Today, our guest Paulette Erato reminds us that it is possible to design life on your own terms.
You have the power to design your life exactly as you want, to challenge societal norms and to embrace a child-free life.
That's the journey Paulette and her husband, Ryan, have embarked on. Together, they've forged a path that's uniquely their own, beautifully rejecting the stifling 'shoulds' and pressures that often come with the Latin identity.
We dive into this story and more, along with a frank discussion on the importance of embracing our unique Latine cultures. Paulette is also gearing up for a move to Puerto Rico, a move that she sees as an opportunity to reclaim her Latina identity fully.
This honest conversation is a testament to the power of personal choice and the joy that comes from living life on your own terms. Be prepared to be inspired, enlightened and perhaps even challenged to rethink the 'shoulds' in your own life.
Episode Resources:
You can hear Fede's guest appearance on Paulette's episode here:
https://podcast.pauletteerato.com/1948831/13173285
You can find Paulette on IG:
https://www.instagram.com/pauletteerato/
You can find Paulette on substack:
https://pauletteerato.substack.com/p/living-your-most-authentic-life
Connect with Fede:
Website: https://www.mymostauthenticlife.com
Instagram: @mymostauthenticlife
https://www.instagram.com/mymostauthenticlife/
Fede Vargas: https://linktr.ee/fedevargas
Today, our guest Paulette Erato reminds us that it is possible to design life on your own terms.
You have the power to design your life exactly as you want, to challenge societal norms and to embrace a child-free life.
That's the journey Paulette and her husband, Ryan, have embarked on. Together, they've forged a path that's uniquely their own, beautifully rejecting the stifling 'shoulds' and pressures that often come with the Latin identity.
We dive into this story and more, along with a frank discussion on the importance of embracing our unique Latine cultures. Paulette is also gearing up for a move to Puerto Rico, a move that she sees as an opportunity to reclaim her Latina identity fully.
This honest conversation is a testament to the power of personal choice and the joy that comes from living life on your own terms. Be prepared to be inspired, enlightened and perhaps even challenged to rethink the 'shoulds' in your own life.
Episode Resources:
You can hear Fede's guest appearance on Paulette's episode here:
https://podcast.pauletteerato.com/1948831/13173285
You can find Paulette on IG:
https://www.instagram.com/pauletteerato/
You can find Paulette on substack:
https://pauletteerato.substack.com/p/living-your-most-authentic-life
Connect with Fede:
Website: https://www.mymostauthenticlife.com
Instagram: @mymostauthenticlife
https://www.instagram.com/mymostauthenticlife/
Fede Vargas: https://linktr.ee/fedevargas
Welcome back to my most authentic life. My name is Fede. Today on the pod, i'm joined by Paulette Irado. She's a strong Latina voice, a podcaster, who is out there being brave and carving out a space for us Latinos and courageously sharing our story. This week we're doing a Home and Away. I'm a guest on her pod and she's a guest on mine, but I guess it's not your traditional Home and Away, because instead of playing against each other, we're supporting each other. We're on the same team And by listening to her story, you're listening to my story and you'll get another layer, another perspective of what is truly at the core of my most authentic life. When we work together, we empower the collective transformation that we're living today And, in the spirit of shared social consciousness, we're all taking a stand, we're all showing up for our purpose and we are building a superhighway to a future where everyone will be seen and everyone will be included in a meaningful way. It's an awesome time to be alive. It's like we're at a big dance and everyone is being asked to dance.
Speaker 1:Paulette is the host and creator of the podcast La Vida Mas Cevre through the Child Freelance. It's a biweekly Spanglish language podcast focused on dismantling the harmful toxicity within the Latin identity, and it's all told from the child-free perspective. As a former photographer, paulette is used to viewing the world from an unconventional vantage point and invites us all to reexamine the cultural norms we've simply come to accept by shifting our focus to determine what is actually true and what is BS. Enjoy listening to this week's conversation with Paulette Irado. Today we're going to be chatting with Paulette And I'm so excited to have her on. Part of my mandate here is to have strong Latino voices And, yeah, there's actually not been that many Latinos on the podcast so far. So I'm very happy that Paulette is going to be on here today telling us about her life experience. And we met earlier this year It's already we're just chatting offline four months ago Already can't believe how time flies in Las Vegas at the podcast movement convention. So let's just introduce Paulette and welcome to the podcast. Great to have you here.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much for having me, and I'm happy to be a Latino voice on the show. We need our people. We need more of this.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and especially the life experience that you have. This podcast, the bedrock of it, is people that are designing their lives in alternate ways, and you're doing just that. So tell us a bit about your life journey and your wonderful podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, my wonderful podcast that you are also on. So let's just put that plug in there for you.
