The Digital Contrarian

TDC 049: The Trust Molecule: Why Oxytocin (Not Dopamine) Will Define the AI Era.

• Ryan Levesque • Episode 49

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#049: The Trust Molecule: Why Oxytocin (Not Dopamine) Will Define the Post AI Era

In a world built around dopamine hits, oxytocin might just be the brain molecule that matters most for your business.

Episode Summary

In this episode of The Digital Contrarian, host Ryan Levesque dives into the neuroscience of trust and why oxytocin will become your greatest competitive advantage.

You'll learn about the four key happiness chemicals and why oxytocin stands apart, discover the "Global Oxytocin Deficit" creating both crisis and opportunity, and get three science-backed strategies to strategically elicit oxytocin in your business.

Question of the Day 🗣️

How might you strategically build for oxytocin in your business to create deeper customer connections and trust?

Key Take-aways

  • While dopamine fuels the chase, oxytocin builds the bond that transforms customers into communities
  • Efficiency kills oxytocin – the further we abstract from human contact, the more we starve trust systems
  • Oxytocin can't be hacked or automated, making authentic connection your ultimate competitive moat
  • True personalization goes beyond name insertion – it requires feeling seen, understood, and valued
  • In-person interactions build emotional memory and imprint loyalty in ways no funnel ever could

Timestamped Outline ⏱️

00:00 – The brain molecule that matters most
02:32 – The four happiness chemicals explained
04:04 – The Global Oxytocin Deficit
07:08 – The business case for oxytocin
08:43 – Three strategies to strategically elicit oxytocin
14:14 – The Oxytocin Paradox
16:16 – Why this matters for your business

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Credits

Host: Ryan Levesque
© 2025 RL & Associates LLC. All rights reserved.

In a world built around dopamine, oxytocin might just be the brain molecule that matters most. The trust molecule, why oxytocin, not dopamine, will define the AI era and what this means for you and your business. Now, one of the themes that I've been most excited to explore in my upcoming book, The Return to Real, is something that's fascinated me for decades, dating back to when I studied neuroscience at Brown University, which is, in a world built around dopamine, oxytocin might just be the brain molecule that matters most. 

So today, I want to share with you one of the perhaps more contrarian arguments from the book in progress, which is something I call the oxytocin edge. So over the past decade, dopamine has really stolen the spotlight. It's the neurotransmitter behind our smartphone addictions, endless scrolling, and compulsive craving for novelty. 

Books like Dopamine Nation, which we explored in issue number 35 of the Digital Contrarian, why the struggle is the solution, have made it clear. Dopamine has shaped the modern world, and not always for the better. But as we move deeper into the AI era, I believe that the next great competitive advantage in both life and business won't come from dopamine. 

It'll come from oxytocin. Now, oxytocin, often labeled the love hormone, is more accurately the neurotransmitter of trust, human connection, and social bonding. So while dopamine fuels the chase, essentially, oxytocin builds the bond. 

It's what turns fleeting interactions into lasting relationships, what transforms customers into communities, audiences into advocates, and employees into mission-driven allies. And in a world increasingly run by AI, algorithms, and abstraction, that kind of bond is becoming rare. And as we explored back in issue number 27 of the Digital Contrarian, your strategic content ecosystem, what's increasingly rare will become increasingly valuable. 

And by the way, I'll put a link to each of these issues in the description with this video. And this shift matters, because as digital interactions become cheaper, faster, and more artificial, the businesses that win will be the ones that feel the most real. Because real is where oxytocin lives. 

So the bottom line is this. If dopamine is about getting attention, oxytocin is about earning trust. And the future belongs to those who understand the difference. 

In other words, move over dopamine, there's a new transmitter in town. Now, let me explain what I mean by that, beginning with an overview of the neurochemical landscape. So we are, at our core, essentially chemistry in motion. 

