Partnership Aligned
Partnership Aligned
How Your Body Image Affects Your Relationship (with Rebecca Sigala)
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On this episode, I sit down with body confidence coach and boudoir photographer Rebecca Sigala about how body image quietly shapes marriage, from everyday self-talk to what happens when the lights are on in the bedroom. We connect the dots between shame, safety, and vulnerability, then map out what actually helps couples move from disconnection to deeper intimacy.
Topics covered:
• body image as an internal experience that affects intimacy
• why compliments help but do not heal a woman’s relationship with her body
• what husbands need to know about how often their wives think about their bodies
• how culture, comparison, diet culture, and beauty standards fuel body shame
• meeting yourself where you are and dropping shame as the first real step
• how body confidence can change touch, desire, and emotional openness in marriage
Who is Rebecca Sigala?
Rebecca Sigala is an internationally recognized body confidence coach, fine art boudoir photographer, and host of The Body Image Revolution podcast. Through her unique approach, she helps women transform the way they see themselves, so they can show up more fully in every area of their lives.
For over a decade, Rebecca has dedicated herself to helping women break free from societal pressures and feel at home in their bodies. The impact of this work extends far beyond the individual, influencing their relationships, their work, and future generations. She is also the creator of The New Sexy Awakening, her signature virtual coaching program for self-aware women who are ready to break the cycle, fully embrace their bodies, and feel sexy in their skin through all the seasons of life.
Based in Efrat, Israel, Rebecca runs her company alongside her husband, Yehoshua, while raising their three children. She also travels worldwide for clients and speaking engagements.
Instagram: @rebeccasigalacoaching
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IG: @partnershipaligned
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Welcome And Why This Matters
SPEAKER_02Hey everybody, welcome back to Partnership Aligned Podcast. It has been a hot minute since I've had somebody on my podcast. I kind of like to take all the time for myself. Just kidding. But uh today I am bringing a guest on, which I haven't done in a while, and I'm really excited. So today I'm gonna be welcoming Rebecca Cigala. She is an internationally recognized body confidence coach, a fine art boudoir photographer. I think I said that right, and host of the Body Image Revolution podcast. Through her unique approach, she helps women transform the way they see themselves so they can show up more fully in every area of their lives. So I'm gonna let Rebecca tell us a little bit more about what she does. Welcome, Rebecca. I'm so excited to have you here.
SPEAKER_00You thanks so much for having me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So Rebecca and I are in this like female entrepreneur networking club thing. And um, I love it. Yeah, I don't know. I think of it kind of like as the club. And um, the woman who runs this club had like this big event recently, and uh Rebecca and I met, and I think we had like seen each other on social media, but not in real life. And we talked and we clicked, and um, she told me about the work she does with women on body image. And I thought to myself, God, that affects the relationship so much. And it's not something that I've ever talked about here. Um, it's not my like specialty, although I understand the psychology behind it, but it's like not something that I naturally focus on. And so bringing somebody on um who it is their specialty to talk about body image and how it affects marriage is really exciting for me. So let's get into it.
Body Image During Intimacy
SPEAKER_02Um, okay, so when I just say to you, like, hey, Rebecca, how do you think a woman's body image affects her marriage? What's the first thing that comes up for you? In every way.
SPEAKER_00That's just that's the first thing that comes up. Then I think about intimacy because I think that's pretty self-explanatory. But when a woman is struggling with her body image, body image is something that people can't see. It's something that is in someone's head and the way that they perceive themselves, the way they relate to themselves, how they think about themselves, how they treat themselves. And it's not always seen by other people. And that just makes me think of intimacy because you can be in an intimate experience with your partner and thinking about how you look while you're with them, and they would never know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. You know what's fascinating to me is that I have like a few friends that struggle with this, and I also work with a coaching company that deals with body image a lot. And one of the things that I hear over and over is like, my husband tells me I'm sexy. My husband tells me I'm beautiful, my husband wants to see my body, but I can't, you know. So it's fascinating. I mean, it makes sense psychologically speaking, but it's also fascinating that like we don't, you know, if we struggle with body image, like we don't want to take our clothes off and have the lights on because we don't want the other person to see, yet the other person is telling us they want to see. So like at the end of the day, like it's not even about the. Right. And that's like my message about everything, right? Like body image aside, like you want to talk about like communication, vulnerability, all the things that I do dive into that are my specialty, like it always starts with your relationship with yourself.
