The Father Factor Podcast
The Father Factor Podcast
with Byron Ricks, Joshua Warmbrodt, and Brandon Ricks
What happens when fatherhood leaves a void—or when it shows up with strength, wisdom, and love?
Join Byron Ricks, author of Searching for Dad: The Nine Side Effects of Growing Up Fatherless and How to Overcome Them, alongside co-hosts Joshua Warmbrodt and Brandon Ricks, for honest, transformative conversations about fatherhood, identity, healing, and legacy.
Whether you’re navigating life without a father, striving to become the father you never had, or raising a child impacted by fatherlessness—this podcast is for you.
With real stories, research-backed insight, and heartfelt wisdom, The Father Factor Podcast creates space for growth, understanding, and redemption. Because no matter where you start, healing is possible—and legacy can be rewritten.
The Father Factor Podcast
Honoring Fatherhood: Celebrations, Roles, and Gender Dynamics Explored
What does Father’s Day mean to you? Join us as Byron Ricks and Josh Warmbrodt open up about their unique celebrations and reflective moments. Josh shares his wish for a calm Father's Day amidst home renovations, opting to cook his special meal despite the blazing summer heat. Meanwhile, Byron recalls a memorable dinner at Knives Steakhouse with his daughter, followed by a family gathering where he showcased his grilling skills and enjoyed a lively game of spades. They also touch on the fascinating history of Father's Day, founded by Sonora Smart Dodd, highlighting the joys and complexities of fatherhood.
Unpacking the essential roles of fathers, Byron and Josh discuss the vital aspect of dedication, protection, and guidance in parenting. Byron shares a poignant childhood story from Chicago, emphasizing the delicate balance between protecting and sheltering children. Through a candid chat with a friend, they explore the challenges of raising kids in diverse environments and the importance of steering them away from harmful influences. Despite a few interruptions, their conversation remains focused on the importance of being vigilant and present in their children's lives.
Societal expectations create distinct gender dynamics in fatherhood and motherhood, and Byron and Josh delve into this intriguing topic. They contemplate how fathers often fulfill their roles with little expectation of praise, contrasting with the vocal appreciation mothers typically receive. Through personal anecdotes, they highlight the protective instincts fathers have, especially towards their daughters, and their crucial role in teaching independence and critical thinking. Discover how fathers prepare their children for the world with straightforward, sometimes tough-love approaches, aiming to build resilience and sound decision-making skills.
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https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrot. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives. All right, here we go. Hello there, my friend Josh. How are you doing Good? How are you? I'm doing well. Man, how was your father's day? It was good.
Speaker 3:It was. You know, my wife was trying to figure out what do you want, what are you trying to do? And I'm one of those individuals. I'm going to tell you the truth. Right, I didn't want to do nothing. We've been moving, we've been real busy doing some renovations, stuff like that, right, and I just want to chill. We got a pool now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I just want to get in the pool, whatever.
Speaker 3:And then I stupidly this is where I went wrong said let me, I cook some burgers, I cook some this. I do that. Cooking my own father's day. Let me do it. It's cool, I'll do it. Should have just let her go get something and bring it back to the house, or something, because it was a hot one it was a hot day but it was a great father's day, yeah one of the better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in fact I remember saying to you I should come on over there. You have a pool now and hang out but I also know that you had just moved and you know I knew in my mind he doesn't want to do anything. He thinks he does, you know. And then on top of that, having company, it's not going to be a fun time. He'll say okay, and he thinks it in his mind, but it's not going to be that way because moving is tough.
Speaker 3:I hate moving. We moved that Wednesday because, mind you, I told you that they changed the closing date on us, right, so from the week before. So we moved on a Wednesday and Saturday or Sunday I'm tripping that Monday the next Monday my daughter's graduating, so Saturday we had planned for people to come over Right For my wife's family, all of that for some family birthdays and to celebrate her for graduation. So you know, it had me a couple days to at least have it sitable right and uh. So you know, you know it's, it's a moving. One thing about the moving which is kind of like parenting, you know, you kind of underestimate it every time, even when you think you've got a good gauge on what you you're doing. And, mind you, I use movers, right, and it was still, it's still a lot.
Speaker 1:No, moving is tough, man. Yeah, it's tough. I had a great father's day. Actually, my daughter took me out Friday night because my daughter's a workaholic. So she said, dad, I'm going to work Sunday and so I won't be there, but I'll take you out Friday or Saturday. And I said good. And she took me to Knives Steakhouse in Plano, which is my personal favorite steakhouse.