Every decision we make, every craving we chase, every moment of connection or conflict, we can trace it back to the interplay of a few key molecules in the brain. What we call four happiness chemicals, in particular, shape much of our internal experience. So they are as follows. 

Number one, dopamine, which, as we talked about, fuels anticipation, desire, motivation. It's what drives you to open up that app to chase that deal or refresh your email inbox. Next, we have serotonin, which governs your mood, status, and feelings of belonging. 

It's tied to self-respect, confidence, and how we perceive our place in the social hierarchy. Third, we have endorphins, the body's natural painkillers. These are released through laughter, exercise, and even crying. 

And they create feelings of pleasure and relief, especially in response to stress or physical exertion. And then last but not least, number four, we have oxytocin, which is the molecule of trust. It's the molecule of bonding and connection. 

It's released through eye contact, through physical touch, through shared experiences, and emotional intimacy. And what's easy to forget is this. We are essentially physical bodies chasing these neurochemicals. 

Not metaphorically, but literally. We seek the behaviors and environments that flood our systems with the right mix of these feel-good messengers, often without even realizing it. And this is where oxytocin stands apart. 

Because unlike dopamine, which can be triggered by something as shallow as a push notification, oxytocin typically requires presence, physicality, proximity. It's released through a hug, through eye contact, through a warm, meaningful conversation, without a screen between you and that other person. This is probably why, as I record this video right now, my chihuahua, Blue, my personal five-pound handheld oxytocin delivery device, is curled up in her bed right here next to me. 

One little deep sniff snuggle with her in between paragraphs, well, that's an oxytocin hit. You see, we use pets the way our nervous system intended, as oxytocin delivery mechanisms. Not because they're productive, not because they help us get more done, but because they are effective at satisfying our neurochemical cravings.

And in this respect, pets, in many ways, are essentially a proxy for people. Now, this is more than sentimental biology, it's a neurological need. And the further our AI first world drifts into digital abstraction, the more acute that need becomes. 

So what happens when a society is low on oxytocin? And this is the global oxytocin deficit at play. Trust in institutions is at historic lows right now. In fact, according to the 2025 Edelman Trust Barometer, trust in government, media, NGOs, and employers has dropped nearly across every demographic. 

Interpersonal trust isn't faring much better. Loneliness has reached epidemic levels. In fact, the former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy, named loneliness as a public health crisis back in 2023. 

And the data since then has only reinforced this warning. The fact is this, we've spent the last decade optimizing for dopamine, clicks, likes, swipes, and streams, but those metrics can't measure trust. And unlike dopamine, oxytocin can't be mass produced.

It doesn't surge in response to a headline or a sale. It's not elicited by content volume. It's triggered by presence, intimacy, safety, shared space, which is precisely what we've lost.

The digital migration of nearly every form of communication, text over talk, Zoom over rooms, AI over HI, has stripped interaction down to its most efficient but least embodied form. And efficiency kills oxytocin. In-person meetings, physical touch, unstructured time together, these are the substrates that oxytocin needs to thrive. 

But we've designed those moments out of our lives. And AI is only accelerating this trend. To be clear, this isn't about going anti-digital. 

Virtual interactions can foster real bonds. In some contexts, they've kept people alive and connected. But the neurochemical truth is this. 

The further we abstract ourselves from real human contact, the more we starve the systems that regulate trust and connection. So when we say the world is disconnected, what we often are really saying is we're running low on oxytocin. And in that light, the strategic imperative becomes much, much clearer. 

If you're a brand, a business, a culture, or a community, you should be building for oxytocin. So let's talk about the business case for oxytocin. Now, in a world where speed and scale have become default virtues, trust is now the scarcest and thus most valuable commodity. 

And trust is oxytocin's domain. While dopamine might spike clicks and drive conversions and fuel engagement loops, oxytocin is what builds brand loyalty, deepens customer relationships, and keeps people coming back, not because they have to, but because they want to. This isn't just a feel-good idea, it's grounded in biology. 

