How to Reconnect with Yourself Ft. Raye Boyce

Feeling lost in motherhood? Ever wish you could rewind or compare experiences on equal footing? Join us as we discuss these relatable struggles with Raye Boyce (@itsmyrayeraye), beauty and lifestyle influencer who shares her insights on:

• Navigating the identity shift: How motherhood changes us and the emotions we rarely discuss.
• Body image and societal pressures: Unpacking unrealistic expectations and embracing your individual journey.
• Finding balance (or redefining it): Exploring the gender gap in work-life balance and forging your own path.
• Defeating self-doubt: Tips to conquer "imposter syndrome" and prioritize what truly matters.
• Setting and Example: How our resilience and growth shape our children's happiness.
• Finding your tribe: Building genuine friendships during life's transitions.
• Peace and goal setting: Faith, authenticity, and navigating social media pressure.

This episode is for you if:

• You're a mom feeling lost or overwhelmed.
• You need honest conversations about motherhood's challenges.
• You seek inspiration from other moms' stories.
• You're ready to connect with a supportive community.

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Transcript

Candid Conversations About Motherhood

Speaker 1 0:00

It's viral, it's my.

Speaker 2 0:00

Monday. That's your Monday, then I gotta do my work and I'm like for what Cause, I don't even know cause I'm going to hell. You about to die.

Speaker 1 0:08

So what are we even doing this? For? Who do we know this for?

Speaker 3 0:11

My phone's dead. At least I'm going back to sleep. What's up, hey mom? What's up, hey mom? What's up, hey mom? What's up, hey mom.

Speaker 1 0:21

What's up, welcome to Moms. Actually, I'm Blair and this is Morgan. Get ready for some candid conversations, some relatable moments with our guest Ray Boyce. Yes, if you don't know her now, you do, but you definitely know her Absolutely.

Speaker 3 0:36

We are so excited to be back and let's go ahead and get started in the episode with our it's giving motherhood. Now, if you are new to the scene, we're going to go ahead and explain this game. The gold side is yes, or the first answer, and the white side is no, or the second choice. Now, ray, are you ready? I'm ready. Okay, the first answer is the right answer. Always, always.

Speaker 3 0:58

We're going to give our questions and then we're just going to get right into it. Okay, let's do it All right. First one have you ever felt like an outsider amongst other moms? Okay, Are you in the middle?

Speaker 1 1:11

Yeah, you're in the middle. Why? Because sometimes I don't know, because I want to say no, I don't, but I'm sure I do, because I always feel really awkward. So I'm like I have to.

Speaker 3 1:21

So go ahead and turn to the white side. Do you compare your current body to your pre-baby body?

Speaker 1 1:28

Yes, 100%, I don't. I don't, I do, no, I don't anymore, I still remember, before I got married in my 20s, I really loved my body.

Speaker 3 1:38

I was like it looks so good and I was single and I'm like man.

Speaker 1 1:41

No one's going to get to see my body while it looks like this. And now it's like nobody gets to see my body while it looks like that because it's gone. I was looking at an old picture the other day. I was like, ow, I look like this.

Speaker 3 1:52

Yeah, I was like I like how I look now, but I mean you do look good, I looked good.

Speaker 2 1:57

I feel like I look better now.

Speaker 3 1:59

Yes, same.

Speaker 2 2:00

You have a grown woman, mommy, glow.

Speaker 3 2:01

Like it's different. It's like I don't know. Yeah, my husband always says I looked like a child before kids Like you still look like a child but, I understand your body. Like now you look like a woman Same yeah, so I felt like a legal before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 2:15

Oh my.

Speaker 1 2:16

God, yeah, got it. Okay, would you rather go back in time five years or time travel to the future five years? Oh, I get to change things. I want to time travel. You want to go forward? Yeah, oh, I'm going to be old, so, no, I want to go back in time.

Speaker 3 2:35

Do we get to come back? Oh, do you die? No, like, okay, if I'm traveling forward, do we have to stay there? Do I have to stay there In those five?

Speaker 1 2:42

years.

Speaker 3 2:42

I just get a little glimpse oh that's what I'm going to say there. Oh, I thought it was like a teleport type thing.

Speaker 1 2:48

No, because then that wouldn't be fun. That just means you get like everybody's going to put that one, you get to sneak peek, or come back and I love it.

Speaker 2 2:54

You can't even just get through a basic question, right? Okay, I'm going back. You guys are going forward aging yourselves five years I don't want to go back, because then my daughter won't be here.

Speaker 1 3:03

You get to have her. Oh Would you.

Speaker 2 3:05

Oh man. Oh man, Would I still. No, You're like I'd have.

Speaker 1 3:10

Zoe. But Right, geez, Okay. Well, let's get out of there, yeah.

Speaker 3 3:16

All right, all right, all right. Do you think it's easier for men to juggle career and family life? Yes or no? Absolutely, Am I on every camera Okay. Just make sure yes.

Speaker 1 3:29

Okay, there's nothing to say about that?

