The Quickest Way to Changing Your Marriage

On this episode, I share quick, simple “shortcuts” that create real shifts in marriage, from tiny rituals of appreciation to the underrated power of staying quiet. 

We also dig into how resentment and scorekeeping block connection, and why choosing peace over ego can change the whole tone at home. 

Join my NEW CHALLENGE called "The Relationship Reset"

• 6 daily relationship tools that move the needle immediately
• A mid-week coaching call to overcome obstacles
• Bonus: My Formula for Effective Communication

We start Monday!

👇👇👇👇

Details & Registration!

IG:  @partnershipaligned
Elana@partnershipaligned.com
Interested in private coaching? Book your free consult and start improving your relationship today!

Transcript

Why Shortcuts Matter In Marriage

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Hey everybody, welcome back to Partnership Aligned Podcast. Okay, today I want to talk to you about some shortcuts. I want to talk to you about some quick and easy ways to make your marriage better. Cause here's the thing. I'm kind of known as like the deep mindset girl. I'm really, really good at decoding what someone is telling me when they tell me the story about their marriage and their resentment and what's going on with them. I'm really good at being able to like cut through all the noise, see the core issue, and coach on it. I'm really good at that. But I'm also really good with action. In my own life, I am disciplined, I have grit, and I take a lot of action. And you know what? The action is really just as important as the deeper mindset work. And it's quicker. It's the behavior part of cognitive behavioral theories and cognitive behavioral tools and cognitive behavioral therapy. And I think sometimes we have to um take the shortcut in order to get a win, in order to get some results, so that we then feel motivated to do some of the deeper work. So that's what I want to talk to you about today. There are so many ways that you can bring a shift into your marriage. Okay.

Tiny Gestures Using Love Languages

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Um I just did a free um workshop yesterday. We talked about the five simple tools for a stronger marriage. And we went through all kinds of obstacles and marriages and all kinds of uh tools that you can use to overcome those obstacles. And some of the tools were a little bit deeper, but some of the tools are really quick and easy, right? So, like, for example, if you have a partner who really enjoys words of affirmation, like you could just write them a quick loving note or a gratitude, a note of gratitude, or something like that, and completely shift things. So, for example, my partner goes out with his friends every Thursday night. His night out is Thursday night, and my night out is Saturday night. And obviously, you know, we go out together as well. So whenever he goes out Thursday night, I always go to bed early. Like that's like my me night, right? And when he comes back, I really like for him to come back to a note on the mirror. And it's usually just something like really simple, like you make me feel safe, or you know, you are my king, or I believe in you a hundred percent, right? Like just like a quick sentence on a pink post-it note, because that's all we have lying around here. And um, he really loves them and he has started collecting them. So he moves them when he comes home, he moves it from the mirror over to like the cupboard so that we can actually see ourselves in the mirror. And now we have like, you know, the the cupboard in the in the bathroom is like covered in pink post-its now. And it's just like a cute little ritual that I do to remind him that he's loved and appreciated. Now, why am I bringing this up? Because it's so quick and easy. It takes me all of 30 seconds to do, and it makes him feel really loved. Okay. Uh, knowing your partner's love language is really important and will help you do this a lot faster. So, for example, my partner, his secondary love language is words of affirmation, but his first love language is touch. And so I know that like a five-minute like shoulder rub for him means so much. For me, honestly, like massages do nothing for me. Sometimes actually, I think they're kind of painful. I'm like, no, thanks. But um, I have like neck issues and I'm like, don't touch my neck. Um, but he loves them, like his whole being changes. I think men in general just really love to be touched, and I don't mean sexually. I mean they like that too, but like it doesn't have to be a sexual touch. So that's just an example of something quick and easy that you can do. So I want to turn this back over to you. What is something that you know would make a shift in your marriage today? Like, what is something quick and easy that you can do for your partner? What is like a little surprise? What is a little treat? What is a little um, you know, like a spoiled moment for them? Like whatever. What is it that you can do to show them that they are loved and appreciated? You know your partner. What is something that would move the needle for him and make a shift, right? Now, I want to talk about a different kind of action that can really shift things, and that's an inaction. Now, this is where I struggle the most, and I'm sure there's plenty of you that do. Um, keeping my mouth shut sometimes, okay? Now, I'm not, you know, a girl that stifles

