Rhianna at the Super Bowl, Pamela Anderson and Picking Useful Thoughts

In this episode, I am giving you my reactions to both the iconic return to the stage of Rihanna at the Super Bowl, and sharing what had me in an absolute puddlewhile watching the Pamela Anderson documentary.   And, of course, you get a dose of coaching while I tackle some commonly held beliefs that, while potentially true, do not serve you in the least. And I walk you through how to choose more useful ones that get you to take action toward your goals.   

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Transcript

Welcome to " You need a coach bitch with Chris Hale. I'm your host Chris Hale. I'm a certified life coach that helps queer creatives. Take their passion, turn it into a purpose and get paid. If you are looking to make an impact on the world with your work by dismantling internalized, oppressive thought systems by using coaching spirituality and a lot of cursing, you are in the right place.

So let's get to work.

 Hey besties. How are you? I am fantastic. The day I am recording this, it's 60 something degrees out in the middle of February, and yes, boo climate change, but mama needed that sunshine today, . Oh my God. Um, there's this hilarious actress that I follow.  Instagram, Caitlin Riley, I don't know if any of you know who she is.

Um, she's been on like hacks. I don't know other stuff. But anyway, she does like these, you know, like bits, right? Like one of them is like, you know, Middle-aged actress auditions for Little Girl, and she like does what that audition would look like. Anyway, she does this one where she's being a tarot reader on TikTok.

She's like, uh, mama ma Uhuh, what's going on? What's happening? Um, if it resonates with you, it resonates with you. If it doesn't, don't, don't make something. Try to stick that doesn't. Mamas, it's so funny if you don't know her. Just do yourself a favor and follow her. Anyway, there's so many things today.

First things first. Fucking the Super Bowl halftime show with Rihanna. Oh my God, I loved it. I love that she was alone and that she had no guests like. . She didn't need anybody. We just wanted to see her. I was all for that. Um, I loved the floating stages, although they did give me like major anxiety. I just like was for sure that someone was going to like plummet to their actual death.

But, you know, I managed my anxiety  and um, the choreography. I mean, come on Paris, Gobel like it was fire. I was dancing around the whole time.  also, I did say this on Instagram and if you don't follow me on Instagram, I don't know what you're doing cuz my stories are amazing, but , um, but. I'm seeing a lot of people posting in reaction to criticism that she's getting, and they're all like, she doesn't care.

Like she doesn't care about you and what you think about her, whatever. Right? Which I'm sure she doesn't, but this is my thing. They are attributing it to the fact that she's a billionaire. Right. And that. Traffic to her sights went up like 800%. And like, you know, she is successful and rich, right? And yes, like I am a total fan for like the power and like badassery of her being like a self-made fucking boss, bitch entrepreneur.

But for me, this is the wrong attribution because it's not about the money. . It's not about the money, money, money. You know, I had to, we don't need your money, money, money. I lost track anyway. It's not about the, it's not about the money, it's about the fact that she is so clear in her values. She is so clear in her intentions and her purpose.

So I saw an interview where she was talking about why she thought it was important for her to do the Super Bowl halftime show, and it was all about representation. Representation for black women and for Caribbean people. And I wanna offer. The reason why she can like not care about haters has nothing to do with her net worth, because if we think that, if we believe that that's the reason why she doesn't have to care about haters, then what does that say about you?

Right? What does that say about us? Like if you hold that belief, well then that is saying unconsciously, subconsciously, whichever that you.  that you'll only be able to not care about other people when you're successful. And this is just so fucking not true. Like you don't have to be at a place where you've completed all your goals and you've, you're happy about your net worth, or you're happy about your job or whatever it is.

You have the relationship you want. I don't fucking care what it is. You don't have to be at that place for you to stop focusing on what other people might be thinking or saying about. So let's maybe stop attributing it just to her wealth and maybe also look a little bit deeper into like why it might be possible.

Like let's get in her head a little bit. Right? And I'm getting in her head and I'm choosing to believe that it's because she's so aligned with her purpose and she's acting from a place that's in integrity with her values. So it doesn't really matter what other people. . That's my 2 cents on that. Another funny thing that came up for me this week because that I was listening to Lost Culture.

Lost Culture Reas podcast, and. , there was this conversation about the fire emoji, like how using the fire emoji, I don't know if it's like in your dms or like when you're, um, responding or like reacting to people's stories or whatever means that you want to fuck them. And I was like, what? Um, because I literally have never used it like that.

And so when I posted about this in Instagram, I got a lot of people. My age and maybe a little bit younger. So like, you know, ziel, millennials, um, and above saying like, no, I use that emoji all the time when I think something's like the bomb fire. Amazing. And I'm like, yeah, me too. I am not buying this like Gen Z definition of fire emoji.

It means I want to get in your pants. So that's that. Although I do love a Gen Z, don't get me.