SPEAKER_00100%. Always and this is I was actually thinking about this before this podcast. And it's not that compliments can't be helpful. I think they are very helpful. But if you're using them as a way, or you think that your compliments are gonna actually change someone's relationship with themselves, and you're constantly using it as like this reassurance like you're beautiful, you're beautiful. No, believe me, believe me, believe me. That actually doesn't work. But I do think it is positive to have compliments and to have that positive environment. It's just not the thing that's actually going to heal somebody's relationship with their body.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's probably more something that will complement the healing, I would say. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Like if you were doing the opposite, that would be terrible for somebody's body image and self-esteem. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yes. One of the goals that I wanted with this episode that I told you is I want this to be an episode that women can send to their husband and be like, this is why I struggle. This is how my sense of self in regards to my body affects us in the bedroom, out of the bedroom. So if there was something that you think would be most helpful for the husband to hear, what do you think he needs to know?
What Husbands Misunderstand
SPEAKER_00That I think the first thing is that your wife is probably thinking about her body more often than you realize. And that it doesn't really have to do with you.
SPEAKER_02One of the things that's probably frustrating for a husband, right, is when he's like, I don't get it. Like she looks great, I love her. Like, what like what is the issue? And even if a husband can really internalize that, like, okay, this isn't about me, which I think men are actually able to do easier than women. Um he can internalize, okay, this isn't about me, I think he still struggles to understand, like, but I'm looking at your body and you look good. Like, I like I don't get it, right? Yeah, like I'm confused, like, why? So I don't, I'm not so sure that the husbands are like, oh, she doesn't, you know, it's about me or she doesn't want to be with me. I think, I think that any marriage where you get to know each other and there's some communication, the husband is gonna pick up on the fact that it's like the woman and just the way she thinks about her body. But I think I think that he has a hard time understanding it. So, like something you said a minute ago of like your wife thinks about her body way more than you think. Yes, yeah, like why do you think that is? Like, why do you think that we are so obsessed with our own bodies?
SPEAKER_00Because I do Oh, that's actually what I was gonna say. Thank you for asking that question. So so that it's not about vanity. And I think people think that when you're struggling with your body image, it's about looking better or loving what you see when you look in the mirror, which is also very important. And I also don't think that's even about vanity, but that it has way more to do with a woman's lived experience inside of her body, how safe she feels in her body, how much she's allowed herself to experience sensual freedom and pleasure, and and how she perceives herself, how she talks to herself in other areas of her life, the experiences she's had, the trauma that she's endured. It has way more to do with her identity and her sense of self than am I five pounds less or five pounds more? And a lot of times people are just fed up or frustrated with it, like oh, whatever, like you look amazing. Like, why do you still think this way? It just goes so much deeper than those few pounds.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I would assume that these messages that we get, like we're not born with that. So, you know, we get it um probably during childhood and even adolescence, and just yeah there's these messages. I also think that like social media, but there's a lot of people who lived way before social media, like myself, telling my age, that I think we're also just really affected by like um how other women treat each other and like how we talk to each other and how we talk about each other. And I think that as women, I think I definitely would not blame body image struggles on men.
SPEAKER_00That's right or not.
SPEAKER_02Right, exactly. So, like, I actually think that we look for validation from women more than we do from men, you know?
SPEAKER_00Like, I get my culture that really breeds that comparison and competition.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, exactly. And like, so like I get my nails done every couple of weeks, right? I I like having my nails done. I'm not like uh high maintenance in a lot of other ways, but like I like to have my nails done.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I get it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like my partner could not give two shits whether my nails are done. Like, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Like while I'm there, wasn't really at a conversation with my husband about that. He's like, I literally don't even care about it.