Speaker 1:I'm not a big steak guy, I'm more of a seafood guy. But when I do eat a steak, I eat it at Knives in Plano, and that short rib is just to die for. So we ate there and their appetizers are just oh goodness. And they have a bone marrow with caviar, oh man. And you dip the marrow. They bring this bread, oh man, it was great. Gina, you need to go study under Kenya. And then Sunday my son came by, brandon and my daughter-in-law, tanisha, and the kids, and we had a—I threw some—what did I throw on the grill? Was it burgers? Oh, no, no, no. Lamb—i did a rack no, no, no Lamb. I did a rack of lamb.
Speaker 1:Okay okay, did a rack of lamb and Brandon did some steaks and my daughter-in-law did the sides, she did some green beans and she made some killer mashed potatoes. You know, I can't do mashed potatoes. I don't know why my mashed potatoes don't ever turn out well. I don't even try anymore. I, you know, as as much as I cook, there's certain things I can't do. I can't do mashed potatoes. They'll taste well. And my hot water cornbread, my wife can, she'll cook, but one darn thing, that's hot water cornbread, you know, and but her hot water cornbread is off the chain, mine. I get the recipe, I, I, it's just not the same. I don't know why. But my father's day overall was great. We played some spades you know how we do it, and so my mother-in-law not my mother-in-law, my son's mother-in-law was there, linda, and we just had a family thing. Man, it was cool and I cooked. But then I enjoyed cooking. I wanted to cook, you know.
Speaker 3:Well, I cool and I cooked, but then I enjoyed cooking. I wanted to cook, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, I did too, yeah, but then, but you're day of I'm like dang, yeah, well, because I didn't just come off a move, though. Yeah, yeah, you know, had I just come off a move, I wouldn't have. And you know, think of speaking of father's day. I was looking at the research, doing some research on father's day, and do you know that father's day was actually founded by a woman?
Speaker 3:I mean, I don't think it could have been founded by a man. A man would have been called arrogant.
Speaker 1:You're probably right. The woman named Sonora Smart Dodd was at a Mother's Day event, as I read, in 1909, and she felt like fathers should be celebrated in the same way. So hats off to Sonora Smart Dodd. However, father's Day is never like Mother's Day, you know, I can remember. You know, my son was growing up and maybe it's true today. If you want to go out on Mother's Day weekend, whatever that Mother's Day is, it's not always a Sunday, but I mean you would have to. If you want to go to brunch or anything, you've got to schedule that thing like three months in advance.
Speaker 3:You've got to schedule it, or you better be prepared to just stand in line.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Whereas Father's Day, I remember we one Father's Day I remember we won Father's Day they said we're going to go change whatever plans we had changed and they said, well, we're going to just take you, we're going to go out. And I said, well, you think we're going to be able to get a reservation. And they said, well, you know, this is Father's Day, you can get a reservation anywhere you want to. And sure enough, we were able to go right that day. No, we used to have a spot.
Speaker 3:We used to have a spot we go to uh frequently. So mother's day rolls around. She wanted to go there. Well, I bet.
Speaker 3:But there's a place that doesn't take reservations, just come as you want and it was like Emma was called, but they had these juices, health juices, the call. Everything was local, sourced, just a really good restaurant. And man, she was just set on it. So we got our name on a list, sat in the car for an hour, waited and said would you want to go there? And man, she was just set on it. So we got our name on a list, sat in the car for an hour, waited. She said what, do you want to go there for Father's Day? I'm like I don't know if I want to wait, so you think it would be?
Speaker 3:the same wait. I said let's go see, if not we'll slide through McDonald's.
Speaker 2:I don't care at this point.
Speaker 3:And no, would you prefer a booth or a table? Oh, would you prefer a booth or a table? Oh, we got options. I know right, not just a seat. We got options. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So no, there's definitely a difference and I think that there's a couple reasons for it. There's fathers like me that I'm just more on that that day. I just want to chill, yeah, like I enjoy good people around. My kids don't have to be there, right, they can be. They don't have to be. This year my son was, uh, he's always been, but you know, he went to summer camp. Then he went with my mother-in-law so he came back just for father's day, because he wanted to see me for father's day. Then he went back out to get spoiled by granny. You Told him to take out the trash. He's like, yeah, I'm going back.
Speaker 1:I'm about to take out the trash that Grandma was out. But you're lucky, my mother wasn't his grandmother boy. He'd be over there working. She'd spoil him, but you got to do work too.
Speaker 3:He had to clean the stalls for horses and all that stuff, so she's putting them to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good, but I think it's a different type of work, so it's kind of oh, this is fun versus if you grew up with cleaning stalls, I'd be like I've got to clean these stalls.
Speaker 1:I know, let me see, I'd rather take out horse manure than trash this is fun.
Speaker 3:Rather shovel poop.
