Radio Edit

Lo's friend Dana talks about their journey to Happy. 

Transcript

Trans Identity and Rebranding

Speaker 1 0:04

Hello world , lo here . This is clearly incorrect .

Speaker 2 0:15

I didn't know if anyone else had the thoughts that I had My mouth dropped open and I said out loud to myself in the car fuck , i'm trans . I have been compromising for five decades and I'm done . This is the first moment in my entire life I've actually felt like a woman . What the fuck have I done ?

Speaker 1 1:07

On the last day of May , i stay up real late and I pick a couple websites and I open some tabs and all at once at midnight the logo's changed to Pride Flags . Happy Pride , everyone To celebrate . I'm bringing you a special interview . It's one I've been looking forward to and it is one of the lost interviews from that power outage that's still been haunting me . But we did it again And dare I say , i like this one better . I think I do Remember to like , subscribe , rate , review . Tell a friend , support queer media . Hit that support the show button . See what you can do . It really helped . With pride in my heart , i give you Radio Edit . That's fucking hilarious . Onlyfanscom Are these working ? Should I use these ? Yes , you should put those on .

Speaker 2 2:43

I'm used to that .

Speaker 1 2:46

Oh Yeah , hi , hello , hi , how are you ? I got the gain down low so you can get all sexy with the mic .

Speaker 2 3:01

Yeah , hi , i had my consultation with the voice coach yesterday and we're going Yay , i officially have a one year scholarship with her . She's a very , very , very , very professional voice coach And I've got a year with her and we're going to do weekly sessions for as long as we need them And if she still thinks I can get things out of it , we can extend it And it's free . It's amazing . Yeah , i'm not paying the five digits that this would normally cost , because she's a friend of a friend And she allows herself two scholarships a year .

Speaker 1 3:52

Dana is looking for their phone .

Speaker 2 3:54

Oh , you're recording already . I am , oh , hi , hi .

Speaker 1 3:59

I should probably I don't know Put that on silent and talk into the mic . Hi , actually , do that again . I want to check a level , hi . Okay , that was really loud .

Speaker 2 4:10

Hi , hi , hi Woo . Oh , yes , yes , i don't know if any of that was realistic peaks , but I still turned you down . I get turned down a lot .

Speaker 1 4:27

Well , hello everybody , I have a good friend . It is the last of the lost interviews that happened during that power outage .

Speaker 2 4:39

Anyways , introduce yourself . Hi , My name is Dana . Awesome Dana . What more do you want ? What do you got ? I got modest B cups . Oh , about me ?

Speaker 1 4:57

I can see a , b . Yeah , pretty far from a .

Speaker 2 5:00

C . I'm about to start the progesterone , so we'll see where that goes .

Speaker 1 5:05

So , as you might have guessed , dana is at least a trans woman .

Speaker 2 5:09

I am a trans woman . I have been an openly out trans woman for about a year and eight months now . How's it going ? Really well , Really well , Really really well . I ripped the whole band-aid off at once , so I was really ready .

Speaker 1 5:31

So okay , here we'll . just , i don't know , i want to humanize you a little bit . I want to talk to you . Okay , you're not making great small talk . I know Steer this bus . I mean , i backseat drive and I'm on drugs and I use my foot . but I'll do it .

Speaker 2 5:49

Tell you what ? okay , you're the navigator , I'm driving Shit .

Speaker 1 5:55

Well , since we're on this journey , Dana , tell me how you figured it out . How did I figure it out ?

Speaker 2 6:06

I'm 54 years old and when trans people my age are interviewed about our past , we all end up saying the same one thing . I didn't know if anyone else had the thoughts that I had , because there was no trans label back then , back in the like 70s and 80s . When you're a kid , all you hear about is sex change , which sounds like some sort of barbaric hack shop . So you know , when people ask me if it was really traumatic growing up in the closet , i say no because , like , the idea of being a girl to me was as realistic as being an octopus in space . Like you know , it's not , it's . It's nothing like that you could realistically wish for .

Speaker 1 7:04

So do you identify as a space octopus ? No , okay , just checking .

