{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":4.6,"body":"Humanistic on the world episode 26 rest in peace mom"},{"startTime":6.44,"endTime":10.9,"body":"Welcome to the episode of humanistic on the world. I am Dustin and Joining me is"},{"startTime":12.6,"endTime":14.8,"body":"Hello, all right, so"},{"startTime":15.68,"endTime":22.28,"body":"Been a while last you heard from me was May 31 when I said we're actually I didn't say we were taking a break"},{"startTime":22.28,"endTime":24.28,"body":"I acknowledged we were taking a break"},{"startTime":25.28,"endTime":28.52,"body":"Since the last real episode was April 25. Yeah"},{"startTime":30.56,"endTime":32.56,"body":"And now that the"},{"startTime":32.72,"endTime":39.8,"body":"Situation that resulted in that has come to a close. I am more comfortable talking about it more detail"},{"startTime":40.12,"endTime":42.12,"body":"It feels like a lifetime ago"},{"startTime":42.12,"endTime":48.64,"body":"We've had preschool graduation Memorial Day weekend that summer almost coming gone. It feels like yeah"},{"startTime":49.32,"endTime":52.84,"body":"And this episode is going to be heavy. I"},{"startTime":53.52,"endTime":55.52,"body":"Am using chapters"},{"startTime":56.12,"endTime":61.64,"body":"so if you're using a podcast app to listen to this the supports chapters and a"},{"startTime":62.52,"endTime":65.44,"body":"section is too heavy for you to handle"},{"startTime":66.04,"endTime":68.04,"body":"skip to the next chapter"},{"startTime":68.24,"endTime":70.92,"body":"before you skip the whole episode and so"},{"startTime":71.96,"endTime":73.96,"body":"For those of you that have been around for a while"},{"startTime":74.56,"endTime":76.56,"body":"you may recall the"},{"startTime":77.04,"endTime":79.04,"body":"September 2016"},{"startTime":79.48,"endTime":84.6,"body":"12-hour stream of thong we did to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society 12 hours"},{"startTime":85.04,"endTime":89.2,"body":"Did you do the full 12 hours, or did you just contribute an hour to the 12 hours? I?"},{"startTime":89.88,"endTime":93.0,"body":"Think I had a one-hour break. Yeah. Oh god. Okay"},{"startTime":93.52,"endTime":96.04,"body":"It's as bad as I remember it then. Yeah. Yeah, yeah"},{"startTime":96.04,"endTime":103.36,"body":"I I made a point of being there for as much as I possibly could I took breaks, but I was there for this is before the day of"},{"startTime":103.36,"endTime":105.36,"body":"Children. Yes. Yes"},{"startTime":106.24,"endTime":108.24,"body":"Just over a year before Kylie was born"},{"startTime":109.92,"endTime":114.08,"body":"But with that that team and that wasn't the first year we did light the night"},{"startTime":115.48,"endTime":120.44,"body":"the the team that we had was the Treasure Valley Coalition of Reason team and"},{"startTime":121.16,"endTime":124.56,"body":"our honored hero was my mom who"},{"startTime":125.56,"endTime":127.56,"body":"survived Hodgkin's lymphoma and"},{"startTime":128.68,"endTime":132.48,"body":"round 1980 1981 that was the"},{"startTime":133.04,"endTime":136.44,"body":"You know Hodgkin's lymphoma was the earliest form of cancer"},{"startTime":137.24,"endTime":140.96,"body":"identified it has had the highest survival rate"},{"startTime":141.84,"endTime":143.84,"body":"basically forever because"},{"startTime":144.0,"endTime":148.44,"body":"It's the first one to be really identified like that study really helped"},{"startTime":149.92,"endTime":157.16,"body":"It's the one that Hank Green science communicator youtuber podcaster has right now and is"},{"startTime":158.12,"endTime":162.8,"body":"Not particularly worried like he's not all that worried about it because it's it's stressful"},{"startTime":162.8,"endTime":170.6,"body":"It's a really high survival rate makes a hell of sick, but the treatments the treatments do make you come out of it"},{"startTime":170.6,"endTime":172.28,"body":"the other end is just"},{"startTime":172.36,"endTime":174.8,"body":"That year or two of your life is gone"},{"startTime":175.48,"endTime":181.44,"body":"Yeah, now at the time my mom had it back in the baby days. It was"},{"startTime":182.16,"endTime":184.16,"body":"You know a little bit different"},{"startTime":184.16,"endTime":188.28,"body":"chemo and radiate chemos were way more brutal than they are now and"},{"startTime":189.16,"endTime":191.0,"body":"the dosing was"},{"startTime":191.0,"endTime":194.28,"body":"Way more frequent. The radiation"},{"startTime":194.76,"endTime":199.88,"body":"Was so much precise dosing has just dumped it. Yeah and see what happens"},{"startTime":200.32,"endTime":202.32,"body":"the radiation was"},{"startTime":202.52,"endTime":208.68,"body":"62nd burst chin to toe front and back five days a week for three months straight"},{"startTime":209.24,"endTime":211.24,"body":"And she did that a couple times"},{"startTime":212.36,"endTime":214.36,"body":"She survived barely"},{"startTime":214.92,"endTime":220.6,"body":"She was told she would be sterile had me a couple years later not barely sterile which"},{"startTime":221.72,"endTime":225.16,"body":"resulted in me growing up believing that my birth was a miracle"},{"startTime":226.44,"endTime":229.0,"body":"Which made it harder to leave religion. Yeah"},{"startTime":229.88,"endTime":231.48,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":231.48,"endTime":233.48,"body":"the cancer had"},{"startTime":233.48,"endTime":235.48,"body":"lingering effects on her like"},{"startTime":236.6,"endTime":240.6,"body":"She despite the fact that she wasn't completely sterile"},{"startTime":241.8,"endTime":247.72,"body":"She was all but sterile and had to start on estrogen replacement therapy"},{"startTime":248.84,"endTime":250.52,"body":"very early"},{"startTime":250.52,"endTime":252.52,"body":"to avoid"},{"startTime":252.52,"endTime":256.12,"body":"But periamontopausal at what like 38 or something"},{"startTime":257.08,"endTime":263.08,"body":"30 something effectively she would have carried on effectively it would have been from 32. Yeah"},{"startTime":263.8,"endTime":265.8,"body":"Yeah, that would suck and"},{"startTime":266.04,"endTime":271.56,"body":"Then a puzzle rough probably at about 36. I was 30. She was 35 when I was born"},{"startTime":272.36,"endTime":273.24,"body":"and"},{"startTime":273.24,"endTime":275.24,"body":"so the the risk of"},{"startTime":275.24,"endTime":277.24,"body":"osteoporosis was a"},{"startTime":277.64,"endTime":283.08,"body":"Huge huge concern. Uh, she had her thyroid was fried her sweat glands roll fried"},{"startTime":283.72,"endTime":285.24,"body":"um"},{"startTime":285.24,"endTime":286.92,"body":"it had"},{"startTime":286.92,"endTime":290.84,"body":"It had lingering effects, but she had a really good life after that"},{"startTime":291.64,"endTime":293.64,"body":"And then she got to her 60s"},{"startTime":293.64,"endTime":298.2,"body":"In fact, she stopped going to any survivor things, right? Yeah, it was lasted everybody"},{"startTime":298.52,"endTime":302.76,"body":"There was nobody else like she was going to survival of survivor events"},{"startTime":302.84,"endTime":305.72,"body":"There was nobody there who had survived cancer more than five years"},{"startTime":306.6,"endTime":308.6,"body":"And when she was at 30 years"},{"startTime":309.08,"endTime":312.84,"body":"Well, it's starting to feel awkward that was resulting in a lot of survivor guilt"},{"startTime":313.4,"endTime":315.0,"body":"Yeah, yeah"},{"startTime":315.0,"endTime":319.16,"body":"And the man I can't imagine literally can't imagine. Yeah, the doctors had told her that"},{"startTime":319.72,"endTime":322.28,"body":"Absolute at the best she could expect she would survive"},{"startTime":322.92,"endTime":324.76,"body":"into her 60s"},{"startTime":324.76,"endTime":328.28,"body":"She made it to 74. Yeah, which is incredible"},{"startTime":329.96,"endTime":331.96,"body":"But in her 60s"},{"startTime":332.44,"endTime":335.56,"body":"The bone degradation resulted in the lower part of her back"},{"startTime":336.28,"endTime":337.4,"body":"collapsing"},{"startTime":337.4,"endTime":338.68,"body":"and that"},{"startTime":338.68,"endTime":340.52,"body":"Severely impacted her mobility"},{"startTime":341.32,"endTime":343.32,"body":"And she weakened"},{"startTime":343.32,"endTime":347.96,"body":"Not even not a wheelchair though, but not a wheelchair. She even went hiking with us on a couple of games. Oh, yeah"},{"startTime":348.28,"endTime":352.04,"body":"She hiked all over, uh, and you have good genes. Yeah, she"},{"startTime":352.76,"endTime":354.04,"body":"She was"},{"startTime":354.04,"endTime":356.44,"body":"She was smart in that she figured out"},{"startTime":357.32,"endTime":359.32,"body":"What she could do and maintain"},{"startTime":359.96,"endTime":366.84,"body":"The ability to feel her toes and what made her legs go numb and the things that made her legs go numb. She stopped doing"},{"startTime":367.72,"endTime":372.52,"body":"Lifting over 20 pounds was a big one. Okay, which meant no lifting children"},{"startTime":372.68,"endTime":374.68,"body":"Yeah, which I know I remember"},{"startTime":375.56,"endTime":377.56,"body":"Her making a comment when kylie was born"},{"startTime":378.2,"endTime":380.92,"body":"She wanted to hold kylie, but she was never gonna be able to pick her up"},{"startTime":381.16,"endTime":381.88,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":381.88,"endTime":383.88,"body":"Because if she did"},{"startTime":383.88,"endTime":389.32,"body":"You know by the time a toddler is at walking age, they're not 20 pounds, but they're getting there"},{"startTime":389.8,"endTime":392.04,"body":"She never would have been able to pick her up. Mm-hmm"},{"startTime":392.84,"endTime":396.84,"body":"She might have had a 10 pound limit. I don't remember exactly what it was. It was really light"},{"startTime":396.84,"endTime":399.4,"body":"Hold a baby, but she couldn't pick one up. I remember that. Yeah"},{"startTime":400.36,"endTime":401.72,"body":"and"},{"startTime":401.72,"endTime":403.0,"body":"then"},{"startTime":403.0,"endTime":404.52,"body":"She started having"},{"startTime":404.52,"endTime":407.32,"body":"About five years ago. She started having some heart problems and"},{"startTime":408.2,"endTime":410.36,"body":"eventually got into the doctor and they found"},{"startTime":411.08,"endTime":414.76,"body":"99 blockage and did emergency triple bypass"},{"startTime":415.56,"endTime":420.6,"body":"The blockage was from scar tissue from the radiation and chemo. Yeah"},{"startTime":421.48,"endTime":423.48,"body":"From that point on"},{"startTime":423.48,"endTime":426.2,"body":"I