The Father Factor Podcast
The Father Factor Podcast
with Byron Ricks, Joshua Warmbrodt, and Brandon Ricks
What happens when fatherhood leaves a void—or when it shows up with strength, wisdom, and love?
Join Byron Ricks, author of Searching for Dad: The Nine Side Effects of Growing Up Fatherless and How to Overcome Them, alongside co-hosts Joshua Warmbrodt and Brandon Ricks, for honest, transformative conversations about fatherhood, identity, healing, and legacy.
Whether you’re navigating life without a father, striving to become the father you never had, or raising a child impacted by fatherlessness—this podcast is for you.
With real stories, research-backed insight, and heartfelt wisdom, The Father Factor Podcast creates space for growth, understanding, and redemption. Because no matter where you start, healing is possible—and legacy can be rewritten.
The Father Factor Podcast
Balancing Independence and Parental Influence: A Cross-Cultural Exploration
Imagine packing your bags and moving out on your own at 19, only to discover the harsh realities of independence without a safety net. In this episode of the Father Factor Podcast, we venture into the nuanced world of parental enablement versus support, dissecting how these parenting styles shape childhood development and adult independence. We explore why some parents may unintentionally enable dependency by shielding their children from life's challenges, and we reflect on how supportive parenting can set the foundation for resilient, independent adults. Our discussion takes a global perspective, comparing American parental norms with those in Italy, where the norm of living with parents into adulthood invites a rethinking of what it means to be 'grown-up.'
Adulthood comes with its own set of challenges, especially in today's economic climate. Rising costs and hyperinflation in the U.S. create hurdles for young adults striving for independence. Through a personal lens, the episode unpacks the cultural differences in perceptions of living with parents, contrasting the American pursuit of independence with Italian norms where staying at home is seen as a more accepted path. We share personal and cultural stories that highlight how these societal expectations influence the way young adults navigate their living situations, enabling listeners to gain insights into the complexities of economic and cultural impacts on family dynamics.
The episode winds down with a rich tapestry of narratives that examine how cultural upbringing shapes family dynamics and personal growth. We bring in diverse stories, like Josh's insights into Middle Eastern family expectations and the balancing of collectivist and individualist values. Our conversation playfully touches on cultural nuances, like the spirited debate over fried catfish preferences, underscoring the significance of cultural traditions and humor in everyday life. As we conclude, we emphasize the vital role fathers play in their children's lives, encouraging listeners to approach parenting with positivity and cultural awareness.
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https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrot. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives All right, good afternoon gentlemen.
Speaker 2:How are you guys? Hungry, hungry, it take more, it take more, more, more, more.
Speaker 1:Alright, good afternoon, gentlemen. How are you guys? Hungry, hungry. You are listening to the Father Factor. I am Byron Ricks. I got my sidekick, joshua Ambrot, and my son, brandon Ricks, here with me today and we're just really going to get right into this, gentlemen. In fact, we were talking about enablement in our last two episodes. This will be the last episode that we are going to talk about it. This one is going to be good. As Steve Harvey will say, this is going to be a good one. My son is going to lead this one, so I'm going to turn this over to Brandon, because he's done some research on it and Josh has done some research on it, and I need to let these young men develop research on it and I need to let these young men develop.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, you know, yes, I don't know about lead, but you know I'm going to start this segment if you have not heard episodes one and two. We've been discussing the topic of enablement and childhood development. Now that impacts adults negatively as they mature. So for those of you that are perhaps not familiar with this term, I've got this from the Child Mind Institute gentleman that was doing some research and to see whether or not on the first two episodes, we were speaking the truth and we were accurate in what we were saying. So I was fact checking ourselves to make sure that we were in line. But this is exactly what we've been talking about, and so when you look at the idea of enabling versus supporting, a lot of times parents that are enabling think that they're being supportive of their kids.
Speaker 3:They think that they're coming to the defense, but that's not the case, and so supportive parents empower kids to be more independent. They work with their kids as they learn to overcome obstacles. Being supportive means acknowledging how your child is feeling, including difficult emotions. It also includes modeling healthy coping skills for managing challenging things and providing structuring, clear expectations. Giving lots of praise for progress, even little steps, and getting extra help if they need it, are also empowering for children. Enabling, on the other hand, inadvertently reinforces undesired behavior. All parents do this to some degree because we want to protect kids from pain and difficulty what we were saying last episode. But if kids are going to grow, they need to learn to take little risk. This boosts their confidence and makes them more independent. Being enabling includes letting your child avoid uncomfortable situations Exactly what we said last time. It can also look like being inconsistent about rules because you feel bad for your child. Another thing that doesn't help kids is protecting them from the natural consequences of their actions.