Speaker 1:Okay, you know, but one of the reasons, too, I believe Mother's Day is more celebrated is because moms have been there through thick and thin from the beginning. You know, fathers unfortunately have a reputation of leaving their families, having two or three families, not being there for their kids. You know absentee fatherism like the book Searching for Dad. I grew up without a father. You grew up with two or three fathers, but I'm sorry, how many fathers?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean it would really be absentee right. But I had my mom married at one point, so that's where I got white dad from.
Speaker 2:And then connecting with my father which is black dad, and that's kind of why I have that white dad, black dad Just seeing different vantage points out of two different men.
Speaker 1:But again, though, when you think of think about this a minute when you think of Father's Day, you don't think of an endearing father. Maybe you do, I don't, no, I don't, I don't, I don't think. But when I think of Mother's Day, I think of an endearing mother because my mother was there for me, see, and I don't Because you didn't have that experience, right right, so it's different.
Speaker 1:But it is different. But you are the exception to the rule. Now there are kids whose moms they don't get along with their moms, and I know that, but you see that more so in dads than you do moms, right right. And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:And that's what's, I guess, challenging for me is. As I set out my purpose as a father, as a teenage father, let me say that even was to be what I needed Meaning. So, whatever the circumstance came with my child, I needed to adjust my thinking, my personal experience to factor in. What does this child need right now? Does this child need my frustration from work?
Speaker 3:or does this child need 10 minutes of my time? And they filled up and back on their way and so, um, my, I was trying to break that, that cycle of fatherlessness, right and. But my daughter, unfortunately her mother didn't just, whatever reason, just what didn't step up to the plate, right. So she knows what it feels like to have an absent parent as well. So now my wife does a great job, she calls her mommy, all of that, but it's still, you know, each different circumstance and they still birth similar side effects, right.
Speaker 3:So I can see where a lot of times people are. Oh well, my dad wasn't there or da-da-da-da about Father's Day, and maybe that's why I keep it low-key for myself. I don't know. However, what I do know is, for good fathers can get grouped into the not-so-celebrated Father's Day. Even great fathers can celebrated Father's Day. Even great fathers can. So what I want to say I guess challenge is I didn't have the experience with Mother's Day. I didn't think of, oh, mom, I try to celebrate my wife because I see her being a mother, right, right. So I don't punish her or not go over the top just because I didn't have a normal experience. I'm trying to create something new. So I challenge those that do have fathers in their lives those that have maybe your husband's a great father celebrate him to the point of discomfort, because it is uncomfortable for men to be celebrated a lot of times unless you're a superstar, and so yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know my one day. I got in trouble once. My kids asked me. They said, well, so, dad, what are you going to do for mom on Mother's Day? I said, well, she's not my mother, she's your mother. She's your mother. What are you going?
Speaker 3:to do. Yeah, what are you going to do?
Speaker 1:You know that joke didn't go over too well, but my wife was a great mother, a sacrificial mother, nothing she wouldn't do for her kids. Because of her, her kids have had a very, very good life, and I had a great Father's Day. And the thing about, though, being a father or being a mother that day in itself what recognizes why you recognize that day is because of how you raise your kids, how you pour into your kids, and I was looking at a document and I was reading it, and I say document. It was a book, and it talked about the seven essential roles of dedicated fathers, the seven essential roles of dedicated fathers, and that word keyword, quote-unquote, dedicated is in my mind what sets us apart, or sets Fathers Day apart in the lives of their kids, because it don't take much to be.
Speaker 1:You know, as our intro song says, it takes more than sex to be a dad. You know it takes dedication. You know, as our intro song says, it takes more than sex to be a dad. You know it takes dedication. You know you got to be there through thick and through thin. You got to be there through the good times and through the bad times. You got to be a friend, you got to be a disciplinarian. You know you have to be all of that to those kids and the seven essential roles of a dedicated father. Number one is you have to be a protector yep you have to be able to protect your son.
Speaker 1:I remember I grew up in chicago, you know, and my son didn't. I went back to visit once. We was visiting some of my wife's people and my son just grew up in suburbs and he saw some little kids out there and hey, dad, I want to go play, okay, and I don't know why, I wasn't thinking. But I look out the window and I see the kids surrounding him. I'm like what's going on here? And sure enough, they get ready to jump on him. But he's not a threat, he's trying to figure out what I do. And I just ran out there, stood right in the middle of them. I said what's up? What's going on? This is my son. Oh, oh oh.
Speaker 1:They know me as Vince in the hood. They say you're Vince, we know about you, we heard you. Yeah, this is my son. You know what y'all doing? Oh, nothing, you know. You got to be a protector, you got to protect your son. And when I went out there and they saw me and who I was, and again, people knew me in the neighborhood and they start speaking to me from the porch hey, vini what's up, man you know.