Speaker 2 7:11

But my chosen transistor in Seattle heard me say that and immediately found a book about an octopus in space . That's awesome .

Speaker 2 7:20

So I don't know what that means , but It's the rule of the internet . So my earliest memory I bet there's porn about it too My earliest memory about my gender situation was in the mid 70s , watching Wonder Woman and just being absolutely mesmerized about what a strong and beautiful woman Linda Carter was and how I wish I could be that . And I recently realized that over the years as a kid you know , like when you look up and you see the first star and you're like , oh , i should do that starlight , star , bright , first star I see tonight thing , i wish I would wish for a lot of things , but more than everything else combined I would say I wish I was a girl . I mean , i also wish that my parents would get a piano and shit like that .

Speaker 2 8:06

But , little by little , these things are coming to me that I'm like oh , yeah . I always joked about the fact that my in high school the four posters on my wall were Boy George from culture club first couple of albums . Madonna from the like a virgin era with the boy toy lay stress . Cindy Loper from her first album and George Michael , first solo album . And I always joked how could those be my four posters on my wall as a high school kid and I wasn't a gay boy , i was queer , you were queer .

Speaker 1 8:36

Thinking back to my room , i had two posters up and then like random art . And those posters , i think looking back , nail me as a trans woman . One is , of course , the Rocky Horror Picture Show And two Heidi Klum being all sexy with her tits hanging out . I mean , i was a trans being in high school . I just didn't know that was a thing .

Speaker 2 9:02

Well , how long ago was that for you ? Trans wasn't really a known and publicized thing until recently , so yeah , yeah , No , I'm just sitting like looking back .

Speaker 1 9:11

I acted like one . I mean they called me Captain Flannel in high school , Like I was diking it up Anyway .

Speaker 2 9:20

I was just an awkward , awkward nerdy dude .

Speaker 1 9:23

But it'll be 19 years about now , since Since I graduated high school , and how long have you been out ? I came out when I was 32 years old , so like like five years Wow , five and a half now .

Speaker 2 9:40

And how are you doing ? How am I doing ? You seem to be doing great .

Speaker 1 9:44

I am . I am fan , fucking Dastic And yeah , except I'm like broke in my life and shit . But you know outside of that , but I still look up to you , thank you , thank you , i'm a wise old hobbit . Yeah , no , i'm none of those things . Funny thing , my local name in Uganda was Mwambu , which means wise bearded man of the mountain .

Speaker 2 10:15

Yeah .

Speaker 1 10:18

Okay , anyways .

Speaker 2 10:23

So I've had this nickname like my dead name . I have two dead names . One was the one on my birth certificate when I was born And then one was a nickname that I got in high school And I carried that through into adulthood , into my career . I'm in radio , by the way , been in radio for like 20 something years And that will let you figure it out , people .

Speaker 2 10:47

And that nickname was always what I went by on the radio . That was my radio name too , and it's like a non gendered nickname , it's like a non living thing .

Speaker 1 10:59

Understood DJ Rock .

Speaker 2 11:02

When I realized I was going to transition , i thought to myself well , that's a non gendered name , i can just keep that in . A couple of friends of mine who really knew me and really understood my brain said did it ever occur to you that you created this over the top persona with that name to shield yourself from the boy you never wanted to be ? And my brain broke at that point And I realized yeah , i need to . I need to rebrand myself , i need a new name , so came up with a name like . I feel like I'm telling the story in like a weird order .

Speaker 2 11:41

I realized at a friend's party she and I were just a million drinks in that I was done pretending , i was done being who I was supposed to be . I was done not just doing whatever the fuck I wanted to do . And three months later I came out . I did my last show on the radio . I went home and I woke up . His day in a full time , no part timing , no practicing around the house , no , just a few friends . No , i just all at once ripped off the band aid . New name knew me , got rid of everything that was old me all at once . Wow , that's fucking awesome . That's the only way I could really do it . I could never be the person I knew I needed and wanted to be and then shut it off . I knew once I flipped the switch it was for good , that is exactly how I feel .

