Moms Actually
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Moms Actually
How to Live in Freedom Ft. Tabitha Brown
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Hey Ma! Our season finale features the incomparable Tabitha Brown 🥳🥳🥳
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Parenting Challenges and Awkward Moments
Speaker 1You know my is the crazy. Yeah, he's like look, you might hear us again, but you ain't going to have to.
Speaker 3Oh, you might hear us again, but you know what's up, what's up, what's up, hey Mom, what's up, hey Mom, what's up, hey Mom, what's up, what's up, hey Mom, what's up? Welcome to Moms. Actually, I am Morgan, I'm Blair and y'all the I know Y'all. We have Auntie the Auntie and have the brown hair.
Speaker 3Oh my goodness, I am just crawling in my skin right now. I just literally cannot believe it, but I am so grateful that you are here. We are so grateful that you are here, so grateful, and that you are joining us on the couch. We told y'all we had a treat for you guys and did we deliver?
Speaker 2or what we delivered. Yes, you've been waiting for this. Yes, didn't even know you were waiting for it, but yes we've been waiting for this.
Speaker 3But, yes, we are so excited to have you here. Thank you so much for just joining us. You guys know, if you don't know, we are about to get into some really, really good conversation. But before we start, we are going to give you a moment. This is your moment, right now, to subscribe. So we're just going to give you one little second. Press the button.
Speaker 3All right, ok, so thank you so much for joining us. Before we get started into the nitty gritty of the conversation, we'd like to play a little game. Oh, OK. Ok, Blair, can you take us in on the game?
Speaker 2So we're going to play a little game. You've seen it unless you're new, it's giving motherhood yeah. That is why we have these fun little paddles, and so gold means yes, or it's the first answer or first option, and then white means no, or it's the second option, because we're going to do some yes or no and some either. Or yes, no, no, maybe.
Speaker 1So, yeah, all that, all that, ok, we're going to figure it out.
Speaker 2So the first question are you ready? All right, ok so yes, I'm ready, good guess, very good.
Speaker 1She's like that was the first question, right.
Speaker 2Is having it all unrealistic. I'm going to say yes because it's like a technicality. I guess it's like what's the all?
Speaker 1Yeah, All Right. Well, I think that well, she's like yeah. Because all is what we determine. Yes, right. So to me, if we have life and we have health and all the things, whatever we perceive as all is all. So I think, if we don't look at somebody else's definition of all, we always have it all.
Speaker 2I can agree if we're going from that definition.
Speaker 1That's why I?
Speaker 3say no, because I'm like what's all to me, yeah, and whatever is all to me is what I have, and it's not unrealistic.
Speaker 2I'm like if you say all or none, like in an argument or something.
Speaker 3You're like black or white. No gray, you're automatically wrong, like because it just never is. Yes, ok, I'll go with that, ok, ok, do you think today's moms face more challenges than previous generations?
Speaker 2Yes, I say yes. Oh, we've talked about this before.
Speaker 3I'm like I'm in the middle, I'm in the middle.
Speaker 2I am. I say yes because of social media, but then like no, because we don't have milk cows. Like how far in the generations are we going? Like you know, there was just a lot more that had to figure out without technology. So I'm like you can go harder from that. You were like kind of lonely or two, Like it just depends on what we're saying is the generation like the 1800s, the 1910s, the 1980s. But I feel like social media makes it much harder as well.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think more access creates more challenges.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, I would say the same thing. That's why I'm kind of in the middle, because we have just so much exposure where we're like, ah, I'm not doing that, and kind of what you were saying a couple episodes ago everything is either right or wrong. For a second it's like this is the best way, and then it's like, oh, studies show that actually that's awful way. So it's like between that and then. But the previous generations they kept everything in. Yeah, everything was. We got to be strong, we got to. You know we're talking more now. So they didn't have an outlet for real to be able to say, no, I'm not OK.
Speaker 1Yeah, this is true, yeah so both.
Speaker 2Have your kids ever walked in on you? No, yes, my mother was walking. She don't remember it.
Speaker 3Ooh that is very awkward.
Speaker 1Yeah, that was pretty weird, she was only two, yeah, and we stopped instantly and was like we're wrestling.
Speaker 3Did y'all do it? Did y'all do it? You were like I don't like the rest, I didn't get to do it.
Speaker 1I don't like it. I don't like it. We just playing. We don't like it either we just playing oh my goodness, years later, when she was like 14 or 15, she heard us yeah, and she was upset about it.
Speaker 3So how do you have? You had already had like the talk.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, we had had the talk, yeah, many times. Right, the talk is a conversation. Yeah, ok, that's good, I love that. You know she was in high school, but then she had an attitude about it.
Speaker 3So when she did.
Speaker 1he took her to school that morning. He was like, because we didn't know she had heard us, and so he took her to school that morning. And when he came home or he called me, he was like hey, I think Choyce might have heard us last night. I said, well, he was like she had a little attitude this morning.
Speaker 1Nothing that he could say Like she wanted to have no conversation, and so when we picked her up, she still had an attitude, and so I was like, oh, now we got to have a conversation. And so Chance who was, you know, my husband crazy. He was like look you might hear us again, but you ain't got no attitude at all.
Speaker 3You might hear us again, but you know about that. And she broke up with me.
Speaker 1You know, we had a very small house up there. And it's like you know. We can understand your, your thoughts, your emotion behind it, but the reality is your parents love each other and this is also how you got here. You also know what it is right, but we respectfully always try to make sure you don't hear it. And this is like the first time in your whole 14 years of life.
Speaker 2It's not pretty good. She don't remember when she was two.
Speaker 1I didn't tell yeah, and so we worked really hard on making sure she was comfortable.
Speaker 3I like that you said that word, like respectfully.
Speaker 1You still like, even though we're adults, even though is our house all that, we still try to make sure you know Absolutely, because you also don't want your children to have trauma, because yeah, I'm like it's weird.
Speaker 2I'm like it's weird, but you should be happy, your parents getting that all.