Speaker 1:So you got to be a protector of your kids, right?
Speaker 3:well, I want to say this Because me and a friend were talking and we were talking about a potential trip that him and you know another sibling were wanting to take or were pushing, but he was uncomfortable with some of that going, going on the trip, especially with the kids, because, though they family, the upbringing lifestyle, what's normal to one is abnormal to the other and, uh, you know that's one of the things is like you know, I want I gotta protect my kids.
Speaker 3:You know I want I got to protect my kids from things that may not be normal here, right, but he said, he said I also know many people and I do too I know many people that were very sheltered, right, they were sheltered and not protected or maybe overprotected, and so he's, you know, he's like I want to find a balance and I said what, like I said, my motto has been I want my kids protected, not sheltered, right, I want them exposed but not exploited. There you go and that's really, you know, going back to that, because he's like I need to expose them to some of this, but at the same time, I got to protect them too, because some of the things that they're okay with just being out and around may not be my cup of tea for my children.
Speaker 3:And we talked about such as music. You know, he said, you know I see certain people listening to, I'll say Doja Cat, who just to me is just an evil derogatory term. I'll just say it like that. The music promotes a lot of evil. In my opinion. There's something off, so I don't want that being played with my children, right so?
Speaker 3:But my son and I, you know, I will get into hip-hop with him. He's 13 now. We'll discuss it. So he's being exposed. But I'm guiding him through some of this because the kendrick lamar drake thing brought up. Oh so there's been other hip-hop beefs and that come on, man, you think this is the first. Yeah, so it's been that kind of exciting time to go through that. I'm not going to exploit him in this music and go show him the music videos for a lot of this music, but we can discuss and talk through lyrics, things like that. So he's being exposed, which, in opinion, is still a form of protection, because if I drop dead or he goes out on his own and I'm not exposed to him enough, then we can Sorry. We got something going on in the studio next to us that's crazy loud. Hopefully I didn't pick up on that, but I'll just call it out just in case.
Speaker 1:For real. So it kind of really threw off our train of thought. It's a lot of females over there and they have dresses and all kinds of things. There's kids.
Speaker 3:So basically what I'm saying is exposing, having exposure for your children to me is still a form of protection, but we're not talking about sheltering them to the point where you're sheltering to the point where they are easily manipulated, exposed you know really the word exploited. So it's really a challenge of what we're working on and trying to accomplish as parents, with protection, with the right upbringing. But that's really one of the roles of a father, so it's really to protect and watch over, right. So I mean, it's been a wild episode so far. There's been a lot of distractions. You know there's people next door. So if you hear me kind of trammeling, I'm trying to pick up my pieces and all that because you know we had some next door shouting and making noises. You know Brandon just walked in. You know what I'm saying. So welcome Brandon.
Speaker 1:Brandon and Jason.
Speaker 3:Jason Mitchell.
Speaker 1:I grew up with some Mitchells, yeah, yeah, in Chicago. You have any relatives in Chicago? I don't know any of my relatives on my dad's side, actually. Okay, okay, okay. So throw on some headphones and we'll get you guys. Jump in man.
Speaker 3:We live, live today. Nobody jumping in right now. Mid-episode.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I love it. I think that's the way it should be right. But go ahead, byron. We was just going over the seven.
Speaker 1:We're talking about Father's Day, guys.
Speaker 5:Oh.
Speaker 1:Okay so.
Speaker 5:I don't have mic levels, though I don't have mic levels though I need.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I don't have mic levels either. Yeah, okay, I can hear myself now. Mic check, mic check, mic check. I still don't have anything he needs something in the headphones. Oh, I'm here now Okay.
Speaker 5:Present. Can you give me a little volume? Give me a little volume. No, on the okay yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, fantastic. Okay, so we're going to reintroduce. We have my son, Brandon, has joined us. How you doing, Brandon?
Speaker 5:Doing well, doing well. It's a beautiful Saturday. I'm enjoying my morning thus far.
Speaker 1:Right and actor extraordinaire Jason Mitchell.
Speaker 4:Oh, yes and yes.
Speaker 1:Has joined us. How you doing, Jay?
Speaker 4:I'm good. I'm good, I'm blessed, I'm feeling great, that's good Welcome, guys.
Speaker 1:welcome.
Speaker 3:You have never met Josh, no he ain't met me, he's walking in. What's happening? I'm chilling, man, how you doing. Oh man, you know.
