The Father Factor Podcast
The Father Factor Podcast
with Byron Ricks, Joshua Warmbrodt, and Brandon Ricks
What happens when fatherhood leaves a void—or when it shows up with strength, wisdom, and love?
Join Byron Ricks, author of Searching for Dad: The Nine Side Effects of Growing Up Fatherless and How to Overcome Them, alongside co-hosts Joshua Warmbrodt and Brandon Ricks, for honest, transformative conversations about fatherhood, identity, healing, and legacy.
Whether you’re navigating life without a father, striving to become the father you never had, or raising a child impacted by fatherlessness—this podcast is for you.
With real stories, research-backed insight, and heartfelt wisdom, The Father Factor Podcast creates space for growth, understanding, and redemption. Because no matter where you start, healing is possible—and legacy can be rewritten.
The Father Factor Podcast
Navigating Challenges and Emotions in the Journey of Dad Life
Ever tried moving into a new home solo while juggling fatherhood? Josh has, and trust us, it's a tale you won't want to miss. Picture this: rescheduled closing dates, delayed carpet installations, and a malfunctioning iPhone all while his wife was away. Yet, amid the chaos, Josh managed to attend his daughter's pivotal conference at the American Airlines Center. Hear how he navigated these hurdles with perseverance and the relentless dedication it takes to be a superdad.
Have you ever thought about how honesty shapes your relationships? Through childhood stories and professional experiences, we expose the profound impact of honesty and emotional intelligence. From a strict middle school teacher who valued truth over punishment to a mother who insisted on owning up to mistakes, discover how these lessons have forged our approach to emotional intelligence. We even touch on how these principles translate to professional life, particularly in sales, where managing emotions can significantly enhance relationships and career success.
Imagine attending a concert that’s not your style just to support your daughter. In this episode, we share how such moments teach emotional intelligence and reinforce fatherly dedication, especially from the perspective of a black man. We also dive into the importance of respecting rank and responding wisely, using experiences from the Air Force and personal encounters with law enforcement. Learn about the delicate balance of maintaining moral integrity and respect for authority, emphasizing that these principles are universal truths crucial for fatherhood and beyond.
Keep in touch.
Email: Brm2@fatherfactorpodcast.com
Follow us on Instagram Like us on Facebook
https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, Byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, Josh Wombrot. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives. Hello, Josh my man. What's happening? It takes more than sex to be a dad. It takes more, more, more, more.
Speaker 3:How you doing my man.
Speaker 2:Man, I'm good you good, A bit tired Tired yeah you moved, right Moved.
Speaker 3:I had to play superdad during the move. How?
Speaker 1:so.
Speaker 3:Man, the closing. They got pushed back. So push back, I mean it messed up everything. Everything was lined up just right. You know in hindsight I'm thankful for some of it. We had the closing date changed. The carpet was available, perfect timing for us with the original closing date. New carpet in the bedrooms and they're replacing that old.
Speaker 2:This is our first renovation right, you know, we've always, we've always built brand new homes.
Speaker 3:This is the first time buying a pre-owned or pre-loved home. Yeah and uh, yeah. So we've been hard at work. The closing got pushed off to the next week. My wife was out of town for some, I think the NACHA conference.
Speaker 2:You know it's the National.
Speaker 3:Association of Payments or wire transfer, something with all the financial stuff.
Speaker 1:She likes to nerd out, she's in banking, right, right.
Speaker 3:So she was gone. No way around it. This is part of her keeping those special letters after her name, and so I knew there was no way. So I had to pull out the move myself, push back movers. Carpet got pushed back to two days after we moved in so we couldn't truly move in. We had to stack stuff up, like Tetris, which stacked up the moving company's pockets, because it wasn't just move it here, move it here, boom, boom, boom, get out. It was rearranging trying to figure it out all of that.
Speaker 3:It was a mess. And then, because the lovely Mavs you know won the conference and moved on, they had to reschedule a conference my daughter and wife were going to go to together.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:And so they moved it to that same day we actually had to move, and so my wife said there's no way. I'm sorry, I'm in Orlando and I just, it's her senior year I felt bad.
