Can Busy Moms Really Do Locum Work Without Having Mom Guilt? #471 Part 2

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In this episode, we answer a question from our listener who is considering a locums position but is having mom guilt and wants to know how other women do it. Dr. Renée opens up about her journey working exclusively as a locums doctor while still maximizing her presence at home. If you're struggling with parental guilt this conversation is for you.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

If you missed the last segment , Nii and I talked about whether or not the 80-hour work week is realistic for people in residency who are then transitioning into attendinghood . If you missed that segment , go back and take a listen . And right now we are going to be talking about motherhood and locums . Dr Nii , what say you ? What's going on ?

Speaker 2 0:28

you . What's going on ? All right , dr Renee . So we got a question from Instagram . This is a question from someone who's been following our podcast for a significant period of time , so let's jump right into this .

Introducing Motherhood and Locums

Speaker 2 0:35

It says , hey , do both you and your wife do locums , because I'm considering a travel position slash locum , but I'm having mom guilt and I'm not sure how other women do it . I've read articles and I know there's plenty of moms who do it , but just wondering if you have any feedback , would appreciate hearing about your experience . I know I've heard a lot from your perspective , but wondering about it from mom's perspective , how she may do it I think they're referring to you .

Speaker 2 1:05

So , we got this question while we're in Ghana . I told them we were going to answer it , but we ain't recording Ghana , so we ain't answer it . You like to hear it ? Here we go , boom , so you go ahead and answer it ? Do we do locums ? How do you do locums as a mom and do you have ?

Speaker 1 1:22

mommy guilt ? No , I do not have mommy guilt . So I've been doing locums for quite some time , exclusively locums , as of the time what ? That was 2016 . So I was pregnant at the time when we started doing locums exclusively . And , yeah , I mean , I guess I would need a little bit more information so that I could give you a little more advice tailored to whatever your situation is .

Speaker 1 1:52

For me , I am

Dr. Renee's Locums Experience

Speaker 1 1:54

a mom , but I'm also married , so I , you know , there there is that dynamic which I think makes a difference . So , doing locums , I'm able to stay home for the most part , and then I work one weekend a month . That's just how I decide to do it . You can do it however you want . And then my husband he works more days than I do in the month , but that's the way that we do it . We switch off , so if I'm working , he's not working . If he's working , then I'm not working , and that's the way it's worked and I really love it . It allows me to spend a lot of time with my kids . Yes , I am traveling , so it is not a local locums assignment . I've been traveling for since 2016 and haven't stopped since , and it's been really helpful .

Speaker 2 2:46

What's the farthest that you've traveled ?

Speaker 1 2:48

The farthest I've traveled is probably about three hours , three , four hours .

Speaker 2 2:54

Currently , currently right now .

Speaker 1 2:56

Now it's like an hour and a half . Yeah , now it's like an hour and a half , so it's not bad , but I stay over .

Speaker 2 3:02

So what does that mean ? Explain that to the people .

Speaker 1 3:04

So that basically means that I start my shift on Friday evenings at five o'clock and I finish my shift on Monday mornings at seven 30 . So I am not home . So I might as well be , you know , a plane ride away , right Cause I'm not home , right so you got a hotel , you got all that stuff , gotcha . You know , you and your work husband X , y and Z . I told you don't make me pull up on you . Okay , don't make me pull up on you . I know you got a work wife .

Speaker 2 3:36

My work wife got hands , so you're going to pull up . Go ahead , go ahead .

Speaker 1 3:45

Any who needs . Don't worry , because my work husband got mad muscle . Yeah , look at your face . Look at your face now . You don't like that joke , right ? It's not as funny , it's not ? What is it ? Ain't no fun when the rabbit got the gun Anywho , but you can do it , however .

Speaker 1 4:06

You can do it , however you can do it however you want . I think what I like about the locums life the most is that there is that flexibility . Right , I think I actually have . So I will say this I never worked a nine to five , or what we call a full time . How about this ? How about the job ? Hold on , hold on . I got to say this . I got to say this . I got to say this . I got something to say . I've never worked a full time job while I was a mother . I do have to say that I think that the amount of guilt mommy guilt that I would have had as a full time OB would have been much much greater than what I'm doing now as a locums .

Speaker 2 4:58

Because her question is about mommy guilt . Hold on a second . Let me speak up . Yeah , so the mommy guilt that you have . You said that you would have more mommy guilt if you were working full time and not a laborer , right ? Yeah , okay , why Explain that ? What kind of things would you be thinking about ? Let me get it out .

