Sorry Not Sorry: Why Your Apologies Might Be Making Things Worse
Still Becoming One
Relationship conflict is inevitable, but the key to healthy relationships lies in effective repair—acknowledging impact and taking responsibility rather than just saying, "sorry you were hurt."
• Conflict in relationships is normal, but repair is essential for rebuilding connection
• There's a critical difference between "I'm sorry you were hurt" and "I'm sorry I hurt you"
• Effective repair involves listening well, owning your impact, and discussing future changes
• Different personalities seek different things in apologies—understanding your partner's needs is crucial
• Managing different perceptions of reality without arguing about "facts" helps resolve conflicts
• Forgiveness involves acknowledging harm and choosing not to require payment for it
• Modeling good repair with children teaches them relationship skills for their future
• Repairing doesn't always mean changing your decision, but it does mean acknowledging the impact
• The sooner we repair, the smaller our relationship ruptures remain