was waiting for what's the next landmine. Yeah"},{"startTime":426.84,"endTime":427.96,"body":"in fact"},{"startTime":427.96,"endTime":429.96,"body":"You did an episode"},{"startTime":429.96,"endTime":432.36,"body":"Either on the day that she had the surgery or the day after"},{"startTime":433.24,"endTime":441.72,"body":"And you talked about how weird that was yeah that you knew that her heart had stopped. Yeah, and uh, what's next kind of thing. Yep. And so then"},{"startTime":442.92,"endTime":444.92,"body":"August of 2021"},{"startTime":445.24,"endTime":447.24,"body":"She started having gallbladder pain"},{"startTime":447.32,"endTime":452.68,"body":"Which I mean line up right at that point my sister had had gallbladder pain my dad had gallbladder"},{"startTime":452.68,"endTime":454.6,"body":"It seemed like this was like the hottest craze"},{"startTime":455.16,"endTime":457.16,"body":"So everybody's having gallbladder pain"},{"startTime":457.56,"endTime":461.96,"body":"My mom came close in her 50s to getting her gallbladder removed"},{"startTime":462.2,"endTime":463.16,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":463.16,"endTime":470.04,"body":"It resolved, but that was a lingering thing that as soon as that starts hurting again, they'd go ahead and take it out"},{"startTime":471.0,"endTime":472.84,"body":"It started hurting again"},{"startTime":472.84,"endTime":474.04,"body":"and"},{"startTime":474.04,"endTime":475.88,"body":"This was august september"},{"startTime":476.84,"endTime":481.64,"body":"And october 2021 there was a major covid outbreak where she lived"},{"startTime":482.12,"endTime":487.16,"body":"Yeah, she couldn't yeah, so they couldn't get imaging. She was it was completely shut down. No imaging"},{"startTime":487.88,"endTime":492.04,"body":"It took forever to get her into an operating room and when the doctor got in there"},{"startTime":492.04,"endTime":496.04,"body":"He found a tumor literally instead of image because there was so little imaging available"},{"startTime":496.04,"endTime":501.88,"body":"They decided to do surgery first. Yep. Like wow the surgeon went in just to see what was going on"},{"startTime":502.12,"endTime":504.12,"body":"The surgeon went and blind"},{"startTime":504.12,"endTime":506.12,"body":"the assumption was"},{"startTime":506.52,"endTime":510.52,"body":"It was a really bad gallbladder attack. The gallbladder needed to be removed"},{"startTime":510.76,"endTime":515.16,"body":"He got in there and he couldn't find the gallbladder because there was a tumor there instead. Yeah"},{"startTime":516.04,"endTime":522.2,"body":"And so he took a biopsy did an exploratory to see how far the tumor had gone because again"},{"startTime":522.6,"endTime":525.96,"body":"It was going to be a couple months past that before"},{"startTime":526.52,"endTime":531.72,"body":"The covid outbreak subsided and they could go 24 hours without imaging a covid patient"},{"startTime":532.6,"endTime":536.52,"body":"No MRIs no cats. They were finally able to start doing imaging"},{"startTime":536.84,"endTime":540.52,"body":"It was amazing how it was we were all worried about the hospitals collapsing"},{"startTime":541.08,"endTime":545.64,"body":"In so many regards. I never thought about the effects of not having imaging. Yeah"},{"startTime":546.44,"endTime":548.92,"body":"So all the radio techs out there man hurt you"},{"startTime":549.64,"endTime":555.56,"body":"That was a rough time because the way the imaging equipment worked and those rooms worked"},{"startTime":556.36,"endTime":559.56,"body":"They had to go at least 24 hours with no covid patients"},{"startTime":560.52,"endTime":563.24,"body":"And every imager was being used at least"},{"startTime":564.44,"endTime":569.0,"body":"at enough of a pace to check lung function and whatnot for covid patients"},{"startTime":569.64,"endTime":570.92,"body":"so"},{"startTime":570.92,"endTime":572.92,"body":"They she got the cancer diagnosis"},{"startTime":573.88,"endTime":575.88,"body":"off of the biopsy"},{"startTime":576.04,"endTime":578.28,"body":"It took longer to get to"},{"startTime":579.16,"endTime":582.92,"body":"the imaging to actually get the full diagnosis"},{"startTime":583.64,"endTime":584.84,"body":"of"},{"startTime":584.84,"endTime":587.0,"body":"intra hepatic bile duct cancer"},{"startTime":587.56,"endTime":591.64,"body":"That's not the proper name for it. The proper name is really hard to pronounce"},{"startTime":592.52,"endTime":593.88,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":593.88,"endTime":597.24,"body":"It's scientific enough that if you want to look it up, you can find it"},{"startTime":597.8,"endTime":603.96,"body":"If not liver, but it's liver adjacent it well intra hepatic means within the liver"},{"startTime":603.96,"endTime":607.48,"body":"No liver. It's it's a cancer of the bile duct lining"},{"startTime":608.28,"endTime":613.4,"body":"Like the epithelial cells that line the bile ducts can become cancerous"},{"startTime":613.48,"endTime":615.72,"body":"Just like any other cell in the body can"},{"startTime":616.44,"endTime":621.88,"body":"And if it starts within the liver, it's different than if it starts around the gallbladder"},{"startTime":621.88,"endTime":624.92,"body":"Which is different than if it's actually the gallbladder itself"},{"startTime":625.8,"endTime":631.08,"body":"Versus it's different if it's the common bile duct below the gallbladder and the prognosis"},{"startTime":631.48,"endTime":635.16,"body":"Oncologists need to be specific. Yeah, the specificity is"},{"startTime":636.36,"endTime":637.72,"body":"is intense"},{"startTime":637.72,"endTime":639.56,"body":"Uh intra hepatic"},{"startTime":639.56,"endTime":642.68,"body":"Which my mom had is the most aggressive and has the"},{"startTime":643.64,"endTime":645.64,"body":"lowest survival rates"},{"startTime":645.96,"endTime":650.76,"body":"Big factor is it's the hardest to operate on because if it starts outside of the liver"},{"startTime":651.0,"endTime":656.2,"body":"It can attack a different organ and cause symptoms that result in it getting diagnosed"},{"startTime":657.16,"endTime":659.64,"body":"When it's small enough that they can do surgery"},{"startTime":660.6,"endTime":661.96,"body":"By the time"},{"startTime":661.96,"endTime":665.08,"body":"Her's got diagnosed and they got a full picture of it"},{"startTime":665.16,"endTime":669.16,"body":"They couldn't surgically remove it because they would have had to take too much of her liver"},{"startTime":669.48,"endTime":675.4,"body":"You know, we all learn in elementary school or middle school that you can live with what 51 percent of your liver or something"},{"startTime":675.4,"endTime":676.68,"body":"I think it's about 20"},{"startTime":676.68,"endTime":681.48,"body":"Actually, um, I did that was the i'm telling you. Oh, yeah. Yes. Okay. Elementary school"},{"startTime":681.48,"endTime":684.12,"body":"Like you can live with half slightly more than half of your littever"},{"startTime":684.84,"endTime":688.36,"body":"Um plus or minus so like a percentage but you need to have half of it"},{"startTime":689.08,"endTime":691.4,"body":"And this was that's fair. This won't this went over that"},{"startTime":692.2,"endTime":694.6,"body":"They would have had to remove something like 80 percent of her liver"},{"startTime":694.68,"endTime":700.12,"body":"So that was no good chance of her surviving the surgery whether or not she would have liver function was zero"},{"startTime":700.36,"endTime":705.08,"body":"Yeah, they already knew that with her heart history that there wasn't any surgical option anyway"},{"startTime":705.48,"endTime":708.52,"body":"I remember us holding on to the hope there for a little while, but I kind of"},{"startTime":709.24,"endTime":711.4,"body":"We all knew that that wasn't going to be an option"},{"startTime":712.12,"endTime":715.56,"body":"With your back surgery the surgeon refused to operate. No"},{"startTime":716.2,"endTime":723.32,"body":"Uh surgeons no surgeon has ever liked the risk that my mom presented the the fact that one was willing to do it to"},{"startTime":724.28,"endTime":726.2,"body":"Figure out what was going on with her gallbladder was"},{"startTime":727.0,"endTime":729.0,"body":"Saying something about how bad that was"},{"startTime":729.64,"endTime":734.68,"body":"The prognosis was terrible and her previous history with cancer limited options"},{"startTime":735.8,"endTime":736.76,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":736.76,"endTime":741.16,"body":"Any kind of generalized radiation wasn't available because as her oncologist put it"},{"startTime":741.16,"endTime":744.28,"body":"She'd already had a true nobles worth of radiation"},{"startTime":745.0,"endTime":747.8,"body":"It was the only early days. They didn't know what they were doing"},{"startTime":747.88,"endTime":750.84,"body":"Like I said, they kind of dumped a bucket of radiation on her and hope for the best"},{"startTime":751.56,"endTime":758.44,"body":"It worked out thanks to her previous history with chemo the two chemos they tried actually three chemos they tried"},{"startTime":758.84,"endTime":760.84,"body":"She didn't tolerate. Yeah"},{"startTime":761.32,"endTime":766.68,"body":"There was some really cool pretty experimental treatment. She got to do one was a"},{"startTime":767.72,"endTime":769.72,"body":"Uranium 91"},{"startTime":770.12,"endTime":772.12,"body":"beads that were"},{"startTime":772.12,"endTime":774.12,"body":"injected into the"},{"startTime":775.08,"endTime":780.04,"body":"Actual blood supply of the tumor those did had the most effect they"},{"startTime":781.08,"endTime":783.08,"body":"eliminated the pain that she had"},{"startTime":783.88,"endTime":785.16,"body":"and"},{"startTime":785.16,"endTime":789.88,"body":"slowed the growth of the tumor now one thing I have to say for the covid pandemic is that"},{"startTime":790.68,"endTime":794.28,"body":"If you're a pulmonologist, you're booked. You're you were at working"},{"startTime":794.92,"endTime":801.96,"body":"18 hour days 16 hour days every day for months oncologists were bored out of their minds"},{"startTime":803.08,"endTime":805.96,"body":"Um, so apparently because the people at ohsu"},{"startTime":806.6,"endTime":812.52,"body":"Jumped on her case. She had professionals from all over the pacific northwest helping her in this her specific case"},{"startTime":813.48,"endTime":818.44,"body":"I will not be surprised if her name is chose up on a research paper here coming up soon because"},{"startTime":818.84,"endTime":822.12,"body":"They had seen very little of what she was going through