Speaker 1:You had to put your daddy pants on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'm talking about oh man, many hours and we have movers, but there's still a lot to do, especially by myself. So I'd say 14 hours of just straight, you know, doing what I need to do while they're doing what they needed to do, trying to make this happen for her. And then, so much so that, you know, the iPhone cursed me that day, man. It bounced around in my pocket and locked and I didn't know it locked. You know it locks if you put the wrong password in Right, it locks for five minutes. I'll reach my pockets. It's locked for an hour.
Speaker 2:An hour no.
Speaker 3:I didn't know that and so I'm like cool, I'll get to it later. And so I'm like cool, I'll get to it later, it's fine, somehow that next hour I typed in the password wrong. It was locked for four hours. So I'm having to communicate through the Apple Watch with anybody moving. It was just a wild, wild day. I won't get into all the details of that, but I ended up having to jump in the shower, get her up to this conference at the American Airline Center from Keller to downtown Dallas, got there right as she was hitting the stage, missed all of her intro people, all of that, and we were also staying in a suite for it. So we get up the elevator, get up there, get situated. The lady thought I was. I guess she thought I was attractive, I guess I get my father's charm, and so she made sure that my beverage was very topped off. So we go sit down. I'm like, oh, this will be a great day. I finally relaxed. Nice recliner chairs up there. And I forgot something in the car Long day, tired.
Speaker 3:I go down the elevator back out, had my VIP wristband, all of that, told the man tiredly. I'm running to the house real quick, I'll be right back. He heard house and there's no re-entry. Thus they re-scanned your badge or something like that. Re-entry didn't register to me. I ran to the car, came right back, less than five minutes to register to me. I ran to the car, came right back Less than five minutes Because you've been to American Airlines, I'm in the Lexus parking garage, it's right there. And they're like nah, so now I'm arguing with them for an hour, trying to get back into my daughter who I mean?
Speaker 3:I got a good 45 minutes of the concert in with her and it was the her. The lady's boss came out to talk to me. And it was the lady's boss came out to talk to me. She thought I was lying, said hey, at least get me my. I don't even have my keys. At least go up there and get my keys. And she hit her with that stale face, like she went up there, saw a baby girl up there, say, baby girl, 18-year-old, gets the keys, comes down. Now is trying to talk her into a ploy to changing her decision, because this is a different circumstance than they realized. Nah, shorty is hell-bent on. Nope, I made the decision, I'm sticking to my decision. So it got to the point where I was just standing outside the American Airlines Center waiting for my daughter to come out of the concert she wanted to see.
Speaker 2:I'm tired.
Speaker 3:I'm tired, Legs already hurt. They got me out there standing Negotiating. I mean I say I got pretty fun in negotiation. I won them all over but that one. So I felt like super dad. You know you're moving this stuff, You're trying to get this going. Wife's out of town Directing movers.
Speaker 1:So your daughter was at the concert by herself.
Speaker 3:basically, she got about, I'd say, a solid hour with me, 45 minutes to an hour with me, and then that second hour. You know I was nah, she didn't have me. She probably enjoyed herself and they wouldn't let you back in because what they said there's no reentry. And I explained to security guards like hey, no, he must have missed. I told them. I said, look, I live in Fort Worth. How would I go home and come back? I said I meant the car. If I said that I meant the car, or maybe he thought I said home, I don't know. But no, I was being very nice, respectful, I was taking my responsibility for not noticing the words reentry. So I was taking like for not noticing the words re-entry, right, uh. So I was taking like, look, it's my fault, I get it.
Speaker 2:You know, sometimes if you just you know, humbly, talk through it, you can get what you want yeah, and that's what we got to, and she just basically she said look, I'm I want to side with my employee.
Speaker 3:Let me go see if I can get her over, find, find the guard again all of that. And so American Airlines Center did their job, keeping me out to building.
Speaker 3:I don't know if there's any other threats in the building that night but they kept me out though I wasn't a threat, but yeah, it was about a 30-minute, you know negotiation. And she came back to me. She said at this point there's 30 minutes left of that concert. If that she's stuck on this, I really don't want to overturn her decision in front of the entire staff over 30 minutes. I think she's making the wrong decision. But I appreciate the way you've approached this and I said look, I ain't going to bring no smoke your way with them. But I said, man, you know she definitely got a power trip. And she said oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to talk to her. So I mean, I can't say nothing more.
