Leaving Education to Rebuild a Life Around Financial Healing - Kara Stevens

Money is rarely just about numbers. For Kara Stevens, founder of The Frugal Feminista, money was tied to avoidance, shame, family stories, ambition, risk, and the question of what it really means to have enough.

In this conversation, Kara shares how she moved from debt and financial avoidance to helping women heal their relationship with money. Before building The Frugal Feminista, she worked in education, eventually becoming an assistant principal. But after years of building systems, serving students, and growing her platform on the side, she realized she had reached the end of that chapter.

Kara talks with Brian about leaving education, preparing financially for a major life transition, moving to Ghana with her family, and learning to build community in a new country. She also explains why money stories matter, how shame shows up for professional women, and why a powerful exit requires more than a leap of faith.

This episode is for anyone who is considering a career move, questioning their relationship with money, or trying to make a values-based decision without ignoring the numbers.

Enjoy!

Stay connected with Kara Stevens
Website: The Frugal Feminista https://www.thefrugalfeminista.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kara-stevens-edm-37882b12/
Book: Heal Your Relationship with Money https://thefrugalfeministastore.thrivecart.com/heal-your-relationship-with-money-book/
Free resource: First three days of Heal Your Relationship with Money at https://www.thefrugalfeminista.com/community/

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Transcript

Kara Stevens 0:02

So, one of the big things I think is important when thinking about like why did I leave or why did I quit? A lot of people maybe have like a dramatic exit. Mine was more, what do the numbers say? What's the data? And what does my gut say? It looked like some of it, to be honest, like, did I make a mistake? That creates another spiral of guilt because you're not where you want to be. There's a big disconnect between having an impressive resume and having wealth. And a lot of times, people will lead with what they do and the degrees that they have. And then that adds another added layer of shame because their net worth or their income doesn't reflect the level of advancement that they've been able to make, the decisions they've been able to make to advance in their career, go up that ladder or start that business, and it doesn't reflect in their bank account.

Brian Aquart 0:52

Welcome to Why I Left, a podcast exploring life-changing career moves. I'm your host, Brian Aquart. Join me as I chronicle real stories from real people about the bold decisions that transform their careers and lives. Let's dive in. Hello, and thanks for tuning in to this episode of Why I Left. Money isn't just about numbers, it's about the stories we often tell ourselves. Stories that can either empower us or hold us hostage. My guest today, Kara Stevens, believes every woman is a revolution unto herself. And through the Frugal Feminista, she's helping thousands rewrite their money stories and reclaim their financial power. Let's go check it out. Alright, welcome back. So my guest today is Kara Stevens, an author, speaker, and founder of the Frugal Feminista, a platform dedicated to helping women heal their relationship with money and embrace abundance. Her practical yet soulful advice has been featured in The Washington Post, USA Today, Black Enterprise, and more. And her latest book, Heal Your Relationship with Money, guides readers through 28 days of lessons to release financial dysfunction and find peace with their money. But before she found her true calling, she worked in education. And so I'm excited to talk with her all about that. So, Care, welcome to Why I Left. How are you doing?

Kara Stevens 2:24

Thanks for having me.

Brian Aquart 2:25

Absolutely. Now I've loved your journey and I appreciate you reaching out when we connected. And would love for you to share just a bit about your journey before the Frugal Feminista. You know, what shaped your early relationship with money and even purpose?