Speaker 3Yeah, they love each other.
Speaker 1Even to this day. She's 22 now. She'd be like if we hugged.
Speaker 3I can't believe she's 22. Oh my God, y'all are so disgusted.
Speaker 1She got some flashbacks She'd be, like uh, I'm out of here, yeah.
Speaker 3That's crazy. She grown, yeah, but just the other day, oh yeah, that was the first time For yeah.
Speaker 2I mean, y'all left four just yeah, so you were more than person.
Speaker 3Yeah, it seemed like it should have been the day yeah, cause we don't typically need morning stuff. But it just was that day, oh, okay, but he you know, he went right back out.
Speaker 3He didn't know. He didn't know cause it stopped. And then my husband was like all right, son, go back in your room, which usually he'll even say that even when we're not doing anything, cause we try to keep a limit on, or a timeframe on, when he can actually come in in the morning. So he just knew to close the door and go back. Oh good, it was pretty chill, but I was like wow, that was close, woo, um, okay, me next. So do you think parenting gets easier as kids get older?
Speaker 2I'm gonna give a whole big old fat no. I'm gonna say no. I have younger kids, but I feel like everything's conceptual with younger kids. That's why all the advice I give and I'm like but my kids six and four, so you know we don't see if it actually turns yeah.
Parenting Challenges and Personal Choices
Speaker 1It's definitely a no. Yeah. So yeah, clearly, I don't think I realized how easy. You know, baby stage was hot, live stage. You know even elementary school all that. It was so much easier, honey, trying to parent adults and teenagers. Baby, I'm lucky to be here, yeah, but it's also like now you, you're never not parenting Right. You have to adjust. You know cause when you have, you know, teenagers, which is a very tough stage because you don't want to treat your children like babies, but you also don't want to treat them like adults yet, right. So you got to find the medium right. And every child is different. You don't realize that until they start getting their own personalities and as they continue to grow, it's definitely harder as they grow up. And then you worry for the rest of your life. You be like I ain't gonna worry about it, but as a parent, you always got something in the back of your head. Like you know, my daughter, nancy, moved to Houston.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1And she not. I can't reach her like I used to be.
Speaker 2I can't imagine I'm about to touch her. It's a lot different. Yeah, I cannot imagine when your kids are just in the wild every day, yeah, yeah, and they don't even come back home Like they just yeah, every day Living, yeah, just holiday. Oh, we did it too.
Speaker 3Call your mom after this. Right, yeah, right, it's just hard. My daughter's 11. So I'm in the that stage of like, oh, it's coming, yeah, no it's here, oh it's here. I'm like, ah, is she sixth grade?
Speaker 1Yes, oh it's like the first transition.
Speaker 3Yes, so she is literally in that first transition of you know, figuring out, like, oh, I have options, people are trying to influence me, all the things, and I'm like okay, and of course, like you said, you got to let them figure it out. And they also have now their own thoughts, their own desires, all that stuff.
Speaker 1But Whew, it's a lot. And then you got to remain open.
Speaker 3Right.
Speaker 1So that they can still trust you.
Speaker 2And that comes to you Right.
Speaker 1And so, even when the parent inside of you want to be like, no, do you need to do this one. Yep, you can't.
Speaker 2You got to adjust.
Speaker 3It's easy when they like. You want it too Exactly, and it's like that's what I said, Right. But now when?
Speaker 1they, you know it, you know, really are independent and thinking on their own.
Speaker 2You got to give them that freedom. Noble already says, like you know, no one can. You can tell me what to do, but no one can make me do anything Right. And I'm like I'm already at that stage and I'm like she's six. And I'm like you're right, I can't make you do anything but.
Speaker 3That's because we talked to her that way too, I know it. It's like, it's like it works.
Speaker 2I'm like I don't need to get it right there. You need to figure that out.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'll do that a little later.
Speaker 2Because, sometimes I do need to, you need to feel like you have to, you have to. But God, god, yeah, they fired on me. Yeah, you did. Okay, so you'd rather take a Eat, pray, love solo trip or a 10 day cruise with your family? Oh, oh, that ain't a yes or a no. First option. First option Eat Pray Love. Okay, got you, or 10 day cruise.
Speaker 3Whew, that's actually. I thought I knew the answer, but that's actually kind of hard.
Speaker 1I mean, I want to go with the family and then after I'm gonna need that solo she's like both.
Speaker 3That's good. That's good, because how long is the Eat, pray, love trip?
Speaker 2what we say. I mean, let's say I feel like Julia Roberts was going for about four months.
Speaker 3Ooh.
Speaker 2Let's say 10 days, 10 days, 10 days. Yeah, let's do a 10 to 10.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm gonna go with Tab's answer Because I need the family trip, because I don't really like doing solo too much by myself. You know, especially traveling, but I've never traveled by myself before, yeah, so yeah, yeah, I don't like that. But 10 day on a cruise, I've never been on a cruise, because that feels weird. The cruise was surprising.
Speaker 2I thought I would hate it. It was not that bad. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Like if you get on a nice one, like it just looks it's a floating beauty, Like it's a beautiful.
Speaker 3It's like a floating Vegas. Yeah, floating Vegas.
Speaker 2Okay. Okay, the rooms can sometimes be a bit tight depending on where you're. Good, but a cruise actually, and then they do the stuff.
Speaker 3I think the cruise, yeah, and I'm gonna bring Sophie going on a trip with us Because she's like bring the nanny, the kids will be here, but, mm, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2Dad, I think I would do the cruise. I feel like my house is my Eat Pray Love, like I get a lot of, like I make those moments. So, yeah, I would do the family cruise. I'm actually very surprised, right now. Yeah.
Speaker 3I'm shocked. I'm shocked. When does the mom sleep? Sleep when the baby sleeps or whenever it just happens?
Speaker 1If the mom doesn't sleep Well, we definitely should sleep when the baby's asleep. When you're, you know people say that all the time. But reality is baby, it just be happening. Yeah, right, it just be happening.