Speaker 1:You know what, though, man? One thing I get from that you as a man, as a person, as a father, you took responsibility too. It wasn't all their fault, no, no, no, now they could have let you back in. Yeah, they had a rule, I get that. And yeah, your daughter was in there, but your daughter wasn't six, she's 18.
Speaker 3:Right, and I told him that from jump, I said my teen daughter it's not like she's 13, she's 18. I'm going to be real with y'all. I wanted to express that so they could see. Look, I'm being authentic with you, Right, and, you know, trying to just talk to this.
Speaker 1:But also you were humble, you humbled yourself, and that's, you know. Sometimes we think as men, we got to be macho and we got to flare up. And you know you didn't. No, and because you would have just made the situation worse, right right you know, as it were, you weren't able to spend those last times with your daughter, but I'm sure your daughter had fun.
Speaker 3:She probably turned up and I wasn't even there because she was in the box by herself.
Speaker 1:So I'm sure that. But you know, we need a lot more of that in America today, I think, because today man Americans get angry so quickly. I was in a men's group yesterday actually, and I was talking about this situation. Where I was in, I was getting my car. You know, here you've got to get the safety check before you can renew your license.
Speaker 2:Not your driver's license, your registration.
Speaker 1:Your registration, thank you. And I got to the place and it closed at 5. I got there somewhere around 445. Guy looked at me and he said and he looked out, he said, okay, I got a bay open. He said I can get you in, I got a bay open. He said, okay, I got a bay open. He said I can get you in, I got a bay open. So about 5.55, a woman came in and he looked at her and he said ma'am, this gentleman is the last one we're taking. We don't have, and we close at five. We won't be able to complete your car today. You know, if you come back tomorrow, we get it done.
Speaker 1:Man, this woman cursed, you know. She pushed something that was on the counter and she stormed out and she had on a cross. Oh, yeah, you know. And the guy looked at her and said Christians. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know. And so, and he said what he said, and when he finished I said well, you know, man, I'm a Christian also and we all don't behave that way. And he just laughed. He said well, no, I wasn't trying to, it wasn't meant for you, man. I said no, I understand what it was, who it was meant toward, but what I wanted you to know is that we all don't behave that way.
Speaker 2:Right, okay.
Speaker 1:Even with you as a African. What do you call yourself? Banana, bananican.
Speaker 2:Or.
Speaker 3:African American African.
Speaker 1:American banana, banana or african-american, african-american. But but still, when you look at you, we see a, a, uh, a black man or a man of african descent, very large right, like six, whatever right. So here you are. Uh, not fitting into that expectation of how they think we should act. Yeah, I'm out here, yeah, I'm trying to negotiate, but you know I'm not flexing right, I'm just trying to get back into my daughter. I acknowledge I made a mistake. Yeah, okay, but can I get back into my daughter? But at the end of the day, they stuck to their guns and you also maintained your humility and humbleness.
Speaker 3:I thanked them. I appreciated her for taking. She took 30 minutes. Supervisor took 30 minutes out of her day to come discuss something that they could point to the door. No re entry.
Speaker 2:It's right there.
Speaker 3:You're right, it's right there. I have nothing to say other than I messed up Long day. It's right there. I have nothing to say other than I messed up. Long day was moving Just it didn't process.
Speaker 2:I told him running out to the car.
Speaker 3:He said house. I said I live in Fort Worth, I can't. If I said house, I misspoke Right. Have you ever done that Right? And what's crazy is I might be real wrong, but I really think the supervisor may have been one of my old deans in the Collin County School District when I went there for a stint.
Speaker 1:Okay, A stint like you're in prison.
Speaker 3:I spent a lot of time in ISS at that school.
Speaker 1:Now what is ISS?
Speaker 3:in school suspension. Oh, my goodness, I was on, you know me and miss greenwich, for, uh, we was close, close, yeah, um, so that's what you remind me of, but that's how I used to handle her back in the day too, not, I didn't realize until, like man, I wonder if that was because she was about aged appropriately. Um, same smile man. I may have re-encountered an old dean, that, really, where I learned some of that, because I had, like we talked about the side effects, right, that silent anger, right, and it used to rile out of me and it uncontrolled me when I felt like I was being done wrong.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And that was a situation I was wrong, like, come on, man. You went up there. You saw the box seating or the suites right for this concert were empty.