Kara Stevens 2:40

Well, thanks for asking that. I think that sometimes you find the purpose after all the things happened, the sequence of events. It's never some people maybe get it ahead of time where it's like, oh, I know what I want to do. But I realized that I really wanted to help people heal their relationship with money. When I graduated from college, I had student loan debt, I had credit card debt, I had no intention of paying either back because I thought that if I ghosted them, they would get the message that I was not going to pay back this money. And it wasn't until the balances kept on going up and I happened to open up a Discover card bill in front of my mother. And I was kind of venting and complaining to her. I was like, I can't believe this balance is going up, mom. Like, don't they know I'm not gonna pay for it? And she looked at me like I was crazy. She goes, that's interesting late fees, child. You know, and it's almost like she questioned her whole parenting. She's like, My God, you know, you did not realize that. But I didn't. And I had graduated from a very prestigious four-year liberal arts school with a degree in economics and political science, ironically, but there's no relationship to that of personal finance. And so one thing I didn't know how to do, I didn't know how to write, I didn't know how to research. So I went to the library, local library, and asked the librarian, do you have any books about money? And she was like, Yeah. And that was when I was introduced to the section on personal finance. And I found a few books, one of which was written by a black woman under Bridgeforth. And it was the first time I had ever heard a coup heard a concept of getting your finances in order because I knew I had signed um credit cards. I mean, I knew I had signed up for credit cards in college when they put those um stands on campus. And I knew I had signed up for student loans, but I didn't know what that meant. I was 17. And so by 22, 23, when these bills are coming in, you're not paying them, I was like, oh wow, there's an actual consequence if I continue to continue this avoidance. And then there's a long story, but I finally got out of the debt, even as a teacher. But then I started a position where I was making more than enough. But these feelings of scarcity and sadness and anxiety and distrust around money lingered. And so then it clicked that it's not necessarily the amount of money that you have that determines your relationship with money. It's all the feelings and thoughts and emotions around it. And then I was able to track it back to growing up, single parent. My mom was left by her husband, my father, leaving her to raise me and my brother by herself. And all the messages she had taught me about risk, about relationships, about money, that was when I started to realize that I had some unpacking and some healing to do, in order for me to one, enjoy money, two, think there's enough money, three, take risk to go after what I want in life, because sometimes how you relate to risk is manifest in how you manage your money, um, in order for me to actually have a balanced, healthy, happy life.

Brian Aquart 5:49

No, I I appreciate you you sharing that. And I'm sure there's a lot of people who who can relate to that. And I've had similar conversations with folks around that, their upbringing with money and how it really impacts, you know, truthfully their their future. So I'm glad you were able to recognize it when you did. So that is like a nice foundation for what eventually you then get into. So, what inspired you then to start Frugal Feminista and step into this role as an author and advocate for women's financial healing?

Kara Stevens 6:18

Well, similar to, like I said, I was in debt. I didn't know how to get out of debt, and so I read about it. And when I was also in college, I was the editor-in-chief of the literary magazine. So I like to write and I processed through writing and I share through writing. And so the title of that book was uh Girl Get Your Money Straight. And I started a blog spot back in the day when blog spots were a thing called Girl Get Your Life Together as a nod to all the things I had been learning in that book. And by that time, I was just completely obsessed with learning as much as I could about personal finance, but then translating it into language and ideas and concepts that 20-year-old could identify with. Because a lot of the authors I was reading, I was in my 20s, they were in their 40s and 50s. So a lot of my friends wouldn't necessarily be interested in hearing what a 50-year-old has to say about money, but they'll be able to understand it through the frame of a 20-year-old who's going through the same things, breaking it down, sharing their experiences. And then, so that is really how I started on that journey of like, okay, now that I know I have this problem, here's what I'm doing about it. Let me create some, not con I didn't understand the concept of content, but let me share, let me write. And that is how it started. And then I needed an extra job. So I pitched my writing to a local newspaper in Brooklyn, a black owner newspaper, and they needed a column on personal finance. And I was like, okay, it was the $50 a column. And I thought I was making a million dollars because I was like, wow, someone wants to hear what I have to say. It felt great to share. And then from there, I started to change platforms. Like instead of writing for somebody else, I started to write for myself. And then I was invited to write for other platforms, and then I learned more about the world of blogging and business moving forward.

Brian Aquart 8:06

I love that. And and Blog Spot is a throwback. I have not heard that name in in some time. One of the things I opened with was around how you were also a teacher, right? And so we talk a lot here around career transitions, these pivots, and the decisions that lead to them. And so I'd love to go back to that time when you were a teacher. What was going on then when you decided it was time to leave education?