Speaker 3Yes, it's hard because sometimes when the baby sleeps, it's like that's when I wanna do, something I wanna do Even though I'm tired, and that doesn't stop after the newborn stage. That's still the kids Like I'm, like I am so tired, but I wanna sit up and watch a show or, you know, catch up on.
Speaker 1I feel like the first two weeks you can kinda adapt it. After that it's like oh, now I gotta get some stuff.
Speaker 3Figure it out. Yeah, okay, first two weeks. Y'all hear that. First two weeks.
Speaker 2Well, toddler stage, or teenagers.
Speaker 3Toddlers. We just went over there, yeah.
Speaker 1I miss that stage. It's my idea. They're fine. They love you more yeah.
Speaker 2I'm like, I'm not a baby person, I'm a toddler person. I love toddlers.
Speaker 1Even when they're having their tantrums, all the things.
Speaker 2So I'm like it's the cutest thing Teenagers Woo.
Speaker 1Bless some Jesus.
Speaker 2Yeah, y'all are Bless some door. I remember being a teenager. I apologize to my parents Because how old is your son now. He's 11.
Speaker 3So he got you.
Speaker 1But you know, boys are different, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, he's still my baby. I was gonna say so. He's probably just two years. You did the whole girl thing and now you're doing the boy. Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, he said he never gonna leave me nor forsake me. Oh. That's my son right there.
Speaker 2I've been practicing my son saying that too, I'm like promise mommy, you won't grow up.
Speaker 1He said well, I can't, I can't really promise you that.
Speaker 3But I'm gonna be here.
Speaker 1That's my baby. Oh, I love that. Boys love they, moms, they do.
Speaker 3Is it me? Yes? Do you believe that gender reveals are overrated? Yes or no?
Speaker 1I'm gonna say no just because I think if people wanna do that, that's their business, you know they wanna be excited about it and make it a thing. It wasn't a thing when I you know Me, neither you know, but I'd be wishing I could have a little fun moment too.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1But listen, I think whatever people wanna do to excite themselves or have a celebration baby, you do that. That's your business.
Speaker 3Yes, I agree.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think it's cute.
Speaker 2But, like I said, if you know what sex you want to have, just don't do it. Unless you already know and you're surprising everybody else because seeing those people upset at their gym.
Speaker 3Yeah that's no fun.
Speaker 2And then the next 20 weeks or if they people find out early early now, Like do you imagine a whole? Pregnancy being mad.
Speaker 3Sad upset and then your child has to see that later, exactly If you'd be a mad to get coming.
Speaker 2What happened was oh, you didn't want me. Yeah, I waited till birth to find out, because I really wanted a boy. Yes, and I had a girl, but I didn't have any time to feel any way, but the baby's here, so I avoided 20 weeks of disappointment.
Speaker 1I wanted if we did it one more time. That's what I wanted to do just wait and see what the surprise was.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, because you got the girl, you got the boy.
Speaker 1But we, the shop is closed, shop is closed, so we won't be doing that. You don't know, people get surprised. No man, no, we kept and snipped.
Speaker 3Yeah, okay, okay, okay, there we go. No surprises, no surprises.
Speaker 1I mean it's we're on the great heat doing that. Okay, Well, that was great.
Tabitha's Journey to Success and Balance
Speaker 3Thank you so much for playing. It's giving motherhood Now. Let's just dive into the conversation Now. You are known for a plethora of things.
Speaker 1Oh, plethora.
Speaker 3Yeah, plethora of things. You have a long list, but is there anything that you don't normally get to talk about that you're like? You know what? I wish they would see this side of tab more.
Speaker 1No, I'll be talking about everything.
Speaker 3You do, yeah, you do your open book. I feel like, yeah, I'm open book.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm open to whatever you want to talk about.
Speaker 2What is the first time you you heard of Tabitha? What was your first like Tabitha experience?
Speaker 3Oh man, Um, I mean, it's been so many things, I would say probably all the the cooking recipes. So I was like ooh, you can make bacon like this.
Speaker 2That was my yeah, like that was my first one. I was like, yeah, he just made carrots into meat.
Speaker 3And it looked good, but yeah, yes, yes, yes, because I love that very much, so I'm always following people, that, so I think I followed you for that. And then I was like, oh, and she loves the Lord. And she got like some really good inspiration and then you came out with all the snacks and you just kept growing and I love seeing people's journeys. So you know you follow somebody, but you made me stick around.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's, true I appreciate you sticking around. Yes, yeah. So how has it been? Because it hasn't been that long. Really, it's like you worked very long and hard to become an overnight success right 24 years instead of 20. Wow. But people, you know when you pop up, that's when they think you've appeared like oh we just she went viral once and you know showed up or what have you. So how have the last few years like being compared to you know the work that got you to the this version of fruit.
Speaker 1It's been amazing. Yeah, right, the first. You know it started. I started doing videos and content in 2017 and had my first viral moment December 30th of 2017. So 2018 is really when it took off. A lot of people didn't find me into 2020 on like TikTok when that came about, but my first you know moment was 2018, in January and I got my first like Whole Foods campaign right from that video and that was the car and the car when the sandwich and the TCLA and it just kind of took off from there and it was very Different from me because I had never did like content and social media.
Speaker 1That's a new world for me. You know I'm a trained actress and, yes, um had been working like in corporate America 95 or I pursue my dreams out here in LA, and so I was like, wait, I can make money on the internet. Jesus, I didn't know this. Yes, so just learning that, and I kind of stepped away from acting for like those first two years because I was doing so much you know, content and traveling and speaking to people, and it was, I didn't even realize I wasn't doing my acting stuff.
Speaker 1Wow, hey you know, god had, just like he kind of put me in this, this safety zone. He was like I'm gonna develop some something different inside of you. Put these next two years, and I allowed it and I was like, okay, lord, I'm open to whatever you want me to do, and so it's. It's been an amazing journey. I'm very grateful.
