Off The Record:Fighting Chickens, Arguing Words, Eating People

A cozy studio, too many Christmas decorations, and a pair of friends ready to argue about everything that matters—and a lot that doesn’t. We launch with a ridiculous “would you rather” (fight a chicken at every car door or one lion a year) and somehow end up in a serious conversation about risk, survival instincts, and how people make decisions when nothing is simple. Along the way, we get loud about regional dialects (Appalachia or Appalachian, creek or crick, pen or pin) because words are culture, and culture is identity.

The conversation swerves into holiday classics, Cars rankings, and a quick tour of unlikely music heroes before the controllers come out. Red Dead Redemption 2 gets both love and side-eye for its pacing and punishing randomness. Bethesda fans will feel seen, with Fallout 4 faction hot takes and a confession that side quests often beat main plots. Then we pivot to Pokémon: performance issues in Scarlet and Violet contrasted with a newer entry’s surprisingly moving side missions about grief, neglect, and second chances—proof that “kids’ games” can carry real weight.

Food and bodies take the spotlight in a way that’s fun and a little alarming. We laugh at “now with real potatoes,” retell the great nugget switch to “real chicken,” and talk about trust and labels. A sticky vs onion-smell hypothetical opens a deeper riff on scent and attraction, including how birth control might change what we think we like. Mortality enters the chat with a debate over knowing the date or cause of your death, full-body scans, and the psychology of avoidance vs certainty. Things get darkly funny with cannibalism as a test case for ethics and preparation—stew or steak—only to return to real life with ghosts, late-night screams, and when to call or step in.

It’s messy, fast, and very human: a comedy-led ride that keeps landing on choice, consequence, and what our weird opinions say about us. If you love gaming debates, regional language quirks, and jokes that sneak into real questions, you’ll feel right at home. Subscribe, drop your pick—lion or chicken—and leave a review with your favorite wrong pronunciation. We’ll read the spiciest ones next time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:19

Uh so this is off the record slash off track slash on a hill slash slash backslash HTTP.

SPEAKER_05 0:33

Hashtag pound pound pound.

House Setup And Holiday Clutter

SPEAKER_04 0:37

Um so this is our first ever non-music related podcast. You're here in my house in the studio. We get to instead you know what's really funny is I make such a beautiful backdrop, and then we have to stare at this god-awful experience in front of me.

SPEAKER_05 0:54

That's my daughter. It's my daughter. She's handsome like her father.

SPEAKER_04 1:03

Dude, that is that is uh that's a lot of shelving and decorations.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Did you guys decorate for Christmas? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13

It's not a lot of decorations. You're a very poor hoarder.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

What what all did you guys put up?

SPEAKER_05 1:21

Uh tree garland. You do outside stuff? Little person Santa. Yeah, we got some inflatables.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Little person Santa.

SPEAKER_05 1:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

So small Santa?

SPEAKER_05 1:30

That's like four foot.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

Like dwarf Santa.

SPEAKER_05 1:34

Yeah, some kind of Santa with dwarfism.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

Like um uh the fuck was Frodo?

SPEAKER_05 1:40

Hobbit. Hobbit Santa.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Hobbit. Hobbit Santa. Does he have shoes? I wish he didn't now.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

Um Faith, Chris's daughter, is gonna be kind of running things for us today. No, never mind.

SPEAKER_05 2:02

We're on our own. Um abandoned as always. So I'm used to it. Thanks, Dad.

SPEAKER_04 2:12

So you you put up garland. What did you do outside?

SPEAKER_05 2:15

Inflatables, more garland.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

You didn't put any lights on?

SPEAKER_05 2:18

No.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

No lights outside.

SPEAKER_05 2:20

That's too much like work. If I let it look like the lights go up, it's like the Gretchen Wilson song where it's like, no, no, they're up year-round.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Oh, yeah, yeah. If they go up, they don't come down. 100%. Yes. I had to take down the Christmas lights on the old house to move to this one. They were currently up when I was moving. What month was that? That was that was October. So they were almost a whole year. Yeah. Damn near a whole year. That's funny, man. Um, so what what do you think of the place?

SPEAKER_05 2:54

I like it. Yeah. First time being at your house. I know.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

You're the first guest that we've had. No, you in in the house, legitimately, you're the first person to ever come over. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

I'm joking, it is beautiful. That's alright. It's got a lot of problems, but it's alright. You're you're like Harley's been telling me, like, oh man, it's so cluttered. We have to do this, we have to do that. It's like his house cluttered is still nicer than my like lived-in home with my five hellions and mother-in-law. It's still, yeah, it's like a Martha Stewart um magazine.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

I want to jump into a hypothetical with you. So I've had this argument with Taylor with my wife Lindsay, and now I want to see what you guys think. And with Taylor's boyfriend Dylan. Taylor's boyfriend Dylan was on my side on this. We'll see. This goes for you, Faith, too. You got to answer also.

SPEAKER_05 3:55

Oh, it's going to be controversial.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Would you would you probably would you rather have to fight a chicken every time you get in or out of a car for a year? Yes.

Chicken Vs Lion And Bear Dilemmas

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Or would you rather have to fight a lion once a year?

SPEAKER_05 4:22

I mean, if we're just going off just the information you put put out, a chicken every single time.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Yes, right? That's the correct answer.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

Yeah. Like, does Lindsay own like padded armor and a firearm?

SPEAKER_04 4:34

My blood was boiling.

SPEAKER_05 4:35

But you can kill these things every time?

SPEAKER_04 4:37

You know, you don't have to kill, you just have to fight both of them. No killing even has to be involved. I mean, I recommend killing the chicken.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

The lion only has to have one, so it's no more of an issue.

SPEAKER_04 4:48

A year.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

I know. Yeah, but winning that. No moving. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 4:54

Like a line doesn't say like, oh, that zebra lost, I can leave him alone now. The line's like, his innards taste good. Like that's a fight with a lion. A chicken, it's like you bonk it on the head and you choke the chicken a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Can you believe these bad shit, crazy lunatics, Taylor and Lindsay, tried to tell me they would fight a fucking lion? They would fist bite a lion.

SPEAKER_05 5:18

But this has been going on for years. I mean, look at the argument, or look at the the the question that was posed where would you rather be lost in the woods and come across a guy versus a bear?

SPEAKER_04 5:29

Yeah. The answer is a man. All day. All day, every day. All day. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

I still choose the man.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

No, no, no. You would choose a bear over a man? No, it won't. Well, here, let's put this into that hypothetical. Let's say this bear is out for blood. It knows you it's coming, it but this bear is coming for you. I don't you pissed off his bear family. You murdered his bear children. You have a picnic basket.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

So you still go with the bear?

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, because it's a bear.

SPEAKER_04 6:11

They're really cute. I feel like I'm very charming, so I could charm a man into not killing me. If I met a man in the woods, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah, I see it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:23

Yeah, I see it.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:25

Me, on the other hand, I'm gonna have a GoPro and I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to woo that bear. You can try to fuck that bear.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

I yeah, I'm gonna try.

SPEAKER_05 6:33

I'm gonna try. Like super troopers.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

YouTube thing or is it a corner thing?

SPEAKER_05 6:41

I don't care what you guys do with it once I'm dead.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Like, make that money. I feel it's like a YouTube thing. National Geographic for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

It was scientific, alright.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

And story and for some reason, homophobic.

SPEAKER_05 7:01

I didn't mean for those slurs to come out. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

Can't believe you started this episode with saying stuff about Israel, man. That's gonna be brutal to have to edit.

SPEAKER_05 7:10

That's why I said it so you edit it out. Harley never Harley never edits anything. He's like, I'll edit that out. He doesn't.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Chris just starts every episode with the worst word, the one that we do not speak of. Nuclear. Can you say nuclear nuclear?

SPEAKER_05 7:28

It's nuclear.

SPEAKER_04 7:29

Nucle nuclear?

SPEAKER_05 7:31

Nuclear. Nuclear. You're breaking it, you're you're you're breaking it down like therapist. Therapist or the rapist. Nuclear. Nuclear.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

Nuclear.

SPEAKER_05 7:47

Now I'm only saying nuclear now because that is how you properly pronounce it. If we were talking regular, I'd say nuclear.

Pronunciation Fights And Regional Dialects

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Nuclear? Nuclear, bruh. Dude, totally nuclear, dude. Um have you ever uh have you ever discussed bathroom habits in your family? No. Why? Like the wiping situation?

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Yeah, that's a that was a dinner topic last time, you know.

SPEAKER_05 8:15

Oh, can you pass the green beans? Don't forget, girls, wipe front to back.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Well, no, it's it's more about like it's more about like so so you know how like you wipe your butt, right? How far how far in? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 8:35

None zero percent.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Zilge nada? No in?

SPEAKER_03 8:39

No in.

SPEAKER_05 8:39

I don't know rubber gloves. And I don't wash my hands. I can tell.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Sorry. I think I go at least one knuckle. You know what I mean? Like, you know. I don't. I don't know. Just the rim? Yeah, just how how deep is your ass?

SPEAKER_05 9:10

Not very deep, I guess. I don't know. You have to ask my wife. My fingers have been up there.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

Like I feel like when I'm wiping, you gotta go like that's that's the cheek there. Like a hand. Yeah. We're talking about wiping now, you gotta listen, you gotta like spread it, right? And then you hand and then you and then you hand it.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Well, like definitely a knuckle, at least.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

No.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Like this do you consider this a knuckle?

SPEAKER_04 9:40

Is that a knuckle?

SPEAKER_05 9:40

I guess it is a finger knuckle.

SPEAKER_04 9:42

Because like that's a knuckle, and that's a knuckle. But is that little nub a knuckle?

SPEAKER_05 9:47

Oh, so when someone says like it's a one knuckler or two knuckler, oh that's what they mean. Two knuckler, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:52

One knuckler, two knuckler, three knuckler.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

With knuckle.