Speaker 3 3:31

We don't need to say anything about that. That's a question no need to elaborate.

Speaker 1 3:34

Are you more likely to leave the party early or stay and let your hair down? Oh, it depends on the day. I that's a good point. You know, what I'm saying, I like to get to the party really late. I do too Like when I used to go to the club I would go to like right before the let out.

Speaker 3 3:50

Right before the let out that's part, that's part.

Speaker 1 3:52

Yeah, like at like 2 AM, but then it's super late. Yeah, it is, but I'm a night owl.

Speaker 2 3:56

I mean, I was out last night.

Speaker 1 3:57

Where are you? Look at you.

Speaker 2 3:59

I don't know how I've been. And you are glum, you are. You got good sleep Right. 2 o'clock. 2 o'clock, I'm like OK.

Speaker 1 4:07

LA closes like at like 11 30 PM, like LA stays open late. Yeah, oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 4:12

Wow, ok. Well, I guess we're all staying out. We staying out, we staying out. Ok.

Speaker 1 4:17

We outside. Ok, would you do it all again, knowing what you know now? 100% yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 4:25

Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 4:26

Right, right, I would, because I like who I am. Yeah, exactly the lessons that you learned.

Speaker 3 4:34

Like I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't like make some mistakes.

Speaker 1 4:36

They're like well, you could still learn it a different way. I'm like I wouldn't risk it. I wouldn't risk it, I don't want to go through all of that again.

Speaker 3 4:41

No, no yeah. Let's see Booking a makeup artist for your daughter's prom. Or are you doing her makeup?

Speaker 1 4:49

yourself. Well, mine is definitely gold. You have some decisions to make. I'm doing her makeup.

Speaker 3 4:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would do my daughter's yeah.

Speaker 2 4:57

Because, I'm cool, it's your bonding moment.

Speaker 1 4:59

Yeah, ok, can you let me do her makeup for the stellar? Really.

Speaker 2 5:02

Aw, so I got to.

Speaker 1 5:03

That's so sweet, I felt so special. I did that, I did yes, yes, ok, I can't say the last one, so you go. Oh, you want me to do it OK.

Speaker 3 5:12

I don't got enough heatless curls or a bust down middle part with a 26 inch Ooh.

Speaker 1 5:22

I actually I got to bust down.

Speaker 3 5:23

I'll take the bust. I hate middle parts you hate them. No, oh, my god, I'm in your hair line. I can't do it oh.

Speaker 2 5:30

It's either side or ponytail.

Speaker 3 5:32

Yeah, I've been rocking the side for this, for it I wish I'm jealous.

Speaker 2 5:36

No, I feel like your head is nice. No, I have like a little dip, so that's why I've been reading my book.

Speaker 1 5:41

Yeah, ok, like a little calligrapher. Yeah, everybody's like close in. No Wait, where is this? Show me. See I start middle part and then like three days later I end up at like the kind of off center. Yeah. And I go more to the side, and then ponytail.

Speaker 3 5:55

Yeah, that's mine. I've been rocking the middle part Because you know, like middle part versus side part is supposed to tell your age a little bit. No, because you know millennials be on the side part.

Speaker 1 6:04

I thought side parts came back though. I mean, they just came back like a few months ago Maybe. Yeah, I think Kim wore one in there.

Speaker 3 6:12

Oh OK.

Speaker 1 6:13

Oh Parts, she decides everything.

Speaker 3 6:15

Well, speaking of beauty trends and all the things that you guys don't know who Ray is. Let's brag on her for a bit. She is the OG YouTuber. She is that girl, but she's still really young. Yes, yes, I am, she is that girl and we're just so excited to have you here. Thank you.

Speaker 2 6:31

I'm excited to be here. This is fun. What made you say yes? What made you show up? Ok, I was telling her earlier that I actually didn't want to do it, but I did. I did in my heart, but I just don't take it personally.

Speaker 1 6:41

I don't take it personally.

Speaker 2 6:42

With this stuff and I haven't done anything like this in a really long time. So I get super anxious. That's another thing about me. I hide it and I get quiet, but I'm extremely anxious. My mind is all over the place.

Speaker 1 6:54

So I was like do I really want to do this? Is it myself to that stress?

Speaker 2 6:58

But then I was like, let's just do it OK.

Speaker 3 7:00

I'm happy I'm here. Yeah, you happy now? Yeah, ok.

Speaker 1 7:04

Good, I'm like we're really, you know we're cool, we're cool, we're cool.

Beauty Guru Single Mother Journey

Speaker 3 7:09

All right, so I have a question. Ok, being that you are the beauty guru, everybody pretty much always probably talks to you about all of those things. What is a topic that you don't get asked about but you wish you had the opportunity to discuss more openly?

Speaker 2 7:25

That's a good question I feel like more of, because I'm like so private, I don't like nosy people, I don't even know who's with me. That's a lot too, all the questions Right. Yeah, probably like my background and where I'm from.