SPEAKER_02You know, they don't care. I mean, don't get me wrong. Like, if I have like a hot pink, he's like, oh, you know what's but like he doesn't care, you know what I mean? And like, you know, every two months when I go see the nail lady, I'm like, hey, can you wax my eyebrows? Like, he's never like, Wow, your eyebrows look amazing! Like, like it's just like not so snatched, yeah. Like, exactly, like they don't care, and also my partner's also never been like, You look like you lost two pounds, amazing. Like, or you look like you've gained two pounds. Like, these things are just not, they don't come from the men. It doesn't come from the men, it comes from the women. So, you know, like if we take if we like zoom in. I think it comes from everybody, honestly.
SPEAKER_00Okay, say more about that. Yeah, I think it comes from everybody. I mean, think about like so many years of kind of like women kind of perceiving themselves. I mean, and it might be true or it might not be true, but through the male gaze, quote unquote, like men seeing women certain women a certain way. Um, and I don't think that individuals are, you know, obviously responsible for that, but there is a culture around like men perceiving women a certain way and women having to live up to that standard, and then the women continue to perpetuate it. So I think it's all together, it's not like one or the other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's the culture in general. Okay,
Leaving Shame For Real Change
SPEAKER_02so let's move out of problem and like into solution. How do you help? You seem very solution oriented. I love it. I am. I'm like, people come to me and I'm like, I will I you get the first session to tell me all the things, and then after that, like, let's get some results. Like, let's go. You're like, yellow, let's go. Yeah, because like probably you've been talking about the problem your whole life, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Listen, I'm thinking about it, stewing in it.
SPEAKER_02I was a therapist for 15 years. I have my time listening to the problems. Let's move into solution. That's where I'm that's amazing. That's why I became a life coach because, like, as a therapist, there's so much like processing the past, processing trauma, which is great. And those skills helped me as a coach. But I've always felt like, can we move forward? Like, how do we move forward? Like, let's move forward. And you know, it was hard to implement some of the tools I wanted to implement with some of the people that were coming to see me. So I was like, let me let me work with a different, you know, demographic. So, anyway, that's a total side note. Um, yes, let's move into solution. And also, I'd love to kind of just get to know like your magic and your wisdom. Yeah. So how do you go about helping women? Well, let me let me back up and ask a different question first. What is the flavor of women that come to you? Like, what do you hear the most from the women that come to you?
SPEAKER_00So it's women of all ages, which is really cool because I think healing, like we said, a lot of the damage that has been done has been between women. So I think the healing needs to be done with women and in community. Um, so all ages, all different backgrounds, women who are really like self-aware, like they they know their shit. They've been on their healing journey, they know why they feel the way that they do, they've been in therapy, they've done all these different healing modalities and they see other women as beautiful and they're quote unquote body positive, whatever that means. But then when they look in the mirror, they're still kind of like clashing with their inner critic. They're still thinking of that thing that they want to change. There's still kind of that like narrative going on in the background of their mind throughout the day as they do everything. It's not necessarily holding them back from running their business and being an amazing mom and like going out there and being the life of the party. It's like women who kind of they look confident from the outside and they're still battling on the inside. So, how do you go about helping them? Well, it's a process, that's for sure. I'd say the first, I have a four-step process. It's called the new sexy method. And the first step is to meet yourself where you're at. And I think it's the hardest one. It's the one that you're like, okay, like actually this is something that I still struggle with. Yes, I'm confident. Yes, I'm successful. Yes, I know I'm worthy, right? But I don't feel that in my body all the time. And it is, even though it's not holding me back from doing things, I'm taking so long to get dressed in the morning. I'm still counting calories in my head, I still feel guilty after I ate that thing. I'm sometimes avoiding pictures and mirrors, and I'm thinking about my body during intimacy. And when you actually like come to that point where you're like, yes, this is something I still struggle with, it's not shameful. Like, I help them let go of the shame of it because there's so many reasons why people feel this way. It's actually rare for women not to feel this way. So letting go of the shame of it, meeting yourself where you're at, and starting to open the door for a new paradigm, something different. That's why I call it the new sexy, um, because you are the new sexy. You get to redefine that for yourself and decide how you want to bring that into your life. Um, but that's the first step of the of my method. And I bring them through something that is very holistic and really looks at all aspects of their lives, starting, of course, with like kind of unlearning some of the stuff that we we learned and we picked up along the way, letting go of like diet culture and beauty standards and and learning how to perceive yourself differently. That's part of it. Like there is that mindset piece of it, but a lot of it really is embodiment and like learning how to tune in and listen to your body and move through the day in a way that really feels aligned with what your body wants and needs, and bringing in more joy and flirtation and sexiness and it really reaches all aspects of our lives. Like, I even have things like curating your closet and um like um sex and intimacy and just all food and nutrition, like just literally everything because it touches all these aspects of our lives. So, how do we learn how to show up fully in our bodies and through all of those things and also pass it on to our kids and our clients and do it in a way that feels really natural and authentic and not just, oh, I know what to say, but I actually feel this in my body.