Kara Stevens 8:31

So I think so. One of the big things I think is important when thinking about like why did I leave or why did I quit? A lot of people maybe have like a dramatic exit. Mine was more, I'm a methodical person. So mine was more, what do the numbers say? What's the data? And what does my gut say? So it's a combination. So I was a teacher and I was growing the frugal feminista on the side for a really long time. And so I loved my students. I worked in my community. I became an assistant principal, a school leader. And I realized that I did not want to, there was nothing more that I could do in terms of wanting to do more of what I was doing. Being an assistant principal allowed me a flexibility. Being an assistant principal allowed me to stay close to the students and to the staff in a way that being a principal wouldn't allow me to. And then I realized that even in that position, I was outgrowing it. You know, I had put in systems and structures and programs, things that I was very, very proud of that if middle school Cara could see what adult Cara was doing, she would have been like, I would have loved to have gone to a school like that or been around programming like that. And I knew that I was done. And I also knew I promised myself that my sixth graders would, when they became eighth graders, I would make sure I wrap everything up so I can see their exit, right? So I feel like I had a clean little loop. At the same time, I was working diligently on the Frugal Feminista for it to replace my income as an administrator. Um, because also around that time, in addition to looking around and realizing that I had done all the things that I could and wanted to do in education in this particular way, um, I was talking about what are our values. And at that time, it was during 2020 or post um COVID. And we were like, you know what, we don't want to look back after 30 years and just say that we worked our whole lives and didn't take advantage of what we believed in education was supposed to do, which was to give us options. And so we decided that we would plan to move to Ghana and what that took to move to Ghana, the finances, the planning, and kind of like an exit plan. And that also included making sure the frugal feminista had strong enough legs to at least survive the transition from being US based to um online based. And that was kind of the decision. I think the best thing for me in that was even when there were downs and lows with the Frugal Feminista, that I knew that it would be my ticket to leaving in a way that made emotional and financial sense for me because I'm an emotional, financially rooted person.

Brian Aquart 11:20

A lot of sense. What did that leaving look like for the first, let's say, 30, 60, 90 days? So after you you got the eighth graders through, you you went that, you decided to make those moves. What did those first few months look like? Moving to Ghana or just leaving and then moving to Ghana, yeah.

Kara Stevens 11:36

Yeah. So it looked like some of it to be honest, like, did I make a mistake, right? Um, I know a lot of conversations around to Ghana, especially for uh certain commun black communities, it's like it's the best thing. You you get to be around people that look like you all the time, and it's like a a um a coming home or a homecoming. And I think for me, because I have been to Ghana within the I had been to Ghana a long time ago as a student, and I had been to Ghana in the three years that we were planning to uh relocate, and my husband is Ghanaian, Ghanaian, moving to Ghana versus visiting Ghana came into very much close contact with the differences, if that makes sense. So sometimes there would be no electricity, sometimes there would be no lights, sometimes, you know, you would put an order in for something, and then the timeline wouldn't, it didn't, it didn't mirror the customer service that you don't realize you're accustomed to as an American. And so, so the first 60 to 90 days was just uh experience or an ex exploration of how much do you want to make it work, right? And so we created solutions for each of those things. So we bought solar panels, right? We got Starlink, we're internet. So we wouldn't have to rely on local internet and electricity. We got we bore a hole. We did like a bull hole where we have our, we kind of look off the grid when it comes to water. I mean, these are things that we decided that were these inconveniences and infrastructural inconveniences, did they outweigh the goal of raising our daughter in a place where everyone looked like her? She had more time to be a kid, um, she had more space to run about. It um was it worth it or was there a trade-off? And so I would say even the first year, it was we sting. And then the second year was like, how am I gonna make my money? Because a lot of my work with the Frugal Feminista before moving was in-person speaking. And with COVID, things shifted. But a lot of my clients would still want in-person, even if it's not a hundred percent of it, if I were to have a client for say five speaking engagements or a series, they will at least want you there for one, the first and the last one, and you can do the rest virtual. So it was like, will I be able to maintain those relationships, those business relations, or will I have to find alternatives? And come to find out after now being two years here, some of them sustained because I've been able to coordinate my visits to the US with one client and then work around with others. So it makes sense to stay for like three or four weeks and then be able to meet my client's needs. But other things I've realized is that moving away also means moving away. And so it may mean having to do things virtually and creating that as like your main source. And I was happy, I guess, to answer your question in those first 60, 90 days to explore that because we had to make plans financially to understand that everything wasn't going to go smoothly.

Brian Aquart 14:55

You know, many of my guests often talk about the loneliness of big transitions. Did you feel that? And if so, what what community design did you build? Whether it's, you know, a pod, fear a pod, anything like that. So you weren't exactly moving alone. I know obviously your spouse was there with you, but what else did you have with you to make sure you weren't uh moving along?