there. They're"},{"startTime":823.08,"endTime":824.92,"body":"bile deck cancers are"},{"startTime":825.96,"endTime":827.96,"body":"There's about 8,000 a year in the u.s"},{"startTime":829.0,"endTime":834.36,"body":"Sounds like a lot, but it's not that's yeah, that's that's there's a couple in each state"},{"startTime":835.0,"endTime":839.4,"body":"More than a few if you're in texas or or california because they're big states"},{"startTime":840.04,"endTime":844.44,"body":"But in the northwest there's there's not many uh the y90 was really cool"},{"startTime":845.4,"endTime":847.24,"body":"She got to do that"},{"startTime":847.24,"endTime":849.48,"body":"And it provided benefit"},{"startTime":850.12,"endTime":852.84,"body":"That was great. She did an immunotherapy"},{"startTime":853.64,"endTime":857.24,"body":"And these immunotherapies are really cool because and super promising"},{"startTime":857.56,"endTime":861.88,"body":"It's an area where there's a lot of research going in where they are targeting"},{"startTime":862.76,"endTime":864.76,"body":"immune regulator"},{"startTime":865.0,"endTime":866.68,"body":"molecules"},{"startTime":866.68,"endTime":868.68,"body":"that tumors"},{"startTime":868.68,"endTime":869.8,"body":"hijack"},{"startTime":869.8,"endTime":874.04,"body":"to get the immune system to ignore them and if you can block that"},{"startTime":874.84,"endTime":875.8,"body":"that"},{"startTime":875.8,"endTime":877.8,"body":"that regulation pathway"},{"startTime":878.12,"endTime":880.12,"body":"the immune system"},{"startTime":880.2,"endTime":883.08,"body":"Can have a better chance of knocking out the tumor"},{"startTime":883.8,"endTime":885.8,"body":"She was on it two months"},{"startTime":886.04,"endTime":888.04,"body":"It did not change"},{"startTime":888.36,"endTime":891.88,"body":"Anything with the tumor, but it did end up killing her adrenal gland"},{"startTime":892.12,"endTime":899.0,"body":"Yeah, which this was this was a gonna go. Yeah, and this was a particular kind of of medication that"},{"startTime":899.88,"endTime":901.64,"body":"uh, though"},{"startTime":901.64,"endTime":903.32,"body":"It was a near"},{"startTime":903.32,"endTime":906.6,"body":"basically if you survived long enough after taking it which"},{"startTime":907.08,"endTime":910.36,"body":"Nobody survived very long after taking it, but if you survived long enough"},{"startTime":910.92,"endTime":912.92,"body":"You would have some kind of autoimmune disorder"},{"startTime":913.48,"endTime":917.4,"body":"Antithyroid was the most common. My mom doesn't have a functioning thyroid. So"},{"startTime":918.2,"endTime":920.84,"body":"It found something else. It got the adrenal gland"},{"startTime":921.64,"endTime":923.08,"body":"and"},{"startTime":923.08,"endTime":925.08,"body":"It was a long process"},{"startTime":925.16,"endTime":927.16,"body":"It was a brutal process"},{"startTime":927.24,"endTime":930.76,"body":"We were lucky that we managed to be on our visits"},{"startTime":931.16,"endTime":932.68,"body":"She was doing well"},{"startTime":932.68,"endTime":936.2,"body":"We didn't see her at her worst most of the time until she broke her hip"},{"startTime":936.92,"endTime":940.2,"body":"Yeah, and you know what they say about little ladies who break their hips"},{"startTime":941.16,"endTime":944.68,"body":"She knew it she worked in a nursing home for a long time. Yep"},{"startTime":945.64,"endTime":949.08,"body":"But um and everything everything she did was to prevent that from happening"},{"startTime":949.24,"endTime":954.76,"body":"But sooner or later when your bones don't hold up your body anymore"},{"startTime":955.48,"endTime":957.48,"body":"something's got to give so"},{"startTime":958.2,"endTime":960.2,"body":"That's what gave yep, so"},{"startTime":961.08,"endTime":963.08,"body":"Yeah, she broke her hip"},{"startTime":963.24,"endTime":965.24,"body":"She was hoping to get surgery"},{"startTime":966.2,"endTime":967.8,"body":"The doctor"},{"startTime":967.8,"endTime":973.64,"body":"Said that there was a big chance that she wouldn't survive the anesthesia. She said that's fine"},{"startTime":974.6,"endTime":976.6,"body":"That that's not that's not bad"},{"startTime":976.76,"endTime":980.28,"body":"Like she didn't see that as a negative at that point"},{"startTime":980.92,"endTime":982.92,"body":"but the anesthesiologist"},{"startTime":983.24,"endTime":988.12,"body":"Wasn't willing to take the risk maybe an Oregon, but they're not suicide doctors. Yeah, they're not gonna"},{"startTime":989.16,"endTime":995.0,"body":"Harm a patient in any way if she had held liable. She could have gone that route"},{"startTime":995.32,"endTime":999.48,"body":"Because she was an Oregon. She couldn't go that route because she's Adventist"},{"startTime":1000.04,"endTime":1006.6,"body":"And that was really frustrating for me because here I see a woman a very proud woman who worked in this field for a long time"},{"startTime":1006.68,"endTime":1010.04,"body":"Seeing things happen right before her eyes that she never wanted to have happen. Yeah"},{"startTime":1010.84,"endTime":1012.36,"body":"um"},{"startTime":1012.36,"endTime":1014.36,"body":"And in Oregon there there's an out"},{"startTime":1015.0,"endTime":1017.0,"body":"as long as you are of"},{"startTime":1017.16,"endTime":1019.32,"body":"Sound mind and have two doctors"},{"startTime":1019.96,"endTime":1025.16,"body":"And less than six months to live. She probably had a dozen doctors and definitely less than six months"},{"startTime":1025.16,"endTime":1029.8,"body":"She could have made that choice. Yeah, uh, but I didn't fully understand"},{"startTime":1031.0,"endTime":1033.0,"body":"How Adventists view"},{"startTime":1033.88,"endTime":1035.88,"body":"the afterlife so"},{"startTime":1036.04,"endTime":1038.04,"body":"That's okay, you know, that's not"},{"startTime":1038.28,"endTime":1040.68,"body":"It's an individual's decision to do that"},{"startTime":1040.92,"endTime":1048.28,"body":"So she chose not to for as many religious people would choose not like even non religious people would have a hard time"},{"startTime":1048.92,"endTime":1052.6,"body":"Signing that paper, you know, it's and it's one where"},{"startTime":1053.72,"endTime":1055.8,"body":"the number of people who"},{"startTime":1055.8,"endTime":1057.8,"body":"Would sign that paper"},{"startTime":1057.96,"endTime":1060.68,"body":"Be able to sign off on that while being"},{"startTime":1061.72,"endTime":1063.0,"body":"of"},{"startTime":1063.0,"endTime":1065.0,"body":"Sound of mind is very few"},{"startTime":1065.56,"endTime":1068.52,"body":"Well, it's like saying that um mass shooters are insane"},{"startTime":1068.84,"endTime":1072.92,"body":"Yes, they are inherently insane because to kill that many people is an act of insanity"},{"startTime":1073.64,"endTime":1079.88,"body":"To end your life prematurely some would argue is an act of insanity. Therefore you can't be of sound mind"},{"startTime":1079.96,"endTime":1087.08,"body":"Which is why it hasn't caught on anywhere else. Yeah, uh, I don't necessarily believe that now if you are terminally ill it is"},{"startTime":1087.48,"endTime":1089.48,"body":"You know, there is a point"},{"startTime":1089.8,"endTime":1098.2,"body":"And and that was one of the things that we we got to see was there was a point when she was of sound mind and could have made that determination"},{"startTime":1098.76,"endTime":1100.76,"body":"and then there was the period of time where"},{"startTime":1101.24,"endTime":1105.16,"body":"Her sound mind was gone. Yeah, and that was hard to see"},{"startTime":1105.88,"endTime":1107.24,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":1107.24,"endTime":1108.84,"body":"since"},{"startTime":1108.84,"endTime":1110.84,"body":"Her diagnosis"},{"startTime":1110.84,"endTime":1112.52,"body":"We made"},{"startTime":1112.52,"endTime":1114.52,"body":"nine trips thousand"},{"startTime":1114.92,"endTime":1116.92,"body":"60 miles round trip"},{"startTime":1117.16,"endTime":1118.84,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1118.84,"endTime":1123.48,"body":"Seven of those were in the last year and averaging what 11 hours"},{"startTime":1124.52,"endTime":1130.28,"body":"Total about 10 hour travel time slower in the winter with and slower when kylie was younger"},{"startTime":1130.44,"endTime":1133.16,"body":"Yeah, yeah, when kylie was younger it took a lot longer"},{"startTime":1133.72,"endTime":1137.8,"body":"Uh when we'd have the dogs with us it would take longer than when they were staying with somebody"},{"startTime":1137.96,"endTime":1139.96,"body":"We got pretty good at this spring though. We're"},{"startTime":1139.96,"endTime":1141.96,"body":"It was dead winter. It was"},{"startTime":1143.64,"endTime":1147.88,"body":"It was a lot slower when going over the mountains for 30 miles an hour. Yeah"},{"startTime":1149.56,"endTime":1154.36,"body":"But we got those that time in yes and each visit we made"},{"startTime":1155.32,"endTime":1159.4,"body":"She had an improvement in quality of life. Um, she called it her kylie fix"},{"startTime":1161.24,"endTime":1164.12,"body":"Because as soon as she'd see kylie her"},{"startTime":1165.0,"endTime":1167.0,"body":"Everything was better"},{"startTime":1167.0,"endTime":1169.24,"body":"And that's awesome. Yeah"},{"startTime":1169.24,"endTime":1175.48,"body":"And i'm greatly comforted by the knowledge that we helped in that regard. