The Father Factor Podcast
The Father Factor Podcast
with Byron Ricks, Joshua Warmbrodt, and Brandon Ricks
What happens when fatherhood leaves a void—or when it shows up with strength, wisdom, and love?
Join Byron Ricks, author of Searching for Dad: The Nine Side Effects of Growing Up Fatherless and How to Overcome Them, alongside co-hosts Joshua Warmbrodt and Brandon Ricks, for honest, transformative conversations about fatherhood, identity, healing, and legacy.
Whether you’re navigating life without a father, striving to become the father you never had, or raising a child impacted by fatherlessness—this podcast is for you.
With real stories, research-backed insight, and heartfelt wisdom, The Father Factor Podcast creates space for growth, understanding, and redemption. Because no matter where you start, healing is possible—and legacy can be rewritten.
The Father Factor Podcast
Empowering Children Without Enabling: Lessons from Famous Fathers on Balancing Love and Boundaries
How can we empower our children without inadvertently enabling them? This episode of the Father Factor Podcast promises to unravel the secrets of effective parenting by exploring the balance between empowerment and enablement. We dive into the dynamics of fatherhood through the lens of famous dads like LeBron James, 50 Cent, and Kanye West, examining how their different parenting styles impact their children's development. By showcasing both the successes and challenges faced by these publicly prominent fathers, we aim to illuminate the path to nurturing resilient and emotionally intelligent children.
Throughout the episode, we discuss practical strategies for empowering children, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries while maintaining an environment of open communication and emotional support. We share personal anecdotes and tips on managing children's technology usage and protecting them from harmful digital influences. Our conversation seeks to equip parents with actionable insights, encouraging them to foster a supportive and positive environment where children can thrive, even in the digital age.
Lastly, we address the vital role of fathers in their children's lives, challenging dads to embrace their responsibilities beyond just providing financial support. We encourage fathers to be emotionally present and actively engaged in their children's upbringing, stressing that every child deserves equal attention and love. By reflecting on our own experiences, we hope to inspire fathers to overcome obstacles and become more than just a name or a provider, but a guiding force in their children's lives. Subscribe and share your thoughts with us to continue this meaningful dialogue on fatherhood and parenting empowerment.
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Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrot. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives.
Speaker 2:All right, hello, hello, good morning. How are you guys doing today? It take more. It take more, more more, more.
Speaker 1:Alright, hello, hello. Good morning how you guys doing today Good morning?
Speaker 3:I don't think it's morning man, it's not morning. No, it's not morning.
Speaker 4:It's like evening now.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like the afternoon man.
Speaker 1:Well, but we're taping. They don't know.
Speaker 4:Y'all could've just rolled with that Well you know, or we could do like the Truman Show. Good morning, good afternoon and good night.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly Whatever time we may find you.
Speaker 1:Well, good afternoon, gentlemen. It is a great day today Beautiful weather. I'm loving the day. I had some good food, A luncheon we just attended. All three of us was there. Yeah, so we're going to shout out to Alex Vantarakis for the luncheon. He put on today at the Vantarakis for the lunch and he put on the day at the Vant Group. It was a good throwdown, we loved it.
Speaker 4:And it was timely. You know, I showed up with an empty belly unexpectedly.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And the Lord prepared a feast for me. Just for me and my honor. And we had some. What was that holiday pie? It was something, it was something. It was delicious and it was called a sugar cream pie.
Speaker 3:Yeah, sugar cream pie. I never heard of a sugar cream pie before.
Speaker 1:Nor have I.
Speaker 3:I think that the person that made it it was Clint's wife. She made it in Japan. In the Japanese they called it crack pie Crack pie. And I understand why.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I know, I was dazed. Yeah, indeed.
Speaker 3:I'm ready to hop into this empowerment thing. I think this is going to be good. I saw your show notes here. You got a lot of good things. I'm ready to hop into it. But why don't we give a shout out to the sponsors before we hop into this empowerment conversation?
Speaker 1:Well, I want to give a shout out to Flewellen Cupcakes, frisco Texas and Dallas Texas locations and Ernest B's BBQ and the Comfort Keepers, dallas Texas. If you have a loved one that needs someone to help them, senior in your home that needs help, call Comfort Keepers, tell Lori.