Speaker 1:So we were just talking about Father's Day and how Mother's Day is more revered, if you will, than Father's Day, and we were talking about some of the reasons why because fathers have not been there for their kids, like mothers have, Fathers have double families and fathers have locked down on their kids. And so you know, on Mother's Day we were saying that you have to get reservations in advance, Right, but on Father's Day you can go eat any way you want to you can do like a booth, a table, a window seat.
Speaker 3:You want to sit on the patio Right. What you need Now I'm going to give a counterpoint to that though. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 5:I don't know if I would say that it's because of the absent nature of some fathers. I think that there is a different dynamic with fathers and mothers. I think that there is an expectation Men are expected to do and we don't seek praise for it. Right, you go to work, get up, you take care of your business. It's expected as a man. Men are not looking for accolades.
Speaker 1:You're not saying somebody give me my flowers right, I think you have a point, but I grew up without a father in my life, so Father's Day wasn't a big deal, was no father to celebrate right, but I but see.
Speaker 5:But I did grow up with a father in my life and so what I'm saying is that there there wasn't a you, you never asked to be thanked, and I think that there's just a dynamic between men and women where, I mean, all of us have relationships here. Okay, you, you have to tell your significant other I love you all the time, constant reminders, constant shows of affection, whereas you know I can say, hey, man, love you pops. I can tell you that, you know, once in a while it doesn't require, you don't need to hear it you don't call me and say do you love me, are you sure?
Speaker 5:You've seen certain interactions where you're're like hey, bro, hey, I know, and they don't even say it exactly like there's. There's just a just a way that, because I think that men are are geared to just perform and to do that, we keep our head down and we focus on that. We're not looking for accolades, and when you get it, it's nice when someone yeah, and also you know fathers.
Speaker 4:I think we bring that balance. You know what I'm saying. Like a lot of us are um I hate to use the word tolerated, you know, but it's kind of true. Like we, we bring the discipline to the household a lot of the times. You know what I mean. So you know, like, like brandon said, they just expect us to to do, and we do, because anything else is kind of yeah because if you do anything less of that, then it's like oh, you're dead, be dead, right.
Speaker 5:So we focus on the ones that don't do. But we there's a lot of men that are doing. You know, every man that's sitting in this, in this room right now is doing. You see what I'm saying? But we're not. We're not saying, hey, you know, wifey, I need you to go ahead and celebrate me for what I'm doing. You expect from yourself to just be constant and be steady.
Speaker 1:So I think that's the difference. I think that there's a lot of truth to that, but I still hold to the belief should I say that well, that at least in our community there wasn't a lot of fathers, and so Father's Day wasn't a big deal because there were no fathers. But yet I also can agree with you in that mothers females tend to need more accolades.
Speaker 5:Yeah, affirmation and things like that Affirmation.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that we were talking about earlier was 70 essential roles of dedicated fathers, dedicated being the key word, and the one that we started with we talked about earlier was that fathers are protectors. Yes, fathers are protectors.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:We protect our kids. Can you, Jason, talk about a little bit of how you maybe protect?
Speaker 4:your daughters. You know it's interesting, right? Because the last film I just did, Black Heat, it's all about that. It's about, you know, a man who's going out to bring his daughter back home after you know the things that she's going through. But it's interesting, you know, because as soon as a child comes into this world, it's like you change instantly. As soon as you look into their eyes, you're like, oh yeah, I'm the person who's going to protect them. It doesn't matter if they're 1, 5, or 50, you know, Like, until you have no more breath in your body, you'll do everything you can to make sure this child is safe and smiling and all of this good stuff, you know.
Speaker 4:So I think that I don't know where it comes from. You know, I'm not really sure, but I know for a fact when my daughters came into this world, something in me changed, Changed, yeah, you know. And I knew, like, you know, it's like my son. Well, I don't have a son, right, but I assume that you'll be like, oh yeah, I kill for my kids, you know. But then you have a daughter. You'd be like, oh no, I'm dying about you.
Speaker 4:You know what I mean so it's a little bit different, you know. But yeah, you know from the moment you look into their eyes that you are the protector for sure.
Speaker 1:You know what? My daughter when she was a teenager. She had posters of actors that didn't look like her Right people All over the room and so I went in and I just tore all the posters down and it was like, look, I need you to be in touch with who you are. I don't care who you marry at the end of the day, but none of these people look like you. You're too young to not be able to identify with someone that looks like you. And today she says you know, I remember that, dad, I'm glad you did that At the time. She didn't, but I was protecting her Trauma At the time.
Speaker 3:It was probably traumatic.
Speaker 5:And it was the band at the time where the boy band Genesis started. Oh, the right stuff. What was the name of that darn boy band man. It was in the 80s. It was the 80s boy band man.
Speaker 3:New kids on the block.