SPEAKER_02Your program sounds like fun. It's fun. I was just gonna talk, I was like, this sounds like a lot of fun. Can we curate my closet? Like, I don't even know about me, but let's do it.
SPEAKER_00Like literally, it is so much fun. Yeah, that's I think people don't realize that they're like, it's gonna be so hard. And I'm like, it's really not, I promise. I wish I could just like, you know, show them the end, but obviously people need to go through their own process.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, a couple of things that I really love about what you just said. The first one is um this idea of like meeting yourself where you're at in the beginning. A lot of what I teach is that like humans really don't make positive changes from negative emotions, they make positive changes from positive emotions. So, like you can make a change based on shame, but it's not gonna last and it's not gonna like go well. Not effective. Yeah, it's not effective, like you can do it, but it's just it's not really what you're looking for. Um, but when you feel acceptance, when you feel some self-love, when you feel some determination, when you feel some curiosity, when you're feeling some of these more positive emotions wrapped up in it, all of a sudden you're able to make more positive changes. Um, there's just something about like, you know, guilt and shame and all that stuff. It just does not breed change, unfortunately. It just really keeps us stuck.
SPEAKER_00So that's exactly how we've been taught to relate to our bodies, like from the very beginning. Like exercise was about getting thinner, food was about maintaining a certain kind of physique, like everything was around shame. Like, I'm not good enough. I need to stay within the standard, I need to maintain it in order to be good enough, intelligent, desirable, all of those things, worthy. And so changing that, it seems like it would be so difficult, but a lot of times it's like the first step does so much of the work because you're like, oh wait, like, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's it's it's realization. Yeah, if it's realization, and then it's like, oh, like I get to decide, right? Like I get to decide what my standards are for myself, I get to decide what I want for my body, I get to decide how I want to think about myself, and like of course it's a process, all thought work is, but just that realization of like I don't actually have to live up to that made up standard.
SPEAKER_00And realizing how made it up and realizing how made up it is, like so made up. It's like not so made up, like and it's just it's like whoa, like I thought it's like, oh, women, all women, like a lot of times women will come to me and like say, you know, this is what's beautiful, or like I'll never be this beautiful, or you know, it's like always kind of comparing, and there's like this scale and this rating, and and you're either in the beauty standard or you're not, and if you're not, you always have to be like striving towards it. And when you realize, like you said, it's all made up, it's just so freeing. It's like, oh wait, it's not actually true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Like I get to get out of this like delusional rat race.
SPEAKER_01Literally. Good way of putting it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. It's exhausting. Yeah, it really is. And we don't most women don't even know that there's anything besides that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
Boudoir Photography Sparks A New Lens
SPEAKER_00So how did you end up being a body image coach? Good question. So I started my career as a boudoir photographer 13 years ago. And boudoir photography for people who don't know is intimate photography for women, lingerie, artistic nudity. And I was photographing, it's not models, it's women who want to feel comfortable in their body, who want to express their sensuality, who want to give a gift to their partner. That's kind of how it started. And as I started photographing women, I realized how pervasive these body image struggles were.