SPEAKER_04 9:56

No.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

I've been saying that wrong.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

Did you know that's an inch? That is not an inch. To the per to the first knuckle? That's not an inch. It's supposed to be.

SPEAKER_05 10:03

My inch is bigger than your inch.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

I'm three. Um yeah, I was curious. What else what else? What do you got? I got nothing. You got any would you rather questions? Yeah. Go for it. Appalachia or Appalachia? Appalachia. Appalachian Mountains? You don't say Appalachian.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

I don't know, but if you live there, you say it totally different than people that don't live there.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Where do you live there?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Are we in the Appalachia?

SPEAKER_05 11:02

No, no, we're not. What does that mean? To be more specific, we're in the Piedmont region. That may be true, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_04 11:15

Appalachia. That just feels weird, weird. Wrong. Feels wrong. Appalachian. I don't like kissing your cousin in Appalachia. West Virginia for sure. I almost dated a cousin on accident once. True story. So I was so I was a family reunion. No, so I was I was in high school or right out of high school and moved in with my mom's dad, who uh I hadn't seen for like years, like very, very long time. And I'm sitting in his dining room, and I look on the wall, and there's like all these family pictures, and I recognized a girl, and I was like, who's that? And my my mom goes, Oh, that's your cousin so-and-so, Bobby. And uh it we didn't do anything, nothing happened, but like we definitely met up for like drinks at like a place, and turned out that we were in fact cousins.

SPEAKER_05 12:24

And no matter what she says, nothing happened.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Well, no, nothing, nothing happened because it was very soon after that we started talking to that side of the family again. We definitely saw each other, and I was like, There is no list. She did end up beat uh dating uh a friend of mine for a while, a couple years. That was weird.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Weird as that is. There's so many stories out there where it's like, yeah, I almost dated my cousin. It's a very similar storyline. It's like I didn't even know until like Yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:23

Oh, dude. My great-grandmother tried to get me to date my cousin. Really? On purpose. No, she didn't. No, no, granny. Granny was physically ill, mentally sharp as a tack. And still wanted you to date your cousin. Yes. On purpose. So at the time, at the time we were both single. And she's like, you guys are just so sweet. You're nice. She's nice. First, second, third? I don't know. The first. I know was it your uncle's daughter? It's my you know third third third cousin? I don't know. I don't know. I think that's legal in most places.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Um far enough, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:04

I really wish I didn't bring my daughter right now because I would have totally been making some awesome jokes. The point is, I think it's Appalachia.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

What about speaking of pronunciation? What about Creek versus Crick? It's Creek all day. Creek? Creek. You go play in the creek?

SPEAKER_05 14:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

You don't go down to the crick.

SPEAKER_05 14:24

No.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Creek versus crick?

SPEAKER_05 14:27

I've never even heard crick before.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

You've never heard crick? Oh, I'm I'm a Ohio Yankee, dude. We got a whole different language. It's because you're Yankees.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

It's like essentially like different dialects in America, it gets so varied. And they are essentially a different language. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Well, living in West Virginia for a while and having half my family from West Virginia, I've never heard Crick. You've never heard Crick? No. The weird thing. Oh my god, are you one of those pop weirdos? Pop to soda. It's soda. It's pop. It is pop. Listen, it was soda pop, right? Okay. So I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04 14:59

That was before the Civil War. And then we won. I'm not calling you Cornel.

SPEAKER_05 15:04

Okay. I'm not calling you Cornell. Hey, Cornell. Hey, Cornell, Cornel. No, not you, Cornell, the other Cornell.

SPEAKER_04 15:09

Like it's on what part of the world you're in, bro. That's true.

SPEAKER_05 15:11

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 15:13

Um, no, it's pop, dude. It's you go down the store, you grab pop pop.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

You say pop around here, you're gonna get jacked up.

SPEAKER_04 15:21

I just say coke. I just say coke or Pepsi. Can I get some Coke? Whatever they give me to give me. I'm gonna afford it. Either way, it's a have have a fun day. I got that morning both. Um no crick, dude. You play in a crick. You have a crick in your backyard. I have a crick in my neck, but you go down to the creek. We use both where I'm from. Like it's beaver creek. The area that I grew up in was Beaver Creek.

SPEAKER_05 15:47

Wait, Beaver Creek? There's also a beaver creek in West Virginia, not far from from where I lived. Yo, weavers.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

We might have grown up close to each other.

SPEAKER_05 15:57

All related. No, I didn't grow up there.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Beaver Creek runs through West Virginia. The one that I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_05 16:03

Yeah, I lived there as an adult.

SPEAKER_04 16:05

Ah. So did I, technically. How old were you?

SPEAKER_01 16:09

19.

SPEAKER_04 16:11

Yeah, yeah. We would have, yeah, we maybe really close.

SPEAKER_05 16:15

Maybe.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

But it's Creek when talking about Beaver Creek.

SPEAKER_05 16:19

Have you ever had your catalytic converter stolen? Yeah. That was probably me.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

But that was around here.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

It's still you.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Crick sound like a word you should not have the same with crick?

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Crick?

SPEAKER_00 16:36

It kind of sounds like a slur.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

It does sound like a slur.

SPEAKER_05 16:38

Kind of look like a crick. Stop acting like one.

Kids’ Movies, Cars, And Music Tangents

SPEAKER_04 16:42

That's what we call people from West Virginia. Fucking crick. Fucking dirty cricks. Go back where you came from. I like it. We shouldn't use that.

SPEAKER_05 16:49

We should use it.

SPEAKER_04 16:51

It just describes hillbillies. Next time we're on with Taylor. What about this? This is a troublesome one. Because this is wrong all the way around.

SPEAKER_05 16:59

You can't say that word.

SPEAKER_04 17:03

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Pillow.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

Hillo. Pillow. Hillow. I say I say it with an E. Pillow.

SPEAKER_05 17:13

P-E-L-L-O-W. Hello. Kevin from Gatlinberg's wife, right? My aunt. Mouden? Mountain? Mountain Dew? It's Mountain Dew. Mounted? Mountain. Mounted Dew. Mounted Dew.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 17:29

Is she Swedish? Shout out to you, Maggie. Mounted? Mountain. That is wrong in all languages. Mountain Dew. Mountain. Boingy Boingy.

unknown 17:41

Crown or Crayon?

SPEAKER_05 17:43

Crayon. Crayon. The crowns. Get the crowns. Crayon. If I'm talking to someone who's not also retarded, I say crayon. But if I'm talking, if I'm talking to any one of my children, it's crown. Crayon.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Can't pronounce lighters.

SPEAKER_05 18:03

And I never made it past fifth grade people. That was in Virginia, not West Virginia.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Make it to the show.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

Pin versus pen versus pen. This is an argument that happens a lot in my house. You write with a pen. You poke somebody with a pin. Pin and pen. Yeah. And then what's the other one? There's like there's pen, pen.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

It's all pronounced the same.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:32

How's there an argument?

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Well, because it's supposed to be pen, hen, and then pin, pin the tail on the donkey.

SPEAKER_05 18:42

But E N and IN make the same i and eh. I'm not you know, I'm not an English major. I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

Well, you know, like the apples and banana song. You remember that song, right? Apples and bananas. Yeah. Shoot me, please. Oh, dude, if I have to hear that song. Or have you guys been watching the the Mickey Mouse Christmas movie? Wait, which one? Um The Harmonica? No, the one. Oh no, not Mickey Mouse. Uh Elmo. The Elmo Christmas movie. No, I didn't know that. Oh, dude, Tango learns how to talk, it's a whole thing. I've seen it five times. Fuck is Tango? He's a dog. He, she. I don't know. It's a dog. That's offensive, Harley. Dogs are people too. It. Um, no, that movie sucks. Sucks so bad. I've had to watch it five times being a parent.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:38

Yeah. I didn't have to. I have to watch Wallen Cars. You like cars? I love cars. Really? The first one and the third one. The third one? Yeah, dude. We got the game or surrounded like the third one. Yeah. It's fucking sick. The racing game? Yeah. So my son had it on his Switch before he decided to break it. And then I got it for the Xbox too. I got it for the Xbox as well. Oh yeah, dude. Every time I go and play like Seven Days to Die, he sees cars right next to it. Oh yeah, yeah. And it shows his ass when I don't play it. It's fun as fuck, though.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Who is your favorite cars character?

SPEAKER_05 20:17

In what?

SPEAKER_01 20:18

The universe?

SPEAKER_05 20:19

Yeah. Uh dude, how am I having a brain fart? Oh my god. Not Tomator. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. Oh, god damn it. Pit stop.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Oh dude. Mario and Luigi? Is that what it's not Speedo? Guido. Guido. Guido. Pit stop.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've only seen I've seen the first one and the second one. I did not see the third one.

SPEAKER_05 20:52

The second one sucks.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

Third one's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

The first one's good.

SPEAKER_05 20:54

There's too many Europeans in the second one.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

Do they just play Life is a Highway in all of them? No. Just the first one?

SPEAKER_05 20:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:01

It feels like it should have carried over.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

It should have. If you're not gonna have it as like the the like you know the song in the beginning, just throw it in there somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 21:07

She could also like change the artist, too. You had Rascal Flats do it. Maybe you get like, I don't know, Sabrina Carpenter or something.

SPEAKER_05 21:14

But you shut your whore mouth, Rascal Flats, baby.

SPEAKER_04 21:16

Rascal Flats? How about let's talk about fatties in the music industry real quick? Have you ever seen Blues Traveler?

SPEAKER_05 21:26

The guy No, you've told me about it, but no.

SPEAKER_04 21:28

Dude, uh, what the hell is his name? John Popper. Guy has to be like 450 pounds at least. But like the voice of an angel and plays the harmonica, like that's like that British chick that was on TV.

SPEAKER_05 21:44

I mean, like American Idol.

SPEAKER_04 21:46

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:47

Yeah. What's her name?