Speaker 3:Byron sent you All right. Fantastic Thank you to our sponsors of the Father Factor podcast.
Speaker 1:All righty. So we have been talking about enablement. We had a few sessions on that, and, for those of you may have missed that, go back and grab it, you know, because now I want to talk about empowerment. What is it? What does it look like? Why is it important for you to empower your kids and be empowered as parents? Before I do that, though, I'm going to read the definition of empowerment, and why don't you guys want to read that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely, authority or power given to someone to do something, right?
Speaker 1:And how is this different from enablement, Josh?
Speaker 4:I think it's a fine line. In some cases, like we talked about in the past, some people think that they are empowering their kids but are enabling them Okay. So I think really, the line really comes down to is how are they handling the tough things? What are you doing to set them up for decision-making, so that they can think for themselves and not react? So it's kind of the difference between responding versus reacting, right.
Speaker 1:Right. So what is parent empowerment? As we said, the aim of empowered parenting is to help build what Resilience, strengthen relationships with love and connection and make space for emotions and communication. I like that these skills start in where Childhood, but can support your child throughout their life.
Speaker 4:So question about that Make space for emotions, right. What does that look like? Because, you know, in some cases, like we just said, since we are separating enablement from empowerment, you know that's a lot of times we see emotional choices in enablement, but the empowerment is saying making space for emotion. So what do you think the difference is, byron?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, as I look at it here it says learn to manage your emotions. Learn how to process emotions with confidence, instead of resist, react or avoid. Anytime you lose control, yell or argue with someone. You're showing your children this is how people react when times get tough. Regulating your emotions will help you parent from a clear head. But the perfect parent doesn't exist either. So when you do lose, your cool apologize.
Speaker 1:Doing so is another way to model healthy behavior. Also, it says here that we must allow our kids to have emotions, Like when I was growing up, a kid couldn't get angry. We weren't allowed to be angry because somehow that was disrespectful. So they didn't allow us to express our emotions. You better wipe that pot off your face. You better be quiet. I wasn't allowed to just oh darn. And I think that we have to make space for that kid's frustration if something happens.
Speaker 3:no, that's good well, I think, josh, what you're saying, what does it look like to make space? Like that is really. You know what we're pulling down to an application, and I think that the making space is part, yes, not restricting reactions emotionally, because a kid is also not developed cognitively and the way that they see things and process things is quite different than adults. I think a part of that is allowing them to feel what they feel, at the same time helping them recognize that the reality of the circumstances they're going through they still have to be responsible for their actions and their behavior.
Speaker 3:There's this combination and I'll say for me you know, my son is a very emotive individual and I struggled with this from the time he was a little boy, because he's wired very different than me and it's been hard for me to figure out how not to overreact to his overreactions.
Speaker 3:Right, because he is very expressive and he's a very, you know, as they would say, he's an empath, he feels a fellow feeling, he's very inclined to resonate with people's. You know sorrows and things of that nature, whereas I tend to be you know very much and things of that nature, whereas I tend to be, you know very much kind of black and white and very hard at times, and so I've had to learn that I have to let him react to things, but then I have to teach him to make sure that he is respectful in how he responds. So it's, it's. You can feel how you feel. You can feel upset, you can feel sad, you can feel frustrated. What's important is that you respond OK, with the right discernment and so the making space. To me that's kind of what that looks like.
Speaker 4:Well, you did express emotions, you took it a lot further.
Speaker 4:I was breaking down the application that was good and I'll boil it down, I think, to you said it in that when you're reading, it says regulate, right to regulate your parents, regulate your emotions when dealing with your kids. But I think that's what, if we make space for emotions because it's one of the things I believe is we're raising decision makers. No matter what your kid is, who your kid is, everybody has to make decisions and I believe that if you help them make more decisions right, you give them space to make more decisions, they'll become better decision makers. So if you don't leave space for the emotion, then how will they have the space to regulate that emotion? You know, and I think that's where you might see the kid that can't say anything at home go home and act a fool at school. You know you just where does it come out.
Speaker 1:So do you think that LeBron empowered Ronnie James in that situation? What do you all think?