Speaker 1 12:35

I don't think I knew it at the time . I don't even know what day it was exactly because I was in . I was in a lot of like mental health issues at the time that were unrelated , And so just somewhere in there , I quit being a boy and started being a girl , And I don't even remember when I just went oh shit , I transitioned .

Speaker 2 12:58

I mean , admittedly , in those three months between deciding I needed to make a change and coming out as trans , i was kind of in this temporary non-binary space where I was starting to wear dresses and feminized kind of . Sometimes I was just kind of like kind of seeing what would happen when I went outside , like this or that . It wasn't really official or anything . So now I was still going by old me , i was still like being old me , i was still going to work as old me and not non-binary , although at one point my general manager noticed my shorts were getting a little short for a guy . But yeah , so I walked away from my radio career , partially because , you know , i figured I'd had a lot of bucket list jobs . I had a pretty good career . I did a lot of the things I wanted to do .

Speaker 2 13:52

Radio was no longer what it was when I started And most of all , i knew that the companies that own radio stations , no matter how progressive they may want to be , aren't ready for the controversy of having somebody on the air who half their listeners think is a dude in a dress trying to get into bathrooms to molest girls . I just accepted that was reality and I did it . For three months I worked at a friend's hair salon in Baltimore as like the salon manager , which is kind of ironic because my head was shaved at the time , so I was the one person without hair in the hair salon , but I wasn't doing hair . I know what a belage is now , so I did that for three months , and then I just delivered for one of the deliver when you feel like it services .

Speaker 2 14:41

But I really wasn't into it and I wasn't quite sure what my plan was going to be . I knew I needed to come out , but I didn't have a way to sustain myself . And then all of a sudden my old career comes back for me and an old friend of mine says I'm running this indie rock station in Denver , colorado , and I want you to be my morning show . And I got angry at him at first And I said , because he knew me , i already knew that he wanted to talk to me about this before I transitioned . So I assumed he was looking to put old me on the air . And I told him that person is gone and not coming back . I'm not doing that anymore .

Transitioning and Finding Identity

Speaker 2 15:24

I walked away from radio to leave that behind and he said I'm not asking to hire him , i'm asking to hire you . And I sat back and I pointed at myself I'm like , do you see this ? Like is your eyesight going ? I'm not . I'm unusual . And he said Colorado Public Radio is incredibly progressive and it puts a lot of importance on diversity . I don't mean to tokenize you , but you would be a walking and talking embodiment of Colorado Public Radio's values . You're a person of color , you're a woman , you're queer , and I said I'm half Jewish too . He's like , okay , i didn't know that , but I'll put that down .

Speaker 2 16:10

Yeah , so I walked away from my career to come out and my career came back for me and now I have the best job I've ever had , making the most I've ever made in this industry . Normally , when you're in radio , you have some like dream job , like my dream job used to be to be at K-Rock in Los Angeles , the big alternative rock station in Southern California . I no longer have a dream job . It's where I am now . I want to stay at Indie 102.3 for the rest of my career . I want to be a part of that station just getting bigger and better , and I want to stay here in Denver Wonderful .

Speaker 1 16:52

I love it here too , where I grew up . Oh yeah , you grew up here , i grew up here .

Speaker 2 16:56

I lived here from the age of three till 28 , 25 years of my life , and then I moved away for 25 years . Oh wow , i was out East the whole time DC , baltimore , miami , fort Myers And this job brought me back . The timing is weird in a lot of ways . Like my father passed away right before I got this job , i feel like I've been brought here to be there for my mother As she grieves for my father . I feel like my dad's been helping because not only have things been going so well for me , but , like the but , my condo is in the Jewish neighborhood of Denver , a block away from Rosenberg's deli .

Speaker 2 17:36

So , I think my dad is in on what's happening . That's amazing , But everything's just going really well And I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and people keep reminding me . No , this is the correction for the first several decades of your life being wrong , Making up for all the misery that you thought was was how things were supposed to be , or that you just we're never going to have the happiness other people had . Now I'm catching up .