Speaker 3:Right, we were one of the only people on the entire floor up there and and she got your keys right, she got my keys, so so my drink still sitting there, right, you know? Obviously planned returning and that's where she came back with softer eyes. It was like, all right, let's talk, because I set the expectation for her and whereas before I used to get angry and rah, rah, rah, rah. You know they call them Chads and Karens. Now, right, that's what they call them, it's a Karen and they say a male. Karen is a Chad. Oh, a male, a male. Karen is a chad.
Speaker 3:So I wasn't trying to be in the chad, okay, right, because the reality is I walked out, made my mistake and, uh, didn't even have my keys, so I couldn't even get into my car. For what I went out there? For just an inhaler. I was gonna hit my albuterol and I was all right. You know, it's cool, I've survived worse, I'll just go back in and not so I can't get to the car, I can't get in in. Yeah, boom, boom. But I was frustrated, I was tired, I was ready to, but I recognize that the consequence of silent anger, when it does erupt, is more anger Is more anger, yes, and oftentimes it's anger towards self, yes, and let me say it's healthy.
Speaker 3:I think it's healthier when there's anger towards self in that moment, because you're reflecting on your mistakes. Now, if you're justifying, no, that's them, it's all them, it's them, them, them, them, no, no, it's healthier to take some accountability. A lot of times I used to take it in hindsight. Dang, I was wrong. I apologize, but learning how to do it in the.
Speaker 3:Moment was one of the things that I had to really work towards, because I learned that consequence many times and I watched Miss Greenwich Hopefully, if you remember me, that was you, if not great, you know. Hopefully, if you remember me, that was you, if not great, it prompted it. But I used to watch how people go in there and try to just talk, try to oh, we know, try to talk their way out of it and she didn't like any BS. Just be straight with me.
Speaker 3:She was one of those. Just, I don't care how bad it is, just tell me straight, It'll be better than if I have to dig it out of you and I go in there. Smile at her. I hope your morning's going well. Why are you in here again? Got to the point I remember she said oh man, it's 10 am, Josh must be out there. Yes, ma'am, and I come in there. What happened? And so whenever I was consistent Like yeah, I did that, yeah, I jumped my bike into class. It was crazy, yes, you did what Jumped my bike. The choir class was next to the bike racks and I heard that bell and I just went for it. This was middle school. It was a terrible child and she thought it was like, wow, that's the boldest, wildest referral I've ever read. But why?
Speaker 3:And I told, told her I was running late, thought it'd be funny you know, and she was always yelling at me for being late and I just wanted to show her my efforts and she loved that I was honest. So when I was wronged and I stood tall on nah, that's not she believed me because she said you've always been honest with me. And so I learned a great lesson from her, watching her interact with other people trying to lie and then being honest with her, because many times my honesty saved me when it was things that was being pinned on me. So that's one thing I've tried to teach my kids. And standing on and all of that, my son was going to camp that next week. So it's interesting, some of the lessons we learn through consequence.
Speaker 1:You know my mom was big on truth as well, as it related to me growing up. I remember she would say to me if you tell me the truth, I won't spank you. I won't spank you and you may get punished. It just depends, you know, on the circumstances. But you're always going to do better with me by telling me the truth. Yep, you know, and I would always tell my mother the truth, and sometimes I'd get suspended, but she did. It was true to her, her words, she never spanked me. Once I told the truth, she would say, okay, no tv for two days, whatever that you know, yeah. Or or sometimes she would just you know, show me love. She said you know, you told the truth, you know, and don't do that again, you know. Or sometimes she would even say when you do that again, you know. Or sometimes she would even say when you do that, this is how it makes me feel or this is how it reflects on me as a mom.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And all of a sudden then she put me in her shoes, so I would understand how my behavior impacted her, right, you know? And so she was very good at that. She was teaching emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence yeah, here you go. Yep, she was teaching it.
Speaker 3:And that's one thing I so in the business world.
Speaker 3:I've been consulting and helping with branding and that's really my niche is like, especially when it comes to the sales organization side, as I like to train we can train sales strategy, all that stuff like everybody else can.