Kara Stevens 15:16

Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. Community and finding community has been still a top priority. I would go to the equivalent of Eventbrite in West Africa and find events. So events that were like wellness-centered or business-centered, I would, or even things that were like expat-centered, I would attend those things and kind of network there. Two, going to the gym and creating your own routine where you can meet people. So things that you may do um for functional reasons like exercise. You think about how can I do this functional thing in a social way so you have a chance of meeting people. So I will go to the gym and then go at a regular time to see people. Um, I made friends with a woman who I took boxing classes with and took them at the same time. So that kind of became um a friendship. I pursued interests at schools where I used my talents and transferred my skills to teach teachers about data-driven instruction. So I could become part of an education community here and just kind of hop around until I found things. And then what I'm doing now is similar, like in my business world, how can I bring people to me? I'm starting a cafe hop and read group where I like to bottom my book clubs because it feels like more homework, where everyone just kind of brings what they're doing, reads for a little while, does their work for a little while, and then we kind of hang out, you know, and meet each other. So I think you have to be multi-pronged. And then my husband is from here, so there's that family piece, but creating my own community, I think is especially I would say two years is still a short period of time. Just imagine moving away to a different state that you're not from, very thinking about moving to a different country. It's very similar in a lot of ways. So I think it's always being out and about, but also when you get older, realizing it may take longer because people already settled into their routines.

Brian Aquart 17:11

Yeah, I think that's so important. And you know, you raised something something good. I think that's one of the reasons I don't like book clubs, because it feels like homework, you know? It's like I every year I strive to read more. Like I'm a big article junkie, but books, sometimes it's a struggle. But I've always not been a fan of book clubs because it's like, yeah, we're gonna do this chapter by this week. And then it's like, you know, it gets down to the wire. I'm like, oh my God, all right, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. So I you know, in some of the work that I've I've seen of yours, you say all of us have a money story, which I wholeheartedly agree with. What do you mean by that? And how can people begin to uncover their own money story?

Kara Stevens 17:53

Yeah, what I mean by that is that if I were to ask you, Brian, like when you think about money, what are the top three words or phrases or feelings that come to mind? And you'll probably have more than two or three. And I can bet you that each of those feelings or each of those words are attached to some type of memory. And it's a pattern of stories, it's a pattern of memories that lead you to kind of associate money with this thing, this feeling, this idea. And that idea is the seed of a story and a narrative that you tell yourself all the time about what money is and what money isn't. And for a lot of us, the first chapters of that money story are established by people that aren't us, our parents, our religious institutions, media. And if you're not able to filter that through your own values as you get older, you're likely to follow in the same patterns and the same belief systems that these whether individuals or institutions have put forth, but that really rethinking, does this actually serve what I feel what my values are and ultimately what I want to have when it comes to money or anything that's related to money, which is like, you know, options, you know, certain places to live, certain places to be, places to explore, people to be with.

Brian Aquart 19:13

Yeah, and you know, a lot of times with these types of topics, shame and guilt come up with money. And so how do those specific feelings and emotions about money show up specifically for women? And how did those narratives shape your own transition decisions, which you talked a little bit about earlier?

Kara Stevens 19:30

Well, I think especially um for the women that I work with, women I work with are usually women of color and even just women in general, and there are societal expectations, spoken, unspoken, about what money should mean to us at those various levels. And so a lot of it is shame-driven. Um, or we're infantilized in terms of saying, so I can give a couple of examples. Like um, women are taught that talking about money makes you a gold digger, right? And you have messages, especially specifically for women of color, that your money, especially if you're a single black woman, that your money is your family's money, right? You have messages of you can't go out the house looking crazy. So your appearance and how much you spend on how you look is a priority for protection, for a number of things to make sure that you are accepted, you're not rejected. And I think the shame and the guilt come along because what ends up happening is that we hear these stories, we attach them to our self-worth. And then when we don't examine the lack of truth and veracity of those ideas, they continue to guide our behaviors and actions around money, which are really counter to what we actually want to do and what actually we want to have when it comes to money. And then that creates another spiral of guilt because you're not where you want to be, right? One. And then two, there's a disconnect, especially if you're talking this podcast is about professionals. There's a big disconnect between having an impressive resume and having wealth. And a lot of times, people will lead with what they do and the degrees that they have. And then that adds another added layer of shame because their net worth or their income doesn't reflect the level of advancement that they've been able to make, the decisions they've been able to make to advance in their career, go up that ladder or start that business, and it doesn't reflect in their bank account. And so there's a hidden, there's a desire to hide and pretend that things are going well because on the one end, you're a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, a teacher, a principal, an engineer. But when you look inside your behaviors, your beliefs, and your finances, you're still that seven or seventeen year old that still hasn't unpacked the relationships with money that were handed down to you from those various sources that two weren't that informed or financially literate to give you a Solid foundation in order for you to see money as a tool, see it as something positive that can at least neutral, and see it as something that can grow, something that's not meant to be spent only, something that's not meant to be hoarded only, something that doesn't represent who you are. But we don't we don't have those conversations sometimes the more educated we are because we have more to hide, because we feel we have more to lose if someone actually sees that we're struggling in that area.

