Tyler Lynde: So let's just get into this.
Tyler Lynde: Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22, is where we're gonna start.
Tyler Lynde: We're in a sermon series on the book of Ephesians called In Christ.
Tyler Lynde: And we're in the second part of that, which is all about the purpose that we have in Christ.
Tyler Lynde: But we also uh did the first half of Ephesians, which helps us to identify our identity in Christ.
Tyler Lynde: And it is when we know who we are in Christ that we can live out the calling that God has called us to live out with uh with purpose and understanding how we're supposed to do that.
Tyler Lynde: Over the last couple of weeks, we've seen how the Holy Spirit through Paul has been using contrast as a means of making a point about the different ways of living of those who are part of God's kingdom and those who are not, things like don't live this way any longer, but live this way instead, right?
Tyler Lynde: Has that been good?
Tyler Lynde: It's been excellent.
Tyler Lynde: Sometimes we need to hear it that way.
Tyler Lynde: And now the approach changes a little bit in our passage this morning.
Tyler Lynde: It goes from contrast to comparison.
Tyler Lynde: So we're gonna look at comparing some things.
Tyler Lynde: Instead of uh we'll comparison will be employed to teach truth, specifically comparing the way that Christ relates to his church and the way that husbands and wives should relate to each other.
Tyler Lynde: Buckle up, here we go.
Tyler Lynde: So the title of today's passage or sermon is Purposeful Marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Let's read from the Word of God.
Tyler Lynde: Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
Tyler Lynde: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.
Tyler Lynde: Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to ever in everything to their husbands.
Tyler Lynde: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Tyler Lynde: In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
Tyler Lynde: He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Tyler Lynde: Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Tyler Lynde: This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Tyler Lynde: However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Tyler Lynde: Let's pray together.
Tyler Lynde: Father, we are so grateful for your word.
Tyler Lynde: It's wonderful, it's magnificent, it's amazing, it's filled with words of life.
Tyler Lynde: It is Jesus Himself expressed on the page.
Tyler Lynde: And so, Lord, we ask that as we digest your word today, that it would go down deep into the good soil of our hearts, that it would uh grow within our hearts and be watered by the Holy Spirit and produce the desired results that you desire for it to produce.
Tyler Lynde: We ask that you'd help us to have ears to hear what the Spirit is saying this morning.
Tyler Lynde: In the areas where we need to change, Father, we ask that you would help us to have the grace for change.
Tyler Lynde: And Lord, more than anything else, help us to be your followers and to obey you, not because we have to, but because we want to in Jesus' name.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.
Tyler Lynde: I want to start this message by saying something to my beautiful wife of 33 years, Amy.
Tyler Lynde: And that is that after my relationship with Jesus, she is the most important thing to me.
Tyler Lynde: She is such an amazing example of Christ-likeness and encourages me in my own walk with the Lord every single day.
Tyler Lynde: And I love her for it.
Tyler Lynde: She's my best friend and the love of my life.
Tyler Lynde: This lady right here.
Tyler Lynde: She's the magnificent mother of our four children, one of which is graduating this next week.
Tyler Lynde: And she uh her legacy continues into the next generation as she loves our grandchildren fiercely and also works tirelessly, tirelessly to encourage young moms in this church and beyond this church on their jury.
Tyler Lynde: She is, in the simplest way I can say it, she's simply the best.
Tyler Lynde: She's simply the best.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.
Tyler Lynde: Yeah.
Tyler Lynde: Thank you.
Tyler Lynde: I appreciate it.
Tyler Lynde: It's absolutely true.
Tyler Lynde: But before we get into the nuts and bolts of the marriage part of this passage, I want us to look at a few things and understand them.
Tyler Lynde: These are important to remember and focus and focus in on as we move into the practical parts of this message.
Tyler Lynde: So let's look at this.
Tyler Lynde: We can't properly obey the scriptures unless we are born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: So many times people read the Bible or they have people read the Bible to them or tell them about what the Bible says, and the issue that comes from that is that they can't fulfill it.
Tyler Lynde: They don't know how to walk it out.
Tyler Lynde: And the reason is because they're not born again.
Tyler Lynde: They're not born again, and they're not filled with the Holy Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: In this passage, even in the process of making points on marriage that Paul does through the work of the Holy Spirit, the preeminence of the relationship between Christ and his church is undeniable.
Tyler Lynde: It's the very foundation of this passage itself.
Tyler Lynde: Let's not miss that in our desire to understand how to be better wives and be better husbands.
Tyler Lynde: Christ and his church is preeminent in this passage.
Tyler Lynde: Jesus loves his church.
Tyler Lynde: He calls his church his bride.
Tyler Lynde: I described in just a few words the way I feel about my bride.
Tyler Lynde: And I promise you, the way that he feels about his bride, it far outweighs and outshines the way that I am in the English language, which feels very restrictive at times.
Tyler Lynde: The way that I'm able to express the way I feel about my bride, Jesus loves his bride even that much more.
Tyler Lynde: He loves us.
Tyler Lynde: He gave himself for her.
Tyler Lynde: He makes her holy.
Tyler Lynde: This is all found in this passage that we're reading this morning.
Tyler Lynde: He gave himself up for her, he makes her holy.
Tyler Lynde: And someday he will glorify her.
Tyler Lynde: When he returns to this earth, he's going to change us.
Tyler Lynde: We're going to be made like him.
Tyler Lynde: We're going to be glorified, and we are going to be perfect as he is perfect, so that we can be with him forever.
Tyler Lynde: This is the good news and the gospel of Jesus Christ that is found embedded in every scripture, in every passage, in every book of the Bible.