Speaker 4:Okay, applause, applause Of their actions, absolutely Okay.
Speaker 3:Applause. Let's real quick recap before I know we're going to get into the cultural aspects and comparative analysis of what does enablement look like from culture to culture, because we have been talking about it largely from the perspective and standpoint of American society and culture and how American kids kind of things. But there's even nuances within cultures in America. But of course the biggest degree of variance is between American culture and, let's say, an Italian culture or an American culture and, let's say, a native African culture or a Japanese culture, indian culture. There's a lot of different ways that different cultures enable their children, and Josh has done a phenomenal job building up some of the wonderful data. So I'd like to kind of go through that and kind of talk through what are the key differences between how Americans enable their children and how other cultures enable their children, and we can start talking with the Italian study that Byron pulled up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I know that as an American growing up in America, I look at an adult male being at home. If they're over 30 years old, I look at them with a side eye, you know. But what I've learned is that there are cultures that it's acceptable and expected that the kid will stay home, and Italy was one of those countries. Right, and in fact, josh, can you read that?
Speaker 4:Yeah, it said. It's common for Italian men to live with their parents, and the term mamone refers to those who live at home with their mothers well into adulthood, so they even got a term for it now Mamone, mamone. Mamone refers to those who live at home with their mothers well into adulthood, so they even got a term for it now.
Speaker 3:Mamone.
Speaker 4:Mamone.
Speaker 3:Mamone.
Speaker 4:So the prevalence says in 2023, 73% of young Italian men between the ages of 18 and 34, see, 34 is still young, I guess live with their parents. This is much higher than the proportion of young men in the Western other Western countries such as Great Britain and the United States.
Speaker 3:Well, this is interesting, right? So there's going to be obviously pros and cons, I think, on both sides, right, if I was to play the advocate of the Italian and versus what I see in America, which I think is a big problem. I do not think or do I agree with at all that an 18-year-old is an adult. No, I agree with you. I think it's a foolish thing, and because we have this idea and mindset and we are instilling that into kids at an early age that when they're 18, they're an adult, they rush to become what they think is an adult. But the 18-year-old's brain is not cognitively developed to make wise choices. If you look at the most of the people that you have met, they make their poorest choices in their life that impact them from that 18 to 25 period of time. So if you are expecting a person to say, all right, at 18, you got to get out of the house, you got to pay your own bills, you got to have your own apartment, you got to do all these own things yourself, you're really setting up a young person for failure because they're not capable at that age. And what's happening in our generation now is you're seeing a reluctance to leave the home, and kids are leaving the home at a later age because of the fact that the world around them is closing in on them and they can't really survive. The economy is changing and shifting, and so an 18 year old living alone in an apartment by themselves in any type of middle-class environment is out of the question.
Speaker 3:Now, if you want that 18 year old to leave your house and go live in poverty, of the question now. If you want that 18 year old to leave your house and go live in poverty, then perhaps right. And now if they're going to college? You see, 18 to 22 year olds go to college, and in college they tend to make some extremely ridiculous decisions. And we were looking at it my wife and I were watching this game and she had this epiphany. She said you know, it probably was very dumb to send a bunch of 18, 19 year olds, olds off and just say, hey, figure out how to be an adult. I don't think that's the best model, you know. So I think that I'm an advocate for kids staying in the home a little bit longer, I don't know to 34. That seems a bit extreme, but I don't think that this is entirely bad.
Speaker 1:No, I agree to that point. No, I agree To that point. The reasons that the Italians allow their boys to stay at home is some say that Italian parents are altruistic and allow their children to live at home until they are stable and independent. Others say that the Italian economy has contributed to this trend.
Speaker 4:Ooh, you just said that.
Speaker 1:With high youth unemployment, low fertility and low migration rates.
Speaker 3:Wow, that sounds like what's happening here.
Speaker 4:Right here in America.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean it's real.
Speaker 4:Let's look at what Brandon just said Believing 18 years old is an adult. A 24-year-old is barely considered an adult. Let's look at it from the insurance company's perspective. Right, the car rentals Before age 25, most car rental companies will not rent to you. So they know that you are not fully developed and that's an exposure.