Speaker 3:then Well, why don't you be more specific?
Speaker 1:Well, helping him get to the NBA playing on the Lakers I mean, there's a lot of more talented kids than Bron, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just asking did him being involved in that was that enabling, Was that empowering? I mean, how do you see it? I'm not calling it one way or another, but that's why we're here.
Speaker 4:I mean I don't think we could honestly answer it. I think it's kind of a combination of both. Because of who his father is, he's enabled in some ways to the access to what he could have, but he was probably likely empowered because Bron is one of the best to ever play and that, as a father and your son has an interest, you're going to push him, you're going to make them work for it because, I mean, I've heard people say the nepotism thing but at the end of the day, bron does not own the Lakers, so they had to be willing to pay that salary. Bring him on all of that. Bronny James earned that spot to an extent. He may have had more assistance, but how was he empowered? Coaches, additional practices, my dad's in the NBA, I get to possibly scrimmage with the guys on his team. We don't know what happened behind the scenes, but I would assume he had some sort of coaching or some extra support along the way than the average kid.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So this is funny because you brought up the idea of nepotism. I was on another show as a guest Shout out Lester Green in his show Long Story Short, but he asked me this question about LeBron and Bronny James and what my sentiment was about that. Was it nepotism? Did I believe that Bron know that ronnie james deserved the opportunity? Now, my perspective is this I reject the idea of nepotism because I think that we overuse that terminology, to be quite honest, when it's not applicable in all scenarios, situations.
Speaker 3:I look at this to me more as empowerment because, at the end of the day, ronnie james still has to do the work, and it'd be quite different if Ronnie James was like some lazy kid fat, out of shape, didn't work out, he was wasting his talent or he was doing the bare minimum and he wasn't even at all putting in the work and he ended up on the Lakers. That would definitely be nepotism and that would be enablement, but I think in this situation, is Ronnie James the best basketball player? No, he's not. However, the position that he's in, the role that he's in, he's really playing for the South Bay Lakers the majority of the time. Okay, he's not really playing for the Los Angeles Lakers and what was done. There was more of a PR and marketing type of a situation right for as a business perspective, but my thought process is that LeBron James is doing what good fathers should do. It's setting up your sons for success. And if you look across all verticals, all industries across time, blacksmiths taught their sons how to be blacksmiths.
Speaker 1:So, we agreed that that was an empowerment move Right. Lebron James would be empowered because of that, we can agree with that. Brandon said it because he had he empowered because of that. We can agree with that.
Speaker 4:Brandon said it because he actually has to do the work I'm okay with that?
Speaker 1:What about 50 Cent and his son Marquis?
Speaker 4:Well, I mean I would say I'm a 50 Cent fan first of all. I am too, I'm a 50 Cent fan Now 50 is empowered. Try to empower him. Let's say that I've seen that he's tried.
Speaker 1:Well, let's back up. Maybe I should have set that up a little differently, because we know that he was giving the kid $10,000 a month.
Speaker 4:It was. I got $6,700 or something like that a month.
Speaker 3:Well, no so yeah, but his son said but it was more so the mother. So this is not really more of a 50 cent in Marquis. It's more of his mother in Marquis.
Speaker 1:So what 50 cents?
Speaker 3:said, said it was his son. No, no, no. What I'm saying is that the mother was enabling, right, right is the issue here more so than 50 cent no, I'm not saying 50 cent was. I'm comparing and contrasting yeah, and I I know, but I just don't know if it's the same apples to apples, because 50 cent, son marquise, was predominantly raised by his mother, whereas you've got brawny being raised by his father in the home, whereas 50 cent was not in the home but I think that might be where we're going towards.
Speaker 4:Because what's the big difference? Because I know 50 was paying 50 tried to set him up with a business, just like braun set up brawny. Like hey, let me get you a better coach, let's work with you. But the fact that braun was in the home, it's a huge difference.
Speaker 3:It's massive, it means a lot.
Speaker 4:Versus Marquise. He's being fed whatever the mom's saying, and a lot of that came. If you go and do the research or whatever, If you want to go down that rabbit trail, I'll save you some time. Baby mama was upset about how much money because 50 lives this big lavish lifestyle and feels like the kid should have a better lifestyle too.