Speaker 2:La vida mas chévere is the life journey I'm on. I'm trying to just live my best life in the most chill but adventurous way possible, and I found a life partner who was also up for the same thing My husband, ryan, who you met in Vegas as well. He's a cool dude who also didn't want kids, because that's what the podcast La vida mas chévere is all about Child free Latinas. But living our best lives as an example of what can happen when you don't adhere to the life script And the patriarchy and society will make you feel like you've made mistakes or you're a failure If you don't hit these milestones that it's set up as the proper way to live. So people I have on my show are counter examples to the fact that life can still be fulfilling and wonderful and we can thrive outside of those constrictions. And so I'm here as an example and all of my guests are examples of what it's like to live la vida mas chévere without having to do all of these other things that do not equate happiness, as it turns out, to happiness.
Speaker 2:I had a guest on her name was Rena that signed up for the married picket, fence all of that and was so vitally unhappy She basically tore her life apart and is now living la vida mas chévere. She is now living the life that she was meant to have, and at the time it took a lot of therapy and dismantling of these ideas of what success looks like, because she felt like she to the rest of the world, she looked like she had one, but she was so desperately unhappy. And so, for people in that situation, feddy and I are here to tell you you can live a life that you design, to feel happy, your most authentic, your most chévere.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and I'm surprised that at this day and age middle of 2023, that there's still so many societal conventions that are deep rooted in the shoulds and anybody that listens to my podcast hears me talk about that a lot. Through my own journey, my own transformational journey, i came to an acceptance to live as you are versus as you should be. So tell us how you were able to successfully burn all the shoulds.
Speaker 2:There are always shoulds lurking around, because as you become more and more comfortable going against the grain, you start digging deeper into your foundational self and realizing there's still work to be done. So I feel like it's a never-ending process and it becomes less surprising that it should shows up. But the really great thing about making the decision to be to enjoy the life I'm living, because I think that's what it starts with. It starts with the choice that I'm going to be happy doing this Like I feel like happiness is a destination. It's the journey, not a destination, but it's also a choice. Happiness. You know the cliche life gives you lemons, make margaritas. Or life gives you someone throws tomatoes at you.
Speaker 1:Mescalita. How about a mescalita There?
Speaker 2:you go. You know, whatever your drink of choice, things may not turn out the way we want. I did a podcast episode on this about how I dropped out of the Ivy League and I thought that was the end of the world. But I found a new way forward and I'm happy with that. But I also had to decide to move forward in a different way. Right, pick myself up and realize, no, that wasn't failure, that was a data point. And unhappiness is a huge red flag. That that's a data point. I was so desperately unhappy, i was depressed, and that's a real medical condition, right.
Speaker 2:But the support system all along the way, all along the way of these choices I've made, at the road I have traveled, the journey of happiness, has been supported by different people. You know, there's different chapters of my life. There's different people who showed up in all of those chapters that I could count on to help me continue moving forward. And I think that building those communities, building the family that I wanted, building the friendships that I wanted, building the friendships that I wanted, have been crucial in continuing to move forward and continuing to exist in this way and having the confidence to stand up and say hey. As a child-free Latina I'm doing great. Who wants to come on this journey with me? Because there's a lot of child-free Latinas out there, as I discover every day, and not everyone is out, shall we say. Not everyone is comfortable saying oh, i don't want kids, as opposed to not yet, not yet, and just kicking that conversation down the road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i love the way you put that because, through my own transformational journey and it's the coming out part that you said it was, for me it was like a second coming out And in terms of breaking away from all those shoulds. so it's interesting and so spot on, that being a child-free Latino would have the exact same connotation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the first time. See, I never felt like I had to hide it because I was not the first And there's no one in my life who was waving their flag about being child-free either. They were just silent examples And I was like so when I realized I didn't want kids, like this was the life I was going to live. And it happened in my 20s, by the way, where I became more and more assured that yeah, no, this is me.
