Ravi: [Excited and disbelieving] I’ve….I’ve done it….I’ve done it? I’VE DONE IT!! Oh my gods…oh my gods…OH MY GODS! This is incredible…the implications are…are…unfathomable! I need to tell someone!
[Runs welling and whooping into the corridor…keeps going until he arrives at the Sangha’s door]
Ravi: [Knocking excitedly] Sangha Adrastea! Sangha Adrastea! Sangha Adrastea!
[Door opens suddenly]
Adrastea: [Calmly, Serenely, almost sleepily] Brother Ravi…what is the matter? You have disturbed my meditations…
Ravi: Sangha! It’s wonderful! It’s so wonderful! All of our hopes and dreams have been realised!
Adrastea: How wonderful!...
[Awkward pause]
Ravi: You have no idea what I am talking about…
Adrastea: No. None at all but I am very pleased for all of us nonetheless.
Ravi: Come! Come! I must show you!
Adrastea: [Yawning] I was in the most delightful trance just now Brother Ravi. A truly deep meditation. Can all of our hopes and dreams wait another hour or two?
Ravi: Not at all! I promise you, you will want to see this!
Adrastea: Oh O-euhhh [Pulled away by the hand by Brother Ravi] Oh my!
[Sounds of hurried footsteps padding down the stone hallways]
Ravi: It’s just through here!
Adrastea: Well… aren’t you going to open the door?
Ravi: Please, Sangha…close your eyes.
Adrastea: Ravi…We have been through this. I know it is lonely here, but we can’t just pick and choose which vows to-
Ravi: [Interrupting] No! No! its not that! This is so much better!
Adrastea: [Unconvinced] Hmmmmm…Okay…but if I sense any funny business…you’ll get…
Ravi: I know, I know- a swift kick in the vow breaker. I promise, I’d never stoop to such tricks! This is truly a marvel! Please Sangha- Cover your eyes!
Adrastea: [Covering her eyes] Okay Brother Ravi. I am covering my eyes.
Ravi: Promise you won’t peak!
Adrastea: [sigh] I promise not to peak.
Ravi: Excellent!
[Sound of door opening- low magic thrum in the air, sound of slow footsteps as Adrastea is guided in by Ravi]
Ravi: This way Sangha…careful…watch the threshold.
[Sound of Adrastea tripping on the threshold]
Adrastea: Oooo!
Ravi: I said watch the threshold! Please be careful Sangha!
Adrastea: I am sorry Ravi… I had hoped you might help me over it…with me being sworn to blindness…What is that sound?...
Ravi: [Excited sound] Hehee
Adrastea: Ravi… I am getting some very bad…vibes…and…I think my hair is standing on end….
Ravi: Isn’t it wonderful!
Adrastea: Might I uncover my eyes now Brother Ravi?
Ravi: Oh sorry! Of course.
Adrastea: [Sighs]
Ravi: Behold!
Adrastea: By the gods…what…what is it?!
Ravi: Can’t you tell?
Adrastea: No Ravi…It looks like a doorway? A portal?
Ravi: Yes! Yes! But to where?
Adrastea: A shifting sea of blackness?
Ravi: [Deflated] Well…Well no…the other side is not visible from here…[regaining momentum] that is the veil! But beyond the veil is…?
[Expectant pause]
Adrastea: [Smiling politely]…Death?
Ravi: [Shocked] What? No! What have I been working on all these years? My primary area of research and study?
Adrastea:…something to do with…..[awkward pause]… portals?
Ravi: [very deflated] You don’t know what my specialty is do you?
Adrastea: Well…there are a great many brothers and sisters at the Nymphaeum… it is difficult to keep track of-
Ravi: [Hurt] You are my mentor! You…you congratulated me last year, in front of the entire assembly… on my amazing work…you said that I was an inspiration to the entire order and that my work was ‘transformational’…
Adrastea: [Reassuring] and I am quite certain it is…whatever it is…
Ravi: Whilst my brothers and sisters have been deep in meditation or burying their heads in ancient scrolls looking for wisdom…I have been driving us forward on the wings of enterprise and innovation!
Adrastea: So…you have been ignoring your assigned duties?