Speaker 3:But the emotional intelligence aspect is so important in any organization, any relationship, especially when you've got a bunch of ADD sales reps out here that nobody understands how are you getting this done looking like you're doing nothing. So teaching that emotional intelligence? Because I know lots of highly intelligent, iq, intelligent, right, but they don't do well with relationship, they don't do well with they get passed up for promotions, things like that, because a lot of times they're missing that piece. So I think that's just a blessing that your mom instilled that into you at a young age, because a lot of times people have to learn it through lessons that are tangible, they can really grasp or through, like I learned it through trauma and just life response solely. My parents were not neither one of them to this day are very emotional intelligent and I'm not saying that as a disrespect to them no, no, no, a lot of people aren't.
Speaker 1:In fact, I was introduced to emotional intelligence. I went to a I guess, a seminar, daniel Goldman, back in 90-whatever it was four maybe and he had just written a book on emotional intelligence. Now he's the foremost guru of it in today's time, but it was long before him as well. But he actually put it back on the map in the 90s emotional intelligence, daniel Goldman and I bought his book, you know, right there at the seminar, and it just was mind opening for me. And it just was mind-opening for me because when you talk about emotional intelligence, we are talking about being able to not just understand our own emotions and read our own emotions, but you have to be able to read the emotions within the room Right and know how to then respond to those emotions. Sometimes you have to put your own emotions or feelings at bay such that you can deal with whatever the emotions are in the room, right, right, I mean that's hard.
Speaker 3:That's discipline, that's control. Sometimes it's, I mean, it's something that can be learned.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 3:And that's something I want to put out there that just because you've been an IQ individual, you know there's an ability to learn emotional intelligence and that's one thing I tried to instill with my children. My wife focuses more on the IQ side and there's no knock to her. I know where I shine and that's with the EQ. I want my kids to have a fighting chance because you can. You know my daughter's going to college here in August pre-med and like, all right, well, you weren't a fighting chance, you could be the most brilliant doctor ever. But if you don't know how to read the room and get along with people, you think about Gladwell Gladwell talked about I think it was Gladwell who talked about the suing for malpractice. Yes, it came more so from the bedside manner than the actual event.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that story, the lack thereof, in fact. The story. The lady was suing the doctors but she wasn't suing one doctor, Because when you sue, they sue the anesthesiologists, they sue the anesthesiologist, they sue the nurse with the bedpan, they sue everybody, right? That's just how lawsuits go. And she wasn't suing her primary doctor. And they asked her well, how come you're not suing him? Because he recommended you to the surgeon? And she said, well, I'm not suing him because he is nice. Yes, bedside manner, bedside manner, you know, and a lot of doctors don't have that Right?
Speaker 3:And a lot of. I think that bedside manner is a great word for medical.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But there's bedside manner in sales.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:There's bedside manner in everything. The customer service is just another word for bedside manner. Customer success is another word. Customer relationship, all of that, while it's that interaction, the goal is to resolve the problem not to throw a fit and hopefully and going back to what you said of that guy with Christians, well, the reality is not all Christians are like that. There's many shapes and sizes of Christians and behavior types of all of that.
Speaker 3:But one thing that a lot of people see communicated is the entitlement that a Christian holds Because I love Jesus, you should do X Now. They may not be saying that, but he sees that cross and sees this lady throwing a fit, wanting her service done now, and they're seeing this entitled.
Speaker 1:But also there's an expectation that comes when you wear that cross and anybody that's grown up anywhere you know has read any Bible or gone to any church. Then there's an expectation of behavior from Christians and Christians get that hypocrite label put on them all the time because there's an expectation, just like with a father, or just like with you being a black man, you know, in American Airlines Center, you know your daughter's trapped Not, she's not trapped, but she's in there, she's trapped in luxury, Exactly, and you outside. There's this expectation of how they thought you were going to act, but you didn't act that way. They didn't call the police. Why didn't they call the police? Because you gave them no cause to call the police.