Speaker 1 18:07

I identify so strongly with your story . How so Well , first off and not knowing . It's just not something that you could conceive of . Spending your whole life like not being able to reach for your goals because , again , you couldn't conceive of them , and then leaving a career and becoming essentially a delivery driver . That happens to a lot of trans women . Yeah , Oh yeah . They transition , they have to leave their career , they get kicked out , whatever , and then next thing you know they're delivering shit on apps or being a bartender for a while .

Speaker 2 18:39

Every time I had something delivered it was some like very under motivated dude .

Speaker 1 18:45

Yeah , i mean that too , And then feeling like you finally get to live . And I do wait . I mean there's not much to take from me , but I wait for someone to take it . And things are just kind of getting better and better and better .

Speaker 2 19:07

I mean , we're lucky to live in the most trans friendly state in the United States . Oh , fuck , yeah , there are a good number of trans friendly states out there , but Colorado overall has the most going for it . Minnesota is catching up . California , the Pacific Northwest are pretty good . Maryland is catching up my old state And there is one person I can credit for cracking my egg the most , who I've never met , but she's spoken to me in a couple of ways .

Speaker 2 19:37

Her name is Laura Jane Grace . She's the lead singer of a punk band called Against Me . That band became my favorite band in 2011 . And then in 2012 , she came out as a trans woman . So that kind of got my attention , although I still didn't think I could ever do that , but I found it absolutely fascinating . After I talked to that friend about the fact that I was done being who I was supposed to be and I was going to make a change , i told myself let's just be non binary for a year , see how that goes , and if in a year I'm positive , i want to take the step and coming out as trans , then I'll do it . Then , right after I do that , right after I say okay , i'm non binary , and I start like feminizing a little bit , but I'm so old me .

Speaker 2 20:24

I listened to the audio book of Laura Jane Grace's autobiography and she's reading it And I'm just racing straight through it . She keeps quoting me And we've never met . In other words , she keeps saying a lot of things I have always said , and I remember the one that struck me the most . I was at the 7-Eleven at Cold Spring and Falls in Baltimore , maryland , about 2.30 in the morning in a specific parking space , and she was talking about being on stage and looking out of the crowd . And she said when I would see an attractive woman , i wouldn't think what other guys thought , which was I wish I could fuck her . He would think just how lucky she was and how he wished he could be her . And as soon as she said that , my mouth dropped open and I said out loud to myself in the car fuck , i'm trans .

Speaker 2 21:25

I love it when it happens like that . And that was literally like a week or two into my like supposed non-binary phase . So I'm like all right . Two months later I came out , august 23rd 2021 . Wow . And then I raced through everything . I changed my legal name , i changed my birth certificate , social security , driver's license , everything and like within months And like either were trans girls on Instagram I befriended and like one of them said to me Dana , you are racing through this like a pro . And I'm like am I going too fast ? And she's like no , that's the thing . Like I've never seen anybody like so fresh at this , like just like knocking down things one after another . So I'm not bragging . I guess that's just how ready I was .

Speaker 1 22:11

Exactly it just sometimes you're fucking ready for a change . Sometimes you know you figured it out And then you're just so damn certain . Why not use every little bit of your ability to move forward in this ?

Speaker 2 22:25

This is how much of a nerdy girl I was . Do you know who the first one was ? who called me Dana ? Who ? My Google smart speakers ? Ha ha ha ha . I changed the name of my Google account just to see how it would go . And then , when I'd run the nighttime routine , when I went to bed and it would say good night , dana . I'd fall asleep with the biggest smile on my face . Oh , that's lovely . I love the name Dana far more than any other name I've had , nickname or otherwise . I love saying it , i love hearing it , i really love hearing it , and it's not even an ego thing , does it .

Speaker 1 23:04

Yeah , I think your name suits you very well .

Speaker 2 23:08

I mean , that's all . you've known me as I mean , I think you've heard a dead name or two .

Speaker 1 23:12

I've heard it and it's weird to me . I don't like it . It sounds ugly on my tongue . And this is what I love about meeting people after they transition , after they find themselves . You get to meet who they are And so often that is just on the nose , on the money for them , like it all makes sense , so it's easy to remember and it goes together .