SPEAKER_02It was the norm. What were you seeing? Like women trying to cover themselves up during a photo shoot, or like what were you seeing?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, I think over the years I've gotten like a little bit more refined, like really understanding, you know, even just small nuances in the way people talk about themselves or the way that they move. But I think in the beginning it was literally just people talking about it, just saying, I don't like this, I don't like that. Can we take pictures of this and not that? And like hiding parts of themselves, and um, you know, always constantly waiting to feel better, like uh in when I lose weight, when I tone up, when I look this way, um, and never feeling just fully satisfied in the moment. Um and as I was photographing them, I was just like, wow, these women are so like beautiful and powerful. And even though I had come from a very narrow definition of beauty and really struggled with my perception of myself and my self-esteem and things like that over the years, also probably not something people would have seen, but something that went on in my mind. Um, so I struggled with that, but then there was something about the practice of seeing, of photographing someone in order to illuminate their beauty. It was like I was practicing expanding my own definition of beauty. It was like, oh, I actually am here and I want to create a safe space to help them feel beautiful, and I'm gonna bring out the beauty in them. So as I kept doing that over and over again, my own definition just completely expanded. And I started to see things in ways that I didn't in the past. I was like, oh, I actually, those stretch marks look really cool. Like I love that pattern. Just literally like stuff like that, or like, you know, scars that tell a story, or um, just all different body sizes that I did not think were beautiful in the past started to become beautiful to me. And I couldn't. Stand that so many women couldn't see that in themselves. And the pictures would help them like come to that. They're like, oh wow, I didn't see myself. I'm literally never seen myself that way before. And so that was so beautiful and healing. And then I think, you know, a couple of years in, I realized that I really became so passionate about helping women feel comfortable in their skin. But then I would look in the mirror and I did not give the same grace and compassion to myself. And I realized that if I wanted to help women heal on a deeper level, that that was something that I needed to explore. And I went on my own journey. And then about six, seven years ago, I six, seven, I'm thinking up my kids. Oh God, don't get me so annoying. Um six, seven years ago. Um I became a coach and I think it was like during Corona. Was that six years ago? Yeah. COVID. Um, wow, crazy. Um, I like I did a little mini course, and it was incredible. I realized that like I had been doing this work all of these years, coaching women, helping them see themselves differently. And I was able to really put it into a process and a method and began one-on-one coaching. And then I opened my group program about three and a half years ago. So yeah, it's been an amazing ride and such a personal healing journey alongside the work that I help my clients with.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's the cool thing about being a coach, is like when I was a therapist, like people would come to me to get treated for diagnoses that I had not personally gone through. And, you know, I mean, I knew how to treat them, I was educated, I was trained. I mean, I was able to help them. But there's like a different level of like someone coming to you to help them go through something that you've already gone through when you're on the other side. Yeah. Like it's just a different level of service. You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%.
When Her Walls Came Down
SPEAKER_02So I have a personal question for you. And if you don't like it, you can tell me and I'll edit it out. But um, how did your body image journey affect your marriage?
SPEAKER_00It's a really good question. I keep thinking I want to bring my husband on the podcast, and then we keep pushing it off.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you should. Uh, totally should. Um it'd be interesting to hear his experience with it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Um, so I think I've just become more and more myself, less inhibited, more free, more vulnerable. Like I remember several years ago, a moment that my husband was like, I feel like all your walls just came tumbling down. And that was after years of being married. Like, we've been married for 17 years.
SPEAKER_02I got chills. That's like so beautiful and freeing. Like, could you imagine like your partner has all these walls and then all of a sudden they come down? It's like, hallelujah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And you don't fully realize it because you feel like you're being open, you feel like you're being yourself, and then because you are to the best of your ability. Yeah, a hundred percent. Um, so like that, it was just like the next level. Um, can I share something like about intimacy? Is that okay to share on your podcast?
SPEAKER_02Are you kidding me? It's it's invited and encouraged.
SPEAKER_00Amazing. So one of the things that I used to be really insecure about was my stomach. And that was something from when I was like eight years old, literally. Like I knew I was the one that could not wear a bikini and like always hid it and never thought I would wear a crop top. And when we, you know, we got married at 19. So I got married really young. Crazy, crazy kids. Um, and it was just always like a given. Like I didn't want, like, I didn't want him to really like fully see my stomach. I mean, of course he saw it, but like, you know, I would like think about it during intimacy and like I would not really let him touch it or grab it. And as I had started doing this work and really getting to a different level of confidence and embodiment, I remember the first time he like grabbed it and I was like turned on by it. I was like, yes, right. And I was like, that really changes everything. Like I'm not hiding, I'm not in my head, overthinking things, I'm not trying to manage him. Like it brings this deeper level of connection that we don't even realize is there or possible.