Speaker 3:There's expectations of behavior that are out there, right, and that's the thing For me. I'm an aggressive driver, so I don't want to cross in the back of my car. I'm going to be real. I don't want to misbrand.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny. No, you say that and I laugh at that because I was at men's Bible study yesterday and Alex who leads it, the different teachers teach, but Alex is the founder of it and he wears a cross. You know, and we were talking about that, we were in a book of Romans and we were talking about showboating, if you will, and Christians, and also they're talking about the Jews in those times. But I'm not going to get into that lesson. And I said the same thing you just said. I said you know what? I stopped wearing a cross because I have been in situations in the public where I didn't represent that cross properly. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:No for sure, and Alex says well, I do the complete opposite. Byron, he said I wear a cross because this helps me to control myself. I know I have this cross on and which is great, I mean whatever it takes, but I know me, I know me and every now and then I've run into situations where I did not do that cross justice the things I said, my behavior, and I was embarrassed by that, and I was embarrassed that I represented god in that way or misrepresented him, you know. In other words, I wasn't that person and I'm not saying nobody, you know, judged me and I, I judged myself in that, I, I wasn't that. So I, like you, said I don't have to cross in the car because I'm, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean no doubt All right.
Speaker 1:But here's the deal. That's about knowing thyself, right, self-awareness, self-awareness, which is a part of emotional intelligence. Yep, right, self-awareness. In fact, that's the first aspect of emotional intelligence. When you look at the emotional intelligence diagram, the very first point on there is self-awareness Yep.
Speaker 3:No. So I mean and that's the thing I think is self-awareness, uh, situational awareness. There's a lot of different awarenesses but again, when you get into a situation, you realize what's going on, you're aware of it and you know yourself, then you, you really have the best chances of navigating whatever that situation is for me. Yeah, did I want to be at that concert? No, not really. It wasn't my type of music, not at all. Baby girl does not like my music much. I'm not big into her music and that's okay.
Speaker 3:But I went with her, we had a good time. She saw the grind, she saw the dedication to her. So I know it's a successful night. I left there and I know that them because they called security at first, because they thought I was fitting, because I was smiling, right, I was trying to k, I'm trying to disarm everybody, and then I'm seeing a couple guys moving in and in my head it's like it's not gonna be that serious. And if it was like, come on, come on, bro, y'all all right, you know what I'm saying, the five feet tall dudes we had some guys that was I wouldn't say in shape, but they was out of shape.
Speaker 3:Some of the bigger guys. I just I can see a steady a person steady on their feet and I'm not going to fight y'all to come back into this concert. If this was something I was into, probably not still.
Speaker 1:Not now, not today, 20 years ago maybe.
Speaker 3:Maybe not today.
Speaker 3:Yeah because I even got on there and said, fine, I'll buy another ticket and then I'll just be past your door and I'll just go show my band. And then I didn't know who we were seeing and I looked up the wrong concert, couldn't find it. He was saying so know your kids too, but it could have been very different. You know it could have been. She would have had the keys, she wouldn't have been able to get home, all of that. Parking was easy. You know I love American Airlines Center, but it could have been ended differently.
Speaker 3:Super dad turned into mom's out of town. I gotta bail dad out. So it's one of those things that I really think that, when it comes to fatherhood, whether it be the side effects of not having one, whether it be being a father that had a great father, a poor father, an absent father, but you as a father had a great father, a poor father, an absent father, but you as a father I believe we are the ones that are supposed to be teaching a lot more of the emotional intelligence, because, especially for us black men because it's not just this is how men act. This is some of the cautionary things that we, as black men yeah, you can do that here, right, but when you go out to, yeah, you can do that here, right, but when you go out to there, you can't move that way.
Speaker 1:You know I I I've been stopped by police so many times in my life and I've not been beaten up and obviously I'm not dead, because I was taught how to respond to a police officer and I'm not justifying a police officer's actions by any stretch of the imagination. They've done some abusive things to black men and black women, for that matter. But sometimes when I watch the videos and I watch the behavior of some of these guys, you know it's like man, this guy, he's, it's the police, they're the authorities. They've stopped you, they have a gun, the tone that they talk to the policeman and how they respond to some people are going to not like this. Or the police is this that they are. I'm not making excuses for the police. I'm also not making excuses for those who don't don't treat the police with the the respect that they deserve as being law enforcement.