Speaker 2 23:34

The great thing about getting this job and moving to Denver is I've been away long enough that virtually everybody I knew in high school is gone , Like I am starting over on friends . So for the first time in my life I'm living somewhere where people only know me as who I am And they don't know old me and they can't slip up and dead name me .

Speaker 1 23:59

There is not a person in this town I still talk to that knew me as a boy And it's actually fabulous . In a few years you will look back and you'll be mystified by the years before because they don't feel like you .

Speaker 2 24:16

Oh , that's already the case . It's weird . I'll look at pictures of me and I will remember those times . I will remember those scenes , but I won't remember being that person . I cannot relate Like I look at that person and it's that's like a relative of mine or a friend of mine . It's almost like I remember being there like as a observer instead of as that person . Yeah , I don't remember being him . And I look at guys and I cannot relate with being a guy , any more than anybody who's never been a guy can relate . I can't imagine what it's like And I guess that's partially because I never really was good at being a guy . I felt like I was assigned to that team but never was given the playbook , So I never understood why they acted the way they did . I never figured out how to date as a guy . So I know what they do but I don't know why they do .

Speaker 1 25:11

I like the joke that , yeah , i was never one of them , but I did live amongst them for 30 something years And I know their secrets . Yeah , well , you know , if you're a trans woman , that's not out , you're not being a man . Great , and I learned to act like a man from doing improv interactive plays , where I played a manly Italian , and then I just kind of did that a lot and it worked really well And just fucking forgot what I was saying . I always fucking do that .

Speaker 2 25:42

I was just so bad at being a guy , i was just super awkward . When I came out , all of my exes immediately said this totally makes sense . Yes , and not in a mean way . This explains everything I knew about you , doesn't it ? It flips so many switches when you transition , not just the obvious ones , not just the you know the physical changes and not just you getting more interested in more feminine things . But , like my brain is very eagerly archiving memories , like anything pre-transition is quickly trying to fade And I'm having to be reminded , like I'm really fuzzy on a lot of stuff before I came out , because my brain is like we don't need that anymore . That was never us . It's crazy , it's wild .

Speaker 1 26:32

I remember what I was gonna say And I think it's worth stepping back to Yeah , first let's cheers and slam these and go get the next ones , cause we're not drunk enough . Get in there .

Speaker 2 26:49

I'm just gonna sit mine .

Speaker 1 26:54

Almost there . It's a tall boy .

Speaker 2 26:57

Yeah , I've got a tall boy , but it's some zero sugar hard

Transitioning and Identity Expression

Speaker 2 27:00

lemonade .

Speaker 1 27:00

What I was gonna say is being a trans woman like doesn't know , they're out living along the men is like being the good police officer that joins with honest intentions . And then you're around all these people with power that want they can tell . So they don't want to give you any of their shit , but they're going to corrupt you , they're going to tell you about all their horrible shit and make you hold that secret or kill you .

Speaker 2 27:28

And you get the blame for everything they do . You're lumped in with everything they do . You are generalized for what they do and how they act , even though you not only don't agree with it , but you don't even know how to do it . You couldn't be that if you tried .

Speaker 1 27:46

Yeah , I never understood a lot of shit about men And then I said , oh yeah , it's because I'm not one .

Speaker 2 27:52

Yeah , And it still amazes me , even once , trans people achieved awareness thanks to , like you know , the North Carolina bathroom bills in 2015 instead . Yeah , thank you , north Carolina .

Speaker 2 28:07

Yeah , that was the best thing we ever had for visibility . It was . But even after that I did not think for a second that I would ever , ever transition . It was just still too radical to me . I couldn't stop thinking that if I did that , I would not only give up my career , I would give up everybody . I knew I would . It's torching your whole life . And it wasn't that way . When you're afraid of taking a big step , you're really afraid of a worst case scenario , and worst case scenarios don't happen . For the most part , Best case scenarios don't happen and worst case scenarios don't happen . Generally , what happens is somewhere in between .