Speaker 2:That's what it was.
Speaker 5:It was New Kids on the Block posters, that's what it was. I remember the screams. I was too little to know what was going on. I think I was like four years old or something. I just remember, ah, you know. Yeah, that was crazy. New kids on the block. Yeah new kids on the block.
Speaker 1:Wild words, yeah, so another thing that dedicated fathers do essential roles of a dedicated father is to become a be the provider yes right yes let's be provider now, in this day and age. It's not like it was years ago when I say that, where the father provides everything, all the things, and the mother just stays at home and be a stay-at-home mom. We're in a different era today right. Unfortunately, okay, I felt a little something there unfortunately I.
Speaker 4:I think that um you can correlate.
Speaker 5:in american society, the point in time which the traditional roles were abandoned, skyrocket rate of divorce. Yeah, it's directly correlated. The breakdown of the nuclear family has been one of the reasons why you've had a breakdown of American society and culture.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's crazy, right, because we watched integration change our black communities, right. And then you watch this sort of integration of women into the work world also change black families. You know what I mean. And it's interesting because I think every woman would really want a man who can provide everything you know and can do everything. I think, behind it all, they really want that. They really want to be able to take a breather and take a you know and can do everything. I think, behind it all, they really want that. They really want to be able to take a breather and take a break. You know, but the world has a way of making them feel like being an independent woman is the thing.
Speaker 3:Well, not just that though. It's either you an independent woman or you done. Got you a one percenter.
Speaker 5:Yeah, exactly that's real.
Speaker 3:That's real Speaking from the one percent sorry no, but that's true, though that's because I mean it's true. It's challenging because I, if I was to tell somebody like, look, we can live a real modest life, that can be a lot for you to post on instagram. Nothing like that you'd be for. You'd be able to raise the kids, you'd be able to pour into them what you want, all of that but you'll never be able to flex nothing like that. A lot of them want to choose it, but that's what they deep down desire. But because the culture has pushed this look at me agenda right.
Speaker 5:And it's also made them feel lesser than for doing work in the home environment, like the rearing of children and the raising of family has somehow been deemed lesser work to where you even hear women say well, I don't work, I stay at home. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Raising children is work.
Speaker 5:Raising rearing a home is difficult work, so this idea that this work over here working for this boss is more gratifying than the work I'm doing to raise my family. You got women that are having babies. They're putting that baby on formula Six weeks. They're back at work.
Speaker 4:Hold no tit, if he even cares back at work.
Speaker 2:Where is the desire?
Speaker 5:to bond with the child and to rear the child. You get more validation and value from going to sit in a cubicle than you do. You'd rather have the daycare take care of your child. I think that that is a large part of why you see such a breakdown and deterioration of the culture now.
Speaker 4:Yeah, they definitely make women seem like taking care of the family. Ain't what's up? No more, which is just wild to me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I mean it's wild because you say provider right, we're supposed to provide. And I think providing is more than just financial. It is providing the right environment, a stable environment, a respectful environment, and we're really the ones providing that stability. Whether the moms stay home, dads stay home, they're independent billionaires, they don't have to work, whatever the case is and I know for me protecting them has to do with everything. If I drop dead, my voice is still in you. You know how to move all of that. When it comes to providing, I want to provide for them, not just financially, but I want to provide for them with mindset.
Speaker 3:And so I created, you know, a lot of my work outside sales, consulting, all of that stuff has really allowed me to. I was mad because I didn't get to take my daughter to school on her last day, senior year. Right, I was like man. I didn't took her to school since fourth grade, third grade, every day, picked her up all of that, and still went out and hustled, grinded, did what I needed to do. But I wanted to provide her something that she needed, something that she lacked my son. He liked riding the bus. He was turned up on that. He got a two-parent household, all of that. So it's just a different feel for her. We had intimate times, even when she don't want to communicate with me much. When it comes down to communicating she communicates, but I provided her that space, let's say space for that. So I think a lot of times we as fathers think I provide and I hear it. You know whether it be the court systems, all that.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm paying this, I'm doing that, but there's an emotional investment that is much more powerful and significant A hundred percent and it goes to that verse that you have on your paper, byron, and I'm going to read that real quick, because when you're depositing, Proverbs 23, 24. Yeah, the father of a righteous child has great joy. A man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him and Byron said before this started well, who deposits into that righteous child.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And that's the thing I can say. I deposited all this money into you best education. But do we have an actual emotional connection? Can we talk? Can you come to me and tell me the truth on some stuff I don't want to hear?
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:Because you trust me Right, and that's the type when you say provide. I want people to understand that provide don't just mean dollars and cents, yeah Right.