Tyler Lynde: And this is the truth that is the foundation of our lives.
Tyler Lynde: Am I right?
Tyler Lynde: The second aspect is we must acknowledge our sin and need for a savior.
Tyler Lynde: It's not enough to have a mental ascent or to agree that what I just said is true.
Tyler Lynde: We must repent, which means to turn away from our sin and to turn toward God.
Tyler Lynde: We must believe on the Lord Jesus, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived a perfect life, that he took our sins upon himself as he died upon the cross that we deserved, that he was buried for three days, and then he rose again from the dead.
Tyler Lynde: And when we believe out of a sincere heart and confess Jesus as our Savior and Lord, the scripture tells us that we are saved.
Tyler Lynde: How many of you this morning can say that that's your story, that you are born again?
Tyler Lynde: Thank God.
Tyler Lynde: And if you're not yet, I'm telling you, don't leave this service today without taking advantage of this opportunity.
Tyler Lynde: Take advantage of it and be born again.
Tyler Lynde: Water baptism is a part of this, this whole passage as well.
Tyler Lynde: It is the outward expression of what God has done on the inside of a believer.
Tyler Lynde: And we are going to have this class on May the 20th, and the baptism will be on the last Sunday.
Tyler Lynde: I think it's the 31st of May.
Tyler Lynde: So we encourage you to be involved in that if you have not yet done that.
Tyler Lynde: Ephesians 5.18, which is just a few verses before our passage, also tells us that we should be being filled with the Holy Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: So we need the initial experience with the Holy Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: We need a secondary experience with the Holy Spirit, and we need it every day, more and more and more filling of the Holy Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: He dwells within us, giving us the ability to walk in God's ways and empowering us to obey Him.
Tyler Lynde: How many of you tried to be a good person before you had the Holy Spirit?
Tyler Lynde: And how did that work for you?
Tyler Lynde: Even if you tried and you did all the right things, how many of you know the attitude of our hearts was still wrong?
Tyler Lynde: So we cannot be good, we cannot walk in God's ways, we cannot obey Him without the work of the Spirit.
Tyler Lynde: It's in that context that the passage that we are studying is framed.
Tyler Lynde: It's all in there.
Tyler Lynde: We will not have healthy marriages without the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
Tyler Lynde: It just won't happen.
Tyler Lynde: We need the Holy Spirit in our lives.
Tyler Lynde: So let's now turn our attention to marriage, and that's what we're going to focus on for the next few minutes.
Tyler Lynde: And this passage actually quotes Genesis chapter 2, 24.
Tyler Lynde: And I want to read the context of that verse so that we can get a thorough understanding of the fact that marriage is God's idea.
Tyler Lynde: It says in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, and remember that all of the earth had just been created by the word of God, right?
Tyler Lynde: The Spirit was hovering over the waters, and God spoke, and all of these things began to happen.
Tyler Lynde: And the last created being was Adam.
Tyler Lynde: God created him out of dirt and breathed into him the breath of life, and he became a living soul.
Tyler Lynde: And then Adam began to work for God.
Tyler Lynde: He began to name the animals and go around and see all of the God's creation and become a caretaker of those things.
Tyler Lynde: And then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone.
Tyler Lynde: Wait for it, wait for it.
Tyler Lynde: Thank you.
Tyler Lynde: I'm trying to help you out from the very beginning, guys.
Tyler Lynde: It's not good that the man should be alone.
Tyler Lynde: I will make him a helper fit for him.
Tyler Lynde: Now, out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them.
Tyler Lynde: And whatever the man called, every living creature, that was its name.
Tyler Lynde: The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the heavens, to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.
Tyler Lynde: And Derek reminded me this morning that word helper there is not secondary.
Tyler Lynde: It's not something that's uh that's to be looked down upon.
Tyler Lynde: God himself calls us, that he says about himself that he is our helper, right?
Tyler Lynde: So that's a positive word.
Tyler Lynde: It found a helper fit for him.
Tyler Lynde: So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed up his place with flesh.
Tyler Lynde: And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
Tyler Lynde: Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.
Tyler Lynde: Therefore, this is the verse that was in our passage, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Tyler Lynde: And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Tyler Lynde: Now, whenever I do a wedding and I read this passage, I have three jokes that go along with it.
Tyler Lynde: But I'm gonna just move past all of that this morning.
Tyler Lynde: I'm attempting to grow up a little bit and to mature as a man.
Tyler Lynde: So uh so if you want the jokes, come to me later and I'll tell you about them, okay?
Tyler Lynde: They're pretty good.
Tyler Lynde: But anyway, moving on.
Tyler Lynde: Here's the point that I want you to get from this man did not create marriage.
Tyler Lynde: It was not man's idea, it was not woman's idea.
Tyler Lynde: God created marriage, it was his idea, and so therefore, he alone is qualified to speak to its purpose and its definition.
Tyler Lynde: Do you agree with that?
Tyler Lynde: If God created it, if it's God's idea, then he gets to determine the definition of it, what it is, what it means, and what it looks like.
Tyler Lynde: And so I'm gonna give you a very narrow definition for marriage.
Tyler Lynde: And I believe that this is God's definition of marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Marriage is intended by God to be enjoyed between one man and one woman for life.
Tyler Lynde: Let me read that again.
Tyler Lynde: Marriage is intended by God to be enjoyed between one man and one woman for life.
Tyler Lynde: Now, before everybody gets upset with me, I understand that there are exceptions to this.
Tyler Lynde: There are a lot of things that happen in life, right?
Tyler Lynde: There are spouses that pass away, and obviously this is, I'm saying, for life, right?