Speaker 1:I remember when I was in the air force and I uh, that was this uh sergeant who was just a butthole, just a butthole. It's a female sergeant too, and she just a butthole, just a butthole. It's a female sergeant too, and she was a butthole for whatever reason. And I remember she was Miss Lackland and she wrote me up and she sent me down to the commander. And the commander happened to be a black guy and he said, byron, he'd heard her story, heard my story. I explained to him what was going on and she wanted to recycle me. So that means I would have to start basic training all over. And he said, byron, I'm not going to recycle you. He said but this is what I want you to understand.
Speaker 1:She may have been wrong. However, she outranks you and you need to show her the respect of that rank. And you didn't do that. But I'm going to give you a pass because you didn't know any better. I'm not going to give you a pass because you didn't know any better. Yeah, I'm not going to recycle you, I'm going to put you back in your guys and squadron. And he said but understand this If you stay here, one day a young man of your intellect will have a much higher rank than you have. You'll be a sergeant, you may even be an officer at some point, and you may not come across well to others, but they will have to respect your rank. So learn that in life, respect the rank. You're not respecting the person, but you're respecting the rank, because if you you have that rank, you're going to warrant that.
Speaker 3:Respect yourself great lesson no great lesson, absolutely for me, for you and I. I agree with some of that right, because I'll break rank.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you I, if I have to, I will, you know, it's just I wasn't uh well, sometimes it may be necessary, but but still you got gotta have that basic foundation. See the thing?
Speaker 3:the loyalty, loyalty, obedience, all that stuff that's easy like that just come natural for me, right? I rank, rank when it doesn't, when it disagrees with whatever the moral compass is, whatever that case is. God says something and then also I'll tell, like we talk about wearing that cross sometimes, you know, when I snap it'll take a lot I mean it'll take more than the average to get me there, because I remember I can't remember who said it, but they said something along the lines of what's the difference between a good man and a nice man, of what's the difference between a good man and a nice man. You know, a good man is something that's controlled, disciplined. They may have the ability to take you out, but they choose not to A nice man. If they had the ability, could they, would they?
Speaker 3:You know, when you are in a place where weakness or you're lacking, maybe it's the intellect to fight the correct way, whether it be fairly, legally, streetwise, whatever the case is, and so you revert to being nice or okay, or people pleasing. You know that could be the nice guy. When they say nice guys finish last, and I explain that to my son especially like look, you can be a nice man, you can be a good man. A nice man is people pleased, but a lot of times it's frustrated. He's he's being nice. I want to be good.
Speaker 3:A good man is not always nice, okay you know, sometimes you know your good man got a bark now a good man starts, you know, cold, cordial, trying to look for resolution.
Speaker 3:That's why how I operate I look for resolution and if I find there's no resolution I'm cool, right. But that comes back with learning, emotions, uh, the intelligence. And then going into rank, I had an officer. I've had two really bad incidents. Let me say one really bad incident, one that could have been bad for him. At one point I got pulled out in Stewart Florida because my shoes is blue and gray and my license plate light was dim Not out, but dim. Pulled out the car, accused of being a gang member based on the colors I was wearing, knee to the neck, like Floyd, being threatened. I'm on the way to the hospital because the girlfriend at the time was in a head-on collision. I'm trying to get there. That's the only thing that saved me. I'm yelling and screaming look it up, look it up, look it up. Just ask if there was any head-on collisions on this road. That's what got me out of that. I don't know what the outcome would have been, but there was some old country, nasty men.
Speaker 1:No, I agree man.
Speaker 2:And I was complying.
Speaker 3:I just I want to make that I did respond. Now I've had incidents where you know I did not, I was out of control.
Speaker 1:So I've had that. A bad cop is a bad cop, right, let's get it.
Speaker 3:And just like there's a bad Christian, is a bad Christian, but a bad person is a bad person, A bad person is a bad person.
Speaker 1:Yet I guess my point simply is you talking to that bad person a certain way is not going to be to your benefit.
Speaker 3:Right, because I may conquer you as the person Like, for example, I dealt with a colony officer I probably won't say his name just because, but I won't even get into that story. But it ended with me you know him threatening me and I'm calling him big man. You, big man, Come on, big man, you want to do that? Pull me out, pull that flashlight out. Big man, you want to do that? Pull me out, pull that flashlight out, big man, and see how far that gets you. And I was at that point. You've threatened me. I've done nothing wrong.