Speaker 2:I didn't make a big announcement, but I think that people just understood that, just like I'm a curly-haired, right-handed person I say this all the time I'm also child-free. Like it's just who Paulette is, but that's not true of everyone. And so some people who have talked about coming on as guests one person in particular, the very first person who said this to me I was like, oh, it's like coming out, and I would never want, because as a cis-het woman, i would never want to center myself in the conversation about coming out. I have no idea what that's like for someone who is on LGBTQA plus. I would never want to take that away. But to hear you say it, it made sense too for her to be like I have to hide that part of myself. There is a hiding there that I think there are parallels to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it is interesting because my second coming out in terms of breaking free from the hamster wheel and the nine to five thinking is breaking free from those shackles, I guess, which you talk about in terms of the patriarchy that you talk about on your podcast. So tell us about that experience and how that's connected to your corporate experience as well.
Speaker 2:Right, Because you left a corporate job.
Speaker 2:I'm laughing because I just used that example of leaving my corporate job as an example for a friend who's going through something similar. I left a corporate job because my body gave out due to stress. She is experiencing something similar in her life to a much deeper degree, like her illness. Mine was tolerated, hers required operations and reconstruction, and so we're talking about that journey, she and I, recently, and it's just funny that it comes up again. So, yes, corporate was a rat race.
Speaker 2:I was a meeting planner for 13 years I don't even remember how long 12, 13 years And I actually got to travel to Canada, of where you are on one of my last contracts and beautiful country It is. But it was highly stressful And, like I said, my body gave out. So I had to choose to be okay with my new reality And that is a process And sometimes, as I was telling her, the day I had to close because my husband and I had separate bank accounts as one does your money, my money and then the house money right The day I had to close my personal bank account because now they were charging me since there was no money coming in through direct deposit. How banking is was a very difficult day. I cried. I cried because I felt like I had failed Again. Here's this theme right. I felt like I had failed because now I had to depend on a man to take care of me した. That was so uncomfortable because my entire life I had been taught to be an independent woman. I had been taught never to have to depend on someone else. The difference in my relationship and I hope that this is also a model for other people is that my partner there is no unbalance, there is So, as I was explaining to her, this is so funny. It's like I was rehearsing for this episode. It wasn't that I had to be taken care of. It's that someone was there to offer support for the long term.
Speaker 2:It's like when we got married, we eloped. We eloped because do you want to talk about child-free weddings? because those can be a disaster. We eloped because we knew something was coming. And then we had the big wedding and the disaster happened. But we eloped and it was a very quiet, secret thing. It was just my parents, our wedding planner and a photographer, because you need pictures and you need witnesses. It was perfect. It wasn't the big dream wedding, but it was at the courthouse. What happened on that day was that we went from being a team to being a unit. That unity is what has carried us forward. So when I had this bit of a setback that I had to now depend on him to take care of me because I could not work I could not work. He begged me to leave my job.
Speaker 2:I was like how are we going to survive On what in salary? We live in Los Angeles. It's expensive. He promised me it would work out, that we would figure things out, but we had to do it as a team. That respect and love and support is not me depending on a man to take care of me. Yes, it might look like that, but I know the internal workings of my relationship and she has the same support. She has the same love and support and commitment from her partner. When you find yourself in a relationship like that, that is what success and fulfillment look like. That is how we should be measuring success.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's beautiful. You've said words throughout this podcast about support and unity. On this journey that we're on to live and design alternate lifestyles in our most authentic lives, we need allies and a support system. Tell us about the people that supported you the most.
Speaker 2:Well, there's my husband, besides your husband, of course, ryan.