Speaker 1 5:17

What kind of things would you be processing in your mind during that time ? No-transcript even got up in the morning and back home after my kids fell asleep , and I don't like that

Minimizing Mommy Guilt Through Flexibility

Speaker 1 5:42

because for me that's , I might as well be away because I'm not seeing them anyway . Right , I just know that they are there and in the same house with me at some point in time , a few hours , a few hours a day . But I don't like the idea of you know consistently waking up before my kids , not seeing them off to school , you know , and then coming home and potentially them being asleep already .

Speaker 2 6:08

I just I don't like that . I think the one thing to consider also is like I didn't have any plans of slowing down at all at that point also . So there's a strong likelihood that you have that happening twice , where you have kids who are very like , the likelihood of them seeing both of their parents in the morning or seeing them in the evening time . You know it's going to be varied right , the consistency probably won't be there and stuff . So there was a high chance also that we may have to incorporate someone in like a babysitter or nanny . What are your thoughts on that ?

Speaker 1 6:43

So for me , I just felt like I didn't want a nanny . You know , there's nothing wrong with having a nanny , but I didn't want a nanny in that , not for that , right , if I was going to have somebody help me with my kids , that's fine , but I would want someone who is just kind of there literally helping me , right , not someone being me , right , I think , helping . So , for example , right , there was a point at which we did have a babysitter . Right , we had a babysitter . She would come to the house even though I was home , would come to the house even though I was home . She was helping me , right , because I had two kids , one of which I was homeschooling and the other one who needed just extra attention because he had speech delay and all of this stuff . So she was actually helping me . So I was able to put my attention towards the homeschooling for those hours that I was homeschooling , but I was never so far removed that I wasn't able to give the other one the attention that he needed as well . So she was able to help me , kind of reel him in and just make sure that he's not necessarily interfering with the homeschooling with the other one and keeping him entertained , making sure that he's getting his , you know , all of the things that he needed from therapy .

Speaker 1 8:11

Like that's that was helping me , that wasn't being me right , like she wasn't being the mom , she was being the helper , and so that's that . For me , was important to have that . I didn't want to have my kids woken up by someone else , carted around , you know , taken to school , carted around to the extracurricular activities by someone else , and then me at the end of the day , go well , how was your day ? What'd you do all day ? And not have been a part of that . I just didn't want that as my life , you know . So for me , I think I would have had more mommy guilt if our life looked that way than what it looks like right now , which is listen , I'm gone for a weekend , you'll be fine , because most days out of the month I'm actually home , so I don't have any guilt over that .

Speaker 2 8:59

Hot dogs and beans when you go .

Speaker 1 9:01

Whatever , it's okay , they can eat a weekend

Helping vs. Being: Childcare Philosophy

Speaker 1 9:06

, a weekend of junk food , is not going to kill nobody , as long as they don't end up in the hospital , they are good . They are good as long as they don't have appendicitis and end up in Kumasi . What are you talking about ? Come on now . That's the appendicitis combination . Was it beans and what I don't know ? But Kumasi is definitely in there , so , but yeah , that .

Speaker 2 9:33

I think Okay , so back to her question . Back to her question . So so I know a little bit about her experiences . And now the kids , I think at this point now are like they're in that five range , six range , seven-year-old range and stuff Like how long can you say mommy , guilt and all that stuff ? How long can you use all that stuff ? Like I mean , this is not I'm being devil's advocate and I'm playing a little bit , but after a while isn't there like come on now , listen , like you got to get back to work . You know what I'm saying . Like , isn't there thoughts ?

Speaker 1 10:09

about that . You want to make that money . He's like listen , come on yo .

Speaker 2 10:14

You just want to put you want to put this ox out . They get older , you know , like because the kids are older now . The kids are older now . Relatively now yes , yes , like , let's say for example you would you consider taking on more hours ?

Speaker 1 10:33

So with my kids being six and eight , potentially , yeah , right , like now that they're six and eight , they're in school full time , right , six and eight , they're in school full time , right . That's a little bit of a different story , but even then I would want to make sure that my schedule isn't so overburdened with work that I'm not missing so much , like today . For example , I volunteered for their picture day Right To kind of help , you know , keep the kids preoccupied after their pictures were taken right , that better look good .

Speaker 1 11:09

Let me tell you something . Your son , your son , his listen that class picture he was sitting there like this .