Speaker 3Yes, I love that. It sounds almost like you had to surrender a little bit. Oh, absolutely, um, and I think we hear a lot of times from moms they're like In that seat, that safety zone, but they don't know they're in the safety zone, oh right, what are the signs that you're like right there and you just need to surrender for God to do what he's supposed to do?
Speaker 1For me, the sign is when everything that you've tried is not working. Right Now, I got to be obedient and let God open the doors and let him make the moves for me, and I continue to follow you know and and walk in those steps. But if everything that you're trying, you just feel like I'm not in control anymore, yeah, this is the time when you know. Okay, I got to let him be in control and surrender, be obedient. That's. That's kind of the sign for me. That's what it was.
Speaker 2Okay, you know I can imagine you. I mean, you work so hard towards becoming an actress and, like this Career path that didn't even exist. So it's like right now I'm doing this, like, how did you adjust, like to the changes so, from your everyday life To now, all of this attention and it's like you're working to? If you were an actress, you would have got all the attention too. But, like, how did it feel to, like, get out into the public spotlight, have everybody's opinions on you, like, literally overnight, have such a change to your lifestyle?
Speaker 1um, you know, it never really felt, and this is, you know, I've answered this before. In a way it felt normal for me. I love that. It felt very normal. I love and I've told the story before For years pursuing acting. You know, it didn't matter the role was paying me $50 or if I was doing it for free. It could be a short film or a major you know, a feature film, a commercial, a music video, it didn't matter what it was. I will come home and tell my husband oh, this is it.
Speaker 1This is I would be so excited. Oh, my god, this is it, honey, we're gonna go to the film festival, like all these things I would be like just over excited about. And when these things started to happen in this new career path, I was making money, things were really had people work, knowing who I was, and I was very calm about it and my husband was like, hey, listen, you know when for years you would come home and nothing was really happening.
Speaker 1But yeah, so excited and you believe that it was. He was like and now that things are really happening, we really are, you know you really making money like and success has come. You're very calm.
Speaker 3He was like so what, what is it? That's kind of like you know.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I was like, oh, because you know, before my, my spirit and my flesh was not in alignment. So while my flesh was like, oh, my god, my spirit was like, girl, no, you got to keep going. But now I'm all in alignment, yeah, so I feel balanced, yeah, and I'm very grateful. So it's a different energy. I'm super excited all the time, yeah, but it feels very much so like, oh, I'm at home, it's like a kairos moment, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1It's just very feels, very normal, like, oh, this is what got it into the film.
Speaker 2Yeah, I was gonna say so. You're not surprised by where you're at now.
Speaker 1I'm I wouldn't say surprised, because I would always dream and see things. I never imagined it to be the way it is. I always knew something was coming, but I'm very like, oh God, this is it this is amazing, yeah, but not just it.
Speaker 2Because you actually get to. It's funny, you do all this time to become an actress, playing other people, other parts, and you get to be this, being yourself, be tailed.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not wild, it's amazing.
Speaker 3But then you still get to use that.
Speaker 3Now I was going to say you still get to do your acting, so it's like nothing is wasted, all the things that you still. It all comes back around, but it's because you were obedient, absolutely. Wow. Now you have, in the midst of all this, you have children. So how has that been? Because I can only imagine, as you continue to get bigger, as you continue to get more roles and things like that, your kids don't go anywhere. They still need you, they still need mom, and you're America's mom right now, but they're like but nah, you my mom. So what's going on? So how has that been? Just kind of balancing all that and we have a fun, because she doesn't believe in balance at all, and I'm like there's rhythms. So what's your take?
Speaker 1Well, for me, I am mama first, right, I'm family first. That's just how I live my life. Everything else is just the bonus, right? My kids? It's so funny. Yesterday we was at a fashion show and people come up and I was with my daughter. They want to take pictures and all the things she was like. I'll be forgetting you, babe, because at home I'm just mama. Yeah, right, so it's no. Oh, my god, this is my mom.
Speaker 2It's like no, this mama.
Speaker 1And so I just stay true to who I am. You know, when I go out I'm still tan, but at home it's just I'm mama. So my kids don't they know? Oh, my mom is. You know, it's half the brand, but that's just like my name. Yeah, right. So my son? He's younger, which is so funny. He will be out and he'll be like, oh, these are your things. You know he'll be like, oh, ok To him at a very early age, when things really started happening in the last couple of years, if you were successful, because you know their generation watched YouTube, yes, and the YouTubers would have the Model X Tesla with the doors to go up.
Speaker 1That's how he like measured success.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1And he was like but I didn't have that, oh, so you ain't really, you're not really famous man.
Speaker 3Man, the doors right.
Speaker 1And so I was like but what if mommy just don't? Want that, but he's like yeah, but the YouTubers, that's what they do when you've got money, that's what you do?
Speaker 2Do you have to get a car to show your son? No, I still ain't got that over.
Speaker 1I'm like oh, he's like but mom, but that's kind of like his way like, oh, mom, you ain't made it yet, yeah so he's still like yeah.
Speaker 2But it's still just mama.
Speaker 3I love that, so yeah.
Speaker 2Besides like having a son and a daughter, what's been the biggest difference in raising them? Because you raised your daughter during a different era of your life and now you're raising your son during you know, he's more present for this era of your life. So what's been the biggest difference?
Building a Supportive Village for Family
Speaker 1The biggest difference is patience. Right, I'm older, right, so I also suffered loss and hardship and all that with my daughter, and it also taught me to be more present, not to be in a rush for them to grow up, to hold on to each moment when you can, because you can look up tomorrow and it's gone, right. So being more patient, being more understanding. Also, I think the biggest lesson was that they are not the same right, I'm also not the same and giving grace more for myself, right, and extending that to the children. But also we don't have the stresses that we had with my daughter. We was broke for a long time.
Speaker 2She's like cool, you know same plane and you know choice.
Speaker 1We moved around a lot you know from apartments, you know houses renting, trying to find you know, better schools and all the things. So she moved a lot where my son has only, you know, had like two or three, but he's always had homes right and so I used to kind of carry that like almost as a guilt for my daughter and she was like mommy, I thought it was fun.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2You know we were moving out.