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's"},{"startTime":1176.84,"endTime":1178.84,"body":"shift gears slightly"},{"startTime":1179.48,"endTime":1182.92,"body":"It's been long enough. You can't remember the buttons, can you? No, it's i don't know which one i want to play"},{"startTime":1182.92,"endTime":1184.92,"body":"To get that label maker"},{"startTime":1191.24,"endTime":1195.72,"body":"I think this is an appropriate sound this is from the schism's podcast"},{"startTime":1197.16,"endTime":1200.36,"body":"But i still think it's an appropriate sound for the the tone"},{"startTime":1202.2,"endTime":1203.8,"body":"I don't know it just makes your board look pretty"},{"startTime":1204.44,"endTime":1206.44,"body":"The five stages of grief"},{"startTime":1206.6,"endTime":1208.2,"body":"No, you had"},{"startTime":1208.2,"endTime":1214.52,"body":"The class on this right you were a theology student you actually took the class the class okay, so as"},{"startTime":1215.56,"endTime":1218.2,"body":"Through some of the core classes of my theology major"},{"startTime":1218.92,"endTime":1220.52,"body":"there was"},{"startTime":1220.52,"endTime":1226.12,"body":"The year of preaching classes one quarter of which was weddings and funerals"},{"startTime":1227.08,"endTime":1231.8,"body":"half of the weddings and funerals class was on funerals and grief counseling and"},{"startTime":1232.44,"endTime":1235.72,"body":"helping people through dying and the ministerial side of that"},{"startTime":1236.6,"endTime":1238.36,"body":"Separate from that"},{"startTime":1238.36,"endTime":1242.6,"body":"As part of a psych minor that i was one class short of finishing"},{"startTime":1243.16,"endTime":1245.0,"body":"You said a little better there"},{"startTime":1245.0,"endTime":1246.2,"body":"A little better"},{"startTime":1246.2,"endTime":1248.84,"body":"It conflicted the one i needed to"},{"startTime":1249.32,"endTime":1256.36,"body":"Abnormal psychology was the class that i needed to finish up the the minor and it conflicted with one of the core majors"},{"startTime":1257.32,"endTime":1261.56,"body":"I hate that core core classes for my major you can't afford to do a whole another semester"},{"startTime":1262.2,"endTime":1265.72,"body":"Just to do the one class, but yeah, anyway, so abnormal would have been fun"},{"startTime":1266.44,"endTime":1268.44,"body":"So i did uh death and dying"},{"startTime":1269.08,"endTime":1273.8,"body":"An entire three quarter hour course on on death and dying"},{"startTime":1274.28,"endTime":1276.28,"body":"two people teaching it one of whom"},{"startTime":1277.16,"endTime":1281.0,"body":"Had worked for many years as a chaplain in a hospital the other one was a"},{"startTime":1281.88,"endTime":1286.44,"body":"master of social work who was i think they got a doctorate in psychology and"},{"startTime":1287.24,"endTime":1289.24,"body":"Was damn she was good"},{"startTime":1290.76,"endTime":1293.88,"body":"Uh, but i went through a class learning all about"},{"startTime":1294.68,"endTime":1296.52,"body":"About the process"},{"startTime":1296.52,"endTime":1303.64,"body":"I have experienced it quite a few times with cousins who died in car accidents with my grandparents dying with an"},{"startTime":1303.8,"endTime":1305.8,"body":"A few dying of a drug overdose"},{"startTime":1306.12,"endTime":1308.12,"body":"Uh an estranged father dying"},{"startTime":1309.16,"endTime":1311.88,"body":"I've experienced it from a bunch of different angles as well"},{"startTime":1312.68,"endTime":1314.68,"body":"This was totally different from any of those"},{"startTime":1315.56,"endTime":1317.96,"body":"uh, the five stages of grief though are"},{"startTime":1319.16,"endTime":1324.84,"body":"They're pretty common pretty standard. Uh, it's the kubler ross model"},{"startTime":1325.64,"endTime":1329.24,"body":"It's denial anger bargaining depression acceptance"},{"startTime":1330.28,"endTime":1332.36,"body":"I remember this from the simpsons episode"},{"startTime":1334.36,"endTime":1335.88,"body":"and"},{"startTime":1335.88,"endTime":1337.88,"body":"Denial depending on who you are"},{"startTime":1338.92,"endTime":1343.4,"body":"Will determine how long it takes and what form that takes"},{"startTime":1343.72,"endTime":1346.2,"body":"Uh, I know i'm a weirdo"},{"startTime":1347.24,"endTime":1349.24,"body":"So denial isn't"},{"startTime":1350.68,"endTime":1351.96,"body":"No"},{"startTime":1351.96,"endTime":1354.28,"body":"No, she's going to do fine. She's going to be able to get the surgery"},{"startTime":1355.08,"endTime":1358.28,"body":"She's going to make it for me denial was"},{"startTime":1359.16,"endTime":1361.08,"body":"I'm freaked out about what I don't know"},{"startTime":1361.8,"endTime":1367.88,"body":"I need to learn everything I can about this. Okay, so you you had it, but it came across at a very different"},{"startTime":1368.68,"endTime":1374.2,"body":"For me, it's weird. Yeah, then the average person would have gone. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah"},{"startTime":1374.84,"endTime":1379.4,"body":"Uh, my my my brain is just wired differently in how that how denial works"},{"startTime":1380.2,"endTime":1384.36,"body":"Uh denial for me practicing skepticism for a long time. So"},{"startTime":1385.0,"endTime":1392.28,"body":"You you are inherently doubtful of good news anyway. Yep. Um, or hopeful news"},{"startTime":1392.84,"endTime":1397.0,"body":"It's like, okay. Well, yeah, that's nice. But what are the facts? That's very good"},{"startTime":1397.8,"endTime":1400.36,"body":"training to have yeah, uh, anchor"},{"startTime":1401.32,"endTime":1403.32,"body":"I definitely"},{"startTime":1403.32,"endTime":1408.84,"body":"Went through there wasn't really much of the the standard, you know, phrasing of why me"},{"startTime":1408.92,"endTime":1410.52,"body":"it's not fair or"},{"startTime":1410.52,"endTime":1416.04,"body":"How can this happen to me or who's the blame or why would this happen? I knew the answers to all those right"},{"startTime":1417.0,"endTime":1419.32,"body":"It was her time statistically speaking"},{"startTime":1420.12,"endTime":1422.12,"body":"It was her time"},{"startTime":1422.12,"endTime":1425.8,"body":"Statistically speaking if she was at high risk of bad things happening. Yeah"},{"startTime":1426.44,"endTime":1427.72,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1427.72,"endTime":1429.4,"body":"It sucked"},{"startTime":1429.4,"endTime":1433.32,"body":"But if anything you had a few, you know, it was easy to get angry at a doctor"},{"startTime":1434.12,"endTime":1438.76,"body":"Uh, I found it was there was a period of time where it was very there were several periods of time"},{"startTime":1439.16,"endTime":1443.56,"body":"Because one of the things with the five stages is you can go through them multiple times through the same death"},{"startTime":1443.56,"endTime":1449.0,"body":"Especially when it's a death that you're you've gotten a year and a half to prepare for yeah"},{"startTime":1449.88,"endTime":1455.72,"body":"You can't complete it without closure. Yeah, so that was 18 months of going through this"},{"startTime":1456.76,"endTime":1458.76,"body":"cycle over and over and over again"},{"startTime":1459.24,"endTime":1463.96,"body":"Denial in in later stages denial ended up taking the form of just"},{"startTime":1464.68,"endTime":1466.68,"body":"kind of suspension of disbelief to be"},{"startTime":1467.56,"endTime":1471.08,"body":"Try to be positive and supportive of whatever new treatment my mom was trying"},{"startTime":1471.8,"endTime":1472.76,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1472.76,"endTime":1473.88,"body":"Anger"},{"startTime":1473.88,"endTime":1477.24,"body":"In a lot of cases and it me just being shorter with people"},{"startTime":1477.88,"endTime":1480.12,"body":"It was a period of time where I was just angrier"},{"startTime":1480.92,"endTime":1483.08,"body":"at several points. Yeah, not at"},{"startTime":1483.96,"endTime":1485.96,"body":"a thing but just"},{"startTime":1486.04,"endTime":1487.56,"body":"in general"},{"startTime":1487.56,"endTime":1490.2,"body":"Yeah, uh bargaining is the third phase"},{"startTime":1491.48,"endTime":1498.6,"body":"Of course if you don't have anyone to bargain bargain with that one kind of falls flat doesn't it bargaining in this one"},{"startTime":1499.48,"endTime":1502.52,"body":"Okay, that's that's that's what can you do to try to"},{"startTime":1503.72,"endTime":1506.04,"body":"You know, there's negotiating with god. There's"},{"startTime":1506.76,"endTime":1511.64,"body":"Which doesn't apply here. There's negotiating with doctors. There's just trying to figure out"},{"startTime":1512.12,"endTime":1513.24,"body":"you know"},{"startTime":1513.24,"endTime":1514.28,"body":"if"},{"startTime":1514.28,"endTime":1516.28,"body":"if we try this will it"},{"startTime":1516.76,"endTime":1519.4,"body":"Make it hurt less but that's not really bargaining"},{"startTime":1519.48,"endTime":1523.8,"body":"That's you mostly left it up to the experts trusted the experts in their opinions"},{"startTime":1523.8,"endTime":1529.32,"body":"My mom went my mom didn't really do any bargaining. She went with whatever the doctor suggested. She was willing to try"},{"startTime":1529.48,"endTime":1531.48,"body":"Yeah, if it didn't work, she didn't"},{"startTime":1532.2,"endTime":1534.2,"body":"She stopped it"},{"startTime":1534.92,"endTime":1536.92,"body":"The closest I would come to"},{"startTime":1537.24,"endTime":1539.24,"body":"to the bargaining would be"},{"startTime":1540.04,"endTime":1542.28,"body":"Making as many trips as possible over there. Yeah"},{"startTime":1543.08,"endTime":1547.64,"body":"In hopes that seeing her that many times in particular that birthday trip"},{"startTime":1548.44,"endTime":1549.56,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1549.56,"endTime":1554.92,"body":"That was when the weather was the worst that was the slowest drive. It was the most stressful"},{"startTime":1555.88,"endTime":1562.04,"body":"Uh, but we got there for her birthday on january 5 and got to spend her last birthday with her. Yeah"},{"startTime":1563.24,"endTime":1565.32,"body":"Uh, really bargain not really but"},{"startTime":1566.52,"endTime":1571.64,"body":"Again, you're weird. Yeah, I'm weird. That one doesn't work all that well with me a lot of people do bargaining a lot better"},{"startTime":1572.36,"endTime":1573.96,"body":"Well, the better"},{"startTime":1573.96,"endTime":1575.96,"body":"Give yourself some credit"},{"startTime":1576.2,"endTime":1578.2,"body":"Uh depression"},{"startTime":1578.2,"endTime":1580.2,"body":"Is a pretty obvious one"},{"startTime":1580.44,"endTime":1581.24,"body":"Um"},{"startTime":1581.24,"endTime":1587.48,"body":"I came back to that over and over again in particular anytime"},{"startTime":1588.44,"endTime":1590.44,"body":"We left after a visit or"},{"startTime":1591.08,"endTime":1593.64,"body":"The newest bad new newest bad news. Yeah"},{"startTime":1594.52,"endTime":1595.4,"body":"And"},{"startTime":1595.4,"endTime":1597.4,"body":"The final step is acceptance"},{"startTime":1597.88,"endTime":1598.92,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1598.92,"endTime":1600.92,"body":"You jumped right to that one early on"},{"startTime":1601.08,"endTime":1603.56,"body":"You didn't know that you were gonna have to do it over and over again though"},{"startTime":1603.72,"endTime":1609.56,"body":"I knew I was going to have to do it over and over again. Yeah, uh, I would say for the most part. I went through"},{"startTime":1610.6,"endTime":1612.6,"body":"In the first nine months"},{"startTime":1612.84,"endTime":1614.84,"body":"I went through the five stages"},{"startTime":1615.48,"endTime":1617.48,"body":"Uh, it was that"},{"startTime":1617.48,"endTime":1622.12,"body":"Just about a year ago