Speaker 1 7:43

Oh, From New York.

Speaker 2 7:44

Yeah, no, but more of just like how my family is.

Speaker 1 7:48

Like how?

Speaker 2 7:49

because it's crazy when I meet people and they hear my story about my family and how I was raised and like the things that I've gone through and seen, they're just like how are?

Speaker 1 7:58

you standing, so you know what's next.

Speaker 2 8:00

It doesn't make sense. I need to. No, seriously, we need to know.

Speaker 1 8:03

Yeah, now I need to for you to say it so I can say that doesn't make sense. What's your therapy session? What's the TLDR?

Speaker 3 8:10

Yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot. Well, if you could say, like for somebody who maybe had the same background or even upbringing, that you did like. What would you say to them?

Speaker 2 8:27

I would say If in that moment, you have a dream or there's something that you want to pursue and you really have, like, the odds stacked against you, you're used to seeing a certain lifestyle, used to seeing people, friends, get murdered. Yeah, you know, things happen into your mom Almost being taken away from your mom because your family calls Child protective services just because you know, my mom's like the black sheep of her family, yeah.

Speaker 2 8:54

So I've seen like a lot of crazy things that I thought was normal. And then, like talking to other people, they're like are you okay? Yeah, you know that's not okay, that's not normal. So I would just say that you never know, whatever dream you have, whatever you want to pursue, like it could happen. I would have never in a million years think I would be here like if God literally showed me I'd be like listen, I know you got, but you lying, that's not gonna happen, but it happened.

Speaker 1 9:23

So, yeah, I was gonna ask if you ever experienced some posture syndrome, but clearly all clear, I so how do? You push through it because you know that's usually what stops.

Speaker 2 9:32

Yeah, yeah like.

Speaker 1 9:34

I know you self lies, I know I literally have to lie to myself like sometimes I do a little side.

Speaker 2 9:39

No, I'd be like God. I don't really, you know, I don't really talk like this, but I just got to tell myself this, right now I'd be like you, that, you that girl.

Speaker 3 9:46

You, even though my head every like, are you sure?

Speaker 2 9:49

But? I'm like no, I have to tell myself that because then, like today, I wouldn't have showed up. Honestly, I feel like that's the imposter syndrome kicking in, where I just don't feel like I deserve it or belong. Why do they want to talk to?

Speaker 1 10:01

me. Yeah, yeah, no, that's how we feel. We're like.

Speaker 3 10:07

Like yes we literally had that conversation yesterday.

Speaker 1 10:09

We're like why? Why do people say yes?

Speaker 3 10:17

Yeah, I agree it's. It's one of those things too. First of all, I applaud you for pushing through, because you don't know who you're helping to like. There's so many people out there. I know, like I told you earlier, I've been following you forever and I think when you see like you have that little girl, or you know that young woman at that point, yeah, who wants to do more, who is Aspiring, and now we're mothers and you know, when you become a mom, your priorities change, your dreams change and all that stuff, and so it's like you have to, like push through. You do, but it's hard.

Speaker 2 10:54

It's hard. I don't want to do this yeah and that's why we are here.

Speaker 3 10:57

It's like to be able to help other people, because just watching the person to say I made it is like Chefs kiss a big thing I was gonna say how is your daughter changed how you work?

Speaker 1 11:10

because I think about that often With noble, because I get imposter syndrome in and, for example, if someone invited me to something if they give me too much time, I'm gonna talk myself out of it like I need the night before, so I don't like Literally, but it's a lot of times. What convinces me to do things now is what she's gonna see when she's older.

Speaker 2 11:28

I want her to be like how does Zoe like Motivate? I feel like she motivates me, like you said, to continue even during the times when I don't want to, because they're like there's moments where even sometimes I'm like I don't feel like doing the social media stuff, like I'm going to quit, like I just get tired and the imposter syndrome really gets bad and kicks in.

Speaker 2 11:47

But then when I look at her and then when she's asking me for all these new toys and stuff and she wants to go on all these adventures so she just helps me, want to become a better me and push myself, when I see her and how happy she is, I'm like I did that. Yeah, that's one thing that, like, no one can take away from me. I can say, like how? Happy she is. I did that, yeah, so I have to. Whatever I'm doing, I'm doing the right, clearly.

Speaker 3 12:10

Yeah, I love that and I think it's important to be able to say that, because I think sometimes we we don't want to like be proud. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, like it's like you know we're cocky or whatever, but no, like brag on yourself. I think what's one of the things that we really try to Celebrate is brag on yourself, like be confident, cuz, who else is gonna do it? Yeah, sometimes it's just you that has that. You know, that's encouraging yourself and that's what you need.

Speaker 2 12:38

It's just you that sees all the things Behind the scenes.

Speaker 1 12:41

Yes, so you have to you know, my thing lately has been saying like we are so good at lying to ourselves about like Bad things, like I'm not good enough, I'm not like, why not lie to ourselves about good things?

Speaker 2 12:51

Yeah we're gonna lie to ourselves.