Tyler Lynde: So there are there are marriages that happen out of that.
Tyler Lynde: There are divorce situations that happen before before you were saved, or lots of different scenarios.
Tyler Lynde: So I'm not trying to uh to discount your personal experience, but we can't leave the ideal out of its perfect its proper place just because we live in a fallen world and we have these experiences that don't match the ideal, right?
Tyler Lynde: We in other words, if we're teaching our children and grandchildren what marriage is, what do we want to teach them?
Tyler Lynde: We want to teach them this right here, because this is what God says about it.
Tyler Lynde: I know that uh again, there are exceptions, um, but those exceptions shouldn't take away from God's ideal when it comes to marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Think about the vows that each and every one of us spoke in our wedding ceremonies.
Tyler Lynde: Many of these very words were included in the vows that we spoke to each other, right?
Tyler Lynde: And so even humanity, humankind has adopted some of God's verbiage when it comes to marriage and what it is.
Tyler Lynde: So God wants to have a role in your marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Not only is marriage God's idea, but he wants to have a role in it.
Tyler Lynde: He wants to have a part in it.
Tyler Lynde: Ecclesiastes 4 12, and though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.
Tyler Lynde: A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Tyler Lynde: So, what do you have what do you have to have in order to have a healthy marriage?
Tyler Lynde: You have to have a husband, you have to have a wife, and the third element is God.
Tyler Lynde: God, you know the difference between a promise and a covenant?
Tyler Lynde: A promise can be made between two people, but a covenant involves a third.
Tyler Lynde: A covenant is a spiritual word, it's a God-ordained word, and it's a word that includes God in the mix.
Tyler Lynde: If we are to have healthy marriages, they will not occur just by the two of us trying to figure it out.
Tyler Lynde: We must include God as that threefold cord, which is not easily broken.
Tyler Lynde: The foolish man builds his house on the sand, and the winds and the waves destroy it.
Tyler Lynde: And in a similar way, marriage without God as a part of it is destined for trouble.
Tyler Lynde: It is destined for trouble and ultimate destruction.
Tyler Lynde: So let us embrace God as the anchor of our marriages.
Tyler Lynde: This is good news that he wants to be a part of our marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.
Tyler Lynde: Um, and the third thing here is we are called to be disciples of Christ in our marriage.
Tyler Lynde: We are called to be disciples of Christ.
Tyler Lynde: Before we talk about the roles of wives and the roles of husbands, we need to understand that the underlying idea needs to be that we need to be disciples of Jesus Christ.
Tyler Lynde: And as we are disciples of Jesus Christ, every area of our lives is affected by that, including our marriages.
Tyler Lynde: And the verse just before 22 is verse 21 in Ephesians 5.
Tyler Lynde: It says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Tyler Lynde: You know, Jesus himself showed us what it looks like to rock to walk in proper submission.
Tyler Lynde: How did he do that?
Tyler Lynde: While he was on this earth, everything that he said and everything that he did was according to what?
Tyler Lynde: His father's will.
Tyler Lynde: He was submitted, even though Jesus was God and could consider himself as God, he lowered himself, he humbled himself, and he submitted himself to his heavenly father to accomplish his will here in this earth.
Tyler Lynde: We in turn, as followers of Jesus Christ, are to live lives as his disciples.
Tyler Lynde: Listen to this beautiful phrasing.
Tyler Lynde: The beauty, excellence, and fulfillment of your marriage is directly proportional to the degree of submission to the lordship of Jesus and obedience to his word walked out by both marriage partners.
Tyler Lynde: Let me repeat that one more time.
Tyler Lynde: The beauty, excellence, and fulfillment of your marriage is directly proportional to the degree of submission to the Lordship of Jesus and obedience to his word walked out by both marriage partners.
Tyler Lynde: In other words, a true disciple makes a great spouse.
Tyler Lynde: A true disciple of Jesus Christ makes a great spouse.
Tyler Lynde: Now we know, according to the passage that we read this morning, that there are specific roles that God intends for husbands and wives to fulfill.
Tyler Lynde: And we're going to talk about that for the remainder of our time together this morning.
Tyler Lynde: You know, when I've counseled people through the years, what would you guess would be the number one problem in marriages?
Tyler Lynde: And I've been in ministry now for 33 years.
Tyler Lynde: What do you think the number now we could think of a lot of symptoms?
Tyler Lynde: We could talk about a lot of symptoms.
Tyler Lynde: What do you think is the overarching problem?
Tyler Lynde: Yeah, communication, you could name a lot of different ones.
Tyler Lynde: I believe that the way I can describe it best is unmet expectations.
Tyler Lynde: Unmet expectations.
Tyler Lynde: In other words, one or both of the individuals had expectations concerning the marriage and especially concerning the way that their spouse was going to be.
Tyler Lynde: Am I right?
Tyler Lynde: We had thoughts, we had vision, we had uh an imagination concerning the way that our wife would be or the way that the husband would be, right?
Tyler Lynde: And so when that doesn't pan out the way that we thought that it was going to pan out, we begin to do what?
Tyler Lynde: We begin to attempt to create in them the ability to meet our expectations.
Tyler Lynde: And I've said this already, but how's that working for you?
Tyler Lynde: How many of you have been able to change your spouse?
Tyler Lynde: If you have, would you please come up and take the microphone and share it with the rest of the audience?
Tyler Lynde: Because the reality is I can't change anybody.
Tyler Lynde: But by God's grace, myself.
Tyler Lynde: Here's the issue.