Speaker 4:the kid should have a better lifestyle too, the kid grows, gets entitled, goes online and gets clowned because he's saying that it's not enough money for him to maintain his lifestyle in New York City. And then everybody normal people went for him. So you know, that's kind of the thing you're dealing with. It isn't apples to apples, but I think that the contrast is there is what's the big difference?
Speaker 1:It's not apples to apples, but both fathers. The move they made was to empower their kids. 50 was still trying to empower his kids. It was a different scenario, Right right, but it was still, in my biased opinion, a move of empowerment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess, for those of you guys who are listening, we're looking at this on the screen here and so it has this competitive kind of feel to it because it says LeBron and Bronny versus 57. Marquise is creating that contrast. But I think that they're both situations that are empowerment intentions there by both fathers, but the way that the sons received it is what's different here.
Speaker 4:Right. What side effect are we witnessing?
Speaker 3:And I think that the denominator here as we you know on the Father Factor podcast, talking about the importance of having fathers in the home that, to me, is what shines true, josh, as you were saying, is that there's a clear difference between a father being present, active in the home, involved and responsible for the rearing of children, versus a broken home. Even though he's successful, he's successful, there's still. That's a broken home. You've got a father living out of the home, providing financial support, but yet not being there every day, interacting with the child, developing some of these characteristics, instilling in them and then hoping that these empowerment principles stick later in life. But yet they weren't necessarily perhaps planted at early on the onset, because 50 Cent was still learning himself, you know how to be a man. He didn't have a father, so it just trickled down.
Speaker 4:But another broken home that we've been looking at too is, you know, look at Kanye West and Northwest. That was divorce. Yeah, he was in the home. But if you hear Northwest talk about her father, their interaction, course, yeah, he was in the home. But if you hear northwest talk about her father, their interaction, she speaks to his nurturing, to her interest, to her as a person. So he may not be in the home all the time, but he did buy the house across his next door, across the street or something right, so he could be around.
Speaker 4:But you hear how the child talks and what's the difference? You know, because we can, I'm gonna say it. I don't like to show kardashians under that, but what I see is that from my perspective, I don't know them, right is? It seems like these ladies? Kim kardashian is very self-absorbed, more interested in what she's got going on, and we've heard northwest express that. So we talk about fatherlessness, home stuff like that. We can have a father in the home that's not emotionally available. But what if you have a father that's not in the home but is emotionally available?
Speaker 4:And that might be kind of the contrast that we're seeing with why, she speaks the way she does, but just being real and being fair, she's much younger than Bronnie and Marquise, so time still will tell. I don't follow that, so I'm not sure. Yeah, so time still will tell.
Speaker 1:I don't follow that, so I'm not sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can't speak too much. I don't know that relationship. Yeah, I'm not sure, but I know you mentioned here the past guest, byron. I guess that was you, harvey Lyons, but I know you got a couple of thoughts to say about that. You are listening to the Father Factor Podcast. This is Byron Ricks, the author of Searching for Dad Nine Side Effects of Growing Up Fathers how to Overcome them. Josh Warnbrot in studio and Brandon Ricks. We are discussing empowerment in parenting. All right, byron, you were talking about a previous guest that we had I'm not sure what episode, but Harvey Lyons, and there's something that you want to bring up about that. Actually, that's a josh point.
Speaker 4:Oh, josh, that's your point okay, okay, well, I actually went back and listened to it again because I remember laughing we laughed a lot on that episode and I what I remember about harvey was he had such, a, I think, a gracious and fair outlook on his father, because this is the guy remember. He said that, uh, he didn't get ready for school in time, or something like that, and it was giving his mom problems and his dad spanked him all the way to school and he didn't think he touched the ground.
Speaker 4:But he said that later in life. You know his father was handling his siblings differently. He was harder on Harvey than the other ones and Harvey seemed to have a very gracious heart towards that and is very appreciative for that growth and that process. But what I liked about that Harvey Lyons, was that he said his father made him who he was. He taught him respect.
Speaker 1:He said he set boundaries and one of those.