Speaker 1:In fact, if you remember, when we had Tom Ziegler Zig Ziegler's son on and I asked him about legacy and he said that my father taught me, legacy is not what I leave to you, it is what I leave in you. Yeah, that's a fact.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's a fact. You know, I ain't going to lie One of my proudest moments ever with my daughter. You know how sometimes you sit like a just try to be a fly on the wall in your children's life. You know what I'm saying. And they're having these little random talks and they was having the favorite color talk and then my oldest daughter, royce, she goes my favorite color is black and they was like who likes black? She was like that's the point she said. My daddy told me that black is everything and it's every color all mixed together and it's very misunderstood and I think that black is the most beautiful color.
Speaker 2:And I was like I instilled this into my child.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying. I instilled this into my child. You know it was such a. It was an innocent, like childish talk, but it was something that I feel like truly shaped her belief in how she looks at the world. You know what I mean. And she ain't gonna let nobody tell her. Just know anything Like. No, I know my daddy gonna tell me what's right and this is what he told me.
Speaker 1:It felt good, which takes us to the next essential role of a dedicated father, which we are teachers.
Speaker 4:Yes, right, yes.
Speaker 1:And I know that I talk to my grandkids all the time. In fact, I had lunch with my grandson yesterday. We had a great time. He finally began to talk, but he always talks about the things his dad teaches him.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:You know, all three of my grandkids talk about the things their dad teaches them and I never go against his teachings per se, but I always give them a perspective, another perspective, another way to look at it, you know, and I tell them the same thing. I say, look, first of all, you can tell your dad anything we talk about, I don't care.
Speaker 2:I told my oldest granddaughter.
Speaker 1:Once I said keep in mind, I'm his daddy, he's not mine. She's starting to laugh at me I'm his daddy, he's not mine. I said but let's talk about it from this perspective, let's look at it this way, because I still believe at the end of the day. You what does the bible say?
Speaker 4:you teach a kid the way there's a child and the way they should go when they grow old.
Speaker 1:They want exactly, so we, as fathers, must teach our kids.
Speaker 5:Yeah this is probably one of my favorite.
Speaker 5:Uh, I'm peeking at your list there uh the, the, I would say um, three and four. I really, I really enjoy um teacher and mentor. Yeah, because you know I'm a firm believer in independence and um, you know, maybe sometimes to a fault, because I think sometimes not everybody's ready to be independent. I think some people, unfortunately, like to and need to be told what to do. I am not one of them, and so I value deductive reasoning and coming to conclusions with the intellect that God has given you. So teaching and mentorship really suit well for me, because it allows me to give them constructs of thought, paradigms to operate within, and be able to show them how to navigate these paradigms to their benefit. And what? It's great because once you set those parameters, you're able to say okay, let's deduce this logically. This information I gave you, you understood it, you went against it and here are the consequences, like I told you was going to happen. So now let's reteach and figure out what seeped in to make you believe something other than what I told you. And that process is phenomenal because it makes the person really think about why they make a decision. And my hope is that I'm creating individuals that when they go out into the wild and when I'm not here around. They have the ability to take information and filter it through lenses of linear logic so that they can make right choices. And so that's can make right choices, and so that's what a teacher does, right.
Speaker 5:Even as you go through your time in school, from elementary to middle to high to collegiate level and beyond, the teacher is less concerned with making sure that you understand, and they're more concerned with disseminating information to a willing listener. Colleges don't care about whether or not you understand the material. The professor comes and he teaches. You ask questions, he provides answers. You don't ask questions, you get no answers. And as the kids get older, that's what I love, because at the collegiate level level, they're expecting you to think for yourself, to take the information, to apply it okay, to your benefit, or don't? You're paying us either way. And as kids get older, that independence is really important, so that they're not constantly looking back to say, well, what should I do in this situation? How I've already been taught how to handle this situation Is a father a different teacher than a mother.
Speaker 5:Yes.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:How so? I think that you know, even thinking back to my mom, right Like I remember when I was in the ninth grade, we had just moved back to New Orleans. It had been a while since we'd been there and I'm like you know, everybody thinks that I should run for. You know, mr Freshman, in the homecoming court, she's like pfft, cool, easy. Knowing in her head. She thinking this nigga ain't got no friends, it's gonna be easy. You know what I mean. So she signed the paper like it wasn't nothing. I brought the paper home and I'm like, yes, I won. She was like, really, like what? And nobody knows you. Now that I look back on it, I know she did it so she wouldn't hurt my feelings and fathers. I think we are the polar opposite of that. We are going to protect you from the world by hurting your feelings here you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:I think that's real. Yeah, we're going to see you into the world with the battle. Almost that's real, because I keep it a whole buck with the kids like all the way.