Ravi: No!...Well…I mean yes…a little bit of course…but it’s not like anyone noticed…
Adrastea: Well brother Ravi… I am noticing now…
Ravi: Right! Yes! But this is beyond anything we could have discovered in the dusty and spoiled old parchments! Why look for the truth in the words of dead scholars when we can find it for ourselves!
Adrastea: Okay…So… What is it?
Ravi: You really can’t tell?
Adrastea: In the name of all that is holy Ravi! Tell me what it is!
Ravi: [unbelievably excited] It’s a portal to them! It’s a doorway to the celestial plane!
Adrastea: What?..
Ravi: Truly! It is a masterwork!
Adrastea: How could you possibly?
Ravi: I’ve had adventurers and researchers collecting the pieces for years. The Huntu Kivi… [increasing in speed and breathlessness] Everyone thought that they had been lost- that the Darklands had swallowed them forever! But the truth was very different! They were scattered and we had to mix and match from different sites and I tell you! figuring out the combinations and the right incantations was no easy feat but I did it… I did it! I did It Adraste….I..I.I..I mean Sangha Adrastea…
Adrastea: Ravi…this…this…have you tested it?
Ravi: Well…no…but I am very confident!
Adrastea: Then what are we waiting for?
Ravi: What? Wait…what do you mean?
Adrastea: You have created a portal to the celestial plane, Ravi! The people of La Tari have been suffering from the absence of our gods for so long…They are crying out for their guidance! For their wisdom! For their salvation! What are we waiting for?! We must go through! We must meet them!
Ravi: We? You…you…mean…me?
Adrastea: and me!
Ravi: What? Through…through there?
Adrastea: Yes Ravi! Weren’t you the one bemoaning us simply praying, meditating, and reading old books?! Don’t you want to drive forward on the wings of…enter…ovision…tion?
Ravi: Well…yes…yes…but I hardly think that I should be…I mean…me? Meeting the gods?
Adrastea: Who better brother Ravi!? You are the one who found the path to them!
Ravi: Well…Yes….Yes…I rather think I did…Didn’t I. Ummm…Well errr…let me pack a few things and put in the applications for an expedition and make sure we send some animals through first….uhhh….and then..
Adrastea: It’s the celestial plane Ravi! We don’t need to take a thing!
[Sound of Adrastea pulling Ravi by the hand]
Ravi: [Panicked] Ahhhh! Sangha no!
[Swirling whooshing chaotic and terrifying noises as Ravi and Adrastea transit through the portal]
Adrastea/Ravi: [falling] aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! [rough landing] oooooof!
[Sounds of Adrastea and Ravi getting up and dusting themselves off]
Ravi: Sangha! Are you okay?...[heaves as he helps her up]
Adrastea: [smarting and grunting with effort as she gets up] mmmmm…yes…yes….my face broke my fall mostly…
Ravi: [looking around in wonderment] Where….where are we?
Adrastea: The celestial plane you said….right?
Ravi: ummm….yes….yes of course… it’s just….it’s a little darker than I expected…and….barren….
Adrastea: This is probably just the foyer or something…
Ravi: You’d think the Foyer of the Hall of the gods would be a little…less…empty….
Adrastea: Maybe it’s the road to it? You know, like the carriage track to the Nymphaeum… Old dusty track that leads to the glorious halls of the temple…
Ravi: Yes…Yes…maybe that’s it…
Adrastea: I think I can see some movement up ahead… perhaps it’s the welcoming committee?
Ravi: I really rather think we should stay close to the por….where is the portal?!
Adrastea: [Voice fading as she runs further away] Come on Ravi! Come on! There are people up ahead!
Ravi: Oh gods! Adrastea….Sangha! Wait for me! [running footsteps on gravel]
[sounds of thousands of shuffling feet and moaning]
Ravi: Sangha! [Panting out of breath] Sangha! [puffing and wheezing] The portal…the portal is… Who are all of these people?
Adrastea: I…don’t…know…. but they all seem a little….
Ravi: Vacant?
Adrastea: Hello! Hello there! Excuse me!
Ravi: Sangha…I don’t think….
Adrastea: Well, this is just typical! We arrive on the celestial plane and there is a queue for as far as the eye can see! I thought this was supposed to be a brand-new discovery Ravi? It looks like every sentient and their pets are here! And worse than that- everyone here is just an ignorant mouth breather! Not a single one of them will respond!