little over a year ago when uh, my mom sat me down and"},{"startTime":1622.92,"endTime":1623.96,"body":"Made sure I"},{"startTime":1623.96,"endTime":1626.76,"body":"It was clear in my mind that she was going to die"},{"startTime":1627.48,"endTime":1629.48,"body":"We then went to the beach and"},{"startTime":1630.44,"endTime":1633.08,"body":"I spent three days going through"},{"startTime":1634.04,"endTime":1635.24,"body":"depression"},{"startTime":1635.24,"endTime":1640.84,"body":"To acceptance and then we got covid. Yeah, that was fun. Uh"},{"startTime":1642.28,"endTime":1643.16,"body":"So"},{"startTime":1643.16,"endTime":1645.32,"body":"I had to cycle through these a few times"},{"startTime":1646.12,"endTime":1649.0,"body":"That they didn't cover that in your class. They did. Oh good"},{"startTime":1649.72,"endTime":1651.08,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":1651.08,"endTime":1654.12,"body":"It's presented as a a linear thing. It's not linear"},{"startTime":1654.76,"endTime":1656.6,"body":"The five stages"},{"startTime":1656.6,"endTime":1661.64,"body":"You you move through them many times you can reach acceptance and then go back to anger"},{"startTime":1662.12,"endTime":1664.36,"body":"Or back to bargaining or back to depression"},{"startTime":1665.16,"endTime":1670.92,"body":"You have to get you know, almost every in according to the class everybody has to go through all five phases"},{"startTime":1671.72,"endTime":1676.68,"body":"Bargaining is broken for me. Uh, it's a higher power based one. Yeah, that's not really"},{"startTime":1677.72,"endTime":1678.92,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1678.92,"endTime":1681.4,"body":"I went through the others several times. I"},{"startTime":1682.2,"endTime":1686.28,"body":"Spent a lot of time going back and forth between the depression and acceptance phases"},{"startTime":1687.4,"endTime":1691.16,"body":"Which definitely had a huge impact on"},{"startTime":1691.96,"endTime":1694.2,"body":"How many podcast episodes I was able to do?"},{"startTime":1694.92,"endTime":1696.92,"body":"My creative bucket has been empty"},{"startTime":1697.88,"endTime":1699.88,"body":"I get a bucket metaphor"},{"startTime":1700.36,"endTime":1702.84,"body":"Yeah, you had a leak you sprung a leak, but"},{"startTime":1704.04,"endTime":1705.56,"body":"acceptance"},{"startTime":1705.56,"endTime":1706.84,"body":"Was fleeting"},{"startTime":1706.84,"endTime":1708.52,"body":"without closure"},{"startTime":1708.52,"endTime":1710.52,"body":"and when she died"},{"startTime":1710.84,"endTime":1712.68,"body":"June 29"},{"startTime":1712.68,"endTime":1714.68,"body":"And I got word"},{"startTime":1714.68,"endTime":1716.28,"body":"It was closed"},{"startTime":1716.28,"endTime":1718.12,"body":"That was the closure"},{"startTime":1718.12,"endTime":1720.44,"body":"Closure didn't mean immediate acceptance"},{"startTime":1721.24,"endTime":1723.32,"body":"But it closed the loop it closed the loop"},{"startTime":1724.2,"endTime":1725.96,"body":"It's still sad"},{"startTime":1725.96,"endTime":1729.64,"body":"Uh, it's it's taken until now to be able to"},{"startTime":1730.52,"endTime":1733.24,"body":"Talk about it on microphone and not break down crying"},{"startTime":1734.36,"endTime":1736.6,"body":"Never mind the hell that we were going through at the time. It's"},{"startTime":1737.24,"endTime":1739.24,"body":"wait"},{"startTime":1739.56,"endTime":1743.16,"body":"It feels a it was a bit a rough day. Yeah, yeah at least"},{"startTime":1744.12,"endTime":1745.8,"body":"yeah"},{"startTime":1745.8,"endTime":1747.8,"body":"so"},{"startTime":1747.8,"endTime":1751.8,"body":"I love how the takeaway of that is that there are five stages of grief"},{"startTime":1752.52,"endTime":1755.56,"body":"That everyone has to go through that may or may not apply to you"},{"startTime":1756.28,"endTime":1757.96,"body":"Yep, that's like no"},{"startTime":1757.96,"endTime":1762.2,"body":"Everything you learned in school and it is still tailored to the individual"},{"startTime":1762.76,"endTime":1767.64,"body":"Well, okay, everything else that you learn about in life. Okay for for for a great example"},{"startTime":1768.36,"endTime":1769.72,"body":"with"},{"startTime":1769.72,"endTime":1773.48,"body":"When my grandpa died. He was 96 years old"},{"startTime":1774.92,"endTime":1777.96,"body":"There was no denial that he was going to die"},{"startTime":1778.36,"endTime":1783.56,"body":"He was 96 years old and he was getting fed up with waiting for how long he was going to take"},{"startTime":1784.36,"endTime":1789.4,"body":"There was no anger. He wasn't losing anything. He had lived his life. He"},{"startTime":1790.2,"endTime":1795.56,"body":"Spent 70 years with the love of his life. He got to hold his great great grandchildren"},{"startTime":1795.64,"endTime":1797.64,"body":"He died in the house. He built"},{"startTime":1798.2,"endTime":1804.68,"body":"Like there was nothing to be anger angry about there was nothing to bargain with and it was barely depressing"},{"startTime":1805.72,"endTime":1811.32,"body":"Because he was awesome and he lived a full life and yes, it was sad that he died"},{"startTime":1812.12,"endTime":1814.6,"body":"But it was awesome the life that he had"},{"startTime":1815.56,"endTime":1817.56,"body":"with my mom there's"},{"startTime":1818.68,"endTime":1820.68,"body":"There's some trauma from the end"},{"startTime":1821.56,"endTime":1823.56,"body":"Her dying process was traumatic"},{"startTime":1824.44,"endTime":1828.44,"body":"So as your grandpa's my grandpa's wasn't was different"},{"startTime":1828.76,"endTime":1833.96,"body":"Okay, the generational difference was a huge factor in how that was different. They were just long"},{"startTime":1834.68,"endTime":1841.4,"body":"Slow and they were long and slower than you prefer and I really hope I haven't inherited that"},{"startTime":1842.68,"endTime":1844.68,"body":"resistance to death"},{"startTime":1844.68,"endTime":1845.72,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":1845.72,"endTime":1847.32,"body":"Yeah, well"},{"startTime":1847.32,"endTime":1849.4,"body":"My grandpa was on hospice for two years"},{"startTime":1849.48,"endTime":1853.88,"body":"It's only supposed to be six months, but he was less than six months away from dying for two years"},{"startTime":1854.76,"endTime":1861.32,"body":"My grandma had a massive stroke that she never really woke up from and it still took her five months to die"},{"startTime":1863.24,"endTime":1870.92,"body":"The fact that my mom beat all of the odds for everything stacked against her by at least 10 to 20"},{"startTime":1872.92,"endTime":1874.92,"body":"That's crazy. Yeah"},{"startTime":1875.24,"endTime":1878.6,"body":"And but it's the same with your grandpa if you think about yeah, it was her time"},{"startTime":1879.08,"endTime":1884.92,"body":"She got to meet your child not just meet your child, but get a relationship with your child"},{"startTime":1885.32,"endTime":1887.32,"body":"Her and Kylie were close. Yes"},{"startTime":1887.56,"endTime":1889.16,"body":"um"},{"startTime":1889.16,"endTime":1892.2,"body":"What what more would she have ever wanted at the end?"},{"startTime":1893.0,"endTime":1895.0,"body":"You gave that to her and that's"},{"startTime":1895.8,"endTime":1899.96,"body":"That helped. I think that will help close that. Yeah, even more. That's"},{"startTime":1900.68,"endTime":1904.04,"body":"Solid the good solid landing to focus on which is why"},{"startTime":1904.84,"endTime":1905.96,"body":"um"},{"startTime":1905.96,"endTime":1907.96,"body":"This whole funeral"},{"startTime":1908.36,"endTime":1914.76,"body":"Funeral versus a celebration of life things shouldn't even be a debate. I don't know why some cultures obsess about mourning"},{"startTime":1915.56,"endTime":1918.52,"body":"Um, I like the celebration of life idea much much more"},{"startTime":1920.04,"endTime":1922.76,"body":"There there there is there is absolutely value in"},{"startTime":1923.56,"endTime":1924.84,"body":"the"},{"startTime":1924.84,"endTime":1926.84,"body":"Shared grief and support"},{"startTime":1927.0,"endTime":1932.84,"body":"Yes, there is but i'm thinking like victorian style like morn for four years kind of stuff. That's like that's"},{"startTime":1933.32,"endTime":1935.48,"body":"Azar like no wonder you guys were so depressed"},{"startTime":1936.76,"endTime":1937.4,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":1937.4,"endTime":1939.08,"body":"all right, let's"},{"startTime":1939.08,"endTime":1941.08,"body":"let's move on to"},{"startTime":1941.4,"endTime":1943.4,"body":"Adventist eschatology"},{"startTime":1943.88,"endTime":1947.0,"body":"Lauren had a little bit of foreshadowing a few minutes back"},{"startTime":1948.04,"endTime":1949.32,"body":"with"},{"startTime":1949.32,"endTime":1951.64,"body":"Some statement about I didn't understand her"},{"startTime":1952.2,"endTime":1956.36,"body":"And just of what she thought of the afterlife because most most of us don't"},{"startTime":1963.48,"endTime":1965.48,"body":"I"},{"startTime":1965.48,"endTime":1967.48,"body":"All right, so"},{"startTime":1967.48,"endTime":1973.24,"body":"My mom was a devout seventh Adventist fifth generation or semi fourth generation that was fifth generation"},{"startTime":1974.04,"endTime":1975.08,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":1975.08,"endTime":1977.08,"body":"fourth generation seventh Adventist"},{"startTime":1977.08,"endTime":1980.2,"body":"Uh on her dad's side third generation on her mom's side"},{"startTime":1981.16,"endTime":1983.8,"body":"Uh, she was actually out of the church"},{"startTime":1984.68,"endTime":1986.68,"body":"for about two years in"},{"startTime":1987.32,"endTime":1991.08,"body":"About about the age of 40 and 41 and then got back as soon as she could"},{"startTime":1991.8,"endTime":1992.84,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":1992.84,"endTime":1997.08,"body":"I didn't know that. Yeah, I had local politics kind of thing not local"},{"startTime":1997.8,"endTime":1999.8,"body":"uh family family politics"},{"startTime":1999.88,"endTime":2003.72,"body":"Uh, it was uh, that was a thing to avoid divorce that didn't"},{"startTime":2004.28,"endTime":2006.28,"body":"Oh, okay. Yeah"},{"startTime":2006.76,"endTime":2012.2,"body":"Didn't didn't work out and so once that was all resolved. She finally went back. Okay"},{"startTime":2012.52,"endTime":2017.8,"body":"Uh, I was a little surprised that it took you know two years to go back, but yeah, it took yeah"},{"startTime":2017.88,"endTime":2020.2,"body":"It took what it took but she was she was"},{"startTime":2020.2,"endTime":2022.2,"body":"devout Adventist uh and"},{"startTime":2022.92,"endTime":2025.4,"body":"Adventists have a very different belief than"},{"startTime":2026.28,"endTime":2028.28,"body":"the vast majority of religious people"},{"startTime":2028.84,"endTime":2030.84,"body":"About what happens when you die?"