SPEAKER_04 21:48

I don't remember, but she lost a bunch of weight now. Did she? Oh, yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_05 21:52

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Not my name. No, this is an actual, like, just a regular person that signed up to do like American Idol.

SPEAKER_05 21:59

And she has like the most beautiful voice ever.

SPEAKER_04 22:01

Like, I tear up to the show. And she was like big old lady. And then she lost all of that weight. Oh my god, what's her fucking name? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_05 22:10

There's no live chat function.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

She got chat if you're listening. Chat. Chat. Um, she she uh she was older too, right? She was like in her like 40s or 50s, dude.

SPEAKER_05 22:21

Any other day I know her name. It's like Guido.

SPEAKER_04 22:23

Like I she had fucked up teeth too, remember? She got she got freaked up teeth. Um I don't care. That's the point. Somebody would have to monitor the chat. The training, like we need a PR person on screen at all times. Not Amy Winehouse. No, not Amy. Not Adele. No. Did you just type in fat girls in music? Because that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 22:55

No, I typed in British female singers and guest 2000s. That's not it.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

No, no, you got you're you're Googling it all wrong.

SPEAKER_05 23:04

You gotta keyword searches.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Yeah. Singer American Idol.

SPEAKER_05 23:08

Voice You Kish.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

Was it the voice? I didn't think it was the voice. It was one of those shows. Um, and then also another uh another fatty in music is the guy from Rascal Flats with the the voice of an angel. He was able to overcome his obesity to be a star.

SPEAKER_05 23:28

I always thought he kind of reminded me of um Flavortown.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Flavortown? Oh, Guy Fieri?

SPEAKER_04 23:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:39

For sure. Every time I seen him, I was like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:41

100%. The frosted tips. You guys been watching any Christmas movies?

SPEAKER_01 23:48

No. No, not really. Do you have a favorite Christmas movie? Ooh, that sounds super familiar. Is she a is she a big old lady? Yeah, that sounds like her. Anyways, I I hope that I can overcome my obesity in BSR someday.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Susan Boyle. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

That's it. She's Scottish. She was on Britain's Got Talent in 2009.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

That is her.

SPEAKER_05 24:20

Dude. Oh my god. Her music.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

I would say the Santa Claus is coming to town movie, The Claymation, definitely the best Christmas movie.

SPEAKER_05 24:35

My favorite's the one with the um Heat Miser? Yes. Yes. Isn't that walking out the door? Yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Santa Claus Coming to Town. Wait, no, that's not the Heat Miser one, is it? That's the one. Fuck me. Heat Miser and The Year Without a Santa, I think is what you're thinking of.

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Jack Frost? Jack Frost is good. Wait, because isn't Frosty sucks.

SPEAKER_05 25:05

I don't like Frosty. Frosty sucks. Do you like Frosty? Oh, I'm sorry. Like Wendy's Frosties, but it's like that in the the burgermeister meister burger. Yeah. That one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:17

That one's that's the one I'm thinking of.

SPEAKER_05 25:19

That's that's uh Santa Claus coming to town.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

I haven't seen those in a long time. He doesn't let him have toys. Yeah. He's me. He's German. Yeah. He's not German.

SPEAKER_05 25:27

Nine toys.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Chris Kringle, like Santa Claus's name? The person who's saying that that just sounds stupid.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

It's like Yeah, I think in some lore, yeah, it is Chris Kringle.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

His name is Chris, and he gets adopted by L's when Kringle's came.

SPEAKER_05 25:42

I wonder if that started it. Yeah, it did. Did it? Yeah. The movie started the whole Kris Kringle thing.

SPEAKER_04 25:46

Yeah, that movie's old as hell, too. It's like from the 70s.

SPEAKER_05 25:51

You hear that people born in the 70s? I'm looking at you, Dad. You old piece of shit. You don't know how to use a computer. He does not got a TikTok. I think he's even got a following. What? Yeah. What? I've never even started a profile.

SPEAKER_04 26:05

Shut up, dude. I'm looking that up later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:09

Huh? No, God, no. On TikTok. That's crazy. At some point he had a following. That's crazy. Because my sister sent me a video and I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 26:22

They shouldn't even be legally allowed to use it. Yeah, that should be an age limit. It's like it's like that's like gingerbilly.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

You know, as funny as they are, like, dude, no man.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

It's like under 15 and over 60 should be that's the cap. You got this window right here.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

That's your social media cap. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:46

I hate TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

I like your Christmas sweater.

SPEAKER_05 26:48

Thank you. I've had it for years. Obviously, you can tell. Like, I put it on and was like, holy shit, it's to be red. My wife has more than me.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

It looks like your wife wears it.

Red Dead, Open Worlds, And Game Design

SPEAKER_05 26:59

Believe it or not, it's mine now.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

It it matches well with mine. I like your Christmas. We're we're definitely festive fucking people right now.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

Yay!

SPEAKER_04 27:08

You guys ready for Christmas?

SPEAKER_05 27:10

As ready as I'll ever be.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

What do you what do you think you're getting? What's Santa getting you?

SPEAKER_05 27:16

My daughter's here. She's 16. I can't say. I was giving her some shit, and I'm sitting there, I'm sitting at the desk and I'm I'm playing Xbox. And I said something to her, and she goes, if you don't want to shut the fuck up, this is what you're getting. And I was like, is that what I think it is? She goes, Yeah. And I was like, ooh. Ow.

SPEAKER_04 27:41

It only hurts the first time.

SPEAKER_05 27:44

That's what she tried saying. Not taking that chance. Yeah. And don't do it. Yes. Or was it a couple years ago? What country was it that had the giant was it Peter? Yeah, the giant. The giant green Christmas tree that didn't look like a Christmas tree. Someone's like, oh, this will look pretty. People are like, you're fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_04 28:11

It's great. I love your accents. I'm I'm not I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 28:16

Because a Hispanic guy was visiting France. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

I'm not good. I can do impressions, but I can't do accents. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_05 28:25

I'm better at them when I'm not trying. Like if I'm sitting at the house and make one, I'm generally better until like I draw it on too long and it goes from like my daughter just said, from like French to Spanish to German to it's a guy's, you know, beer hole putts and whatnot. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 28:41

We uh we were playing Red Dead Redemption 2 yesterday, while I was and and they were watching me. Um and I was like I was sitting there and Adam comes over. I'm like, oh jeepers, Adam, you're gonna have to get out of here. We gotta go find Dutch. Lindsay looks at me and I was like, get used to that for the foreseeable future. That's great. Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 29:11

Oh, I love that game so much. I actually I did not. Really? I did not. The first one or the second one? Second one. Never played the first one. And everyone gives you. I don't think I gave it a chance. I don't think I gave enough. Maybe not. Because like I never played the online. I yeah, I haven't done that. And Derek, like, he loves, or he did at one point love the online. I've watched him play before. And it did look fun. I just never gave it a chance. I think the campaign or the story mode, like, shit's just like too far apart. Yeah. Like there's like nothing there. And you pray for a random encounter, and then you get murked. Yeah. It's like, oh well, it's just me then, right?

SPEAKER_04 29:49

Like, I I still haven't beat the campaign. I know the ending because I watched it online. Still haven't beat it.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

Didn't he die?

SPEAKER_04 29:55

Yeah. I'm at 71%. I've been at 71% for like four years. That sucks.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

Play a game where the character just dies. I guess that's the whole point of online now.

SPEAKER_04 30:04

Ah, the story's so good, though, dude. From start to finish, like the story is incredible. It's so, it's so good.

SPEAKER_05 30:13

You gotta like westerns.

SPEAKER_04 30:14

You gotta like westerns.

SPEAKER_05 30:15

I love westerns. It is I like anything like medieval, western or in space.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Yeah. Like that's it. Yeah. What? Which one?

SPEAKER_00 30:31

It's a whole genre on its own. Like, I love this movie. Yeah, we're not supposed to watch that anymore.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

Oh, well, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:36

He called them Indians. Yeah, it's like, well, you know, it's not really PC. How about you go fuck yourself? Listen, John Wayne said it.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

There you go. Um I John Wayne. It was his like TV name.

SPEAKER_05 30:55

I mean, he did he didn't use that name when he was doing birthday parties.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Uh, just so you know, most actors most actors that's not their name. Could you imagine could you imagine having to like run your life with a different name all the time? But like late, because there's actors that don't get famous until like their 30s or 40s. Could you imagine being Steve for 30 years? And then one day you're like, my name's Axel.

SPEAKER_05 31:26

Yeah, no, I know exactly what that feels like though. So I went by Chris or Christopher for 16 years, and then my now wife started calling me you know asshole bastard. I just automatically answered you now, so we're good.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

Okay, I don't know the dog's name for 16 years.

SPEAKER_05 31:45

Just dog? Just dog? I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Caylan, Chris.

SPEAKER_05 31:50

Oh, yeah. So in full disclosure, guys, I have five kids. And so it's one of those things where like you you go to holler for one of them because you're and you say seven different names. Yeah, you know, because you're a lazy piece of shit, you don't want to get up, but you you're really thirsty, and you're like, hey, Kalen winner. Uh George, who the fuck is George? Get me a drink. You guys act the same. You're you're both lovable assholes. You, because it's my house. But uh, we gotta get her mic. A little pin on my yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_04 32:27

We should I have plenty of spots there. We could definitely do it, Mike. When when we're recording, it's just like, hey, God?

SPEAKER_05 32:34

God, is that you? Can't be. Sounds like a woman. His image. His image. Oh man. That's a joke. That's a joke, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

Mine either.

SPEAKER_04 32:51

Um what was I saying? Something about uh Westerns. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. So so I'm 71% through uh hoping to get that done over break and be done with that story. But like that story is so great, man.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

I still own it.