Ravi: Sangha…I don’t think this is a line…and I don’t think…they are breathing…at all.
Adrastea: Well, what else could it be?
[Voice appears from behind, startling both Ravi and Adrastea]
Pekko: Hei Rakas!
Ravi/Adrastea: Oh!
Pekko: [Reassuring] Anteeksi, ei ollut tarkoitus pelotella sinua.
Ravi: What?! Who…who the devil are you?!
Pekko: [reassuring] onko tämä parempi?
Adrastea: Are you speaking…Ketelen?
Pekko: Ah! It’s Vox! You’re speaking Vox! I knew I’d get it eventually! You’ll have to excuse me! I get them all muddled up sometimes! You two must be new arrivals! Let me guess….mmmmm….you seem like a couple…
Adrastea: We’re not…we’re not a…
Pekko: Nice robes….well fed
Ravi: Well fed? Are you calling me..
Pekko:…not all bloodied up…mmmmmm….Drowned on a pleasure cruise?
Adrastea: What?
Pekko: Nah…nah…you’d be all wet!... Death by sexual misadventure?
Ravi: Excuse me?!
Pekko: Can’t be…I can’t see any rope burns anywhere…[manipulating Ravi’s face to move it side to side] that’s usually the give-away.
Ravi: Excuse me sir! Please don’t touch my face like that!
Pekko:… Well…I’m stumped… and that’s a shame because I’m on for three hundred in a row! Hate to break a streak!
Adrastea: Excuse me…Mr….
Pekko: Please…call me Pekko!
Adrastea: Pekko! Were you speaking Ketelen just now?
Pekko: Well, I tried VanhaKieli…but yeah I thought you might be Keteli. You are both pasty enough.
Ravi: I’m sorry….you thought we might be Keteli?
Pekko: or Vanhan…like…yeah.
Adrastea: You thought that we were from a civilisation which died out… before the new age?
Pekko: No way! Has it been that long?...That’s crazy… a new age eh? How’s all that going then?
Ravi: Who in the hells are you man!?
Pekko: Sorry bud, didn’t realise you were hard of hearing. [slow and loud] I. AM. PEKKO….PEEEEEKKKKO.
Adrastea: You will have to excuse my friend…we are both a little…disoriented by the journey here…and a little lost.
Pekko: Now that’s the nicest way I’ve heard it put yet! Usually people are like… running around…screaming freaking out coming to terms with their gruesome and untimely death but you guys….you guys are like…really chill about it. ‘Disoriented’… I guess so yeah…so you must have like died in your sleep or something then? Or like be like just really ready for the passing? Was it a long illness?
Ravi: Excuse me?! Did you say death?
Pekko: Yeah fella. Your hearing is really bad, right? That’s weird…coz usually all that stuff just sorts itself out when you get here…death yeah… You haven’t worked that out yet? Your dead. The dying bit usually gives it away.
Ravi: I AM NOT DEAD!
Adrastea: What brother Ravi means to say is…sorry we haven’t introduced ourselves… I am Sangha Adrastea…This is Brother Ravi… We are from the Nymphaeum at Celis… and we are pilgrims to the celestial plane.
Pekko: Not following. But don’t worry, we’ll have loads of time to get up to speed. Only way to avoid ending up like those sorry bastards is to keep yourself sociable!
[shuffling and groaning]
Adrastea: So, this isn’t the queue to the hall of the gods?
Pekko: No no no! These here…these are ‘the lost’.
Adrastea: I see… so maybe there won’t be a wait after all…could you…by any chance point us in the direction of the Hall of the Gods?
Pekko: Wow…you are disoriented.
Ravi: Sir! You are making this really rather unpleasant experience all the worse with your confusing disposition and lack of clarity! We are here on the celestial plane to meet the gods! We travelled through a portal…we did not die! Now, could you please be more helpful than you have been so far and point us in the right direction!
Pekko: Death by portal? Haven’t had one of those before…unless you count being crushed by a portcullis?…interesting….Celestial plane you say? [sucks in breath] This is not the celestial plane.
Ravi: What?!
Adrastea: Then where are we Pekko?
Pekko: This is the endless sea. The unending ocean. The eternal depths…the infinite-
Ravi: Nonsense!