Speaker 3:And these are people that do studies right and they look at this analysis of crashes and liability and they're saying no, no, no, no, Anyone before 25, you are not making the wisest of decisions. Therefore, it's illogical and nonsensical for us to take undue risk to give you a piece of property that you're not going to steward well, Right.
Speaker 4:And then you also got laws being changed. You know alcohol and tobacco, you know 21,. You know which I think is a great thing, right, when I was a kid 18, you know you go buy tobacco, whatever, you're fine. So they're even saying like, okay, these young people are making decisions that are literally impacting the rest of their life, becoming an addictive to them. So, again, I agree with what you're saying when you were talking about this age of 18, 19, 20. I got a 19-year-old and she's far from a self-independent adult, right, so I agree.
Speaker 1:Okay, you are listening to the Father Factor and we are talking about… Enablement, enablement, and we're talking through when a child person should leave home, and we're talking about cultures, through when a child person should leave home. And we're talking about cultures, and I started this off by saying I kind of look side-eyed as somebody who's 35, 40 years old, still living at home 30 to 35. And yet we see in Italy that that is a common practice and it seems that that practice benefits not only just the child, but it benefits the parents and it looks like it benefits the economy in the country. Well, no, the parents, and looks like it benefits the economy in the country.
Speaker 3:Well, no, what this is saying is not benefiting the economy in the country. This is a result of a poor economy and so, if you know what has happened in Italy, hyperinflation has taken over that country and you know they've had a lot of I say a lot of political issues there in the country with, you know, with fascism and things of that nature, and they are reeling because the Italian currency I forgot the name of what they call their currency, but it has.
Speaker 1:I think it's.
Speaker 3:Lira, is it Lira? It's plummeted, you know. And so they're saying that the results of high unemployment because of the economy has pushed more children, young men, to stay at home longer. And I think the parallels, as Josh was saying, right. You see, in this economy here in America where, with hyperinflation occurring, the cost of goods going up, the ability to rent on your own, you know, when I was 18, 19, I, actually I had my own apartment, but it is impacting the economy, it's a negative impact.
Speaker 1:You can have a positive and a negative impact. Am I wrong?
Speaker 4:No, basically, what Brandon is saying is that the economy is so bad there that it's resulting. It's the cause, yeah, why some of these kids are staying longer because they can't afford.
Speaker 1:It's the cause. I thought, though, that was culturally how Italians did. I thought I saw this on 60 Minutes once where that was culturally how Italians did. I thought I saw this on 60 Minutes once where that was. I mean, he was talking about 10, 20 years ago. Yeah, it is for sure.
Speaker 3:Yes, but they're combining In this study. It's saying that here are the reasons. There's altruism. That's a part of it, coupled with a poor economy, which has increased the numbers of mammoni. Okay, so it says that 73 percent in 2023, between the age of 13 34, live with their parents.
Speaker 4:That's increased because of some of the economic things that occurred in the country so and I can say for you know, because my daughter's going to college, she's in the dorms, thank god. But when I had sibling, I had my brother, josh move, and then I had a sister named shay move and I'm, like you know, live by me and they they couldn't, because they're moving here, starting over, and you know I live in the burbs right, and so the closest they could find starting over was 20-30 minutes away from me. So I'm thinking y'all be five, ten minutes, you can eat here, we can do this, but I didn't realize it'd be such an impact for them on the gas tank, the time, all of that. I'm thinking we can be an aid to you, but they're kind of right outside of that comfortable boundary because of the cost of it. How old were they? That was a good question. These are grownups. These were 20s. Josh was late 20s, shay was early to mid 20s.
Speaker 3:So if adults are having a hard time being able to live in certain environments, then the children are not going to be like that.
Speaker 4:An 18-year-old, 19-year-old there's no hope.
Speaker 1:Well, Brandon said he had an apartment in 19.
Speaker 3:But that was a different economy too, yeah, and that's what I was about to say is that when I look at it at 19, I could wait tables and I could afford a one-bedroom apartment myself. I had to, of course, get a cosigner. But when I look at my lifestyle between 18, 19, 20 years old, I wasn't making wise choices in life. So, yes, I could afford an apartment in a nicer area, in a different economy, different place and time. But the question is really, should I have been living on my own Right? Because cognitively, you know, morally, emotionally, these things I hadn't developed yet to have a full identity. So I don't think it was good for me to have those things, a full identity. So I don't think it was good for me to have those things right.
