You Need a Coach B*tch

Increasing the Impact of Your Work

January 12, 2023 Chris Hale Episode 37
You Need a Coach B*tch
Increasing the Impact of Your Work
Show Notes Transcript

Many of us want to have an impact on the world that goes beyond people just consuming what we create. We desire to inspire change both for the individual and the world. One of the ways we can do this is to not only challenge our own internalized oppressive thoughts but also challenge the structures, systems, and institutions that continue to deny access to everyone equally.  Join me as I talk about a dm from a listener that got me thinking more about what I want the impact of my work to be.   

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Welcome to " You need a coach bitch with Chris Hale. I'm your host Chris Hale. I'm a certified life coach that helps queer creatives. Take their passion, turn it into a purpose and get paid. If you are looking to make an impact on the world with your work by dismantling internalized, oppressive thought systems by using coaching spirituality and a lot of cursing, you are in the right place.

So let's get to work.

 Hey friends, how is it going? So excited to be talking to you today. I hope that you're feeling good about the start of your year, and if you aren't, maybe I can help a little bit with that. Um, as you know, I've been sick following Christmas and I've just sort of started to get my energy back, and actually I had totally slipped into this space I know a lot of us go to, which was, thinking that I was never going to feel good again and that I was just gonna be exhausted forever. Forgetting that all things are temporary. And then I woke up this past Sunday and I finally felt like myself again, and I got to work taking down the Christmas decorations and doing stuff around the house that I had previously not had any energy for. So that was a nice reminder. All things pass at some point, and even if they don't, I have the skills to manage my thoughts and feelings around that, but the way we feel will continue to change. I've said this before, nothing is fixed. 

The second thing that I think will help you if you've kind of been beating yourself up about the way things have looked the past couple of weeks actually comes from a coaching session I had with a client. So, she had set a goal to pull back a little bit and do less, and then she started reviewing what she'd been doing the last few weeks because she had heard somewhere that the way you spend the first part, you know, the first week of January is what the rest of your year is going to look like. Now, that's not necessarily true, obviously, but,  if we want to kind of like look at the first week and do an assessment of it, like what do we wanna learn from it so that we can move on from there? Anyway, when she did her assessment, she realized she had actually done the opposite of pulling back, and it was actually doing more, and she was making that mean that she couldn't trust herself. But, I asked her why she thought she'd been doing less, and this is where the magic really is. Her relationship with time has changed. Time scarcity is a big thing for her, and we work on it a lot, and she has shifted so much away from that, so dramatically that the way she experiences time is different, and what she is able to get done has actually increased because she isn't spinning and believing she doesn't have time. That's exactly what she wanted. And so this is what I really want you to absorb. She was looking at her actions, and I was looking at her thoughts. If we decide to believe this concept that the first week is setting us up for the rest of the year, then we want to focus on what is going on in our mind and not what we're doing.

She was actually in such a different place mentally, and that was her goal. She wanted to be able to like get more done. One of the things she said she wanted to do was like be working at her fullest potential but like in less time and with less drama. So she's actually achieving that. That's why she was able to up what she was doing and have the experience where it felt like she had actually pulled back. I also want to point out that she is also a coach, so she has all the same tools as me, and she still needed help seeing that. We all need help sometimes. It's why I have a coach myself. It's because even though we know it's our thoughts that matter, not our actions when we are the client and in our own lives and in our own drama, we don't see that. We've slipped into believing that circumstances matter more than our mindset, and that will most likely never be the case. So look at your own brain and your own relationship with yourself and see if you are where you want to be with that before you assess what you're doing or what you're accomplishing and not accomplishing. Let me know how that goes for you, especially as it pertains to what you've been doing or not doing in the early parts of this year. 