Pekko: I mean…I can see your confusion…you know….with the whole thing being so…
Adrastea: Dry?
Pekko: Right! It is infinite though! And it’s still a bit damp in places, I’ve checked!
Adrastea: And you said that these people…
Pekko: The lost.
Adrastea: The lost… you said they were…
Pekko: Lost.
Ravi: Gods dammit man!
Adrastea: What happened to them?
Pekko: Happens to everyone eventually…apparently. Stuck here long enough…you just kind of check out… join the ol’ throng and mill about.
Adrastea: and how long have you been here Pekko?
Pekko: Me? I dunno. A good long while by the sounds of it. Longer than that guy over there….but shorter than that guy over there and obviously much longer than you.
Adrastea: Do you have no way of telling time here?
Pekko: We do! But it doesn’t translate well.
Adrastea: Ah so there are more people here like you…I mean not like them? Good! Why don’t you try us. We are learned people. Maybe we can make sense of it.
Pekko: [sucks in breath] At least 3,413,654,613 games of tickle my tum…give or take… It took a while to set up the tournament and I am not always playing…I did do that exploration of the endless ocean…plus I might have missed out on a game flapping my gums with you two…so it’s a rough estimate.
Ravi: This man…is completely insane!
Pekko: It’ll make more sense if I just show you. Come on… come with me…
[sound of Pekko wandering off… beckoning to Ravi and Adrastea]
Ravi: [hushed tones] You can’t seriously mean to follow this mad man?!
Adrastea: [hushed tones] What else are we going to do? This lot aren’t going to be much use…maybe he can tell us something useful…
[Shuffling and Groaning]
Ravi: [hushed and frustrated tones] We need to find another portal….or…or make one! We can’t stay in this place… I don’t know what it is, but this is not the celestial plane!
Adrastea: [hushed tones] He said as much and you know as well as I, that the endless sea is a passage way to all the other realms. If this is…as Pekko says…the endless sea…then he may be able to help us find a way to the celestial plane…or home.
Ravi: [Hushed and frustrated tones] I don’t trust him! He is…he is… very strange!
Adrastea: You jumped through a portal to another plane of existence and expected to find what?…. The familiar? Come on! Let’s follow before we lose track of him!
[sound of Adrastea bounding off]
Ravi: I didn’t jump through! You dragged me! Sangha! Sangha! How on La Tari?! Sangha!
[Sound of Ravi bounding after Adrastea]
[Sounds of huge numbers of people playing games- some playing tig, some playing noughts and crosses, some playing ‘tickle my tum’, some playing bulldog, some playing rock paper scissors…you get it]
Pekko: Welcome to Callineb!
Adrastea: Well…this is not what I expected.
Pekko: Pretty standard reaction. What was it that subverted the ol’ expectations then?
Adrastea: If I am honest…it was the vast number of…are they all horribly mutilated?
Pekko: Not all of them but yeah a fair few. So many nasty ways to go.
Adrastea: I see. Well…the huge numbers of maimed people running around and…touching each other?
Pekko: Oh no! how sad! Don’t tell me you’ve never played a game, my dear? You must have been a child once?
Adrastea: Is that what they are doing? Oh my! Yes! Those two over there are playing ‘Chase the Spawnborn’! and are those ones playing Uruk, Nix, Drake?
Pekko: Salt the earth…where did you grow up? The names of your games are a little racist, aren’t they? But yeah…people have got all kinds of names for them but it’s amazing how similar they all are in practice, no matter where folk are from. It’s great when someone shows up with a new one or gets a bit creative but at this point, I feel like I’ve seen them all.
[Ravi arrives panting and out of breath]
Ravi: By…[puffing]…the…[panting]…gods….[wheezing]…they are….all mad!
Adrastea: They are just playing children’s games Ravi.
Ravi: I can… see that Sangha…I stand by…my statement.
Pekko: Fancy a game?
Ravi: I’ll pass thank you!
Adrastea: Do you mind me asking…but…why is everyone…. why games? And why everyone? Shouldn’t they be doing…I don’t know…spirit stuff?
Pekko: Spirit stuff? Look around my dear! Do you see anything else to do here?
Adrastea: No…No…I suppose not. I just rather thought the afterlife would be…a little…more…
Pekko: Significant?