SPEAKER_02That is so powerful. Because you're not even just saying, like, oh, it didn't bother me. You're saying like it turned me on.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Which is like next level. Yeah. Yeah. That's so amazing. And like what a gift it is to give your partner, all of you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's really beautiful. I love the way you said that.
Men Struggle With Body Image Too
SPEAKER_00And one other thing that I do want to mention is that men also struggle with this. I think it's really actually important to meant to mention, and it definitely is not in the same way, and they don't have the same kind of pressures, but there's still very much a pressure to be masculine, be a certain way, look a certain way, muscles, like, and I want to say to any husband who is listening that if this is something that goes through your mind, like that is so valid and so normal. And it's nothing to be ashamed of the same way that a woman struggles with this. It's just that men don't really have the space to talk about it because it's seen as like this like I don't know, maybe weak thing, or I don't know exactly how it's seen because I don't see it that way. But that is really, really normal. And I think one of the most powerful, powerful things you can do to help other people feel more comfortable in their skin is go on a journey to feel more comfortable in yours. And that applies to men as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, totally. I mean, I love that you brought that up. I mean, you know, both my brothers have struggled with body image. My partner maybe less, but will still say things like, Can you feel that I worked out yesterday? Like, does my back feel stronger? Like, you know what I mean? Like things like that.
SPEAKER_00Um, and we don't clock it as the same thing, but it is right, right, right.
SPEAKER_02It is, yeah. And and um, yeah, it it is different, and I don't have the words to explain why it's different, but it's definitely still there. And it's definitely, you know, so I'm glad you brought that up, like to validate.
SPEAKER_00Because it's not like everything. It's not like there's other things that make up a man's worth in the toxic societal standard, but for women, it's like almost everything.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that really has me thinking in this toxic societal standard.
SPEAKER_01Is there nothing else that makes a woman worthy? I never thought about that.
SPEAKER_00Well, it's signal if she's beautiful, it signals she's intelligent, it signals that she has discipline, it signals that she is funny and has a great personality, and like none of these things are actually true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But it's like so tied up in all of these other standards. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So, you know, it makes sense, right? A woman is in this world, she gets all of these messages, whether they're said to her or like more, you know, subliminal, like she gets the messages, and then she comes, and then and then she comes into relationship, into marriage, and she brings all of that with her. I mean, we bring all of our shit with us, right? Man and woman. But like she brings all of that with her. And then, you know, her husband's like, I met you now, beautiful, amazing. Like, I see you like a certain way, and you come in with all of this baggage around, you know, the way that you think you look and what it means and
Communication As The Bridge Back
SPEAKER_02all of that. And it can totally like create some distance, but I I think I'm going to take a minute to like plug what I believe in most, which is like, I think the answer to that is communication. Right? Like, I am like a die hard, almost anything can be talked out. Almost. Okay. I think that if a woman comes into a relationship and says, This is the way that I feel about my body, and here is the way that affects me. And I can feel myself pushing away from you when you touch me a certain way, or I can pull, like I can feel myself wanting to be uninhibited with you, but feeling too ashamed to do that. Or like just like being able to put words, I'm like a highly verbal person. Like, if I can put words to the experience and then bring it to you and share that experience with you, I might not be able to share my whole body with you yet. I might not be able to share my uninhibited free self with you because I haven't been able to find her yet, but I can share my struggle with you. Like that's something that I can do. Um, and I think And that takes a woman being aware of yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_00And that'd be something passion for them, not feeling so ashamed of it that she just keeps it bundled up and stuff like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, totally, totally. So it's it's a process, also, right? Like when I help people communicate, like I can't throw them into the fire and be like, go say the hard thing that you never think you could have said. Like that's not gonna work. Yeah. But like, right, what is how can you be 10% more vulnerable than you have been? Like I like that. Where's that temperature? A little bit. Yeah, just a little bit. Because just like with anything in life, like you go a little bit and then you feel the benefit of it, and you're like, okay, maybe I'll dip a toe a little more. And then the more hard work you put in, the more benefit you get out of it, either in your relationship with yourself or your relationship with your partner, and then the more willing and motivated you are to go further. So it's like, where's that 10%?