Speaker 2 28:43

Somewhere in between and it might be closer to one or the other , but you're imagining the worst things could be And I imagined losing everybody and everything . And it didn't go that way , and it wasn't always easy , and there were a lot of days . For the first number of months that I was out , i would like wake up , or just at some point during the day , immediately think what the fuck have I done ? What did I do ? I just torpedoed my whole life . I'm past the point of no return . I can't undo this . I'm out there And if I , if I wanted to ruin my life , i found the biggest way to do it .

Speaker 2 29:25

Just so you know people , i just cut out 15 ifs I didn't even realize I said it , but yeah , i you know , and it took me a long time after I came out to feel comfortable wearing a dress whenever I wanted to . I wear dresses almost all the time .

Speaker 1 29:51

Now I'm wearing shorts today but You look incredibly feminine and I love it .

Speaker 2 29:57

The style like what I like to wear too , So I just I wear what I want and my friends all tell me they all think I'm some sort of fashion maven And they're all like you need to , you need to take me shopping , you need to . I'm like . All I know is I find something that I like that seems to work , and I , just once I find a lane , i ride that lane as hard as I can And if I see something I could step over to , i try that out .

Speaker 1 30:22

And I think it's a legitimate relational thing of people who go through this is that you're kind of done with the bullshit And you're like fuck it , i like what I like . Yeah , and that often has style .

Speaker 2 30:34

There's a friend of my name , josie , who is kind of like my fashion consultant to begin with . She was the one who took me on my first shopping trip and all that and said this would look good on you , This . You don't go down this route , whatever . And one thing I remember telling her was I have been compromising for five decades and I'm done . I will never , ever , ever again wear anything I don't love , even if it's just what I'm throwing on to go get a loaf of bread at the convenience store . I only want things that I love And that's all I'll ever dress in . And so everybody at work thinks I'm always dressed extra compared to everybody at work . And everybody they're like , wow , you're like the fashionista of the office And I'm like , no , i just wear something I love every day . That's all you'll ever see me in .

Speaker 1 31:25

This tall boy is making me have to pee , so we're going to take a break , ok , and then we're going to get the other tall boys .

Speaker 2 31:35

And why do they have to be tall boys ? I'm a tall girl . A tall girl is fucking rule .

Speaker 1 31:42

This bathroom break was sponsored by me . Lo , i'm the host of Clearly Incorrect . You know that because you're listening to this show , which makes it a pointless ad . But it's not pointless . It could have been your ad Interested . Clearly Incorrect at gmailcom .

Speaker 2 32:04

I feel like I'm not telling the story in order or anything .

Speaker 1 32:07

Nobody tells a good story in order , or I should say , no good story teller tells one in order . I never even introduced myself , never fully , but I like it that way . People have to figure it out . I mean , you gave a pretty good roadmap .

Speaker 2 32:22

I mean , i mentioned my first name . I mentioned the radio station . Yeah , my name is Dana . I am on a radio station called Indy 102.3 in Denver , colorado . I am the morning host , employed by Colorado Public Radio .

Speaker 1 32:34

And every morning I go out into my car and I smoke a little weed and I listen to Dana on the radio A little . Okay , that was the only fib in there .

Speaker 2 32:46

And it's really amazing . I mean I know , because I'm not afraid to be who I am , i stick out in the crowd And I'm fine with that . I actually kind of like that Because of all the years I was invisible , all the years I felt invisible , all the years I didn't belong to anything . Now I know I get stares and I actually kind of like it because for once I'm being seen and I don't care why they're staring , i just stare right back . That usually that usually jars them . But yeah , so I'll be out and about .

Speaker 2 33:25

Like I'll go , you know , as a radio station , we , you know , for an Indy rock station , i'm going to concerts a lot . That , like you know , we have tickets for that . We , you know , are sending our listeners to and all that . And every time I go to a show I get recognized all the time . Like I went to a show at Red Rocks the other night And as soon as I got to Red Rocks , like as I'm just trying to find my seat and media , i hear these , these women say , like Dana , we love you , and like people are getting selfies with me and people are saying like you're Dana , right , i'm like , yeah , and I was at Mission Ballroom for a show and the person I was at will call to get my tickets and she's like you're the morning girl on Indy 1023 . And I'm like , yeah , and she's like I listen to you all the time . It's a me , it's it's so And it's not even like an ego thing , it's just , it's awesome , it's , it's nice to be seen for something positive .