Dr. Paul Zak, who is one of the leading researchers on the neuroscience of trust, has shown that higher levels of oxytocin in the brain correlate with increased generosity, empathy, and cooperative behavior. In one study, participants who received an oxytocin boost were 80% more likely to share money with a stranger than those who didn't. Patagonia asked customers not to buy its products in its famous full-page ad back in 2011 in the New York Times. 

Zappos trained support reps to stay on the phone as long as it takes, even if it takes 10 hours or more, to resolve a customer's request. And Chik-fil-A's local operator model makes each location feel like a community fixture, not just a fast food chain, with its now-famous tagline, My Pleasure. So, in their own way, each of these companies has chosen human-first systems that generate loyalty, not just through dopamine jolts, but through sustained, oxytocin-rich connection and customer loyalty. 

So, how do we do that? And by we, by the way, I mean small business owners like you and me. Well, it begins by understanding that the customer journey is not just a funnel, it's a trust arc. Every moment, whether automated or live, digital or analog, is an opportunity to either erode or elevate oxytocin. 

And here's the caution, beware of the reductionist trap. It's tempting to think of neurochemicals as simple levers that we can pull. A little dopamine here, sprinkle some oxytocin there, and voila, customer for life. 

But look, humans aren't robots, and trust cannot be manufactured on command. One of the most profound illustrations of this truth comes from the now-famous Harlow monkey experiments that you might have heard of from the 1950s. This is the study where infant monkeys were given a choice to either spend time with a cold metal, quote unquote, mother that provided them with milk, or a soft cloth mother that provided no food whatsoever, but added comfort. 

And overwhelmingly, the monkeys chose comfort over utility. In other words, they chose oxytocin. And therein lies the opportunity. 

Because what if many of our modern maladies, from loneliness to burnout to distrust to polarization, aren't just social or political problems? What if they're biochemical symptoms of a society running low on oxytocin? Well, what that might mean for us as entrepreneurs in this return to real movement taking shape in the world right now is that we have an opportunity potentially to fill this void. So the question is this, how do you strategically elicit oxytocin? Well, if oxytocin is the molecule of trust and trust is the new currency, then the natural next question becomes, how do we earn it? Or more precisely, how do we create the conditions where oxytocin can actually be released in our customers, our readers, our teams, and ourselves? Well, here are at least three strategies that are rooted in biology, backed by research, and immediately applicable, especially for those of us building small intentional businesses that we can begin considering more deeply. Beginning with number one, lead with personalization, but the right kind. 

So we often think personalization means inserting someone's name in a subject line or using AI to create personalized automation at scale. But true oxytocin releasing personalization goes deeper. So here the oxytocin trigger is feeling seen, understood, and valued. 

The action is to send a thoughtful voice memo. It can't be fake. This can't be done with AI. 

Or it can be a personal email reply that you actually write yourself. You want to reference personal detail that someone shared in a conversation, maybe like their kiddo's name or a recent move that they made. Now, why this matters is that neuroscience shows that oxytocin is tied to feeling safe and known.

So when your customers feel like you get them, when you know them, trust compounds. In fact, there's a 2015 study where leading researcher Paul Zak found that emotionally engaging narratives significantly raise oxytocin levels, increasing trust and cooperative behavior. This takes us to action number two, prioritize strategic in-person moments. 

So human beings evolved for millions and millions of years for face-to-face connection. And no technology, no video call, no AI chatbot, no photorealistic avatar comes close to replicating the chemical richness of a real-life encounter. And this has to do with pheromone release to posture recognition and more. 

So the oxytocin trigger here is eye contact, synchronized body language, physical presence. The action, host a customer dinner, invite clients to a retreat. So for example, I've already started planning several in-person gatherings tied to my upcoming book launch with this very idea and for this very reason in mind. 