Speaker 3:And, honestly, I end up getting evicted. That eviction stayed on my on my record for years and made it very, very difficult for me to, in my adulthood, get a place to say I had to, I had to go to second-chance apartments and things of that nature to rebuild that trust, because I didn't have an understanding of the, of the impact right. Like you know, an eviction was like oh well, it just happens, I get evicted right and then when I try to get into the apartment it's like, well, no, you've got this eviction. I didn't recognize the real world consequences because at 18, 19 years old, you're thinking about fun, you're thinking about pleasure, you're thinking about right it's. It's a small percentage of of of young people within that age range that are able to completely shun okay, the temptation and the desire to make life be about fun and entertainment, enjoyment. They shirk that and they focus and they're very disciplined so, brandon, I'm, I'm.
Speaker 1:I have a question then. Yeah, you, you shared your experience. So how did enablement impact that? What did enablement have to do with you being out at 19? I mean, how do you connect it To?
Speaker 3:tie back. I don't think that that's a point of enablement, more so as it is as we're moving into this cultural conversation and how we define enablement, based on different cultures. What you're saying is that when you look at a person that's in their 30s, still living at home with their mother, that is enablement, whereas in the case of the italians, that's not enablement. On the contrary, in america it is not enablement. We look at it as you know having your kids picking up other bootstraps get out there and be independent. We look at that as supporting and what. I think that the juxtaposition is. Different cultures will view it differently. The Italians will say wait a minute. 18-year-old, 19-year-old, going out on their own is too soon. So looking at enablement and I think this is to Josh, you've got this pulled up right on the other cultures so that's not a point of enablement. The counter to what you were saying here is that the young man living 10 to the 30s at home is not always enablement. It could be a beneficial thing. Is the point there.
Speaker 1:Right. Also, culturally, though they other cultures they promote the kids staying there. In fact, it's a part of who they are.
Speaker 3:Exactly, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Whereas, as you said, in America, though, whether I want you to stay home at 18 or not, legally, I have no right to. I have nothing legally to make you stay, and you know that. But also, you weren't raised that way. That's not in your culture. It's not that you couldn't have stayed home. I'm not talking about you personally. I'm talking about as an American, but in America, we're talking about our rights. We have rights, and that's how our kids are raised, and we will fight for our rights, whether we have them or not, we want them, and that is a part of the American growing up culture.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's what we're saying. Yeah, we're doing a comparative analysis on the different cultures and the pros and cons of it. You've got some other ones, though, josh, don't you, on the Italians. I think it's good to kind of look at that, because there is a definite difference in how different cultures enable their children and the negative impacts of them. You know, for example, we were talking about before we started recording those of African descent that are native Africans, tend to have a very strong familial connection, have a very strong familial connection and you know, josh, you want to read one of these points here in terms of enablement and the negative impacts in terms of more collectivist cultures.
Speaker 4:Yeah, for sure. So, like you already said, in the collectivist culture they have the strong emphasis of family, the duty and respect for elders.
Speaker 1:Collectivist culture, Right Eg Asian, African and Latin American.
Speaker 3:Yeah, those are good examples of them.
Speaker 4:So you know again these group harmony promotes a sense of loyalty and adaptability, so these are adaptable and loyal right Now. Children in these cultures often develop skills cooperation, resilience and interdependence cooperation, resilience and interdependence. So the negative impact is a strict adherence to family roles can limit self-expression, individuals' decision-making, and studies also show that children from collectivist backgrounds are 20 to 30 percent less likely to pursue personal ambition that conflict with family expectation, which can lead to decreased self-confidence, hindrance in problem-solving skills in adulthood.
Speaker 3:Man.
Speaker 3:This is so impactful.
Speaker 3:So, you know, I grew up in Irvine, california, high Asian population, so I had a lot of Asian friends that were, you know, taiwanese, Chinese, korean, vietnamese, okay, yeah, you know, and throughout my years I've had a lot of Asian friends and I've seen this, and I also have got a lot of West African friends too as well.
Speaker 3:So I see this dynamic playing out and I have been perplexed at some of the decisions that they've made because they didn't want to disappoint their parents in career choices, whereas a high percentage of Asian and African kids go into medical or legal fields not because they want to, but because their parents are telling them to do so, because and they want to make sure that their parents are pleased with them, and so they do these things against their own desire. So I've met, you know, asians that have been extremely creative and into the arts and very, very talented, but they've suppressed that skill set because their parents didn't appreciate that skill set. Oh, and they and they decided to go and then they ended up, you know, very unhappy. A perfect example of that is, you know, the, the famous doctor who's a comedian, dr kim the, the little funny guy the funny guy right, that's in what's the hangover?