Speaker 1 34:23

It is . I very occasionally meet people who I don't know who listen to the podcast , And that is always a phenomenal experience . I'm like what you do . You're not just like doing it because you like me .

Speaker 2 34:41

I'm looking at the big monitor behind you and how many downloads you have And I know you don't have that many friends .

Speaker 1 34:51

I was a slick burn there , Dana .

Speaker 2 34:57

Listen , like I told all my friends , this was a gender transition , not a personality transition . So every every dumb joke and every stupid burn is still there . When you ask me what I'm up to , I will always say 510 .

Speaker 1 35:11

You do have the one liners down and they break a lot of tension . I fucking love them . Keeps people on their toes , thanks , so what ?

Speaker 2 35:22

else .

Speaker 1 35:25

What else Do you want to talk

Getting High With Low

Speaker 1 35:28

about ? our magic night on the love seat , the ?

Speaker 2 35:33

love seat The magic night on the love seat . What are we talking ? What love seat where ?

Speaker 1 35:40

Was it a love seat ? Was it just a big chair ? You know , when we got all drugged out and laid next to each other .

Speaker 2 35:47

Oh , that was a bed .

Speaker 1 35:48

That was not a bed , was it ? No , that was . I mean I was lying down , it's just a big comfy chair .

Speaker 2 35:54

Okay , are we ? I don't know , i don't know , i don't know . It's just that was . I'll go ahead and say it . That was my first time on And I remember telling you I was struggling with as a trans woman was seeing myself as a woman , feeling like the world is allowing me to live as a woman , and I am living in the world as a woman and people are trying to see me as a woman . But I don't pass right now and I'm okay with that . But I don't feel like a woman yet . I was mentioning that I feel like I'm allowed to live as a woman , but I haven't convinced myself all the way through yet . And you were telling me how it takes time And as you were telling me that I was getting to that point in my balls that things really sink in different , and at that moment , when you were reassuring me , i don't even remember exactly what you said , but It's because you were on drugs .

Speaker 2 37:03

I turned to you and I said This is the first moment in my entire life I've actually felt like a woman , and you nearly cried .

Speaker 1 37:15

Just to confirm here you were saying that getting high with low is good for your health .

Speaker 2 37:22

Sure worked out well for me . There you go , people .

Speaker 1 37:27

It's not just a brand , it's the truth . You got to get high with low . I haven't done enough of those lately . And , dana , we're going to have to do that because you know we're actually pretty good friends now . We got to get just like shitfaced and do a recording or something . I'm down , done , i'm down . Dana gets high with low Done .

Speaker 2 37:50

I mean , every time I've been in the car with you when you've been smoking up , i have not partaken yet Because I don't know if this is a thing , but like I mean I was already a lightweight when it comes to weed before my transition , but I feel like once I started with the hormones , i feel like my tolerance just bottomed out And like immediately I realized if I had like even a drink or two and a smoke or two , i would just like get sick review input , so to speak , and pass out .

Speaker 1 38:25

I am , like , annoyingly impenetrable to drugs . It's just getting expensive .

Speaker 2 38:32

I'm one or the other . Either I build up tolerance immediately to them , or they just . I get my money's worth .

Speaker 1 38:39

I'll go back to them . After years , still , still , bitch is just trying to trip here And it's just , it's damn .

Speaker 2 38:50

I guess this is a good state to be able to say when it comes to weed , i'm a cheap date . By the way , i should probably say this at some point . Anything I say doesn't represent the views or policies of Colorado Public Radio . They didn't make me say that , i just feel like I should . But I bet they agree about a lot of it .