Speaker 1 11:15

He was going like this . I'm like come on , boy , stop , stop . He's like this this is how his class picture looks . His individual picture looks good , but his class picture he's like this this is how his class picture looks . His individual picture looks good , but his class picture he looks like this . So you got to see it on YouTube to see what I'm doing , if y'all are listening . So , yeah , I'm able to volunteer for that . Tomorrow I'm going to be volunteering for our other son's picture day . So I want to be able to do things like that . I need that flexibility and if I'm going to take a job , I want a job that's going to give me that flexibility . That hey , listen from 925 to 940, .

Speaker 2 11:56

I got to go to my son's school and volunteer because he's going to be looking crazy in these pictures if I don't , because he's going to be looking crazy in these pictures , if I don't , you know , what do you think about folks who like women , who like , for example , like when you are in like a practice , right , okay , where you're in a practice and because there's pressure , right , let's say , you're in a practice with other men , whatever specialty it may be , you know , and you're just getting out of residency or you're just getting out of training , or maybe you're practicing for a while and then all of a sudden you get pregnant and then you have to deliver and during those you know that time , the maternity leave , usually what ?

Speaker 2 12:35

12 weeks , you know , like everybody's changing their schedule and all these different things . Everybody says , yeah , we got you and so forth , and it's the law , right , like they got to give you that time and so forth . Did you talk about that pressure to come back ? Come back early sometimes to make sure that you feel like , hey , you don't want to lose your skills , or maybe you don't want people talking behind your back , or is that a real thing still ? What are your thoughts on that ?

Speaker 1 13:04

I cannot speak on that because that was not my experience . I really can't . What was your experience ? I quit right before I found out I was pregnant , yeah , and I never went back , right , I never went back to being employed . I can't really speak to that , but you know I'm going to say that , yes , there are a lot of women who feel that pressure right to perform because they have a goal in mind . Right , they also have the pressure of feeling like they want to be collegial , they want to be professional , and so work doesn't always give you that grace of being a mother while you're also trying to reach that professional goal . And so I would imagine that , yeah , there's a lot of pressure .

Speaker 1 13:53

Where you take time off , people are taking on your patients , because when you leave , you leave behind patients , and those patients don't just disappear . Those patients continue to have problems that need to be seen . They might need to be operated on , their treatments might need to be , you know , advanced . So you know there's a lot of pressure , I think , on those women in particular when they get pregnant , to be like , oh , maybe I should go back to work because everybody else is filling in for me and I'm not holding my weight . So I can't really speak to that because I didn't have that experience . So I can't just be like , oh , just forget everybody , just focus on yourself and whatever . It would be really , yeah , it would be irresponsible of me to say that you work in an ecosystem , so to speak .

Speaker 2 14:45

Yeah , that ecosystem has ebbs and flows , so that's a tough one .

Speaker 1 14:49

Yeah , it's tough . And then you have the pressure of speaking of 12 weeks . 12 weeks is three months . Think about it , it's not long like a three-month-old .

Speaker 2 14:59

It didn't click to me until we had a 12-month-old or a 12-week-old ?

Speaker 1 15:04

Yeah , 12-week-old , and I remember .

Speaker 2 15:05

I asked you I was like wait , so we supposed to just hand this baby over to somebody .

Speaker 1 15:08

Yes , I remember you and I was like , yep , go take him to the daycare and see what happened . 12 weeks , exactly 12 weeks A 12-week-old baby , that's a three-month-old baby . I'm supposed to go back to work . So now you feel like your

Career vs. Family: The Impossible Balance

Speaker 1 15:29

life , that you want , that you're building at home , this family that you're building at home is literally in direct competition with your , you know , with your professional aspirations , and that should never be Right . That should never be . They should be working in tandem . You know that should never be . That's a perfect world . That's a perfect world . Right , that's a perfect world , or that's never be .

Speaker 2 15:50

That's a perfect world , that's a perfect world Right , that's a perfect world , or that's locums , and I think , well , no , to some extent .

Speaker 2 15:54

But I mean , I think the thing that we have to realize and let people know that this sacrifice At least for me , it is this sacrifice to everything Of course , right , I'm speaking from the male perspective , but also , at the same time , I watch and I think just a true , unbiased view is there are sacrifices , right Like things that you have to just say you can't have everything right , you can't have the perfect practice , you can't make all the amount of money , and then you can't also expect to be there for your kids . Right Like , this stuff is work right , like if you want to be there for your kids , then there's going to have to be times when you have to say no to your job . If there are things that you want to do career-wise , then there's times when you have to say no to your family .