Tyler Lynde: The problem with marriage is almost always we're looking at what the other person is doing wrong and judging that instead of looking at our own hearts, looking at our own actions, looking at our own words, looking at our own ways of doing things and considering that.
Tyler Lynde: If we began to live in that way instead, how many of you know things would change dramatically?
Tyler Lynde: There's a wrong mindset when it comes to trying to change your spouse.
Tyler Lynde: Wives should purpose to live in godly submission, and husbands should purpose to love their wives as Christ loves his church, according to this passage.
Tyler Lynde: That's the way that we're supposed to live.
Tyler Lynde: But each one of us should individually be working on these things for ourselves and not trying always to change the other person.
Tyler Lynde: I get so tired of hearing husbands say things like, Submit, woman.
Tyler Lynde: Oh, there's no man in this room that would ever say that.
Tyler Lynde: You turn the you turn the phones off, you get in a room with just the two of them, and the wife is saying something that the husband doesn't feel like is appropriate, and all of a sudden he lets loose on her.
Tyler Lynde: He may not use that word, but he'll use something like it.
Tyler Lynde: And wives in turn will say, Why don't you love me?
Tyler Lynde: And I'm not making fun of emotion, I'm not trying to do anything like that.
Tyler Lynde: But it's the same thing.
Tyler Lynde: It's the wife trying to get the husband to be to her what she needs.
Tyler Lynde: How many of you know, as disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to honor him, we are to follow him, and we're supposed to act like him.
Tyler Lynde: This whole passage, even the way that we respond to each other.
Tyler Lynde: Is based on the fact that we are submitted to the Lord and we're responding to Him and His Lordship and we're living out in our marriage the roles that He has showed us how to live.
Tyler Lynde: He's shown us how to be the proper husband and how to be the proper wife.
Tyler Lynde: When we choose to do things God's way, guess what?
Tyler Lynde: He is glorified.
Tyler Lynde: Our lives are more fulfilled, and we are able to exemplify for the world what the relationship between Christ and his church looks like.
Tyler Lynde: And that is ultimately what God intends for us as believers to do, right?
Tyler Lynde: So let's get into the very depths of this.
Tyler Lynde: It says that wives are called to submit to and respect their husbands.
Tyler Lynde: Let's read that again.
Tyler Lynde: Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.
Tyler Lynde: Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Tyler Lynde: Now I know that the word submit can have some negative connotations, especially in places like I mentioned before, where people have used it to be abusive to their spouse.
Tyler Lynde: We're not talking about that.
Tyler Lynde: Obviously, God is not talking about that.
Tyler Lynde: God is not pleased with any form of abuse.
Tyler Lynde: Okay?
Tyler Lynde: Let me say it as clearly as I can.
Tyler Lynde: We are never required to submit to anything that goes against God's word.
Tyler Lynde: So, ladies, if your husbands, and I pray that this would never happen, but they if they ask you or demand for you to do something that is against God's word, you can lovingly say, I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
Tyler Lynde: I can't do that.
Tyler Lynde: Now, my beautiful wife that I spoke about earlier is going to come and share for a few minutes about this topic of biblical roles for the wife.
Amy Lynde: Good morning.
Amy Lynde: I just want to um remind the women that the word of God is like a love letter to his daughters, right?
Amy Lynde: We are his daughters, and it's a heavenly father who loves us and created us, and he's speaking these things to us.
Amy Lynde: So another way I like to look at the word submit is also to yield.
Amy Lynde: And when we submit to God, we are committing to his greater purpose.
Amy Lynde: Obeying God requires us to yield to our husband's godly leadership.
Amy Lynde: And when we do that, we reflect his will, his word, and his purposes on this earth.
Amy Lynde: We're a testimony then to the kingdom of God.
Amy Lynde: Submitting to your husband looks like letting him lead.
Amy Lynde: I just went to the ballet recently, and so I'm gonna use a dance analogy, so stay there with me.
Amy Lynde: But when you have a man or a man and a woman duo, and I think they'll be showing a picture soon of from a favorite movie of White Christmas, but when you have a man and a woman duo, they are working as a team, and the man is the lead, he sets the tempo, he navigates the team, he doesn't force the follower, but he does so by his physical strength and by gentle, just simple touches.
Amy Lynde: He initiates and decides the steps.
Amy Lynde: Now, when there is a mistake in the dance, healthy dance partners do not blame one another.
Amy Lynde: If the error is made, it is considered a breach of etiquette and can destroy the partner's confidence.
Amy Lynde: You f you fail as a team, you succeed as a team.
Amy Lynde: In marriage, you succeed as a team or you fail as a team.
Amy Lynde: And we thrive in our marriages when we both recognize one leader.
Amy Lynde: Men and women are made in the image of God.
Amy Lynde: We have equal value, and it is the husband's responsibility and privilege to lead his wife.
Amy Lynde: The submission of wives, though, is not like the obedience of children, nor does it command all women to submit to all men.
Amy Lynde: A wife is called to submit to her own husband, and he should be respected as the head of the home.
Amy Lynde: There was a time in our lives where we were going through a lot.
Amy Lynde: All the kids were at home, a lot of good things were happening, a lot of not great things were happening, and what seemed like was totally out of the blue.
Amy Lynde: Tyler's like, we need to, I think we need to do this.
Amy Lynde: And I was like, I don't know.
Amy Lynde: It was a huge change, it was a huge decision, and it wasn't in like the life plans, and it was like a huge decision.
Amy Lynde: And I just had to step back and just trust in his leadership.
Amy Lynde: Well, let me tell you, he did hear from God, and it ended up being a decision that protected our family from more destruction and more harm.