Speaker 3:Right, you know, and that's the thing is I teach the way I teach them because, at the end of the day, I've told my kids yeah, you mine, but you don't belong to me, you know, you belong to yourself, and god right. So at a certain point, like you, like I said, I could throw a baseball through this window. Right now, as a five-year-old, you can say don't do it, I still have the free will to do it or not.
Speaker 3:10 year old, 20 year, you get to an age where it's like, okay, this is out of hand right but there's still a free will involved and I want to acknowledge that from young, like y'all, had this free will. But I want y'all to understand the power of free will by giving options, you know, giving scenarios. Oh, if you want to do that, that's cool. This. These are some of the outcomes that can happen, right and when I've laid it out, especially for teenagers. Like that, they tend to make the smartest choice. But if I just say, do it like this, they're likely going to do the opposite.
Speaker 3:Not always, but I think a lot of it is because I've tried to help them, I've taught them in a way for them to think for themselves. And the other day Jelena asked me something I thought was just nutty. I'm like, I'm dead, Figure it out.
Speaker 2:And she was like I can't say that I'm like well.
Speaker 3:I did she figured it out.
Speaker 1:I'm dead. Pretend I'm dead.
Speaker 2:What do you do? You know what, though?
Speaker 1:It's good though that you did that, though I was thinking about Brandon when he was about five and my wife said it's time for him to learn to ride the bike and I said, okay. She said you going to take him? I said not right now. It was like Easter Sunday, I believe, if I remember correct. I was doing something, whatever I was doing, and so she takes him out and we lived in Irvine, california, at the time. We lived right off of a bike path. Literally, we walk out of our house, in the back there's a bike path that took you all the way to Newport Beach and I forgot how far Almost to San Diego the other way. At any rate, she comes back in and he's crying, his knee is bleeding, and he's crying, his knee is bleeding and she says well, I don't think he's ready to learn yet, you know.
Speaker 1:And so I looked at his knee it's a little scratch on his knee, you know no big deal. And so I said come on, boy, I take him back out there. And I said you're going to ride this bike and I take the training wheels off and all this. And I talked to him first, remember, I told you I had a conversation about balance Before I got him. I said let's talk about balance and what that looks like. And this is what you do you have to sit here and balance and gravity. And I had this conversation with him, you know. And then I held the seat a little bit and you know, lo and behold.
Speaker 1:Next next thing, you know he's riding the bike, and I had my bike with me as well. And so, finally, I start riding down the bike path. He's following me and he, uh, doesn't know how to stop. So I told him just go into the grass. And so he goes in the grass and the bike falls. And so I get on my bike and I'm now going back home and he said well, dad, dad, wait for me, I can't get there, you're leaving me. I said well, come on. He said, well, I can't ride. I said, well, you rode it down here, right.
Speaker 4:He forgot that. Do the same thing you did. Right To get you here.
Speaker 1:To get you here. So you see a dad's teaching and the way a dad approached the thing was a little different than a mom.
Speaker 3:It was a challenge.
Speaker 1:You know, but I knew he could do it.
Speaker 5:Right, you need the balance, though.
Speaker 1:You do need the balance.
Speaker 5:They teach with a more nurturing kind of a spirit.
Speaker 3:I mean if his legs got bone coming out and he's like no get back on that bike there's got to be some sort of balance Arm hanging off.
Speaker 5:Hospitals are for fun.
Speaker 4:Go to bed. Go to bed, okay.
Speaker 1:Some of that, bruce Don. So we're going to pick up. We have 70 central roles of dedicated father. We're going to pick this up in our next session and I think you guys are going to be here. Yeah, we're going to stay around.
Speaker 5:Okay, they're going to stick around.
Speaker 1:Also I want to give a shout-out to my boy, ernest B Barbecue in Frisco, texas. Sir, you know, if you like fried catfish and barbecue smoked ribs, that's the man to go to Ernest B's Barbecue. And also I'm going to give a shout out to my man, flewellen Cupcakes. You know, I've probably been down to the Stars game or the Mavericks game. He's now in the American Airlines Center and he also has a facility in Dallas Flewellen Cupcakes, ernest B's. Shout out. Any last words, gentlemen?
Speaker 3:Make sure you follow us, like, subscribe and leave us a review on your listening platform so we can continue to be rated picked up and until the next time, five stars.
Speaker 1:That's right. Five stars, five stars. Fatherfactorcom. Until next time. You've been listening to the Father Factor. Why? Because fathers count. Hey, thank you. This is Byron, the Father Factor Podcast. Thank you for listening. If you like what you heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there remember all your children are equally yours.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, it take more than good to beat the bad. Oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more you.