Speaker 1I was like, oh, I got a new room, but I grew up in the same house my whole life, right, and so it was my own internal thing, but, yeah, being able to give him things that we could not give her, you know, when it comes to like education and more opportunities, things like that.
Speaker 1But even with being able to do that, she had so much more when it comes to, I guess, like, like the like, not street knowledge, but you know, like over, we know you can be all right, yeah exactly With him we'd be like oh. Jesus.
Speaker 2Is he gonna be all right, you know, yeah, yeah, cause he's like he's gonna take care of himself out there. Like choice would be, like no, give you a buck.
Speaker 1Yeah he's like I don't think we should really. You know, mommy, I don't know, you know, right. So I'm like oh Jesus, what have we done to the child?
Speaker 2right, you gotta just throw him out somewhere, yeah, cause he gonna survive out here soon yeah.
Speaker 1But yeah, I think that's the difference. But the core of who we are has always been the same. But, as you know, as you grow and you age and things shift, of course we have to shift and change as well.
Speaker 3So, but yeah, Is there a way or a strategy that you have to staff your life, To staff my life. What do you mean? Like your village and how you get, because we can't do any of this alone. So how? What are that? Because we hear it all the time. They're like well, how do you always say sisterhood and village, but like, how do you do that? How do I meet these people? How do I even decide that there's the right people to have in my village? So, do you have a village and how have you?
Speaker 1Oh yeah, absolutely. We have a village here and, like, as we moved in, we didn't know nobody Right? So over the years, when I was in acting class, when we first moved out here, I was, you know, we got married. You know, my husband was 25 years, so I was the only one in class that had a baby and who was married, yeah, and so I would invite everybody over to my apartment. Well, okay, we would have Sunday dinners, and so I would cook, and I won't be getting back being but we just cookin' you know, play games and everything in the village just continue to grow over the years.
Speaker 1And, of course, when I had my son, it's like everybody showed up Right, and so now, as success comes in and freedom comes, the circle actually has gotten smaller. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1Yeah, it gets smaller, but it should, right, and I had said this recently. Sometimes it has to get smaller so we can get bigger, and so, with that, I know the people I have now I can truly trust right. And then of course, you know you hire people to with your team. But when it comes to my family, though, it's like you got to be family, to be in the family.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1But I do we be mom and daddy.
Speaker 3Yeah, we still going to drop you off at school and pick you up and do the things, yeah, okay, one of the things I love that you said is that you open your doors, like to the people to come in, and I think a lot of us. We're always waiting for somebody to open the door to us and that's why we, you know, we're like, oh, no one invited me and no one, but we're like, okay, well, you can open the door. So that actually spoke to me, because I've been in my new state for a little over a year now and sometimes I'm like, tag, I wish I had this or, you know, I missed that family moment. But I'm like I could create that, like I could open my doors. And you know, I don't have to wait to have this big house with all the space, but I could just use what I have. So that's the little tip right there Little side bars, just open your door. Don't wait for everybody to you know, open their door to you, but you let the people come in.
Speaker 2Of course, use the sermon, but yeah, oh yeah, okay yeah, just turn it.
Speaker 3Everybody's like yes, yes, it's funny we were doing a lot more things like back then.
Speaker 2That probably wild style now, yeah, we let our like. I was out in the wild without a cell phone as a child. Yeah, yeah, like that's kind of grimy, riding bikes all through the woods going here, there.
Speaker 3Yeah, never let my kids do that now Taking a whole bus to school at five years old. Yeah, all by myself yeah.
Speaker 2It's crazy. I live in a great neighborhood and I wouldn't let my kids play outside by themselves.
Speaker 2I don't know, maybe I coddle too much, but yeah, so I have a question. So you know Michelle Obama talked about being married to President Obama. Do we still call him that? Yeah, president, and how? There's time periods, you know, she like, I like him for a whole decade. So like how do you get through 25 years of marriage With all the changes, all the kids, all the things like, because it's not the same marriage that you had in your one year, five, 10 years? Absolutely.
Speaker 1I think that it's important to know in marriage and relationships you are going to change both of you Right, and so you got to be open to the change. There's absolutely those moments. I understood Michelle. Anybody who'd been married for a long time understood what she was saying. Yeah, I haven't had like 10 consecutive years.
Speaker 3That's a long time I'm not liking somebody, right.
Speaker 1But we, both of us have had times when I'm like, yeah, lord, have mercy, I can't stand.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1But, we love you know, by default. That's why we all have hearts right. But that doesn't necessarily mean we're going to like a season that you're in. Yeah, sometimes I don't like me. Thank you, right. That could be a season that I ain't really fooling with me. Right now, of course, I ain't even got the capacity to fool with you. That makes sense, right so. But I also know that a lot of times it has to do with self-work, mm-hmm. If we ain't gonna do the work on ourself, we can't hold our partner responsible for our happiness.
Speaker 1Right a lot of people do, and a lot of people do so. Honesty, being transparent, having uncomfortable conversations, sometimes being quiet, mm-hmm, right, these are the things that help you get through 25 years, but the growth and understanding the growth and the changes is the things that truly will get you through it. Yeah.
Speaker 2Right, because I'm like you know people. Either we either think people divorce too fast or separate too fast or like, oh no, people are together because they put up with a lot of crap and I wouldn't do that. So it's like because people are like I wouldn't want my grandparents' marriage because it wasn't this Right. So I guess, how do you know what's worth working through?
Speaker 1Well, I think that the first place that we go wrong is comparing our marriages. Mm-hmm Right, Like you know, when people say I don't want my grandparents' marriage, well, you should, you should want your.
Speaker 2I would talk about that. You should want your sister's marriage.
Speaker 1You shouldn't want your friend's marriage. You should want your marriage, yeah. You should want your marriage. Yeah, and your marriage is gonna be different than anybody else's right, because what y'all do in your house is y'all business Right. So I am a firm believer in not including a lot of folk in your covenant right.