Speaker 4:the hangover he's been in a bunch of stuff. He was in the show Community yeah he's on the Masked Singer right.
Speaker 3:He was a doctor for years.
Speaker 1:A medical doctor.
Speaker 3:Yes, a practicing medical doctor. And he said you know what I'm done with this, and now you see him flourishing, okay, in something that fits his personality and identity.
Speaker 1:To that point. I have a well, I haven't seen him in a while my Asian friend that went to be a doctor and he said he was in biology class and he was looking out the window and they were throwing Frisbees and he was thinking wow, wow, that looks like fun, I want to do that so badly. And he said he just left, went out there and joined in and he didn't finish school. I mean, he finished school but he wasn't a doctor. But he's a successful businessman. His parents are ashamed of him.
Speaker 3:Wow, so he's successful. He's successful, rich, but yet his parents are still ashamed, ashamed of him. That is unfortunate.
Speaker 1:Do you remember that kid on your soccer team in Carmel Josh, you're next and he was a straight-A student and he got a B and she took him off the team and I was like my son got a B, I'm happy camp.
Speaker 3:I know, man, because I was bringing, I was more like that kid.
Speaker 4:Like see you later.
Speaker 3:Hey, listen man, I was bringing in a strong lineup of Cs baby. I lined up that number just right to pass.
Speaker 4:Just right.
Speaker 2:You're saying I got a.
Speaker 4:B.
Speaker 1:Oh Lord.
Speaker 4:You get punished. You're saying I got a B. Oh man, where are we celebrating?
Speaker 3:It's a bunch of shame. Now, on the positive side though, josh, real quick on the positive side, because I grew up around a lot of Asians. I've implemented a lot of cultural things from Asian culture into my family dynamic with my kids. When you go up and you look at, what do they have in that? And now that now there's a distinction between Southeast Asian and Asian, I think that's very important because I've had friends that are Laotian and Thai and they they do operate differently than Chinese, korean very different very very different yeah, they do very much, but I learned a lot from being around Asians.
Speaker 3:Where did you put it? It's not there, the collectivist, there we go. So the strong emphasis on family duty, respect for elders and group harmony the group harmony one is very, very important and because for me I grew up although I've got an older sister, I grew up really an only child, if you think about it. We were 10 years apart. We didn't really live together. She was off into adulthood at 16, 15, 16 years old or whatever, already gone, and so I was really an only child.
Speaker 1:Well, she wasn't an adult at 15 or 16, but she moved out.
Speaker 3:She moved out right. That's why I made the preface she was gone into into. I don't want people to think I put my not the case at all. But the group harmony aspect dynamic, I didn't have that growing up. There was no group harmony, it was just my dad, my mom and myself well, we had harmony, we have harmony dad, this is not an indictment on you, he's not. We just didn't.
Speaker 1:You didn't have enough kids, man okay yes, I did no, applause would be right there too, right, kids would be expensive.
Speaker 3:Listen, there weren't enough children in the house and we did not have a large extended family unit like a lot of people in these cultures. Let's be honest. Okay. So cousins I saw, like I knew, a few handful of cousins. I saw them a couple times a year, if that all right. So most of the time it was myself, byron and florence, that's what it was, okay. So I didn't have an understanding of this group harmony. Now I have multiple children and my wife came from a family with multiple children, okay, and so our dynamic is different. But I learned from hanging out in Asian households. I learned this aspect of harmony and how they shared resources, how they shared chores together, how they moved in a unit and I said, ah, when I have children, I'm going to apply that Because I didn't get that from my household, because it just wasn't there. Objection Well, it wasn't necessary to apply that because I didn't get that from my household, because there just wasn't there Objection.
Speaker 3:Well, it wasn't necessary to implement that because, because there wasn't there wasn't multiple children in the house in order to create that type of group harmony, right, yeah, so there was a lot of. What I got was a lot of individual responsibility, which has made me an extremely independent person, though Right. So there's pros and cons. There's not.
Speaker 1:this is not a negative thing, it's just, it's just natural what it is.
Speaker 3:So, josh, I know you're gonna say something.