Speaker 4:He even said he got a deal later in life business deal later in life because of that principle and he went to the door he was working for what was it? Ibm, ibm.
Speaker 1:IBM.
Speaker 4:IBM. He got a call for he had a lead showed up and the guy that he's encountered was racist and you know Harvey's black and he said something like oh, my dog sweats on his nose like that, something along those lines. And you know Harvey didn't match the energy. Harvey actually had the opportunity to show the respect and earn it. And then byron asked did you get the dealings? Of course I did, but that's the thing is, how many of us have been trained to be more so? Oh, they disrespected me, so I'm going to match energy.
Speaker 3:So how do you see that as a as a point of empowerment?
Speaker 4:I'm just oh, he's empowering on how to engage with people aspect of respect, it's really an art.
Speaker 1:Respect is an art and it's a lost art in a lot of ways, and what he was trying to explain is that he learned respect for his mother, his teacher from his father, yeah right in that regard well, brandon, I think along the same lines when I was trying to teach you, you know, back when in um, indiana, you were called the N-word, and then I was helping the kid, teaching him free throws, and you came over and whispered to me Dad, that's the guy. And I said okay, and I went back over and I still helped him and the mother was there just on edge because she didn't know what to do. But the kid didn't even know and I never showed any animosity toward her or toward that kid, because I was trying to demonstrate to you that you cannot allow your emotions to make decisions.
Speaker 3:For you, yeah Right, yeah, you know that was a good lesson. Sometimes I listened to it, other times kids had to get it. I'll just be honest.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I had to pop a couple.
Speaker 3:I have no lesson, you know sometimes the words don't work, sometimes the hands, they speak louder.
Speaker 4:Sometimes they make that clap noise. What's?
Speaker 1:that guy. He said I don't something, I throw hands.
Speaker 3:I don't lay hands, I throw hands. No, no, no, no. Toby and Wagwe. He's like try Jesus, don't try me because I throw hands. Yeah, shout out Toby and Wagwe, he's an H down. Try Jesus, don't try me because I throw hands. Yeah, shout out Toby and Wagwag, he's an H-down man.
Speaker 4:But I mean to that point with Harvey. One of the things that his father instilled in him was when we talk about the racial part, because there's an automatic disrespect that was there with that individual and what his father told him was if this is what they think of you and assume of you, why would you live up to it? Show them something different? Yeah, exactly so. I think that was such a great lesson that empowered that man and he probably used it across the board, not just in racial elements.
Speaker 1:You know what I just finished? Harvey's book Alone Came the Fixer. Yeah, you know what I just finished? Harvey's book Along came the fixer. And so if you guys are interested, Harvey Lyons, L-Y-O-N-S. His book is called Along Came the Fixer, yeah.
Speaker 3:And so you know Byron has got some tips for you guys here, tips to be an empowering parent. So if you got your notes out, you know you've got something. You got your phone out, something to take notes on. You can write these things down. These are going to be helpful Byron's tips to being an empowering parent right here on the Father Factor Podcast. So, byron, you want to kind of go through some of these tips here.
Speaker 1:Realize your child is growing up. Try not to take their lousy attitude personally. That's one way to maintain your composure. They're a kid and they're still as Brandon, you said earlier, they're still developing. Let's keep that in mind. You have to set boundaries. Kids want more freedom as they get older and the trick is determining where the sweet spot is and still allow them to grow. You know setting limits. Kids love to have limits set. And learn to manage your emotions. We said that you know always do that. Learn how to process emotions with confidence. Also, be consistent. It teaches your child discipline. If homework time is at 6 pm, stick to it. The goal of discipline is to help the kid choose acceptable behaviors and have self-control. You, as a parent, you got to build your toolkit right, you forgot one Communicate often.
Speaker 3:Okay, be consistent. Communicate often.
Speaker 1:Okay, communicate often. Commit to communicating with your kids, even if they protest. Remember that communication is what Crucial, crucial during adolescence. Next, build your toolkit. What does that mean? That means that I have to self-educate. I have to continue to read and do things to help me acting a certain way and doing certain things that when Brandon came along, he was complete opposite and just threw me all off track.
Speaker 3:You know the building your toolkit.