Brian Aquart 22:25

Yeah, that's a great point. You brought up something that I'd love for you to highlight to the audience here. It's around this lipstick example, right? Could could you walk us through what that means around this lipstick example, specifically around, you know, when people are purchasing things and how their purchase practices show up in life?

Kara Stevens 22:44

I call it the lipstick rule, lipstick phenomenon around what happens when we are in the midst of a recession or we're in the midst of an economic downturn, that the price, I mean, that the consumption of items like lipstick are recession proof because we all need a little, a little fix, a little treat. And when we were having a conversation, I push forth that I think that the desire for us to consume lipstick during periods of recession is a construct. That the same way that we now say, for example, you can liken it to that's for women. So, like women are going to move toward buying beauty products to make themselves feel good. Who said that? Unless it was something that was manufactured and then we bought into that, saying that that is a truth. We it only is because we say it is. But if we don't believe that we have power to deconstruct them, say I wasn't thinking about lipstick before I saw that message, then it's not my message. It's someone else's message that you're trying to persuade me to believe or convince me to believe. And even similarly, look at conversations around, you know, there's a big conversation around lattes and avocado toast. Like, don't tell people not to have their avocado toast or to have their lattes. And I would say, listen, if you have loved lattes before day one, have adder. But what lattes have become have been synonymous with simple luxuries, and who do you think benefits from that idea? Yeah, right?

Brian Aquart 24:10

Yeah, absolutely. The the people who sell them, yeah.

Kara Stevens 24:13

Exactly. And if you would think you weren't thinking about no avocado toast, but now you're really indignant about I'm gonna have this avocado toast to prove that I can have some pleasure and joy. If you weren't thinking about avocado toys toast before the concept of avocado toast came up, are you really, is that really your story? Is that what really gives you the simple pleasure? Because we're talking about simple pleasures, then go back to your values, what actually gives you simple pleasure? It could be knitting, it could be eyebrows, it could be, you know, anything else but the major things that people always go to. If we're all going to it, is it really our desire or is it someone else's that's convinced us and we just happen to copy it? And so, you know, I don't mind me a latte, you know. Quite frankly, I I I like lattes, don't get me wrong. But the idea that stopping people from having lattes or having lipstick or having the avocado toast is just very ironic that we want the same things.

Brian Aquart 25:03

Yeah, I loved it when you brought it up. So I appreciate you bringing that here. Would love to now talk a little bit about your book. So in your book, you talk about healing your relationship with money in 28 days. Give us a maybe let's say day one in two minutes from your 28-day method and a do in a do this or don't do this trap that people uh don't do this trap that people may fall into on day three through seven or something like that.