Speaker 3 13:03

Which is probably true. You know the girl that girl was being a single motherhood. What have been some of the things that you have learned through this Journey? Because no one goes into like relationships and has kids thinking that they're gonna be a single mom, yeah, I mean. So what have been the biggest like takeaways?

Speaker 2 13:26

I'd say the biggest takeaway for me Was realizing I really have to know and learn myself before.

Rediscovering Self and Building Friendships

Speaker 2 13:34

I do anything or get into a relationship with anyone and I'm on that journey now because I was married and with that person for so long but I feel like it's just given me a lot of information that I can pass down to Zoe too, yeah, so that I can kind of protect her as much as I can from you know anything like that happening. But I feel like I just want to take life slow now and enjoy the moments.

Speaker 2 13:59

I'm always in a rush, yeah, and I'm always trying to like check everything off of my list so I can feel like I'm accomplished in life, yeah, and I noticed that for me, and I feel like for other people when they do that, it's like you're not really enjoying it and finding your happiness.

Speaker 1 14:14

You're just trying to get to a point of the accomplishment, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:16

And then it's like, okay, now what?

Speaker 1 14:17

You do that, so you always have to strive for something. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:21

So that's what I feel like has taught me a lot.

Speaker 1 14:23

How do you make the decision that you are better off being a single parent than staying in a marriage? You know how like people are like stay together for the kids or whatever. How do you decide like? This is it?

Speaker 2 14:32

Yeah, I feel like for me, the whole stay for the kids stuff to me I don't know. I think it's ridiculous because you get to see everything that's happening behind the scenes when you're a child. You're experiencing all that. My promise to myself. I said no matter what, I don't care who you are. If it gets to a point where we are arguing in front of our daughter or if it's anything hostile, anything that's going to affect her or give her any trauma, I was like you're gone, that's what anyone in my life.

Speaker 2 14:59

Even if it's bringing me too much stress, because now, when I'm stressed, she's looking at me and she's getting into the age where she's going to be like are you okay?

Speaker 1 15:06

What's going on? What's wrong? Why are you crying?

Speaker 2 15:08

Obviously, the world isn't perfect. She's going to see me sometimes feeling down, but I don't ever want her to see it be a situation that I'm in control of, and I can cut out of my life yeah.

Speaker 3 15:17

Do you feel like you are in a space where you're like healed?

Speaker 2 15:22

No, I'm not fully healed.

Speaker 3 15:24

Okay, I feel like.

Speaker 2 15:26

I've moved on. But as far as healing, I think as a whole, since this is the first time me being alone Like I've never been on my own my whole life until now. So I feel kind of like I just started college right now and I'm like there's so many things I've never done. That's why she was out till 233. I was like, oh okay, this is how I was doing 10 years ago. I never did that, so it's cool. It's like I'm just relearning myself again which is fun.

Speaker 1 15:55

Yeah, I'm seeing what.

Speaker 2 15:56

I like to do? What are my hobbies Like? What are things I want to explore?

Speaker 3 16:00

What I don't like so it's a fun journey. I think that's important to like lean into, because we get so many comments from single moms are like, well, what about you know? You guys are always saying like, get a break, and all this stuff and they're like well, how am I supposed to get a break if I don't have help? Or how am I supposed to love myself if I don't have time to even you know? Think about what I love about myself.

Speaker 1 16:22

I'm sick of you guys saying I need self care. I know I need self care. Yeah, I know I have time for yeah, yes, yes.

Speaker 3 16:28

So what have been like the ways that you were like okay, I know that without a shadow of doubt, I'm going to get this, because this is what I'm doing for me.

Speaker 2 16:37

Um well, I'm on a bowling league, so that is that's so cute.

Speaker 1 16:41

Wait, can you get the ball to like spin? No, I'm not there yet.

Speaker 2 16:44

I'm not there yet because I was perfect and everything else. Okay, I just have to perfect my throw. I'm on a little swag, um, but yeah, so I do bowling and that's kind of like been my thing, where I'm like I have to do this for me. It's just for me, you know, it has nothing to do with anybody else. I get to have my time and escape and not just focus just on bowling. Do you go with?

Speaker 3 17:05

friends, are you going to bowl? Literally, yeah, I have a team.

Speaker 2 17:08

Yeah, that is so cute yeah, you guys have like a cute name. We're like we're actually we're trying to figure out a name. Right now we haven't come up with one, but yeah, we went to Vegas, uh-huh, I think, like a few months ago like on a travel yeah.

Speaker 3 17:25

Do you have special shoes.

Speaker 2 17:26

Yeah, how much shoes Wow. What color are they? They're pink and black. That is so cute. Yeah, it's cool, it's really cool.

Speaker 3 17:35

I really think that that should be for every mom, though. Like pick up, get a hobby, it really helped you mental. Oh my gosh, yeah.

Speaker 2 17:42

Because when we took our little month break, I was like what am I doing with myself? I'm just being a mom.