Speaker 4:No, I mean, I wanted to segue because we're talking about, you know, the uh collectivists over down to the middle eastern, hierarchical and patriarchal okay cultures and it's funny because I was telling byron earlier. I reconnected with a friend that I've not talked to in almost 20 years. We just lost connection. I dropped him off to an airport.
Speaker 1:The Pakistani yeah.
Speaker 4:He had to go in his family and I use him as an example, because the entire family was doctors. I met his cousins. They came down doctors, uncles, doctors, everybody was doctors, and so the expectation was he was going to be a doctor.
Speaker 2:So I actually dropped him off at the airport to go to the medical school in Dubai 20 years ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah, 20 years ago. Yeah, because life had other plans though. Whatever school he was at, I guess, lost accreditation when it came to US practicing medicine. In his last two years, all that work he had done and it came down to, yeah, he could finish, but his whole family lived in the US so he would never be able to practice medicine in the US. That wasn't right. And his father had him come home, I guess and don't quote me, we just reconnecting but his father wanted him to repursue it, I guess, and get a job in that medical field and he just at that point was lost and trying to find himself. Uh, and you know, if you know anything about that culture that's like, kind of like the other one that's yeah, they're very, very similar, they're very similar.
Speaker 3:There's ones that are not as similar. They're dissimilar, like the egalitarian community. Scandinavian those are. That's interesting. I've never been to norway and sweden but I have seen. You know they run their societies very differently and I don't know if you've looked at this, but in places like Stockholm it's a big issue right now because of the fact of the large amount of Middle Eastern, northern African immigrants that have migrated to those places is changing the dynamic of how these cultures are meshing together and it's not meshing well. And so now you have a, you know, anti-immigrant movements because it is disrupting the fabric of what the scandinavian culture has been for thousands of years because of the influx of migrants coming into those communities. So I mean it'd be great, you know, josh, you want to read kind of the egalitarian and see if there's some things there we can kind of identify and speak with. Religious is great too, you know, but the egalitarian is interesting to me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, for sure. So basically, when they say the enablement factors is focused on the shared responsibilities and equality, encouraging mutual respect, social cooperation and balanced work life approach. Children from egalitarian societies are 50% more likely to develop strong interpersonal skills and adaptability Adaptability- yeah, and when you look at the European countries, they Egalitarian, egalitarian.
Speaker 3:You look at the Western European, scandinavian around there, the Denmarks of the world If you talk to even your daughter that goes to Europe and travels, their work-life culture is very different. They take far more vacations. Work is just something that you do. It's not your life, like here in America and the States. We build ourselves around our work right, but for them that's not the case. And the other aspect I think is interesting is this social cooperation. If you look at where social services are the strongest in the world scandinavian countries you pay a lot more taxes but you get your health care free, get all those things free, and you hear a lot of democratic and democratic socialist types of individuals that will use these countries as an example to say we need more social services. But america's is not built like that, right so that. So you can't necessarily apply it apples to apples or oranges to oranges. But what are the negative effects, josh?
Speaker 4:All right. So negative effect is excessive emphasis on equality, and it can sometimes dampen competitiveness and ambition, potentially limiting career or personal aspirations. In adulthood, around 15% of individuals report finding it challenging to take initiative or stand out as they prioritize collective success over personal goals.
Speaker 1:And they prioritize collective success, right yeah that's interesting.
Speaker 3:So, Byron, as you kind of read through all this, like you know, now, as you look at this idea between supporting and enablement, what do you kind of, what conclusions do you come with? What is your advice, you know, to parents, no matter what culture they're in, how can we make sure that we are supporting our children so that they can be, you know, strong adults and not enabling? And then you know, how do we take the good and bad from each culture and apply it to our parents?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, I think what you said earlier is that about allowing your child to go through some things. I mean, I think remember I used to say this to tell the story I learned this concept when I was in college treat everyone the same as they are, the same and different as they are. Different, I think, and I tried to do that with my kids. I tried to look at you and I learned that, should I say I wish I had known it, but I learned that when you guys were growing up. What I mean by that is I have to treat my son and my daughter the same as they are my children, but different as their personalities dictate. Right, right, right. And so I think that a parent has to look at his or her kids and say what is this kid strong? I look at my grandkids All four of them are different.
Speaker 1:The youngest one I have learned to interact with her differently because she's the brainiac, but she's also very smart. When I say smart, I mean she's outgoing, right, but she's intelligent. She's a bookworm. My oldest granddaughter is outgoing as well, but she's not as much of a bookworm. They like different things, and so when they're with me and when your kids are with you.