Adrastea: Yeah…and a little less…
Pekko: Bleak?
Adrastea: Yeah…
Ravi: This can’t be all there is… I mean…the gods…
Pekko: Oh! Of course not! Don’t fret your head! Not everyone ends up here, playing games with us lot. This place would be a lot busier if they did! This is just what stops those stuck here from turning into ‘the lost’ or you know ‘berserkers’ or the like. Keeps everyone nice and sociable…gets a bit of competition in there…good for the health.
Ravi: But you said they are dead?
Adrastea: Got to look after the soul too my friend! Best to have a holistic view of your health in my opinion…although…come to think of it…once you’re dead…health does become a bit one dimensional! So, I take your point!
Adrastea: Wait…did you say ‘berserkers’?
Ravi: Berserkers?!
Pekko: Right yeah…Berserkers…Right bastards. All ways interrupting the game and making us lose track! Running off with participants…honestly a bloody nuisance.
Ravi: What do you mean running off with people? To do what?!
Pekko: I mean…not much really…they give it a good go like…slashing and ripping and tearing…bit of biting normally too…but it’s all in vain really. Everyone has already kicked the bucket like…so it’s just a bit of an interruption. Honestly, sometimes it breaks up the routine so it’s not all bad.
Adrastea: Kicked the bucket?
Pekko: Right sorry, yeah…you’ll have to excuse the idiom…pick them up from everywhere. I like that one…it’s almost as good as ‘shuffled off’. Tickles me it does.
Ravi: So, these ‘beserkers’…they can’t actually do any harm?
Pekko: Right! So long as you are dead, they can’t harm you.
Adrastea: But we are not dead Pekko…
Ravi: Right!
Pekko: Really struggling to come to terms with this aren’t you!
Ravi: I told you! We travelled here through a portal! We used the Huntu Kivi stones! WE AREN’T DEAD!
[Pekko pinches Ravi]
Ravi: Owww! Why would you pinch me?!
Pekko: Weeeeeeeell, look at that! Yous are planeswalkers then? That a novelty. I don’t think I’ve seen any planeswalkers here since…well since I first got here honestly! How’s all that going for you then?
Adrastea: It’s…it’s our first time…
Ravi: That’s right! Noone has been able to travel the planes in millennia! And I figured it out! So, you get it now? We. Are. Not. Dead.
Pekko: In that case…you probably wanna steer clear of the ‘berserkers’. They will mess you up! Speaking of which…I think I can see a pack heading this way…probably best to… well…don’t run…they like that…maybe just…dodge and weave.
[sounds of Berserkers hissing and growling and attacking accompanied by sounds of mildly irritated people protesting about the interruption or about being dragged away]
Pekko: Come on guys! She’s the raining champ! You can’t drag her away! We are barely up to the quarter-finals! Honestly! Bloody Berserkers!
Adrastea: [worried] ummm…Pekko….is there anywhere we could hide? These things are…
Ravi: [Total panic] They are hideous?! In the name of all that is holy! What happened to them?!
Pekko: Sorry my love…as you can see…there is nothing for as far as the eye can see. Nowhere to hide…nowhere to secret oneself from this menace…nowhere to conceal the body from the eyes of-
Adrastea: What about that thing over there!? It looks like a giant mound with caves in it..
Pekko: The Colossus? I mean… Yeah sure… I guess you could hide there…
Adrastes: Ravi! Come with me!
[Sound of Ravi and Adrastea running away]
{reverb increase as they enter the colossus}
[panicked breathing of Adastrea and Ravi…Ravi’s begins hyperventilating]
Adrastea: [comforting] Okay Ravi….Okay….calm down…Ravi….we are safe now….that’s alright…
[sounds of snarling and hissing and mild complaint in distance]
Ravi: Safe?! Safe?! Did you see those things?! How can we be safe in here with those monstrosities outside?!!!
Adrastea: Deep breaths now Ravi… Deep breaths…you know what happens when you get over stimulated…
Ravi: Adrastea! You dragged me here! You dragged me into this place! [Hyperventilating] I should be at the Nymphaeum…I should be celebrating my achievement! I am not like you Adrastea! I’ve never been adventuring! [Hyperventilating] The…furthest….I’ve gone…is…the…Botanical Gardens…in….Celis [Faints body hits ground]