SPEAKER_00Do you see like obviously I don't see body image in the traditional sense where it's like only, oh, I like this, I don't like this. It's also like, you know, like I said, like really how somebody lives in their body and how they treat themselves and how they talk to themselves, and and also this level of um, I guess, freedom, like around their sexuality. Um, I think that's a really important factor. Like it's it's another level. It's not just, oh, I don't hate myself. It's like, how can I actually feel free? Um, so do you see this like coming up for you like when you coach couples together? Is there something like is there maybe like a part of it that comes up more often than others?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So sometimes I coach couples. Often I'm just coaching like one partner or the other because I get more results that way, they get more results that way. Um, but I what I tend to come across is a couple who's not really intimate. So either they're literally not having sex or they're having sex from an obligatory standpoint, but it's what when people come to me, it's not because of their body image, or if it is that's on the back burner because there's something bigger, which is like we are disconnected.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So the disconnect in regular life creates a disconnect in the bedroom. And I'm sure that like if we got rid of the disconnect in real life and jumped into the bedroom, then the body image thing might come more to the front. And I'm sure it's happening. Well, it's like a lack of safety, which I think is really connected. Yeah, I think it's all connected. I think all of it's connected. But if you ask me about like my coaching, that's not what people come in talking about, which is why I wanted you to come on, you know? Yeah, it's not what people come in talking about because there's like almost this bigger barrier to breakthrough that they come to me with like, we don't talk, he doesn't understand me. Uh, why doesn't he know exactly what I want? That's my favorite one.
SPEAKER_00But then it comes down to like, like you said, like how they perceive themselves. Yeah, right. 100%. So it might not be like, it might not be it's self-image.
SPEAKER_02Totally. It's self-image and it's how I see you in relation to me. Yeah. That's what it comes down to, right? So it's always about my relationship with myself because all of my stuff is going to be in the relationship. But when it comes to marriage, it's really like how I see you in relation to me. That's really what it comes down to. And so, in order to work through that, we have to, of course, look at your relationship with yourself. And then how does your relationship with yourself affect the way you interpret what he says and does?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then how do you make that about you? So, like it's, you know, it can get it can get complex. So I'm sure that body image is playing a big part in some of these relationships. For sure. Um but also, yeah, like just the way that people relate to themselves, which is pretty much the same thing. It is the same thing. It is the same thing, 100%. Yeah. So one of the things that I um always say is like everybody's just saying the same shit in different ways. Like, right? Like uh like all the self-help, all the spirituality stuff, all the coaching, everything.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes we need to take a break from the map.
SPEAKER_02Well, we need to say it differently because we have different types of people listening and everybody needs the flavor. So, like and everyone connects to different people, which is beautiful. Exactly. But like, you know, this is a totally different podcast episode, but I feel like we could take everything that everyone out there is saying and boil it down to like four truths. Hmm.
SPEAKER_00That sounds like a really good podcast episode.
SPEAKER_02I know. I might record that when we get off. No kidding. Perfect.
Where To Find Rebecca
SPEAKER_02I'll listen. All right, Rebecca. It was so amazing to have you on. This was like a different kind of conversation, a really important conversation. It's one of those conversations that I'm like, how have I not talked about this yet? Because it's so important. So glad. Yeah. Um, so I'll put all your stuff in the show notes. But for anybody who's driving or just wants to hear it, what's the best way for someone to get in touch with you?
SPEAKER_00I'd say Instagram. I like hanging out there. It's Rebecca Cigala Coaching. That's my handle. And yeah, I feel free to reach out there to connect with me. Um, I also have a website, Rebecca CigalaCoing slash the. I think you should probably put that in the chat. But yes, please reach out to me. Feel free to DM me to engage with my content. I'm also have a podcast called The Body Image Revolution. And you can just head over there. There's tons of episodes and guests and amazing conversations that are not often had in every day. So yeah, that's love to have you there.
SPEAKER_02Awesome. All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was great. Thanks for watching. Go over to her Instagram. Her Instagram's actually really fun to look at. Thanks. Appreciate that. All right, everybody. Thank you for listening to Partnership Aligned Podcast, and I will see you next week.