Amy Lynde: And I just thank God for his leadership.
Amy Lynde: Submitting to your husband is your pre God's protection over women, and it's not his punishment.
Amy Lynde: As we submit to the to the marriage relationship, it builds the health of us.
Amy Lynde: Um, a wife should be trusting in her husband, and she can trust when she feels safe and loved.
Amy Lynde: And godly submission keeps a wife's heart from stumbling into pride.
Amy Lynde: Thus, I'm honoring my relationship with the Lord because I'm staying out of pride.
Amy Lynde: I'm submitted to his leadership.
Amy Lynde: Next, yielding your husband looks like prioritizing him.
Amy Lynde: Marriage is not just a commitment, but a precious priority.
Amy Lynde: I try and look at the calendar and see what busy days are Tyler's busy days, and I try and make sure after he's had a long day, I'm at home and I have dinner ready and I just can spend some time.
Amy Lynde: I'm just not out gallivanting with girlfriends and just not prioritizing time with him.
Amy Lynde: And that's just something we do.
Amy Lynde: We always try and keep that in consideration.
Amy Lynde: But we prioritize what holds value to us.
Amy Lynde: A wife can prioritize her husband by valuing what he values and giving preference to him in that way.
Amy Lynde: For some, that may mean maybe a wife has been working for a long time and all of a sudden, out of the blue, he says, I really feel like the kids need you at home right now, and she needs to do that.
Amy Lynde: Um a wife can yield her time and attention to many things, but we when we obey God's way, we flourish.
Amy Lynde: And respecting your husband looks like celebrating him.
Amy Lynde: So this is kind of you unmarried or you're hoping to be married one day, pay attention to this part two.
Amy Lynde: Um, I always told my daughter when she was looking for a mate to get out a magnifying glass and to look and see the character traits, the qualities, the authenticity of the person she was considering.
Amy Lynde: But once you decide to get married, you lay that magnifying glass down.
Amy Lynde: Or maybe you need to break it so you don't pick it up again, right?
Amy Lynde: And instead, you need to pick up a mirror and evaluate what's in your life that you need to change.
Amy Lynde: I will grow in the marriage, and as a woman who fears the Lord, when I take what I need to and repent of and focus on that.
Amy Lynde: So I can show respect also by focusing on the most excellent qualities of my husband.
Amy Lynde: Philippians 4 8.
Amy Lynde: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Amy Lynde: You will find what you are looking for.
Amy Lynde: And you can a wife can take control over her thoughts that are trying to pull her down to see the negative things in her husband and choose her thought patterns to think on Philippians 4:8.
Amy Lynde: What is the one thing lovely?
Amy Lynde: What is the one thing commendable?
Amy Lynde: Focus on the awesome qualities that the husband exemplifies.
Amy Lynde: A key to contentment is thankfulness.
Amy Lynde: I'm big on this.
Amy Lynde: Be thankful.
Amy Lynde: You always have something to be thankful for.
Amy Lynde: And if you are finding more reasons or really excuses to not submit than you are to submit, you may be looking with a magnifying glass and not the mirror.
Amy Lynde: A wife can celebrate her husband by seeing and focusing on the strengths of her spouse.
Amy Lynde: Let's not focus on the weakness.
Amy Lynde: Let's focus on the strengths, ladies.
Amy Lynde: A wife should praise her husband to him and to others.
Amy Lynde: Blessings and cursings should not come from the same mouth.
Amy Lynde: We are called to be a people of blessing, and a wife should bless her husband to his face and behind his back.
Amy Lynde: Don't be talking about your husband negatively behind his back to your girlfriends.
Amy Lynde: Speak kindly of him, honor him, and praise him.
Amy Lynde: And when that is done, the heart of her husband can trust in her.
Amy Lynde: He feels safe, he feels honored.
Amy Lynde: A wife can also celebrate her husband with physical intimacy.
Amy Lynde: It is good to feel wanted and needed, and both partners can benefit in the marriage in oneness.
Amy Lynde: It can provide great fulfillment when it is done out of desire and not just obligation.
Amy Lynde: And I just want to thank God that He has given me the kind of husband that has loved me like Christ because I feel like I have flourished and been able to see my dreams come true by being with my children, seeing grandchildren, and loving the Lord together.
Amy Lynde: And I am honored to do this dance of life with you.
Tyler Lynde: Wow.
Tyler Lynde: Listen, I honestly really messed up.
Tyler Lynde: We're gonna move forward.
Tyler Lynde: We're gonna finish this out.
Tyler Lynde: We're gonna get her done.
Tyler Lynde: Yeah.
Tyler Lynde: Thank you for sharing.
Tyler Lynde: That was all from her heart.
Tyler Lynde: I didn't write any of that.
Tyler Lynde: That was all her, and I appreciate it very much.
Tyler Lynde: So let's turn the page now to husbands and let's talk about us for a few minutes, guys.
Tyler Lynde: Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.
Tyler Lynde: It's the truth.
Tyler Lynde: It's interesting that the Greek word here for love is not friendship, although friendship's important.
Tyler Lynde: It's not eros or intimacy, although that's very important.
Tyler Lynde: It's agapeo, which is the God kind of love.
Tyler Lynde: It's pure, it's unconditional.
Tyler Lynde: It is always seeing the best and seeking the best for others.
Tyler Lynde: It is a high calling and one that can only be accomplished with the grace of God in our lives, right?
Tyler Lynde: Um, so let's talk about loving your wife.
Tyler Lynde: What does that look like?
Tyler Lynde: Just three things, and we'll be finished here.