SPEAKER_04 33:08

So I mean I might have to delete some stuff and download it, but dude, I was playing yesterday and I come up on a random encounter. Guy's trying to hunt this bear. So I start following him and I watch this bear eat him, just full, full on devour him. I shoot the bear, I kill it, I load it up, I skin it, get his pelt, load it up, put it on the back of this guy's horse, which is now my horse. What am I supposed to do with this horse? You know, shoot it. So I take his horse, I load up the pelt, and then I ride his horse after I looted his dead body, because it's like you're not gonna leave that stuff laying around. So I ride his horse out to the camp, I get off, and I'm like, well, I'm gonna search his satchel.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

I go to search his satchel, horse kicks me in the jaw, I fucking die from dysentery, I lose the pelt, the horse, all of his stuff.

SPEAKER_05 34:10

Oh, that's that's enough to piss you off after you spent the last hour and a half.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

And it took me 15 minutes to get back to camp. They put me back where the fucking bear was. I had to ride my horse back to camp.

SPEAKER_05 34:23

So, what what I didn't care for, same with like uh Grand Theft Auto 5, story mode-wise, is fuck, where was I going with this? Oh, so I'm used to like Bethesda. You know what I mean? Like linear, yeah. Get out of the tutorial and you can literally run anywhere, start anything. But those missions are very story-driven. Like, yeah, it's A, then B, then C. There's no A, A1, A2, A3, you know, one of the infinite things you can do. Right. It's you have to do this and this and this and this. Like on Red Dead 2, I got to the part where I guess they they make it available, like you can steal carriages. Yeah, chop shop. Yep, you know what I mean? I was like, oh, this is dope from that point on. That's all I tried to do unsuccessfully every single time, every single time. And I was like, man, this is bullshit. And I think that's about the point that I sat it down. I was like, nah, I'm good.

SPEAKER_04 35:12

Dude, I'm a story guy. I want that that linear, give me point A to point B.

SPEAKER_05 35:20

Call of Duty story. Like, no, I hate that. Yeah, yeah. I hate that.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Dude, I I used to love open world stuff, and I still do to an extent. Like Medieval Dynasty, I love that.

SPEAKER_05 35:29

Yeah, well, there's no, there's no story. Like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:32

Either give me, yeah, either give me no story or one story. Like, I'm overwhelmed with Fallout 4. I'm still only like five, ten missions in, and I'm like, I I don't know what's next. I don't know where to go. I just want to know the linear side of this story.

SPEAKER_05 35:51

All the good stories are the side stories, right? The main one people argue about all day online. By the way, the institute, they're the good guys. If you disagree, go fuck yourself. Um, the institute, yeah, that's where it's at. And the enclave, unpopular opinion. I don't care. The enclave are the good guys.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Like a better time going fucking yourself and listening to this guy's odd opinions.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

So I didn't enjoy fucking myself, though. I don't do that. You don't do that? No.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

No, we talked about that today, actually. Me and the wife.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:27

You know, but uh, no, yeah. Fallout, uh, I love Fallout 4. All the good stories, the interesting ones, it's fun. Or those ones that take you 15, 20.

SPEAKER_04 36:35

Yeah, yeah, it's fun.

SPEAKER_05 36:36

Legend ZA, Pokemon Legend ZA. My brother-in-law just told me about, I think it was that one. I was like, dude, I don't know what that is because he wasn't saying Pokemon. He was just saying, oh, this and this and that. I was like, what that what are you doing? What game are you talking about? You would, you would yeah, you would love it. Yeah, you would love it.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

Well, it's for the Switch 1, also.

SPEAKER_05 36:52

Oh, maybe this is not the one he's talking about. Is there a new one?

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Well, that is the new one. Okay, that's it. They're marketing it as Switch 2, but it you can stick down the yeah. Everyone that I've seen that played it on Switch 1 said it runs as good as the Switch 2, maybe a little slower, but nothing crazy.

SPEAKER_05 37:09

But not like a difference like Scarlet and Violet. No, my brother-in-law, he was like, dude, it runs so good on the Switch 2. I was like, I heard literally it was supposed to be a Switch 2 game, but they were dragging ass. Like they weren't able to release the Switch 2, and they're like, Well, we have this game, we have to release it.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

Literally, when I put Scarlet and Violet into the Switch 2 and saw the difference, I was like, I didn't think it didn't it didn't look bad. Then again, I'm not crazy, I'm not a critic.

SPEAKER_05 37:31

Like, you know what I mean? Like it's a playable game. I'm used to Bethesda. Is it a playable game?

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Does it crash more than twice? You're fine.

SPEAKER_05 37:39

Yeah, you can bug over it.

SPEAKER_04 37:40

You know what I mean? Like, oh my game. No, dude, Scarlet and Violet just it wasn't it wasn't so much the graphics that bothered me. I mean, the graphics to me looked fine. There were some horrific spots.

SPEAKER_05 37:53

I think it was definitely the graphics were definitely worse than Sword and Shield.

SPEAKER_04 37:57

Yeah, but not not deep. But it was the performance that bothered me.

SPEAKER_05 38:02

It was like oh, you mean like you walking into a new area and getting 30 steps in and then a Pokemon five foot, and you're like, oh shit, nope.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

Well, that, or like you're walking into an area and the game starts to clip, and you're like, ooh, we might be crashing right here. I don't know. We're gonna see. I've never had Pokemon crash all the time, dude.

SPEAKER_05 38:19

Sword and Shield, I've never had them crash.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Not Sword and Shield, only Scarlet and Violet. Oh shit, my bad. Scarlet and Violet, I would get into like the the lake area. I forget it's like Casaroya or something like that.

SPEAKER_05 38:29

I want to say mine's never crashed on me unless I was playing for like 10 hours.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Yeah, oh yeah, I played a lot. I think I have 480 hours on that game.

SPEAKER_05 38:38

One sitting. Oh yeah, my switch would be hot.

SPEAKER_04 38:41

Yeah, yeah. I would play it in handheld mode until the battery was about to die. And then plug it up, dock it, and start playing it again until the battery charged. Yeah, I mean, I probably would play that. I would do 10 hours on that game easy.

SPEAKER_05 38:55

So I had the switch light. So I mean, I was lucky to get three and a half, four hours of gameplay and then have to plug it in.

SPEAKER_04 39:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:02

And then continue playing because the battery is dead. I'm not like but ZA, you would love ZA. It is what I hate. The Pokemon games, now that I'm an adult and buy them, I can, I have the ability to. It's like Call of Duty. Where it's like by the time you're like, oh fuck you. Guess what? We've got a new one. And it's like, uh good thing is Pokemon Home. That's the only thing saving, in my opinion. It's like, oh man, I spent all this time training this. Oh, let's switch it to home, put it on the new game.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

Yep. I will say, because of what I know about you and Bethesda and side missions, ZA is the game for you, dude. Really? Does the side missions make that game playable? The story, it's fine.

SPEAKER_05 39:45

Is it Scarlet Violet Violet esque where the story kind of sucks?

Pokemon Performance, Side Quests, And Nostalgia

SPEAKER_04 39:48

No, the story's actually pretty solid. Um, game freak and Pokemon have really understood that we're all 30 now.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

Pokemon kind of 40.

SPEAKER_04 39:58

Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon. Nintendo's coming for us. Um, but it's like they understand that we're 30 now. So they're presenting stories that are still ground level enough that children can play and enjoy, but elevated enough to where it's like we recognize the emotional impact.

SPEAKER_05 40:18

It g yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:19

I would like to see an adult version where it's like my parents were murdered. Dude, that's where the side missions come in.

unknown 40:26

Oh

SPEAKER_04 40:29

No, full on. Like there's a side mission in there where you help an old lady find her wedding ring that's lost in a graveyard because she put it on her husband's gravestone and a Pokemon stole it.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

There's children were murdered and they just turned into Pokemon.

SPEAKER_04 40:45

That is also true. That is also true. But so you have to find the ring, right? And then you give it back to her. And then she's like she turns into a ghost. No, she's like telling you about like when she dies, she hopes that Pokemon can take her ring too. It like gives you this whole emotional backstory. There's a pet abuse one where you find um, spoiler alert, you find a uh Finnegan, which is a fire starter from Gen 6, um, that's like dying from starvation, and like you have to help it, but then during helping it from the starvation, you find out the backstory of like the abuse that it went through and it was just abandoned on the street.

SPEAKER_05 41:23

Oh, so you can't find this trainer and beat him to death.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Right. It's great. The side missions are great, they're so good. Charizard, yes, Charmander, yeah, yeah. I mean, they were doing it back then too, but they didn't put it in the games. Yeah. Good game though. Good game.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

They had it back then too. Just now you can't really see it.

SPEAKER_05 41:46

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't physically abuse my children. I psychologically abuse pox and pans at three o'clock, you know, like my parents did to me.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

Oh man. Um, yeah, I I guess that's all I have. I can't think of anything else. I I was gonna um do some rhetorical, or not rhetorical, uh uh some would you rathers. Let's do some of those real quick. Sorry, I'm gonna look 'em up.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Uh would you rather be a cat or a dog? Dog.

SPEAKER_04 42:18

Hamster. Let's do these. Keep going. Dog. 100%. No? You wouldn't want to be a dog.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Dogs are trained. The cat can just sit there and they go.

SPEAKER_01 42:31

So you could dogs are cuter.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

When you see a stray dog, you're gonna run away from it. You see a stray cat, you're gonna be like you run away from stray dogs? I don't.

SPEAKER_01 42:46

That's mean.

unknown 42:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 42:47

How do you know it's a stray? It's status.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

We live in the middle of nowhere. They're not strays.