Speaker 1 17:46

Yeah, I'm just being a mom. I'm just being like I need something so I can be a good mom. I need something for me, so I can be a great mom. Exactly that makes sense. So how is it like managing friendships? So you go from marriage where your life can be a lot about like your husband, and then you have kids, and then you go into single mom life where you need community and you need friendships, even when you're married. But we tend to like not water them as well when we're married.

Speaker 1 18:10

So it's like how do you do you have friends how?

Speaker 2 18:13

do I manage that? I do. I know I have friends Because when I first moved to Los Angeles it took me a long time to make friends.

Speaker 1 18:20

I was a homebody.

Speaker 2 18:20

So it made sense. I said I had a house.

Speaker 1 18:23

I know, but I had to break in. You had to be friends with your stalkers, exactly.

Speaker 2 18:28

I feel like being on this new journey of like finding myself. Another thing that I love to do is I take myself out to eat or to lunch. I literally just go by. Myself, I set up the bar and get my favorite food and I feel like doing that and putting myself out there has helped me meet new people, okay, and I have new friends now.

Speaker 1 18:45

So you probably just be like hey girl, hey, you said the best and I'm like, hey, you're cool.

Speaker 3 18:50

I said no.

Speaker 2 18:51

And then literally end up being great friends. I have met so many great people over this past year I can't even believe it Like real hardcore people who are actually like there for you, yeah, which is hard to find.

Speaker 1 19:04

Yeah, I was going to say so Because somebody would play the long game. What were we talking about? Like some people, you know, they just uh-oh. We ain't going to like a fresh friend.

Speaker 3 19:15

No, I think it's just too like we hear the no new friends, all that stuff, and I was literally going to ask you, are you team no new friends, or you are? You know, I used to be, yeah, okay, I used to be team.

Speaker 2 19:25

No new friends. I had my best friend. I was like I'm good with her, but then I realized that with friends friendships in general everyone brings something different to the table for you. So you have to have multiple friends, like there's that friend that you might just have fun with, you guys like to travel together. Then there's friends where you know they can help you emotionally yeah, mommy friends. So it's like I feel like I have like a good.

Speaker 1 19:50

I got a good melt and pop. Yeah, people say it's like harder to make friends when you get older, once you become a parent, but I found it easier because you know what you're looking for. Like I know the type of people I'm not looking for. A lot of friends I'm looking for, like, good, solid friends, and I've met most of my closest friends in my nearly 40s 30s.

Speaker 2 20:10

I'm not going to say right, I'm not her last year, yeah.

Speaker 3 20:14

We just met last year.

Speaker 1 20:15

Wow no way, we met at a conference yeah.

Speaker 3 20:18

Wow.

Speaker 2 20:19

In March. I know that is so cool, like besties.

Speaker 3 20:22

Okay, so you got the whole friend thing down, it seems. But I will say, with you being a popular influencer and like I mean I would say you're pretty famous, right.

Speaker 1 20:33

You don't think you're famous. You don't go out and people recognize you yeah.

Speaker 3 20:37

Okay.

Speaker 2 20:38

So what's the what's famous Foster?

Speaker 1 20:39

syndrome. What's famous Drake? That's famous. What makes him famous, and not you, I think it's the magnitude.

Speaker 3 20:49

Okay, so with friends, though Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 20:53

Okay, you got like a million followers. What's magnitude. Yeah, so just on one platform.

Speaker 2 20:59

I don't know, I think, because I've been doing it for so long, it's just like and because I don't visually see those people. It just looks like a number to me.

Speaker 3 21:05

Yeah, I'm like I'm not really there. That's baby. She said it's just a number.

Speaker 1 21:09

No, especially when you think about the like conversion rate to engagement. So it's like you're engaged and never looked like where's my million likes thing. I'm always like where y'all at.

Speaker 2 21:16

Y'all sleeping, I don't know. Oh, that's so true, okay okay.

Speaker 3 21:20

Well, I was gonna ask when it comes to friends, do you or have you ever had the moment where you're like I don't want to be friends with people because I don't know what their intentions are?

Speaker 2 21:30

So I'm actually the opposite and a lot of my friends, they're the ones in my ear and they're like you do know. That person just wants to be your friend because of who you are right. And I'm like no, they're so nice and we have fun.

Speaker 2 21:43

So in that sense I had to kind of learn the hard way. I was a little naive where I'm just such a people person and I don't obviously I don't look at myself the way other people might look at me. So I made friends with people yet and then I realized, okay, maybe my other friend was right and she's like told you, they just want to be your friends, they want to come over to your house and be nosy and see what's going on.

Speaker 1 22:05

I'm like you're not gonna be in any of my content. It's just me and my nose and all my pics.

Speaker 2 22:08

I ain't got nothing. But, yeah, you'd be surprised. I mean, especially in Los Angeles, I wouldn't be surprised at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why.

Speaker 1 22:16

I'm like surprised that you just learned going out to the bar and like making a difference and I hang out by myself and go to the bar.