Speaker 2 16:29

Like there's just times where you just have to make it work in some form or fashion , realize that you don't have to be perfect , but I definitely sometimes look and I'm like man , like if you were working , you know , full-time , like we're leaving a lot of money on the table . But that's not where we value . We don't value that right now .

Speaker 1 16:46

That's not where we yeah , exactly when right now we value one , our relationship .

Speaker 2 16:51

two , making sure that the kids grow up in a very healthy relationship . And three , that they have the opportunities to do things that we never had . But you know , the bill's going to come when we get into our 60s and 70s because they're going to be taking care of us . Remember all that . Remember that 529s I've been you know right , those 529s that we were funding Anywho Preschool , and all that , like yo , you're going to have to pay us back for that .

Speaker 1 17:16

For real . Okay , neat , be quiet . That's how I look at it . It's the truth . Whatever Neat , now you potting , I'm not potting . I'm just saying , yes , you are Now , you're potting the bill's coming .

Speaker 2 17:31

Yeah , you're going to bill our children . My dad's going to pay for college and they may pay for even grad school . It's like , okay , 70 comes , 75 comes . Dad can't change his underwear anymore . You coming , come help me out . You remember that ? Remember those Jordans we got to .

Speaker 1 17:53

Anyway me out . You remember that . Remember those jordans we got to . Anyway me , I'm through with you , I am through with you , I'm done with you right now .

Speaker 2 18:00

I'm so done anywho . No , but seriously , to the listener , to the writer who wrote this question , this is a really good question and , um , thank you , renee , for um answering that in that , you with your candor , because I think you know , one thing that I want folks to really understand is that it's going to look different to everybody . Mom guilt , dad guilt . Dad guilt is a thing . Guys , yeah , ladies , dad guilt is a thing . It's not as prominent , we don't talk about it as much , there's not as much space to talk about that . But there are times when I'm gone and I'm thinking about it like man , like I'm missing out , taking them to . At least . I want to be able to put them to bed every day , or at least be able to take them to school . Right , there's got to be one thing . But when I'm gone , I'm gone for like a week , so I can't do any of those things . Right , I want to be able to help them with their homework and so forth , and there's times where I'm like man .

Speaker 2 18:47

All of this stuff accumulates , and is it accumulating into a bad thing or is it , you know , going to end up being really for the cause , so to speak , like the sacrifices that I'm making and stuff . But you know it's , you don't have all the answers

Necessary Sacrifices and Family Values

Speaker 2 19:00

. You do the best that you can and I think we kind of just go from there , but we do appreciate your answer . Or excuse me your question on this , renee . I appreciate your answer . Excuse me your question on this , renee . I appreciate your answer . This is a really good one . Um , I think we should actually leave it here .

Speaker 1 19:13

There's something that I wanted to speak about ?

Speaker 2 19:15

yeah , there's a . There was things I wanted to talk about with doctors and the whole notion that we've seen on social media about doctors wanting to keep people sick , which makes no sense . Let's answer on another podcast . Yeah , another podcast . But anybody who wants to know where I think about it very quickly . It's just like you guys really think doctors have way more power than we really do , right ? It's like that scene from malcolm x where you know the police officer is like no man should have all that .

Speaker 2 19:49

That's too much power for one man to have . You really think doctors have that much power power to keep people sick ? You know like we don't do that , but anyway , we'll talk about that on another episode . But we do appreciate you guys listening . We do appreciate you guys writing in . We got a lot of questions , um , that people have written in that we got to answer , and I also appreciate everybody for being patient with us like for real , like we talked in . We got a lot of questions that people have written in that we got to answer and I also appreciate everybody for being patient with us like for real , like we talked about in the beginning . You know we've been once we get to next year , 2026 , it'll be close to 10 years that we've been consistently doing this show .

Speaker 2 20:22

This show is for you guys . This show is about two doctors who are kind of figuring , or who have figured out how to take care of their debt , who figured out how to handle relationships , kids , as well as business and entrepreneurship . Right , like you've seen us if you've been listening from 2016 , you've seen us grow into so many different directions and stuff . So just needed a break , you know , and there are times when we just needed to rest and I just didn't feel like talking , and this is what happened this past month . So I appreciate y'all for listening again to this show . We really appreciate all of you all . I appreciate the whole team , from Alfred all the way to the rest of the team , audrey , as well as Kiara , and then the help , renee . You know the help , the help , dr Renee .

Speaker 1 21:07

They wrote a movie about it .

Speaker 2 21:09

You know . Anyway , all right , guys , we're going to catch you guys on the next episode of Docs Outside the Box . Talk to you guys later .

Speaker 1 21:16

Deuces .