Speaker 2Oh yeah.
Speaker 1So like this is. There's certain things where you do need to talk to somebody and say, let me run somebody, how do you feel? But how they feel should never outweigh how you feel. Right. You shouldn't be so influenced by what somebody else tells you about your own marriage and so making the decisions that work for you, and I think that sometimes you can be in a relationship and one of y'all may not want it to work anymore.
Speaker 1Y'all might be ready to throw the towel in, but the other person is like no, I still feel like we can work on this. The moment comes where y'all both in the same like for a long season of I don't want to do this no more. Then there's something like well, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1Neither of us really want to do this anymore. Let's unpack why and see if we have valid reason for us not to do this anymore. Right, but if you don't have valid reason, then that means okay, we still got some work to do. But I think it's to each his own. You know, in a relationship I don't think there's one thing, because some people can handle certain things and some people can't.
Speaker 2Oh for sure Some people will be like, oh wait, he wore black. Yeah, I know someone a reason, someone divorced and it was like I was like y'all can work with this. Yeah, I think her husband like looked at pornography or something and she felt like that was cheating and they divorced over that. Oh God bless her. I was like, wow, can I never get married to you? I was like, can I that's?
Speaker 1right. I was like I'll switch. This is yeah, but that's how it is. Yeah, right, Exactly.
Speaker 2Like you said, you can't compare. But wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1God bless you. Everybody got their own reason.
Speaker 3Even with life and we're talking about you know, relationships and stuff like that, but motherhood and marriage, that's a whole thing in itself. Like you have your life, your lifestyle, all the things, success, passions, all that happening, but marriage and motherhood together. What is that? How do you prioritize your marriage over your kids? Do you believe that's a thing? What is that like?
Speaker 1So when we first had choice right, we were young, we hadn't got married yet she was a flower girl, so it was all about her for me. You know, I'm a young mom and I'm trying to figure this out, and it was really a tough time for my husband because he was like dang. I feel like you just forgot all about me right.
Speaker 1And I'm like I got this baby you know, I'm breastfeeding on demand, I'm pumping, I'm also going to work and I was so focused on being a good mom that he had become like kind of second in that moment. But then, after getting married and going years and years, they both took priority over me. Right, I was whatever they needed I was doing. And when I had my son, we had been together for a long time then and I realized by then I knew, oh, marriage is first. My husband comes even before the children, but I had to come before him yeah.
Speaker 1But it took me a long time to get that. And so now I know right in the last six years I call it my freedom walk I come first right, then I make sure he good and then the children.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1That's how I operate and most times he and I are with, so on the same page when it comes to the kids. That it's easy to navigate that, but you know everybody's a little different. But if you truly believe in your marriage, right, you understand that it has to come first. Right, it has to come before your mom and daddy and for your children. Because a lot of times parents be so attached to their children even though they've been married for a long time they forget that.
Speaker 1Wait a minute. The husband and wife got to come before y'all now, right, so we got our own home now. So it's definitely him first. Because, listen, what do you say? What the kids going to do? They going to be disrespectful and grow up, okay, and leave, and leave. And they ain't going to look for you to put them first. Right, and now you at home trying to figure out what am I doing, because you didn't take your time to nurture what you had and what you're going to have to have when they're gone.
Speaker 1So which is yourself and your partner?
Speaker 2Was there any guilt that came with that? Because? Of race so how do you fight that?
Speaker 1So it's different levels of guilt. There's the parent guilt that comes and I think it never goes away, when you think that you're not doing something right. And then there's the marriage guilt Like oh dang, I guess he was right. I wouldn't really pay him no attention. You know also, as your body changes, you know you had a baby. You ain't never the same honey. I don't even feel like having said it.
Speaker 2How many wants you to look at me right now? We talked about being touched out, but they don't get it, it's personal to them.
Speaker 3They think it's personal, I still love you. I just look at the sunlight. The sunlight is nice.
Speaker 1Listen, they don't see what we see.
Speaker 2And we thank God for that. Oh yeah, they are so kind. You look good, but I always said I have to feel like I'm a good girl.
Speaker 1And men have to get to their place where they feel like that about themselves, the moment that they start having some insecurity moments maybe they'll miss, because it don't happen as often for me, but when they do, then it's sometimes like a wake up, like, oh, this is what you were feeling.
Speaker 1So for me, the guilt came in those waves. But when I started my freedom walk, which meant I started taking these layers off of this tab that I had created to navigate the world and to fit in and to be like this perfect person, I started realizing. I was like, oh, wait, a minute, I was living for everybody except me, and that meant I had to start putting me first and really getting to know myself. And once I got to know me the true me I was like, oh, it's got to start with me every day and I can't feel guilty about it and I'm not going to apologize for it, and so that's how I live now.
Speaker 3I almost like being unapologetic about constantly finding who you are yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1We should not apologize for that and we should not feel guilty about it.
Speaker 2So 2017 was your year, because that was six years ago.
Speaker 1So it was like, did it?
Speaker 2happen, like right before, or what was the timing, like you decided you were going to put you first Because I got sick.
Speaker 1So during my sickness I was sick from 2016 to 2017, for about a year and a half, and I thought I was going to die, and during that time was the unraveling of this tab that I had created for so long and, in my prayer to God, my final wish and call out, because I really thought God had forgotten about me.
Speaker 1My prayer was God, if you heal me, you can have me, and that meant I won't want you to live my life my way anymore. I was going to live it the way he created me, and in order to do that, that meant I had to really show up and stay up and I had to take these layers off, and that meant OK, now I got to be free, and so going on a freedom walk is why I call it there Was every day learning to be obedient, every day learning to put me first, every day, no longer trying to conform. I ain't cold switching, no more. I'm not covering my accent, no more. I ain't going to dress the way you want me to dress. I'm not going to wear my hat away. You want me to wear it. I'm going to be who God has called me to be and it's going to be this style and I'm not going to apologize for it Doesn't mean I'm not triggered.