Speaker 2 22:21

People are gonna be like oh, she does, yeah, which one Right? Right Now, I can't, I'm not going anymore. I'm about to start plotting on you, right, right, no, we're gonna be friends, let's do some mass prank.

Speaker 3 22:30

I'm gonna be friends Right. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 22:33

Yeah, no, but no, we're doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very important.

Speaker 3 22:36

Would you say as far as, as you're like kind of, I feel like this year, just you know seeing you, you're coming back out of your shell, you're you know doing things. It's like where, what has got you here, like, what are the things mainly? Do you have main, like one big thing that you feel like has gotten you to the place where you are now between motherhood and just being out of your shell?

Speaker 2 23:04

God, no, seriously do this journey. I feel like I'm not saying I had to go through some things, but I feel like it definitely brought me back to him, because I feel like there was a point in my life where I was super close to him and I was doing what I need to do, what I feel I need to do for God, and then I just kind of just let everything go.

Speaker 2 23:29

Yeah, because I was just kind of like everything bad stuff's happening, nothing's really working out, and I was like I'm just going to kind of take a break.

Speaker 3 23:36

Like I was.

Speaker 2 23:37

I'm still like I always love God and I know, like you know, he's the one, but I was just like I don't know I just don't feel like talking to you right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 23:44

He was in the backseat, he just had like him drive. Yeah, he'd get in the passenger seat Maybe call me and.

Speaker 2 23:47

I'd be like I'm kind of busy right now, maybe later now, I don't know.

Speaker 3 23:50

That's for real though that's real and I'm really glad that you said that, because I think some people are so hard on themselves and they feel like I'm supposed to be doing this. And then, of course, you get on social media and where you know, you hear the devotionals and you hear the inspiration, but you're like I don't feel that.

Speaker 2 24:04

Yeah, literally.

Speaker 3 24:05

Like, what do you do when you don't feel it? Yeah, yeah. So I said I'm kind of over social media lately because I'm like everybody got the answers.

Speaker 1 24:11

Everybody has the inspiration.

Speaker 3 24:12

And I'm just scrolling.

Speaker 1 24:13

I'm like no, you don't.

Speaker 3 24:14

Like you don't.

Speaker 1 24:15

And like when someone's going to say, like I don't have the answers.

Speaker 2 24:18

Yeah, Like this is like I don't.

Speaker 1 24:19

But you know, good luck girl, like I'm trying my best, like you, it's just. It's just gotten very overwhelming, like I got on threads Threads at first, like the first week it was real cool.

Speaker 2 24:30

Like it felt like old school twins. Now it's like it's all inspiration.

Speaker 1 24:33

So I'm just like you know what They'll copy and paste it. At this point I'm like my daughter's talking about pooping in above and below is yeah, so I'm like you don't want to do it, yep, yep, I think it's.

Speaker 3 24:43

I think it's good, like we, we do the motivational Mondays, but they're literal Mondays, y'all. I mean, like I don't got nothing for you, I'm the one that needs to be motivated right now and I think that that's. That's okay.

Speaker 2 24:58

It's okay to say that, yeah, and I feel like that's why I'm coming out of my show again, because I'm someone where I feel like, because of my platform, like I need to have an answer to something yes, and sometimes I'm like I don't know, y'all, I'm figuring out just like you. You probably can you give me advice.

Speaker 1 25:14

You might know more than me yeah, but I think that's what happened and all the platforms felt like cause I think it even happened for us. You feel like you have to have the answers Cause before all staring at you like I don't know they're like you have to. I don't know you have to, so you said you're not healed yet what would it look like to be healed? Like what do you think that is?

Speaker 2 25:37

I don't even know, but I'm excited for the moments you get there, but I feel like maybe just finding some peace Like I'm on that journey already, but just finding peace in everything that has happened in my life is going to happen in my life and just really work on enjoying being in the present, and I feel like that's what I battle with a lot. My brain is just always sitting there thinking about tomorrow, 10 years from now. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna die, we're not gonna stay alive. Oh my gosh, I do this, I do this. Oh my gosh, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 26:12

I'm like we're all just gonna die. I don't like it. I'm like we're dead and it's all black, and then I'm like but I'm dead, so black doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 26:19

So then, what's after?

Speaker 1 26:19

black.

Speaker 3 26:20

And then, oh my gosh, it's not. It's like we're gonna make it to heaven right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.

Speaker 2 26:26

We're spiraling. And then I'm like wait, what if I go to hell? Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna burn it. I mean it's too much. You know, I'm stressed out. I have a gut, I have my whole money. I'm just like I can't get past the black. I haven't gotten to hell yet. Yeah, that's it. I think I'm gonna heaven. But then what if God's like girl bye.

Speaker 3 26:44

You didn't do anything I told you to do. There are a lot of. There are some goodness.

Speaker 2 26:49

No, okay, I feel like y'all have gotten my brain. I literally can't follow Inspirals of my Mondays, that's your Mondays. Then I gotta do my work and I'm like for what Cause, I don't even know, cause I'm going to hell. You about to die.