},{"startTime":2031.16,"endTime":2033.08,"body":"the standard"},{"startTime":2033.08,"endTime":2034.84,"body":"Christian concept"},{"startTime":2034.84,"endTime":2037.56,"body":"non-adventist standard Christian concept"},{"startTime":2038.6,"endTime":2045.32,"body":"Is that there is a immaterial soul that cannot die and a physical body that is mortal"},{"startTime":2046.04,"endTime":2048.04,"body":"And that immortal soul"},{"startTime":2048.6,"endTime":2054.28,"body":"Has to go somewhere when you die. Yeah, and so it either goes to heaven or hell"},{"startTime":2054.84,"endTime":2057.32,"body":"Or in the case of catholics purgatory. Okay. Yep"},{"startTime":2058.6,"endTime":2063.24,"body":"Or in some yeah some traditions it might get trapped on earth to haunt people"},{"startTime":2065.24,"endTime":2067.24,"body":"Adventists"},{"startTime":2067.24,"endTime":2069.24,"body":"recognize that as"},{"startTime":2069.96,"endTime":2072.52,"body":"the the concept of the immaterial soul as"},{"startTime":2073.48,"endTime":2077.08,"body":"not being something that's very well supported in the bible and it"},{"startTime":2077.8,"endTime":2085.4,"body":"Isn't like there's one verse you can kind of read that way, but you can also easily read it not that way. Yeah"},{"startTime":2086.44,"endTime":2091.0,"body":"Okay, and the immaterial soul concept really fits better with"},{"startTime":2092.04,"endTime":2093.4,"body":"the"},{"startTime":2093.4,"endTime":2095.4,"body":"with neoplatonic philosophy"},{"startTime":2096.6,"endTime":2102.2,"body":"That was common in the Hellenistic world of the first century roman empire"},{"startTime":2103.32,"endTime":2104.12,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":2104.12,"endTime":2105.48,"body":"greek people"},{"startTime":2105.48,"endTime":2115.08,"body":"The greek peoples that became christians already believed in an immaterial soul. Yeah, the the eternal divine soul"},{"startTime":2115.8,"endTime":2121.16,"body":"And they kept that concept when they became christians and christianity"},{"startTime":2121.72,"endTime":2123.08,"body":"kept it"},{"startTime":2123.08,"endTime":2128.92,"body":"Since I never grew up with that that was that's a concept that has never made sense to me"},{"startTime":2129.16,"endTime":2135.4,"body":"I think that's largely one of those things you have to believe in like you have to be raised believing it or else"},{"startTime":2135.8,"endTime":2137.4,"body":"It's absurd"},{"startTime":2137.4,"endTime":2143.48,"body":"Yeah, that there's this other this this immaterial other and see that there's no proof of it"},{"startTime":2144.04,"endTime":2146.84,"body":"It's not even mentioned in the bible. I love that"},{"startTime":2148.04,"endTime":2150.04,"body":"not very scholarly"},{"startTime":2150.04,"endTime":2152.04,"body":"now there are plenty of verses that"},{"startTime":2152.6,"endTime":2154.6,"body":"Read fine either way. Yeah"},{"startTime":2155.08,"endTime":2157.56,"body":"That don't actually refer to the souls. Yeah"},{"startTime":2158.36,"endTime":2161.08,"body":"Um the the the verse about the resurrection where"},{"startTime":2161.96,"endTime":2164.68,"body":"You know the dead in christ or raised first"},{"startTime":2165.64,"endTime":2168.2,"body":"It doesn't talk about their their"},{"startTime":2169.0,"endTime":2170.36,"body":"souls being"},{"startTime":2170.36,"endTime":2175.4,"body":"Sent from heaven down to their bodies to be raised up just that their bodies are raised out of the ground"},{"startTime":2176.04,"endTime":2178.68,"body":"Uh disturbing when you say that part out loud"},{"startTime":2179.4,"endTime":2186.44,"body":"Yes, but so is that entire chapter the whole book the whole book. Yeah, uh, I don't recommend reading it"},{"startTime":2187.08,"endTime":2191.4,"body":"Uh, it's it's it's garbage. It's it's very old garbage"},{"startTime":2192.12,"endTime":2193.56,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":2193.56,"endTime":2195.56,"body":"but but yeah, so the"},{"startTime":2195.8,"endTime":2197.88,"body":"that concept though is that"},{"startTime":2199.64,"endTime":2201.64,"body":"Yeah without an immaterial soul"},{"startTime":2201.88,"endTime":2203.88,"body":"When you die you are dead"},{"startTime":2204.52,"endTime":2207.4,"body":"In the ground when the second coming happens"},{"startTime":2207.88,"endTime":2212.92,"body":"Which this is where you start getting into sanctuary doctrine which despite"},{"startTime":2213.24,"endTime":2217.16,"body":"Graduating college cum laude with the theology major and"},{"startTime":2218.04,"endTime":2220.52,"body":"minor is in biblical languages and history"},{"startTime":2221.64,"endTime":2225.64,"body":"and coming in third place in the greek proficiency exam wait a humble brag"},{"startTime":2226.44,"endTime":2227.72,"body":"I"},{"startTime":2227.72,"endTime":2231.24,"body":"barely pulled off a withdraw passing"},{"startTime":2232.36,"endTime":2233.16,"body":"on"},{"startTime":2233.16,"endTime":2235.16,"body":"the doctrine of the sanctuary class"},{"startTime":2235.64,"endTime":2239.8,"body":"I could not wrap my head around it. Well"},{"startTime":2240.68,"endTime":2243.4,"body":"I have no idea what you what it is. It is"},{"startTime":2244.6,"endTime":2251.4,"body":"So frickin bizarre. I explain it, but just maybe the key point for this part of the discussion"},{"startTime":2252.44,"endTime":2255.56,"body":"Yes, there is a crazy framework that makes no sense"},{"startTime":2256.2,"endTime":2257.56,"body":"Underlying all of it"},{"startTime":2257.56,"endTime":2259.56,"body":"but the part at the surface that"},{"startTime":2260.04,"endTime":2265.56,"body":"That we need for this to make sense is that on october 22 1844"},{"startTime":2265.88,"endTime":2269.96,"body":"When jesus didn't come to earth and the great disappointment happened"},{"startTime":2270.6,"endTime":2272.28,"body":"to the millerites"},{"startTime":2272.28,"endTime":2275.56,"body":"Jesus the day was right. The event was wrong"},{"startTime":2276.52,"endTime":2278.52,"body":"It was not jesus coming to earth"},{"startTime":2279.08,"endTime":2282.76,"body":"To cleanse the sanctuary. He was going to the heavenly sanctuary. Oh"},{"startTime":2283.72,"endTime":2291.32,"body":"Okay, that explains it in that the heavenly temple he was going into the holy of holies"},{"startTime":2291.88,"endTime":2294.52,"body":"To do the the actual work of atonement"},{"startTime":2295.24,"endTime":2301.16,"body":"And has been there doing the investigative judgment and the investigative judgment is where"},{"startTime":2302.04,"endTime":2305.0,"body":"the books of everybody's life since"},{"startTime":2306.04,"endTime":2309.48,"body":"either creation or jesus's resurrection"},{"startTime":2310.28,"endTime":2314.36,"body":"Are reviewed to see if based on what they knew"},{"startTime":2315.56,"endTime":2319.48,"body":"They should be saved. I like that there is a caveat for um"},{"startTime":2320.2,"endTime":2322.2,"body":"uh ignorance, yes"},{"startTime":2322.36,"endTime":2324.36,"body":"uh, which"},{"startTime":2325.48,"endTime":2327.48,"body":"did come up pretty early in in"},{"startTime":2328.28,"endTime":2331.08,"body":"Adventist circles with uh, if"},{"startTime":2332.68,"endTime":2335.4,"body":"Jesus couldn't return until everybody on earth"},{"startTime":2336.28,"endTime":2339.96,"body":"knew about his name. Yeah, hence the evangelical"},{"startTime":2340.92,"endTime":2342.92,"body":"spreading of there was a"},{"startTime":2343.8,"endTime":2347.56,"body":"So there was some efforts to send pamphlets out to islands"},{"startTime":2347.8,"endTime":2354.44,"body":"Which worked exactly one time when some pamphlets arrived at pit karen island and everybody on the island converted to adventism"},{"startTime":2355.0,"endTime":2358.84,"body":"Oh, there you go. And then they wrote back and asked for a pastor"},{"startTime":2359.48,"endTime":2361.48,"body":"And so they sent a pastor from california"},{"startTime":2362.2,"endTime":2363.48,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":2363.48,"endTime":2366.52,"body":"To this day pit karen island is at least nominally"},{"startTime":2367.32,"endTime":2369.32,"body":"100% Adventist"},{"startTime":2369.48,"endTime":2370.6,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":2370.6,"endTime":2373.24,"body":"There's the added factor on that though that"},{"startTime":2373.96,"endTime":2375.96,"body":"if you half-ass"},{"startTime":2376.92,"endTime":2378.92,"body":"That evangelism"},{"startTime":2379.16,"endTime":2380.52,"body":"It"},{"startTime":2380.52,"endTime":2382.92,"body":"Dams people to hell. Oh shit"},{"startTime":2384.68,"endTime":2385.88,"body":"Whoops"},{"startTime":2385.88,"endTime":2391.96,"body":"Because they know but if you did a bad job of telling them about Jesus and they aren't converted"},{"startTime":2392.6,"endTime":2394.04,"body":"Well, then they're damned"},{"startTime":2394.04,"endTime":2402.92,"body":"Okay, okay. So, uh, maybe the pamphlets weren't such a great idea. No, no, but then there's also the the version the the concept that"},{"startTime":2403.56,"endTime":2409.48,"body":"Well, if you got a bad presentation, then you're not held accountable by that"},{"startTime":2410.36,"endTime":2412.36,"body":"And you're still held to the example"},{"startTime":2413.24,"endTime":2417.24,"body":"To the standard you would have otherwise like just were you a good person"},{"startTime":2418.28,"endTime":2419.88,"body":"an Adventist"},{"startTime":2419.88,"endTime":2426.36,"body":"Do you believe that that if you're a good person that saves you if you're a good person who has not rejected christ"},{"startTime":2427.32,"endTime":2432.6,"body":"You're saved. Okay. If you're a good person who has rejected christ, then you are not"},{"startTime":2433.24,"endTime":2435.72,"body":"Whoo, which is where the whole if fun club"},{"startTime":2436.44,"endTime":2440.04,"body":"if you're ignorant your chances of being saved are higher than if you're"},{"startTime":2440.92,"endTime":2442.92,"body":"Straight up like yeah"},{"startTime":2443.4,"endTime":2444.44,"body":"Uh"},{"startTime":2444.44,"endTime":2449.48,"body":"So all that's at play and then Jesus is there in the temple in heaven"},{"startTime":2450.12,"endTime":2453.08,"body":"going over all the books determining who's