Speaker 1Because when you hit on a healing journey, something is going to shift you right or make you say oh, wait a minute, do I deserve to be in this space? Can I show up like this? But then you check that, we check ourselves, and then we proceed.
Speaker 2I would say I feel things, but I don't let it run me. Like I don't pretend like I don't have those moments. So is that what you would say to somebody who is like that feels like God has forgotten them?
Speaker 1Yeah, I think that you know, during that time when you feel that that's him wanting and desiring you to get closer to him, yeah, right, for me that's what it was. Me thinking that he had forgotten about me made me go deeper in my search for him, right? And so I always say go deeper, right, you know, get a little bit closer.
Speaker 3Yeah, jeez, I just it's funny because I can relate to that Like, after I went through my big health scare, I think I did take off a layer and people do ask like how do you, you know, live in such a? It's just different working. And I'm like, yeah, because I realized that it's not worth it, like it's not worth living like this all the time. And if he was going to take me out, he would have done it a long time ago. He's like waiting for me to just be free and walking what he called me to be, so I would you know, just little sidebar, if you are in a moment where you are, you are right on the edge and you know you're supposed to just walk in freedom. I love that you're calling it that your freedom walk because I haven't had verbiage for it.
Speaker 3I'm always like I don't know. It's just kind of happened about two years ago and God said but it's truly that it is walking in freedom, walking in what God literally called you to be, and not not scared even though it is scary, yeah, and even if you scared, it's all right. Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, being afraid doesn't mean you're not free. Acknowledging it means you're free. That's a good point, so it's all right to do it. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1One more time. But seriously, that's what it means you can be scared but still be free. Yeah, it's also scary when you're walking in freedom. For me, when I first started doing videos and you know I had to get the big chop hat cut off all my hair and in my prayer and being obedient, I was like I got to stop, like trying to talk, perfect, yeah, I got to. You know, I've been trained for years.
Speaker 2I worked in corporate. America and also in acting like you have that cold sweat.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, okay, yeah, who will talk? All on the phone.
Speaker 1Even with the people I had met here in LA because I was trying to be this perfect tag.
Speaker 2And I was like why can't you talk?
Speaker 1to these people to say what I talked to my daddy. It's the same way I talked to my husband right Whenever I talk to God Exactly.
Speaker 1When I know a camera is on or somebody that may be in the industry. Even my friends, I had to. I realized one of my best friends. Her name is Zaynab. We were on the phone one day and we were talking she's from New York, right? And so we were talking and my daddy called and I had to click over and I was like, oh girl, hold on one second. So I clicked over and I've talked to my daddy for a few minutes and when I came back.
Speaker 1I was myself and she was like hello. And I was like not even my real friends know my real voice, because I had been hiding for so long, right, because I was trying to fit in out here in LA and I was told you country or your voice sounds ignorant and I believed that.
Speaker 2And what's wild is what she know for right. What she know for right. You are like an ASMR sound for your voice.
Speaker 3My eyes can be closed, I know what the voice is, and we all wait for that voice on Instagram.
Speaker 1Well, I'm on Instagram every day, like they're motivational messages yeah that's amazing, but that's not freedom, though.
Speaker 3What are practical ways? Because we talk about putting ourselves first, we talk about finding ourselves, but like what are the steps? That is finally like okay, I've decided that this is time for me to do that. How do I do it?
Speaker 1I don't think that there's actual steps right, because I think everybody's life is different, but for me, starting my day with myself, having a little bit of quiet time whether that is working out in the mornings, having your prayers in the mornings, but it's just your intimate time with you and God. You just have space for yourself, right, so you can also tackle the day whatever may come your way right. Another thing is, which is so important is using the word no.
Speaker 3We don't know how to do that sometimes.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's hard. It is work that has to be done, because somebody else's emergency don't necessarily mean as your words, and sometimes they think that. And so you gotta be like ooh honey, I am so sorry, I'm not even available, yeah.
Speaker 2And it's okay and people actually accept no's they do.
Speaker 3Because we accept people's no's.
Speaker 2It's like okay, I got it.
Speaker 3She's like, but for some reason we don't we think we're supposed to save everybody. It's a controlled thing too, I think.
Speaker 1But it's also a woman thing right. It's in us. We were born with a womb which means we were born to carry, but it doesn't mean that we carry everybody else's problems. But we sure try, we try. Yeah, the womb is for them babies. Yeah, and we gotta carry all the persons in the world and everybody's problems.
Speaker 3We're born with a womb, so that means we're born to carry Jeez. I mean just, I mean that's why we carry a lot.
Speaker 1We can have so much on us and people may not even know Right.
Speaker 3Because we hide at will.
Speaker 1Yes, Honey a man, you know what he carry.
Speaker 3Every single time.
Speaker 2Every stress. He be like you can see it.
Speaker 1Every time but we can show up and be looking, alright, yeah, and they think everything is fine.
Speaker 3It's like a woman carry a pregnancy for months, exactly yeah, jesus, yeah, woo, okay. So what is next? Like as you continue to grow, as you continue to really go after your wildest dreams and parent and be a wife what is the thing for you? Do you ever also feel like this? Is it, and I'm good?
Speaker 2Oh no. What's your wildest dream? What's the dream?
Speaker 1Oh, I have a bunch of them. You know, I'm nowhere near. This is I'm good and this is it. I think I'll be done when God calls me.
Speaker 3There you go.
Speaker 1But I have a lot of things I wanna do, of course. I wanna do a talk show, I wanna do documentaries. I want to travel the world and open our eyes up to different things. More film and TV. I just partnered with Made in Love Media, with Steven Love, so, you know, with my production. Do you Believe Making other people's dreams come true?
Speaker 2Yeah, right, so I have a lot to do. How has the talk show not happened yet?
Speaker 1Right. Well, I've been off for a couple of times, but I kinda it's gotta be my way.