Now, why does this matter? Well, in-person interactions build emotional memory aid and imprint loyalty in ways that no funnel or automation ever could. In fact, there's a classic study by a team of researchers led by Nathan Boss that compared four modes of interaction, face-to-face, video, audio, and text. And in a trust-based game, groups who met in-person cooperated more quickly and reached higher trust levels than text-based groups, even video lag slightly behind in-person.

Now this takes us to action number three, craft stories, not just messages. So what's really interesting is that oxytocin is released not just through touch, but also through story, especially stories that create emotional tension and resolution. So the oxytocin trigger here is narrative empathy, emotional arcs. 

The action, don't just share case studies, share customer journeys. Don't just explain a point, tell your audience about a personal moment that made you feel it. So why does this matter? Well, stories activate mirror neurons and foster emotional connection. 

Both are prerequisites for oxytocin release. In fact, there's a study here, Dr. Jorge Barraza has a storytelling experiment in 2015 that demonstrated that emotionally resonant stories increased oxytocin levels and directly predicted increased generosity and action-taking. So what that all means is this, while these strategies aren't necessarily complex, they do require intention because we built a world that optimizes for dopamine, quick hits, high speed, shiny rewards. 

To build for oxytocin means choosing a slower path and a more human one. But as we've explored, it's the path that leads somewhere real. And as we first explored in issue number 20 of the Digital Contrarian, going analog, the ultimate zig, it's one of the last true paths for building a moat around your business. 

This takes us to the oxytocin paradox. Here's the part that they don't tell you, because oxytocin isn't always warm and fuzzy. What's often described as the love hormone or the trust molecule, as we've talked about, its effects are a bit more complex and occasionally more dangerous. 

Yes, oxytocin fosters empathy, bonding and pro-social behavior, but it also strengthens in-group loyalty and sometimes at the expense of the other. In fact, there's a 2011 study published in PNAS that found that oxytocin can increase ethnocentrism, which is the tendency to favor your own group and distrust outsiders. So participants dosed in this study with oxytocin were more likely to sacrifice out-group members in moral dilemmas to protect their in-group.

So the takeaway with this is that oxytocin can unite, but it also can divide. And in a polarized world, this matters. In a business context, for example, as your competition further entrenches itself by uniting its customers with in-person gatherings, you and your business effectively become part of the other. 

You become the outsider. Now there's another paradox with oxytocin, and that's this. Oxytocin can't be hacked. 

As we explored in issue 48 of the Digital Contrarian, Truth, Hell, and the Lie They Believe, one of the core contrarian principles of the Return to Real is that the best things in life don't scale. Like, for example, a warm hug from one of your kids or grandkids. Oxytocin resists efficiency. 

It defies automation. And that's both the challenge and simultaneously the opportunity. Because when something becomes hard to fake, it becomes easier to trust. 

In a world of AI-generated everything, what's trusted becomes what's valued. Which brings us full circle to our conversation here today. The oxytocin edge isn't just a feel good advantage. 

It's a competitive moat. It's one built not from code or capital, but from care and connection. And that's what makes it so rare. 

Well, at the same time, a contrarian strategy that's accessible to all of us, including you. So I'll wrap with a few closing thoughts. We've covered a lot of ground in this issue, from neurotransmitters to business strategy, from trust games to monkey studies. 

But at the core, the message is simple. Build for oxytocin in your business, in your life, in your relationships. Because in a world obsessed with dopamine, oxytocin is the real edge. 

Now, I've got another soccer game to catch later this afternoon. My son is going to be back on the field. And I want to be there, fully present to give him a fist bump before the game and to give him a warm pat on the shoulder after the game, whether they win or lose. 

So I'm going to wrap this issue here. I want to wish you a great rest of your day. Remember to hug the ones you love. 

After all, do it for the oxytocin. And if you enjoyed this video or it's helped make you think, I want to invite you to like, follow and subscribe to be notified for when the next video in this series drops. Until next week, I'll see you again soon. 

Take care.