Tyler Lynde: The first thing is loving your wife looks like sacrifice.
Tyler Lynde: It looks like sacrifice.
Tyler Lynde: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Tyler Lynde: Jesus is the ultimate example of sacrifice.
Tyler Lynde: If I were to ask the question of the married men this morning, would you be willing to take a bullet for your wife?
Tyler Lynde: Many of you would quickly raise your hand or stand up.
Tyler Lynde: And those who didn't would look at your wife and have realized that you needed to raise your hand or stand up.
Tyler Lynde: And you would do that, right?
Tyler Lynde: So, I mean, that is a manly thing.
Tyler Lynde: I'm not joking.
Tyler Lynde: That is a very manly, noble, uh, chivalrous type of mindset and thing.
Tyler Lynde: And I applaud you for that.
Tyler Lynde: I applaud you for it.
Tyler Lynde: That's a good thing.
Tyler Lynde: But many men, the same men who would say yes to that, are not willing to sacrifice anything in their own personal lives on a daily basis in order to properly love their wives.
Tyler Lynde: They're not willing to meet their wives even halfway.
Tyler Lynde: They refuse to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Tyler Lynde: So the real question I have for us, men, is what of ourselves are we willing to give up in order to love our wives well?
Tyler Lynde: What is it that we're willing to lay down?
Tyler Lynde: What are we willing to sacrifice?
Tyler Lynde: Are we willing to put away childish ways?
Tyler Lynde: Can I just be honest, men?
Tyler Lynde: We need to grow up.
Tyler Lynde: And I'm 53 years old and I'm talking about myself.
Tyler Lynde: We need to grow up, right?
Tyler Lynde: I remember years ago I was addicted to Candy Crush, and I've told this story before.
Tyler Lynde: And my wife was trying to tell me something really important, and I was, uh-huh.
Tyler Lynde: Yeah, as I was playing Candy Crush on my phone.
Tyler Lynde: And she said to me, I need you to listen with your eyes, not just your ears.
Tyler Lynde: And I laid my phone down and I looked at her and I said, Yes, dear.
Tyler Lynde: Which, by the way, gentlemen, yes, dear is a phrase that you need to know and learn.
Tyler Lynde: Put it in your reminders, whatever it is.
Tyler Lynde: But yeah, so it's important for us to understand that there's some childish things that we would like to carry on for the rest of our lives that we need to lay down.
Tyler Lynde: Sacrifice looks like growing up.
Tyler Lynde: Sacrifice might be laying down solo plans.
Tyler Lynde: There are some men who want to keep a separate calendar from their wives or from their family.
Tyler Lynde: And it's not that we can't do things outside of our family.
Tyler Lynde: It's important for us to have friendships and other things like that.
Tyler Lynde: But those things should be done in concert with our wives and not, you know, keeping her aside or keeping her out of those kinds of plans.
Tyler Lynde: How about spending habits?
Tyler Lynde: How many of our wives have to ask us about what we spent money on because we haven't come clean with that?
Tyler Lynde: We haven't been honest with each other about that.
Tyler Lynde: We need to be, we need to grow up again as husbands.
Tyler Lynde: See, the question is, are we willing to lovingly lead our wife by encouraging her to follow Christ as we set an example for her of what it looks like to follow Christ?
Tyler Lynde: I'm sick and tired of the American church in the sense that it has it has pushed on women the need to lead spiritually in every aspect of life when God Himself created it for us to bear that burden, men.
Tyler Lynde: And yet we we easily, quickly relegate that to the wives or the women that are in our lives.
Tyler Lynde: It's time to not only grow up, it's time to step up.
Tyler Lynde: It's time to step up as men and to begin to follow Christ for real and to show our wives and our children what it looks like to be a fully fledged follower of Jesus Christ.
Tyler Lynde: The sacrifice required isn't as much about being a husband, honestly, as being a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Tyler Lynde: If we are disciple of Jesus Christ, the husband part will come almost naturally.
Tyler Lynde: Almost naturally.
Tyler Lynde: How can I encourage you, right?
Tyler Lynde: And we should also be able to say to our of our families, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Tyler Lynde: Men, can you imagine the generations that would be affected if we rose up and began to actually live like this?
Tyler Lynde: And we can.
Tyler Lynde: We can do it.
Tyler Lynde: They were encouraged to do it in the first century, and they did it.
Tyler Lynde: They learned to do it.
Tyler Lynde: This is God's design.
Tyler Lynde: It's actually, when we get involved in it and the grace of God is there for us, it actually is much better and much easier than living life the other way.
Tyler Lynde: Living life for ourselves, living lives self-centered and selfishly.
Tyler Lynde: It's time to move beyond that and to live up to the expectation of Christ that's placed upon us based upon his example to us.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.
Tyler Lynde: Secondly, loving your wife looks like tender care.
Tyler Lynde: Well, I like the, you know, I'll take a bullet for her, but I have to be tender.
Tyler Lynde: That's feminine.
Tyler Lynde: That's a feminine quality, guys.
Tyler Lynde: Come on.
Tyler Lynde: It is not just a feminine quality.
Tyler Lynde: This is a characteristic of God.
Tyler Lynde: How many of you men rely upon the tender care of your heavenly Father to provide you what you need to be able to live this life?
Tyler Lynde: How many of us rely upon the mercy of God and his loving kindness and his tenderness?
Tyler Lynde: Are you going to say that God Himself is not, you know, strong enough because he has those kinds of rising emotions and feelings that Jesus himself had compassion on the crowds, that he was moved in his heart for people?
Tyler Lynde: We need to have tender care.