SPEAKER_05 42:54

No, they're they're hunting dogs. They're not abandoned. Where we live, if you see a stray dog, it's a hunting dog or a coyote. Ain't that the truth? Oh, yeah, dude. So look, so I'm working out of town at the at this time years back. And uh and my wife sends me a picture of this this this puppy they found. How do you find a puppy? Well, they thought they found a puppy. They found a baby coyote. Oh, no way, man. Yeah, dude. I was like, put it in the kennel right now. And I was like, this is gonna be dope. And then they're like, no, we're gonna we're gonna go put it back in the woods. And I'm like, well, if you do that, you get my glock because mama's hanging around somewhere. There was other pups in the in the patch of oh, I was like, Oh, this is gonna be sweet.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Have you ever seen that dude that had a coyote? He raised a coyote.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

No, but I've heard stories of people like mistakenly thinking they had a dog until it's like six months old and they take it to the vet and they're like, Yeah, this isn't a fucking dog.

SPEAKER_04 43:53

He goes, he he's got this coyote. It's him, it's a coyote and a dog. He's got a coyote and a dog, and he has the coyote like go and get him beer. It's pretty like, dude, he takes these little videos of him like hanging out on like a cliff, and like he'll be like, Give me a beer, and the coyote goes in the cooler and grabs him a beer and brings it over, and then it nips at him and he goes, Quit yarring me, and he slaps it around. It's great, dude.

SPEAKER_05 44:16

Oh, it's so awesome. I uh I did at the flea market in Richmond. I think this is illegal. I don't know. Probably I don't own it anymore. So what's the statue of limitations? I mean, this was shoot. I was 17, 18? I don't know. Yeah, it's right. You were both you were you were yeah, you were you were like two. Um I went, I had my own place. So I got my GED like super duper early. Yeah, 17 had my own place. I did rent the house next to my parents' house, okay, but not from them. There's no generational wealth there, it's generational poverty, and uh which arguably is better. I mean, it's a lot less things to worry about. Uh escrow? What is that? I can't even spell that.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

Escargo.

SPEAKER_05 45:04

I mean by that I mean French. Um, but uh I bought a coyote pelt, uh-huh, hung it on my wall. It was so dope. Someone's like, hey man, you know, you really shouldn't, you know, you're not supposed to be able to buy and sell stuff like that. I was like, it's a Richmond flea market. I bought it from a crackhead. I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 45:21

Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

SPEAKER_05 45:27

A hundred duck-sized horses.

SPEAKER_04 45:29

A hundred duck-sized horses. A hundred duck-sized horse.

SPEAKER_05 45:32

You just kick. Ducks are aggressive, and that's pretty big. A horse-sized duck. But like one? Like a fist fight? See, this is what I hate about these. They're like vague enough. Like with just what I have in my house.

unknown 45:47

See.

SPEAKER_04 45:49

Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. Let's go with no no.

SPEAKER_05 45:53

Anything I could grab on the way running out the door.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

Let's go public. You're in public. So whatever's like around you in public. So like no guns. We'll leave the guns. We'll leave the gun you have in public. No, I'll leave the gun out. Um I want like I want maces and like a stick. I don't have these in my car. Like a stop sign. But also you're not getting a stop sign. I take it. I take it back. I take it back. I've a car back. I have a car.

SPEAKER_05 46:19

Give me the give me the duck.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

I I'm going with the horse-sized duck. No, I'm going with the the duck-sized horses? Yeah, dude. Dude, they kick though. Yeah, but they're this big.

SPEAKER_05 46:28

It's like a chihuahua kicking you. I mean, they're like it's like a beagle. But with like the brute force of a horse. No, it's no, it's not like Ant-Man where he shrinks down and still has the strength of a horse. It's their horse-sized, or there's duck-sized horses.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:44

They don't have the strength of a duck. They're this big.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

I don't know, man. Those it's like curb stump. Curb stomp. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 46:57

You just need to piss it off. Like even then, it's not gonna like maul you and eat your remains. It's gonna like get you.

SPEAKER_05 47:03

It's gonna pick you up and sling you around.

Sticky Vs Onion And Scent, Love, Biology

SPEAKER_04 47:05

I'm too old for that. But also, like also like a duck's mouth the size of a horse. It could take an arm for sure. Have you ever have you ever messed with a duck?

SPEAKER_05 47:17

Yes, we have ducks on the property.

SPEAKER_04 47:18

Dude, they're their beaks, man, when they latch on, like if they get your finger, you losing a finger.

SPEAKER_05 47:24

Oh, you think you lose a finger? What? What kind of ducks are you talking about? Big ones. Fucking big ones. Horse size ducks. I seen them. One fucking kill Dutch. Get over here, Dutch. Easy girl. No, I take the horse. I take the hundred the hundred duck size voices. All day.

SPEAKER_04 47:50

I'm not gonna do it. I was it would be so funny. It would be so funny to have somebody do Red Dead Redemption. Like mob the shit out of it. But like the just the voices, but like imagine like imagine like uh uh that scene where where Will Smith got slapped, or where Chris Rock got slapped. But it's it's Arthur Morgan class out of your motherfucking mouth.

SPEAKER_05 48:25

This is the greatest night in television.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Oh man. Uh let's see here.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

Would you rather always be sticky or always smell faintly like onions? I feel like I already always smell like onions.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

Uh eventually I'm gonna go nose blind to it, and so are the people I care what they smell like.

SPEAKER_04 48:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:50

Like are you feel sticky or other people touch you and you feel sticky?

SPEAKER_04 48:54

You're always sticky.

SPEAKER_05 48:55

Like if I touch the table, it's gonna leave sticky residues. Yeah. No, onions all day.

SPEAKER_04 49:01

That that or like somebody touches you and they're like, oh, you're sticky.

SPEAKER_05 49:04

Yeah, see, I don't think onions smell that bad. Because people can people compare like certain people with body odor to like, oh, it smells like onions, but then you smell onions as in like you're dicing them to cook and you're like, oh shit, this smells good.

SPEAKER_04 49:18

Yeah, but also like love is like 70% smell. So like if you're if you're yeah, if you're with the person you're supposed to, if the person loves you, they're gonna love your set.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

We're fine. When you fall in love with somebody, you fall in love with everything about them. So this doesn't match up because it's actually it's your body, mostly known for when you smell something that smells sweet or nice to you, like the person's other it's it's what your body is telling you like, oh, for like offspring, this is like the perfect person.

SPEAKER_05 49:47

Yeah, back uh back to a conversation we had in the car. Very controversial when it comes to loving someone and their smell being a major factor in there. Uh I I read this thing where they talked about girls, women, before you before you uh get in a committed relationship or decide to marry a guy that you should go if you are on birth control, you should go off because it changes your sense of smell. Whereas in you might like the guy and be like, oh man, yeah, he got back from the gym. He smells so good. Yeah, it because you know, but then they get off. There's stories of them getting off, like after getting off birth control. Um there's plenty of stories of them getting off, man. I'm sure. And then like trying to have a baby later on in the relationship, and then in the process not having the attraction, yeah, and the attraction is gone. I was like, that's fucking weird. Look more into it, and there's a bunch of stories that way. And I'm like, hmm, hmm, I'm glad my wife stayed on.

SPEAKER_04 50:48

I don't know, man. I think I'm a new parent, so you've dealt with this far more than I have, but there's nothing worse than a sticky kid, dude. Oh, dude, it makes my skin crawl. Comes over with stuff over. I'm like, oh, go see your mother. Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_05 51:04

Ask face. Oh my god. I don't know how often one of the boys will run up to me and I'll be like, girls, give me a baby wife.

SPEAKER_04 51:12

Dude, so my mom brought cookies for Christmas, and uh I opened up the box and I saw one cookie that she made for Adam and had red icing on it and then yellow, like weird, like gel icing. I looked at Lindsay and I was like, because she was upstairs, not my wife, my mom. She was upstairs uh changing Adam's diaper. And I was like, when she comes back down here, I'm gonna tell her he can't have because she specifically made this cookie for him. So I'm like, I'm gonna tell her she can't that he can't have it because it's got red dye 40 on it. She came down and I was like, hey mom, I know you made this cookie, it's got red dye 40, he can't have it. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 51:54

Just like Alec Jones said, it's smoking the kids cake.

SPEAKER_04 51:58

So, so so she she I thought she was gonna be very upset, and instead she was like, Okay, I don't care. And I was like, uh, that ruined my joke. He can have it, he can have it. I got some of those chips. They started doing the chips without stuff on them, the Doritos.

SPEAKER_01 52:18

Really?

SPEAKER_04 52:18

Yeah, like with it's got like none, no dyes, no artificial anything.

SPEAKER_05 52:22

Really? Yeah, I got it. I heard they were doing it, I just haven't seen them in the store.

SPEAKER_04 52:24

There's a bag in my cupboard right now. I haven't opened them yet.

SPEAKER_00 52:28

But I was like, See, they're trying to reach their homeschool market.

SPEAKER_04 52:32

Should we do it? Should we do it here on the show? No, no, no, okay.

SPEAKER_05 52:36

No, what if it makes me want to kiss you? I still don't see an issue. No, like isn't that what they have in like most other countries? Is like like most of Europe, all that crap's banned, Canada?

SPEAKER_04 52:48

Probably. I think dude, we were at Walmart two days ago, and Lindsay looks over. We're in the checkout line, and she looks over and she sees a little bag of Lay's, and it says, now with real potatoes. What the fuck were they searching? Dude, dude, she goes, That's alarming. And I look and I'm like, that can't be real. That's gotta be a marketing scheme or something. Yes, I care. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 53:15

No, before, before I didn't care, I care now.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

Tastes good.

SPEAKER_05 53:22

Yeah, yeah, I'm that way with like hot dogs and stuff. It's like I don't care what's in it.

SPEAKER_04 53:26

Well, so then I get out of the line and I go and try and find a bag of just regular ass lays. Gone, dude. They all say that now. They just say now with real potatoes.

SPEAKER_05 53:36

And I'm like, that's so fucking scary. They could they could be a marketing thing where that's it hasn't changed, but at one point in time for like a month, they tried using fake potatoes, and they're like, now. Well, they just mean now, as in at one point in time in history, they weren't real potatoes.

unknown 53:52

Cook thing they did.