Speaker 1:Ryan number one Yeah, but your broader support system. I know your mom is so important in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, before Ryan came along. my mother has been there all along. If you've heard my mom on my podcast, she admits that she made mistakes. She was a young mom. She had me at 19. She had my brother at 22. We grew up with her And I don't fault my parents, like they did the best that they knew at the time, but she has always been one of the foundational members of my support system. She never made me feel bad about not wanting kids or bad about dropping out of school or the fallout of that.
Speaker 2:Not everybody in my family was as supportive. I mean, i remember walking out of dinner one time and because the support I expected didn't arrive. So, and then again, like I mentioned, friends from the different chapters of life, there was a photography teacher in college who was again a model of what a middle-aged, child-free woman could look like living her best life, and I was like, oh, there's yet another example. So some of them have been more of a silent support, more like background players in the larger story, and some, like Ryan, are there by my side every day. But today I have a great network of friends and family who I provide support for, and vice versa.
Speaker 2:For some people. I'm the model I get to be that in their lives as they're growing up. For other people. We manifested a group of friends who all just happened to be child-free and love beer. So there's our big hobby was beer. My husband makes beer, so this group coalesced around this one activity, and even though that specific group that we all met through doesn't exist anymore, our friendships remain, and so it's nice to have that as the current support system as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it comes down to building community and finding your tribe. I think that has been one of the most important things. I realized that over the years, part of what didn't seem right was about maybe not that it wasn't about not fitting in I couldn't quite pinpoint it but it was just generally about at the core, about finding your tribe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, finding your people, i think, is the number one, which is why I think it's so important for people like you and me specifically you and me to have these podcasts that communities can build around, because, as a child-free Latina, as a child-free Latina who is also gay, we exist as the pillars of examples for representation that didn't exist prior or wasn't as visible, and Latinos need to be out there. Child-free Latinos need to be out there. Gay Latinos need to be out there. It's a responsibility.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yes, Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we need to represent?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and it took me a long time. Life is a long journey and I'm glad I've come to this moment now, but it took me a long time to have the courage to speak up. What was that like for you? the fear factor, i guess of are you going to burn bridges? What are people going to think?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's still a little bit of that inner critic in there that makes me question if I'm what I'm doing, not that I'm doing it wrong. I'm always going to be representing child-free Latinos, regardless of whether or not I'm talking about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with who I am. I'm great, i'm going to keep learning, i'm going to keep growing and I'm going to keep getting better And I invite people along for the ride. But everybody has an inner critic that can do some damage.
Speaker 2:If you let it, i have learned to manage that voice, the voices, the cacophony of voices, because there's different voices in there And I can almost pinpoint who they are in my life and who they were, because some of them are no longer in my life for good reason, but they still live in here rent-free And I've had to learn how to manage that. I don't know that there was ever any one particular breakthrough time where I was like, oh, i'm confident now. It just kind of it was part of the progress in becoming who I am And I still, you know, there's still times where I'm like, oh, you know, that person's too big for me to contact And then the better side of my brain is like no, they're just a person. They pee and poop just like you do, and that helps really level everything out from like oh my God, they're like Oprah.
Speaker 2:Oprah also puts her pants on one leg at a time And it's true, i know that that's a total cliche, but it really helps. It helps to humanize the person behind the persona, and I just have to remember that I had somebody reach out to me and asked me to be on their show. When they were, they said to me I was like I didn't expect you to say yes, you're so big. And I was like what? And I was like oh lady, i'm just me, and I hope I never lose that part of me, and if I'm conscientious of it, i don't think I will, because I always just want to feel like I'm just me.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and I think you've mentioned there throughout this conversation responsibility, and we all have that inner critic, right? It's never that you're going to reach that level of pure confidence. You know there's so many messages being thrown at us every day in the media that may question, have us question, what we're doing, but for me it comes down to a gut feeling. I want to make sure that a version of me that 20 years from now can look back at this version of me and that I did my absolute best to make sure that they could live their most authentic life.
Speaker 2:I think once you recognize the life purpose, even if it's just for a season of life, it's so much easier to just live in that purpose and be confident about it And create your own metrics by which you measure your success and garner your confidence right Like you've been at this for a year Congratulations, by the way, i saw your anniversary posts on Instagram. Thank you, that is amazing 100%, and hitting those milestones is such a great achievement And you should celebrate them so that you have that confidence to continue moving forward and your community sees it And they feel comfortable celebrating their own milestones. Again, i feel like you and I are just examples for people to look at and be like yeah, i can be like that, i can live my life like that, i can step into this more authentic feeling person and not feel like I'm going to be rejected.