Speaker 3:You're not kind of like I know you're kind of going through these, but the building your toolkit is really important because this takes humility as a parent to recognize that you don't have all the answers. Yes, one of the things that I have tried to do is consistently ask questions of other parents that are older. You know, I have a lot of friends and colleagues of mine associates that are much older than me, and I like being around older people because they have wisdom that I can learn from, so I don't make the same mistakes, and so a lot of my friends have adult children already, and so I glean a lot from them so I can learn from what they did wrong, so I don't have to make those same mistakes. And that's something that I think that parents should really take heed to is that you need to get around people that are smarter than you and that have been there, so that you can ask them questions about how to handle some of these very precarious situations that you run into as a parent, right, no, I agree with that.
Speaker 4:You know. I'll add one of the most important things I think that parent you could do, especially if you have older kids and you had them when you're younger and even if you didn't like Brian Byron said he had a kid and then another one came along was completely different. But we as people grow with time, or we should be growing right with time. So I know, in my circumstance I had my daughter at like 19 years old Now my daughter's 19. And if I would have a new child right now, I know I would do such a better job than I did with her in her early years, because I'm a better man, I'm a better father, wiser, all of these things right. But I actually had to apologize to my daughter for some of that, because she saw me switch it up with my son and that made her feel like maybe she wasn't good enough.
Speaker 4:And again, it's how kids can internalize things. So you know, having that honest, like Brandon said, being humble enough to be accountable, speak with your kids, see where they're at, how they view you it's big because sometimes a simple, honest conversation if you're mulling over it in your head, about things you did wrong early in your parenting and your kid's old enough to have that conversation, it might be worth expressing it to them, because that's what happened to me. I was mulling it over like ah, you know, this is me, should I even bring this up? And then she came to me and said that had some questions, and I realized that was the spirit telling me. Maybe you should sit down with your daughter and explain the difference of a 19-year-old kid raising a kid versus a grown man raising a kid a kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good, that's good, okay. Now the point control what comes into your home. You know you have to control the atmosphere of the home. This means that some rap might not be able to come in your home. Brandon, remember, did not throw you man.
Speaker 3:No, you listen here, man, you know just this guy. Man, I got ptsd from that, I remember like it was yesterday, man, he snapped my bone.
Speaker 3:thugs at Harmony. Yeah, man, he snapped the thing in half. Man, he snapped the Eazy-E CD I had in half, and what was sad about it is that a couple of them CDs weren't even mine. So I had to go and you know I had to pay for that in another way from some of the homeboys that let me borrow the CDs. And I had to come and say, man, my dad broke your CD in half and snapped it in half because he had, you know, no parental advisory.
Speaker 4:uh music in the in the house. So you snapped a CD, uh then, we had a guest who played easy in the movie on the podcast.
Speaker 3:So I mean look at.
Speaker 4:God bringing it full.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did it Shout out to Jason Mitchell, the actor. You know, no, but here's the thing, though. What that taught me though I was glad that that happened you know when you look back at it, because what it does is say there's non-negotiables, right, this is the standard, and the standard is going to be enforced, and if you break that standard, then there's going to be consequences of that. And so now, as an adult, this control comes to your house. I live this model, and a lot of parents, I would say, need to take heed of this, too as well, because this is something that's an epidemic in our society Children having access to all manner of content that they are not ready to view or consume.
Speaker 3:You got kids that have Instagram pages at 8, 9, 10 years old. They've got all access to anything on the Internet. They can search whatever they want. They've got Snapchat, they've got all these different apps, and parents are none the wiser. And you have kids now because of different AI tools. I don't know if you've heard that story about that young kid, 14 years old, that killed himself because an AI chat bot told him to do it. Okay, and you know. Now, the parents are obviously devastated, but you know, and I don't want to hurt somebody or kick them while they're down or grieving, but the question is why are we not monitoring these kids' devices? Why do we feel that the kid is entitled to have technology or entitled to have a tablet or device? We need to be able to say no. I'm taking this from you. I don't care if you throw a temper tantrum, I don't care if other kids have it, I don't owe you a phone and so if you're not ready for it, I'm going to withdraw that, and that's hard to do at times.