Next up, um, I watched the Pamela Anderson documentary, and Girl, I was a puddle. I cannot believe what we put people through, and especially women, the footage of the trial for the stolen sex tape and the way a bunch of men were treating. And telling her that she had no right to privacy when it comes to her personal life because she posed for Playboy Naked, like, what the fuck?

Like that was consensual. . So this just goes to show you like back in, when was that? In the late nineties. Like we didn't give a shit about consent then. I'm glad that we do now. I'm glad that like things like intimacy coordinators are a thing and you know, we've really sort of flipped that discussion, but like, wow, I just was like just in shock and just felt so bad for her.

But then another thing, like I was, when I was watching the footage of her rehearsing for Chicago, I was also a mess there because I just was like so proud. Like proud is even the wrong word. I don't fucking know her, but like, I don't know. It was just so inspiring. And there was one thing she said when she was talking about it and about like doing new things and taking on projects.

and she was like, I don't overthink anything. Thinking is overrated and I cannot agree more. Which is funny because I coach people on on their thoughts like all the time. But I totally believe that overthinking things, like analyzing them to death, et cetera, is not at all helpful and is often away. To delay ourselves from taking action so we can indulge in thinking.

I've been in so many sessions where the person has been coached on the same thing over and over and over, like they've been coached to death, they've been coached by me, they've been coached by other people. Like it's just insane. And I'm basically like, , you're using coaching to avoid something. So it's time to take some action and see what the fuck happens, right?

Like we can't just keep this in, in, in the world of theory, can't be theoretical anymore because there's nothing left to coach on. And I also use thought work to help people access their emotions. And once we tap into the emotions, right, it's all about having an embodied experience. With whatever they want to achieve.

So they have to go and do stuff so that they can integrate the lessons into their nervous systems. Right. And not just like hold them as theories and concepts. And I wanna say, I do think this is largely why people find it hard to get results on their own. Like I know I did when I was just like, Reading Eckhart tolling and hoping for the best, like I was missing this other, this other like piece of about embodiment and like how to actually incorporate these tools into my life in a way that was gonna make change.

So that is actually the perfect segue into what I want to talk to you about today. So when I'm coaching people,  and we uncover what I call a thought error. And basically it's like they're believing something that's not actually true. Right? So it's a thought, but it's not true. So a thought error, right?

And common ones are things like, I don't have time. There's too much to do. I can't afford it. Right? These are very common.  thoughts that we all have, but I'm sure you have other ones for yourself that come up that are common. But I'll ask them how it feels when they think that, and the majority of the time they can come up with like a one word emotion and it's usually something like overwhelmed or frustrated or scared, right?

Like if they're thinking like I have so much to do, they're gonna feel overwhelmed, obviously, right? That that feels like that attaches to that thought. Because when there's a lot of stuff, whether it's a, a lot of things, a lot of time, a lot of thoughts, it overwhelms our system. But sometimes they'll just say it fe, I don't know.

It feels, it just feels true.  . And the first thing I wanna offer is that thoughts often feel true because of the intensity of emotion we have behind them. And that is after all what a belief is, right? It's a thought that you keep on thinking that has powerful emotion attached to it. So you might think like, My partner loves me and it creates like, feel good feelings.

And then those like synapses fire together and it cements that in your body as the truth. Now, side note about that, we haven't spent much time talking about relationships, but the love your feeling in that moment is not their love. . It's the love you created in yourself by thinking that thought. So you can only ever feel your own emotions, which is different from someone else's energy.

Like you might be able to feel their energy, but that's not their feelings, right? You don't know what their feeling or your subconscious might be Picking up on subtle shifts in their body language and then, . It's interpreting that like your nervous system is picking up on that, but that's still not you knowing what they're feeling or feeling they're feeling.

You'd still have to like have a conversation with them. Anyway, I digress. This is not what this episode's about , but I just wanted to kind of like do that little side. No. So when we come across a thought error, what I usually do is start poking holes in the thought by asking questions. So if it's I don't have time, I'll ask, well, how much time do you.

And we'll go on like this until they can see that in fact the thought is not true. And often that creates enough of an emotional shift for them to look at their schedule from a more factual place, right? So they can start like getting shit done. They can start like putting things on the schedule and they're no longer in that like space of like overwhelm more shutdown where they can't move forward because they're thinking they don't have.

Then there are the cases where the thought may in fact also have like a small kernel of truth or even a large kernel of truth. Like maybe they don't have enough time to get all the things they want to get done in the time that they wanna get it done, right? So it's like they have like 70 things to do, but they've only given themselves like four hours, right?

So what do we do then? Well, here's the thing. It does not matter how true a thought is, it matters whether or not it's useful. So while it might be kind of true that they don't have the time they need to execute the entire list of things when they think I don't have time, what do you think they do? Like, think about this.