SPEAKER_04 53:53

I could, I could buy that, but I also worked at McDonald's for the crossover to the real chicken, chicken nuggets. So, like, there was the chicken nuggets that were not chicken.

SPEAKER_05 54:08

Yeah, no, I heard this, I heard this, um, I heard this story of this uh this woman whereas in like growing up, like she thought she was allergic allergic to chicken, but like I guess they didn't eat chicken that household a whole bunch. I don't know the I don't know the full backstory, but every time she would get chicken, like a chicken nugget kids' meal, right? Like she would break out in hives real bad. Yeah. So like her mom stopped cooking chicken the whole nine yards. And then later on, she did some kind of like college research thing and come to find out like it was mostly not chicken. Yeah, dude. And it's like, what the hell?

SPEAKER_04 54:44

Yeah, they were mixing like anything that was like byproduct meat of like, hey, here's a bucket of everything we just couldn't use at this factory. And McDonald's was like, fuck it, we'll grind it up and put it in food. And then they made the little molds of chicken nuggets, and then that's what they made us eat for a long time. That explains a whole lot about our and then I and then I was working there, and they were like, Hey, we're switching over to real chicken, and I was like, What? Like, first off, what the fuck is a fake chicken chicken nuggets, so I remember like the crossover, and then they switched to the grease also at the same time, and then I had like the first batch at that McDonald's of the new chicken nuggets, and I was like, I don't know what we were eating before, but this this is what we should have been eating. This is real food. This tastes incredible. What? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:38

I've never not liked chicken nuggets.

SPEAKER_04 55:40

Dude, the difference you probably didn't realize the difference.

SPEAKER_05 55:43

I always dipped in barbecue sauce. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

Yeah, you probably I mean, that was that was like 20 fuck, like 2010, I think, is when that changeover happened.

SPEAKER_05 55:56

Really?

SPEAKER_04 55:56

Yeah, I know, right? It wasn't that long ago. No, it wasn't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:00

Then again, I was an adult and only stole my kids' chicken nuggets. Right.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

You know, but like, yeah, they they actively put the same spices and stuff in to try and keep the flavor there, but like the thickness, the the crispiness all comes from the switch over. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:19

I don't know. Like, um, I feel like if I had like actually, I don't know when this was, but I'm trying to see it. But I feel like I would have noticed because when I was little, my dad traumatized me from using sauces because he once just once. I only took once. I was eating chick with chicken with ketchup and he goes, Is your mother cooking not good enough to have plain?

SPEAKER_05 56:39

I still do it. I still do it. So I'll tell the kids like hope will cook steak or uh pork chops or something like that. And and I'll normally eat first, not first, but like I normally dig in before they do. And uh and I've seen them do it because I used to give them grief about the steak is good. I don't know why you need a one. You know what I mean? Or like I don't need I don't know why you need a gallon of ranch with that chicken, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 57:06

It's like we're white. We know it's not.

SPEAKER_05 57:10

So they'll see me like go over and grab something, they'll be like, okay, yeah, we're good. We can put ketchup on it.

SPEAKER_04 57:16

I think the point is I'd definitely rather smell like onions.

SPEAKER_05 57:19

I'd smell like onions, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 57:21

Circle back. All right, all right. How about uh would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

SPEAKER_05 57:37

Date. Date. I'd rather know the date. But just think, just think. If you know the cause of your death, you're it's gonna be like you die in a car accident. Well, I'm never riding in a fucking car again. That's true. You know what I mean? That'll scare you from experiences where if you know the date, I mean, let's go final destination universe here. You're dead no matter what. You know what I mean? So at least then it's like, I have this much time left on this earth. You know, this is what I'm gonna do. Instead of like a shark's gonna kill you. Not if I live in Montana, and then Shark NATO happens.

SPEAKER_00 58:10

What's it's like it's like a school aspect where it's like, you know, these couple days where you just don't care what you do, you don't care about the consequences.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

That is true. That is true.

SPEAKER_04 58:21

It's like turning in your two-week notice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a like a little bit of like, oh, I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want to. I know, yeah, I I know I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_05 58:32

I'd rather know the date.

SPEAKER_04 58:34

Um, I also agree, I would rather know the date. What's crazy is technology's getting to a point where like we're not far off from that being a possibility, or at least natural causes. Yeah, like they can kind of narrow down now. Like, they have that. Have you seen that machine where like you go stand in it and they do a full body scan and they can tell you, like, hey, here's a list of everything wrong with you that we can identify. No, here are the changes. Oh, yeah, dude, that's a real thing. Wrong opinions, check. Um repeal the 19th, check. But literally, you go stand in this machine and it does a full body scan, and it can it they're using it to like detect cancer and stuff and like diseases and hereditary issues.

SPEAKER_05 59:23

That's if you trust machines, and I'm sure there's some kind of AI element with that.

SPEAKER_04 59:26

And oh yeah, fuck the clankers, but also the cost is not like crazy. It's not, yeah. Like you and I can afford to like you can't go afford to do it every year, obviously, but like it's within reason of like five grand roughly, you know, like it's not it's not out of the realm of possibility.

SPEAKER_05 59:48

Insurance covers it.

SPEAKER_04 59:49

I think they do.

SPEAKER_05 59:49

Really? I think they do.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

They don't know if this is like 100% true, but I remember seeing a couple videos where it's a very probably planning to go to a different country with a great medical program. Yes, that's one thing. See all the different specialists, and then like you'd get like a whole thing of like something.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:07

Like a medical tourist. Yeah, basically, yeah. Yep, yep, it's kinda like going it's now cheaper. I mean, I'm sure everyone's seen the article because it's popped up on like ten different things. It is now cheaper to fly to Japan, go to Disney, Japan.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Than to go to Disney in Florida and then fly back.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:27

Cheaper to do all of that than to go to any of the US locations. That's crazy. And I'm like, ah, fuck it, I could do that. Japan sounds cool. I'm sure they're way cooler.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:38

I actually know somebody who um did the Mario exhibit in Tokyo, Japan. Like built Mario World in Tokyo, Japan. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah, they live here in Virginia. Really? Yeah.

unknown 1:00:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

I used to have them, they would come and visit. Like while they were stationed in Japan, they'd come and visit a couple times a year. And I'd have them bring me stuff from the Pokemon Center. They oh that's awesome. Yeah. I'd be like, hey, load up on whatever. It doesn't matter what it is, I'll take it.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:15

Oh god. They they have real Pokemon now. They've done it. They partnered with the Chinese. They've gotten over their World War II beef.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:24

Um, but no, dude, isn't that crazy though? You can just go and get a scan and it'll like like I want to do one. As a hypochondriac, I want to do one.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:31

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:32

Oh, dude, I do. Nope. I want to go and be like, all right, I'm gonna stand in this and you're gonna tell me everything that's wrong with me right now. Why though? So you can worry about it? No, so I go fix it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

There's something wrong with me, wait till I drop, and that can be for like the corner.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:47

Amen. See, here here look, I'm here recently. I said I didn't think I was raising my kids right. I think I am because I'm the thing. But you know what? When the when the chest when the chest pains put me to the floor, then I'll go to the doctor.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:00

Oh no, dude. No, I am such the opposite. If my pinky starts hurting for more than 24 hours, I'm gonna be like, hey, this pain wasn't here. Now it is.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:11

Like, even with insurance, I've had my wife perform semi-minor medical procedures on me with a kit from Walgreens because I'm not going to the doctor. Oh, babe, let's just go to the ER. I'm not waiting fucking six hours in the ER. Like, I will shoot myself in the lobby to clear room for whoever stays. Like, I got no, he's cool. He just witnessed all this, he's gonna stay.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:38

I know this is a bit hypocritical. Like, my friends are gonna have a sneeze and like, you should go to a doctor about that.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:46

No, I tell people the same thing. Like, no, dude, you should go get that checked. Chris, your eyeballs popped out of your head, it's just dangling there. Like, I'll be fine. I'm gonna get my wife back in when I get home. This shit happens.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:58

I dislocated my knee, and doctors were like, Yeah, you're tore your ACL. No, I didn't. Turns out no, I got somebody scanned, and they're like, Yeah, we think, we think. And someone just looked at one and went, No, that's not it. What do you mean you tried to tell me? No, you just dislocated your knee. That's not what happens.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:14

That's crazy. That is a thing, trusting doctors. Well, so you know, it's like the dentist thing. Yeah, it's like if nine out of ten, what's what's the joke? Where it's like nine out of ten dentists, yeah, recommend this, go with the tenth. Yeah, yeah. It's like, because yeah, nine are getting paid.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:32

Um, no, I will go to a doctor for that pinky pain and I'll be like, hey, pinky started hurting yesterday and it hasn't stopped. I think I've got pinky cancer. And then they'll look at it and they'll be like, no, you're just fat and your circulation is fucked up, and that's why your pinky hurts. And I'll be like, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. So like I'm that guy that's like, I need to go to the doctor, but when they tell me what I don't want to hear, I'm like, I'll get to it, lady. Don't worry. So I no joke, I have had this pain in my inner thigh for almost a year now. I went to the doctor, I waited. I waited six months to finally go to the doctor about it. I go in and I'm like, hey, look, there's this pain in my inner thigh that's been there consistently for six months. Normally I would have been here day two, but I waited it out because I was like, this I'm a man. I was like, this feels like a muscular thing, you know what I mean? Yeah. So she feels around and whatnot. And she's like, you don't have a hernia. And I was like, cool. I kind of assumed that I did. So that gives me a little bit of a breather. What do we think it is? She was like, probably a strain or a sprain or a tor muscle. I was like, great. It's been six months. When is it gonna stop? She goes, could be another six months, could be six years. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:57

Thanks for the copay. Go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:59

Literally$300 later, and I still have that pain.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:03

Dude, just call me from now on when you think you have to go to the doctor. I'll be like, whiskey laudanum salt.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:09

Chris, my left testicle has been hurting for like 24 hours.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:13

We're gonna have to cut it off. Listen, my wife will get the gift from Walgreens. She gets a discount.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:20

Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:25

Oh man. Let me put on my doctor's gloves and kick in the nuts.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:29

This is the same guy where I was like, I'll walk on my knee, and he goes, No, you can't. You're going to the EI.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:33

That's because I care about you.

unknown 1:05:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:41

We shouldn't ask the cannibalism question next. I think we cannibalism?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:44

What's the cannibalism question?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

Cause Discourse groups gonna be like, all right, guys, who would you eat first? I'm not asking a group of questions. We're gonna individual here. Order them.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:53

Oh, let's do it. Who would I eat first? So if it's the three of us in a small plane crash, what kind of environment are we being dropped into? We're gonna say snow. Arctic. Arctic. Snow. Is it the Chilean? No, no, that's that's the miners. Whoa. Was it was it Chilean? Weren't they also Chilean? Were they fly they were flying to Chile for a soccer match? I like the way you say chili. Chile. Chile. That's what it is. I think. Not chili. I mean, I like chili. Like you're definitely definitely going into a chili.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:29

Oh, yeah. I'm getting eaten first. Have you seen me?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:32

I've never flown. I've never flown.