saved and who's not"},{"startTime":2454.12,"endTime":2455.64,"body":"and"},{"startTime":2455.64,"endTime":2461.24,"body":"Once he finishes that and didn't want to let he didn't want to be an accountant. He just wanted a life and adventure"},{"startTime":2461.8,"endTime":2465.96,"body":"Here he is getting old. Once he gets caught up on that"},{"startTime":2466.76,"endTime":2468.76,"body":"then probation closes"},{"startTime":2469.32,"endTime":2476.36,"body":"Uh, there's persecution of of the true christians while all the bad christians join the catholics in the us government"},{"startTime":2476.44,"endTime":2478.44,"body":"slash new world order"},{"startTime":2478.44,"endTime":2483.08,"body":"To persecute the the the true christians who worship on saturday"},{"startTime":2483.08,"endTime":2484.92,"body":"So we're persecuting"},{"startTime":2484.92,"endTime":2489.4,"body":"The true christians. Yes, who are the Adventists the Adventists plus"},{"startTime":2490.12,"endTime":2495.32,"body":"A bunch of people who go to church on sunday will will join them at that that moment"},{"startTime":2495.32,"endTime":2501.16,"body":"Okay, they'll make the decision the right decision. Yes. Okay, the ones that who are saved among them will"},{"startTime":2501.24,"endTime":2503.88,"body":"Well, the rest just join the mass persecution"},{"startTime":2504.68,"endTime":2506.68,"body":"and become dark shadowy"},{"startTime":2506.84,"endTime":2513.88,"body":"Government agents. Yeah, and then then run by the pope the the time of trouble is a seven-year period halfway through"},{"startTime":2514.6,"endTime":2517.4,"body":"uh, god's grace gets removed from the earth"},{"startTime":2518.36,"endTime":2519.24,"body":"and"},{"startTime":2519.24,"endTime":2522.36,"body":"those who are still alive and are saved are"},{"startTime":2523.0,"endTime":2528.04,"body":"Uh, get full temptation of satan without any protection from god and will be"},{"startTime":2528.68,"endTime":2532.52,"body":"Going through the most horrible torture and torment. Okay"},{"startTime":2533.48,"endTime":2541.64,"body":"That's really odd words. Yes, really odd choice of words. So okay, so we have the persecution of the true christians"},{"startTime":2542.28,"endTime":2547.08,"body":"So they're being tortured. Yep, and then he has even worse and then we get the people who aren't saved"},{"startTime":2547.64,"endTime":2551.64,"body":"Who are being 10 10? No, the people who aren't saved are fine"},{"startTime":2551.8,"endTime":2555.24,"body":"They're they're just living life. Okay, so they live in life through this time period"},{"startTime":2555.4,"endTime":2559.64,"body":"So normal everyday life. Well, meanwhile the people who were saved"},{"startTime":2560.36,"endTime":2561.8,"body":"are"},{"startTime":2561.8,"endTime":2565.8,"body":"On their way to heaven still have to go through torture. Yes, it means temptation"},{"startTime":2566.28,"endTime":2568.28,"body":"I love that temptation and"},{"startTime":2569.32,"endTime":2575.08,"body":"It all past sends getting you know brought up to them by satan and like yeah, it's"},{"startTime":2576.04,"endTime":2580.2,"body":"Okay, so they get tortured until finally finally finally at the end of that"},{"startTime":2580.84,"endTime":2582.2,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":2582.2,"endTime":2584.2,"body":"Jesus returns to earth and"},{"startTime":2585.32,"endTime":2589.88,"body":"All wickedness dies instantaneously upon looking at him. Okay"},{"startTime":2590.68,"endTime":2592.68,"body":"So all bad people drop dead"},{"startTime":2593.32,"endTime":2601.48,"body":"What about sunglasses? Does that no no no because when it went when Jesus returns, uh, you'll everyone will be able to see him"},{"startTime":2602.52,"endTime":2608.76,"body":"Which I don't know how that works starting to sound like crazy person talk. Yes, everybody on the earth"},{"startTime":2609.08,"endTime":2614.68,"body":"Uh, at the same time at the same time. It's going to look upon him. Yep, like the god from monty python"},{"startTime":2615.24,"endTime":2618.52,"body":"Northern and southern hemisphere eastern and western hemisphere"},{"startTime":2619.4,"endTime":2621.4,"body":"All of a sudden he can do whatever the hell he wants"},{"startTime":2622.28,"endTime":2623.24,"body":"Um"},{"startTime":2623.24,"endTime":2629.24,"body":"Okay, so then all the wicked people who've just been living their life. Yep. They all died quite happily. They die instantly. They're dead. Okay"},{"startTime":2629.96,"endTime":2631.48,"body":"then"},{"startTime":2631.48,"endTime":2632.28,"body":"the"},{"startTime":2632.28,"endTime":2635.4,"body":"Sounds like the better of the two options at this point the the righteous dead"},{"startTime":2635.56,"endTime":2641.16,"body":"Uh, so people who are saved that had died previously. Okay, they are resurrected"},{"startTime":2641.32,"endTime":2647.72,"body":"Their bodies are reassembled as they were at the moment they died. Okay, so cremation is taken care of yes, okay"},{"startTime":2648.68,"endTime":2652.52,"body":"Wondering about that and decomposition is also taken care of. Thank you. Oh jeez"},{"startTime":2653.24,"endTime":2658.52,"body":"Nice, uh, nice detail. Yeah, so so as you were at the moment you died"},{"startTime":2658.68,"endTime":2661.88,"body":"Which is her sucks. That's horrific. Yeah, right?"},{"startTime":2662.12,"endTime":2663.88,"body":"The moment of death is"},{"startTime":2663.88,"endTime":2666.44,"body":"Horrible for a lot of people. Yeah"},{"startTime":2667.96,"endTime":2672.52,"body":"Like that's gross. That's just could have gone back six months or something, but no the moment of death"},{"startTime":2672.6,"endTime":2678.84,"body":"Moment of death, uh, or perhaps maybe a moment before death so that you know the car accidents"},{"startTime":2678.84,"endTime":2681.8,"body":"The how you were before the accident. Yeah, or"},{"startTime":2682.68,"endTime":2688.76,"body":"You know without the gunshot wound 18 months. Like nope. They're how they were. They're how they were. Okay. Yeah"},{"startTime":2689.4,"endTime":2690.44,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":2690.52,"endTime":2695.88,"body":"So they get raised up and start ascending to join jesus in the angels and then okay"},{"startTime":2695.88,"endTime":2700.28,"body":"They get their just rewards. They're there and all the the in heaven not yet"},{"startTime":2700.76,"endTime":2705.0,"body":"All the the righteous people who are still alive then start floating up"},{"startTime":2705.88,"endTime":2708.04,"body":"Into the sky and join jesus in the angels"},{"startTime":2708.6,"endTime":2712.92,"body":"Okay, and then they travel for seven days through a riot stuck on an airplane"},{"startTime":2713.24,"endTime":2718.76,"body":"They get taken out of the airplane. Okay before it crashes because the pilot is probably dead"},{"startTime":2719.72,"endTime":2723.88,"body":"Okay, because everybody else has instantly died. Yes. We're got that detail. Okay"},{"startTime":2724.84,"endTime":2729.64,"body":"and so then they they they fly through through space for seven days"},{"startTime":2730.6,"endTime":2731.56,"body":"and"},{"startTime":2731.56,"endTime":2735.8,"body":"Enter heaven through its gate at the center of a ryan's belt"},{"startTime":2736.68,"endTime":2741.24,"body":"We're getting weird here again. Okay again. This sounds like the the the ramblings of a mad person"},{"startTime":2742.28,"endTime":2747.96,"body":"She said it's Ellen white was mad mentally. She was severely ill and sure"},{"startTime":2748.36,"endTime":2752.2,"body":"I've seen this amend in black. It looks pretty cool. Yeah, so so they go through a ryan's belt"},{"startTime":2753.0,"endTime":2754.44,"body":"uh"},{"startTime":2754.44,"endTime":2759.56,"body":"Interheaven where they stay for a thousand years now, that's different. That's not the usual eternity"},{"startTime":2760.52,"endTime":2763.64,"body":"Oh wait, there's more. Oh after the thousand years. Okay"},{"startTime":2764.92,"endTime":2768.28,"body":"the the thousand years is largely"},{"startTime":2769.56,"endTime":2771.8,"body":"so that the people who are saved"},{"startTime":2772.84,"endTime":2775.0,"body":"who are all upset about"},{"startTime":2775.96,"endTime":2777.48,"body":"in some cases"},{"startTime":2777.48,"endTime":2779.48,"body":"People are there that shouldn't be"},{"startTime":2779.88,"endTime":2782.68,"body":"And people that should be there aren't yeah, okay"},{"startTime":2783.4,"endTime":2784.68,"body":"they get to"},{"startTime":2784.68,"endTime":2786.04,"body":"they get to"},{"startTime":2786.04,"endTime":2788.04,"body":"judge the judge"},{"startTime":2788.04,"endTime":2789.4,"body":"on that and"},{"startTime":2789.4,"endTime":2792.12,"body":"Ask the judge all the questions and find out"},{"startTime":2792.76,"endTime":2794.76,"body":"Why those decisions were made?"},{"startTime":2795.48,"endTime":2799.72,"body":"And by the end of that the judge will be exonerated and everybody will be happy"},{"startTime":2800.44,"endTime":2804.36,"body":"Who's the judge satisfied? God. Oh, okay. That's odd. It's the same"},{"startTime":2805.0,"endTime":2810.12,"body":"God's gonna change his mind the saved get to judge God in this. Yeah, it's not gonna change anything. No"},{"startTime":2810.92,"endTime":2817.32,"body":"Whatever because in the it's the airing of grievances the prophecy is already that in the end the rest of us"},{"startTime":2818.52,"endTime":2821.72,"body":"God proves that he was just and he is"},{"startTime":2822.36,"endTime":2823.32,"body":"found"},{"startTime":2823.32,"endTime":2828.6,"body":"to be just and then male comes to comes to be useful. Okay, and then"},{"startTime":2829.8,"endTime":2830.76,"body":"the"},{"startTime":2830.76,"endTime":2832.76,"body":"heavenly city of Jerusalem"},{"startTime":2833.64,"endTime":2839.0,"body":"travels physically through space coming back out through a ryan's belt and a cross space"},{"startTime":2840.12,"endTime":2842.84,"body":"And starts to descend down through earth's atmosphere"},{"startTime":2843.72,"endTime":2848.36,"body":"And at some point it stops in the atmosphere nice"},{"startTime":2849.56,"endTime":2850.76,"body":"while"},{"startTime":2850.76,"endTime":2856.6,"body":"Satan and his angels have been on earth this whole time barren wasteland for thousand years"},{"startTime":2857.64,"endTime":2859.64,"body":"roaming with all the"},{"startTime":2859.64,"endTime":2867.72,"body":"Bad people, right? No, the bad people are dead dead dead. Okay. So at this moment all of the dead bad