Kara Stevens 25:28

Yeah. Um day one is really helping you realize that money is not logical only, it's emotional. And being open to opening yourself up to think about those memories that may be uncomfortable or you never thought about, or you know, it may sound a little bit woo-woo. And um, equal parts woo-woo and practical. So it's not something that doesn't have a grounding in psychology or doesn't have a grounding in the lived experience. And so day one is really about hey, do you know that you have emotions around money? And similar to the question that I asked you earlier, what are some of the words or feelings or memories that are your associated with money that are the most salient, the most memorable? Those are the ones that you really want to unpack because those sometimes linger with you as an adult. So I would say, what are the top five memories that come to your mind? How do they make you feel? They make you feel disempowered. Who were the players? Who were, what were the messages that those players gave? And do you still follow those beliefs? Or you have you kind of replace them and swap them out for your own, or have you realized that they were helpful and you you continue with them? And I say the things to avoid is I think for a lot of people, oh, I wish I would have done this earlier, but you didn't. So what? Right? Like if you, if you the concept of feeling your relationship with money comes at 40 versus 20, what are you gonna do? Be mad at yourself for 20 years that you didn't do it? The time is now. So sometimes what I think people do is like they create this another level of shame. I I wish I could have done this further, faster, and earlier. But there's no guarantee that you would be able to accept and do anything with the message until you have all those lived experiences, you know? And so I would say that that's one thing. I think the second thing is reading it and not doing the activities is something I would maybe recommend that you don't do because you get a lot of it's a lot of reflective work. So you get a lot of, you get a lot of reflection and power out of actually doing the work. It's not a passive experience to read through your relationship.

Brian Aquart 27:24

I think that's so that's so true. You know, and also in a lot of your writing, you talk about abundance and self-love as being inseparable from financial health. Can you expand on that connection for the audience?

Kara Stevens 27:34

Yeah, um, I think that when we think about self-love, it's a thing that you experience. A thing uh uh it's a it's I feel like it's a level that you an understanding about what you need, not being afraid to advocate for yourself, which draws a line between what you will and won't allow, right? And so when it comes to someone that experiences self-love or is in the process of of self-love, they look at things that create harm. And this does not mean that you don't make mistakes. We're not talking about mistakes, we're talking about consistent patterns of doing something that will sabotage your happiness, sabotage your success, or sabotage your ability to reach your goals. And so when it comes to an abundance, sometimes abundance is this idea of like having lots of money. But when I talk about the self-loving abundance and healing your relationship with money, a lot of things happen. You don't do certain things anymore. You don't do it for the gram, you don't do it for grandpa, you don't do it for grandma, you don't do it for anybody else because you know that what they believe is not as important as what you believe. And I think part of self-love is being able to establish that everyone has their right to exist and and follow their values as long as it doesn't harm other people, including yourself. And I think that once you're able to establish this level of self-respect, self-care, self-attunment, that how you manage money will benefit from that too. Because not that money is an extension of yourself, but it's a tool to allow you to experience deeper and greater experiences with self-love. Right? You don't want to go into you don't want to have to do with the the harm, the sadness, distress of bankruptcy if you can avoid it, of having a credit card bill go into collections if you can avoid it. And so you start or you know, so all those things are kind of related. And then so what ends up happening is that you you feel a level of abundance. There's probably more money in the bank, there's more things that you're doing that's aligned to your values, you have better boundaries, right? So the things that you don't want are further away from you, the things that you do more are closer to you, and you don't make any apologies for it.

Brian Aquart 29:45

Like that. You know, thinking about uh some lessons learned that you picked up across along the way, looking back, what what's you what would you say is like the hardest belief you had to unlearn about money or success?

Kara Stevens 29:57

Um, I feel like there's still some I'm still unlearning, but I would say that some of the ones that I think that have unlearned is achievement and how much money I have define my worth. Because I think, yeah, I think that similar to what I said, like getting out of debt and then having these numbers in terms of salary, they gave me a temporary sense of self-worth. But then then the di the dopamine left and then it was just regular. So what I have been able to do is respect and acknowledge money for what it can do, but then be very, very clear about what it can't do. Money cannot replace healthy relationships, money cannot replace healthy thoughts. It can give you access to get a therapist to help you. Do you know what I mean? But you can't buy love. No, but you can buy therapy or support to help you better understand yourself, invite people that you care about to repair relationships, but money itself can't do that.

Brian Aquart 30:53

And how has this journey shaped the way you see your own growth now, personally and professionally?