Death Dates, Scans, And Medical Anxiety

SPEAKER_04 1:06:35

But we're preemptively preparing my body before the plane crashes. Honestly, whoever died first. Nah, dude. Yeah, man. No, I'm taking this diabetic leg right off. I'm gonna be like, Chris, there's a lot of meat on this bone, dude. High it up. Loop and guns. Jinners on me. Literally.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:57

But I am always gonna pack A1. But Dan Cummins told a bit. We're talking about where it's like, yeah, I know it's really fucked up, but now I pack A1 and every time I fly, I'm like, that's that's genius. Pack A1. Hey man, there you go.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:15

Um so we've already had this discussion on the other show, but scenario is you're eating a person, how are you preparing the body? Like, what's your I think gourmet experience?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:29

I think I said stew.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:30

You did say stew.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:31

I'm still gonna stick with that.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:32

You're sticking with stew?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:33

I'm sticking with stew. Dude, no, no, this is it. What what okay? What situation are we in? Are we at like some fucked up restaurant? Like in like, I don't know, the Amazon. Don't they still eat people? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:46

You're in a cabin. You have five-star chefs in the cabin. You are agreeing that you are going to eat this body because you have to. Yeah, not because I want to. Not because you want to, stew, but I sort of want to. Stew.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:03

It's a beast challenge. Nice, nice, nice, nice.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:07

We put one guy in a cabin for five million dollars.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:10

He has to eat a body. Do I get is it is it like the pita thing where it's like, this is the cow you're eating. You know what I mean? Like a picture with a backstory. Oh, there's a backstory.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:19

No, I mean, like of the person you're eating. I'm gonna make you watch home videos.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:24

You have to it's still stew. It's still stew.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:26

Oh no, dude. No, dude. I'm tying a bib on I'm lighting candles, I'm projectoring his life, and I'm having me the nicest fucking leg steak you've ever had.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:38

No, it's still stew with like potatoes, carrots. Oh no, dude, we're gonna do some mashed brains on the side.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:46

We're gonna do a nice big old thicky of a steak. I'm talking three inches. You've been talking to my wife, and when I cut that thing, it better be cooked to perfection. It better be like just slightly pink.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:02

I hope that thing where like you get the shakes from eating people. I hope that's real, you son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:08

I feel like we should talk about this. There's this game called Cooking Companions, all right? It's a horror, it's um, it's a game about it's a horror game, and it's it's not like an open world or anything, it's like a set story, right? So you're following this future adventure, it's actually really good. I love it. It's all about cannibalism. You get snowed into this cabin and you have to like choose who to eat first.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:26

I'm so in.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:27

So first, like this mysterious meat showed up, and you kind of remember having this nightmare about chopping something, but you're not quite sure what.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:36

So you guys heard it here first. My 16-year-old daughter is pro-cannibalism. She is pro-cannibalism.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:48

So, like there's different dishes, like yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:52

Yes. No, no, I'm so in. If I had to do it, like gun to my head, and then I'm gonna be eaten if I don't stew. Man, potatoes, carrots, like when I eat stew at the house, I don't get a lot of meat.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:06

I guess I just am that fat. Like I wouldn't eat anything. There's no meat that I look and see. Is there like an animal? Is there an animal that you feel the same way about?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:20

Well, that I wouldn't eat, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:21

No, I'd eat every animal, every animal, every single one. So, what's the difference? Would you eat a gorilla? Yeah, that'd be awesome. They're like 99% us.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:30

Listen, especially if I get to choose my gorilla. Like, you know, like you just choose your lobster or like you go to Texas Roadhouse and you want the smartest one.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:38

Get me the one that knows the best sign language, the one holding the bunny, bring him to me.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:45

Present him. That's why I can't win the lottery.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:53

You can't tell if a new neighbor is gay or cannibal. Both go under the radar so much.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:00

Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah, it's hating on the community.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:09

Jeffrey Dahmer, and I'm sitting here like, was it use?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:11

He was charming. Probably was me. Really good with hand tools.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:16

Did you watch the Netflix series?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:19

I haven't. Let me talk about how bullshit that is. So, in this series, this man is murdering people in his apartment building. Have you ever been in an apartment building? Yeah, I've seen the pictures of his apartment building. Okay, so we all know that walls are paper thin. Like, you mean to tell me this dude was taking a 9/16 drill bit to the side of some dude's fucking head.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:46

Yeah, and pouring like battery acid in it.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:49

Yeah, and he's screaming literal bloody murder, and no one I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:58

Because I could definitely take it. Because, like, in certain cities, you hear someone screaming, you're not going to go check it out. And depending on who you are, you're gonna play it on Tuesday.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:06

I wouldn't check it out, but I would certainly call somebody. Of course you would, snitch.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:11

Oh, yeah, yeah. I must say it's because you're not a New Yorker. If we have any New York listeners, you know what I mean? I'm sorry, but it's true. Get over it.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:20

Send in your favorite story like a disturbing sound and how you ignored it.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:24

And then I'll send that to the police. Yeah. See something, say something, you can be prosecuted. But no, dude, I would have called somebody. Somebody if I heard it. I think wasn't it like Missouri or something? It was some like backwoods, like crack-infested bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:46

Oh, Ohio.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:50

Hear a scream like it's just a box. More screams. It's still just a box.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:56

I don't know. We had the remember that one time we had a fox. We had a fox on the back driveway. I thought it was a fucking chupacabra. Holy shit, dude. I've never heard it before in my life. Like for real. It was me, my wife, you. Was it one of those death whistles? Who went out to look? Yeah, yeah. Going down the high or going down the the through the yard, down the driveway. All I remember is I had my pistol. I was like, if this is a lady in white, she's getting shot. You guys are running. Like, I'm gonna do what I can. Yeah, it was I've never heard a fox scream until then. Dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:39

Ring a ding-ding-ding-a-ding.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:42

Scratched out sort of window, we found out what it was, and he came in playing what does the fox night like one in the morning.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:47

Hacky, hacky, hacky, hooky situation. It was that bad. It was that scary. Dude, I love that song that was like what does the fox night? That was my ringdone for a long time. I love the video. The video made it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:59

Oh, it was great.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:02

Party of furries.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:04

In a mansion in the woods.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:08

If you if you heard a lady screaming, like you like maybe not your house, but like if you lived like in a city like here, if you heard a lady screaming. I'm going. You're going? I'm going. You're going.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:22

I'm gonna call the police first, then I'm going. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:27

Like then you need to make sure you record every single week. You'll be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. You're like, we have reports.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:31

If you heard a man screaming, you still going?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:35

Oh, you're a good person.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:36

Yeah, that's horrible, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:38

I'm locking the door and calling the cops. Oh no, I'm calling the police and going strapped. Like, not only am I calling the cops, but I'm also going to ask before I tell them anything if what I say is going to be anonymous.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:49

Oh no, I'm giving name it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:51

Is this an anonymous tip? They know who it is. No? Okay, then I didn't hear it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:54

Nothing you tell the police is anonymous. Nothing.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:57

Then I'm not calling the cops.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:58

See, that's horrible.

unknown 1:14:59

See, I would go.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:00

Horrible. Then you come to find out like you're like a dude two houses down and his three kids were murdered in their home. Based off of what I recently found out about this neighborhood, I don't know if that's a bad thing. I made some bad choices, man. Yeah, but wait, what if you were screaming? Wouldn't you want one of your neighbors to maybe come see what was going on? As long as it's not Bob across the street. Is it the one with the RV? Yeah. I we pulled up. I said, Oh, there's an RV. I wonder if they're making myths.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:31

No, unfortunately not. Well, maybe. I don't know them that well. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:36

I thought I heard screaming. I hear screaming all the time. Someone's outside right now, like, well, and they're not right this second, but they've been like bassing the whole time. I was like, isn't it outside with the boom box? What the hell's going on?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:46

I hear screaming around here and gunshots constantly. I hear a bunch of gunshots out of my way. Yeah, but yours are fun. Mine are scary. Mine are yeehaw. Yeah. That is terrifying. Why why are there no like new ghosts?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:05

Why are every ghost story about I've seen a meme about that where it's like it's like it's yeah, it's Brittany bitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:16

Yeah, why is it that every time somebody talks about seeing a ghost, it's always a lady in white or like some old Civil War soldier? Also, why are there Civil War soldiers fucking everywhere? They were predominantly in one area. So why is a big area, but like yeah, but like why in New York are people like, yeah, it's a story of the old Civil War soldier? And you're like, honestly, you were nowhere close to the war.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:45

They never made it up that far in a bar fight. You know what I mean? Like it was dramatizing.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:50

Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just uh ghosts are hard to believe in.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:55

Yeah, I want to say I I I can't can't necessarily say I believe, but uh as my daughter sits across the table looking like the looking like one of the chicks from the the Ghostbusters movie.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:08

I was thinking stranger things. Oh, it could be, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:13

Yeah.

unknown 1:17:14

That was fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:17

I don't watch Stranger Things, but like the older brother figure, like the old guy. He's like he's like the senior who's friends with Bresman, like that kind of vibe.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:23

The one who's into the one chick. I don't know what you're talking about there. I've watched everything but the new, the new, like five part of the thing. I gave up.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:32

I gave up on Stranger Things.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:34

It was good. It wasn't too hard to follow.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:35

Yeah, it's not that it's hard to follow, it's just a ripoff of like every 80s movie ever.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:41

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:43

The first two seasons of Stranger Things is all I got through. I didn't see the last three.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:49

Dude, it's great. Really? Yeah, I like it a lot. Especially Faut was good. Especially when they make the commies the bad guys again.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:58

Um, where are we at on time?

unknown 1:18:02

849.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:03

849?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:04

What time did we start?