So today's episode is gonna be short and sweet, but I really wanted to take a moment to address a DM from a listener and fellow coach, Kate. Hi K. Shout out to you. She thanked me for talking about ableism and last week's podcast. So Kate said, that she really appreciated me speaking about mobility and disability and that she works in transportation policy, and that she thinks about this often for physical disabilities she likes to think that it's not the people that are disabled, but it's the build environment and the design of structures that are disabling to people.  And I thanked her, but I wanted to bring this to you because I think it's so important to address this idea and how it shows up at the center of the work that I'm doing with people. I mostly work with people on becoming their own authority. And the first step to that is understanding where we've given away our authority and why. The why is usually because we have all been brainwashed to believe that there's something wrong with us. And I try to touch on this in every episode. Um, and I definitely talked about it in the first episode, if you want to go back and have a listen, but it was so important for me to come on today and just hammer home this point a little bit, because in reality we are fine. We are perfect. We are worthy, and it's the world around us that is the problem. I often talk with my clients about how difficult it is to exist in a world that was not made for your benefit. And I feel like I drip this idea to listeners, but it's not usually the focus because as a coach, I'm usually focusing on the things we have the most influence on in our lives. And for most of us, structural and systemic inequality is not a place where we can have a lot of impact. But as Kate is offering, which I love, is that in addition to challenging our own internalized transphobia, ableism, racism, homophobia, misogyny, like all those things, right, the list goes on it. It's also really helpful to challenge the institutions that, especially in the case of people and bodies, perpetuate disabling infrastructure and building designs. And those are exactly Kate's words, right? Like that's what's going on. When people don't have access, it's because it was built in a way that excludes trying to give them access.

And that's just inequity, right? We wanna. . We wanna be able to spot that. We wanna be able to see that. And one of the reasons we want to be able to see that is because it helps us just take a little bit of the pressure off of ourselves, right? I'm sort of broadening it again to whatever, maybe the things are specific to you that you deal with in the world, um, that are kind of working against you. But just to be able to like, take a step back and look at yourself and be like, this is not my fault. What I'm experiencing is not something that I called in. It's a systemic thing. It's a social thing. It's a structural thing that is creating the issue for me, and what do I wanna do with that, right? Do I wanna try to effect change? Do I want to figure out different ways to get my needs? What emotions do I have to process? Because it can be very frustrating when you're looking at trying to exist, right? I think that's what can be so hard for, especially the queer community. It's like existing within a system that is working against you all the time. It's exhausting. And I know we all have our own fight, right? So those are things you're gonna think about. But in terms of like buildings and structures and access, it can be really as simple as just noticing when like a store you go to is not accessible and maybe mentioning it to the owners.  Even more simply just kind of opening your eyes to this in general so that you're maybe better able to discuss it with people in your life and help to shift their attention and understanding around it.

Like that's how we make changes is when this stuff becomes important to more of us and how when we help other people, especially when it's not necessarily something that's impacting us, everyone benefits from that.  and I just wanna take a moment to kind of think about how this can impact your work and that's in how you view the purpose of what you do.

So I kind of touched on this last week very specifically for me, I'm working to help liberate people of all this internalized BS so that they can have the impact on the world that they wanna have. So I see what I do as a part of the solution for all the isms and phobia.  and, and I want you to get all freaked out and feel pressurized.

You just have to do this work within yourself, right? So what I was talking about last week about challenging the reality of what's possible for you, right? Through that lens of ableism and, and what Kate's offering us as like challenging how the world is not built to provide access. Like if we just open ourselves up to that and learn and educate ourselves, then you can just let it naturally flow through your work. That's what it does for me. That’s how this conversation came up. I can't help now but see life through this lens where I'm seeing what the actual problem is, where before I was just assuming the problem was a me, and so that I'm able to help other people tap into that and recognize it so that they can put their focus where it's going to have the biggest impact. When I just focus on trying to fix me because I think I'm wrong, I'm not necessarily having the biggest impact that I can. So that's it for today. That's the message that I wanted to share with you and wanna thank Kate again. And I also wanna encourage the rest of you out there to engage with me. If there's something that I talk about that you wanna elaborate on, it might end up being an episode and it could potentially even be a thing where I bring you on the show and we unpack it a little bit more together. So I would love for you all to get involved.

You can DM me on Instagram. You can email me at Chris the only chris hale.com. . I would love to hear from you. All right, folks. Have a great week.

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