people"},{"startTime":2868.6,"endTime":2869.64,"body":"Rise"},{"startTime":2869.64,"endTime":2871.64,"body":"Oh, they get theirs"},{"startTime":2871.88,"endTime":2873.72,"body":"And join Satan's army"},{"startTime":2873.72,"endTime":2877.4,"body":"Nice and then as the city touches down on earth"},{"startTime":2878.44,"endTime":2881.48,"body":"The Satan's army tries to attack the city"},{"startTime":2881.56,"endTime":2885.88,"body":"But then a jumbo trom goes trom that goes up and shows everybody"},{"startTime":2886.12,"endTime":2892.68,"body":"Why they were lost and then everybody's sad and feels bad and God out of mercy burns them up"},{"startTime":2893.48,"endTime":2897.88,"body":"But the amount of time it takes to burn up the wicked depends on how wicked they were"},{"startTime":2898.36,"endTime":2902.04,"body":"And specifically napoleon will take longer"},{"startTime":2903.08,"endTime":2911.56,"body":"To burn up that's hilarious then typical people that is that is written by ellen white that napoleon will take longer"},{"startTime":2912.44,"endTime":2914.44,"body":"Satan will take the longest okay"},{"startTime":2915.08,"endTime":2921.64,"body":"At least it ends at least you burn up for most it's instantaneous if you are particularly bad"},{"startTime":2922.6,"endTime":2927.64,"body":"Presumably seconds or minutes Satan minutes or hours"},{"startTime":2928.44,"endTime":2931.56,"body":"Got it got it, but then you're gone and then you're gone. Hey"},{"startTime":2932.84,"endTime":2936.44,"body":"So you're walking around your daily life drop dead nothing"},{"startTime":2937.24,"endTime":2943.72,"body":"You raise up. Oh, I'm part of Satan's army now. Hey, let's go attack that city. Uh burned up. I'm dead. Yep. I like that"},{"startTime":2944.6,"endTime":2948.92,"body":"It's not like being a sinner ain't so bad. The the hell version on that is"},{"startTime":2949.72,"endTime":2952.92,"body":"The the wages of sin is ha ha told you so"},{"startTime":2953.72,"endTime":2960.52,"body":"Yeah, that's all it is. Isn't it? And that's not even on the sinners. That's on the good righteous people. It gives them"},{"startTime":2960.84,"endTime":2965.16,"body":"They get to say ha ha told you so I told you so and that's that's all that this is about, huh?"},{"startTime":2965.4,"endTime":2968.6,"body":"Sounds rather egotistical and narcissistic and self-centered, but"},{"startTime":2969.48,"endTime":2970.84,"body":"so we're most"},{"startTime":2970.84,"endTime":2972.52,"body":"religious people"},{"startTime":2972.6,"endTime":2974.12,"body":"not all but"},{"startTime":2974.12,"endTime":2979.56,"body":"obviously not all there's so a lot of good people, but did that is convoluted and not"},{"startTime":2980.44,"endTime":2981.16,"body":"in"},{"startTime":2981.16,"endTime":2988.52,"body":"Anyway related anything anybody else at least here in the us would remark as an afterlife. Yeah or future"},{"startTime":2989.48,"endTime":2990.92,"body":"um"},{"startTime":2990.92,"endTime":2994.6,"body":"Are in line with people who think that the end of the world is coming? Yes"},{"startTime":2995.64,"endTime":3001.8,"body":"And are actively trying to have that happen whether it's by spreading the word or whatnot the"},{"startTime":3002.68,"endTime":3006.68,"body":"For what happens after the thousand years the Adventist version"},{"startTime":3007.88,"endTime":3012.84,"body":"For the saved is pretty similar to the Mormon like middle kingdom"},{"startTime":3013.4,"endTime":3021.0,"body":"Okay, except the Mormon one is with lots of sex and babies and the Adventist one is no sex or gender"},{"startTime":3021.72,"endTime":3022.92,"body":"Okay"},{"startTime":3022.92,"endTime":3029.48,"body":"Adrogynous everybody in heaven is genderless. Oh, so when you come back and you come back as your body as the moment you die"},{"startTime":3029.48,"endTime":3031.64,"body":"You stay like you don't stay like that forever"},{"startTime":3031.64,"endTime":3033.96,"body":"No as you eat from the tree of life"},{"startTime":3034.6,"endTime":3039.88,"body":"Your body has changed into perfection, which apparently is genderless. Yes like that. Okay"},{"startTime":3040.28,"endTime":3044.2,"body":"I would also assume completely devoid of any unique features"},{"startTime":3045.48,"endTime":3047.48,"body":"Basically turning into a stick figure"},{"startTime":3049.08,"endTime":3051.08,"body":"Barbie and kendall"},{"startTime":3051.8,"endTime":3056.76,"body":"Nope, that's no that's way too. That's everybody turns into a Barbie or everybody turns into a kendall"},{"startTime":3057.24,"endTime":3064.12,"body":"Yeah, yep non-binary is the future according to Adventist or just on that a little bit sooner than others. Yeah"},{"startTime":3064.84,"endTime":3067.4,"body":"Appreciate that. All right. So so that's"},{"startTime":3068.76,"endTime":3072.68,"body":"That is what I grew up believing. Hey, that is what my my mom believed"},{"startTime":3074.36,"endTime":3076.84,"body":"So you mentioned her being at rest"},{"startTime":3077.56,"endTime":3082.44,"body":"Yes, and that that is a term that you have brought up many times through this whole"},{"startTime":3083.24,"endTime":3085.4,"body":"Endeavor. Yes"},{"startTime":3085.4,"endTime":3090.2,"body":"That was another one that I hadn't quite I mean, yes rest in peace that kind of thing but not quite"},{"startTime":3091.08,"endTime":3093.08,"body":"as much as"},{"startTime":3093.08,"endTime":3096.2,"body":"the Adventists seem to use it in the"},{"startTime":3097.08,"endTime":3099.08,"body":"the Adventist view"},{"startTime":3099.08,"endTime":3101.0,"body":"death is"},{"startTime":3101.0,"endTime":3103.56,"body":"a timely death is when you are"},{"startTime":3104.68,"endTime":3107.16,"body":"allowed to rest until the second coming. Okay"},{"startTime":3108.12,"endTime":3110.92,"body":"So, okay. Yeah, so Adventists who are"},{"startTime":3111.88,"endTime":3113.4,"body":"ready to die"},{"startTime":3113.4,"endTime":3115.4,"body":"old age or"},{"startTime":3115.4,"endTime":3117.4,"body":"terminal illness"},{"startTime":3117.8,"endTime":3123.0,"body":"They want to rest that is a very easy thing because when people are dying"},{"startTime":3123.64,"endTime":3126.92,"body":"They are very tired. It makes sense and they're struggling"},{"startTime":3127.72,"endTime":3134.68,"body":"And it's easy to want that person is he that's an easy comforting thought for the survivors to say I want this person to be at rest"},{"startTime":3135.08,"endTime":3136.44,"body":"Yes, that's yeah"},{"startTime":3136.44,"endTime":3141.16,"body":"I like that and that was that was a metaphor that I was comfortable using through the process"},{"startTime":3141.24,"endTime":3144.68,"body":"It was when I was comfortable communicating with my mom about because"},{"startTime":3145.56,"endTime":3147.56,"body":"You were on the same page. I know largely"},{"startTime":3148.36,"endTime":3151.56,"body":"Immediately that means the same exact thing to both of us. Yeah"},{"startTime":3152.28,"endTime":3153.24,"body":"Wow"},{"startTime":3153.24,"endTime":3155.96,"body":"It's rather beautiful actually that's probably one of the"},{"startTime":3157.24,"endTime":3159.56,"body":"nicest things that I've gotten out of this whole"},{"startTime":3160.44,"endTime":3164.36,"body":"18 months was that metaphor of being at rest. I like that"},{"startTime":3165.16,"endTime":3169.56,"body":"But also flying through a rinds belt. I I want to do that. That sounds awesome"},{"startTime":3170.36,"endTime":3173.8,"body":"All right, that was not the best organized"},{"startTime":3175.32,"endTime":3180.04,"body":"We're back. I I am not certain I will get another episode out this month"},{"startTime":3180.76,"endTime":3183.0,"body":"Because I'm camping to do I will try"},{"startTime":3183.72,"endTime":3188.76,"body":"We will my best to get another episode out this month. There will definitely be one next month"},{"startTime":3189.48,"endTime":3191.32,"body":"I need to get back to normal"},{"startTime":3191.4,"endTime":3192.68,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":3192.76,"endTime":3196.52,"body":"Life has been crazy and the podcast is a part of my normal"},{"startTime":3197.24,"endTime":3199.0,"body":"That I have let go"},{"startTime":3199.96,"endTime":3201.96,"body":"And I need that back"},{"startTime":3202.2,"endTime":3204.2,"body":"Yeah, it's eager. I know it's egotistical"},{"startTime":3204.84,"endTime":3206.52,"body":"to feel like"},{"startTime":3206.52,"endTime":3211.32,"body":"To be a whole person. I have to talk into a microphone and have people listen to it, but"},{"startTime":3213.48,"endTime":3217.32,"body":"Yeah, it's it's part of your shared human experience. Yes, it is"},{"startTime":3218.36,"endTime":3220.92,"body":"and and the the the relationship that"},{"startTime":3221.64,"endTime":3223.64,"body":"that we have and we"},{"startTime":3223.72,"endTime":3226.28,"body":"Including all of the listeners and the patrons"},{"startTime":3227.64,"endTime":3230.04,"body":"That is that's a part of my life that"},{"startTime":3230.84,"endTime":3233.88,"body":"I don't want to lose. I've needed to kind of"},{"startTime":3234.68,"endTime":3236.68,"body":"distance myself from it some"},{"startTime":3237.48,"endTime":3239.48,"body":"I I need to get back into it"},{"startTime":3240.36,"endTime":3241.16,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":3241.16,"endTime":3244.76,"body":"And I don't yeah, I don't know the pace of getting back into it"},{"startTime":3245.64,"endTime":3247.64,"body":"I don't want to rush myself"},{"startTime":3247.64,"endTime":3251.24,"body":"I am out of practice and I need to get back into practice"},{"startTime":3252.2,"endTime":3255.0,"body":"And I I thank all of you for your your patience"},{"startTime":3256.12,"endTime":3258.12,"body":"Through this"},{"startTime":3269.48,"endTime":3274.76,"body":"All right, you can find the feedback forum at htotw.com slash contact you can leave us a voice message at"},{"startTime":3275.16,"endTime":3278.76,"body":"208-996-8667"},{"startTime":3279.64,"endTime":3283.08,"body":"Or use the speak pipe button on the website"},{"startTime":3283.72,"endTime":3286.92,"body":"You can support the show on patreon or just wants on"},{"startTime":3287.72,"endTime":3289.88,"body":"PayPal or with a credit debit"},{"startTime":3290.68,"endTime":3292.68,"body":"card apple pay or google pay"},{"startTime":3293.24,"endTime":3295.4,"body":"at htotw.com slash donate"},{"startTime":3296.76,"endTime":3298.76,"body":"And uh, we'll be back in"},{"startTime":3299.4,"endTime":3301.4,"body":"go back soon"},{"startTime":3301.4,"endTime":3304.92,"body":"Remember not all those who wander are lost"}]}