Kara Stevens 30:58

That having left a very structured environment as a a school leader, it I would be honest, it took me time. I wouldn't say grieve being that position, but grieve the structure, grieve the people around me in a lot of ways, but also grieve the idea. I had to my ideas around work had to evolve because for all intents and purposes, when you look at the way I live, I live in Ghana. I so I live in CDs, which is that's the currency. I earn in dollars. So the need I'm from New York. So understanding what I really need to make to live happily and to still establish a solid financial foundation is a fraction of what I would need living in the States. And so that was a big mind warping for me because I don't have anything to push for. Like my needs are met. So then I have to figure out what else, who am I outside of work? Even who am I outside the Frugal Family Sto? Because I had the, I had the being a vice principal, but now I have a new job, which is CEO and founder, but who am I outside of that? And I think that has been a nice journey of self-discovery to up my journey and up my new understanding of what's next for me, what money means for me now, how can I use it better, and what my new values or more pronounced values are now that I'm in a different environment.

Brian Aquart 32:30

Makes a lot of sense. And from for those who are listening, I loved for our guest to give folks advice so that they can move forward. Because a lot of folks, people who listen, mid-career, sometimes later career, maybe thinking about a move, but don't know what to do. And so someone who may feel stuck in financial dysfunction and maybe in a role and obviously having these things play out, what's the first step you tell them to take?

Kara Stevens 32:55

I'm not being funny, but I would say read my book, Here Your Relationship with Money, or something similar to it, um, or get a therapist. If you feel that if it's not an income issue, meaning that you make more than enough money, but there's a gap between where you want to be and how you want to use it, um, getting some type of support is is I think a huge piece. Because I think that similar to what I said, we're we're quite capable, competent, smart people, and we automatically think that's automatically going to transfer to how we manage and energize with money. And that's necessarily so. So I would say first is get help, whether it be in these different levels. So you can get, you know, self-study, a book, you can go to a course where you can have community, you can go to one-on-one, you can get a therapist, then you know, and then all at the same time. So I've I've been in positions where I needed help with something and I got it at all levels because I needed that level of support. So I would say the first thing. Now, the second thing I was if I'm working a nine to five um and I'm thinking about relocating, I would secondly visit the place before I I I can only speak for myself, jumping up and moving to a new place and then being like, oh, psych, I gotta go back. That's not something I'm looking forward to. So I would visit at different times. Um, I will I would try and find community online just to kind of see what the realities of people similar to me are like there, but also kind of take that with a grain of salt because when you get there, you may have your own experiences. And then third, I would kind of create a plan and do a backwards design, including making sure one of the things I did make sure before I left my position as an assistant principal, my mindset, Brian, was I'm leaving here with something, right? And what meant was I'm leaving here with everything. So what I meant by that was I did all the extra overtime I could, made sure my 401k, well, this is a government agency, but whether it be your 401k, your 4B, your TDA is maxed out. So you becoming friends with your HR person to know how much you can put away and sock away for retirement, because in the back of my mind, I may not be in Ghana forever. So if I do return to the States, I still have to live at the quality of life that I had before I left and making sure that those things are in place and that any financial um security or vehicle that is due to me as an employee, I take advantage of it before I go. And then I and then the fourth thing is to run the numbers. So the basics, what do you need to move away? Would you, like say in Ghana, you have to sometimes pay one to two years in advance for housing. And so kind of knowing the rules and ins and outs of the country that you want to go to and what would be the minimum amount that you would need to move but stay abroad for a year just to make sure that you get a chance to adjust. So I would say those four things. And I would say the final thing is what I've done is that I maintain my US accounts, meaning that I still plan as an American, if that makes sense. So my banking, my IRAs, all of my retirement plans, I still contribute to them in the same way that I did when I was an employee. And now I am able to do so with more ease because the change in cost of living. And that gives me a sense of peace because I feel like I can move back and forth without feeling I have to play catch up because of any financial causes or gaps that occurred.

Brian Aquart 36:28

No, I appreciate that. And looking ahead, what kind of impact do you still hope to make in this next phase of your career?

Kara Stevens 36:35

I'm just getting started. I really want to help as many people as I can. I think conversations around money often start at the spreadsheet, or how can I get rich fast? Or you know, it just kind of creates this scarcity and this urgency around money. And I want people to integrate this concept of healing as their way to wealth. That it actually sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. And that for a lot of us who come from humble beginnings, even those of us that came from wealth but have some shame and guilt around it, having a reckoning with those feelings and thoughts are going to be so important if you're going to align your desires with your actions. Because sometimes you can say you want one thing, but then your behaviors are really reflecting what you believe is possible or what you still believe, and just familiar patterns of possible, I wouldn't say this dysfunction is a strong word, but possible patterns of living someone else's narrative versus your own.