Speaker 1 27:01

So what are we even doing this? For? Who do we do this for?

Speaker 2 27:03

If I sleep, at least, I go back to sleep when I get over one.

Speaker 3 27:07

I'm like that, I'm just like.

Speaker 2 27:08

I'm the same I go to sleep and I wake up. I'm like reset, Reset.

Speaker 3 27:13

it's gonna be two hours later. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 27:17

I'm happy that we all got on our own. No, we're all on the same page.

Speaker 3 27:21

We all spiral.

Speaker 1 27:22

Yeah, I should have like prevented late at the black black doesn't exist part, you're like I just can't get it. I have to get out of it, please, please, oh man, can we get out?

Speaker 3 27:31

of here. I don't know. We're already there. We have spiraled down this black hole Literally, but there is no black. I'm gonna chill. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, all right. All right, let's get out of the black hole, okay, all right, and let's really start to think about. I really want to talk about the new year. Okay, we are in 2024. All the girls have goals.

Speaker 1 27:57

Yes, you know what I'm saying, are you one?

Speaker 3 27:59

of the people that have like you playing your whole year out, or are you like? Look, I need to take it one day At a time.

Speaker 2 28:07

Yeah, I'm the one day at a time kind of person, because I feel like I will begin to spiral again.

Speaker 1 28:11

Yes. Once I have all these goals and I'm not hitting them when I want to hit them.

Speaker 2 28:15

I at least try to have just like one big goal.

Speaker 1 28:17

Okay.

Speaker 2 28:18

I feel like for me, it's really like I mentioned before, just to learn to be present. Okay, that is my goal.

Speaker 1 28:24

There's no vision board parties. Yeah, no, she's in the way I tried it one time and I'm just like cutting your magazines, she's like this looks cute on Instagram.

Speaker 2 28:38

Exactly, it's a cute moment, but can somebody do it for me? Yeah, right.

Speaker 3 28:44

They don't even really do magazines anymore too. How do they do them? Yeah, they do them on the internet. Now On the apps, right, I think they will start making like apps.

Speaker 1 28:50

I'm old. Yeah, no, you're not old, I just that's what they tell old people no.

Speaker 3 28:55

I just feel like no.

Speaker 2 28:57

I'm always that like anti resolution and like.

Speaker 1 29:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2 29:02

I'm not really I'm, I'm, I be stressed out, so I just want to focus in the moment and just get as long as I can get something done off my checklist, I'm happy.

Speaker 1 29:10

Yeah, I feel that I'm not a resolution person, I'm a word person.

Speaker 3 29:14

But that just started because of church. Church always has like the word of the year.

Speaker 1 29:16

Yeah, and so mine last year was discipline. So it's just like anything I do, yeah, be disciplined about it, like don't give myself outs, don't get lazy, or when I do, go back to that word.

Speaker 3 29:26

Yeah, cause, if you're like, I'm going to work out every day.

Speaker 1 29:30

Yeah, I'm going to bounce out of it, but I'm like I'm going to be disciplined, so I'm not going to work out every day, but I'm going to work out Wednesdays or I'm going to do five minutes. And it's like I can be disciplined in the things that I do choose to do.

Speaker 3 29:41

Mine was bigger. Yeah, I was like every time I think of something, think bigger. Every time I want to do something, do it bigger. I think, cause we I was kind of saying this early like we always, as women and as mothers, we kind of like go with life in such a way of like just enough, yeah, or if we can just do this and it's like no, we just the best, we deserve all of it. And not just some. So that was my word.

Speaker 2 30:11

So I guess, well, I have to, but one, first one would be present.

Speaker 1 30:14

Okay.

Speaker 2 30:14

Okay and consistent.

Speaker 1 30:17

Yeah, consistent Every influencer's favorite word.

Speaker 2 30:21

But not even just consistent one content. Consistent Like with myself. Yes, I don't care about myself, because I feel like I'm always focused on just being a mom, where if it's something like I'll be like I need to find a therapist.

Speaker 1 30:33

I'm saying that for the last few months and I'm like girl, just do it and be consistent, like things that I want to do and continue to do them because I'm somewhere.

Speaker 2 30:41

I have to continue to be active and be consistent for me to be happy and I've realized that.

Speaker 1 30:46

Yeah. So now I'm going to follow up on you. Like in two weeks I'm going to be like keep my own jerk there. Because you know better help if you're just going to like do it on my own. Like you can do it, call me accountable, yeah. Your friends are not your therapist.

Speaker 2 30:59

Exactly, they are not your therapist. No, they are not.

Speaker 1 31:02

Because you know, that's just the.

Speaker 3 31:04

My journal is my therapist right now. I wish I could journal.

Speaker 1 31:08

You can. I'm trying, so no, I've tried a billion times and I'm not it.

Speaker 3 31:12

But this is what I've been telling people.

Speaker 1 31:14

It's like I think we think it has to be like this whole thing where it has to be a full page. Yeah, why don't you just journal like I'm happy today? Yeah.