Tyler Lynde: We need to show tenderness and tender care to our wives.
Tyler Lynde: When you get with your buddies, do the hoo-hoo-hoo stuff.
Tyler Lynde: But when you get with your wife, it needs to be more, it needs to be more refined and gentle.
Tyler Lynde: This tender care can look like a lot of things.
Tyler Lynde: It can look like protection.
Tyler Lynde: It can look like provision.
Tyler Lynde: Gentlemen, our wives should never have to worry about whether or not we're going to do everything we possibly can to provide for the needs of our family.
Tyler Lynde: It shouldn't even be a second thought for them.
Tyler Lynde: They should know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Tyler Lynde: They should be able to say, My husband is willing to work two jobs, three jobs, whatever it takes to make sure that our family is taken care of.
Tyler Lynde: It's time to step up.
Tyler Lynde: It can look like provision.
Tyler Lynde: It can look like encouragement.
Tyler Lynde: Sometimes your wife just needs you to say, you're gonna make it.
Tyler Lynde: It's okay.
Tyler Lynde: She needs to know that you're rooting for her.
Tyler Lynde: You want her to root for you, and that's a Amy just mentioned that.
Tyler Lynde: That's a proper thing, right?
Tyler Lynde: We need to root for her.
Tyler Lynde: We need to encourage her.
Tyler Lynde: I've adopted a motto early on in our marriage, and it has served me well.
Tyler Lynde: And it's just the simple saying, I live to give.
Tyler Lynde: I live to give.
Tyler Lynde: And all of us will adopt that motto.
Tyler Lynde: And I I heard that from somebody else.
Tyler Lynde: I can't even remember who told who I heard it from, but you can carry it on.
Tyler Lynde: I live to give.
Tyler Lynde: And if we learn to live that way, to live sacrificially, to live with tender care for our wives, I promise you your marriage is going to increase and improve exponentially.
Tyler Lynde: Tender care entails watching over her spirit, soul, and body, being there for her, protecting her, caring for her.
Tyler Lynde: We are called to work at understanding the difficulties that are uniquely experienced by our wives.
Tyler Lynde: Gentlemen, if you don't know it yet, our wives have a harder time at life a lot of times than we do.
Tyler Lynde: And if you don't believe me, let's just talk about a certain time of the month.
Tyler Lynde: How many of us as men could endure what they endure every month?
Tyler Lynde: Cannot believe I just said that out loud, but it's true.
Tyler Lynde: It's true.
Tyler Lynde: 1 Peter 3, 7 says, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the women as the weaker vessel.
Tyler Lynde: Not that you're to look down upon her, but you are to understand that there's a special role that you and I play as husbands.
Tyler Lynde: We get to uplift and uphold our wives, to protect them, to watch over them, to treat Treasure them, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Tyler Lynde: God takes this very seriously, and so should we.
Tyler Lynde: It is my privilege and responsibility to love my wife well, even when it feels like I can't understand her.
Tyler Lynde: I have no idea what she's going through.
Tyler Lynde: I don't know what she just said.
Tyler Lynde: I have no idea what she's feeling.
Tyler Lynde: I'm trying to interpret this.
Tyler Lynde: I wish somebody would come up with a Google app that would help us, gentlemen, to be able to understand.
Tyler Lynde: But you know what?
Tyler Lynde: You can be understanding even when you don't understand.
Tyler Lynde: Sometimes my wife just needs a hug.
Tyler Lynde: Sometimes she just needs me to say it's gonna be okay.
Tyler Lynde: Sometimes she needs me to say to her, Have you prayed about that?
Tyler Lynde: Can I pray for you?
Tyler Lynde: Right?
Tyler Lynde: She should always feel safe, treasured, and well cared for by me.
Tyler Lynde: I remember another thing that Amy will say to me at times when I'm getting a little too riley, is she will say, I'm not your brother.
Tyler Lynde: If you want to wrestle, if you want to fight, if you want to talk like that and be, you know, sarcastic, whatever the case is, go deal with your brother.
Tyler Lynde: I'm not your brother.
Tyler Lynde: She doesn't say that very often, but whatever she does, she's right.
Tyler Lynde: She's right.
Tyler Lynde: And finally, loving your wife looks like partnership.
Tyler Lynde: It looks like partnership.
Tyler Lynde: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
Tyler Lynde: He who loves his wife loves himself.
Tyler Lynde: For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Tyler Lynde: Now, I'm not going to take offense at God, although I wanted to when I read this passage again, because he's sort of not making fun of us, but he's saying something that's that's a little bit off-putting.
Tyler Lynde: He's basically saying, hey guys, you know how to love yourselves, right?
Tyler Lynde: And we do.
Tyler Lynde: We know how to feed ourselves the way we want to be fed, we know how to drive the way we want to drive, we know how to play the way we want to play, we know how to all of those things.
Tyler Lynde: He's saying, if you know how to love yourself well, then you should learn how to love her as well.
Tyler Lynde: Right?
Tyler Lynde: It should be easy to do that.
Tyler Lynde: She's not lesser than you, and actually, she completes you in many ways.
Tyler Lynde: You notice that Adam was made out of the dirt of the ground, and Eve was made out of one of Adam's ribs.
Tyler Lynde: We belong together, we complete each other.
Tyler Lynde: There's a partnership that's going on between us.
Tyler Lynde: We should appreciate the gifts that our wife has to offer, and we should lean on them in areas where we are not gifted.
Tyler Lynde: Here's the reality in our household.
Tyler Lynde: You do not want me handling the finances.