Cannibalism Ethics, Prep Styles, And Dark Humor

SPEAKER_04 1:18:05

A while ago. Did we? Yeah, I think. It says right up there, it says right up there the the time. How long we've been recording.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:17

One hour and eighteen minutes.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:18

One hour and eighteen minutes.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:19

Oh wow, that felt like 20 minutes. I know, right? This is what it's like at work. When it's like you're still here? Oh shit, I got stuff to do. There's poop coming out of ceilings. Oh, by the way, Harley, I need a plunger.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:37

Um I I reckon we'll we'll call it quits on this one then.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:42

Wait a second. I want to hear Faith, what's your answer? If you had to eat a person. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, what no, no, no, no. No, you have it gun to your family's head. You have to just choose how it's prepared and then eaten half it. Like the same rule with the house, eat all the meat.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:58

The real question here isn't if you'll eat a person, you're gonna. We've moved past that gun.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:07

You could you can you can vomit afterwards. That's fine. Your childhood fears revolve around cannibalism.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:15

And I figured out it was because of the cannibalism thing. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:18

But they're not people anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:20

Big years. Also, it depends on which thing you're dipping up, because that's just a virus.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:25

Oh, I feel like zombies scare you.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:28

Yeah, they I okay so not a walking dead guy. First grade, so concerned I would like ration food up on my top bunk because I thought was like mind doomsday prepper over here.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:39

Yeah, you're feeding into the fear. She's like, My whole family's preparing for this. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:46

Same body horror of the kind of thing. Seven days to die scares the shit out of me. Like zombies do scare me. Like the movies, the game, but I like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:53

Yeah.

unknown 1:19:56

Who's there?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:57

The only zombie movie that truly scared me was 28 Days Later. Dude, that one got me.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:04

No. It's fucking good.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:05

Oh, dude, in like story, because it's 28 years later. So story wise, it's good. Yeah, I gotta, I gotta watch it.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:13

It's good.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:13

It's good.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:14

Because the second one, I didn't really care for the second one.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:16

I mean, it was it was fine, but I it was definitely a continuation, but the third one, oh dude, like like biological change.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:24

And they already have trailers for the fourth one, which is crazy. Yeah. Dude, I'm stoked. I'm like, that movie literally just came out and they're already prepping for the fourth. Did you ever see the movie Doomsday?

SPEAKER_05 1:20:34

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Where they like section off the island and stuff, and you've got like the two tribes, the one cannibalistic tribe, and then the the guys do like medieval, and you know, the cannibals are like punk rock or whatever. So they do the same thing, and 28 years later, you find out like, okay, we've quarantined uh island. Oh, it's fucking it's good. I'm gonna watch it. It's good. I like it a lot.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:55

So steak. Yes. What's your favorite food? Spaghettios. You you have to you have to find a way to stomach it. You're you're man. You guys are you guys are missing out. Doesn't work.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:28

Okay, like KFC kind of thing. Like if you found the bone.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:34

Like a chicken, a chicken vertebrae in my pot pie. I couldn't finish it. And I haven't gotten them since.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:40

Dude, I bit into a raw piece of chicken at an Applebee's and then asked if we could go back the next week.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:48

I was I was like, it's not gonna happen twice. So how how's it prepped?

SPEAKER_05 1:21:56

What's the meal? Harley pot pie?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:02

You know those like stuffed olives?

SPEAKER_05 1:22:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:05

Exactly. No, it'd have to be the grossest thing ever.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:07

I could never say because you're gonna focus on the olives and not the person. Yeah, stuffed olives. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:14

That is true. So you're gonna get a lot of food for a long time. That is true. See, uh for me, for me, maybe I just want to eat a person, but for me, I think of it in like terms of like if you present it in a way that I'm used to with the right seasonings, I would never know the difference.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:38

So well.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:40

Oh yeah, dude, I'm one documentary from left or right, it don't matter. You give me the right documentary, you give me the right flashy clip art, and I'm like, I guess I'm a liberal now.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:56

And it's just like a little sign that says take away the 19th Amendment.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:59

Yes, 100%. Yes. You you heard it here first, guys. My 16-year-old daughter thinks we should repeal the 19th Amendment.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:06

But also, like, if you just got me a mystery box and it was like inside this mystery box is your political affiliation, I'd be like, the mystery box decided, guys. I don't know what to tell you. Yes I'm a fascist, mate.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:19

You guys have those personality pets choose your own identity, so they're like, your gender, your sexuality, your political alignment. We'll just do that with you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:28

Yes. Son, I'm in, dude. I'm in, dude. Nate could shoot it with the cool like like around you, and all of a sudden you're wearing different clothes. Like a video game, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:42

I think we got this.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:43

Dude, I'll do drag. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:46

I'm I'm writing these down.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:47

I'm putting these she writes all the crazy stuff we say down.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:50

We could not just us, but we could absolutely dude, we could full on do a spa day where Lindsay Lindsay decorates me, Faith decorates you, and we have barbershop gossip.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:05

Oh, dude. Did you hear that bitch Lindsay? Oh my god. Yes, we should do that and then put it on a billboard. Yes. Right outside your house. Yeah. Tune in for a good time.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:24

Well, like your challenge, 30 seconds long, but like no, dude, I'm in.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:30

I'll do that. You're talking about I tried to get you to do a blowjob class with me. I will do anything for humor.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:38

Literally anything. Context people. There was a there was a live show where we had a professional. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:44

We weren't like we aren't we weren't searching it. It wasn't like no, she she didn't Google it on a computer or anything.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:51

She's on the spot. It was uh mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:55

No, I I'm all in on that. I also said another fun idea would be um, so we got my mom got Adam these bluey like sunglasses for Christmas, but they're like like super sunglassed sunglasses, so like you can't see your eyes on them. I said that we should wear those and play 20 or play blackjack 21. So like you have to keep a poker face while we tell horrible jokes to each other.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:27

Could we play Uno instead?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:28

That's fine too.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:29

I don't know how to play blackjack, that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:33

It's called like testing your poker face, and it'll be like generally associated with like you know guys know about your academia? Yes, there's so many bad audio clips of like this one specific gay ship, and it's just so cringy. It's super weird where you're like, what?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:48

Wait, there's a there's a gay boat. There's plenty of gay boats. Okay, they're full of I mess with her every time she says ship as like a term.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:59

I go a boat, a boat, they're full of semen. Ah, uh, uh, uh, oh I'm in. Okay, so you still haven't answered the question. This is how she wins her arguments at home. No, she said pickles or something. Oh, you're gonna stick with the stuffed olives.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:21

Don't worry, I'll pick up the rest of her all. I'll be like, is there any seconds of Steve? I'm really set on the name Steve lately.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:33

Is it because he's skinny? Steve works with us. Does he? Who's Steve?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:38

Imaginary character in the casual.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:40

Oh, that guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:43

Carl's another great name.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:45

Carl.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:45

If I was gonna eat somebody, it would be a one-eyed coral. That's a good question for you. If you have if you were you're gonna eat somebody, what do you want his name to be?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:53

Why are you assuming it's a guy?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:55

I'm not gonna eat a lady. I want to get fed. Yeah, I don't know, man. I wanna I want to leave with a full belly.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:05

He had to have a name, besides somebody has to cook the food.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:10

Wait a second, wait a second. So is it like just a card thing? Like you get a name, no pictures, just a name and a backstory.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:17

Oh no, no, there's gonna be a picture. No, I want you to see his family.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:20

Uh no, no, I'm gonna pick someone who doesn't like my luck. I'll be eating a meth head.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:25

Oh, yeah. That's true.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:28

It's basically the same. I think you can cook the meth out of it. Chat, can you cook can you cook meth out of somebody's system? That's a good question.

Ghosts, Screams, And When To Intervene

SPEAKER_04 1:27:40

Um, imagine like you you get like a picture of them with their wife and their kids, and they're smiling, looking at you, and their name. Okay, but here's the plot twist. They're a horrible, horrible human being. Like they've done something super dirty.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:00

This is a dexter thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:01

Yeah, like their backstory is gonna be all of the crimes they've committed.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:04

Oh jigsaw, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:07

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is a jigsaw moment, but you have to eat them.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:11

Oh, well, then I can't I can't pick a name.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:14

Oh, I would.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:15

I'll tell you after. So that's fair.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:21

I'm married the same way. Okay, chat. You heard this. My 16-year-old daughter, if you need 16 16-year-old boys andor girls out there. You know, we better not have any 16-year-olds listening to this show.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:36

Just turn it off. Our demographic is far higher. All right. Well, I think it's time to call it. It's it's been it's been a little bit. It's been. And I know you guys gotta get home. Yeah. All right, guys. This has been off the record track parkour base one, part two. Electric Boogaloo.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:02

Sir, just second thought. It's been real.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:07

Face everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:12

Thanks for listening to the Lincoln Bridge Podcast.