Speaker 3:I called you out for what you did Try out your traffic violation, that you got mad at me, and now you're threatening to hit me with your flashlight. You're threatening to do this and that's why I went stupid. I'll just say that I lost mine. I'm like let's go square up, let's go, and I would have conquered that person, but I would have lost everything. Oh, you beat it up, an officer, that the force coming in. I'm not going to get to that cell without being lumped up right now. I got all type of the face of judge. There's so many layers of consequences that I think that where are hurt? Um, and we go back to silent anger.
Speaker 3:We go back to a lot of those side effects where we see an out of control man, um emotional, angry, feeling like he was done wrong, didn't have the voice to express himself when he was younger, so now he is acting that with his hands and the lack of thought of the consequences that come cascading down on that and that's one of the things is that as you go through life, you hopefully learn that. But if we can get to our kids all of that before, like we talked about, how do you walk? How do you respond when an officer comes up to the car? Both hands are on your wheel. This is what you need to act like. These are the rules, because we get stopped for DWB. Collin County is famous.
Speaker 1:I don't like it over here.
Speaker 3:DWB right Driving while black I've had guns drawn on me in Plano at 18 years old, eating a Jack in the Box, arguing with my baby mama and guns drawn on me. You fit the description. So there's things that do happen and there's been times that I was rightfully surrounded. There's been times, but at the end of the day, is if you react you about that life.
Speaker 1:I'm too good looking to go to jail. Shit, I can't go to jail.
Speaker 3:See, I don't want the jail part isn't the worst part, it's the lack, I guess the lack of control. I've said it before Sometimes I just want to take a weekend off and just slip on that real thin mattress. That's good for your back. No, no.
Speaker 1:Now you said that at one of our other shows, but that's baloney right there. I don't know what you get there.
Speaker 3:I don't want no years or months.
Speaker 1:I don't want no hour A weekend here or there, no, no, I don't want no hour A weekend here or there. No, no, I don't want to be locked up, but I don't want it on my rap sheet, I don't even want to be locked up in my own house and I got all the amenities I want in my house. I don't know, See you be about that life? I'm not about that life.
Speaker 3:There's something about the silence. I guess that comes, I mean silence, even though there's noise everywhere.
Speaker 1:I can have silence at home, but you know I'm not looking to go to jail. I just wanted to listen. No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm an American. I'm spoiled. American Shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just wanted to listen, no, I'm not out here looking to commit crimes or anything like that, but I think really I'm saying with all this was I responded rather than reacting, and that's really the difference. You know, check that. Are you responding to situations? Are you reacting to situations?
Speaker 1:Right, there's a difference. There's a difference. Hey, you know this has been a good talk. I learned some stuff today, Josh, and you know what? Though, While I'm here at this, I want to give a shout out to our friend Ernest B's BBQ in.
Speaker 3:Frisco oh man.
Speaker 1:Man, if you like smoked barbecue, you got to go by Ernest B's.
Speaker 3:And I heard that Catfish is available not just on the weekends anymore. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I heard it's available during the week. Now, okay, you know, and don't be mad at me if you change that for the rush, I know right, but yeah.
Speaker 1:So hey, when you go to Ernest B's in Frisco, texas, you tell them the Father Factor sent you, okay. Also, I want to give a shout-out to Flewellen's Cupcakes If you're down at American Airlines Center for any of the Mavs games or the Stars games Also, he has a store down in Dallas. He used to have one in Frisco. I'm not sure if that one's open anymore, but he's a good friend of mine and he has the best cupcakes in town. Flewellen's Cupcakes. Ernest B's Barbecue.
Speaker 3:I'm upset now because I could have sent her in for the cupcake rather than them keys, but that's another time.
Speaker 1:Okay, you've been listening to the father factor. I'm Byron, my cohost is Josh. One brought and until next time, hey, thank you. This is Byron, the father factor podcast. Thank you for listening. If you'd like what you've heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show.
Speaker 2:And to the fathers out there remember all your children are equally yours. It take more than names to be a man oh yeah. It take more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to beat a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to beat the bad oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more.