Brian Aquart 37:33

Yeah, I love that. And what's one question you have for me that I can hopefully answer?

Kara Stevens 37:39

Brian, um, so what would you say has been your journey with your relationship with money and creating this space for other professionals to think about exiting?

Brian Aquart 37:52

Yeah. So I think my relationship with money, I mean, you had me at Frugal, right? And so I've been so I've I've been frugal for for many a year. I call it fiscally responsible.

Kara Stevens 38:04

Okay.

Brian Aquart 38:04

But uh yeah, so my relationship with money has been has been good. I think my, you know, I developed a a strong relationship with it through my parents, right? And just being like learning about investing, learning about stocks and all those things. At times, I do sometimes feel like it's never it can never be enough, right? Because everything is going up and all of that. But I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with money. As it relates to the show, I think it's interesting how a lot of times you you would think that when people are leaving, that the money conversation would be truthfully top of mind. But as it relates to money and then career transitions, a lot of times, but the the moves that people are making are often not about money. It's not about I need to do this because I need to make more. No, I need to do this from let's go back to some of the things you've been talking about, the humanity piece, right? Around what is it that I like, what are my values, right? That's why I'm looking to leave. And so when I think about the things you talk about and a lot of the themes from the guests, money, of course, is going to be at some point a thought when you transition jobs, especially when you have people who you support, whether it's you're a caregiver, you're a parent, you're a spouse, partner, whatever, that's going to be there. But I've often found it interesting that it's not a lot of people aren't saying, I'm leaving because of the money. You know, as I'm leaving because of the impact. And at times, yes, it can make more money. I've had people leave for less money, but peace of mind. And that is is powerful because oftentimes the narrative is around how, you know, money, money is everything. Money, money, money. But I think a lot of the folks on on the show, I think kind of buck that trend pretty, pretty wholeheartedly.

Kara Stevens 39:51

I think that's wonderful. And I think it really goes to show that there's other things that, like I said, they know what money can and can't do. And I think the other piece that it's just underscoring is sometimes some conversations force you to choose one or the other. And what I'm saying is before you go, make sure as an employee of X amount of time that you're aware of what you can leave with. So whether you decide to take a career break or to move into something that has less income or whatever it is, it really doesn't matter the justification. The the ideas that you work there, these are things that were a provision for you as an employee, that you make sure that as part of your exit strategy, that if even if you choose the peace, choose the joy, choose the humanity, that it doesn't counter being able to have those little systems in place for yourself. Because if you decide to leave that position too, it's just a behavior of relating to how am I organized? Have I thought about all the things before I go? Instead of kind of saying, well, I can't say I can't speak for everyone, but for me is I was very proud of myself that in addition to doing good work, I made sure I was as enriched as I could possibly be from the resources that were available for us as an employee. That makes a lot of sense.

Brian Aquart 41:14

Well, Kara, look, I want to thank you for joining the show today. I'm really so glad we we connected online. It's the power of LinkedIn, of course. So I I appreciate it. And I always have to preface it, I they are not a sponsor at all, but I mean a lot of my guests on LinkedIn. So would love for you to share where our listeners can support you and even buy your book.

Kara Stevens 41:37

Yeah, so here is Heal Your Relationship with Money. Um, the best place to get it quickly is from Amazon. Um, and you can just look at my name or the title of the book. And we can stay connected at the Frugal Feminista and on LinkedIn, Kara Stevens. I do, I'm very active on LinkedIn. And if you wanted a free download of the first three days of Heal Your Relationship with Money, you can go to the Frugal Feminista forward slash community and you can get an immediate access to it.

Brian Aquart 42:04

Awesome. So I will put all of that information in our show notes, and I'll just appreciate you sharing this knowledge. Look, that'll do it for today's episode. Again, I want to thank Kara Stevens, the Frugal Feminista, for joining me today. Hope you all have a great week. Hope you picked up something uh informative, and we'll definitely see you next time. Kara, thank you.

Kara Stevens 42:24

Thank you, Brian.

Brian Aquart 42:25

Thanks for listening to Why I Left. Join us next time for more inspiring stories about growth, resilience, and transformation. Visit us online at www.yileft.co. That's whyileft.co.