Speaker 1:Yes, because by stepping out there, we also become role models. One of the reasons I launched this podcast is because I didn't see enough of us everyday people going out and speaking their truth. Thank goodness for the celebrities out there that not normalized but, I guess, made Latino cool And no, we do have a lot to thank them for. But now we're at a stage where it's more of everyday stories getting our stories out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you live in Canada, which is a completely different experience than me growing up in Los Angeles And I'm moving to Puerto Rico. So that's going to be a whole new life experience, thank you, and you just left Mexico.
Speaker 1:I know we're all over.
Speaker 2:We're all over and yet we're a completely different type of Latino UNI, you know? I mean, first of all there's the gender difference, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But we grew up with different experiences, like I am half Puerto Rican and half Mexican, but I don't belong to any of the three cultures that coalesce inside me fully. I don't belong completely to the American culture, i don't belong completely to Puerto Rican culture, i don't belong completely to Mexican culture. I embody this intersection, this like a map, this, this weird floating space in between, and there's so few people who also have that specific experience. You know, and when I moved to Puerto Rico, there's going to be Puerto Ricans on the island that I cannot relate to whatsoever because they have a different life experience And so Latinos were also different from one another. And yet we're still kind of viewed through one lens And I think it's important again to be those role models of what Latino, latina, latina looks like And also remember the nuances of the individual.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I think that's the root of the problems that we've had with Latinos fitting into certain cultures, certain corporate cultures And we've been able to successfully do it for years to adapt, but it's the expectation that we needed to be a white version, a white Latino version.
Speaker 2:I think that the one criticism I received as the child and it was from two different people, i can still hear it being said in my head Was that I sounded like a white girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. And when a child says that they don't know any better, okay, because they're just. They're just repeating what they're hearing in their environment, right, but why did I sound like a white girl? Because I grew up around white people, like that's what I knew at the time.
Speaker 2:This move to Puerto Rico is a little bit of a like recapturing, like absolving that little girl inside me of that hurt. We're starting in Puerto Rico because it's for us the gateway to Latin America, because we're American citizens, so working and living in Puerto Rico for a year, we won't have to deal with the visas and the things like that that moving to another country brings with it. It's still the US, for better or for worse. I don't want to get into that, but I am well aware of the challenges that Puerto Ricans face in terms of being a colony of the US. But for me it's about recapturing some of that culture that I don't feel like I really got a chance to appreciate when I was younger Because, again, i grew up in Los Angeles. There aren't a lot of Puerto Ricans here that I'm not related to.
Speaker 1:Well, i think that's going to be a great move. We always go back to the root and, in Spanish, la raíz, which has become so important to me, that symbolism, that imagery of the root, and it's big in the Latin culture, going back to the land of your ancestors. This transformational journey I was on it only could have happened in Mexico, by the beach. I was born on the other side, on the Pacific, but I was born by the water And to be in Playa del Carmen, i just needed to be nursed by the sun, by the water, by the land of my ancestors. And I'm so happy about this experience you're going to have because it sounds like you're doing the same.
Speaker 2:I am, i am And I think that I was listening to you talk in the imagery that that created for the listener is one thing, but you're actually talking about touching the sand and feeling the sun and stepping into the water, and these are tactile things. When people talk about going back to their roots, there's also the doing. It's not just a nice imagery that we can talk about. Going back to the land where your people came from, where blood was shed, where tears were shed, where babies were born. I think that there is something in that, in touching that earth and breathing that air and drinking that water, that is transformative for us And, like you said, it nourished you.