Tyler Lynde: It's not that I'm gonna blow them, you know, necessarily, although I would buy some things that would end up either not being used or in the garage somewhere, right?
Tyler Lynde: But um I need my wife because she is gifted in the area of finances and she understands how everything needs to work, and so she handles those things for our family.
Tyler Lynde: And if I were to say, because I'm the head of my house, I need to be in charge of the finances, I'm missing out on a healthy marriage and a healthy family setting because I'm not relying upon the strengths that God has given her.
Tyler Lynde: Does that make sense?
Tyler Lynde: That's just one example.
Tyler Lynde: Husbands are called to lead their wives, and ultimately marriage should be viewed as a partnership where each person is following Christ and rooting on the other and walking together in harmony for the glory of God.
Tyler Lynde: You guys, when we get this right, when we live the way that we're supposed to live, God is glorified, and the world around us looks at us and says, How in the world do you have a marriage like that?
Tyler Lynde: How is this real?
Tyler Lynde: Are you guys real or are you just pretending?
Tyler Lynde: I'm telling you, one of the reasons why the early church met in homes was because the culture of the world had no idea what a healthy marriage looked like.
Tyler Lynde: And so when they would come into homes where there were families that were living and serving God together, they would have an example of what Christ was like and what Christ would do in the hearts of men and women.
Tyler Lynde: Friends, I don't think our culture is that far removed from the Roman culture.
Tyler Lynde: I think if you look historically, we're sort of on the same precipice.
Tyler Lynde: We have an example, we have an opportunity to exemplify who Jesus is through the way that we love and serve each other as husbands and wives.
Tyler Lynde: Next week we're gonna talk about kids, so we'll get to that.
Tyler Lynde: Okay.
Tyler Lynde: I'm gonna ask my wife to come back and we're gonna pray for you and ask you to pray for us as well.
Tyler Lynde: I need the mic.
Tyler Lynde: Excuse me.
Tyler Lynde: So those of you who are married or who desire to be married, if you would stand up, please.
Tyler Lynde: And for the rest that are in a different category, if you would pray for those along with us as we pray together.
Tyler Lynde: Amy's gonna lift up the wives, and then I'm gonna pray for the husbands and the wives to be and the husbands to be as well.
Amy Lynde: Thank you, Lord.
Amy Lynde: Father, we just give you glory and praise.
Amy Lynde: We thank you for your word, we thank you for your life and your love for us.
Amy Lynde: And I pray for the women in this body and in this room that are wives, and I pray for those that are hoping to be and praying for a spouse.
Amy Lynde: Yes, Father, I pray that you would make us into the women you want us to be, that we would exemplify your love and your light.
Amy Lynde: Father, I just pray that we would be patient and kind, and we would stay grounded in your word and filled with your Holy Spirit.
Amy Lynde: Father, I pray your blessing on each marriage that's represented, Father.
Amy Lynde: Grace, strength, and peace.
Amy Lynde: Father, I just pray for those, even those marriages that seem that they're hanging on by a thread.
Amy Lynde: Father, you are a miracle worker, and we just pray for a miracle and a transformation in those.
Amy Lynde: And Father, we give you praise in Jesus' name.
Tyler Lynde: Yes, Father.
Tyler Lynde: And we pray also for the husbands, Lord.
Tyler Lynde: And we ask, Lord, for all of us that you would help us to represent you as we lead our families, Lord.
Tyler Lynde: We ask that we could say, Follow me as I follow Christ, that we could say, As for me in my house, we will serve the Lord.
Tyler Lynde: Father, I ask that you would help us to love our wives appropriately, Lord, that we would be sacrificial in our love, that we'd be willing to lay down our own desires, our own ways, our own thoughts, our own patterns in order to uh to give our lives for our wives.
Tyler Lynde: And we also ask, Lord, that you would help us to have tenderness in our hearts toward our wives, that we would not be gruff or rough or uh not willing to come and meet them halfway or to understand what they're going through.
Tyler Lynde: Father, help us, Lord, to treat our wives the way that you treat us and the way that you desire for us to treat our wives.
Tyler Lynde: And Lord, we ask ultimately that you would help us to see that marriage is a partnership, that you created male and female and brought them together so that they could be one flesh.
Tyler Lynde: And so we pray for unity.
Tyler Lynde: We pray for unity in the households of this church.
Tyler Lynde: We pray for unity, Father, and for uh for partnership in each and every one of our homes.
Tyler Lynde: Lord, we pray that the years of hurt and disappointment would wash away now in Jesus' name.
Tyler Lynde: We pray that you would grant forgiveness where there's been unforgiveness.
Tyler Lynde: We pray, Lord, that you would give grace for a fresh start, a new beginning.
Tyler Lynde: Lord, we pray that pride would not get in the way, that we would all be humble and approach the roles that you've called us to walk in, Father, that we would approach those the way that you desire for us to, for your benefit and for your kingdom.
Tyler Lynde: We give you glory.
Tyler Lynde: We pray for those who aren't married yet but have a desire, Father.
Tyler Lynde: We ask that you continue to help them to keep their eyes on you, focused on you, and also that they would develop the skills and the gifts that are needed for them to be the spouse that is going to be such a great part of a healthy partnership in marriage.
Tyler Lynde: Help them with that, encourage them.
Tyler Lynde: And Lord, when the time's right, would you bring the right people into each and every one of their lives?
Tyler Lynde: Would you make it obvious and apparent, those who are who they're supposed to be joined with?
Tyler Lynde: And Father, that that would all work out according to your plan and your timing and your way.
Tyler Lynde: We thank you for it, Father, in Jesus' name.
Tyler Lynde: Amen.