Speaker 4:No, it is. I mean, we've done that and we just gave it back three months ago. Not even fully give it back. And, mind you, you, our devices for the kids have mdm, mobile device management softwares. So, whether it be our pact, there's some teen safe. There's different tools out there that you can put on your child's phone. You have schedules, controls. I liked it because if they got grounded I don't have to take the phone, I just hit a button and just everything just turn that bad boy off you know, say bam, you know I do that at dinner time time one time I don't feel like yelling.
Speaker 4:Something's wrong with my phone. He has time to eat. But you know, my wife said I was abusing that, right. But the point is is that they have that and we can still see a difference. My son, you know he was making poor choices. We took it, got him an Apple watch so we can know when to pick him up from different practices, choir stuff that gets out different times and he can only text us. We gave it back three months ago for a vacation so he could watch something on the plane or something, and it's still locked down.
Speaker 4:But we've been noticing over the past few months, really the past few weeks, he's been getting more and more disgruntled with life. He's a straight-A student, hates school and when he comes out of a device a video game, the Oculus, whatever after an extended amount of times, even if everything's done right and that was our rule If everything's done, have your fun, don't give me a reason to say no. And now I'm like dang, okay, you're doing everything and you still have this adverse reaction to this device. So we've had to take it away again and go to a checkout thing. Only if you're going to a friend's house, you can take your phone.
Speaker 4:Because of his attitude, his mental health was suffering because the dopamine addiction like these quick shorts, these quick things. And they even said recently that, um, the tv shows nowadays, even for little kids, are designed to give them quick hits of dopamine so they stay engaged. And there's been studies that show that older TV shows are actually having great effects on children because they were truly built with educational values and lessons. So that's the importance of that device. That could be the depression start. That could be the kickoff to losing interest in all their stuff.
Speaker 1:That's a great point. That was an equal opportunity. Dad though my daughter. I tore posters off her wall. Yeah, but get this. She has thanked me for that. She said that was one of the best things that could have happened to her. I'm not going to get into the story of why of that right now because we don't have the time. One other point I want to make is you've got to be positive with your kids. Tell them something good. Don't just scold them when they do things bad, but when they do things good, pat them on the back. One of the things my grandchildren will tell you is I reward A's but I don't necessarily criticize C's. You know Kids come home with a report card and they have three C's and a B and an A and you get rewarded for that A. Or the first thing the parent will say is wow, you got all C's. Well, the first thing I want to say is hey, got that A yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, you had to do that with me because you know mine was a mixed bag my report card spilled stuff. Yeah, that's hilarious. You missed over one. That was good you didn't talk about. Flexibility is key.
Speaker 1:Well, flexibility is key. Sometimes parents struggle with unrealistic expectations. Ar Bernard, that was one of my favorite sermons.
Speaker 4:That was the first lesson you actually gave me Right Unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 1:I think we set those and I think I was guilty of that because, again, I was expecting Brandon to be more like Kenya. Unrealistic Brandon's completely different. He's a male, 10 years apart. I mean, this is so different, you know. And but yet I expected him to sit on the couch and read the book. That's what my daughter used to do. No book, Maybe throw the book out the window. After he got older, though, he did read. So understand that you have to not have unrealistic expectations and goals for both the kids and yourself. You have to have realistic expectation and you have to make sure they have realistic expectation. And when it's happening, parents feel burdensome and overwhelming. But understand, something will go wrong. Something will go wrong. Just have flexibility. Tell them something good about themselves and, lastly, love them, no matter what. Show them love. I'll never forget a woman that Sonia's sister and I wish I could remember her name Jamaican and I was struggling with Brandon and asking for prayer, and they had a little store on the east side of Plano.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1:And I would go over there and she said how's it going with Brandon? And I would just say this is what's going on now. And she would tell me well, you just got to love him more. And each time we'd have this conversation she would say you just got to love him more. And it just frustrated me, you know, I just got so frustrated with her. But each time she would say you got to love him more. And I'm like well, how much more I need to love him, you know, but at the end of the day she's right.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:We got to love them more, and loving is hard man. Loving is not an easy thing, but it's a thing that we must do. Yeah, yeah, indeed, indeed One thing.
Speaker 1:I think, is the? Do you mean? Love doesn't always look like acceptance.