What do you do when you think you don't have time? Do you get to work and start knocking things off your list? I am guessing not. And if you do, I'm gonna offer, it's because you have a new thought or your emotional state shifts in some way for some reason. Because usually when we think we don't have time, we freeze.

we shut down or we start doing other things to distract ourselves from the uncomfortable feeling that is generated from the thought. So when you're thinking, I don't have time, or I don't have enough time even. Right? And that might be partially true, you probably start to feel pretty defeated and like when you're feeling defeated, you don't get up and start doing stuff or you start doing other things.

To shift your emotional state. Maybe you scroll on Instagram or you go grab a glass of wine or you know, whatever. Like you do some other kind of like numbing behavior cuz you don't like the way it feels to feel defeated. And that is not you getting anything done. So is it true that you don't have enough time?

We have no idea, but you will definitely create a self-fulfilled prophecy as long as you go on like fondling the thought and not getting to work. Another example of this is, um, in one of my coach certification classes, someone was having emotions around. , like they were a hor, they were horseback riding.

They, they did that and they had some fear around it because of like a previous thing and the thought was, it's dangerous. Like, that's kind of true. It's, it's not, not dangerous, but like think about how a thought like it's not safe or it's dangerous affects the feeling when you're thinking something like that, whether it's true or not.

it shifts your emotional energy and then you are gonna bring that emotional energy to the horse. The horse is definitely gonna pick up on that, and it's not gonna feel safe for either one of you, right? So no matter how true that thought might be in that situation, we have to find somewhere something else to to think, or a different way to shift our nervous system so we're out of that feeling.

So we can actually do the thing that we wanna do, which in her case was ride horses. So what do we need to do here, right? When we've, when we're working with a thought that feels true? Well, we need to find a more useful thought. So in this case, if I don't have enough time, right? We might start with agreeing that there is not enough time to get everything done.

That may be a fact. Okay? So if that's the fact, we start looking at does everything need to get.  and like who created the deadlines? Did you create the deadlines? Are there like, we need more information about what's the situation, right, about what's going on? Are these deadlines adjustable? . This happened with a, a client recently where she had just moved and she was like unpacking her new place and the moving company was coming back to pick up the bins and she was all overwhelmed by like, I've gotta unpack the bins, but I don't have any place to put this stuff.

And then the stuff's just gonna be la Like it was a whole thing. You can see how that would be very emotional. And it was just simply like, I just asked the question of like, well, do they have to come pick the bins up today? She was like, uh, no. I mean, I guess I can call about that. I mean, we've already delayed it twice.

So it's like, you know, there is room there to wiggle this things around where it doesn't have to just be what it is. So once we do all of that, right, like once we kind of like suss that all out, what we wanna do is decide on a new result, right? So, , if we're going with the, the sort of fact that there's limited time, we're gonna look at how much time they do have.

And then we're gonna decide what the new result is for that time. How many things do you wanna get done in these hours that you have? So maybe it's like three of the things from the list. Then I will ask them how do they need to feel in order to get these things done? And maybe they're gonna say like, empowered, they wanna feel like they need to feel empowered that they, you know, they can do it, right?

So then we need to know what thought makes them feel, empower. . And so I think a thought in that situation that would make me feel empowered would be, I make time to do the things that are important to me, right? So I've decided these three things are the priority, and I'm gonna believe the thought that I make time to do the things that are important.

And so if that generates the feeling of empowered, amazing. So if it works, we're just gonna use it right from there. We're going to try to do some work to bring that into my body. So it's like, what does it feel like to feel empowered? How does that feel in my body? Right? Where do I feel it? And we'll just like take a little bit of time to really

practice and experience that feeling throughout our entire body.  and just feeling into it. Then we're gonna go back to thinking about the three things that we've chosen to do, and we're just gonna overlay this new emotion on it, right? We're gonna be like, okay, here are the three things. That's my circumstance.

I do the things that are important to me. We're overlaying it on those three things. I feel this empowered feeling, and that drives me to get up and do them. So this is how we can start to shift out of these emotional patterns and start rewiring your brain and your nervous system to like make lasting change.

And this is what I say about like overthinking. This is why I was saying that overthinking sometimes is not helpful or analyzing is not helpful, or looking at like thoughts that are factual and interacting with them. In a way that just kind of keeps you in the same place. It's like, okay, if that's true, then what?

What do you wanna do? And this is where you have the power in that situation to really slow down. Look at. The result that you get when you're thinking that initial thought, when you believe that you don't have time, because I'm gonna guess that's not the result that you want. And in order to get the result that you want, we really do need to shift it into a feeling that is actually gonna drive you and move you forward versus keep you stuck exactly where you.

So try this out with like a thought that feels really believable to you, right? That feels a little bit sticky. That's been hard for you to get past because you can't not think that it's true. Okay? But is it serving you to think it? And what could you be thinking instead that's actually gonna get you closer to where you wanna.

All right, my friends. I hope you have a great week. I will talk to you again soon.



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