Speaker 2 39:09

The perfect trip was the one and only time I shroomed , and that was in Boulder . I was going to see you and I was hanging out at this house that half my college radio station lived at . That was my first radio gig was being on that station . And one night we took what must have been the most perfect , cleanest shrooms ever and immediately went to go see a theater screening of who framed Roger Rabbit . The rest of the night was a cartoon in the best of ways . It's amazing .

Speaker 2 39:41

Like at the climax of the movie I was like standing up screaming and came out of the theater and a friend of mine like sits laying smart ass to me and I like pointed my finger at him and he shrunk into the corner like cartoon like , and I'm like , oh my God , i like ran around like the cartoon , run of your legs , running ahead of you Like I was doing that all night . I was riding my imaginary bicycle around the neighborhood . At one point I was like flipping out because my friend was climbing the tree in the front yard and that tree symbolized the universe . So to me he was like conquering the universe . So I'm out there in the middle of the night at like two in the morning , screaming Jamie's climbing the tree , he's climbing the tree And everyone's like please get him inside . So my friend and I spent the rest of the night watching the tide come in on the ceiling . So then I had to be at work at McDonald's at five in the morning .

Speaker 1 40:32

Don't worry , i think you're probably best off of everybody who had to be there at five in the morning . Oh my brain cells .

Speaker 2 40:37

Do I need to make an egg wing muffin ?

Speaker 1 40:39

Really That's fun , you know , i think actually when I'm off drugs , like when I'm not on my meds . a few months ago I thought I was going to be a mushroom sailor . A mushroom sailor Sailor , yeah , no , a mushroom monger There , it is Okay And like not the special kind either . I don't know why . I was insane .

Speaker 2 41:06

And were you going to grow these mushrooms ? Were you going to like ?

Speaker 1 41:09

You have not seen the massive amount of mushrooms I have around growing Where . There's those ones over there And I moved the rest into a closet , but they've been in this room . You've seen them . There's a lot . I did not know I got like 16 varieties . Why ? Because I went crazy and thought I was going to sell mushrooms .

Speaker 2 41:28

Then again , every time I've been in this room , there's been way more going on . Oh , yeah , yeah , i haven't needed to pay attention to anything else .

Speaker 1 41:37

I don't clean my room because I have ADHD , but a plus of that is it sets a really casual environment for podcasting , and if you're sitting in somebody's dirty bedroom you're just like open it up . You're dirty laundry too .

Speaker 2 41:51

Yep , yep , dirty laundry and empty cans of alcohol .

Speaker 1 41:58

This is like the opposite of a police interrogation room .

Speaker 2 42:01

What's ? another empty can of alcohol .

Speaker 1 42:03

Let's make one . You're on a bed . Do some drugs Pass out ? It's fine , all right . I think we have a run of out of steam .

Speaker 2 42:14

Okay , but you can have me back anytime you want . Oh , i will .

Speaker 1 42:18

I will then .

Speaker 2 42:19

In the short time that I've known you . You know this , but I'll just say it for the benefit of the audience . I guess Lowe has become a big sister to me . I've got like very , very few . I can count on one hand how many people I've adopted as my big sisters , as though the ones I look up to as a trans woman , and you are absolutely , absolutely one of them .

Speaker 1 42:41

Well , thank you , She liked . That is why I'm doing well . People , like you know , broken on food stamps , but still .

Speaker 2 42:49

But don't be fooled by that . I know enough about Lowe to be able to say that she's one of the smartest people I've ever known Ever .

Speaker 1 42:57

Thank you , i might cut that .

Speaker 2 43:02

I'll just tell people on the street .

Speaker 1 43:04

Okay , okay Well , thank you everybody . Thanks for listening , and this has just been a treat . I'm so glad to have finally gotten Dana back on the show .

Speaker 2 43:13

Won't be the last if you want , i promise not .

Speaker 1 43:17

Bye , everybody , bye , bye . I don't know if you guessed or not , but I had to cut some stuff there at the end , just you know , for reasons . Whatever , it was super fun And I hope you liked it . Remember to like subscribe rate review . Send a link to a friend . You can always send me an email , queery incorrect at gmailcom . I'll see you next time . Bye , clearly incorrect . Is produced by Lowlife Freeds .