Speaker 2:Well, you don't have to accept your child's behavior but you still have to love them, right, okay, yes, you know you don't have to.
Speaker 3:You can choose not to love them, but you should still love them, right the? But we conflate love and acceptance, right? So I can. I can say I do not accept this behavior, but I still love you, and that's the hard thing about parenting and we struggle with that, and even our society. You know, if I disagree with your lifestyle or the way that you live your life, that doesn't mean that I don't love you. Is that I don't agree with how you've chosen to go about your life and the way you make decisions and the way that you apply information, and so I think that was what I recognized is that there wasn't a necessarily a lack of love that I felt, but there was still a hard line on. We are not going to accept this type of behavior.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly. You know, gentlemen, one thing I want to implement today is this concept of impact points and an impact point is something that happened in your life that you remember today, that made you who you are today.
Speaker 1:You learned a lesson from it and I'll give you an example. I'll go first on impact points and on empowerment. Actually, when I was in the Air Force and I was in basic training in Lackland, we have to march to chow hall. You have to get there at a certain time because everybody you know you want to eat first or you have to wait in this line, and so what they would do is have what's called a chow runner, and they made me the chow runner. I didn't want to do that at all. They made me the chow runner and what would happen is, if you get within like 30, 40 yards of the chow hall, they call you Rich go. And then I have to take off, and everybody's platoon was doing the same thing, troops. So we were all running, running to get to the chow hall to report, and I would get there. I didn't want to do this.
Speaker 1:I get there, and then you have all the officers sitting, you know, in a section, so you always have to go. All the officers sitting, you know in a section, so you always have to go to the officers. You'd have to salute the officers, then you'd have to make a 180 turn, boom, then go report in. And I remember I did that and I saluted that officer and I'm turned, and then they called me back this hey, airman, you're not a helicopter. You know, and I remember over the three-month period as I was doing, that we always were in the top one or two squadrons, so that empowered me. How that empowered me is all the airmen in my squadron respected the heck out of me, because they got to eat first.
Speaker 3:Yeah, wow, yeah, that's, wow, yeah, that's a good story.
Speaker 1:But last but not least, I also learned how to salute and make that sharp turn Boom. And at the last day, when I was before I left, the officer said good job, ricks, you know, because he had been watching me all that time as I developed. Yeah, you know, yeah, and then I became empowered.
Speaker 3:That was an impact point for me. That's good. You've been listening to the Father Factor podcast with author Byron Ricks, co-host Josh Wombrot and myself, Brandon Ricks. We've been talking about empowerment. This is a continuation from a higher discussion on enablement, and Byron brought this enablement versus empowerment today. This has been a great conversation. I think that we are wrapped here at the end of it and, Byron, do you want to give the people any closing thoughts on what you want them to take away from this lesson on empowerment?
Speaker 3:I'm going to let Josh give closing thoughts from this lesson on empowerment.
Speaker 1:I'm going to let Josh give closing thoughts.
Speaker 4:Well, I'll close it like this, in the spirit of impact point and empowerment you had mentioned, you reward A's but didn't necessarily trip on C's, right, right. So I had two different teachers. One was in third grade and one was in fifth grade. I'll say what the third grade told me first, I mean second, in fifth grade, this teacher brought in some big exec at some huge trash company, big baller, and they told me that they thought they'd see me on America's Most Wanted one day. But what the third grade teacher told me was just know that you can always turn over a new leaf. Back then I thought she meant like okay, leaf blows over in the wind, but obviously, as a grown man, a fresh sheet of paper, and that stuck with me. Well, that was more powerful than the America's Most Wanted comment. So rewarding the A, I think, is really the best form of empowerment, right, you're rewarding, you're loving them more. As that lady said empowerment, right.
Speaker 1:You're rewarding, you're loving them more, as that lady said. Okay, you have been listening to the Father Factor. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and remember, fathers, all your kids are equally yours. Until next time, hey, thank you. This is, byron. The Father Factor podcast podcast. Thank you for listening. If you like what you've heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there remember all your children are equally yours.
Speaker 2:It take more than names to be a man oh yeah, it take more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to beat the bad oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more.
