deep, the deep grief, but you will be able to start moving on and healing.
Speaker 2:
And I think that is that acknowledgement. You've mentioned that a couple of times that never-ending process and being kind to yourself through that process. There's no sort of prescribed way is there to deal with this and through your loss you found purpose. You found your purpose in life, helping others. What strength did that bring to you? We talked about Yasmin, sort of coming your way and saying come out, let us give you sort of another focus.
Speaker 1:
So I mean, wow, it's been amazing, absolutely amazing. So, as I mentioned, I started this position volunteering, so I'd come to Halo and volunteer, I'd do some admin work and from there, helping others. They just gave me a special kind of strength, knowing that I could make a difference with all these people who were suffering, suffering deep, deep trauma, and being able to help them come through and seeing what help we're giving them and how we're helping them to come through. It was amazing. It's a blessing. It's such a blessing to help others and see from their darkness they come through and they see the light. It is an absolute blessing and I think it put my grief on the back pedestal in a way, that I've experienced trauma in a way, and for me to be on the same level as someone who's experienced it, albeit a different type of trauma trauma is a trauma. I mean it's difficult to experience any type of trauma so for knowing that and me being able to help others, it was amazing.
Speaker 1:
And from one thing in led to another and I'm managing the Halo Refuge now, which is a massive feat. Yasmin always wanted to for Halo to take a step onto the property ladder and become a registered social landlord, so we've started doing that. We have Halo's Border Property, which is amazing, and looking to buy another property. So I've been able to do this. I've been able to assist and help and I'm so proud and I mean at the Refuge meeting these amazing women who've been through so much pain and suffering and to see their potential and to empower them and to make them unleash that potential. It is an amazing feeling, incredible feeling.
Speaker 2:
And for those of our listeners who don't know, yasmin, or know about the work of the Halo project, can you just tell us, tell us what you do?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so the HALO project. We're a specialist organization that dedicate ourselves to the the preventing domestic abuse in the Bain community. So black minorities and ethnic black and minoritized community. So you have your honor based abuse, your female genital mutilation, your forced marriage, hidden harms, other hidden harms. We provide support resources, education, advocacy for survivors. I mean, halo's mission is just to create a safe space for those affected, but we offer information, advice, guidance. We also offer IAG to professionals as well, locally, nationally. We're also accredited trainers, so we train professionals as well. We educate people as well into the hidden harms and how to deal with certain abuse. I mean, if anyone would like further information on our website, it's thehaloprojectorguk.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely. We'll put the details in our show notes as well so people can see how they can support. You talked about the trauma. We've talked about grief being this never-ending process, but tell me about some of the positives that have come through this trauma, through the work that you and HALO the HALO project have been driving.
Speaker 1:
So HALO, over these past 12 years HALO has been founded and I think we've offered, I think, about over 3,000 women. We've offered support and guidance too. So finding them refuge, finding them solace, doing outreach support, helping professionals, I mean one lady that really stands out for me and it's just such an amazing story. I mean, do you mind me going through a little bit of a backstory? I won't say names, I keep it very, very confidential. But some of the ladies that we deal with they are basically locked in a room.
Speaker 1:
So this one young girl she wasn't old, she was early 20s locked in the attic. She would only be let out to do the housework. She wasn't hardly fed, I don't think she saw daylight hardly. Now, when she came to us, she had no hope. She was in despair, no hope whatsoever, to the point where our ladies contemplate suicide. It's the last means. They don't see any way out.
Speaker 1:
And when she actually came to us, she didn't understand how there was a service who would help her in her position. So it was really overwhelming for her, very, very overwhelming for her. But we went through her trauma, we went through her issues, we helped, we assisted. She actually started volunteering for Halo. She said that she wanted to give other women, she wanted to teach them that there is this hope out there, there are people that can help and assist and there is a future.
Speaker 1:
She's so. She's happily married now, she's working, she's settled into the community and, honestly, at the beginning I don't think she would ever have seen herself in the position that she is now. And it just to see them excel, it's like so heartwarming. I mean to the point where she I think she was one of my first ladies that I actually helped. That was about four years ago. She invited me to a wedding and everything and we still keep in touch. I mean the immense respect they give you and they hold you on their pedestal and I'm saying, no, this is our job. But I think to them it's more than a job, it's life-saving, it's amazing.
Speaker 2:
And I think, as our person with purpose, when it's clearly more than a job for you and you're here, fundamentally changing lives, being that guide, being that support, you know, creating something that people, like you just said, didn't even believe that existed. You've talked about the new license, if you like, for the new property. What else and we'll put information about Halo Project in the show notes what else can people do to support? Because I feel like there's a, there's almost that level of awareness. It's almost like that that people don't even know this is going on.
Speaker 1:
So I mean, again, they can get in. If anyone out there listening needs any help and advice, even if you're a professional, definitely get in touch with us. We're here to help, we're here to educate and also we're here to train as well. I mean, we offer bespoke, accredited training. So we have life stories that we deal with on a daily basis. So the training that we offer is bespoke to what work we do. But definitely get in touch If you want any information. If there's anyone out there who needs our service as well, we all of the details will be on the website. We have all the numbers. We link the links. We have web chat as well. We do signpost to other services as well. So, yeah, definitely, definitely have a look, get in touch.
Speaker 2:
Shabana. What is next for you with Shabana?
Speaker 1:
I definitely want to grow Halo. I still want to grow Halo. I was speaking to a colleague earlier on then we were talking about the podcast and I was like, oh my God, but you, she has also got a purpose All that. We're so small in our profession, we're such a small charity, but the women that all my colleagues are so dedicated and go out of their way. And one of my colleagues earlier was saying that she would love to have a Halo Africa, she would love to run Halo Africa, and I was like you'll do it, you will do it, you have the right mindset and I know she will do it and I can see her doing it.
Speaker 1:
But we just want to expand, we want to get bigger, we want to educate and eradicate the harms, the hidden harms, in our community. I think by our education we will be able to do that and definitely want to become larger in the registered social landlords section. I mean, it's so difficult because the challenges that the BME community faces, they're all unique challenges. There's cultural stigma, there's language barriers, there's support services that don't understand Unfortunately, they don't understand survivors' background or religion. So it's important to address these issues and educate everyone and help everyone equally. Definitely.
Speaker 2:
Shivana, you're absolutely. I know we talk about inspirational role models, but you really are. I'll say we'll be so, so proud and I'm so, so delighted that we've been able to find some time to hear about you, your story, your resilient journey and the impact that you're making on and changing lives now. Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast. Thank you so much. Thank you, simone, thank you and thank you to all of you listening out there. I'm sure you'll agree an absolute, phenomenal story.
Speaker 2:
Please do check out the Halo project and see how you can get involved. I think some the really important is about their education out there as well. So please do get involved and stay connected with us on all of our socials at North Power Women, on Twitter and Northern Power Women and all the others and Lee, we're a review. We love to hear your thoughts and your stories as well. So, thank you so much and stay connected with us on our digital hub, the Power Platform. We are powernet. Thank you so much for joining. This is the Northern Power Women podcast and what goes on media production.