Speaker 2Okay, cause I like I know it's a story.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, that makes sense. You know the timing gotta be right. So whoever God says it's right, I know it will be.
Speaker 2Okay. So that's a good question, Because I think sometimes we get presented with things that we pray for. And so we wanna say yes, cause we're like that's what we pray for. How do you know to when to say no to something you pray for, when it don't feel right? Yeah, what's that feeling for you?
Speaker 1It's a gut, it's a gut feeling. I call it a gut is the gift under the tummy, oh you feel that feeling.
Speaker 3I've never heard that before and you gonna hear it all the time, right.
Speaker 1Wow, I love that. When you feel that and something don't line up, go and walk away from that. Yeah.
Speaker 2Cause I know people ignore it.
Speaker 3Yeah, I might just be nervous, cause you convince yourself. You convince yourself that this is right. There's no way to be presented if it wasn't him.
Speaker 1Like we make a lot of things make sense, even though it's Cause you also gotta remember the enemy knows our dreams too, and so he can present his wails.
Speaker 2Oh, he's good at it too. He make it look real good yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, absolutely. What's your motivation for inspiring people? Because I think right now you also, which is why people call you auntie and the mom and all that stuff. What inspires your, keeps you going to, even when you don't feel like it? You know what I'm saying, because the motivator doesn't always want to motivate, the encourager doesn't always want to encourage, but I feel like you have a voice to the person, the dreamer. That it's very specific. What? What keeps you doing that?
Speaker 1I feel like it's my assignment Right, even on days where I don't feel like it. If God gives me something, then I give it Right. So it's purpose for me and I know what he's told me to do, yeah, and so I'm obedient in it, and so freedom keeps me motivated, like I have the freedom to deliver a message, and I also he has. He has blessed me with this thing of once I give it, I've released it and I don't carry it in his car, you know, and so it doesn't matter what somebody says about it. I'm just doing my job as a vessel, right, and so that keeps me motivated, to know I'm. I am, you know, doing my job that he has has blessed me to do. So what?
Speaker 2would you say to a mom she's married or not married, she has kids, she's working, and she had all these dreams and she thinks that they're not possible now Cause she's just got this full plate and I'm getting older and my kids need me. Like what would you tell her?
Speaker 1I would say if you think that you can't, you can't, but if you think that you can't, you can't.
Speaker 3Jesus.
Speaker 1Drop the excuses. Listen either way, you right If you say you can't, you can't. If you say you can't, you can't, but either way you right. Either way you right, so choose your right. Yeah, you make the decision, yeah.
Speaker 3How you gonna lie to yourself today. Oh yeah, we not playing. I mean, I'm telling you, it's just. I am so grateful that we have been able to have these types of conversations because it's so easy to have the light and fluffy right, it's so easy to encourage and it sounds so good. But it's also very hard when somebody is so deep down and they have convinced themselves that really, this is it. But it takes a certain amount of like you gotta pull yourself up off, you know, by your bootstraps and I think this season is doing that especially from people like you that are saying no, you gotta you, it's gotta be you that wants it. Like it's gotta be you that's gotta tell you that you could do it.
Speaker 2Otherwise, you have to stop encouraging people into complacency. Like sometimes your friends will be like okay, it makes sense, like, yeah, your life is hard, it is okay. You have to have those people that say like so, so.
Speaker 1Yeah, like, if you want it, you want it.
Speaker 2You figure anything you care about.
Speaker 1you'll figure it out and I think the most important thing is not to put a time limit on your dreams, right? I'm about to be 45. So things just started happening for me. You're really at the 40 mark. My late 30s is when life started to like really open up in a new way for me, and I'm just still getting started. No matter how much I've accomplished, every day I'm like, oh, this is a new day.
Speaker 1I'm just getting you know, getting started. So I think you can raise your kids, you can be this great mom, but you can also do one small thing every day towards your dream.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1It ain't gotta be something massive. You can do one small thing, cause those kids, like I said, they gonna grow up, they gonna be going living their life, and then what do you have? Right, but you still have you in the process. So you need to make sure you take care and nurture your dreams as well In the, you know, while you're on the journey of being a mom and a wife or whatever. So, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2So I'm going to ask you one last question. Oh, all, right, girl, okay, so what do you think moms actually need to hear?
Speaker 1Oh, you're doing a great job.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1You're doing a great job and you can do it your way, and it's all right.
Speaker 2Yeah, do it your way, your way yeah.
Speaker 3That's good Cause. We, we expose you. We try to do it everybody else's way. Yeah, you can do it your way.
Speaker 1And the most important thing to remember is you can do it different. You can do it different, you don't have to do it the way that your mama did it, your grandma did it, your friends do it. You can do it different.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, that's probably the best thing I learned.
Speaker 2Like my sister-in-law had kids before me and I'd never seen anybody raise kids the way she does. Like you know, her life and her marriage came first and I was like, oh, I can do that, Cause my mom sacrificed a lot, Like she never had any sick days, any personal cause, it was all dedicated to me. And I'm like, oh, you, just you out living your life and you got some help. You can, you can. You can like have help and not feel ashamed about it and I was like, oh okay, absolutely, you can Honey.
Speaker 1That's your village, honey, you want to create it and that's also your business.
Speaker 3Yes, yeah, wow, thank you so much. Yes, thank you. Thank you for talking with us. You're coming on. Yes, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2Thank you for your yes. Yes, it means the world to us. It really does. I appreciate y'all.
Speaker 1You're the best Y'all are amazing Wow thank you, you are amazing, you are amazing.
Speaker 3I'm like us.
Speaker 1Yes, they're amazing. Y'all make sure y'all subscribe and things okay. Yes, please, should I end it on in my video?
Speaker 3Oh yes.
Speaker 1Yes, please Well, be ever good. We thank y'all for watching All right, and until the next time y'all going by at your business have the most amazing day. But even if you can't have a good one, don't you dare come edit out nobody else's slime. Love y'all. God bless you.
Speaker 3Hey moisturization, hey moisturization, hosa, hosa, hosa, hosa.