The Power Of Saying Less

SPEAKER_00 4:53

myself anymore, so don't worry. That's not the direction I'm taking this in. But he doesn't always need my input. He doesn't always need my advice. Like, and I don't need to fix and control him. And so in my relationship, not just this relationship, in my relationship dynamics, because I bring that into every relationship that I'm in, the biggest shift that I can do is to allow him to be where he's at, right? If he's upset, if he's stressed, if he's whatever it is that he's going through, and not try and fix it and just like put that invisible masking tape over my mouth and like just be, just be there with him. And that creates such a shift for us too, right? Because he feels seen, he feels heard. So I'm just giving you like a lot of different examples. Now, what's gonna be your biggest obstacle to doing something really nice for your partner that moves the needle? That's gonna be any resentment that you have, anything that you're holding on to that makes you say, Well, I don't really want to do that for him, or he really doesn't deserve that, or well, he doesn't do

Dropping Scorekeeping And Resentment

SPEAKER_00 5:55

that for me. And here's what I want to say to you. You have to get smart and you have to get logical. You have to ask yourself, what is my goal in my marriage? Okay. Is my goal to like just always keep a scoreboard, this imaginal, imaginary tally board in the sky? Like, is that my goal here? Is that the kind of marriage that I want? Like, is that what I'm settling for for the rest of my life? Or is my goal for us to have a shift, be more connected, learn how to communicate, right? Now, those are deeper things that you need to learn how to do, which is exactly what I do with people. But sometimes in order for us to kind of soften into a place where we're ready to work on some of the deeper things, we have to make some of the more concrete, tangible shifts. And when we live together, we have lots and lots and lots of opportunities to do that. So again, the obstacle that's going to come up most for you is this like bitterness or resentment that you have towards your partner. And I want you to be a smart woman. I want you to choose your happiness, your peace, and your connection with your husband over your ego. I want you to get over this whole, I can only do what he does for me. He has to be the first one. I'm sick of the one that's always doing the work. I want you to be done with all of that, okay? None of none of that is going to be what I am going to let you off the hook with. I'm not letting you off the hook with any of that, okay? What I'm doing is I'm going to hold you on the hook, if that makes any sense, and make you take a look at these thoughts that are in the way of doing something loving for someone that you love. And think about it. When your partner's happier, you're happier, right? That's like the healthy codependency that comes up in marriage. It's like we always want to be serving each other, you know, we always want to be trying to make each other happy. And if there is an obstacle or a mental block to that, I totally get that. I like I've been there. Like, I really, really understand. There's zero judgment. But again, you have to ask yourself, what is important to you? What is your priority? Are you going to live out the rest of your marriage in this, like he said, she said, you know, transactional tallyboard kind of, you know, situation? Or are you going to be the hero in your own story and take the lead with some of these things? Um, I want to tell you that this work is contagious. Many, many, many times, especially when it comes to little actions and gestures of gratitude and love and appreciation, men respond wonderfully. They really, really do. Um, so I want to challenge you to go do something today that's a little bit different. Now, I also have something to help you along. Introducing the relationship reset. This is a brand new offer of mine, and it is only $25. Okay. You get to come into a six-day container where every day for six days, you get an email

The Relationship Reset Challenge Invite

SPEAKER_00 9:00

with a specific relationship tool, something that is quick, something that is simple, and something that does not take a lot of time or energy that really moves the needle. Okay. In that email, I'm going to give you a lot of mindset tips and different ways to implement it. Then, midway through those six days, we're going to meet uh on Zoom and we're going to coach on how it's going and what are the obstacles and all of that. As a bonus, when you sign up for this six-day challenge, you also get free access to one of my paid courses called The Formula for Effective Communication. Okay. All of that for $25. So please go down to the show notes and I'm going to go ahead and post the link. You can get all of the details and the registration and you can sign up right at that link. We start on Monday, my friends. Monday, July 27th, 2026. And we go through August 1st. If you are listening to this after that, you can shoot me an email to see when the next one is. But if you're listening to this in real time or within a few days of this coming out, we start Monday. Let's go. All right, guys. Have an amazing week, and I will talk to you later.