Speaker 2:And I don't know that being in Puerto Rico is going to solve the hurt that this little girl experienced, but I know it is another chapter of my life that I have to have. I have to live among the Puerto Rican culture to really experience it for myself, not just through the eyes of my family and my relatives and my fathers from there. And I don't want to see Puerto Rico through his eyes. I want to live it through my own experience And I want to, whether or not I'm accepted as a Puerto Rican, because, whatever, there's still a lot of stigma around Americans going to Puerto Rico for different reasons than mine. Let's be very clear There's a part of me that needs the healing that comes from being where my ancestors were.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you know what. And then you'll get some perspective If and when your life journey takes you back to the US, because our stories are so similar the duality of me growing up in Canada, being Mexican, the duality of being gay and living in a straight world. There's all these different cultures that we're managing, so where do we fit in?
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly. We have to carve out our own. Like I was saying earlier, i am at the intersection of three different cultures And people want to erase the Puerto Rican because they are American. But that's like saying Californians and Georgians are the same just because we're both American. There's a lot of differences between us that people are very proud of. So I need to carve out my own space, and what that's going to look like in the future I don't know, but I'm so excited for it And how. You were talking about how, 20 years from now, the person you're going to become, i'm laying the foundation today for the person I'm going to be in 20 years. I think we both are, and once we realize this is the life we want to lead, we get to make all the preparations for it So that future us can look back on, present us and be like yes, thank you.
Speaker 1:So I need to ask you about this, because what we're talking about is liberation and embracing freedom, and one of the things I've struggled with is to not come across as a victim While still telling my story, because I have to tell my story. So I had a bit of a breakthrough recently where I reframed it and thought, maybe, in telling the story that I used to think was coming across as a victim, that is freedom, because I'm embracing my platform to have a voice. So tell us about how those two ideas victimization and freedom can coexist.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, i think that recognizing the various ways we've been victimized is actually powerful. People have been hurt in ways that they didn't see coming. That they didn't ask for was a product of circumstances, and that's not their fault. But recognizing it and wallowing it are two very different things. Right, and I think what you relate back to is your freedom came through storytelling, and storytelling is so powerful.
Speaker 2:Storytelling is how our traditions have been passed on since the beginning of time, when oral language first existed. It existed long before written language, so the way that our traditions and our expertise were passed down was spoken word. And all the myths and the stories. They all had moral points And so, like, our morality was taught through storytelling, these fables, and so it would make sense that sharing your story is where your freedom came from, because you are no longer shackled to the story. You're writing the new ending And I had a great guest.
Speaker 2:I think I'm gonna re-release this in the future. Talia spoke about how she's a storyteller. She's working on her PhD And it's around storytelling and traditions and how you know. Oh my God, it's just so beautiful. I'm gonna send you the link so you can put it in the show notes for people to listen to, because she spoke about storytelling in such a beautiful way and how it touches all of us. But there's the child in all of us who never gives up, wanting to hear stories, wanting to tell stories, wanting to be in the story, and I think that's just part of the human experience.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yes, we need to be empowered to be the storytellers And I love how you put that writing a new ending to our stories. And that's exactly what we're doing, and I mean, that's talking about endings. We're gonna start to wrap things up.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, that flew by.
Speaker 1:I know, i think we could talk for days And I think, paula, you'll need to come back, because I'm so invigorated by having someone like me out there, although we're very different.
Speaker 2:We're very different, but we're the same, But we're the same same same but different.
Speaker 1:So I think this conversation needs to be continued in the future, but for now, anything else that you would like to add?
Speaker 2:Wow, i didn't realize the time. I had so much fun with you, feta, thank you so much for having me on. I do wanna let your audience know they can come check you out on the other side of the mic on my episode as well. We'll have a little cross promo there, but this has been awesome. I love what you're doing. I think what you're doing with your podcast is so important. It's so, so important for people like you and the guests that you bring on to be visible, and so thank you for providing this platform for us.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you, and you're doing the same. So, yeah, let's have a moment to pat ourselves on the back because, like you say, all the time we need to celebrate our wins.
Speaker 2:We do need to celebrate our wins, and every day is an opportunity for another win.
Speaker 1:And to anybody that's listening on my podcast go check out Polette, and I was honored to have to be a guest on hers And yeah, so thank you for that invitation as well. Thank you for being here. Have a great day.
Speaker 2:Thanks, you too.
Speaker 1:And that's today's episode. As always, thank you for listening, have an amazing day and keep on living Time on.