Speaker 3 31:22

Yeah, some of my interns are literally like five sentences. Really, yeah, like okay, this morning it was God. I thank you for just allowing me to even be able to do this show.

Speaker 1 31:32

Great, let's go because you have to practice the muscles. Yeah, cuz I think it's like I used to use, like my I have a resting D face or whatever, and I'm like this is just my face and I'm like. You can always say this is just who I am or I don't do this, but you can if you practice yeah and so it's like I started short journaling and I don't do it every day, but I don't beat myself up if I haven't done it in five days.

Speaker 3 31:54

I don't see.

Speaker 1 31:54

I don't do it, I just have to try to catch it. And then Megan Markle Showed me this personally through her documentary on Netflix.

Speaker 3 32:03

I said you remember, tell me more. I'm gonna be her friend. I'm like when were you gonna tell me this?

Speaker 1 32:10

So, through her, documentary on Netflix when she said Blair, but no, they do video journaling and it's really cool because I started doing it last year and it's like to see where you were last year or like it's, the one time it's actually okay to cry on.

Speaker 3 32:24

Yeah, yeah, it is your personal because you can save them all.

Speaker 1 32:28

Your daughter can look at them one day, because. Like this girl I know she was talking about. She tries never to cry in front of her daughter. I was like I think it's okay to cry in front of your child and explain that everybody.

Speaker 2 32:38

I will say I'm one of those moms. You try to hide it, yeah, but she.

Speaker 1 32:42

My thing is like you don't everyone heard it feel like she has to like yeah. And I think there's a lesson, because I tell my daughter, like I'm the first one to say, like we don't cry about all this, you need to get it together. I'm not like let's cry about everything. But I think she's seen me cry and I'll explain. Like see I get stressed out, or I feel this way.

Speaker 1 32:58

But this is what I'm trying to do to calm down so that when she feels that way, she doesn't feel like she has to hide.

Speaker 3 33:03

I never see my cuz.

Speaker 1 33:04

I never saw my mom cry.

Speaker 3 33:05

Yeah, so it's like we don't cry yeah, do this but it's healthy sometimes.

Speaker 2 33:10

Yeah, so I think it's just the description right out.

Speaker 1 33:12

But yeah, so you can actually cry on camera without looking like a crazy person.

Speaker 2 33:16

I'll be crying on camera and then I'll start laughing at myself.

Speaker 1 33:22

I.

Speaker 2 33:29

Swear that is me.

Speaker 1 33:43

Look at yourself after you cry. Like give yourself five minutes after. And it's like but yeah, video, video journal is really cool to like be able to go back to it. Yeah, one day, you know like kind of like a time capsule.

Speaker 2 34:00

Yeah, I like that too, especially with my daughter. That would be cute to do.

Speaker 3 34:04

Yes, now we have our one last question. This has been amazing. I can't believe. I know basically over, yeah, but what do you think moms actually need to hear?

Speaker 2 34:14

Oh, Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's so cliche to say but yeah, it's the truth. Like you kids alive and healthy. You're doing well, like you're showing up the best you can, literally like, don't be so hard on yourself. Yeah, I think that's yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3 34:34

It's alive, the baby is alive. I'm keeping them alive, yes, which is very hard. It's very hard to take care of a whole human right, good.

Speaker 2 34:42

You're so alive and you baby, yes.

Speaker 3 34:48

Because you can be keeping the human alive.

Speaker 1 34:51

Yes, and I'm there a lot sometimes yeah, it's like man we get there, they can care of everybody else. Yeah, and not yourself take it yourself.

Speaker 3 35:00

So that's the lesson of the day.

Speaker 2 35:01

That is a lesson.

Speaker 3 35:02

Yes, be what you say. Don't be so hard on yourself, don't be so hard on yourself.

Speaker 2 35:05

Don't be so hard on yourself, don't beat yourself up.

Thank You for Watching Mom's Actually

Speaker 3 35:07

I love that. Well, guys, thank you so much for watching great, thank you. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 35:12

Thank you, so thank you for your yes, yes, we're so good. And the follow through yes, trust me, I understand. Yeah, yeah, anxiety was like do you really want to do this?

Speaker 2 35:24

Think about it.

Speaker 1 35:26

Yes any last thoughts, anything on your mind. You can say no, but just want to make sure you I think we're all good content yeah. I like that word. Every Thursday evening we keep the conversation going on Instagram live for the mom's actually after show, so check us out around 90 15.

Speaker 3 35:48

Eastern, yes, eastern. Yeah, yeah, we got put the babies to bed. Yes, we do.

Speaker 1 35:53

Nice. Follow us on Instagram, make sure you like us subscribe to us.

Speaker 3 35:59

You know, share the love, share with another mom or friend or mom to be yes and we just appreciate you guys for watching. Thank you so much for watching mom's actually where moms come to find themselves.

Speaker 1 36:11

Hey mom, hey mom, what's up?