Speaker 1:I try to put them in positions that will help them develop a skill, be successful, and then I won't make them uncomfortable. But, like you said earlier, if their discomfort are uncomfortable, then so be it. I remember I used to hate taking them to lunch because they never agreed on what to eat. They never agreed, and so, as an adult, instead of getting angry about it, I had to come up with a way that they could learn to accept others' choices, can learn to accept others choices, and so what I did was I said I tell you what. Each child gets an opportunity to go to lunch and you choose where we go and the other two must go, and if you don't want to go, you stay home and guess what happened yeah, they fell in line.
Speaker 3:They fell in line. Yeah, josh, for you, though, I mean, how do you apply this now, like after kind of going through some of these things, you know? What aspects do you feel like you got right? What aspects do you feel like you can improve on? What are your thoughts?
Speaker 4:for me, it's like I had to take it as a buffet right, because I didn't really have a the home life, that I didn't have a culture in the home. I was out, you know uh. So I had a lot of friends from different cultures. It's like I had, uh cambodian friends. I had um, filipino, very different and, like you said, than chinese and korean very different, like I didn't know that. So, like you, I took things that I liked from different cultures and tried to apply them in my household. Like the chore thing, my son Now my daughter went to college. It was a shared, you know, we all shared different responsibility. Once she went to college, a lot more fell on him, and so that's when he decided, hey, let's talk about this.
Speaker 4:You know, let's negotiate, right, and so giving him that voice kind of, where you see, we talk about the egalitarian side. So when we looked at that and we talk about the collective success, that can be negative. But if you look up top, we talk about the social cooperation. So I'm big on the social cooperation within the household, but that social cooperation can't lead to a lack of personal ambition and success.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know I grew up as an only child myself. My brother was 17 years older than me myself. My brother was 17 years older than me and in my family, I mean, it was just my mother and I. But I did grow up close to cousins and I saw them often and there was no social cooperation.
Speaker 3:They fought all the time. Yeah, that wasn't a good example.
Speaker 4:obviously, I think this data was most off of a functional you know, because that's why I didn't use some of my examples.
Speaker 1:I know they fought all the time.
Speaker 3:Well, you have been listening to the Father Factor podcast with Brian Ricks, josh Warnbrook and Brandon Ricks. We have been discussing now the third installment of enablement. We dove deep into culture. Now, gentlemen, gentlemen, we are at about the 35 minute mark, so you know if we want to wrap this thing up. This has been great, though I I I want to continue. I think this is phenomenal. If there's you're interested in getting more about this, what we actually got some of this from is just a you know, sourcing through some things on the internet. So I don't I don't have a specific uh source. We actually use ChatGPT to help us identify some of these talking points, right? So, in the world of AI, I'm sure that a lot of you are using AI tools to be able to compile some of this data information. The other source that we use for the Italian information. If you want to look at that, do you have that, josh? What?
Speaker 4:that was? It was just a simple Google search search, and that actual search was italian men living at home.
Speaker 3:Yeah, all it all it was, and then child mind institute is where we pulled the supporting versus enabling. If you want to look at that, it is child mindorg, child mindorg byron, do you want to go ahead and give a shout out to our sponsors?
Speaker 1:Yes, I want to give a shout out to Ernest Barbecue, frisco Texas. Go play him a visit. Tell him Byron sent you or Father Factor sent you. And then my good friend Keith Flewellen Flewellen Cupcakes downtown Dallas.
Speaker 3:Barbecue and sweets. And one thing about Ernest B he also got that fried catfish for those fans.
Speaker 4:That's true. What about Ernest B? He also got that fried catfish for those fans. That's true.
Speaker 1:Woo, that's true.
Speaker 3:I'm starting to not like fried catfish. Honestly, oh Lord, I know that sounds. We're going to take his black card. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:We're going to take his black card.
Speaker 1:I'm upset.
Speaker 4:I need to take you over to Lisa's in Fort Worth.
Speaker 3:I like the steaks. I like your catfish, I agree. You can't eat everybody's catfish. You can't eat If.
Speaker 4:I'm co-signing some catfish. Hey, I'm telling you slap.
Speaker 1:Okay, you've been listening to the Father Factor. Why? Because fathers count. Remember, fathers. All your kids are equally yours. Until next time, hey, remember fathers. All your children are equally yours.
Speaker 2:It take more than good to beat the bad. Oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more.
